Chapter 8 – Hunger
A/N: Hello, sorry for the delay! So I've taken a bit from both the anime and the manga, and obviously from my own mind. I'm sure some of this differs significantly from canon, and I hope it's not too OOC. I'm happy to answer any questions y'all might have, so please feel free to leave them in the comments/reviews! Just a heads up, there is a LITTLE bit of lemony goodness toward the end of the chapter. So if you're uncomfortable with that, now's the time to turn away.
But for the rest of y'all…Bon Appetit!
Chapter 8 – Hunger
OOO
Following the attack, word had gotten around to the other realms, and the number of youkai traveling between Makai and Ningenkai had decreased significantly. Those who were either brave or ignorant of the threat had been advised to visit the temple upon arrival.
Botan and the others would inform the visitors of the hazards and guide them on how to protect themselves or be on the lookout. Some youkai returned to Makai, and others decided to continue their journey.
The deity and the others lamented over what felt was a hindrance to Genkai's dream.
It had only been a few days since Botan's training had been initiated. Kurama, Yusuke, and Kuwabara took turns teaching her to strengthen her spirit energy, heighten her awareness, and conceal her power from others. They also took rotations watching over both the deity and Yukina to keep them safe, with Hiei taking the brunt of the day shifts.
Since Valentine's Day, a shift had developed between Kurama and Botan. It was becoming increasingly difficult to ignore the sensual need inside of him. He was careful not to let his hands linger too long when he touched her and had made sure not to share a bed with her.
But, oh, how he craved her.
Botan sensed the change as well. When she would catch his eye, she'd look away, face red. She noticed when he would stare too long at her and wouldn't hold her as he had before. Then there were the moments when they were standing very close, and he would lean his forehead on her shoulder as if that was the only safe way to feel her.
Whatever was happening had them both on edge.
On the third day of training, Kurama was standing with Botan in the center of Genkai's dojo. The others stood on the sidelines watching intently, except for Hiei, who seemed utterly bored. Kurama whispered encouraging words and instructions in the deity's ear before stepping several paces away.
"Are you ready?" He asked.
She took a deep breath and nodded. Kurama vanished, moving too quickly for her to see but slow enough so that she could seek his energy out as he moved around her. She released her breath slowly, brows furrowed in concentration as she tried to pinpoint where he was just by sensing his energy.
A tiny spark in the surrounding energy alerted her, and she turned quickly, reaching out behind her a half second too late, and Kurama was able to grasp her wrist.
She pouted in disappointment, but he grinned proudly, "That was good! You were able to tell I was coming from behind."
The others cheered her on, but she could only chew her lip in dissatisfaction. She didn't feel as though she was doing enough. She was eager to get stronger and no longer feel like a burden. And though she had progressed, she couldn't fight the gnawing feeling of encumbrance.
Kurama noticed her disappointment. He was proud of her progress, but her ambition kept her from being satisfied. There was nothing he could say to dissuade her discontent, but he reminded her it had only been a few days and that development took time.
She pouted, and Kurama tried to stop a laugh that had bubbled at her response. It slipped out as a snicker, and she glared daggers at him.
"Shut up," she hissed with a smack to his arm. The others seemed thoroughly amused by the interaction and laughed.
"I think you've earned a break," he said, wishing to distract her.
Hiei scoffed.
"Have something to add, Hiei?" The kitsune asked.
"You're all too easy on her," the koorime replied flatly. "She should be training from dusk till dawn every day, not taking these extended breaks. It's been three days, and she still can't detect you?"
"Yeah, well, she's not a fighter," Yusuke grumbled. "Lay off, will ya?"
"That shouldn't matter," Hiei retorted. "The woman probably isn't completely useless, but she won't get anywhere with all of you coddling her like an infant."
"Rome wasn't built in a day, Hiei," Kurama stated, knowing full well Hiei didn't know about Rome. He placed his hand on the small of Botan's back, out of sight of the others, and gave her an encouraging squeeze.
Hiei eyed them, "I'll train her, then. She'll be up to par in no time."
"No," Kurama replied in a tone much darker than he'd intended; he felt Botan shiver a little against his touch.
Kuwabara nodded in agreement, "The little jerk will probably just knock her around for the hell of it."
Yusuke, however, was considering it. Kurama fixed him with a stare of incredulity, "Don't tell me you agree with him?"
"Well," the Mazoku pondered, "it kind of makes sense. Hiei is the only one who doesn't have a soft spot for her. Genkai was brutal with me and kicked my ass into shape."
