Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.
Chapter 3
Thwak! Thwak! Thwak!
Massive dew drops rained down upon Naruto's hair with each strike of his kunai as it sank deeper into the thick stem of the enormous plant. The dew had only survived this long into the late morning heat by hiding in the crevices of the lower leaves, and Naruto gladly let it cool his flushed skin as the sun climbed closer to its zenith in the pure blue sky. It's moisture mingled with the sweat already running down his face, collecting in the valleys of his tired muscles and running down his bare torso. The burn in his arms was a welcome discomfort, unlike the aching exhaustion from yesterday, which had disappeared with a few hours sleep and his accelerated healing. This time it came from the sweat of productivity, not distress, and the satisfaction of his progress boosted his turbulent mood.
The events of the last twenty-four hours were a tangled emotional monstrosity which loomed over his psyche like a second bijū, eliciting equal parts terror, anger, and a fierce sense of connectedness that was almost incomprehensible. All through the wee hours of the night unsolvable questions had plagued his subconscious, tossing him from one nightmare to the next. While awakening from those anxious dreams had brought a measure of relief, it was quickly blighted by an onslaught of equally complex feelings as Naruto had become increasingly aware of his surroundings. Namely, the enigma of a girl who had slept peacefully by his side, unaware of how he struggled to keep her literally and emotionally at arms length despite the deep protectiveness that bled throughout his being.
Last night he had awakened with a jolt to find himself practically curled around Hinata, having instinctively placed himself on guard between her and the door while selfishly drawing comfort from her warmth. He'd been so close that strands of her hair tickled his nose with each huff of his strangled breaths. Despite the adrenaline that had immediately begun to sear through his body, Naruto had been completely frozen while staring at her peaceful face.
Sleep had a way of making the worried tilt of Hinata's eyebrows relax into two delicate arches that mirrored the full curves of her dark lashes. Whatever had been the object of her dreams, it was something pleasant enough to flush her cheeks a healthy pink. At times the corners of her lips had twitched delicately, as though hiding her inner secrets with the subdued smile. The sight of her nocturnal serenity had eased some of the tension in his chest, and he had deliberately tried to slow his breaths to match her deep, even sighs. His fingers had itched to peek under her soft blanket and check if the bandages around her ribs were stained red, but he hated to risk disturbing her much needed rest. Instead her easy exhalations that danced across his cheeks sufficed to give him reassurance of her well-being.
He really hoped she would be okay. He wanted it so much that it scared him. In Naruto's mind it felt like all his life he had been forced to fight tooth and nail for each bond he made. Having to prove his worth over and over again. And now, the connection Hinata had forged with him in only a matter of seconds, in the middle of a life and death battle, with zero expectations or stipulations or hesitation, had suddenly taken root so deeply in his heart that it nearly choked him.
Naruto had broken out of the Toads' warm little home gulping lungfuls of the thick jungle air. The enormity of the gift she had offered him was overwhelming, and the magnificent mess he had made of her perfectly laid out life was a travesty of a response. Bolting across the awakening tropical forest, Naruto had raced through the tepid morning in search of anything to help him clear his mind, or even better, his conscience.
As he had leaped from one towering plant leaf to the next as fast as his legs could go, applying Kakashi-sensei's tried and true method of brutally training away one's mental anguish until you couldn't move let alone worry, Naruto had stumbled across a forgotten structure. He had been retracing the uphill path of a tumbling river when the frame of an unfinished building had materialized out of the low blanket of fog in a clearing.
A buried memory had surfaced. Pa Toad showing him the unfinished cabin Ero-senin had started to build in anticipation of one day bringing Naruto to Mt. Myoboku. During the arduous days of his Sage training, Fukasaku had suggested that Naruto should finish the humble abode and sleep there instead of on the cramped floor of the tiny hut. But at the time the idea of being alone, in a place that was steeped in the shadows of his late master's spectre, had been more than Naruto could endure. So instead of obeying Fukasaku's suggestion to pause his brutal training for a short time each day and mourn his godfather by completing the man's dream, Naruto had thrown himself into frantically perfecting his Rasenshuriken as he had anxiously anticipated his return to the village.
Oh how much had changed in just a few days.
