Chapter CXXV – Cold

So cold.

Why was she so cold? Usually, it wasn't an issue with Bishop's warm body next to hers.

Aeyrin didn't even remember what happened last night. She was predictably in bed, naked, with Bishop resting by her side – in Rorikstead. That made sense. Where else would she be? This all made the most sense. That would be the normal thing to wake up to.

The comfortable thing to wake up to.

But everything just felt… off.

For the most part, there was the palpable hangover. Aeyrin was pretty sure that it was the unpleasantness of it that woke her up in the first place. The headache was excruciating. She wanted nothing more than a healing potion to numb the pain just then – her head was threatening to split. Then again, to do that, she would have to actually open her eyes and get up. That was out of the question.

The dryness in her throat was her next big problem. And it had the same unachievable solution as the previous one – getting up. Nope. Not a chance. She felt like she had just drunk a glass of sand. But that wasn't nearly as bad as the notion of opening her eyes.

That was because of the sun. The horribly obnoxious sun that was rudely shining straight onto her face. It was… a little unexpected, since she was pretty sure that the windows of their room faced west, but… then again, she didn't really know what time it was.

And that was another problem. She didn't allow herself to dwell on it overmuch, but there was the stray thought in her head now and then, asking the prodding questions. What happened last night? Where did they go? What did they do? Why did her back hurt and why did she feel like they had been outside? How long were they in their drunken stupor and what time was it now?

So many questions. If only there were answers waiting for her in her sleep, instead of in the moment when she would finally open her eyes. But she wasn't going to. Not yet.

She needed more rest. She clearly didn't have enough since she was so damn cold.

Why? She felt a soft blanket on her. She felt the sun on her face. Why was she freezing? And most of all, how could she be freezing when she was nestled to Bishop like that, curled to his flank with her arm under his back and the other on his chest?

And what was even more baffling, was the very odd lack of heat radiating from Bishop's body. Where was that familiar hot skin, burning like a furnace whenever she was cold? This was all kinds of disappointing.

It wasn't just a lack of heat. He actually felt cold.

She didn't remember him even feeling cold. Maybe when he got a taste of her frost breath Shout or when there was an actual blizzard leaving small bits of ice all over him. It was unexpected. What was up with this room that made everything freezing?

Everything just felt odd. It was a weird hangover. She even felt like he seemed somehow… smaller than usual. Like his muscles were leaner, his arms somewhat skinny. Even the hair on his chest felt sparser.

That was just… so strange. She was just imagining things.

Maybe she was still a little drunk.

Ugh, how much did they have to drink? She remembered the first bottle of rum and then not much else. She knew they both wanted to drink more, but she didn't remember whether they actually did.

Well, that was stupid. Of course they did. Otherwise she wouldn't be feeling like this. That rum wasn't that strong. Although last night it felt so much more potent than before.

Aeyrin let out an annoyed groan when the discomfort of it all reminded itself once more. She really needed to get up. Then she could get some water, get another blanket or a bedroll or something. And she could warm them both up enough to go to sleep again.

Her hand absentmindedly stroked over Bishop's chest until it brushed over his own palm, laid down on his stomach.

Odd. Where were his rings? He never took them off, for both practical and sentimental reasons, depending on the ring. There should have been two on each hand now with the soul gem ring they each got as a gift from the Commander, his dragon head ring, the waterbreathing one and the muffling one.

Alright. This wasn't just her imagination anymore. She got a very bad feeling about this all of the sudden. Her gut twisted unpleasantly and she suddenly felt an overwhelming urge to pull away from him.

Her eyes snapped open and she jolted back from the form next to her. It took a while for her to adjust to the light, but even before she could, she knew what she would see. Maybe she knew the entire time, just wasn't willing to admit it to herself.

It was someone else than she hoped.

Oh Gods. What has she done? There was a stranger in the bed. A naked stranger. And she was also naked. She had never seen him before in her life. An Imperial, with dark hair and a clean shaven face. None of his features rang a bell. But that didn't really matter. Even if she did know him, it didn't make things even slightly better.

Did she really sleep with that man? She couldn't really tell reliably, she didn't feel like she did, but the evidence was damning. She didn't remember anything from last night, just vague recollections of being outside. But it was with Bishop. She was always with Bishop, right? She couldn't have… she would never.

This… this would break his heart. It didn't matter that she was drunk out of her mind, it didn't matter that she didn't remember any of it. It would hurt no less.

Divines, please, let this be some drunken dream.

She felt sick to her stomach. And it wasn't just from the hangover. This was one of the worst things she could have done. She didn't want to sleep with strangers, she never wanted anyone but Bishop before, not like this. And how could she do this to him? What could she even ever say to make this right?

Should she… should she even tell him? She didn't want to lie. The last thing she wanted was to expose their relationship to more nasty lies. It broke them before. And was this even a lie she could live with?

But… this would just hurt him so much. It would hurt her the same way if the roles were reversed. She didn't even remember anything from the night. Not even a second, not even vaguely. And for that, she should jeopardize one of the best things that had ever happened to her?