"This isn't the same thing, Yusuke." Kurama countered, voice dripping with vexation.
"You gotta be kidding, Urameshi!" Kuwabara stomped toward the former detective, and the two ended up bickering.
Hiei turned his red eyes toward Botan, who had yet to utter a single word. Rarely did she ever look directly at him, he knew it was primarily out of fear, but today was different. Her pink eyes were locked with his, but in the absence of the usual echo of fright, there was an impetus to accept his proposal.
He raised a black brow ever so slightly and regarded her with something distantly similar to esteem. While Kuwabara and Yusuke continued their fight, Kurama took notice of the inaudible exchange between Hiei and Botan.
"Botan?" She raised her face towards him with a guilty, nervous expression.
"Let the woman choose," Hiei's voice seemed to strike through all of them enough to still their arguing. He crossed the dojo floor to stand in front of Botan and Kurama. "Well?"
She swallowed the lump in her throat, "I…I want to try."
"There is no try," Hiei sneered. "You'll either do it or you won't."
She took a deep breath and moved her hands to her hair, untying and re-tying her ponytail.
"Let's do it, then. Right now," she said determinedly.
Kurama wanted to discourage her and save her from whatever nightmare Hiei might put her through. But he could see she was resolute in her decision, and he would not stand in her way. So, patting her on the shoulder as he left her side, he stopped next to Hiei and whispered a low threat.
"If you hurt her, you will be sorry."
Hiei glowered but said nothing, noticing the gold lining of his friend's green irises. Even he knew not to push the kitsune's boundaries regarding what he considered belonged to him, and it was becoming clear that Botan fell into that category.
Kurama took place against the side wall to watch with sharp eyes. Every cell in his body was on high alert, just waiting for Hiei to make even the tiniest mistake and awaken something inhumane within him. However, he was past questioning his feelings for the moment and was content to act first and ask questions later.
The shorter youkai removed his coat and tossed it aside, "Try to tap me before I stop moving."
Botan nodded at the command.
She moved into a defensive stance, sliding one foot behind her for balance, inhaling deeply and slowly. Focusing on grounding her feet to the floor, she closed her eyes and pushed her energy outward and around her like a spider's web. Upon opening her eyes, she dropped her head in a brief, curt nod.
It happened in an instant. Hiei moved around her so quickly that he disappeared, and though it was unnerving, she was not afraid.
Kurama was watching raptly with sharp, golden eyes. Hiei was moving swiftly but not so fast that the kitsune couldn't follow him. For Botan, of course, she was blind to his speed.
Suddenly and without warning, Hiei picked up speed and flitted closer and closer to the deity. Unfortunately, her eyes were searching frantically in the wrong direction. Kurama's attention returned to the koorime, who was inching closer.
"Hiei, don't!" Kurama warned, breaking Botan's concentration. She whipped her head towards Kurama's voice, and it only took a millisecond for Hiei to stop directly in front of her, catching her completely off guard. Then, before the gasp could even leave her lips, he pushed her, the force hurling her backward at a speed that would have killed a human.
Her body curled inward, eyes open wide in shock, and she didn't have time to brace for impact.
Kuwabara, who had moved to the back of the dojo, ran forward with his arms outstretched and caught her before she hit the ground. His feet slid across the floor, tumbling them backward and falling with loud grunts.
A flash of silver darted across the room, and Hiei found himself towered over by Kurama in Youko form. The taller youkai was silent, and the air around him snapped and sizzled with energy, but the smaller man was unperturbed.
Yusuke rushed over, standing near and on alert in case he should need to separate them.
"You've no one to blame but yourself, Kurama," Hiei snapped. "She was able to lock onto me right before you distracted her."
Kurama's eyes narrowed. Admittedly, he had indeed broken Botan's focus. "Regardless," he spoke lowly, "you hit her with unnecessary force. You could have broken her neck had she hit the ground."
"She's fine," Hiei replied. "The oaf caught her. Still, she had a chance to meet the goal. But you hindered that." His red eyes shifted to where Kuwabara was helping the deity up to her feet. "She's not a complete idiot."
Kurama's hands twisted roughly into Hiei's shirt.
"Careful, Kurama," Hiei said lowly, "your sentiments are showing."
Botan walked quickly, albeit with a slight limp, towards them. At the sound of her approaching, Kurama released Hiei and turned around. His features softened when he saw she was unharmed.
