Chapter XCIII – Hard Truths
They entered the cistern to a myriad of familiar sounds and smells.
Breakfast was in full swing and as usual, several rogues had taken root in the kitchen to prepare various types of foods for themselves and the others. There were always at least three or four thieves working there on different things. Bishop had been roped into it himself a few times during their stay – after considerable nudging from Aeyrin who just couldn't stand substituting his cooking for so long.
The pleasant smells of spices and herbs flowed through the air, but none of that was able to hide the ever-present musty stink of the sewer.
Today it felt particularly stifling.
Nobody really paid Bishop and Brynjolf any attention when they stepped inside with somber looks on their faces, but Bryn was determined to get this over with. He headed straight towards the center of the room and situated himself below the large glowing orb.
Bishop wanted to wait by the exit, or go find Aeyrin, but Brynjolf gave him a disturbingly encouraging nod. Fuck, he didn't want to be there.
With a groan, he stepped closer, but he didn't join Brynjolf on the platform, pointedly waiting for him to get on with it. Before Brynjolf could speak though, someone finally took notice of them.
"There you are," Sapphire rushed over to Bishop with a wide grin on her face. "Come on, back to the kitchen already!" she let out a merry laugh at her own joke.
Bishop wasn't really in the mood to react. This was gonna be shitty enough to get through as it was. And when Sapphire noticed his morose expression, she instantly got defensive.
"Fucking Void, I was just kidding."
Bishop still didn't react, but he didn't really need to. Soon enough, Brynjolf's voice finally boomed all around the cistern.
"Everyone!" he called out to anyone that could hear him. "We bring some… unsettling news."
The thieves turned their attention to Bryn instantly and they all started to leave their seats and beds to gather around the central platform. They all looked anxiously from Brynjolf to Bishop and to everywhere around, possibly trying to find Karliah, if they even realized that she was gone.
Soon enough, Bishop noticed Aeyrin emerge from their small room, right outside the main circular chamber, with Raven at her heel. The Imperial was clinging to her just as they stepped out of the door, with his hand on her shoulder and his presence all too close, but the moment she saw Bishop, she instantly rushed towards him, leaving Raven behind.
While Brynjolf waited for everyone to gather around, Aeyrin made her way through the small crowd until she could finally nuzzle herself into Bishop's embrace.
"I was worried," she murmured as she pressed herself against him. And apparently she was right to be, judging from the somewhat deep cut on his cheek and the bruise under his eye. She moved her hand gently to his face to inspect the wound.
"I told you I'd be gone all night," his tone was somewhat admonishing, but he still squeezed her tighter to himself.
"I know. Still," she sighed as she looked properly at the cut. "What happened?"
He had such a somber expression on his face, it really filled her with dread. But he didn't answer her. He just shook his head instead, still with that same expression. It definitely didn't ease her worries.
"As I've said," Brynjolf started to talk again when he was satisfied with his audience. It was possible that everyone was in that room just then, listening to him. "We bring some bad news from our mission."
Only now that she was concentrating on him, Aeyrin noticed that his face was in a similar state as Bishop's. And where was Karliah? She couldn't see her anywhere. She didn't even know what their mission entailed. This didn't look good.
"We… we were making our way through the southern Rift and… we got ambushed by the bandits from Lost Knife," Brynjolf continued somberly. "I'm afraid they… managed to kill Karliah."
A series of gasps and astonished murmurs echoed through the chamber at his words.
Aeyrin's breath hitched as well in shock. The bandits killed Karliah? That seemed so… wrong, so strange. As if someone like her couldn't just end up at the end of a bandit's sword. But Aeyrin should know better – she knew how dangerous Thorn's bandits were. It was just still hard to process. She didn't feel like she believed those words quite yet.
Her eyes went to Bishop again quickly – to his somber expression and downturned gaze. He didn't meet her stare at all. In fact, he looked like he was purposefully avoiding it.
Her thoughts went to Raven right after she gave up on trying to decipher Bishop's reaction. This wasn't the place to prod him and she was worried about Raven too. Out of everyone here, he probably had the closest relationship with Karliah.
