The next few hours felt like they dragged on forever.
It was probably the anticipation. Aeyrin kept nervously watching the sun disappear behind the mountains before the entire plateau finally drowned in somber shadow. Secunda was not visible in the sky yet, but Messer was already peeking up over the horizon.
Technically, she knew that she was safe for another couple of hours, but she couldn't help but worry. What if the twins were wrong? What if she turned before midnight? Vilkas said that the little things were different for everyone – maybe this was part of it?
Would she even be able to tell when it was about to happen?
Last time everything happened in such chaos. She couldn't even remember what it felt like. She barely remembered anything properly. It was all a blur.
"I… I should probably go… find some place…" she let out a sigh. They'd been done with their dinner and setting up camp, except for the traps, but there wasn't really the right mood to do anything else but lie on their bedroll together, mostly silently. It was time though. She needed to find some place where to chain herself, as far away from anyone as possible. She still had her doubts, even though the brothers had sworn by those chains. They did look very sturdy, but she couldn't help it. Everything about this was terrifying, especially the loss of control.
"What?" Bishop turned his face to her with surprise in his voice. It felt like they had just been lying there together in a casual embrace, staring at the sky silently for ages. First it actually surprised him to hear any sound from her at all, but it was even more baffling when he realized what she had just said. "What are you talking about?"
"W-well… the chains… and stuff. You know. I should find a good place to do it," she explained. How could he ever forget what was about to happen?
"Yeah. You're doing that here," Bishop scowled. What was she thinking?
Aeyrin let out a sigh in response. She almost prolonged this conversation, asking him whether he was going to be the one to leave instead, but she already knew that it wasn't what he meant. She knew exactly what he meant. In fact, she suspected such a response from the very start.
"Bishop…"
"Stop doing that already," Bishop groaned. "Why do you keep trying to chase me away?"
"It's too dangerous, Bish, what if the chains don't hold? You'd be the first to…" She wasn't even sure how to finish that sentence. She didn't want to imagine what that monster could do to him.
"I'd be the first to actually expect it," Bishop smirked. "Princess, you're so fucking worried about hurting anyone, if the chains break, who's gonna stop you?"
"How are you going to stop a werewolf?" she scoffed at him. He would get mauled. Or even worse. She really didn't want to imagine that.
"Well, for one, as much as I would fucking hate shooting at you, I can paralyze you with one arrow to the arm or leg. Then I can run into the pass and find something to barricade you out here." It wasn't as if the possibility never crossed his mind.
Aeyrin's eyes went wide at him. Divines, he actually had a plan on how to subdue her? Granted, it was a pretty decent plan. At least she thought as much. Still… it was a little disturbing. She wasn't sure why. Was it because he had so much better handle on all of this than her? He was always so calm and reasonable. Well… maybe except for when he found out about the Shouts not working. But still. He already chased away Karnwyr and risked getting killed by the brothers for the bounty. It was still staggering how much he was willing to do to make all of this easier on her.
And to be fair, the last thing she wanted was to be alone. But she still couldn't help but worry incessantly. She would never forgive herself if something happened to him.
"What if you're not quick enough?" she sighed, chastising herself a little for trying to persuade him. She really wanted him here. "Aren't you even a little scared how horribly this can all end up?"
"You mean: am I scared of you?" he smirked, but his face turned serious again within a second. "I am scared. But not in the way you think. I'm scared of what this is doing to you and I know that we have to learn to deal with this. At least for now. But I'm not scared of this… 'monster' you claim to be now." Whether she was in control or not, it was still her, wasn't it? He was scared for her often enough, but never of her. "Besides, you know I'm good with wolves," he grinned.
"This is… much worse than a wolf," Aeyrin sighed. She was pretty sure that he still didn't realize what he was going to be dealing with. And she didn't want him to see her like that. But being alone through this was even scarier.
"I know," he nodded in response. "But I'll be fine. We'll be fine. I'll be ready for anything to go wrong and I promise you, we'll both make it through the night unscathed."
She really wanted to believe that. He sounded so reassuring. She felt like she should keep convincing him, she felt like she should try so much harder to make him leave. But part of her was screaming for her to shut up, to just take comfort in his presence here, to trust him to take care of anything that might go awry.
He had given the worst case scenario a lot more thought than she had anticipated. And Vilkas and Farkas were sure that the chains would hold. She was probably not as strong a werewolf as Farkas would ever be, right? He was twice her size.
Maybe she was just trying to make up excuses why to keep Bishop around, but she was just… so tired of being afraid all the time, ever since this happened. Was it really wrong to let herself fall back on the comfort of him watching over her?
"Can you actually stay up?" she asked worriedly. Neither of them had slept the entire night before and now that would just add another. She knew that she was exhausted, but she could never fall asleep with this looming over her. Bishop, however, would have to be much more alert than her the entire time.
"I'm fine. Not the first time I had to go without sleep for this long. And we'll get some rest once the sun is up," he gave her a reassuring smile. He was definitely gonna be too anxious to fall asleep while she was in that… state.
"And you'll keep your bow with you all the time?" She knew that he would, she just… felt like she needed to ask. It made her feel a bit less guilty, even if just very little.
"Of course, love. Stop worrying. The chains will hold anyway. We'll be fine." He leaned in to plant a comforting kiss at the top of her head and he squeezed her a bit tighter to himself.