She didn't know what to do. And… where was Bishop? Where was she? This wasn't their room in Rorikstead. It was bigger, it looked like a whole second floor of some house. She tried to look around, but there was nothing familiar. She didn't even see her pack or her clothes anywhere. She had nothing. Only Bishop's ring around her neck and the soul-gem ring, which she had promptly checked – still shining. That was a relief, at least. But none of her other things were anywhere around. Even her amulet of Stendarr was gone. What in the Void happened last night?

This was so wrong. It all felt so wrong. How could she have done this?

No matter how drunk she was, how could she have not felt how wrong this was? None of this was as it should be, with the unnervingly cold man by her side.

He… he really was cold, back when she was touching him. As much as she hated to remember that she ever did touch him. Not even regular cold. It was… strange.

He didn't even wake up to her panicking, fumbling and trying to get away from him.

He didn't even move.

Did he… even breathe?

Oh Gods. This just got so much worse.

Her hand trembled as she reached out for the man's neck, but she could already see that his chest wasn't moving at all. When she checked the pulse though, it was blatantly clear.

He was dead.

What… happened?

How did he die? Did she… kill him?

Oh Gods. Seriously, what was wrong with her? What did she do last night? And what other explanation could there be? There was no one else in the room. That man clearly died here. Unless she… dragged a stripped corpse in here. Or dragged a corpse and stripped it then.

Don't think about that!

Whatever happened, there was no clearly visible way of how this man had died. No stab wounds, no blood, no signs of choking or suffocation. He was just… there. Lying on the bed motionless. What happened? Did his heart stop? Was it a spell? She couldn't kill someone with a spell! Her spells were only meant to heal. Unless he was undead. Like a vampire. Maybe she had to kill him.

But then again, there would be signs of magical burns on him. There was nothing.

She didn't know how he died. She didn't know anything. Nothing at all. She didn't know where they were. She didn't even know who he was. Could she find out in any way? There must have been something that could give her a clue. Anything.

It was… important to know who he was, right? It would give her answers. She just needed to find something. Personal possessions, notes, journal?

She bundled up the blanket to her chest – it was only a thin, white cloth, more like a sheet. Definitely not anything that was fit for someone other than a Nord. It wasn't the kind of blanket they often had in inns. Was this not an inn? Of course it wasn't! She didn't recognize the place. And she was pretty sure she had seen the majority of those in Skyrim – she would know. This must have been the man's home. But… then again, an Imperial would have a damn blanket! A proper one.

She grabbed that sheet and wrapped it around her torso, making a somewhat functional strapless dress. What else was she supposed to do? She wasn't really comfortable being naked in that strange room with the strange corpse on the bed. She knew, rationally, that there was no one to see her, but it still felt wrong. All of this felt wrong.

Stop overthinking. Just look for clues. Who is this man? It's important.

She started to pace around the room, looking for her things or his. But the longer she searched, the more she was convinced that this wasn't the man's house. Or at least not his room. There were some dresses in the closet – clearly made for a Nord woman. Because… they just looked like that. One could always tell the Nordic fashions apart. It wasn't the kind of stuff that nobles in Solitude would wear – those tried to imitate the latest Imperial trends more. These were very… traditional. With lots of brown and muddy tones and embroidery and furs. But more importantly, all those dresses looked like they were for a woman. And so did the undergarments Aeyrin found in one of the drawers.

There were other things – mostly things for knitting or sewing and there were also some dyes and a ledger that Aeyrin couldn't make much sense of. It was filled with some purchases and expenses – it looked like a business ledger. This could have been a shop.

Instead of looking for more clues about that man, she got distracted by trying to determine her location. She was drawn to the window instantly. The first thing she noticed by looking outside was the snow. So much snow. She also determined that she was on the second floor of whatever building she was in. But none of that was as staggering as the realization that hit her when she saw the surroundings – the wooden buildings, covered in snow, the old ruins of some larger structures behind those houses, the sea on the horizon and most importantly, the giant fortress perched atop a very unstable looking cliff, with magical lights emanating from its battlements.

Winterhold.

How in the Gods' names had she ever gotten all the way to Winterhold in one night?

It… it was just one night that she didn't remember, right?

Gods. What happened? This was getting more and more disturbing. And she still had no idea who that man was. But now, knowing how much she didn't remember, how impossible things happened – she was getting more and more certain that she was the one who killed him.

But why? She wouldn't really kill someone without a good reason. Would… would she?

Stop, stop, stop, stop. Shut up. Focus.

She needed to do something. What was she doing before?

Right! Finding out who this man was. There was nothing in the room to clue her in, so maybe she should go look downstairs? That would definitely preoccupy her enough so that she wouldn't just continue panicking.

She made her way towards the door promptly. Behind it, there was nothing but a tiny hallway with stairs leading down. She wondered what she would find.

"Who's there?"

What?!

There was someone down there?!

The voice came so suddenly.

It was a woman. One Aeyrin definitely didn't recognize. It must have been the owner of this house or shop or whatever it was. Maybe it was the man's wife!

And she clearly didn't know that anyone was upstairs.

