Chapter 138. The Strength to Love

When they pulled up in front of the Brookfield infirmary, Fiona faltered just slightly. She exited the car quickly and picked up the second medical bag, but when she got almost to the door, she slowed to a stop. Faith looked back over her shoulder, and saw the fear etched into her friend's face.

All of a sudden, it just hit her. Fiona had no idea what she would find inside. How badly was Jake hurt? Was it serious? Was he even conscious? Would she recognize him? Would he even recognize her? The questions kept coming, making her head spin.

"I just...need a minute." Fiona breathed in deep, then let out a long exhale.

Then she remembered the beautiful, tender moments they'd shared before he left on assignment. Panic loomed nearby, like an unwelcome intruder. "Faith. He promised me…"

Faith walked back the two steps to Fiona. She took her friend's hand, for support, but told her straight. "He can't make such a promise, and you know it. Jake was only promising to do everything in his power…" Faith spoke gently and calmly, but confidently. Fiona knew it was all true, and her hands began to shake.

Faith stated another truth. "Fiona, we need to get in there now. It's Jake, Fiona." She squeezed her friends hand, hoping to snap her out of it. "Jake."

Fiona's eyes filled with tears as she looked at her friend and nodded. "I know it's Jake." She exhaled again and tried to pull herself together. "What if it were Ben in there?"

Faith didn't miss a beat. "If it were Ben, I'd be in there already."

And Fiona only nodded, let that certain truth sink in. Oh, Jake.

Fiona summoned her strength, squared her shoulders, and walked right in.

When Fiona came through the door, Maggie's gentle smile welcomed them. Behind her, was a curtain pulled closed.

Maggie stood and greeted Faith first. "Hello, Dr. Carter." Her gaze shifted. "And you must be Fiona?"

Faith spoke. "Hello, Maggie. What happened?"

Maggie tilted her head toward the curtain. "Constable Matthews came in with head trauma. No laceration, just a nasty abrasion on the right parietal. And he's confused, in and out of it." She directed the rest to Faith. "I suspect a concussion, but would like you to confirm, Dr. Carter. And check the severity."

Fiona finally let out the breath she'd been holding. "So, he'll be okay?" She asked with a shaky voice.

Maggie smiled bright and cheery. "He most assuredly will be." She said with her thick British accent. She put a hand on Fiona's shoulder. "Breath easy, Fiona, dear. Dr. Carter and I have this one in the bag."

That brought the slightest smile, however uneasy and timid, to Fiona's face. She looked toward the curtain.

Her Jake would be okay.

"You can go on in, dear." Maggie told her.

Fiona nodded. Another deep breath and she inched around the curtain.

Her breath caught when she saw him. Jake was laying back, propped up on pillows, eyes closed. A huge white bandage went all the way around his head, his sandy blond hair just barely visible, sticking out from the top. Gabe sat next to him, but vacated the seat for her, as soon as she walked in.

Fiona didn't say a word, but sat down right next to Jake, and pulled the chair up close. She watched the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest for a full minute. Then she took his hand from the bed, pulled it into her lap, and held it in hers.

Jake opened his eyes, tried to pick up his head. "Fi?" He rasped softly.

Fiona came closer, moved and sat on the bed looking over him, so he could see her better. "Hi, Jake. How are you feeling?" Why did her voice sound so shaky?

He laid his head back on the pillow, and fought to focus on her. "My head hurts."

She smiled just slightly, relief carved into her face. "You've got quite a bump, from what I hear."

"So Maggie keeps telling me." He looked at her for a long moment. "Fi, I'm sorry I didn't keep my promise."

Fiona's eyes filled with tears. She tried to blink them away, didn't want him to see. But, it was no use. "Don't apologize, Jake. This was out of your control."

He rasped with a pursed grin. "Even so, I'm sorry."

She reached out and touched his cheek. Loved how soft his skin was. "I'm just glad you are okay."