Now Konoha was not in much better shape than the damp shack, and the thought of returning there filled Naruto with anxiety of a completely different tone. He and Hinata's futures were full of uncertainty and it weighed upon his mind, a heavy responsibility he felt compelled to address. Would they ever be able to return to Konoha? Naruto refused to consider returning without her, but the idea of going anywhere else was daunting.
As it stood they were both essentially homeless. Foreigners in a land that was, thankfully, very welcoming, but not natural for them at all. Naruto and Hinata were two humans caught in the in-between. Between the past and the future. Certainty and mystery. Clan and classless. Friendship and…what?
With a frustrated grunt Naruto struck the stiff stem again and again, viciously driving the kunai into the tough trunk with the force of his aggravation as well as his senjutsu. Pushing his limits physically and mentally as he attempted to maintain his Sage Mode longer than ever before. The time limitation of his Natural Energy was partially to blame for this shitty debacle, if he had only been able to hold it longer he might not have needed her to step in. Would not have needed the Kyūbi's damning chakra.
By the time the orange pigmentation around his eyes faded from his face, Naruto was able to heave a sigh of satisfaction as the victim of his pent up emotions toppled to the ground with a splintering crash that resonated out into the valley. With each tree-like plant that he had felled, his relentless pursuit of penitence via self enforced labor was slightly sated, and his Sage Mode lengthened by a few more precious seconds.
Brushing aside the bangs plastered to his brow, Naruto rolled his shoulders before raising his hands to create another shadow clone. No instructions were needed anymore, the routine that had started shortly after dawn ensured the kage bunshin knew exactly what he was supposed to do. Obediently taking up a meditative position on top of one of the fresh stumps created by the day's activities, the clone focused his entire consciousness on falling into the balance of nature.
Nodding in satisfaction Naruto picked up his kunai, flipping it in the air as he climbed on top of the felled plant stem and walked along its length to where lush leaves the size of shop canopies sprouted from its trunk. Birds, small little leaf frogs, and the occasional butterfly watched in fascination as the unfamiliar creature strode up to the largest leaf, gripping his weapon securely in two hands. Swinging it high overhead he brought it down with a grunt, severing the leaf clean off in a single hack.
Naruto methodically worked his way down the trunk, cleaving off one leaf after another, the kunai glinting in the light with each mighty swing. The work was repetitive, thoughtless, and tiring enough to keep his anxiety in check, allowing his mind to chip away at its litany of problems, albeit with less progress than the branchlike leaf stems were removed. If only he could peel back the layers of his feelings for Hinata the way he peeled off the fragile leaves at the peak of the plant. If only he could chop off the confusing bits of their history to leave nothing but the naked facts of their present relationship the way he sliced away the uneven knots in the trunk. Leaving a straight and sturdy support that was undeniable, dependable, and enduring.
If only it was that simple.
When all the leaves had been completely stripped away, leaving just a long green log-like stem, Naruto dispelled the meditating clone and immediately felt the rush of peace and power that came with the perfect balance of nature and chakra. Pocketing the kunai he bent over and hoisted the heavy plant onto his shoulder with the ease of plucking a flower from loose soil, despite it being so thick he could barely wrap both arms around its width, and squinted one eye shut as bits of dirt skittered over his clammy skin and into his hair.
Navigating the small group of stumps, he carefully picked his way through the thick forest and over the sloping ground down to the banks of the river that flowed from the top of the hill. Wind shushed through the canopy overhead, twisting through the lush greenery and making shadows dance on the earth where he stepped. Each footstep sank into the thick carpet of dead leaves and rotting mushrooms that coated the rainforest-like terrain as Naruto paced his breaths with his strides, taking extra caution to send chakra to his feet as he leapt across a few mossy wet boulders before reaching the water's edge.
The sparkling water was a relieving sight, and he had arrived not a moment too soon. The senjutsu again faded away just as Naruto tossed down his burden on the edge of the river's pebbly banks. He was definitely getting better, this was the first time he had made the entire walk with just one clone's worth of Sage Mode.
Shaking out his arms Naruto inhaled deeply, flaring his nostrils, permeating every nook and cranny of his tired lungs with fresh oxygen, before forcing it out through tightly pursed lips.
