Chapter 139. Pancakes and Paintings

On Wednesday morning, it was Nathan who lingered in bed. It was completely unlike him, but he was sleeping so peacefully, Julia didn't have the heart to wake him. So, she let him slumber and went downstairs to make breakfast. It seemed like the perfect opportunity to make those pancakes she'd promised him.

When she had a nice big stack ready, she poured a mug of coffee and headed upstairs, to wake her husband.

When she got there, she set the coffee cup down on the bedside table. In her absence, he had rolled over and snuggled into her pillow. His exposed shoulders and back were all muscle, sprawled now, across her side of the bed. She couldn't help herself, but pulled gently on the covers, revealing a bit more of his body, little by little. She'd never imagined that she could be so attracted to the male form, but now, she thought her husband something of a masterpiece. She found him handsome from head to toe, so she stood back a moment and looked him over.

Then, she sat down on the bed, and snuggled her nose in the crook of his neck. She placed a few tender kisses and let her hand trace over his shoulder.

He moaned in a way that made her heart race. And then he started to stir, moving towards her slowly. Julia placed a few more kisses on his shoulder and cheek, before she pulled back and picked up the coffee cup. Nathan slipped one arm firmly around her waist.

"Good morning." She whispered as she offered him the coffee cup. Though he took it, he set it back down on the side table, his attention focused on something else now.

"You think you can uncover me, wake me up with kisses, and then just escape?" He rasped playfully, as he used that arm he'd slipped around her waist, to pull her close. In fact, he pulled her right into bed with him, and brought her body right up against his.

Julia laid her head back and giggled softly, but when she did, Nathan seized the opportunity. He snuggled into her neck and placed strategic kisses. He knew now, just where to land them: under her ear, next to the curve of her clavicle, on her throbbing pulse.

"And you think I'm just going to stay here in bed with you, and let your pancakes get cold?" She teased him right back.

He let his lips trail up her neck, across her ear, and over her cheek. Then he rasped against her skin. "Yes. Yes I do."

And she melted. Julia melted completely into him.

And she did indeed stay in bed with him, long after the swells of their love, had risen and broken over them, and washed them into the tender calm of marital bliss.

And later on, when they did finally venture downstairs, they enjoyed Julia's pancake breakfast all the more, because of their deep connection, as husband and wife. Neither minded that the pancakes were cold. On the contrary, every bite was made sweeter, by their tenderness towards one another.

After breakfast, they took a turn outside in the garden. Nathan led her to the rose bush in the middle, then kissed her right in front of it. Julia smiled up at him, and watched as he looked over the one lone rose that had bloomed in their absence. "There's a rose." He remarked in a whisper. It wasn't big or fancy, or extravagant, but it was there, and it was lovely. Pure white.

Julia suggested softly. "You should get your sketchbook." Indeed he should, before that one rose was gone. Who knew when the next one might appear?

So after their stroll through the garden, Nathan fetched his sketchbook and pencils. While he was outside, Julia began to clean the kitchen. She washed the dishes, wiped the table, and put everything back in order. When she was done, she stood at the window, and watched her husband.

He sat on a bench in front of the rose bush, concentrated and focused, and he sketched.

Julia made more coffee, then carried two cups out to the bench. He looked up when she approached, and smiled. And they sat together - Nathan sketched, while Julia enjoyed the view.

An hour or two later, Nathan left to help Charlie with a few things around the ranch. Charlie had mentioned needing help, when Nathan had picked him up from the train station. But Nathan also saw it as an opportunity to spend time with the older man, like old times. Especially in light of the newest developments with his mother, or the possibility thereof.

And while Nathan was with Charlie, Julia had made plans with Daanis. It seemed only fitting, since Daanis had mentioned wanting to get to know Julia better, when they'd first arrived.

So, a half-an-hour after Nathan left, Julia met Daanis in the stables. They mounted two horses, and rode into town together. And they went to the same cafe, where Nathan had taken her, just yesterday.

When they entered, several people knew Daanis, and called out a greeting. She conversed with several different people and introduced Nathan's new wife, Rebecca Grant's new daughter-in-law. Julia was happy to meet so many people who knew the Grants.

"Danni!" Another gentleman called out, when he saw them. "Usual table?" He asked as he grabbed two menus.

"Yes, sir." Daanis replied, then she started to introduce Julia. "This here's…"

"Mrs. Nathan Grant." The gentleman completed her sentence, with a wide grin.

Daanis looked at Julia, who explained. "We were here yesterday."

Daanis laughed a nod and tilted her head. "Well it is the best place in town."

Julia smiled. "How are you today, Mr. Travis?"

"Just fine, thank you." He answered as he led them to their table.