Oh Gods. What now? The woman would come there, she would find Aeyrin with a naked dead man. It didn't matter if the woman knew him right now – it was bad either way.

What should she do? What should she say? She would get blamed for the man's death and likely for entering this house uninvited, whether she did those things herself or not.

She needed to think.

She needed to figure out what to say. How to explain herself.

What if… what if she said that the man dragged her here? Tried to force himself on her and that she defended herself. That would… nobody would blame her, right?

By the Gods! What in Oblivion is wrong with you?

What was she thinking? She couldn't just make things up about this man like that. She had no idea who he was. He could have been a good man, with family and friends and she would vilify him to save her own skin? Especially since… maybe she was the one who killed him. Maybe for no good reason. Besides, even if she could bring herself to go through with this vile excuse, there were no signs of struggle, no evidence of him even touching her. Maybe he didn't touch me. Please, let that be true. There were no bruises or welts on her body, and neither were there any on his. This just…. looked like a regular night with a stranger. Not that she had any points of reference to those, but she assumed.

If only he was moving.

She heard footsteps on the stairs.

Divines. She needed to think, to do something. She couldn't go to prison! She didn't have any ways to explain this and Bishop had told her about 'the Chill'. She wouldn't survive in the Winterhold's sick idea of a prison.

She had to find some excuse, she had to… she had to…

Run.

It was mostly instinct. As the footsteps got closer, she ran towards the window and opened it wide. It was… high. And she couldn't use her Shouts. And even if she could, it would just draw attention to her there, wrapped only in a thin bed-sheet and trying to escape from a stranger's house. A house that had a corpse inside.

She couldn't even think about any of that right now though. It was all too much.

There was only snow below. Hopefully it wouldn't hurt as much as she thought it would.

She had no choice. She climbed out, trying to hold on to the sill as she got herself as close to the ground as possible. Then she let go, the ends of the sheet flailing behind her as she fell. It wasn't really that high, but the impact still hurt. She whooshed through the snowbank and collided with the ground. A dull pain spread from her legs all the way up along her spine. But… it didn't feel like anything broke.

That wasn't the only fortunate thing. The window led to the side of the house – into a small alley – so no one likely saw that stunt.

That still didn't solve all her problems though.

She was standing there in the freezing snow, shin-deep and shivering, with only a sheet covering her body and only two rings in her possessions. At least the soul gem was still shining. Bishop would surely alert her if he was in danger. But where was he? Was he back at the inn? This inn? Or in Rorikstead? She had absolutely no idea how she even got here.

And she had no idea what to do now. A shriek echoed from the opened window – the woman clearly made her way upstairs and found the corpse. Aeyrin only hid herself behind the adjacent house in panic. What now? This may not have helped at all. The woman would call the guards, they would note the window and they would inevitably find Aeyrin outside, dressed in the woman's blanket. It was too conspicuous. She needed to find some clothes. Why couldn't she grab some from that woman's closet?!

Then again, that would be pretty telling too. Right now, hopefully, there were no signs of her in that house. She just had to remain inconspicuous.

But that was very hard to do. She couldn't even cross the street like this.

She could hear the commotion near the house, but she didn't dare come out of her hiding even a little. She really didn't know what to do now. And she still wasn't sure if she had actually killed that man.

Her hiding place wasn't very safe either though. She slowly started to move through the snow, along the back of the adjacent house, until she reached its edge. She wasn't really sure where she was trying to go, just… the further away from that house, the better.

But then, something caught the corner of her eye.

A familiar face, walking past the small alley between the houses.

She really didn't want to bring anyone's attention to herself, but she had no choice. And this could be her only opportunity. This was someone who could actually help.

Alright. Here goes nothing.

"Psst! Enthir," she hissed quite loudly. How else was she going to get the elf's attention?

She saw only his back disappearing in between the houses, but he stopped when he heard her voice. Good.

"Behind the house. Please, come here," she whispered again. She certainly couldn't come to him.

She only heard an exasperated sigh in return. What was his problem? Wasn't he intrigued by the sudden voice calling out to him from hiding? She did hear footsteps through the crackling snow though, and soon, the elf was in front of her within seconds. With a deadpan expression on his face.

"I don't even want to know," he gestured to her state of almost nakedness. "Did you get it back?"

What? What in the Void? Why was he not more surprised to see her here and like this? And what did he want back? This was just getting more and more confusing.

"I… I don't know what you're talking about, Enthir. I need your help," she pleaded with him instead. She really needed some clothes.

"Shocker," Enthir scoffed. "What is it this time?"

What? He talked like… ugh, never mind. Clothes, clothes, clothes. She needed clothes.

"Well… what do you think?" she gestured to herself. As if it wasn't obvious. "I need something to wear, please."

"Uh-huh. And how are you going to pay me for everything?" he scowled at her. What was with this attitude! Weren't they allies? Well… Karliah was dead now, though Aeyrin really didn't want to start thinking about that. She still thought Enthir would help. And that he would be more surprised and concerned by her predicament. "You don't really look like you have much money on you, unless you're hiding it in some places I wouldn't want money from anyway," he scoffed.