She could barely see him through the crowd, but when she finally caught a glimpse of him, all she could see was a face of pure shock and disbelief. Raven looked like he was struck by lightning. Funny, it still wasn't dawning on her.
"Good riddance!" someone from the crowd called out, followed by a few yells and snarls in his direction.
"What do we do?" another louder voice echoed as more and more joined. They were all talking over each other and exclaiming from time to time.
"We need to make a plan and get rid of those bandit shits at last!" someone else yelled.
"NO!" Brynjolf's voice suddenly drowned out everything else. It took a few seconds, but everyone started quieting down again as they stared at him, waiting. "We are not attacking the bandits! Haven't we lost enough in the past week?!"
The voices murmured again, but this time more or less in accord.
"I'm sorry we couldn't prevent this, but this is where we are now," he continued somberly. "We will still rebuild, we will still need everyone to help make our standing secure again. Even without Karliah."
"So who's gonna be the Guildmaster?" one of the voices called out, but by the time she asked the question, Delvin had already made his way through the crowd to stand by Brynjolf's side at the platform.
"What a fucking daft question," he snorted. "Brynjolf will. Who else?"
"We don't take orders from him!" one of Karliah's men called out. Most of them were never part of the Guild. They had no loyalty to Brynjolf or anyone else there.
"Nobody else is here for you to take orders from," Delvin snorted at the man, but Brynjolf quickly made a soothing gesture with his hands at the rogue and turned towards Karliah's follower instead.
"Aye. I understand. Nobody will try to make you. Maybe we can come to an arrangement though," he nodded resolutely. The man seemed placated enough. But it looked like all the work of unifying the networks was in vain now – Brynjolf would have to convince all of Karliah's associates to work with him now instead.
There were a few more shouts and murmurs, a few more questions or quips thrown at Brynjolf, but most of the thieves seemed in accord – he was the best man for the job.
When the crowd finally started to disperse a bit, Aeyrin tugged at Bishop's hand to get him away. She wasn't sure whether she already realized what happened – it all still felt surreal – but she just wanted to get him away and talk to him and to make sure that he was alright. Though she also kind of felt like she needed to talk to Raven. That was good though – worrying about them distracted her from trying to make sense of this.
But instead of letting her drag him along, Bishop shook his head at her somberly again and took her hand in his, ushering her to follow him.
She wasn't sure why he was leading her away, but she soon noticed Brynjolf ushering Delvin and Vex into the same direction. And Raven was traipsing after them as well – still with a shocked expression on his face.
It soon became clear that they were all headed to the Guildmaster's chambers.
She had no idea what was going on anymore.
…
Aeyrin still couldn't believe what she had just heard.
A Daedra worshipper. How could they have been working for a Daedra worshipper this entire time? Were they really so blinded by the threat of Mercer that they couldn't see it? She had noticed all that 'Mistress' talk, but she thought that it was some Dunmer thing! She knew that some of them worshipped the Daedra, but she learned during her studies that it was mostly just a remnant of the Ashlander ways and that they weren't actually… cultists – recruiting people and trying to manipulate them to forswear their souls. But that was exactly what Karliah was.
What she used to be.
Aeyrin had no idea how to feel about any of this. Sad that someone she had been rather close to died? Betrayed because she had been lied to? Or relieved that the hidden monster at their backs was dealt with?
It was confusing and upsetting and all she could do was to concentrate on the others and try to focus on helping them through this. That always worked the best for her. Taking care of someone was the best way to quiet down her own thoughts.
Everyone else seemed just as conflicted as she was.
Bishop had a constant somber expression on his face, but whenever she tried to reach out to him, to put her hand on his in an encouraging gesture, he just gave her a very unconvincing reassuring smile and shook her off. He was never one to make it easy.
Raven, on the other hand, accepted her concern readily. His face still looked shocked rather than mournful or angry and when she slowly reached out to him, he almost crushed her hand in his grip.
"It's gonna be a lot, making this all work out without her," Delvin sighed morosely.