He reached up and covered her hand with his. Threaded his fingers with hers, and leaned into her touch. "I'm just glad you forgive me."

"There's nothing to forgive, Jacob." She told him softly. She wanted to let him know just how scared she'd been, or tell him how much she'd worried. That she wasn't sure she was strong enough to love a Mountie. But when she opened her mouth, none of that came out. Instead, the truth did. "I'm just…hopelessly in love with you." And with the truth, one lone tear escaped, and rolled down her cheek. Jake reached up and wiped it away, along with all the untruths and lies, that had echoed, uninvited, through her mind.

Then he pulled her hand, still on his cheek, toward his lips, and planted a tender kiss in her palm. "And I'm a lost cause when it comes to you."

Fiona sniffled, leaned forward, and kissed him on the cheek. She took her time pulling back, and he couldn't help himself. Jake reached up and pulled her mouth to his. And he kissed her soft, one long tender peck on the lips. More than enough to set her heart to racing. Another tear escaped, and she searched his eyes, his face. "I'm just so glad…"

Jake held her jaw and looked deep into her doe eyes. "It would take a lot more than a rifle butt, to get rid of me." He smiled that one dimple. "You're rather stuck with me now."

"I'm rather okay with that." She choked out, broken and soft, stifling a laugh and a sob at the same time.

Maggie called out from the other side of the curtain. "Sorry to interrupt, but can we come in for the Constable's examination now?"

Fiona, gaze still fixed on Jake, straightened and sniffled. Then she stood and moved one step back from the bed. "Yes. Please come in."

Faith and Maggie walked in, carrying Jake's file.

Fiona started to go. "I'll just wait outside."

But Jake looked at Maggie, and protested. "My wife can stay, can't she?"

Fiona stopped cold. Shocked and not sure she'd heard right, she turned. She stared at Jake a full five seconds before she glanced at Faith. Thankfully, Faith intervened. "Wife?"

Jake smiled at Fiona and pointed with an open palm. "Yes. My wife." He seemed so convinced and happy as he said it.

Faith made eye contact with Fiona, and pursed her lips. Maggie had mentioned Jake's confusion. Faith spoke when she couldn't, "Jake, it's better if Fiona waits outside, while nurse Maggie and I complete your examination."

He looked at Fiona, wanted to protest again, but she interjected gently. "I'm not going anywhere, Jake. I'll be on the other side of the curtain."

Jake finally nodded his agreement, so Fiona exited, and joined Gabe at Maggie's desk.

Gabe leaned over and told her in a whisper. "He kept referring to you as his wife, when he asked me to call you. I think he might be confused, and mixing up memories from Nathan and Julia's wedding. Maybe it got all jumbled up for him, with that blow to the head."

Fiona looked up at Gabe and asked softly. "He got hit with the butt of a rifle?"

"Yes. And the perp got him good, too." Gabe admitted. "He was out for a good long while."

Fiona closed her eyes and processed that information. Then she opened them again. "Please tell me you caught the guy."

"We did." Gabe reported. "Thanks to Jake. He drew the perp out of hiding, so I could take him out." He paused and looked towards the curtain. "I'm just sorry I didn't get there fast enough, before he hit Jake." Then he offered what he hoped would reassure Fiona, even if only the slightest. "That perp is going away for a very long time."

"I hope so." Fiona looked down at her hands, and suddenly needed some air. She walked out on the front porch of the infirmary, leaned back against the wall, and tried to get her bearings. She took a few more deep breaths, closed her eyes, and prayed.

Fiona stayed out on the porch for a long moment. She didn't feel that great, and somehow, the fresh air was calming. Plus, out on this porch, she could be alone. The boiled-down truth was that Fiona had become a little too accustomed to being alone, in the years after her father passed. In fact, she'd let herself become somewhat of a loner, traveling from place to place. It had been easier to pick up and move, rather than face the hard stuff - the loss and the hurt. Alone became her default, a sort of defense mechanism, and she'd kept right on moving. Until she'd come to Hope Valley, and found a reason to stay.

