September 1st, 1995
Hogwarts
High table, welcoming feast
Florence was talking to Pomfrey when Severus walked into the Great Hall by the side door, looking worried.
I just found out who the new DADA teacher is.
And? Florence replied, looking up at him.
He stopped beside her and motioned for her to look at the door near the other end of the table, from where a short and plump woman with apparently no neck and dressed in pink from head to toe walked into the Great Hall smiling sweetly.
"Is that...?" Florence started saying.
"Dolores Umbridge. The new teacher," finished Severus.
"Ooh, I remember her," said Pomfrey, "'Nasty' doesn't do her justice. Prof. Slughorn was always nice to all his Slytherins but her. He knew that one was rotten."
Florence noticed when Umbridge's eyes fell on her and then on Severus, showing clear disapproval to the fact that he was standing so close to her.
"Well, Florence, she saw something she didn't like," Pomfrey said with a smirk.
"She sure did, Poppy."
Severus frowned, "What are you two talking about?"
But the two women just shared a glance and giggled, making the potions master roll his eyes before going to sit on his usual place.
"What were you and Pomfrey giggling about?" Severus asked his wife when she sat beside him.
"We think the pink toad didn't like seeing me near you just now."
"What? Why? It's none of her business if..."
"Oh, but I think she wants you to be her business."
Severus realised what she meant and slowly turned his head to the left, looking at Umbridge sitting four chairs away.
The woman gave him a small smile and he turned to face his wife so fast that his hair flew on his face.
Florence chuckled at him and put the rogue strands in their place, many students looking at them as she touched their sour professor's hair.
You're giving them a show, Florence.
No. A show would be me falling onto my knees and sucking you under the table.
Gave it some thought, wife?
You bet I did. She winked at him.
Florence glanced at Umbridge and smiled, receiving a deep scowl in return.
"Ooh, this is going to be good."
Severus just rolled his eyes, Women and their games.
Right. Florence snorted. Cause you've never played any games nor fucked me in front of anyone just to prove a point.
He smirked. You liked it.
I sure did. She replied.
But Dumbledore interrupted their flirting by approaching the pulpit and beginning his welcoming speech: "To our newcomers, welcome! To our old hands – welcome back! There is a time for speech making, but this is not it. Tuck in!"
But the sudden sound of a throat being cleared affectedly had everyone turning to the left end of the high table, where Umbridge was putting her pink handbag on the table and getting up to approach the pulpit.
"Thank you, Headmaster. Now, I'd like to say a few words."
Dumbledore just nodded at her and stepped aside. But the woman didn't take the pulpit, she walked in front of it instead, beginning:
"The Ministry of Magic has always considered the education of young witches and wizards to be of vital importance. The task of passing on skills and knowledge must be undertaken with utmost seriousness."
Florence sensed her husband tensing up beside her before he said: Shit. She's here to meddle.
Yes. She replied, shaking her head slightly. It was obvious Fudge wouldn't let Dumbledore's last end-of-term speech go unpunished.
And Umbridge continued: "That being said, a balance between old and new, tradition and innovation must be our goal. Although each Headmaster has brought something unique to this historic school," she smiled at Dumbledore, "The progress for the sake of progress must be discouraged."
Here we go. Florence said.
She makes me wish to be summoned. Severus replied, receiving a reproachful look from his wife.
"Let us preserve what must be preserved," continued Umbridge, "Perfect what can be perfected. And prune practices that ought to be prohibited," she finished with a sweet chuckle.
Very few people applauded, as most students had no idea what she was talking about, while the teachers had clearly understood she was there to interfere.
Only Filch enthusiastically applauded her at the end, as he remembered how she was when she studied there, and he could hardly wait to see what she was going to do now that she was back and in a position of power.
Florence didn't miss the way Umbridge looked at Severus and then at her as she turned and walked back to her seat.
She seems very interested, Sev.
He kept his eyes on his plate, refusing to look up. I'm sure my wife will do something about it.
Oooh, she certainly will. And it will be so much fun! Florence chuckled.
Dumbledore sat beside Severus and exhaled; after hearing that speech, he had no doubts that the year ahead would be nothing but difficult.
He glanced at Florence and Severus, knowing they were the only ones he could count on to keep that situation under control.
Yes, Minerva was loyal to the school, but Umbridge was a Slytherin, they'd need more than just loyalty to keep that woman in check.
"Severus," he spoke in a low voice, "I need you two in my office after dinner."
The couple silently nodded.
Later
Dumbledore's office
Florence entered the room and her husband walked in right behind her, closing the door.
"Hi, my children," greeted Dumbledore, "It's already late, so I'll get right to the point: what did you think of our new staff member?"
"Why is she here?" asked Florence, "That's all I need to know. After all you two have told me about that woman, and all the segregating laws she's passed through the years; why is she the new teacher?"
"Ministry's orders."