She stayed silent after that. She wasn't sure what to do anymore to reassure herself and she didn't have it in her to try to chase him away again. She was so tired. And not just from the lack of sleep. She couldn't even muster the strength to obsess over her predicament anymore. It's all been too much. And it still didn't even feel real, in a way. She felt like she was just having some long nightmare.
If only. What she wouldn't give for all of this to be just some concoction of that cursed Skull again.
She closed her eyes as the plateau got enveloped in silence again. She just wanted to think of something else. Anything.
And then she remembered another revelation that happened today.
"Do you… wanna talk?" With everything that was going on, she didn't even think to ask before. Not that he would want to talk. Or maybe he would. She wasn't sure. Obsessing over yet another thing like that was just exhausting, so she asked. He could always rebuff her if he wanted to.
"What do you wanna talk about?" Bishop moved his hand to play with a strand of her hair idly.
Oh. He thought she wanted to talk about something. That wasn't what she had meant.
"No… I mean… do you want to talk?" she asked again. Though she realized that she hadn't really made it any less confusing.
"Ah. About Torban?" he sighed. He caught on quickly, even without her specifying it. "You know I never really wanna talk about him. But… I know you just wanna distract yourself with this. I don't mind."
That just made her feel guilty. Like she was manipulating him into this. Was it really a manipulation though when he knew exactly what she was doing? It wasn't just that though. She knew him well enough by now to know that, no matter how much he felt like he didn't want to talk, it always made him feel better. She wasn't sure if this was even something he felt bad about. If this was something he had a hard time talking about. After all, this wasn't something that he should feel bad about, not after even the little he had told her about his father. He had clearly brought down a tyrant. Another tyrant.
"No… I just… you don't have to… I just thought…" she wasn't sure what to say to that. He was right, but that didn't mean that this would just be something to distract her. It didn't mean that she didn't care.
"It's fine, princess. You know that I don't mind talking to you," he smiled softly. Maybe it would actually lift some weight, even though it should have been long past buried. He knew all too well that this still bothered him. Even if he wasn't so self-aware about this, the dreams he had remembered after the whole Skull debacle kind of gave it away. Torban's death was still clearly on his mind. And talking to Aeyrin about this kind of shit always somehow made it at least a little better. He wasn't sure why. It felt better even when she didn't say anything reassuring. It was like a weird magical fix. Or a partial fix at least.
"You said… that he killed your brother?" Aeyrin asked carefully. She never really knew whether she was broaching subjects that were too sensitive, but lately Bishop had been so much more open with her about these things. Even if they were painful to him. Maybe one day she would stop worrying about overstepping by asking questions.
"Yeah… he did," Bishop sighed. "Jack. He was the eldest of us. At least… as far as we knew," he scoffed. Who knew how many bastards Torban had left behind before he married Rina?
Jack. Bishop had never mentioned a Jack. Aside from the sea captain, that is. Then again, Bishop had rarely ever even mentioned any other siblings aside from Jules.
"Were you two close?" she prodded a little again.
"Not… exactly," Bishop shook his head. "I wouldn't call it that. He was an asshole. Sometimes. But I guess we all were, kinda. Was pretty hard not to be in that environment. The thing is, in the… family… or… clan, whatever, there were only two ways we turned out. You either followed Torban's schemes blindly, out of fear or out of some kind of sick admiration, doesn't matter, the result was the same. Or you fought to get out. You already know what side of that Jules and me were on. Jack… he fought too. He was the first one who actually succeeded. At least the first one we saw succeed. In a way," he let out a long sigh at his own words.
"He butted heads with Torban for a while until he left," Bishop continued. "I don't know what actually happened. Torban had a lot of connections and he always kept tabs on us and the loyal siblings were always quick to rat anyone out. We could never actually get away from him. We could never actually keep any money for ourselves. It was not like we were always with the clan, but wherever any of us were, Torban always knew and he made sure to send his thugs to extort money or drag anyone back whenever he needed help with his schemes. Jules ran away once when he was little. He was gone for weeks and too little to think of any of the consequences. But he was always resourceful. He would have done fine. But that stupid fuck came back for me. Said he knew where we could get some money quickly and then we could just leave Cyrodiil. That was always the only safe bet. But when he came back, Torban beat the rebellion right out of him. He made sure to drag Jules's plan out of him and make sure to take care of his opportune money source on his own. But Jack managed to leave. Kind of."
Aeyrin only kept listening with rapt attention as he continued to play with her hair. It was weird, it didn't even feel like he was telling her some gruesome personal tale. It was like he was reciting some bedtime story. Though a rather horrifying one.
"One day, Jack just… disappeared. We had no idea what happened and nobody was brave enough to ask. He did come back a month or so later. He said it was to check on us, on his siblings, but we knew that he wouldn't come back unless he had to. I think he made some deal with Torban. He only ever stopped by for a little while every month or so and then he left again. Maybe he was giving him some information, or maybe he was paying him off, I don't know. Torban allowed us to leave for some shit, but never to actually live a normal life with money and stuff – that always belonged to him. But Jack did. He actually looked well off. He was telling us about some new place he was living in, the job he had – he was helping some Khajiit traders with their business in the Imperial City. He was doing well for himself. As far as we knew, he didn't have to do the shit we did. Banditry and stealing and smuggling and all that. Once he even came and talked about a girl he got engaged to. He was planning to start a family. He was… kind of an inspiration. None of us had ever even dared to imagine that kind of life for ourselves. I'm… not sure why Torban even let him fill our heads with… hope," Bishop scoffed. He still sometimes wondered about what Jack had to do to keep Torban off his back.