But even here, she'd never really opened too much, or let anyone completely in. Until Jake. Sure, she'd made great friends: Florence, Faith, Julia. And she had Mike, who was like a brother, and Henry, who often acted like a father. But with any of those people, she'd always managed to keep herself safe behind her walls. Right up until Jake Matthews scaled them all. One by one. And she hadn't even seen him coming.

Fiona turned her head when she heard the door open. Faith joined her. "You okay?"

"Yea." Fiona looked back towards the door. "How is he?"

"He's got a pretty good concussion, as Maggie suspected." She made a half-frown. "He's out again. We weren't able to finish the examination."

Fiona turned to face her. "Out? Like lost consciousness?"

Faith nodded slowly and put her hand out. "It can happen, Fiona. Don't be alarmed. He was hit pretty hard."

Fiona's gaze dropped and she stared at the planks of the board walk. She tried to breathe easy, but the emotions were raw. Who would do such a thing to such a wonderful guy? Who would dare hit her Jake?

"Apparently, after he was hit, Jake was unconscious for a long time. Didn't come to until a few hours after." Faith reported. "His body needs to rest."

Fiona looked up at her friend and nodded, tears in her eyes again. "Faith. Why does he think we're…"

Faith pursed her lips. "He's confused. Everything got shaken, and perhaps with the recent wedding…he's just a little mixed up." She tried to explain. "There's a lot we don't know about brain injuries. He might not remember events from before or around the accident for a while, or things might come back little by little. Or those memories might never come back."

Fiona thought of something, perhaps useful. "He remembers the things he said to me, just before he left. He kept apologizing for getting hurt, so he must remember the promise he made, to be careful." Fiona reported.

Faith's eyebrows raised. "That's good. And he remembers Elle being here, mentioned something to Maggie about her." Faith added.

Fiona looked at her friend and asked. "But what do I say? About him thinking that we're married?"

"Just tell him the truth, Fiona. You and I both know he would prefer the truth." Faith smiled shyly at her friend. "I planned to talk to him about it, as his doctor, but then he passed out again." She paused. "And I will speak to him, as soon as he wakes up."

"Okay." Fiona looked at the door again. "Can I go back in with him, now?" She just wanted to sit at his side. To be near him. And more than anything else, she didn't want him to be alone, when he woke up.

Faith replied. "Yes. And don't worry, we'll finish our examination as soon as we can."

When Jake awoke again, Fiona was sitting close, holding his hand. He blinked his eyes open, but didn't move his head too much this time. Fiona could easily discern the pain written on his face, so she leaned forward and placed her free hand on his arm. "Jake?" She whispered softly.

He tried to turn his head and search her out. "Fiona?" He asked softly.

She moved to sit on the bed again, so he could see her easier. "I'm here, Jake."

He focused on her face, and looked her over. "Hi, Beautiful."

"How are you feeling?" She asked softly. "Are you in pain?"

Though, she could see by the lines on his face, that he was. "I'll go get Faith."

But he didn't let her. "Wait." He smiled just enough. "Not yet. Just sit with me a minute."

Fiona sat back down on the edge of the bed, and searched his face.

"I'm sorry if I worried you, Fi." He told her, again.

She looked at him with acceptance and love. "I already told you to stop apologizing." She added a tender smile. "Do you remember anything that happened?"

He looked at the ceiling, contemplated, but then brought his gaze back to her. "Not a thing." He told her honestly. "The last thing I remember is you, walking toward me, down the aisle, in that amazing wedding dress."

Fiona swallowed hard. She hated to tell him, but how could she not? Hadn't Faith said the truth was the best course? "Jake." She drawled it out long, didn't know how to tell him, other than to tell him. And she tried to do it gently. "I think, what you saw…me, in a wedding dress, is perhaps a side effect of your injury."

He lifted his head from the pillow to look at her. "What do you mean?"

"Jake, we're not married." He furrowed his brow. The disbelief was evident on his face.