"As we feared," said Severus, glancing at his wife, "So Fudge is interfering in Hogwarts now?" he looked back at Dumbledore.
"That's the last sodding thing we need!" exclaimed Florence.
"Yes," confirmed the headmaster, "Fudge is launching a campaign to discredit Harry and me; he's even using Lucius Malfoy as his poster boy."
Severus spoke: "You mean Lucius's picture with the dogs that was in the Prophet this morning? Yeah, I saw it," he rolled his eyes.
Florence scoffed: "Posing as a concerned parent; I bet he's telling Fudge you're trying to weaken the Ministry's image by saying my father is back."
"Yes," agreed Dumbledore, "For that reason, Fudge has sent Umbridge to spy on us, and I'm sure they'll try to take full control of the school."
"Take control how?" asked Florence, "As mad as you are, as long as you're here, no one will..."
Dumbledore interrupted her: "Exactly, my dear: as long as I'm here. There might come a time when I may not be here."
Severus and Florence exchanged a concerned glance.
"And when that happens," Dumbledore continued, "I'll need you two here to protect the students."
The couple in front of him nodded, looking at him with concern.
"On a lighter note," Dumbledore added, his blue eyes now twinkling with mischief, "I heard Umbridge's been looking for a husband."
Florence chuckled, "Now that goes hand-in-hand with the ugly stares I've received during dinner."
Severus frowned, looking at them as if they were mad, "What does that have to do with me?"
"Well," explained Dumbledore, "You're around her age. A Slytherin. Known for your disregard for the students. Have got quite a few potions registered to your name, which grant you substantial monthly residuals from the Ministry. And, despite the rumours around the wizarding world, as far as Dolores knows: legally, you're still single."
Florence was struggling to not burst into laughter.
"So: rich, respectful, hates children and Head of Slytherin House," Dumbledore summed up, "Certainly you can see how you're the perfect suitor in Dolores's eyes."
The face of horror that her husband made was the last straw, Florence couldn't hold it in anymore, she laughed hard, so hard she had to sit down to avoid falling down.
Severus nearly shouted: "You must be joking!"
"Believe me, husband – he's not," Florence replied, between laughs, "I saw the way she looked at me – that is a woman on a mission. And I'm her first obstacle."
Dumbledore joined her in laughter.
Severus just shook his head, "You've both completely lost it."
"I'm going to have so much fun with her!" Florence said, "I'll have to send Fudge a 'Thank you' note for sending her here!"
The headmaster hesitated: "Not too much fun, Florence. We can't have the Ministry coming after you."
"Oh, Dumbledore: no body, no crime," she replied, standing up and wrapping an arm around her grumpy husband's arm, "She won't know what hit her."
Severus smirked at her, Are you jealous, James's mother?
She raised an eyebrow at him. Maybe I should fuck you in front of her.
"Ok," Dumbledore interrupted them, "I can't hear what you're saying, but I can sure tell it's not appropriate for sharing. Take the floo, children."
And they did.
September 4th
Florence walked into the hospital wing that beautiful Monday morning to be surprised by someone in pink waiting for her.
"Good morning, Madam Delacour."
"Prof. Umbridge. What can I do for you this morning?"
"Just heed my warning, dear: I was able to see last night that the rumours are true; and I must inform Minister Fudge that Dumbledore allows that kind of depravity inside the school. Hogwarts is a respectable institution that must be preserved and protected from women like you."
"Women like me?" Florence repeated, trying not to laugh, "What do you mean, Prof. Umbridge?"
"Well, the whole wizarding world knows you had illegitimate children with a member of this staff while you two were still students here, and that you tried pinning said kids on a member of a noble and rich pure-blooded family – but he didn't fall for it and your kids remain fatherless to this day."
"Oh, that's what you're talking about," Florence said, smiling, "A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do, professor."
Umbridge seemed to swell in anger at the unconcerned way Florence replied to her accusation; huffing she said: "Prof. Snape is a respectable member of the wizarding society, a brilliant wizard, who doesn't deserve having his name associated to those kinds of rumours!"
Florence heard Pomfrey having a coughing fit to cover up her laughter and she nearly lost it too, but she was able to speak around the bout of laughter tightening her throat: "Of course, Prof. Umbridge. I see what you're saying. He'd be better off being associated to a respectable woman like yourself."
"Exactly! I'm glad we understood each other, Madam Delacour. Now, I must go to my first class. Have a good day."
When the door closed, Pomfrey roared with laughter, summarising between fits what they had just heard: "She's got... a crush! On Severus!"
"Yes," Florence smiled mischievously, "And I've just been warned away from him."
"Ooh, boy. This was the funniest thing since Draco was turned into a ferret," Pomfrey wiped her eyes, "And you look way too happy for a woman who has just been warned away from her own husband."
"Ooh, Poppy, you have no idea what I have in mind. I'm going to have so much fun!"