"I'm fine! But…" she hesitated to find the words she needed to say. "But…I think if you – if all of you, that is- will be too preoccupied with me getting a little roughed up, maybe it's…best…if…"
"Spit it out," Hiei said irritably.
She jumped, and the words came spilling out, "Maybe it's best if you're not here!" She turned red from her ears to her chest and clapped her hands to her mouth in surprise at her own brevity.
Her eyes traveled up to gauge Kurama's reaction.
He stared impassively at her with his molten eyes, reading her face. She wanted to melt under his hardened stare. She realized she'd never really been in such proximity to him in the demon form. The energy emitting from his body was deep, dark, and intimidating. His silver brows knit together briefly as if insulted.
She waited for him to speak, wished he would, but he didn't.
He went wordlessly to leave, silver tresses elegantly following his movements.
"You're behaving like an animal in heat," Hiei sneered telepathically, receiving no reaction.
Botan's eyes followed his retreating form, a pit of guilt growing in her stomach. Soon the room was empty as the others withdrew, leaving her and Hiei alone. She wrung her hands together, eyes glued to the door.
Was Kurama angry? Was he hurt? He'd changed into Youko without warning, and his aura had been so threatening. Hiei could handle himself, of course, but she refused to let any fight break out at her expense. Seeing Youko standing over Hiei like that had been terrifying.
On top of his sudden change, he'd interrupted their training. Botan had been so close to spotting Hiei before Kurama called out. The spark in the energy had caught her attention, and although she probably wouldn't have been able to touch Hiei, she'd almost figured out the direction from which he'd been coming. So asking him to leave had seemed reasonable.
She took a sharp breath and resolved to follow him out and explain her actions. But she hadn't completed even a whole step before Hiei snapped at her.
"Don't bother. There's no point in chasing after him now," Hiei said sharply. "Now, get ready.
I'm not taking it easy on you."
OOO
Hours later, only when Hiei was satisfied that Botan was too exhausted to move forward, she was released from training. Her first thought was to seek out Kurama, but she was disappointed that he'd already left. The all-too-familiar guilt began to eat at her.
Despite her achy, tired muscles, she couldn't fight the temptation to take to the air and fly to his apartment.
The winter night was still and cold, but the sky was clear and the moon full. These were her favorite nights to soar and feel the cold wind bite her skin. The call of the chilly air had her summoning her oar, preparing to take flight, when a voice came from behind her.
"Where the hell do you think you're going?"
Botan shrieked and turned, hand clasped to her chest, to find Yusuke scowling. "Ack," she breathed. "You scared me!"
"Yeah, yeah," he said. "Where are you off to?"
"Oh," she laughed nervously. "Uh, I just wanted to get some air…training was tough, you know?"
"Uh-huh," he said skeptically. He eyed Botan disapprovingly, making her shift uncomfortably beneath his stare like a sister having been caught sneaking out by an older brother. He sighed wearily and scratched the back of his head, "Oh, man. Look, I know you're going after Kurama."
A flush crept up her face and neck as she attempted to make an excuse. Yusuke, of course, wasn't buying it and just boorishly ogled her, thoroughly unconvinced. Finally, he heaved a painful moan when she ran out of pretext.
"Look," he reasoned, "it ain't my place to tell you not to go do…whatever it is you two are doing."
She bristled at the accusation, "Nothing is going on between us! We're strictly platonic friends, and that's-"
"Oh my god, Botan, I don't caaaaare," he grumbled. "You and Kurama can hang, or screw-" she opened her mouth to argue, but he snapped her lips shut with his hand, "-or whatever the hell you two do or don't do. But we're under threat here, dummy. You can't leave by yourself."
He let her mouth go and proffered to an invisible table open for her to speak.
Botan glared before her features softened, and she sighed, "I just wanted to talk to him."
Yusuke nodded with sympathy, "I get it. It seemed like he got a little butt hurt about you kickin' him out."
"He did?" she asked in horror, recovering momentarily to chastise him for the choice of words, but the Mazoku shrugged indifferently.
"Yeah," he said. "But I'm pretty sure he was beating himself up more than anything."
Her brows knit together in concern, and she looked off into the distance as if searching for him,
"I really do need to talk to him, then." Her voice came out as a desperate whisper, so sad that Yusuke considered letting her go. He even considered taking her directly to Kurama. But the danger was too great.