"I… uh… well…" Aeyrin stammered. Couldn't he just help her? But… fine. She was desperate. And freezing. "Fine. I… I can pay another way."

"Hah! Yeah, I'm not interested," Enthir gestured to her form with another scoff. "You're not my type at all."

What?! That was not what she meant by a long shot!

And did he have to say it like that? It was mean.

"No!" Aeyrin yelped, but she covered her mouth promptly when she realized how loud she got. "I wasn't offering… that. I just… if you need something. Help with something. Please, Enthir. I really need some clothes quick."

"You don't remember last night at all, do you?" the elf gave her a dubious look.

Last night? No. She didn't remember it at all. But it sounded like Enthir was a part of it. He knew more. Finally, some answers!

"I don't… I… I must have had more than I thought. What happened?" she asked with a desperate whisper.

"Uh-uh. I'm not telling you a thing before you pay me back. I want the goat," Enthir frowned at her.

Did he just say…?

"The… 'goat'?" Aeyrin gaped at him. She owed him a… goat? Why? This was just getting more and more confusing.

"Not. A. Word. Out of me, girly. Get me the goat, or you get nothing. You know where to find me," he scoffed.

What? This was just… how was she supposed to get a goat? Where? And why did he want one in the first place? Why wouldn't he explain things?!

Enthir turned on his heel and walked away from her without another word – as promised. For some reason, he was adamant about that. Maybe he was punishing her for something. He did sound angry. But she still had no idea what to do, except for the ridiculous notion of getting a goat.

Maybe he would at least give her one piece of information. One that could help her more than anything.

"Wait! Please! Where's Bishop?"

Enthir turned his head thoughtfully before he would disappear out of sight. He looked surprised about that question, but he only shrugged after a moment.

"Don't know. Haven't seen that fucker since the shit at the College went down. Get. Me. The. Goat."

Fine, I get it, sheesh!

The information about Bishop was concerning. Given the fact that she had no idea how she got here, how much time had passed or where they separated, it was really worrisome. Her only consolation was the shining soul gem ring. It wasn't foolproof, but it was a sliver of hope she desperately needed. This better not be another Brotherhood plot.

That gave her an idea though.

Maybe she could find a Penitus agent in Winterhold. Weren't they supposed to watch her?

Well… they were supposed to look out for her. She could ask them if they knew something.

But then again, they were still Imperial agents. Concerned about the law and such. Could she really approach one with questions about last night the moment when there's a murder in the town?

Come to think of it, what was happening with that? The woman must have called the guards by now.

Aeyrin took a steadying breath, trying to calm her nerves and the jitters from the freezing cold. She couldn't be standing in the snow barefoot for long. If it wasn't for that 'Chill' place, which was undoubtedly even worse than the deep snow, she might even consider turning herself in just for the warmth of a cell. But that was clearly not an option. She had to think of something. But first, she needed to see just how much trouble she was facing.

She tried to sneak through the snow as best as she could, back along the house and towards the alley between it and the building she had escaped from. She could already hear voices there.

"… don't know what to tell you, milady," a gruff voice rumbled.

"I'm telling you, it was there! I don't know what happened!" a familiar female voice huffed desperately. It was the woman who owned the house.

"Lady, there's no corpse in your house. Sorry about the missing blankets, but, please, stop wasting our time with petty crimes," another voice growled.

What?

'No corpse'? How was that even possible? What happened to it?

It was there! He was there. And Aeyrin was sure he was dead. He couldn't just… walk away, could he? Unless he really was undead.

Alright, something very strange was going on.

But this was still good news, to some measure, as disturbing as it was. She wasn't currently being hunted by the guards. Unless they decided to solve the case of the missing blankets.

Alright. She had a plan… a bit. It was not really a good plan. Not very thought-out at all. Probably not smart either. Gods, she missed Bishop. He would probably tell her just how stupid she was being right now and he would think of something better. He would just steal clothes somewhere for her and they could both leave Winterhold. But he wasn't here. She had no idea where he was. And now she had no other ideas and no other choices.

She had to covertly get a vantage point of the town, find a Penitus agent and ask them what happened to her last night. It was still possible that they wouldn't know anything, so she also had a backup plan.

To find and steal a goat.

Yes. She was apparently very good at thinking on her feet…

Gods, this is going to be an even bigger disaster than it already is.

Alright. She should stop thinking about the inevitable disaster that would come of this. It was time to act. She could sneak behind the houses until she got to the College bridge. She really didn't want anyone guarding the gate to see her, but she could hopefully get a good look at the town if she hid behind the railing a bit, out of sight of the gate.

Divines, she was freezing. She was pretty sure this was begging to be dangerous for her health. She needed to hurry. She just wanted to go to the inn to thaw out, but that wasn't an option right now.

She really wished she cared less about being seen in that sheet. Why did she care about stupid things like that? She could just march into town if she only got over herself. Nobody likely cared that she was dressed only in a blanket.

Well, that wasn't really true. Everyone would stare and whisper and ponder. She knew that. It was already making her anxious. That was really the kind of attention she didn't need right then.