Later that afternoon
Florence and Severus were walking to a staff meeting on the third floor when they passed by Umbridge's classroom and Florence saw the pink-clad woman was still inside; so she put her first plan into action.
Pretend to be mad at me. She said to Severus.
Why? He asked, confused.
"Just do it, you idiot!" she exclaimed, knowing he'd have to reply since she'd disrespected him out loud.
"Florence!" he stopped walking, confused by her request, but doing it anyway, "That's not a proper way to address a teacher!"
Get angrier. She said.
He held her arm with considerable strength and hissed right at her face: "I will not tolerate that kind of behaviour!"
"I'm sorry, Severus. I won't do it again. I promise," she whimpered, pretending to be very shaken by his words. Now push me away and mention rethinking our relationship.
He frowned, "I will have to revisit the nature of our relationship, Miss Delacour."
"Oh, no, please, don't! Severus," she looked desperate.
And then Umbridge walked out of the DADA classroom, looking at them with a smile.
"Good evening, Prof. Snape," she said, smiling at him and then looking at Florence, "Madam Delacour."
Florence just nodded and watched the pink-on-pink woman walk away from them. Then she pulled Severus into an empty room and laughed hard.
"Care to tell me what was that about?" he asked, arching an eyebrow.
"She truly wants to marry you!"
He rolled his eyes, "Not that shit again. You and Albus are seeing things!"
"No, we aren't! She warned me away from you this morning! She said a respectable member of the wizarding society such as yourself shouldn't have his name associated to a woman like me," she laughed again.
"Fuck. That's the last thing I need."
"Don't worry. I'll keep her plenty busy with all I have in mind."
His lips moved in a slow smirk and he closed the gap between their bodies, wrapping an arm around her waist and the other hand on her chin and neck.
"I bet you will, love," he kissed her lips, pushing her against the wall, "Now, I believe we'll be missing the staff meeting," he pressed one thigh between her legs and pulled one of hers up, giving himself more access to her centre.
Florence moaned softly as he let go of her lips to trail kisses down her jaw, biting her neck, "Do you have a different staff for me to meet, professor?"
Severus couldn't stop the laugh that burst from his throat, "That was a horrible attempt at a joke, Florence!"
She quickly unfastened his trousers and they did end up missing the staff meeting.
"I'm a bloody lucky man," Severus said as he watched Florence getting dressed after their quick shag in the empty classroom.
"Yes, you are," she chuckled, finishing buttoning up her dress.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
They both stilled and shared a look of apprehension before looking at the closed door.
Tell me you cast a silencing spell. She said in his mind.
Severus shook his head and helped her get off the desk. You dragged me here, it's not my fault if half the school heard you moaning my name.
She blushed and shoved her palm on his chest. Open the door, check who's there, I can obliviate them.
He walked to the door after fixing his clothes, opening it and relaxing as he came face-to-face with Dumbledore.
"The staff meeting is over," said the headmaster, "You two will be happy to know that I cast a silencing spell on my way to the meeting room."
Severus visibly relaxed, "Good to know."
Florence showed up beside her husband at the door, blushing, "Thank you, headmaster. We completely forgot."
"Don't feel embarrassed, dear," said Dumbledore, "Fourteen years together and you're still so focused on each other that you forget the silencing charm. That's enviable!"
Then they heard a female voice: "Is there a problem here, Headmaster?"
"None whatsoever, Prof. Umbridge."
"Why weren't you at the meeting, Prof. Snape?" she asked looking at him and noticing his mussed hair.
"A boggart, Prof. Umbridge," Severus quickly came up with the excuse, "I was walking to the meeting room when I heard Madam Delacour scream and I came to see what was causing her distress."
"The most awful thing," Florence said tearfully, "If it weren't for Severus, I don't think I'd have had enough strength to get rid of it myself," she touched his arm.
He glanced at her, the corner of his mouth tilting up almost imperceptibly, and then he was talking to Dumbledore again:
"Let me escort Madam Delacour to the infirmary and then I'll find you, Headmaster, to learn what was said in the meeting. Excuse us," and he walked away with Florence pretending to cry beside him.
Umbridge sighed as she watched the couple walk down the corridor, "I never thought him to be so compassionate," she sounded very impressed, even a little breathless.
"Yes," agreed Dumbledore, "There is a lot about Severus waiting to be unearthed."
"I can clearly see that," her eyes sparkled with interest, "He really makes a girl wants to dig."
Dumbledore smiled, his blue eyes filled with mischief, "Just be careful with what you will find, professor. It might come back to bite you."
Note: The welcoming speeches were inspired in the book (Dumbledore's) and in the movie (Umbridge's). And yes, Umbridge wants to marry Severus (Where did that come from? It seemed obvious since she's 37 and unmarried, plus all the reasons Dumbledore gave). And it'll be sooo much fun to watch Florence putting her in her place.