"Call him," he offered. "You can use the phone in the kitchen…pretty much everyone else is out for the night, so you'll have some privacy." He turned and began to walk away, calling out goodnight to her over his shoulder.
OOO
Earlier in the day…
"Uh, so," Yusuke started awkwardly, approaching Kurama after exiting the dojo. "Yeah, so that was weird."
Kurama didn't turn, having already resumed his red-haired form. "It doesn't matter," he said flatly.
"I dunno about that," Kuwabara chimed in, joining them. "Seems like Hiei had you riled up in there…or maybe it was Botan."
Kurama frowned in thought. "We were all concerned what damage he might've done," he reasoned, though he knew it was not convincing.
Yusuke sniggered, "Yeah, but you changed into Youko so quickly…did you mean for that to happen? Or was it more like when a preteen gets a boner in history?"
Kuwabara fought back a chortle, trying to mask it with a cough but failed miserably, resulting in him and Yusuke bursting into hysterical laughter. The kitsune rolled his eyes and made to leave, but Yusuke clapped his shoulder, "Hang on, hang on! Let's talk about this."
"There's nothing to discuss," Kurama said.
"Alright, alright," Yusuke held his hands up in defeat. "We'll drop it,"
There was a pregnant pause before Kuwabara asked, "So…I was right about you and Botan, huh?"
"I'm leaving."
Late that same night, Kurama was sitting in his darkened living room, half-full glass of wine in hand and boring a hole into the ceiling as he reflected on his actions. His transformation had been void of any conscious effort or thought. But the reason for the change was undeniable: Kurama felt Hiei had harmed what belonged to the kitsune, Botan.
A cavity of self-disgust was festering within him. This sense of possession for the deity was youkai idiosyncrasy reserved for mates and territory, neither of which pertained to Botan.
"It's biological," he thought, although Kurama wasn't truly convinced of that. He grunted in frustration and ran a hand through his red hair before letting it slide over his eyes. Every time he closed them. However, all he could see was her.
She'd come to Hiei's defense so earnestly, and he couldn't deny the jealousy that had filled his veins. Then, to add insult to injury, she'd told him to leave. He agreed it was the right decision, but deep down, and it wounded his pride. He'd studied her face, looking for even an ounce of disgust or contempt, but of course, there had been none.
It was his own scorn for himself reflected in her eyes.
His being there was a diversion. His fear and anxiety were an affront to her strength. She was a strong, intelligent, and independent woman who wanted to grow stronger. He would have been a hindrance to her progress had he stayed.
The greatest issue was this festering, desperate desire to claim her physically. For Kurama to change forms was a sign that his control was slipping. He had long ago accepted and came to terms with being both human and youkai, but there was something foreign about how badly he needed her. Perhaps it was infatuation or a mixture of his basic organic needs for physicality as a youkai and the emotional requirements as a human.
Kurama frowned deeply and lifted the glass of wine to his mouth, finishing its contents.
He smiled ruefully at the empty glass. He'd been drinking more often to escape the confusing feelings plaguing him. But they only served to complicate matters further when his drunken thoughts were inundated with Botan.
"Damn these emotions," he growled.
He would have to put space between them. It was the only way to regain a semblance of self-will. It would hurt both of them, but it would be for the best.
Wouldn't it?
Resigned to sleep things off, he stood to put away the glass and bottle and walked from his kitchen towards his room when the phone rang. Instinctively, he knew it was her. His hand flexed in protest of his body's refusal to answer. But he wouldn't pick up the call. He couldn't.
The answering machine beeped, and Botan's voice filled the dark apartment.
"Hey…it's me," she said hesitantly. "Sorry to call so late…I just got out of training and wanted…I just wanted to…check on you. Yusuke mentioned you were upset, so I wanted to see if you're okay…if we're okay."
Her voice cracked as she choked back a sob. Automatically Kurama turned towards the phone but fought against himself from answering.
She inhaled deeply before continuing, "Anyway…Again, I'm sorry for calling so late. I'm sure you're already in bed…I'm about to do the same. So…goodnight. Sweet dreams, Kurama."
There was a click, and her voice was gone.
Kurama's logical sense told him to go to bed and ignore the nagging urge to run to her side. But that deep, unreasoned compulsion had him heading back to the temple, and soon, before he could fully even register his actions, he was standing on the engawa outside of Botan's room.
The water vapor puffed around him as he breathed deeply and listened. She was asleep. Her heart beat slowly, chest rising with the soft sighs he'd become adjusted to hearing as he fell asleep. He slid the door open and padded across the floor silently to see her.