She continued to sneak past the houses, much faster than would be wise for sneaking, but moving was making the horrible cold at least a little better. She really hoped that she wouldn't catch that awful illness from the cold again. But back when she had, she was passed out in the snow for hours. It wouldn't happen in the span of ten minutes, would it?

She managed to get to the College bridge rather quickly. Once there, she sprinted across the snow, as much as she could, until she crouched down below the bridge railing. Nobody could see her there and she could peek out and see the main Winterhold street.

She craned her neck, watching the surroundings, scanning the area. It took a while, as she continued to shiver with cold, but then, finally, she spotted a woman in Imperial armor walking out of the longhouse.

Good. There was only one type of person who would wear that armor in Winterhold. It must have been one of the agents.

Gods, the woman was so far away. No matter. Aeyrin was closer to her goal than before.

She rushed out of her hiding place, behind the buildings again, through the snow until she managed to get behind the longhouse. She peeked out once she was there – good, the woman was still near. She needed to get her attention.

"Psst! You, agent… lady…" Aeyrin hissed. She wasn't sure what to call that woman.

The Penitus agent looked around in confusion and Aeyrin made a soft noise again, directing her where she needed. The woman spotted her promptly and her face got decorated by an annoyed expression.

What was that about?

Nevertheless, the agent waded through the snow behind the building to reach Aeyrin. When she neared her, she let out a scoff as she took in her current outfit.

"You again? Fun night?" the woman snorted.

'Again'?

"You… you saw me last night?" Aeyrin whispered uncertainly, trying not to draw attention of anyone else who might be nearby.

"Yeah. You don't remember? Figures," the woman scoffed.

"What happened?" Aeyrin prodded.

"You were gallivanting around town with some shady-looking guy. I didn't recognize him, wasn't a local," the agent scowled. "They told us to watch you. For the Brotherhood attacks, so I came to ask you if you were alright. You told me to 'butt out'. So I did."

"A… guy?" Aeyrin gave her an eager look. Could this be the dead man? "An Imperial? Dark-haired?"

"Yeah. That's the one. See? You remember something," the woman chuckled meanly.

"Wasn't I drunk?" Aeyrin asked uncertainly. Why wouldn't the woman try to help her out and usher her to the inn or something?

"Like you wouldn't believe," the agent scoffed again.

"Why did you let me go with that man?" She couldn't hide the accusing tone from her voice. Aeyrin was clearly making some bad decisions last night.

"Why? I'm not your nursemaid," the woman scowled. "You wanna be stupid when you likely have assassins after you, be my guest."

Well… that was… fair. The Penitus agents were certainly not there to prevent Bishop and Aeyrin from doing stupid stuff. They weren't supposed to interfere with their lives. This was all on her.

"Uhm… yeah… sorry," Aeyrin mumbled. She did really have a point. But maybe this woman could still help her out. "Do you know where I went with the man?"

"No. I 'butted out'," the agent frowned even deeper. That was also fair.

"Right. I'm… I'm sorry if I was rude," Aeyrin sighed. The woman definitely sounded quite bitter. So did Enthir, for that matter. She may not have been the nicest drunk last night. "Well… uhm… would you maybe be willing to… find me some clothes or something. I kinda need…"

"Look, girl, I don't think you really get why we're here," the woman interrupted her promptly. "We're watching for assassins. We were told you and your friend might be in danger and because you helped us, we should help save your necks. But we're not your damn servants or babysitters. You wanna get shitfaced and do dumb shit, you deal with your mess after. I have a job to do here. An important one. You should know."

"A-alright… sorry," Aeyrin nodded in defeat. The agent was right, of course. This was her own mess. She needed to get out of it on her own.

The woman stomped away angrily, leaving Aeyrin shivering alone in the cold again.

This was a bust. Now there was only one thing she could do. Only one person that could tell her what happened.

She needed to find Enthir that stupid goat.

…

At this point, it was almost a miracle.

Aeyrin's whole body trembled uncontrollably from the horrible cold, but at least, when she finally found a small pen with a goat and a cow at the other end of town, she also found a shed in it. She quickly went in to warm herself up a bit and there, she discovered an old pair of boots. It was like a saving grace. They were way too big for her, but they were warm, lined with fur on the inside.

She spent some time in the shed thawing out, but her next move was clear. She needed to steal that damn goat and somehow drag it to Enthir in the inn.

It was fortunate that no one was around the pen. She had no idea what would happen once the owner found out their goat was gone, or what Enthir intended to do with it, but she couldn't care less anymore. She was fed up. Fed up with the cold, fed up with being so confused all the time and fed up with her constant lack of options.

Enthir better be placated by this stunt. Enough to give her some clothes and some answers.

The idea of dragging this goat onto the main street was kind of horrifying, but if Aeyrin didn't do something to get Enthir to forgive her for whatever she had done, she was going to freeze here to death. She knew all too well that anyone at the inn would just throw her out if she came there barely dressed, begging for food and warmth. And she certainly didn't want to resort to going to the College like this – showing them how the mighty Dragonborn that helped save them from a terrible fate, couldn't even find her clothes or her dignity for that matter.