"Aye. Aye," Brynjolf sighed as well. "But we'll have to make do. We'll have to try and get her allies to cooperate with us even without her. I'll start making arrangements."
There was a moment of silence when nobody seemed to know what to say anymore, all lost in their own thoughts. While Brynjolf had been recounting what happened, Aeyrin almost felt like he would start accusing Raven of being in on this madness, the way he was watching the Imperial for a reaction. But Raven's continuous shock must have dispelled all worries. Everyone knew how good of a liar he was, but even he couldn't pretend something like this, could he?
Aeyrin trusted him. And she couldn't help but get increasingly worried over his state. He hadn't made a sound the entire time and he didn't even try to communicate anything or write any questions. He just stood next to her, clutching her hand and staring into nothing.
"You said she didn't fight back," Vex broke the uncomfortable silence after a while.
"She didn't," Brynjolf shook his head. "She only asked for the Key to be returned like I said."
Aeyrin always had to force herself to keep her mouth shut whenever he mentioned the Key. Despite everything, she should get to see Gallus again. Karliah was doomed to the Evergloam anyway and not returning the Key would only punish her more. But still… giving a Daedric Prince their artifact instead of keeping it away from the wrong hands felt unwise. Aeyrin had to let this go though. Even through the betrayal, she didn't want Karliah to suffer in the afterlife even more than just by serving that monster.
"What's with your faces then?" Vex continued to question Brynjolf as she pointed at him and Bishop.
"That," Brynjolf ran his hand over the cut on his cheek – similar to the one that Bishop was wearing. "We did that to ourselves. For the… bandit ambush story."
"Right," Vex nodded with a bit of a scoff. "Placate the masses."
"Vex," Brynjolf sighed in exasperation. "Do you think that everyone would say 'no' to the empty promises of wealth and protection? It's how it always goes. But we saw what it did to Karliah. She was willing to risk plans a decade in the making just to stop Mercer from freeing himself. Just so that the Prince wouldn't punish her. I don't know about you, but I'm sick of serving despots. My family doesn't deserve to be manipulated into shit like this."
"Bryn's got a point, Vex," Delvin nodded. "Besides, we've always taken the easy way out with Mercer. I'm kinda tempted to see how we do on our own."
"That's right. We don't need anyone," Brynjolf nodded at Delvin somewhat proudly.
"Yeah, guess you got a point," Vex admitted. "I'm pretty sick of all this shit too. Just wanna get back to business."
"And now we will," Bryn gave her a small smile. He stayed quiet for a little while, and when nobody else said anything for a spell, he decided that they had all wallowed enough. "So… I think we should get to it. Take some time if you need and…"
Before he could finish, Raven took him up on the offer and let go of Aeyrin's hand. He turned on his heel so briskly that it got everyone's attention and stopped Brynjolf in his speech, and he walked away without ever sparing anyone a glance. He looked like he was almost running. He looked like he needed to be anywhere else just about then.
Aeyrin looked at the door he had just left through with concern, but it was probably not the best idea to go after him just then. He likely needed a minute alone. And she didn't really know how to make him feel better anyway. She still didn't even know how she felt.
And it looked like there was nothing else to do but to move on.
The others didn't seem to know what to do either. They shuffled their feet for a while before Vex decided to be the one to leave next.
Bishop followed soon and Aeyrin quickly caught up with him. He hadn't spoken the entire time, not that she expected him to, but he didn't really say anything to her either. When she started to walk right next to him with a palpably concerned look on her face, he merely wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pressed her closer.
He didn't even smile though and he certainly didn't say anything, constantly lost in thought with a somber look on his face.
She didn't know what to say either.
…
Aeyrin kept walking around the cistern, uncertain what to do.
Some people were still reeling a bit from the news, mostly Karliah's men, and some were instantly all business, working on building up the Guild again without the leader they had expected. Then again, at least all the thieves were alright with Brynjolf, unlike with Karliah. And hopefully the man would be able to recruit her previous allies as well – they had no one better to follow now anyway.