He knelt beside her to lean over her sleeping form. His scarlet hair cascaded around her like a curtain as he admired her features. Her brows were knit together in a worried frown. He gently cradled her cheek with his hand, and her face softened as though she could sense him. Her body relaxed, and she sighed.
"Kurama," she called in her sleep, unconsciously leaning into his touch.
Unable to resist, he placed a feather-like kiss on her forehead, allowing his lips to delay ever so lightly upon her soft skin.
"This is creepy," he thought and quickly made his way out of her room, uncharacteristically blushing. The bitter air bathed him like a cold shower but did little to cool the fiery longing. He sat outside her room for the remainder of the night, listening to her sleep.
Despite the difficulty of it, he felt the best move for both of them – if not for his own sanity – would be to establish distance between them. So by the time the sun rose, and Botan woke up, he was gone.
OOO
Two weeks later…
Botan fell back on the dojo floor with a pained groan. She stared up at the ceiling as she caught her breath from Hiei, having pushed her dozens of feet back. The training was wearing her out, but she was undoubtedly improving.
"Get up," Hiei snapped.
She pushed herself into a sitting position with a grimace, "Hiei, please, I need a break. I'm exhausted!"
"You're distracted," he corrected roughly, standing over her with a scowl. "Get Kurama out of your head."
She blushed darkly, "That's not-"
"Shut up," he pulled her to her feet by the scruff of her shirt.
She yelped but made no protest. Hiei was right, of course. Kurama was in her every waking thought. Sometimes in her dreams he would sneak into her room and hold her tightly when she'd dream. But today was especially beset with the scarlet-haired youkai because it happened to be his birthday.
They hadn't seen each other in weeks, and every day that passed without him dragged on for an eternity.
"Focus, woman, or you'll wind up on your ass again," Hiei threatened, drawing her back into reality.
Botan shook herself a little, taking deep breaths down to her belly. She spread her arms out and pooled her energy into the palms of her hands in wait. Hiei disappeared.
He was still far too quick for her eyes to keep up with, but she had learned to detect his location with her energy, at least a little.
She held her breath, spotting the movement of his energy ever so slightly as he flitted around the dojo. He approached closer, closer, and closer. Finally, with a quick release of her breath, she manifested a pink shield that sprouted from her hands with a flourish of pink peony petals. With a grunt, she pushed the shield forward, blocking Hiei from approaching her at the very last second. He kicked off the shield and flipped backward in the air, landing several feet in front of her with a whisper of a smirk.
She waited with bated breath for his reaction, too familiar with what he'd do if she let her guard down.
"Not horrible," he confirmed with a roll of his eyes as she began to jump and squeal in celebration. Then, the koorime started to put his coat back on, "We're done for the day."
"Oh, so early?" She glanced at her watch, noting it was still early in the afternoon.
"I have to return to Makai."
"To Mukuro?" She asked almost slyly and received a harsh glare in response. "Sorry, sorry…I just…it's just that youkai relationships are so different."
Hiei fixed her with an annoyed stare. His Jagan eye glowed as he peered into her mind. He clicked his tongue in disgust, "It's none of your business." He glanced at the downtrodden deity almost sympathetically, for even he had to admit Kurama's treatment of her in the past weeks had been cruel. "Relationships between youkai when mated are similar to human relationships…to an extent."
"What do you mean?" She asked tentatively.
He sighed impatiently, "The bond is deeper. It ties directly into the essence of their souls, their energy, and it is both physical and spiritual."
"I see," she responded, eyes downcast in thought. A thought occurred to her, "Oh…so does that mean you and Mukuro are mated partners, then?"
"Shut your mouth! Mind your own business, idiot," he snarled. She fell into fearful silence.
Pausing at the dojo door, he muttered over his shoulder, "Stop thinking about these things. Kurama will figure out what he wants at some point." Before she could ask any further questions, he flitted out of the dojo and headed back to Makai.
Despite what Hiei said, there was no purging the kitsune from thoughts. Her mind ran around in circles while she showered, washing away the sweat and grime. Once again, she reminded herself that leaving her questions unanswered would save her from heartbreak and that maybe, possibly, seeing Kurama might soothe her worries. She had come to crave his presence, and his absence had been painful.
Acknowledging her desire to see him was selfish. She couldn't help but wish for an opportunity to leave the compound to find him.