No, the less people involved, the better. It would be humiliating to be seen like this in town and it would be humiliating to go like this into the inn to see Enthir, but that was a small price to pay to her by now. At least she barely knew anyone in Winterhold, aside from the mages.

No matter. She was already determined. That goat was coming with her.

She took a deep breath and stepped out of the comforts of the shed into the freezing cold once more. At least her feet were warm though – that was a huge improvement. There was still no one around, so hopefully there would be no witnesses to her… well it was a crime, really.

The cow was on the other side of the pen, so she hoped it wouldn't interfere with the weird kidnapping. But Aeyrin still needed to get the goat to come with her somehow.

How does one get a goat to follow them? Aeyrin was never really good with farm animals or horses. She had no idea how to treat them. Her childhood in the city made her learn quickly when to pet and when to run from a dog or even a feral cat. And not just Khajiit. But not goats.

How hard could it be though? It was an animal, captive in a pen. Surely it wanted to get out.

She had hopped the fence earlier, but now she walked over to the pen's small door and opened it wide. Luckily it wasn't locked by an actual lock – just a bolt. She could only hope that the cow wouldn't manage to escape first.

But it didn't.

In fact, neither of the animals even moved an inch. They were both happy enough in their pen, munching on the hay in their trough.

Huh…

"Hey, go on, you're free," Aeyrin ushered the goat from a distance. It didn't even turn its head.

Rude.

If only she could Shout. She could use the one that made animals all placid. But even if she could, it wouldn't be smart to bring attention to herself anyway.

Alright. Time for another tactic.

Aeyrin stepped closer to the goat tentatively, hoping it wouldn't kick her or something. It didn't seem concerned with her at all though.

She grabbed a handful of the hay into her hand and stepped away once more.

"Come on. Here's some food," she shook her hand a bit to let the hay rustle, hoping it would get the goat's attention.

It didn't. It was still too concerned with the trough and ignoring her entirely.

Dammit.

She slowly approached again. First she nudged the goat with the hay in her hand. Nothing. She stroked its hide with her free hand, but even that didn't get its attention.

Gods, she really didn't know what to do here. She dropped the hay on the ground, resigned. Apparently this animal needed a bit more than a nudge.

What else was there to do?

Aeyrin tried to push the goat away from the trough, but it didn't move at all. It was intent on ignoring her. It wasn't even eating now, just standing there.

Ugh! Fine!

She was done being careful.

She wrapped her arms around the goat's neck and started to drag it away.

Finally! The goat actually moved. It didn't let out a sound – it didn't seem like it was in discomfort, but it did resist Aeyrin's forceful dragging. It apparently just wanted to stay in place. But that was not going to happen.

Aeyrin kept grabbing it however she could. By the neck, the horns, pushing it from behind. She was a bit concerned about hurting it, but surely the goat would at least bleat if it was actually being hurt, wouldn't it? The resistance did make Aeyrin uncomfortable, but she didn't know what else to do.

At least the goat was radiating some heat.

It was slow going, but Aeyrin finally managed to drag the animal out of the pen. She quickly let go of it as they stepped out, in order to lock the pen once more. She didn't want the cow to escape and she definitely didn't want that stupid goat to run back into the pen again.

It was an ordeal. The cold and the snow made it no easier as she forcibly dragged the goat towards the edge of the town. Every step seemed harder. Every second the goat felt more and more reluctant. But it was moving. Slowly, but moving.

It must have taken at least half an hour to drag it the rather short distance towards the edge of town. But finally, the inn was right there, she just needed to pass the corner.

People would be able to see her soon.

Dressed in only a sheet, with filthy and huge shoes on her feet and dragging a goat.

Gods, if this doesn't scream 'drunken idiot' I don't know what does.

But she was tired of this. She just needed answers. She needed to find Bishop. She needed to find her things. And she needed to know what she did last night. What she did to that man. Or with that man. None of this made any sense.

Let them gawk. She could take it. She had so many times before. This time, it wasn't even from people she knew. Hopefully from no one she had to interact with, ever, in the future. Maybe just Enthir, but he already saw her anyway.

With another deep breath, she dragged the goat by the neck onto the main street. As predicted, several eyes were instantly on her, people gaping with their mouths ajar.

Ignore them, ignore them, ignore them.

At least the inn was right there. She just needed to get the goat up the steps and inside. She really hoped Enthir was there so that he could explain himself and she wouldn't get kicked out.

"Hey!" A man who was currently filling a bucket with snow by the inn called out to her as he watched her struggle. It was the innkeeper. Gods, he was going to kick her out right now.

"I'm sorry, I just… I need…" she tried to stammer while she held the goat firmly. How was she supposed to explain this?

"Is that my dog?" the man questioned instead of chastising her.

What?

What the… that… she didn't even know what to think about that question.

"Uhh… no. It's a goat," she gave him an incredulous look. Was he blind?

The man only shrugged, and as he stepped back towards the inn, he opened the door and held it out for her.