Aeyrin was more concerned about Bishop though. Ever since they parted shortly after leaving the Guildmaster's chambers, she hadn't seen him anywhere. It was as if he had been avoiding her and she didn't know why.
He probably didn't want to talk just yet, but it did make her feel a little insecure, even if the last thing she wanted to do was to concentrate on herself just then, she couldn't help it. Was she too overbearing? Too prodding? Was he avoiding just her because he thought she would try and force him to talk? She wouldn't! Well… she would try really hard not to, not until he wanted to.
Or maybe he was worried about her obsessing about the Key. She noticed the warning look that Brynjolf had thrown her when he was telling them about that part – she understood that her insistence on giving the Key to the Vigilants had been a concern. But she wouldn't ask them to hand it over now. Not after all of this. She would just have to hope that the Key would remain sealed in that place, wherever it was, and that it wouldn't fall into the wrong hands again.
But she didn't know if that was the reason. She just wanted to see him to make sure he was alright. Or at least going to be.
She needed to take care of someone. For the sake of her own sanity in this mess too.
With a deep sigh, she walked through another empty hallway in the convoluted passages around the cistern, leading into various small rooms. She wasn't exactly looking for Bishop, but… she was hoping that she would find him anyway.
She walked on through the random hallway until a sound alerted her. It was a series of short choked up gasps that drew her attention. It came from a nearby room.
She approached tentatively, wary to disturb whoever was in there, but she couldn't help her curiosity. And when she stepped close enough to see the source of the sobs, all that trepidation went out of the way.
"Raven?" Her voice was quiet, but it was all too audible in the tiny room.
Raven was sitting on a lone bed there in a room that looked currently very empty and uninhabited – he probably chose this place to be alone, though he didn't even close the door. Maybe he was confident enough that nobody would come anywhere near here.
When Aeyrin's voice alerted him to her presence, he quickly wiped his puffy eyes and gave her an unconvincing smile.
Maybe he didn't want her there, but she couldn't just leave him like this. There was no way.
Without another word, Aeyrin approached the bed and sat next to him. At first, she only placed her hand comfortingly on his back, stroking over it in gentle motions, but it didn't last long. A second later, Raven practically threw himself into her arms, wrapping her in a tight embrace. He pressed his face into her shoulder and began sobbing again.
Aeyrin continued stroking over his back soothingly, pressing him into her embrace. She wasn't really sure what else to do but to be there for him.
"I'm so sorry, Raven." She squeezed him even tighter. Now she kind of started to feel like crying. It was a confusing mess of feelings altogether.
They were silent for a while with only Raven's sobs and Aeyrin's soft sniffles filling the room. It took several minutes of him seeking comfort in her embrace before he gently disentangled himself and wiped his eyes again. She still kept at least one hand on his back for support though.
Raven's hands were a bit shaky, but he still reached out for the small notepad tucked to his belt and his sharpened charcoal. Aeyrin waited patiently while he struggled for a bit with the grip on the piece of coal lined with metal and then he began to scribble hastily.
When he was done, he didn't only show her the note as he usually did. He handed it to her outright, but that was probably because his hands were still shaking.
.
Why does everyone I care about have to die?
.
Reading that was heartbreaking. She knew how much he had already lost in his life. This must have been such a blow. Again. She didn't know what to tell him. There was nothing that anyone could say that would make him feel better.
She gave him a desperate look, full of pity. She knew how much she herself hated those looks, but she couldn't help it. And Raven didn't seem to get angry at her for that. He tried to smile, although it was all too subtle, and he quickly scribbled something again before handing her a second paper.
.
At least now I know. It's the first time ever I know how it happened.
.
That was so sad. He never knew how any of his loved ones died? Aeyrin knew how Jules did, but… she couldn't tell him. It would only make everything worse between him and Bishop. And Mercer probably got rid of the others secretly to punish Raven.
"Do you… do you think they shouldn't have…?" she asked uncertainly. She knew her own feelings on Daedra worshippers but… this was still different. This was someone she knew, someone she trusted. She couldn't even fathom what Raven was feeling.