She returned to her room and passed Kuwabara and Yukina in the garden. Kuwabara had his back turned towards Botan and was speaking to Yukina softly. A small, adoring smile crawled upon Yukina's face as she looked up at him with a light blush.
Botan watched in awe, truly happy for her friends to have found love. She wanted it for all of her friends, Kurama included, even if it wasn't with her. Her stomach dropped in despair, and she closed her eyes to fight the tears.
It was then that she realized how distracted Kuwabara was. Hiei was gone, Yusuke was manning the ramen shop, Keiko was at school, and Shizuru was at work. It was the perfect time for her break away. For the briefest of moments, she considered staying, but the lure was too great.
OOO
Since the earthquake, Kurama had been busier than usual with work. Following the awards show and the connections he'd made, business had been booming, as he'd planned, and he felt it was time for the company to take on an additional office. His stepfather and the board had not taken much convincing to move forward, so Kurama took on the brunt of the work.
He was grateful for the distraction. It had even come with some personnel changes as Chiyo had taken the shock of the earthquake quite hard and had left the company. Admittedly, he had been saddened to see her go. Now there was no one to screen his calls and guests as well as Chiyo had.
They had a temp receptionist but her attempts were…less than satisfactory.
He'd just set the receiver of his office phone down when it rang again almost immediately.
"Mr. Minamino," came the voice of the temp receptionist of his floor, "There is a guest here to see you. She said it's quite urgent."
"'She?'" he quoted curiously, sensing for energy but finding nothing unusual from the ordinary human energy of the office workers. He pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. He'd asked for no disturbances, "I wasn't expecting a guest."
"Ah, well," her voice dropped to a whisper, "it might be a delivery since it's your
birthday…she's holding what looks like a cake."
Kurama groaned inwardly, "I'm on my way."
Reluctantly he made his way to the front desk. The receptionist pointed discreetly at the girl. She was facing away from them, long black hair down around her shoulders, wearing a tweed dress.
"Sorry to have kept you waiting, miss."
She turned around with a wide smile, roseate eyes glittering happily.
The polite smile fell immediately from Kurama's face, "Botan?"
"Surprise!" she giggled, brandishing the cake box in her hands. "Happy birthday!"
Automatically, he forced a polite smile, realizing the receptionist was staring and took the box from her hand. "This is a surprise," he said. "Let's go to my office."
"Okie dokie," Botan replied and followed him down the hall. She entered the office first, and Kurama followed behind her.
When he closed the door, he rounded on her, "What are you doing here?"
His voice was low and even but cold. She froze in shock at his livid tone.
"I wanted to surprise you," she started.
He took a step towards her making her immediately take a step back, putting space between them. "Do you really think this is an appropriate time? When an attack happened exactly in this location just two weeks ago?"
"I wore a wig!"
"Botan," he seethed, "that doesn't matter if they've been watching you this whole time!" He ran his free hand through his hair, "I'm taking you back right now."
"No!" she protested.
She shook her head vehemently and took a few more steps back as he reached his hand out. He stared at her incredulously, "Don't be ridiculous."
She continued to back away, scowling.
His hand fisted at his side, and he moved quickly towards her. "Damnit, Botan, this isn't the-" his words were cut short as he smacked into a barrier, dropping the cake box. His green eyes widened in a mixture of confusion and fury, "What?"
Botan dropped her hands, her chest rising quickly as the energy began to drain from her. She heaved a sigh, and her knees buckled, but Kurama quickly caught her before she could hit the floor.
"I'm fine," she wheezed. "I had training this morning…plus flying here…it was a little too much."
Kurama helped her into his desk chair, "Even more reason for you not to have come."
She clicked her tongue impatiently, "But I stopped you, didn't I? You didn't even see it coming." Leaning against his desk, arms crossed, he studied her. "Hiei has taught me a lot."
"I can tell," he said.
"My shield might not be enough to defend myself fully, but it would leave enough time for me to get away," she said unevenly. "Well, if I don't pass out first."
A thick hush filled the office as they looked at one another sadly. It was agonizing to be apart for both of them, just as Kurama had predicted. Yet he hadn't anticipated seeing her would cause an even more intense ache. He could feel his already sinewy resolve weaken while standing beside her. He'd seen her several times in her sleep, had held her close, and whispered apologies deep into the night.
Seeing her awake was far more difficult.
Botan chuckled a little, "If you'd been moving any faster, I would've knocked you down."