But none of it mattered in the end. As long as Torban was alive, nobody was ever really free.
"I don't really know what happened. I don't know if Jack did something to piss Torban off or if… if it was just something Torban did on a whim. I wouldn't put it past him. We didn't find out what happened until Jack came back once, sooner than usual. He kept yelling at Torban. Turned out, that after Torban found out about Jack getting engaged, he decided to track down his girl. He raped her, kept claiming she 'liked it' when Jack was shouting at him. Sick bastard. After that, shit escalated and Jack challenged Torban to a duel. He lost."
Maybe that was the point. Maybe Torban only let Jack have it all before he took it away. Maybe it was supposed to show them all that there was no escape, no hope for a better life. It was his own undoing though. It was the last straw. It was right after that when Bishop and Jules started plotting.
"Jules and I talked about our escape a lot after that. We had always assumed we needed to find a way to leave somewhere he wouldn't be able to get to us. Get some protection or enough money to travel far away. But Torban made it clear. We knew then that as long as he was there, there was no getting out of his clutches. So… we worked on a different plan," Bishop couldn't help but smile a bit. It was so fucking weird. In a way, he was so glad that they killed that bastard. If it weren't for those last words, he would have probably never even given it a second thought, not beyond being happy with the results.
"To kill him?" Aeyrin asked. She said that as if she had been holding her breath the entire time.
"Yeah," he nodded. "I challenged Torban to a duel. He kept taunting me that I wanted to end up like Jack, but he didn't know that I had Jules helping me. It gave me the edge I needed. Jules snuck up behind him when he was focused on me and he made him trip and fall on his back. Then I was able to actually kill him. I would never really stand a chance against him in a fair combat," he sighed.
"Like what you two did in Dawnstar? With that… assassin?" Aeyrin asked. Suddenly that image popped into her head, just as Bishop had mentioned it.
"Yeah. That's right. It was kinda risky in retrospect. Most of the clan was watching. I'm still surprised that no one warned Torban. But… maybe even those 'loyal' to him secretly wanted him dead all along." That was very likely. Even Ost, Torban's biggest suck-up, likely wanted him out of the way. That asshole was exactly like Torban. Of course he would want him out of the way so that he could take his place.
"Jules and I left after that. It wasn't easy, but we managed to get out of Cyrodiil and away from any of our dear siblings who might think they would need to take us down to assert their dominance. Not like they were grateful anyway. And Rina was just pissed that she was alone to support the kids. Guess she'd rather have her husband constantly beat her than to actually have to fucking lift a finger beyond spreading her legs," he scoffed. It didn't really matter. It was not like he wanted everyone to sing their praises and ooze gratitude. That wasn't the point. They just needed to get away. That was the important part.
"So… what happened to everyone after that, do you know?" Aeyrin asked curiously. She kind of hoped that he would have some uplifting stories about how everyone's lives got better, but she doubted that. Maybe she really was getting jaded.
"Couldn't care less, sweetheart. I never saw any of them or heard about them ever again. Thank the fucking Gods," he scoffed. Good fucking riddance. They were all messed up. Every single one of them.
Aeyrin snuggled up closer to him, laying her hand on his chest and running it over his shirt with slow circles. She hoped that talking about it would ease his mind, but there was clearly still something bothering him – his brows were constantly creased in deep thought. Was there something to what Farkas had said? Did Bishop regret killing family? It didn't really sound like him, given his attitude towards them. But maybe he was just not admitting it to himself. Or maybe it was something else.
"You did a good thing," she gave him a gentle smile. Family or not, his father was a tyrant. The world was better off without him. "For you and Jules and for the clan, even if they didn't admit it."
"Yeah… I know," Bishop sighed, but the frown still didn't disappear from his face.
"So what's bothering you?" she poked her finger into his chest briefly.
Bishop gave her a startled look for a bit. Why would she assume something was bothering him? Then again… he shouldn't really be surprised. She could read him like an open book by now.
"Ugh… it's nothing… it's…" he sighed again. It was stupid. Why was he still thinking about this? "Look, I don't regret what I did. It had to be done. And Torban deserved far worse for what he had been doing to us for years. I don't care that he was my father. You of all people know that it doesn't mean shit," he grumbled. "It's just… something he said. Before he died."
Aeyrin didn't prod him any further, waiting patiently before he spoke again. There was a long moment of silence which she didn't dare to interrupt, but then he finally broke the quiet again.
"He said that it was exactly what he would have done. Setting him up like that," he let out a sigh. It sounded idiotic to be bothered by this, he realized that even as he said it. But he still couldn't help it.
"Bish," Aeyrin gave him a small smile. He knew what she was going to say, but he still felt like he needed to hear it from her. "You know that doing the same thing doesn't make you the same person. You did what you had to do to survive and get free. You helped everyone by killing him. What does it matter how it happened? You're nothing like him."
"Yeah… I know…" he sighed. He wished he could have beaten him in a fair fight, but that would have just gotten him killed. Exactly like Jack. He wouldn't have stood a chance.
"I know that it doesn't really matter who does bad things, not for the people who suffer because of them. The results are the same," she continued talking in a soothing voice. It sounded like she wasn't referring to Torban anymore. Maybe more Bishop's entire life in general. "But the circumstances still matter for what kind of person you are. Your father caused people pain because he wanted to, there was nobody forcing him, nobody holding his leash. I know you can't ever feel alright about these things but… you're still a very different person than he was. Than any of them were."