He shook his head at her adamantly. Apparently he wasn't too happy about the lies and manipulations either. But that still didn't erase the sorrow. He outstretched his arms again, practically begging her with his eyes for the shelter of her embrace. Aeyrin quickly placed the notes on a chest by the foot of the bed and obliged him.
She kind of missed the comfort too.
…
Bishop continued through the long hallway, peeking into any room that was open.
Tonilia had said that she saw Aeyrin going in that direction a little while ago. She had to be here somewhere, although he had no idea why she would be in this part of the cistern.
He hadn't seen her for hours and he wasn't even sure why.
Sometimes, he felt like he just wanted to disappear with her somewhere and get 'distracted' properly. But thinking about that more made him feel… oddly uncomfortable. And it was even worse when he wondered if it would feel just as uncomfortable to her. Today was probably not the best day to resort to their usual distractions. Everything was still too fresh.
At other times, he just wanted to have her near and to talk to her and to get comforted by her. But he never really needed that before when shit happened. Why would he now? He could deal with this himself like he always did without bringing her down with him. She was probably relieved after all this. He saw her face when Brynjolf told them who Karliah really was. He didn't see a moment of hesitation there – it was pure disdain. She had this all figured out – Daedra worshippers were evil monsters, right? He kind of agreed, but… it seemed more complicated. He just didn't feel like he should mess with her head by talking about it. Not now. Maybe later they could, but… today felt too much already. For everyone.
It was better if he could deal with this shit alone, like he always used to.
But for some reason, that didn't seem to work.
He went to get some fresh air, but that was hard to come by in Riften with the sewer right there. And he didn't exactly want to go back to the wilderness right then. He did go find Karnwyr in the city and his friend tried to comfort him as best as he could when he saw how morose Bishop was, but again, it was a brief comfort. He kind of wanted to take the wolf and Aeyrin and just leave right then.
Was that such a bad idea?
He wasn't convinced if that was what he wanted to do, but he did resolve himself to finally go see her. It was almost dusk already and the day felt excruciatingly long. He just wanted to spend the rest of it in her arms.
He continued down the hallway until he heard her talk. He couldn't make out what she was saying – it was way too soft and muffled – but he could tell that it was coming from the next room.
He approached silently, but just as he got her in his sights at last, his fists clenched in anger almost instinctively.
Raven? What the fuck was he doing with her now? If this was another game to…
Oh.
Was he crying?
Shit.
Now Bishop didn't know what to do. He still wanted to have Aeyrin's company, but… it felt like he shouldn't intrude. Or maybe he should commiserate with them? Fuck… no… that sounded weird. He didn't wanna do that.
He stepped closer, but he changed his mind right after that. Luckily they weren't paying him any attention at all and his muffled movements didn't alert them to his presence.
He should just leave.
But before he managed to turn on his heel, he caught a glimpse of something – two notes in Raven's handwriting, although a bit shaky, deposited on a nearby chest.
His curiosity got the better of him and he could see the letters well enough.
He read the words, but as he got to the second note, a pang of something shot through his chest. Like a lightning struck him.
He… shouldn't be thinking about that all too much.
No. He should just… leave them to it and wait for Aeyrin to come back to their room.
Yeah. That was for the best.
…
Bishop kept staring at the stone ceiling above him, watching the occasional droplet of sewer water drip down from it.
It felt like he had been staring at it the whole night. He may have dozed off once or twice – it was the second night he had been awake after all – but he still felt like he had spent the majority of time just… staring, unable to sleep.
Aeyrin did come back to the room eventually. She was the only one. Neither Raven nor Sapphire showed up. Not that he minded. He just wanted to be alone with Aeyrin anyway.
They didn't talk. At all. He didn't really feel like it anymore and she was wary of forcing him. She just hugged him, and snuggled close to him as they rested. It was really all he wanted.
But for some stupid and infuriating reason, he still couldn't sleep with her comfortable warmth next to him.
He could not stop thinking about Raven.
Fucking Raven.