Twisting a bit to scan the shoreline Naruto spotted the bundled up t-shirt left by another kage bunshin he had sent foraging earlier. Squatting down he untied the knot and plucked one of the fresh mushrooms from the pile, popping it into his mouth before hastily closing it back up. He hoped that the fungi would be a more delectable addition to the dinner of larva and other insects that Ma Toad would most likely be preparing. Hinata was not used to the 'unique' cuisine of Mt. Myoboku, and Naruto already felt bad enough about her current predicament without adding indigestion to her list of misfortunes.
Placing the makeshift satchel on his head and ensuring that it was well secured with chakra, Naruto grabbed a long stick, taller than himself, from where he had left it stabbed between the river rocks and gave the massive plant stem a powerful kick into the river. It bumped over the sloping shore and splashed into the viridescent water as he sprinted after it, jumping on as it tumbled into the deeper water. His arms windmilled in the air as his feet skipped forwards and backwards on the spinning log as it rolled in the water, working to stabilize his makeshift transport while keeping his balance as it bobbed in the current.
Eventually getting it to a steady glide, Naruto used his stick to work the plant downriver. His brow furrowed in concentration as he dodged rocks and other partially submerged obstacles along the way. The minutes ticked by as he choppily floated down the waterway, bouncing over the turbulent surface of numerous eddies, kicking off a boulder in the bend, and ducking under numerous low-hanging leaves and branches. Once in a while a fish would dart by, ducking for cover from the large being which had invaded their normally undisturbed corner of the Toad's Realm.
The current calmed as the river reached the flatter meadows of the lower valley, and Naruto sat down carefully on his floating log, his straddling legs trailing alongside and leaving rows of spreading ripples. Pinning the long stick under his armpit and letting it drag behind in the water, Naruto leaned cautiously to the side and scooped up a handful of the refreshing coolness and splashed it over his face and neck. The liquid turned salty as it ran into his scrunched eyes, washing away the crystalizing sweat from his forehead, and he momentarily lifted the t-shirt bundle of mushrooms to shake his head like a wet dog. With yet another deep sigh he tried to shift into a more comfortable position for the last leg of the short journey.
Naruto wished he had more to show for all his sighing and thinking. Thinking and sighing. But only a few certainties had blossomed out of the hours he had spent strenuously working on the hillside. He was certain he was an idiot. He was certain he was in huge trouble. He was certain he was rapidly falling for Hinata in a way that terrified and excited him. And he was certain that it would only be a matter of time before he fucked that up as well.
What he was not certain about, was Hinata's expectations. Did she want to go back? Was she having second thoughts about him? He hadn't exactly been the most thoughtful friend, did that mean he would be lousy at everything beyond that? What if he disappointed her even more than he already had?
A dragonfly zoomed past his head, making him nearly lose his bundle of mushrooms and Naruto snorted at his own continual distraction. Wondering was getting him nowhere, but the idea of going back to face Hinata without anything to show for his hours of absence motivated him to work even harder. The least he could offer her was a comfortable place to stay during their exile.
Coming to the final bend in the river before it tumbled a bit further downhill then sharply plummeted in a graceful waterfall into the lower valley, Naruto carefully stood on the plant stem and whistled loudly. From the other side of a large sunlit meadow that opened up from the rocky riverbank, two of the ten clones he had left working on splitting the previous logs into planks paused and trotted down to meet him. Between the three shinobi they managed to roll the fresh stem out of the water and up to the amateur construction site, letting it thump loudly into the others that he had felled and floated downriver since that morning.
One kage bunshin tossed him a bamboo canteen of collected dew and Naruto guzzled it gratefully as he surveyed the progress of Ero-sennin's hut. It was almost square in shape, framed in a way that made it almost as tall as it was wide. The planks were nearly complete, and one clone was carefully using his kunai to plane the edges of each one to fit together as snuggly as possible when secured vertically around the wall. A pile of stones for the potential iori were accumulating nearby. Off to the far side near the edge of the jungle another clone was gleefully using one Rasengan after another to dig a latrine.
That chore should definitely not be that much fun, Naruto thought with a grimace. Turning away with a sheepish shake of his head at the eccentricity of his own personality being put on full display, his gaze landed on the front door, complete and waiting to be installed. Walking over to the tall plant it leaned against he ran his hand over the woodlike panels, appreciating the fact that his kage bunshin had taken care to smooth it over as much as possible. His fingers slowly traced the four kanji boldly carved right at eye level on the front.