"Fiona. I remember you, as clear as day, in that beautiful white dress. I can even describe if for you: long, lacy sleeves, open, sexy back." Jake told her. "The beading, and all those fancy buttons." It actually sounded like something that Fiona would wear.

She took a deep breath. "Jake, I really think it all got jumbled up for you. Remember, it was your sister and Nathan, that just got married?"

"Yes, Julia and Nathan got married, but that was months ago. And her dress was nothing like yours." Well, on one point he was correct: the dress he's just described sounded nothing like Julia's. It, instead, sounded like something more to Fiona's liking.

"Nathan and Julia's wedding was only 10 days ago." She told him with a cute, coy smile. "And Jake, if you and I were married, I would surely know it."

He looked her over and could see she was serious. Had he really imagined, or perhaps even dreamed their wedding? Dreamed of Fiona walking towards him, down the aisle? "So, we're not married?"

Fiona giggled soft at him and shook her head. "No, we're not." She lifted her left hand to show him, maybe it would help convince him. "Don't you think, Jacob Matthews, that you would have given me a ring?" She asked with that adorable convincing smile that he loved so much.

He searched her face, and as he did, she could clearly read the disappointment written on his. Was he really that disappointed they weren't married already? "It seemed so real…" He told her as he laid his head back on the pillow.

"I'm sorry, Jacob." She whispered. Then she tried her best to lift him up again. "Do you remember what I told you at Nathan and Julia's wedding, as we danced?"

He gazed at her, and answered softly. "Of course I do. How could I forget?" He paused. "You told me that you love me."

"So, you remember that." She tested him a little further. "Do you remember what I told you earlier today, when I arrived?"

"You said that you're hopelessly in love with me." Of course, he remembered that, too. Those words were like treasure.

"And you responded that you're a lost cause when it comes to me." She smiled into his eyes. "I take it that means, you love me, too?"

"You know it does." He made sure to confirm it, and did so in the very next second.

"So, no, we are not married." She caressed his cheek. "But we are two people who love each other, and are there for each other." She told him softly. "That would jump into a hole to rescue the other, or race in a car, from Hope Valley to Brookfield, just to sit by the other's side." She smiled. "I like our story, Jake. And I like the us we are becoming. One step at a time. And right now, we just love each other. That's enough for me."

He picked up her left hand, lifted it to his lips, and kissed her softly across the knuckles. "It's enough for me, too." He whispered. "And I do. I love you, Fiona Miller." He looked down at her hand, the one he held. He let his thumb trace over the bare finger, where a wedding ring would've gone. There wasn't even an engagement ring there yet. He looked up at her. "I haven't even asked you yet?"

Fiona softly chuckled and shook her head no. "Not yet." She smiled playful, wanted to put him at ease. "But don't be in a hurry, Constable. We only confessed our love ten days ago."

Jake picked his head up and looked at her with a smile, "It's been a little longer for me, Sweets. A lot longer, actually." He confessed, as he squeezed the hand he held. He'd had feelings for Fiona Miller for a long time now. "And don't forget, I woke up here with a very vivid image, of you marrying me. Of you making me a very happy man. And that image feels a heck of a lot like a memory to me." He paused, recalculating his circumstances. "I'm not in a hurry, just trying to get my bearings."

"Take your time, Jake. With…all of it." She told him softly. "I'm not going anywhere."

He laid his head back down, and she noticed the grimace as he did. "Jake. I'm going to get Faith. She really should have a look at you."

Then she leaned down and kissed him tenderly on the cheek.

After Faith and Maggie were finally able to complete their examination, they administered pain medication, and let Jake rest. A short time later, Grace brought dinner from the Brookfield Hotel's cafe.

And when Jake fell asleep again, Fiona stayed by his side as long as they would let her.

When Faith and Maggie later insisted she leave and get some rest, Fiona didn't go far, just to the orphanage, where Grace and Lillian had prepared a room.