Why was Bishop obsessing over him? That guy had done plenty of his own shit, he had betrayed Bishop in the past and he was the one who technically got Jules sent back to Thorn, to his death, even if it wasn't deliberate.
Why the fuck was Bishop feeling bad for him? Why the fuck was he feeling… guilty?
That note. That fucking note.
The one about how this was the first time Raven knew how someone he cared about died. Bishop couldn't stop thinking about it.
Raven had asked him, time and time again, about what really happened to Jules. It was ridiculous. Bishop could never tell him. Ever. Raven would be livid. He would blame Bishop, rightfully so, and everything would just be worse.
Why the fuck couldn't Bishop stop thinking about telling him?
Why the fuck did that idiot had to cry? That wasn't a fair tactic!
Fuck! Fine!
Bishop was done. Done thinking about this and done feeling guilty.
He would just go find Raven right now and tell him everything. Whatever. If Raven tried to kill him after, well… Bishop wouldn't let him, obviously.
But… he did kind of deserve the truth.
For years, Raven had been living with the guilt of betraying Bishop's mutiny and sending Jules away – to his death. Again, rightfully so. But this shit was all too complicated. And the truth… sometimes it hurt, sometimes it helped, but that wasn't up to Bishop to decide.
Not anymore. There was… history. And despite everything, they weren't really enemies. Bishop had hated him for his betrayal but… he also understood it.
He gently slipped his arm from under Aeyrin's head, propping the pillow below her instead. It didn't even wake her, so he promptly shimmied along the bed towards the bottom to leave. It was almost morning already. Hopefully Raven would be up by now.
Bishop didn't really know where to look for him, but he opted for the last room he had seen him in – the one where he was crying on Aeyrin's shoulder.
And of course, that was where the man was.
He wasn't asleep. He was still on that bed, sitting silently and staring into nothing. Fuck, this was gonna be hard.
This time, Raven noticed him instantly. His eyes went wide at seeing Bishop there, but his expression turned into a scowl promptly. He reached for his notepad and began to scribble almost aggressively.
.
Go Away! I'm not in the mood for whatever this is.
.
"I'm not here to fight with you," Bishop let out a sigh, though he couldn't really blame Raven for assuming as much. "I'm done doing that." He was tired of that shit. Tired of the games they played around Aeyrin, tired of the constant blaming and sniping.
.
What do you want then?
.
Raven's response was prompt and his scowl never wavered but, without answering, Bishop gestured towards the small table with two chairs in the corner of the room. He probably needed to sit down for this and he didn't really feel like sitting on a bed with Raven. That would feel weird.
With a provokingly exasperated sigh, Raven got off the bed and moved towards the table. They both sat down and Bishop stayed silent for a while, stalling for the sake of his own uncertainty until Raven's stare became too overbearing.
"It's not what I want," he sighed as he finally willed himself to speak. "It's what you want."
Raven only gave him a dubious look in response. Fair – he was being ridiculously vague.
But he couldn't just say it without any preamble or anything. That would be too upsetting. And he had more to say too, not just about Jules. Somehow it felt like it would be easy to talk to Raven when he couldn't answer right away. And it also felt like it would be too hard, just because it was him.
"You know… uh… trusting the right people… I guess… I always kinda… struggled with that," Bishop sighed. It was the reason why all that happened. Why Jules died. "I trusted Karliah without a second thought."
Surprisingly enough, Raven gave him a very understanding nod. So did he.
"I trusted Mercer to help us get away from Thorn too," Bishop scoffed at himself, shaking his head. "But… then when I have someone I should trust, I get all fucking paranoid and fuck things up. Like with Aeyrin. Or… or like with Jules."
Raven's eyes went wide at that instantly. Bishop never started a discussion about Jules with him voluntarily. And the hopeful glint in Raven's eyes hinted at him already knowing. Already knowing that he was finally getting the truth that he always wanted.
"You… you asked about Elisie. About how Jules died. I really don't think it will help you in any way," Bishop shook his head at Raven regretfully and the man's expression instantly fell. "But… if you really want to know… I guess I'll take the risk that you'll just try to slit my throat after," he groaned. That was certainly a possibility.