Uzumaki
It reminded him of the names that proudly adorned the entrance of many clan compounds. A mark of belonging, of a family. Naruto swallowed hard, his stomach twisting at the idea of bringing Hinata to this place and asking her to live here with him, under his name, under his roof, under his protection. The thought made heat flush over his skin with greater intensity than the midday sun as he imagined her possible reactions. Anxiety and hope created a variety of scenarios that ranged from fainting dead away in horror to a joyful embrace that made him feel like he could fly from here to Konoha.
"Quite the progress you have made here!" Pa Toad's voice rang out from the edge of the trail that opened up from the forest, causing Naruto to nearly jump out of his skin as his daydreams burst in surprise. The Toad Sage was slowly picking his way across the meadow with his cane, stooping like an old man in a way which belied his potential power. But knowing that at this time yesterday Fukasaku had been drawing his last breaths, Naruto's heart clenched in concern for the old amphibian.
"How did you escape the hut? Ma Toad would have a fit if she found out you've walked all the way up here so soon after an injury like that," Naruto scolded the sage, who merely rolled his buggy eyes in dismissal.
"How many times do I have to repeat myself?" Fukasaku grumbled as he waved a webbed hand through the air. "I'm fine! Good as new, thanks to you Naruto-chan."
Naruto looked away, letting his arm fall limply from the door to his side as he shuffled his feet and shrugged, still not comfortable with what felt like undeserved praise. Fukasaku frowned at the lack of jovial boasting which would normally have been bursting from the boy who celebrated any small advancement in his training with an optimism that glowed as brightly as his hair. He studied Naruto's stormy eyes as the teenager meandered over and sat heavily on a felled log with the air of a man burdened by years of worry.
The truth was Fukasaku was the one who was worried. The arrival of the two emotional wrecks at his hut last night was a yet to be explained surprise. The girl was one of the quietest humans he had ever met, and not exactly spilling many details. Granted she was quite injured and had spent most of the day dozing, but even Ma's friendly cajoling had barely elicited more than a few blushes and mumbled thanks for their hospitality. He considered himself a patient Toad, but when Naruto-chan had failed to come back after missing breakfast and lunch something had told him that it wasn't just because the shinobi was avoiding Shima's food.
Tottering to his side, Fukasaku hopped up onto a nearby leaf as his newest protege leaned back against the plant's thick stem, and fixed him with a tolerably stern look. In a tone of voice that would brook no argument he evenly demanded that Naruto meet his eyes.
"Okay boy, it is obvious that something is wrong, so spill it. And don't skimp on any details."
The clones continued to make efficient work on the hut as the student and master sat together in the shade on the opposite side of the clearing, facing the progressively complete little home as Naruto described all the specifics of his battle with Pein and what had happened after returning to Konoha. The sun trekked across the sky, casting the building and landscape into sharper relief as bit by bit the story unraveled. The clouds were starting to glow orange and pink along the horizon by the time Naruto sighed deeply and completed his convoluted tale.
"I see," Fukasaku murmured solemnly, folding his hands into his brown cloak. The wind blew through his tuft of white hair as his mouth worked in thought. He glanced sideways at Naruto, the teenager's shoulders hunched in a manner completely foreign to his personality, and the Toad's sympathy stirred.
The boy had been thrown into the harsher ranks of the world so early, nearly skipping the innocence of childhood all together in his struggle to survive. His adolescence was supposed to be a time of self discovery and connection, but instead he was burdened with the fate of an entire people. Despite all those obstacles, the things Naruto had accomplished, with his sanity mostly intact, was impressive as hell as far as Fukasaku was concerned. And now, out of nowhere, a precious and unexpected gift had appeared, completely turning his world upside down as she strode out into the center of Pein's destruction. Her words promising a potential joy unlike the poor guy had ever known. And yet instead of greedily devouring her offered affections, he denied his starving heart because all he could see were his own shortcomings and failures.
It would not do.
"You did well, Naruto," the wizened amphibian smiled gently as his companion's head snapped up in surprise.