He stared at her incredulously, finding her biting her bottom lip and holding back a snicker. "Are you laughing at me?" He breathed. She began to shake with silent laughter.
"Sorry," she giggled, "you tease me all the time and I simply couldn't pass up the opportunity to get you back."
Kurama was at a loss for words, too infuriated and strangely proud that all he could do was laugh. She smiled softly, then sadly, and averted her gaze. Seeing the emotions play out in front of him made him want nothing more than to pull her into his arms. He'd missed her.
The silence stretched on until he couldn't stand the deafening quiet anymore. He suggested they leave, and not too much later, they were back on the temple grounds.
"Are you going back to work?" She asked.
"No," he responded, "I'll see if there is anything I can assist with here. I'll check with the others for any update."
"Sounds good," she said, shifting her feet unnervingly. "I guess I'll see you around, then."
"Sure."
He turned away from her but stood rooted to the spot, not daring to move until he could no longer hear her retreating footsteps. He knew he should leave, knew the space between them was the right decision. But being near her again, speaking with her, made the impulse to stay too strong to battle.
Yusuke, Keiko, and Shizuru arrived later that night, and all convinced Kurama to stay for dinner.
"It's your turn to take watch anyway," Yusuke grumbled.
All had joined the table, save for one.
"Where's Botan?" Shizuru asked.
Yukina chimed in, "She said she wasn't hungry."
"Yeah, she hasn't eaten since this morning," Kuwabara said, glancing at Kurama, who appeared nonchalant. But the human knew it was merely a front.
The meal continued on with dinner, dessert, and drinks late into the night. Kurama was guilt-tripped into staying to keep watch overnight, and he'd begrudgingly agreed, though truthfully, he'd been visiting the temple most nights to see Botan sleep anyway.
Kuwabara had been correct in thinking that Kurama was secretly concerned. He was furious. Bot coming to dinner was understandable, but it was ridiculous for her not to eat at all. She needed to take care of herself. He needed her to take care of herself.
Thus he stood in front of her bedroom door, a plate of food in hand. "Botan?" he called out.
There was a pause before she replied, "Yes?"
He slid the door open without thinking and locked eyes with her from where she stood in the center of the room, sans shirt. They stared at each other in shocked silence, both flushing from head to toe for too long before Botan shrieked and made to cover her exposed breasts.
"I didn't say come in!" She screamed.
Kurama slammed the door closed so forcefully that it splintered and fell from its track. He turned around immediately. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry! I didn't see anything-"
"Don't lie!" She barked, "Just wait there…I'll be out in a second."
That unbidden, fleshly yearning raged under his flesh. Blood rushed downward, his ears burned, and it felt as if his heart was thundering loudly. Had he been a weaker man, he might never have stopped staring. Wracked with shame, he only stayed because she'd told him to. Part of him wished he'd left, wished he had fought the need to be with her.
She was the flame, and he the moth. He wanted her. He ached for her.
"Fuck," he thought.
"Okay," her voice intruded his thoughts. "You can look now."
He turned to face her, apology on his lips. Neither of them could look the other in the eye. "It's fine," she assured. "Why…why were you coming by?"
He held up the plate of food, thankful for the change of topic, "You missed dinner."
"Oh, thank you," she took the plate in her hands. "I was too tired to eat after getting back, so I took a nap."
"Ah," Kurama replied, nearly kicking himself. Of course, she'd been exhausted. "Well, enjoy." He made to leave, but she grasped his hand with surprising speed. His brows rose, impressed with how much Hiei's training had worked.
"Stay with me," she said softly. Before he could protest, she decided to use what little leverage she had against him. Even though it was something she hated doing, "you owe me that, at least."
He respected her for it.
They sat together in her room, a make-shift door in place made of vines, neither of them speaking much to the other. But at a certain point, Botan couldn't skirt around the subject anymore and had to share her thoughts.
"I know you've been avoiding me and that you weren't happy to see me today," she said, swallowing down her anxiety. "Why that is exactly, I don't know…but it's made me really sad."
Kurama couldn't meet her eyes and only listened intently.
"I wish you wouldn't keep me in the dark, Kurama," her voice quivered, barely above a murmur.
"It hurts…because I thought weren't going to do that to each other."
He couldn't speak over the lump in his throat.
"Was it because of what happened that day? When I asked you to leave the dojo?"
His eyes finally traveled to her face, focusing on her lips. He hated that she'd been blaming herself.