Raven scowled almost preemptively, but he did nod. He still wanted to know this shit, even after all this time.
Well… his choice.
"So… Mercer sent Jules away and I went with. You know this part," Bishop fiddled with his fingers a bit nervously as he began telling the story.
Raven nodded. That was the extent of what he knew.
"Right away, Jules was thrown into a… into a fucking corpse pit. He was kept there until I proved my loyalty to Thorn, doing his fucking dirty-work." Bishop gritted his teeth and Raven gave him a shocked and sorrowful look. He knew that it was a fucking nightmare for Jules, and even worse with his condition.
"Jules got… worse. You know that it was already getting worse, but… that pit. Fuck," Bishop sighed. "After Thorn finally let him out, he needed a healer every day. That… that was Elisie. A Breton girl. His healer."
Raven didn't interrupt him, he just continued listening with a concerned expression on his face.
"So Jules and Elisie got… together. But… I was still forced to do all that shit for Thorn. He always threatened to send Jules back to that pit or to send him on those missions instead. He couldn't handle shit that dangerous."
Raven nodded in accord. He didn't seem to mind Bishop mentioning that Elisie was Jules's lover. Maybe he had figured that out before. And at least for now he looked kind of sympathetic. That would change soon.
"I… I wasn't really… doing well… with that. And… Jules and I were fighting a lot and… not talking that much. Shit was… strained. Especially after he found out what I was doing for him." Bishop paused for a moment. Now the worst part. "One day, I… I found a letter in his room. It was addressed to a leader of a paladin order and… it gave details on one of Thorn's operations. One that I was supposed to be a part of."
Raven scowled instantly, as if he could see where this was going. Well… it probably wasn't hard to guess.
"I… I made the biggest mistake in my life. I should have trusted him. But I panicked and I told Thorn. He… he sent reinforcements with us and… and the paladins took Jules with them as… as a safety measure… in case it was an ambush."
Raven didn't really react, but his eyes did water a bit. Fuck, Bishop really hoped that he wouldn't cry again. That would make this so much harder.
"I don't know who killed him. I don't know if it was a bandit or a paladin. I know that… that none of the paladins actually attacked me. And… and when I came back, Elisie told me that Jules made sure of that. He needed to get out… to get us all out. Because Elisie was pregnant."
Raven gasped a bit and his expression turned strangely… hopeful. Bishop was sure that he had just misinterpreted it.
He stayed silent, signaling to Raven that that was it. He would have braced himself for a shitstorm of trouble, but… Raven looked so… calm. It was a little unsettling.
After an agonizing moment of silence, finally Raven took hold of his notepad again and began to scribble.
.
How sick was he?
.
"After the pit?" Bishop assumed. "Very. It wouldn't have been long," he shook his head regretfully. "But… that's no excuse."
Raven nodded. They were certainly in agreement on that. He didn't communicate for another long while before he let out a resigned sigh. This was all so oddly… composed. Surprising, really. But Raven did write another note.
A few days ago, I really would have slit your throat for ever trusting Thorn over Jules.
"I didn't trust Thorn!" Bishop growled defensively. "Ever! But… but I didn't trust Jules either back then."
Raven's eyes glittered again and he gave Bishop a surprisingly understanding nod before another note.
.
It's not always easy to tell.
.
That was definitely painfully true. And now, after Karliah, Raven knew that all too well. Trusting blindly didn't pay. And being suspicious needlessly didn't either. How the fuck did anyone in this world go through life without betraying and being betrayed in turn? Well… maybe they didn't.
Another note came promptly. Much longer this time.
.
I guess she was just using me. Using all of us. Everyone I care about just wants to use me. You can be an idiot with who to trust and I'm an idiot for always letting everyone use me.
.
Raven shook his head at himself admonishingly and, this time, a lone tear did escape his eye, but he wiped it away quickly. Fuck. He looked so broken. That was uncomfortable to see.
But he was wrong.
"Jules never used you," Bishop shook his head adamantly.