"Are you as senile as the Great Gramps Sage?!" Naruto barked in frustration. "All I did was—"
"Exactly what needed to be done," Fukasaku stated firmly, fixing Naruto with a sharp eye. "It is impossible to extract perfect solutions from imperfect situations. The Village is gone, but the Will of Fire still survives. You lost control of the Kyūbi, but met your father because of it. The Akatsuki still exists, but Nagato found the peace he had been searching for in the end. Hinata may have defected from her Clan, but instead she chose you."
"A terrible choice really," Naruto grumbled, planting his elbows on his knees and rubbing his hands roughly over his face until his eyelids nearly turned inside out. "I'm just one person. I can't replace a whole family. I don't know how to fulfill that kind of…of…importance. I don't know how to reciprocate what she deserves. I don't know how to…" his voice trailed off in a whisper as his hand raked viciously through his hair until his head thumped back against the plant stem in exasperation.
"I don't know how to love someone," he whispered.
Fukasaku barely held back his snort. The kid must be some kind of stupid. From the first day that the Old Toad had laid eyes upon the orange ball of energy in the Godaime's office and witnessed the plethora of emotions that had rocked his world when he learned of Jiraiya's death, he had known that this human understood things differently. He felt things differently. The depth of his passion, the fervor of his determination, the heights of his ambitions were all a reflection of the powerful love he held in his soul. Love for his home. Love for his comrades. Love for life.
Perhaps this was one of those moments Ma was always telling him about, when Pa would forget how short and ignorant some of these human's existences were, and how something so obvious to himself could be completely lost on them.
He glanced over to where the hollow frame of Jiraiya's dream was now fully fledged out into a cozy home thanks to the efforts of Naruto's kage bunshin and chuckled. I guess I'll just have to start very, VERY simple.
"Naruto-chan, why did you choose to build this now, and not before when I had suggested it?"
Naruto lifted his head to peer at the fruits of his labors, lifting one shoulder in a morose shrug. "Cuz, I wanted to do it for Hinata. She deserves it."
"Why?"
Naruto's whiskered face scrunched with confusion, thinking that it should be obvious. "Well, I don't want her to sleep on the floor."
"Why?" Pa persisted.
"I…want her to be comfortable?" Naruto scratched his head, sensing that there was more to this basic question but unable to follow.
"Why?"
Naruto squinted, pausing to pick at the calluses on his hands before he answered. "Because, when she hurts, I hurt too."
Fukasaku nodded encouragingly. Now we are getting somewhere. "And when she's happy you feel happy, eh?"
Naruto snorted at the understatement. "When she's happy I feel…amazing." His hand pressed onto his chest, just the idea of her smile making the weight on his shoulders lift slightly.
"Amazing enough to build her a house? A house that you couldn't bear to look at a week ago? You'd be willing to set aside your own discomfort just so she can sleep in a bed of her own?"
Naruto's gaze sharpened and his voice got louder. "Well yeah! It's the least I could do! I mean, she was willing to die for me, I can never repay her for something like that. This house is nothing in comparison."
"Hmmm," Fukasaku closed his eyes, tapping his chin thoughtfully as he pretended to weigh the worth of Naruto's declaration. "So this project is just about repaying your debt?"
Naruto stiffened in offense. "What?! No! I do wish I could repay her, but it's more than just that! I want to do this for her because I need her to be happy. I need to know that I can make her happy. It's like, she makes me think 'what if?' y'know?"
Pa did know. He knew exactly what Naruto was trying, and failing very badly, to say. But he just sat still on his leaf and did his best to maintain a slightly bewildered expression as the boy exasperatedly waved his arms in the air and struggled profusely to find the perfect words to describe the very emotion he claimed to not possess.
"Like, what if I lost her? Or, what if she wanted to stay? What if she realizes what an idiot I am? But then what if she doesn't care? What if I can't protect her? What if only I can? What if she stops loving me? What if she never stops? What if I let her down? And what if I spent the rest of my life trying not to? Cuz I would y'know! I will. I'll spend every waking moment from now until I die doing anything I can to justify her love!"
Naruto's eyes widened with each statement, dread and hope warring in his mind as his imagination ran wild. He was breathing harshly with the fervor of his announcement, the fire that was gone burning brightly in his eyes once more. His fist clasped over his heart as he straightened proudly after his final declaration. Fukasaku smirked, knowing he only had to ask one more question.
"Why, Naruto-chan?"