Bishop placed another kiss on the top of her head again, now a much longer one, and he lingered to nuzzle his cheek into her hair for a bit. He didn't care if it was all just platitudes. He didn't even care that it didn't really matter – he had still done some bad shit in his life. Maybe he just needed her to think that. To think that he was a better man than he thought himself to be. It was enough.
"So are you," he squeezed her closer to himself, eliciting a confused look from her at his words. "Stop calling yourself a 'monster'. If you had any control, you would have never hurt those people."
"We'll see what you think after tonight," she sighed morosely. He would get to actually see the monster only in a little while.
"I wouldn't worry about that," Bishop smiled a bit.
Even if she spent the whole night trying to rip him to shreds, he couldn't imagine loving her any less.
…
"I think it's time," Aeyrin whispered quietly into the silence of the night.
Up until now, only the soft, distant sounds of some nightly critters had been permeating through the area. They stayed lying there until the darkness enveloped them and Aeyrin tried to stay calm throughout. But she couldn't take it anymore.
Bishop peered up at the moons in the sky. Beyond the soft northern lights, Messer was slowly descending before its next ascent while Secunda was nearing its highest peak. They always helped him tell the time reliably.
"It's still another hour or so," he retorted.
"I… I know. I just can't take it anymore. I keep worrying that it will happen sooner," Aeyrin sighed. "I don't care if I have to be naked and freezing and in chains, I just don't want to risk anything. Please, can we?"
"Alright, love," he nodded. It was understandable. The anxiety must have been getting worse and worse with each passing second.
He leaned towards her briefly to place a reassuring kiss on her lips before he got up from the bedroll. They didn't have a spare one and Aeyrin might just thrash this one if he let it have her, but they did have a spare fur blanket. It would keep her at least a little warm.
Aeyrin got up right after him. She took the blanket from him as he handed it to her and she brought it over towards the spot they had chosen earlier – it had plenty of very sturdy and healthy trees around to tie the chains to. She spread out the blanket onto the ground, smoothing it out a bit before she sat on it. It was their biggest one, she could stay on part of it and cover herself a little with the rest. It wasn't ideal, but it was the best they had.
She could faintly hear the chains rattle on the other side of the camp as Bishop began untangling them, but she didn't look back at him. Even the sounds alone were making her anxious. Instead she focused on getting rid of her clothes. It was odd. It was just her and Bishop here and Gods knew she had undressed in front of him a thousand times before. He was usually undressing too, but that wasn't what was making this all feel different. It just felt… oddly degrading. Not the act itself, but she couldn't stop thinking about how she would be chained up to those trees in a second. Really like a wild animal on display. This felt nothing like all those times before when she undressed in their camp. It didn't feel even a little bit like the times Bishop tied her to a bed either. There was no excitement, no part of this that made her feel all giddy and warm. It just felt cold and humiliating.
At least she wouldn't remember it after she turned. Losing control like that was so scary, but she was a little relieved that she didn't have to be conscious through it. She really could do without those kinds of memories.
When she was done removing all her clothes, she quickly wrapped herself up in what was left of the blanket. She wasn't even sure why, she wasn't sure who she was hiding from – it definitely wasn't something Bishop hadn't seen before.
Bishop continued fiddling with the chains for a while longer, making her more and more anxious for no reason. She knew this was coming. And it was just a safety precaution – what was she even worrying about?
But after a few more minutes, Bishop was done untangling the chains and he approached her with them in his hands. It looked quite menacing. She couldn't help but think about what this could look like to anyone who might be seeing them like this.
Bishop looked down at her with palpable concern. Something in her face must have shown how nervous she was about all this, though that had always been a hard thing to hide for her.
"We don't have to do this if you don't want to," he gave her a weak smile.
"What else can we do?" Aeyrin scoffed in response. Her running free was not an option. Even the Companions, no matter how 'normal' they thought this werewolf thing was, were not willing to let the newly turned run around and wreak havoc, not when they had no control.
"I really don't know," he sighed. He wished he would. He would prefer going somewhere even more secluded and let her just… do whatever she was going to do, but he knew that she would never allow it.
"Just… get this over with, please," she grumbled. She just wanted this night to be over already. And the next night as well.
Bishop knelt down by her side and he started to prepare the chains. There were three of them, all with ring-cuffs on them – two for hands and one for neck. The cuffs were much larger than Aeyrin's hands or neck. She might even be able to pull her hands out of them without any effort – they were clearly made for the werewolf that she would become soon.
She gave him access to her wrists first, letting him snap the cuffs closed around them, before she craned her neck to expose it. Bishop gently brushed her hair back and then he closed the last one around her neck – the heavy collar. It was uncomfortable, but it was wide enough for her not to get choked by it even a little. The only bad thing was the pressure from the weight at the back of her neck.
It was done within seconds and Bishop grabbed the other end of one of her chains and moved with it to a nearby tree. It had a sturdy-looking snap-hook at the end so he could tie it around anything, no matter the size.
Aeyrin stayed silent while he worked, but when she finally saw him fasten the last chain, she instantly yanked on them, as hard as she could. She tried a couple more times for good measure, but they held fast. It seemed safe. But she could probably not match the strength of a werewolf, no matter how hard she tried.
She stopped rattling the chains after that and curled herself up into the blanket again. A few seconds later, Bishop sat down right next to her, close enough that his body pressed up against hers under the furs, and he wrapped his arm around her shoulders.
For a moment, she leaned on him, pressing her head against his shoulder, but she straightened herself back up again soon enough.
"Bish, you need to go," she sighed. Having him so near just made it harder for her to pull away.