That was… unexpected. He would let her go inside his inn with a goat? And dressed in a sheet. This was all just getting more and more confusing, but for once, it was a good surprise. She shouldn't question it.

She huffed and began dragging the goat up the steps. It took a while, but the man waited patiently until she was finally inside. Only then he closed the door behind them, leaving the shocked gawkers outside.

Though there were no fewer of them inside. But that didn't matter. None of it mattered anymore. The only thing that mattered now was the elf in the corner of the room that looked at her with hope in his eyes.

Good. Here was his stupid goat.

Aeyrin dragged the animal the last few feet towards Enthir. She huffed in exhaustion when it was done and folded her arms across her chest expectantly.

"Well, look who came through," Enthir smirked at her. "And surprisingly fast."

That was fast?!

He better deal with the consequences once the goat is missed. What did he want it for anyway? What would a mage and a black market trader do with a goat?

But before she could ask, Enthir's hands lit up with magic and the goat promptly got enveloped in it. Aeyrin couldn't help but gasp. This wasn't some goat sacrifice, was it? But the animal looked unharmed. It looked exactly the same as before.

"What did you…?"

"That's not the goat," Enthir scowled as he interrupted her question.

"What?! It's a goat!" What was everyone talking about? This was so frustrating. What did he want from her? She just stole a goat for him! Was he blind too? "It's not a dog," she huffed. Maybe she was the one going crazy. Maybe it was a dog and she just imagined a goat. It would make more sense – why the innkeeper let her in, why the animal wasn't interested in hay. She just… didn't know anything anymore.

"Exactly," Enthir nodded.

What?

Gods, just… what was happening? She left the goat stay where it was as she slumped down on a chair by Enthir's table. What else was she supposed to do? At least it was warm here, if nothing else. She wasn't going to go looking for more goats. Even if this one was a dog or… wasn't. Nothing made sense anymore.

Enthir let out a resigned sigh of his own. When she looked up at him, he almost looked sympathetic. She must have really looked pathetic just then to get that reaction from him.

"You don't remember anything at all?" he sighed again.

Aeyrin only shook her head. Was she finally going to get an explanation?

But before Enthir could speak, the innkeeper walk towards them with a stern expression on his face.

"What's the holdup?" he barked at the elf.

"It's… it's not it. I just need a little more time," Enthir growled in response, clearly frustrated.

"You have until tomorrow, mage," the innkeeper only grunted in response until he turned on his heel. Aeyrin only had more questions now, but Enthir finally began to speak.

"Last night… you were already shitfaced when you showed up here," the elf scoffed with a hint of amusement in his voice, but there was still a palpable strain on his face. "You were singing songs, telling tales. You even cried and whined about Karliah, even though I told you I don't wanna fucking talk about her. Just… pretty normal drunk things. Until you started telling me and a few other people about the giant you met on your way here."

A giant? She didn't remember anything about a giant. Then again, she didn't remember anything at all. Did she walk here all the way from Rorikstead? That must have taken forever. How has she not sobered up through that? This was so concerning.

"You said that thing chased you on the road and that you couldn't kill it without your Shouts," Enthir smirked. She told him about that?! "I don't know why, what you were blabbering about. Anyway, then you said that you decided, since you can't kill it regularly, you were going to 'kill it with kindness'," the mocking tone in his voice was hard to hide. Though he wasn't even attempting to do so.

Gods, that did sound like one of her stupidly naïve ideas. What was this about?

"You said you wanted to get him a pet. So that he's not so grumpy anymore," the elf scoffed. "You wanted to bring him a goat."

Divines. So stupid.

"There's only one goat here in town. Winterhold gets mutton and milk from traders. Except for… well this one, I guess," he gestured to the goat standing stiffly next to their table. "It belongs to Aegii. She's a regular client of mine and we do a lot of business together, so I didn't want to take her goat. But I asked if you were alright with me turning another animal into a goat. You promised a lot of money for a goat, you know. I wanted the deal."

Wait so… was that goat she got an actual dog? It was starting to make a little sense. Though it was all just incredibly daft.

"First, you started to rant about how Brelyna could surely turn anything into a goat. But how you couldn't ask her because she hated you for 'saving the College'. You know, that whiny, drunken bragging is really annoying," the elf shook his head at her disparagingly. She really said that? Gods. "Anyway, you were fine with me doing that and, like I said, I wanted the money. But… I'm not really good at alteration magic. Turning things into other stuff, even temporarily, is really complex. Even Brelyna couldn't do that, just so you know," he scoffed.

Well… yeah, it didn't sound like common magic. She had read about it before, but never actually seen it. Ever. But if Enthir couldn't do the spell…

"Oh Gods. What did you do to that animal?" she gasped. She was already imagining some horrible experiments.

"Nothing!" Enthir growled defensively. "I knew I could use illusion instead, you know, to just make it look like a goat. But I didn't tell you about that, in case that wasn't enough for your precious giant. And I didn't want anyone to know what I was going to do. See… there's this… dog. His dog," he inclined his head to the general direction of the innkeeper. "It's a fucking menace. So aggressive, and always barking. It's chasing away my customers too, but that shithead doesn't care. So… I 'borrowed' it."