But Raven only rolled his eyes at him in response. He scoffed a bit, shaking his head before he started to scribble, but it was more and more obvious how hard it was for him to hold back more tears.
.
You said it yourself. He knew what he was doing. What YOU were doing.
.
True. Bishop said that to Raven a while ago. And it was true. Jules knew about the mutiny and he used the information that Raven spilled to help it along. He fed it all to Bishop.
But Raven was still wrong.
"Sure. He took an opportunity when you started running your mouth. He saw a chance and he grabbed it. It was technically his idea, you know?" Bishop smirked, but seeing Raven's forlorn expression urged him to get onto the point he was trying to make. "But he didn't do that to you. He did it for you. For all of us. To get us all out from under Mercer's bootheel."
Raven looked at him uncertainly, as if he wasn't sure whether Bishop was just saying that to make him feel better, but he wasn't.
"He cared about you," Bishop nodded at him reassuringly. "He… he loved you."
Raven had to quickly wipe his eyes again, but his lips did quirk a bit in a grateful smile. He probably needed to hear that. He shook his head at his own lack of composure before he started to scribble quickly again.
.
I know I did the right thing by ratting you out. It would have ended badly. But sometimes I wish I did the wrong thing instead.
.
Bishop nodded. He understood. He had always understood, even if he hated the mere fact that he did. Even if he hated Raven for it.
"I did the right thing by trying and going against Mercer," he sighed morosely. "But… I know what you mean." Everything could have been different if he did what Mercer wanted and just 'toed the fucking line'. Would it be better though? He could never be sure of that.
They both stayed silent for a while in a strange and surprising mutual understanding. This ended up much less violent than Bishop had always imagined. It was kind of disturbing that he owed it all to Karliah's betrayal. But at least it was good for something.
After a while, Raven looked like he remembered something and he started to write another note.
.
What happened to Elisie? What happened to Jules's child?
.
"Elisie had the kid," Bishop smiled softly. At least they survived that shitstorm. "Her name's Zoelyine. A Breton name after… after this old witch we once knew. Apparently Jules picked that name a long time ago. And the girl looked just like him." Bishop couldn't help but chuckle affectionately for a bit, but something in his smile must have broken at least for a moment because the look that Raven was giving him was full of worry.
"That… that paladin leader… Jules asked him to take care of his family if anything… if anything went tits up," Bishop let out a regretful sigh. "Thorn let me go eventually and I escaped with Elisie. She had the kid and I stayed with them for a while… not… not with her… just… helping them out, you know?"
Raven nodded in understanding, but the worry didn't disappear from his face.
"But then the paladin came and… and he told her how Jules died. And… she never wanted to see me again," Bishop let out a sigh, half-angry and half-sad. "I… tried to check up on her sometimes… covertly, just… to see if they were alive and shit. But the paladin stayed and… I went there less and less. And one day, they were all gone. The paladin was back in his precious Solitude and… Elisie was gone, her neighbors said she left and… that she was pregnant."
Raven gasped at that and he quickly scribbled a note.
.
The paladin?!
.
Fuck, how Bishop wanted to agree with that.
"That's… that's what I thought…" he sighed. "But I'm not sure anymore."
Raven nodded, but another note was coming along already promptly.
.
Where are they now? Elisie and Zoelyine.
.
"I have no idea," Bishop shook his head mournfully. "I wish I knew, but that was the last I heard of them."
Raven nodded and before Bishop could even raise his head from its sorrowful dip, he could suddenly feel a weight on his shoulder as Raven placed his hand on him in silent support.
Funny, it was more reassuring than Bishop could have ever thought.
This whole conversation was.
It was like a weight lifted and he did feel good about doing this. Raven deserved to know. And he looked a little better off for it too.
Did they actually just have a civil and understanding conversation? That was kind of unbelievable. Aeyrin was going to think he was just making this shit up.
But he felt oddly hopeful about this. He had no illusions about never seeing an insult or a rude gesture from Raven again, but he wouldn't have it any other way. But still… they understood each other.
It was probably the only good thing that came out of this fucking mess.