"Princess," he let out a sigh on his own. It felt like almost everything she said was her just pushing him away. He understood why, but still, he couldn't help but feel dejected by it.
"Bishop, please, don't make this harder," she pleaded. He knew that she didn't want to risk anything, and as much as she longed to be near him while she was this scared, it was for the best.
With another sigh, Bishop moved away from her and towards the fire. He moved the bedroll to the side so that it would be right opposite her – a safe distance away, and he grabbed his bow and arrows to lay them onto it. He settled himself on the bedroll as well then, crossing his legs and just watching her. He wasn't sure what else to do.
This was going to be a long hour.
…
Bishop had been especially alert for the past few moments.
It must have been around midnight already. Secunda was high in the sky, shining brightly in its full phase. It was hard to tell whether it was already at its peak, but it could happen at any minute.
He could see Aeyrin shake. He wasn't sure if it was from the cold or from the anxiety, but it was killing him nonetheless that he had to just sit there and wait instead of wrapping his arms around her.
But through that all, he couldn't deny a certain sense of… curiosity.
He had only ever seen a few werewolves briefly, mostly from a distance. He had never fought one, not that he was planning to fight one now. And he had never really seen one turn.
Was it odd that he was kind of looking forward to seeing what it would be like? Maybe it was just the anticipation after the arduously long day. He hated the fact that Aeyrin had to deal with this shit, but he still couldn't help but wonder if it could really be as bad as she imagined. It was still her, wasn't it? The Companions regained control after a while. That meant that the person underneath was still there. It wasn't just a mindless monster.
He didn't have to wait too long to find out.
Aeyrin was still huddled in the blanket, but then suddenly, she straightened up sharply and her eyes went wide. Bishop worried that the transformation would be painful for her – she had enough of that shit with everything that being a Dragonborn did to her, but she didn't even make a sound. No cry of pain, no scream. She only gasped a bit, but it was barely audible.
He had expected to see some strange process of her body morphing, but he was sure that if hadn't been so focused on her, he would have missed it entirely. It barely took a second or two. She curled herself into a ball again and then it happened all too fast. The blanket fell from her as her body rapidly grew, he could barely make sense of what happened before the werewolf stood before him.
It should have looked like any other one of them – like any of the beasts he had seen before in the past. But this was… different. Her frame towered among the trees, she was definitely taller than him and bigger – that was new. But there was also something so… familiar about her. Her golden fur almost shone in the moonlight, it all looked as soft as her hair. One of her wolven ears was missing the very tip, barely noticeable over the fur. But more than anything, he was left staring at her eyes. Those black eyes he had looked into thousands of times before. No matter the form, he could see her in them. The familiar glint in the mesmerizing black emptiness.
She looked… calm. He expected her to get 'feral' right away, but she didn't. She just looked back at him as he stared at her with strange fascination. He felt like he could see the recognition in her eyes. She knew that it was him, didn't she? She didn't want to attack him. It was still her.
He couldn't help himself. He had promised her not to approach her, but he expected something else entirely. He expected chaos and something wild and untamable. He didn't expect… her. Not like this.
He stood up onto his feet promptly, leaving his bow lying there on the bedroll. He wasn't even sure why. He just wanted to go to her, to stroke over that fur and to be with her through this. Maybe she was already in control. It wouldn't be that strange. He was pretty sure that she was much more used to controlling forces beyond her understanding than the Companions. She was much stronger than any of them. And she had been so scared of this moment. He always knew how to reassure her.
There was no sound on the plateau besides her heavy panting. It really did sound like a wolf, but that could hardly deter Bishop. He always liked wolves.
He took a few tentative steps towards her first, but she didn't even move. She still just stood there, watching him. Her eyes were narrowed and anyone seeing it would have probably assumed that she was watching a prey, ready to pounce. But he could have sworn he noticed something else in them. A familiar look. Pleading, asking him to come closer, to stay with her.
And he really felt like ruffling that soft fur behind her damaged ear.
He released the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding and he gave her a determined nod. She still looked calm and he took the last few steps closer, towards her.
But just as he reached close enough, suddenly a feral snarl roared through the air. It was followed by rattling of chains as Aeyrin lashed out at him, trying to slash him with her sharp claws.
Bishop jumped out of the way at the last second, and in his panicked move, he tripped on one of the rocks nearby and sprawled back onto the ground. Aeyrin kept snarling, barking and trying to lunge at him, but she was always stopped short only a step away from him. The chains held fast, but she was straining them as much as she could.
Bishop only let out a shock gasp as he watched her thrash in her bindings. Granted, it was a… somewhat terrifying sight.
But when Bishop realized what just happened, he couldn't really help himself but let out a little incredulous laugh.
"Holy fuck! That was… that was vicious, princess," he chuckled breathlessly. Alright, maybe he was reading into it a bit? Maybe he was just imagining the recognition in her eyes. Maybe he got a bit overeager and definitely overconfident in his effect on her when she wasn't even really conscious. He should have seen this coming. But he knew how much he wanted it to be her. Really her. How much he wanted to reassure her in the morning that she was no monster to be feared.
It was both disappointing and fascinating.
He shuffled back to return to his bedroll, but Aeyrin never calmed down throughout, even though she must have known that he was well out of reach. She kept thrashing, trying to lunge at him. Did she want to just kill him or… eat him? Maybe he shouldn't think about that too much. She was going to do neither.