Daanis and Julia sat down together and ordered. Then Julia asked questions, and Daanis did the same. And like that, Julia learned about Daanis' family, and vice versa. She had two brothers and plenty of nieces and nephews. And her parents were both still living, though getting older now.

"And you never thought about getting married? Or met anyone you could see yourself marrying?" Julia inquired, carefully.

Daanis smiled a far-off smile, as if memories suddenly came flooding back. "There was someone." But then, that look was mixed with pain. "Once. Nearly twenty years ago."

"What happened? If you don't mind me asking…" Julia tread carefully.

Daanis looked down at her plate for a moment, and then back up at Julia. "His name was Henry, and we were going to get married. But…there was an outbreak of diphtheria that year…" She didn't seem able or willing to say more. Julia could put two and two together from there. Diphtheria was often referred to as "the strangler", and for good reason, its victims literally strangled to death. It was a terrible disease, and antitoxins to fight it, weren't readily available in Alberta twenty years ago.

She could see the pain still etched in Daanis face, and she swallowed hard. "I'm sorry." Julia said softly.

Daanis looked at her gravely, could see she meant it. "There was just never anyone else that measured up to my Henry."

Julia could somehow relate to that. Nathan was her match, and she couldn't imagine anyone else ever capturing an inch of her attention. Ever.

Julia whispered. "He was your person."

Daanis smiled soft. "Exactly." And the two women found a common thread of understanding.

"I'm sorry." Julia said it again, but this time, she said it for all the things Daanis never got to experience with her Henry.

"Life goes on." Daanis said sadly. And the way she said it, gave Julia a slight indication of the years she'd suffered. Yes, life always did go on, and Daanis had been forced to live it, whether she'd wanted to or not. And she'd lived with a pain that had perhaps not been acknowledged, at least not as it should have been. To that, Julia could also relate. After her father died, when she'd returned to Halifax, and the hospital, no one acknowledged her loss. She'd lost her father, and no one even asked about it. Whether they'd been afraid to mention it, or unsure what to say, she wasn't sure. But the fact that no one even asked hurt worse than being blindsided by a memory at an inopportune moment.

"Yes, life sure does." Julia said, in a way that communicated that she fully understood. "Whether you're ready for it or not."

And again, the two women shared a moment of connection, of understanding. The common thread was loss, and they both knew the bitter taste of it. And they had both experienced the flurry of life, that just keeps rolling past - like the scenery outside a train window, flying by - even when you are grieving.

When the moment had past, Julia decided to steer the conversation to something less somber. It was a subject she was sure Daanis would be happy to talk about. "What was Nathan like when he was younger?"

Daanis smiled deep and sat back in her chair. "Nate was about 12 when I first met him. He was quiet and introverted, didn't say much. A thinker. But Colleen could always pull him out of his shell." She smiled even bigger. "And when she did, he was clever and funny, and fun to be around."

Julia smiled, imagining it very well.

"They were peas in a pod, those two. Colleen would get into trouble, Nate would get her out of it. Or…sometimes, she'd pull him right smack dab into it." Daanis chuckled. "But she also knew just how to reach him. And I think most of the trouble they got into together, was simply to cope with the hand they'd been dealt."

Julia figured as much too. "I can't imagine Nathan ever getting into any real trouble."

Daanis laughed. "No, it was never any real trouble." She admitted. "But for him, it was trouble enough."

"That sounds like Nathan. Caught between someone he adores, and the right thing to do." Julia summarized with raised eyebrows.

"And boy, did he adore Colleen." Daanis' face became conflicted. "He was never the same after she died." But then, she realized something, and she smiled. "Until maybe now." She looked Julia over as she contemplated. "I have to admit, he seems more like himself, than he has in a long time."

"I'm glad to hear that." But Julia wanted something clear. "But I could never replace Colleen."

Daanis laughed light. "Trust me, he would never want you to." She paused. "But you have that same way of bringing him out of his shell, of loving him just the way he is, that gives him permission to be himself."

Julia smiled. "Oh, I do love him, just the way he is, for the treasure that he is." Daanis liked that. "But he also has a wonderful way of loving me."

Daanis nodded, and titled her head. "I can see that, about the two of you." She told Julia, as she called the waiter over and ordered dessert and coffee, for both of them.

After they finished, they walked around town a little while, before heading back to the livery. And as they rode back to the ranch, Julia realized just how much she liked her new friend Daanis.

When they arrived back in the stables at Aisling, Julia and Daanis talked a while longer. Then, since Nathan wasn't back yet, Julia returned to the house.

She went upstairs, grabbed her painting gear, and headed to the garden.

When Nathan finally returned, it was late in the afternoon. He and Charlie had worked long, digging and planting fence posts. It was man's work, but he enjoyed it. And he especially appreciated the time spent with Charlie, and the conversation, no matter how few words they chose to use. Now, though, he was hot and sweaty. And he wanted to find his wife.