Alright. So that explained the innkeeper's question. There was a dog somewhere now, looking like a goat.

"I gave you the goat. It was barking and shit, but you didn't even notice that. You believed the illusion," Enthir chuckled, but somewhat bitterly. "You left to give it to the giant. Two birds, one stone for me, right? Except that someone saw me do the spell outside in the alleys and they ratted me out. Now that fucker wants to beat me to a pulp unless I get his dog back," he growled in the innkeeper's direction again.

That was why he wanted the goat. Alright. Things were starting to clear up. Except for that dead man.

"Did you see me at any point with an Imperial…?" she asked, but she was promptly interrupted again.

"Shut it, I'm getting to that. Let me tell you everything. Or don't you want to know anymore?"

She only mimicked locking her lips bashfully. She needed to know everything she could.

"You came back some hour or two later. I wanted to approach you to get the goat back, but you instantly started to whine that you're sorry but you don't have any money for me – you came back without your shit, without your armor, just with your clothes on you. That fucking pisses me off. And I wanted the goat instead anyway. You kept refusing though, saying that fucking giant 'needs a friend'," he growled.

Gods. This just made her sound like a lunatic. She really was out of it last night. Or however long. That was a disturbing thought.

"Then the guy came over to us. The Imperial, you apparently remember. Black hair."

"That's the one!" Aeyrin yelped a little too loudly for her liking. How did that man figure into all this?

"He said his name's Sam. He said he overheard us and that he can help you get that goat back. If you do him a… 'favor'," Enthir scoffed.

A… 'favor'? Why did that make Aeyrin feel all queasy? What kind of favor? Why did she end up in bed with him?

"You kept asking him about the favor, but he didn't wanna say anything in front of me. Probably wanted to fuck you, which… I guess he succeeded?" Enthir gestured to her current makeshift attire. Gods. Really? She really slept with that man? She felt like throwing up.

"But I wasn't gonna let you two leave. I needed my goat to shut up that asshole already," Enthir growled. "I was ushering you outside, but then that Sam guy bolted, dragging you with him. You were just laughing and saying you'll be back after the 'favor'. I don't know if you knew what he wanted, but I don't really care. I ran after you two until that fucker ran into Birna's shop."

Birna's shop? Was that the house where she woke up?

"You didn't follow?" Once more, Aeyrin couldn't conceal the accusation in her voice. He could have helped her. She… she really didn't think the man forced himself on her, she would likely look a lot different, a lot more battered and bruised, but Enthir could have still stopped her from doing something that… awful. She couldn't help but think again how much this was going to break Bishop's heart.

"I couldn't. I'm… not allowed in the shop. I was kinda… buying off all Birna's shit and selling it for profit…" Enthir mumbled.

He… wasn't allowed there? Did that Sam man know? And how did he manage to get past this Birna to get them into her bedroom.

Clearly though, Enthir would not hold answers to those questions.

"So… that's that…" Aeyrin looked at the table with a forlorn expression. She really hoped that Enthir would tell her something, anything that would make it certain that she didn't sleep with that stranger. That she didn't kill him. But there was no such information. And the missing corpse would clearly not speak.

"Look, girly, it's not like I'm gonna go rat you out to your man," Enthir sighed when he saw the face she was making. "Nobody has to know."

That was… nice of him. But she still felt like she should confess. Maybe it was selfish. It would only ease her own conscience and hurt Bishop. But… she didn't want their relationship to go through that again, through the lies. They were in such a good place now. Gods. She just ruined it all.

She could only cling to the small hope that he would understand her lack of rational thinking that night.

"You… you don't know where he is at all?" she sighed. She wanted to see him so badly. Wanted to make extra sure that he was alright, not just by checking that ring every minute. But she also dreaded it more than anything.

"He wasn't here at all," Enthir shook his head.

There was a moment of somber silence when Aeyrin could do nothing but stare at the table. She felt so lost. So scared. And she still didn't know how she could even find Bishop.

But then, a hand on her own roused her up from her deep thoughts.

"Look," Enthir sighed again as he squeezed her encouragingly. "I was pissed, but… guess you're punishing yourself enough already. You still owe me. But… I'm not gonna be a dick about it. We'll help each other out, alright?"

Aeyrin only nodded. She wasn't sure what help there was to get, but she really needed any.

"I'm gonna get you some clothes. Cheap ones. But at least they'll be clothes. And then I'll take the goat back to Aegii and smooth things out with her," he gave her an encouraging smile.

Thank the Gods. Clothes. Actual clothes. And no more fear of the goat-owner sending her to the Chill.

But Enthir said that they would 'help each other out'. This was only his part.

"What… what do you want in return?" She couldn't help but sniffle a bit in her desperate state. She had made such a horrible mess last night. For everyone. How was she ever going to make it up to people?

How was she ever going to make it up to Bishop?

Enthir's hand left hers and he stood up from his seat rather dramatically. He gave her a smile, though it was full of uncertainty behind the confident smirk.

"We are going to go find that giant together and get ourselves a dog-goat."