He let out a sigh as he settled himself in his previous spot again, watching her rattle the chains and try to get out of them. He had gotten too hopeful. He needed to stay more rational. This shit would take time. She wasn't going to be in control, just like that.
Still… he couldn't bring himself to think of her as a monster, as she so often liked to think of herself. It was nothing unfamiliar. A caught animal, lashing out.
He watched her for a while longer before he noticed something else.
Aeyrin hadn't removed her necklaces. She had them before when she went to meet Aela, so they hadn't snapped during her last transformation, but now he could see the small chain with the wolf-head ring on it stretched tautly around her neck, right below the metal collar holding her at bay. It was a pure fucking miracle that it survived the previous night. It could snap at any moment.
She really shouldn't be wearing it. It would definitely break at some point. The ring would survive, but still, it could be lost, or at the very least, she wouldn't be able to wear it until she bought a new chain. That would be a shame. He loved the fact that she had almost never taken it off ever since he had given it to her.
He should really take it off her.
But how?
She was still thrashing in her chains, still trying her best to attack him.
"You know, you haven't slept in two days. This is gonna tire you out eventually," he smirked at her. Could she understand him? He wasn't sure, but she didn't do anything to stop the sharp movements and the constant growling.
He stood up on his feet once more and took only two steps forward, well out of her reach. But even that slight action made her thrash even more as she let out several vicious growls in succession.
She wasn't wrong, it wasn't the same as a wolf. A wolf would have tried to escape its captivity right away, it would have exhibited at least some fear at someone approaching it. But not her. She stayed calm at first, as if she was trying to lure him closer. She wasn't even thinking about escape – it was all about attacking. He wasn't sure how to approach this.
And to be fair, he never really even managed to tame a wolf. Not really. Karnwyr was… special. He took to Bishop right away when he was just a pup, bred for the fighting pits. Bishop never really had to put in any effort for the wolf's loyalty. He knew how to scare wolves away, how to recognize when they would attack, he knew how to retreat from one, but this all felt so much different. Even constantly maintaining eye contact with her didn't seem to calm her in the slightest. And he felt like being loud and menacing would just make her more aggressive.
He was out of his depth.
Maybe he shouldn't be thinking about how to calm down a wolf though. It was clearly useless.
Maybe he should be thinking about how to calm down Aeyrin.
One sure way to calm her down was always to distract her. She used this tactic on herself all too often. She usually did that by fussing over him in turn, but that was clearly not going to happen now. Although… how would she react if he hurt himself?
That was probably a stupid idea though. The smell of blood could make her even more erratic.
No, there were different ways to distract her. Though his usual and sure-fire way was definitely not an option here. But there was one more trick up his sleeve.
No matter what, Aeyrin could always get sufficiently placated with food.
He gave her a sly smirk, as if he had just found a way to trick her. Maybe he had. He moved towards their supplies promptly and located their meat bag.
He could probably just toss her a slab of raw meat. It gave raw stuff to Karnwyr often enough, but… then again. He couldn't help but recall what little she had told him of her experiences last night. How sick she felt from the taste in her mouth when she turned back. That was… very likely from human flesh. At least he had assumed as much, after what happened in Whiterun. But regardless, giving her any raw meat might just leave her with a strange taste again in the morning and the last thing he wanted was for her to relive those memories, or panic that she did something to someone again.
He pulled out a large slab of venison and he briefly looked back at her. She was still thrashing and yanking on her chains, still growling and still trying to lunge at him. But hopefully that would change. She always liked a treat.
"Well… I guess I'm cooking again," he smirked. It was not as if he had anything better to do all night.
There were still hours and hours left to kill.
…
The smell of spiced venison permeated through the air.
It was already working. At least Bishop had ascribed Aeyrin's calmer behavior to the smell of meat. She was still occasionally yanking on her chains, but the growling was more and more subdued and the movements sparser.
He was roasting the meat near an open flame, only using a rock without any of the dishes. It was quicker that way and at least it made the smell more prominent. When he flipped the meat over once more, Aeyrin actually let out a little desperate whimper.
That was… actually pretty cute. For a werewolf.
"You know, I'm not really sure if it's you or the wolfy you now," Bishop smirked as he looked back at her. "I can imagine both of you well enough making those sounds at my cooking," he chuckled.
Aeyrin growled at that, but it didn't sound nearly as angry as it had before. Maybe the smell of the food was really placating her. Or maybe she was getting tired. Or maybe it was the sound of his voice. He hadn't really spoken to her much since she turned.
"I wonder if you can understand me," he looked at her again with a pondering expression on his face. Aeyrin did nothing but growl a bit once more. "I mean… why wouldn't you, right? It's not like you forgot Cyrodiilic, is it? Although… you're not really conscious either. Fuck… I don't know how any of this shit works."
Aeyrin didn't growl this time. In fact, she seemed a little surprised that he just kept talking.
"Heh, you don't know either, I guess," he smirked. "You won't even be able to tell me if you understood me once you turn back. But you would understand me when you're in control though, right? It makes sense. So… can you talk when you're in control? You should be able to. Is the voice different? Because I don't know why, but I feel like it would be more disturbing to hear your voice coming out of a werewolf."
He concentrated on checking on the meat for a second or two again, but surprisingly enough, Aeyrin remained more calm. Strange. But maybe the sound of his voice really did soothe her. It wouldn't be the first time. But then again, he really shouldn't be making the same mistake he had right after she turned. It may have been another ruse.