Once inside the door, he called out, but heard no response. He had a look upstairs, and then descended the stairs into the kitchen. Still no sign of her, but he had a hunch. He went to the kitchen window and peered out.

There she was, in the garden, seated on a bench, painting. She'd used a chair as an easel and the paint box he'd given her was sitting wide open, right beside her.

He watched her for a good long minute, hated to disturb her, but his curiosity got the better of him. Plus, he missed her. So, he went out the back door, and approached.

When he got close, he realized that she was covered in paint. She'd put on an old apron, but there were rogue streaks of color even on her body. Various browns, blues, and greens had found their way to her left arm, her cheek, even her neck. She'd pinned her hair up in one of her messy buns, but even a few tendrils, fallen around her face, were streaked with color.

Julia didn't notice him standing there next to her, and continued working. But he watched her. She was focused and serious, and from time to time, inadvertently bit her bottom lip.

Nathan shifted position and moved behind her, so he could look over her shoulder. She worked carefully, meticulously, changing colors, and adding the next one, just exactly where it was needed. She wasn't like Colleen, who did everything on a whim. But Julia calculated, considered, and then confidently stroked color. Nothing was done without consideration. She reminded him of…himself.

And the end result was amazing, her work excellent. She wouldn't need three drafts to get it right. This one right here would be beautiful.

Finally, he stepped into her line of view, and placed a soft hand on her shoulder. Though she still started, he drawled out soft. "Hi."

Julia stood, her happiness to see him, written on her face. "You're back." She said softly, as her eyes wandered over him. He was sweaty and glistening, and every muscle seemed pronounced. "Did you have a good time?"

"It was hard work, but the kind I like." He told her with a crooked smile. That bit of added charm, on top of the masculine energy that was radiating off of him, was almost too much. He glanced at her canvas. "Seems like you've been back, for a little while."

She threw a glance over her shoulder, toward the painting. "Yea. I just suddenly felt…inspired."

He looked past her. "It's fantastic."

She followed his gaze, looked it over, and then brought her eyes back to her handsome husband. He smelled like cedar, muscle, and mountain forest. "Thanks." She said softly. "It's…not finished yet."

"I can see that." He took one step closer and smiled down at her. He liked the way she was looking at him. "How was your time with Daanis?"

Julia smiled, though it was mixed with a little sadness. "Good. Very nice. She's everything you said, and more. I really like her." Then Julia asked with a raised eyebrow. "And how's Charlie?"

Nathan chuckled. "Exceptionally happy today. And terribly chatty. I don't know what's gotten into him."

Julia giggled soft. "I wonder, too." She said facetiously.

He chuckled at her a second time, and shook his head. "It's so unlike him."

"What on earth was in that letter?" She smiled big, with both dimples.

He just grinned at her, he had been wondering the exact same thing.

She decided she should ask. "I don't know what else is on your schedule for today, Lawman? Should I pack this up?"

"No." He told her, as he looked over the canvas again. He hated to see her pack it up now, especially if she was feeling inspired. "Why don't we sit awhile?" He motioned to the bench.

And they sat together. Julia went back to painting, and Nathan watched her. He felt like a privileged guest, watching her work, and getting to know her better, with each calculated brushstroke.

After a long while, he decided to ask her a question. It felt somewhat out-of-the-blue, but it was a question he'd been wanting to ask for a long time. And somehow, watching her work, and realizing who'd taught her to paint, just made his mind go there. It made Nathan think of her father. So, he asked the question. "Jules. What was it like for you, after your Dad passed?"

Julia froze, in mid brush-stroke. She wasn't even sure she'd heard right, until a ball of dread dropped into the pit of her stomach. For that was a question that she, herself, had been afraid to ask, a subject she hadn't even let herself think about, even after all this time. It was off-limits. Something still so raw, she couldn't imagine talking about it, or even attempting to open up.

Sure, she'd shared some of it with Joseph and Minnie, she'd at least scratched the surface. And she'd explained the facts of it, the overview of it, to Nathan already. But this, the way he was asking it, the truth of what he wanted to know, was too much. It was a question she wasn't sure she would ever be ready to answer.

He read her resistance, and tried to smooth it over. "It's okay, if you don't want…"

She stood, so stark and so suddenly, that even Nathan was startled. "No." She even startled herself, her paint brush dropped in a whoosh, to the ground.

Nathan couldn't read the mix of emotions on her face. Intense regret, deep deep sadness, and incredible guilt. Why would she feel guilty, in relation to her father's death?

"I…I…" Julia couldn't get a phrase out of her mouth. So she settled on one word. "can't."

She turned and walked toward the house, leaving Nathan shocked and staring after her.