Author's note: Thanks for your reviews. Appreciate them very much!
Marian Simonetti: This is not the end. We still have a few chapters to go.

Chapter 8

The surgery to fix the torn hamstring went well too but Steve had to struggle to wake up. When he finally did, he was nauseous, tired and a little disoriented the whole day.
Thankfully, he felt better the next.
He still wasn't very talkative though.
"Hey, I know you are not the "share-my-feelings type of a guy," Danny said "but it would be nice if you would say a bit more than "yes, no, I don't know"."
"I am sorry, Danny. I just have to think about certain things."
"Then tell me what is going on in your head. Maybe I can help you with it,"
"No, you can't."
"Why not?"
"Because you can't."
"That is not an answer. Why don't you try me?"
"Because…I have…I…" Steve sighed. "I have to think about what I am going to do with my life," he finally admitted in a sad voice.
Danny looked questioningly at him. He had a hunch where this was going but he needed to hear it.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" Steve asked instead of telling his friend more though.
"I thought you want to explain that to me," Danny replied. "I thought you have already made something out of your life. You have a pretty impressive career."
Steve nodded slightly. "Thought so too. But it's over now and I don't know what else to do. Unlike a lot of other soldiers, I got lucky to find a great job like Five-0 after my career. You know something where I could use my learned skills, where I have some sort of structure. I thought I could do this until I retire. And now I don't know where to go. Being a SEAL, leading Five-0 is who I was."
Danny just stared at his friend not sure if he meant what he just said. But Steve interpreted the look wrongly and said "I'm sorry, Danny. I didn't want to bother you. I…I'm…just…just…"
"Scared?" Danny asked.
"Yes! Yes, Danny! I am scared." Steve shouted.
"It is okay to be scared Steve. There is no shame in it."
When Steve looked away, Danny took his hand in his and said "Hey, look at me."
When Steve reluctantly did, Danny repeated "It's okay to be scared. But nothing is over yet.
And second, and even more important you are much more than "just" a SEAL or the head of Five-0. You are a great friend – my best friend – a loved uncle and brother, a great member of our Ohana and someone you can count on. And it doesn't matter what is going to happen during and after your recovery. You will always be that."
"Thanks Danny. I know that and I appreciate it – and that you've told me. But…I…I worked so hard for this. You know after my mom's "death", the separation from Dad and Mary, after getting picked on about it and bullied around at military school the first 10 months, I had finally achieved something – on my own. I…I am proud of that and of the work I did – well, most of it. It's hard to think I won't be able to this anymore."
"Why are you saying this again? I mean, you are like a cat- with seven lives. You have proven a lot of times that you can beat the odds, that you are exceptional. And this time there aren't even odds."
"I have used up those 7 lives years ago, Danny. And I knew that there might be a day when my luck would end and my career and/or my life but I had always thought about a bullet to the head or an explosion not something simple like this." Steve stopped talking and looked away.
"Hey!" Danny called out, squeezing his friend's hand. "Steve, stop looking away! I am here!"
Steve turned his head back to his friend. Danny continued in a determined voice, "First, this is not simple. It's severe damage. Second, where is your positive attitude? You have always been the one who was working on a way out, always told me there was a way out, brought me through panic attacks of not seeing my kids again because I thought this was the end. You coached me through, told me to not give up – to trust you. I did and we've always made it back.
And I know you had some bad injuries before, including gunshot wounds, stab wounds, electrical burns, broken bones and a few severe concussions. So, where is your positive nature? What is the real problem here, Steven?"
Steve sighed and replied with a defeated sounding voice "I don't know. It's probably because…because I still can't grasp that…that…that my foot is still…attached.
The pain…the pain Danny. The pain I had felt that day was worse than anything I've ever felt before. I…I thought that my foot had been cut off or that it had to be amputated. I was sure when I would wake up, I'd have lost either my foot or even the whole leg.
Now…now it's still there…why Danny?"
"What do you mean "why"?"
"Because, I was sure."
"I can imagine that. It had looked…pretty scary.
The pain, the shock. I can see why you were sure."
"It…it was more than that."
Danny didn't say anything, knew there was more to come but he also knew Steve was in a very emotional state at the moment and Danny wanted to give him time to find the right words.
He was glad that Steve was opening up to him and he didn't want to ruin that by talking at the wrong moment.
Two long minutes passed until the SEAL finally began to speak haltingly.
"I…I had felt those…spikes mo…moving…in my bones. They had crept forward micrometer by micrometer and I…I couldn't do anything because…because the pain…"
Steve close his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath before continuing "the pain Danny. It…it was so incredible. At first, there was nothing but then…it…it overruled everything. I couldn't move or think. Even breathing took effort. It wanted to pass out and it was a blessing when I did. I don't know anything after that." Steve paused, then continued "next thing I know was when I woke up here, after the pneumonia. When…when you've told me what had happened." Another pause, then "I know it is stupid but I…I feel like I am the only survivor of a plane crash, Danny. Why did I survive? And in this case why is my foot still there? I don't know what to do with this information.
On the other hand, I don't know what to because it doesn't matter if my foot got amputated or if it is still there and I have a limp because in both cases it means my SEAL days are over. My Five-0 career is over. I am a field guy, Danny. I can't sit in an office all day – staring at a computer.
I had been good at both jobs and I had loved them both. What now?" Another pause, then "Does…does this makes any sense to you?"
Danny didn't need time to think about his answer.
"Of course, it does. Foot attached or not, you've experienced a massive trauma. You have to process this and you have to cope with the possible outcome. That is scary. And I am kind of glad you react this way because it is a normal human reaction.
Bouncing back every time just like nothing had happened, bottling everything up, coping alone – if at all – is the worst thing you can do.
Being scared is okay but it mustn't overrule everything else.
You are a strong person, Steven. You are a fighter. You will always be. And I know you can achieve more than most people can even imagine.
You are still exhausted – from your injuries, the surgeries, the pneumonia. But you will gain your strength back. Just give it some time.
It's like the doctor had said, it is going to be a long road to recovery.
But like I said you can do it. And when the time is right you can start to think about your careers. Now it is time to think about resting and healing – mentally and physically.
And I will be there for you, especially on the bad days. Always remember that."
"I know you are. Thanks Danny," Steve whispered.