"I can't decide whether the silence means that you're calming down, or whether you just wanna kill me even more," he let out a brief chuckle, but one look at her made a shiver run down his spine. She definitely looked menacing right then. Maybe she always looked this menacing – he just chose not to see that as he was searching for her underneath the werewolf.
No matter. He still had a mission. He needed to get that necklace.
And now he had his distraction too.
The meat looked finished already and it filled the whole area with a very pleasant smell. He was almost tempted to eat it himself. But as he pulled on one of his leather gloves so as not to burn his fingers and grabbed the large slab of venison with his hand, he could see Aeyrin's eyes widen with eagerness. So fucking cute.
He almost tossed her the entire thing before he reconsidered. If this didn't work, he would have to take more meat from their supplies again in order to try one more time. So instead, he tore off only one piece for now.
He approached her slowly, still keeping out of her reach. She stayed calm all throughout, but her eyes were constantly fastened on the piece of meat in his hand.
He took one tentative step even closer before he outstretched his hand with the meat. He had a good plan. It was like placating any animal. He could just approach safely once it was grateful for the treat. Aeyrin lunged at the meat instantly and he tossed it towards her maw, avoiding getting bitten in the process. She began chomping on the meat right away and he took the opportunity to approach her closely.
He hadn't even made up his mind if he should try to stroke her fur first or if he should just go for the necklace right away. He didn't get to do any of those. As soon as he was close enough, Aeyrin lunged again with a feral growl. He barely managed to jump out of the way once more.
"Fuck," he let out a startled gasp. He really thought that this would work.
Alright. No treating her like an animal. She was clearly smarter than that, even without any conscious control. He still had one idea though. And some more meat left.
It was a good thing that he made it with so many aromatic spices. It was great for dulling her sense of smell at least a little. Bishop's movements were always muffled and now he just needed to take care of the last thing giving him away.
He moved towards his pack and rummaged around for an invisibility potion. This time it would work. He might not be able to calm her down and prevent her from attacking him at every second, but he could still trick her.
He prepared the potion in his hand as he approached her once more. She was already finished with the slab she had already received, but he had the rest of it ready for her.
Bishop quickly tossed her the meat again, this time without getting too close. And just as her concentration got torn away by the food, he promptly gulped down the invisibility potion. It may have been stupid to waste one on something so banal, but he was determined to get that necklace, no matter what.
Aeyrin wasn't paying any attention to him anymore, so he started to sneak up on her, making a wider circle so that he could get to her from behind. As he slowly and carefully approached, he could see the fastening of the silver chain hidden by her fur, digging into her neck. She would definitely feel it when he tried to unfasten it. He had to be quick. Luckily he had nimble fingers, used to working with lockpicks under stress.
He could only hear the sounds of her chewing on the meat as he approached. He got as close as he could without altering her, reading himself, before he lunged.
His fingers instantly wrapped around the chain's fastenings, right below the heavy metal collar, digging into her furry skin. He could feel her move sharply, but he was faster. He didn't think it all the way through though.
As he quickly unfastened the chain and yanked it back, the ring slid from it easily, launched by the momentum. Bishop didn't see where it fell, he only realized what happened when he was holding the empty chain in his hand. And there was no more time to ponder on it either. Despite his invisibility, Aeyrin was quite precise in locating him. He barely managed to dodge her claw as it tried to slash at his neck and then he had to duck to the ground to evade the second one. He practically rolled out of the way, panting in exertion from the chaos that ensued for a moment, but he was safe. Aeyrin, however, looked livid. Constantly snapping her teeth at him and rattling the chains as she tried to slash him with her claws again.
Alright. Not a great result, but he had the chain. Now he needed to see where that ring fell. He may have caused the exact thing he was trying to prevent – getting it lost.
No matter. It couldn't have been too lost. It would be somewhere around Aeyrin. He might not get it until the morning, but that didn't matter right now.
Bishop got up on his feet once more and stepped away, letting Aeyrin growl at nothing, now that she wasn't sure where he was again. He made another wide circle around her before he found himself by the bedroll once more.
While Aeyrin continued to lash out, he looked carefully around the ground. The light of the campfire helped him out a bit, but it was still hard to see. He kept looking, while his invisibility dissipated and Aeyrin turned towards him again to direct her anger properly.
He sat back on the bedroll, ignoring Aeyrin altogether while he continued to scan the ground. It took a long time while she never calmed down, but after what felt like at least half an hour, he finally saw something glint in the grass.
It was too far for Aeyrin to reach, fortunately, and he quickly snatched the ring back. Aeyrin suddenly calmed down, watching him, as he carefully slid the ring back onto the chain and held it up to her to demonstrate his find.
"Got it!" he grinned at her. "See? Big, tough werewolf and you still couldn't keep me away," he chuckled. It was quite a satisfying victory.
He fully expected Aeyrin to lash out again, barking and growling wildly. But she didn't. She didn't remain calm either though.
Her eyes were fixed on the glittering silver necklace and she let out a surprisingly mournful whine.
What? She wasn't going to thrash in her chains? She wasn't going to try to maul him for getting the better of her.
She kept looking at the necklace with such strange sorrow in her eyes. Fuck. What the fuck? It looked like she actually… missed it. Was that possible? Was she somehow subconsciously attached to it, even in this form?
"Na-ah. You're gonna break it or something," Bishop scowled at her. "You'll get it back in the morning."
Aeyrin let out another whine in response. Fuck, she sounded like Karnwyr. She sounded exactly like Karnwyr back when Bishop and Aeyrin were separated and he was whining after her. This made it even worse to hear.