"Because, because…" Naruto blustered. His mind grasped desperately at the fleeting feelings which swirled together, then suddenly latched onto them with startling certainty. His rapid breaths slowed. His whole body went still as stone. His feet felt like they were standing on clouds. His heart soared with the newfound clarity.
"Because…I love her," he whispered. Wonder filled his mind and it felt like his stomach had fallen out of his body to free fall down the hill. I love Hinata. Not in a 'date at Ichiraku's' kind of way, although that does sound awesome. In a 'stay forever by my side' kind of way. A 'welcome home' kind of way. A 'lets make a family together' kind of way…
The last thought had his face erupting into a fierce blush that made Fukasaku burst out into laughter loud enough to catch all the clones' attention, and Naruto spluttered out orders for them to get back to work and stop suspiciously staring at him.
"Naruto-chan, you may not be a genius at jutsu, or academics, or politics, or whatever else it is you humans are always judging worth by. But you are absolutely a genius at love," Fukasaku wiped away a tear from his eye as his laughter continued to bubble out and he fixed the flustered teenager with a genuine smile.
"Don't give me that look like I'm just some mushy character in one of Jiraiya's dirty novels. I am old and wise dammit. And I can say with absolute certainty that love, in all of its many, many forms, is the foundation of all your greatest strengths." Snatching a meandering dragonfly out of the air with his tongue, the Toad Sage's eyes twinkled with mischief while he chewed and watched Naruto's face contort with each dawning realization of his heart.
"It sure took you a hell of a lot longer than most to figure out real romantic love. Maybe you should have read those Icha Icha books a little more carefully," Fukasaku snickered around his mouthful. Naruto nearly choked in outraged embarrassment, but then two clones ran over and demanded the log he was sitting on, and he could only mumble petulantly as he helped them carry the last part over to be cut into boards.
The remainder of the afternoon passed with Naruto darting around the clearing, supervising his small workforce of clones while Pa watched lazily from his leaf. By the time Fukasaku remembered that they were probably late enough to dinner that Ma would definitely be yelling at them, the cabin was almost complete and nearly habitable. As the pair of sages packed up to descend the hill for the day, Naruto gave the clones instructions to stay and work on some finishing touches. He wanted an iori lined with stones from the river, a large stump fashioned into a low table, and some sort of bed frame so Hinata wouldn't have to sleep on the dirt floor.
Tired satisfaction thrummed in Naruto's chest as he carried Pa Toad down the winding trail that zig-zagged into the valley where their dinner awaited. His emotions and muscles ached with overuse, leaving his brain feeling fuzzy in a floaty way that made him nervous but excited. The t-shirt full of mushrooms tied to his belt thudded against the side of his leg with every step, and he smiled imagining the appreciation in Hinata's eyes at the non-winged or wormy food. If she was feeling well enough, maybe he would carry her up the hill and show her the house. Or maybe it would be better to wait until daylight?
Remembering the less than easy trek they had made through the darkness last night, Naruto thought maybe it would be better to let her rest in safety without him running the risk of stranding them somewhere in the forest along the still somewhat unfamiliar trail. Plus, that would give him at least one more night to come to terms with his newest realization.
Part of him wanted to run and blurt it out at the top of his lungs as soon as he laid eyes on her. And part of him shrank at the idea of laying himself so bare to her, which made no sense whatsoever since she had already done that exact thing. He just felt like he needed to make it more…perfect. More safe. If he was going to say those words to her, he wanted to be able to back them up. To offer her all of himself and more. More than nothing. More than the life of a fugitive. More than just an almost-hero.
He just needed one more day. Perhaps he would sneak back into Konoha, get some supplies, and see what was happening. Try to discover if there was any hope of fixing his mistake with the Hyuga. One more day to try and make things perfect.
Arriving at the short hut of Ma and Pa's home, he let the Old Toad hop off his back. Swinging the door to the warm hut open, Naruto ducked through as light poured out into the quickly darkening dusk, calling out a loud "Tadaima" like he always did after retiring from a long day of training over the last few weeks. But this time it wasn't Shima's shrill croak that greeted him.
"Okaeri," Hinata answered softly, lifting her head from where she had been carefully stirring a large pot of stew over a low fire. Naruto's heart skipped as the perfection of her response settled in his gut, and he grinned broadly, beaming with the hope that this could possibly be his future.
He couldn't wait.