"Stop it," Bishop growled. "It's not fucking fair." And while she was at it, she better stop looking at him so fucking pleadingly. Who knew that a werewolf could ever pull off that expression?
It was kind of touching, really. She still wanted the necklace so much, even though she likely didn't even know why.
Fuck. Fine.
Not like she would break it just by holding it, right? At least he hoped so.
"Here," Bishop grumbled and he tossed the chain over to her. She deftly caught it in her large claw and gripped it tightly in her grasp, as if she was afraid to lose it. Cute.
"If you eat it, I'm gonna be really pissed," Bishop smirked at her, but she did no such thing. She went back to her previous behavior, though not in full force. She growled every now and then, yanked on the chains occasionally, but she never let go of the necklace in her palm.
It really was kind of sweet.
…
Morning came sooner than he had thought. Who knew that watching a werewolf try to snap her chains would pass time so quickly?
He was exhausted though. It's been so long since he had some sleep.
He was mostly just relaxing on the bedroll through the night. At one point, when it was almost dawn, he moved to secure their camp with traps. He hadn't done that before as a precaution – either he or Aeyrin could have sprung one if she got away and he had to run. And besides, they were both awake and alert to any dangers anyway. But now it was clear that there was no getting out of those chains and they would soon be able to actually rest. There was no way in Oblivion they were going anywhere before getting some proper sleep first. In fact, this place was very opportune. It might be best to stay here for the day and get through the last night of her transformation in the same way. Better than to rely on finding another safe place along the way.
Bishop's eyes were already slowly closing every now and then before he roused himself once more. Even Aeyrin barely moved by now. No matter the form, she looked exhausted as well. No wonder, with all that thrashing.
Secunda was finally disappearing beyond the mountains surrounding them. The sky was enveloped in a lightly yellow glow from the rising sun. It would soon be over.
It didn't take overly long.
Several minutes later, Aeyrin curled onto herself and the soft fur on her started to bristle. Once more, he barely saw anything with how quick it was. Her body began morphing, and a second later, the familiar elf was before him, curled into a ball, hugging her knees.
He waited with anticipation what her reaction would be. He hoped she wouldn't be sick again, or panicked, but she did look startled. She let out a sharp gasp, taking in heavy breaths before she rolled herself onto the ground.
Fuck, that didn't look good. Bishop instantly shot up onto his feet and approached her, but by the time he got to her, she was already curled on the blanket with her eyes closed.
Did she… pass out?
He quickly looked her over, checked her pulse, but she seemed completely fine. Just… sleeping.
Well… could he really blame her? The exhaustion was awful.
He carefully started to remove the chains from her neck and wrists. She was still clutching the necklace tightly in her hand. He needed to take that too and get it around her neck again. She would be so fucking pissed if she found out that he even tried to get close to her. He would just tell her after she woke up to remove it herself next time – tell her that he noticed that the chain was getting too strained. That was the safest option.
He carefully pried her fingers open, but he wasn't really worried about that waking her up. It was an easy enough task and, soon enough, he brushed her hair back and fastened it around her neck again.
There. Everything was exactly the way it was in the evening. Now there was finally time to rest.
He gathered her in his arms and moved her towards the bedroll. There was no need for her to stay on the blanket alone. The second he took off his boots and shirt and joined her in the bedroll, she snuggled up to him, as if almost out of reflex. She definitely wasn't conscious yet.
But they survived the night without any major incidents. It went much better than she had undoubtedly feared.
And Bishop couldn't help but wonder, ever since he saw her whining about the necklace.
Was she there, beneath the feral werewolf, more than she realized?
…
Bishop woke up to panicked thrashing at his side. As if he didn't have enough of that throughout the night.
With a loud groan, he wrapped his arms around Aeyrin tighter, but she instantly pulled away from his embrace.
"Bishop!" her panicked voice made him finally snap his eyes open. "What happened? What… did the chains break? Are you alright?"
"Relax," he groaned again in exhaustion. Based on the position of the sun, they could have been resting for an hour, two at the most. Not nearly enough. "Nothing happened," he mumbled, still half-asleep. "You turned back and fell asleep right away. I unchained you, took you to bed."
"Why would you do that? What if I turned again?" Aeyrin still couldn't stop panicking. It was so risky. Neither of them knew how this worked yet.
"Why would you? Sun's up. Relax, princess, please," he wrapped his arms around her once more with determination. She finally let him pull her into his embrace, but he could still feel her breathing heavily.
"What… what happened? Did I do something? Did I try to hurt you?" she asked with palpable trepidation in her voice.
"You tried," Bishop smirked. But then he realized that it probably wasn't very comforting just then. "It's fine. The chains held you back. And you were kind of cute."
"'Cute'?" Aeyrin scrunched up her nose. How could a monster like that ever be cute?
"Yeah, cute. All fluffy," he chuckled. He placed his hand on her cheek and nudged her a bit to look into his eyes. It was strange, looking into the same eyes he saw on the werewolf. Such stark contrast, yet at the same time, they still looked the same, no matter what the rest of her body looked like.
"Princess, you don't need to worry," he gave her a reassuring smile. "The chains held and we can get through this until those asshats find a cure. I promise you, you're not a 'monster'. And it's nothing that we can't handle."
Aeyrin didn't look exactly convinced, but she did nuzzle herself in his embrace and let out a bit of a relieved sigh. It was enough that they had made it through the night unscathed.
And soon, they would get more respite from this entire mess for a longer while.
Only one more night before Secunda began waning again.