"Botan-" he started.
"Because if it is, I'm sorry," she interrupted. "I didn't mean to make you upset."
He needed her to know that none of this was her fault, "Botan, that's not-"
"It feels like you're punishing me," her voice suddenly rose, finding her irritation overcame her pain. "And that's crappy. Plus, you're the one who suggested I train in the first place. You could have stayed that day anyway."
Her face became flushed as she grew more agitated, the blush crept down to her chest, and his eyes ardently followed it down as it grew, reminding him of the sight of her nakedness. His blood began to roar in his ears again, and a coil of heat gathered in his nether regions.
He scowled at his excitement, "Now is not the time."
This conversation had to end. He needed to leave. "Botan."
"If you'd just told me that I hurt your feelings that day, we could have avoided all of this!" she cried, the words fumbling out of her angrily. "Then, you turned into Youko all of a sudden and left me in the lurch, so I couldn't even ask you why that happened."
He was going to lose his grip. His mind was growing fuzzy. "What is wrong with me?" he thought. He stood up to leave, but she stood too, grabbing his shirt.
"Where are you going?" She asked almost desperately, "We need to talk about this! You've been giving me the cold shoulder for absolutely no reason and-"
Her stomach leaped into her throat when she found herself suddenly pinned beneath him on the floor, his emerald eyes lined with molten gold and sharp as he locked his gaze with hers. His hands were on either side of her head, his hair falling around her, and he was so, so still. Her entire body trembled; her breath hitched and her chest rose and fell rapidly.
"Kurama-"
"Don't," he cut her off with a whisper. "Don't."
She could only lie there beneath him, too afraid to move. His eyes roamed over her face, searching, searching. Her tongue darted out to moisten her lips, and she released a shuddering breath while white-hot heat collected at her core.
Kurama's mind was clashing with his body, which had acted of its own accord. He felt his desire strain against his pants, could smell hers pooling between her milky thighs, and it was too much to bear.
"Do you realize how bad I want you? This is why I've stayed away," he croaked. "Fighting this impulse is impossible…and I don't want to fail you by losing my rationale in lust."
"Push me away, Botan," he pleaded silently. The heat between them was stifling. He pressed their foreheads together, his body breaking out in a cold sweat as he resisted that wanton urge.
"Tell me to go," he begged aloud, eyes scrunched tightly closed. "Tell me to leave."
Her hand came up to cradle his cheek. His body began to ignite at her touch.
"Don't," he whispered, "please. I can't."
"It's okay," she whispered back. "I promise."
He laughed mirthlessly, "It really isn't."
Pulling away just enough to search her face for rejection, hate, or any sign that would override his senses and force him to go, he found her beautiful eyes dark with lust.
The air around them grew heady, "Kurama…" She breathed his name with such desire and longing that the last semblance of his resolve broke with a resounding snap.
They crashed their lips together. Who kissed who first didn't matter. All that mattered was they were finally connected in a way they'd both wanted for so, so long. He groaned against her mouth; something primal within him growled in approval when she parted her lips, and their tongues met. Her arms wrapped around him, and she let out a soft moan that further fueled the fires within him.
He pressed their cores together, earning another pleasured cry and allowing him to deepen their kiss. Their tongues danced together deliciously while his hands explored her body. How long had he been this desperate to touch her?
His hunger had him metaphorically at her feet, worshiping her as if she was a goddess, and he would give anything to have her, to be inside of her. Drinking her in, his lips left hers to roam across her jaw, nibbling her ear to then sear the skin of her throat with hot, open-mouthed kisses. His teeth nipped her neck, marking her with each bite, and she whimpered loudly, spreading her legs apart and over his hips.
"Fuck," he growled, "Botan…"
She pulled his face towards hers to kiss him again; their tongues intertwined frantically, teeth bumped, and she cried wantonly.
"Kurama," she moaned, "Touch me."
His hands fell to the waistband of her pants; his fingers hooked inside and began to pull. She lifted her hips to help him begin sliding them off. Her pants were at her knees, gracing him with a view of her soaked panties and slick thighs.
He groaned as if in agony and released her legs of her pants. His hands ran over her calves and he pulled her closer to begin kissing the inside of her leg just above her knee. He began to work his way upward, becoming drunk on the scent of her heat.
She panted at his touch, lost in the pleasure of his lips upon her body. Her hands moved to his hair as he moved closer and closer to where she wanted him the most. His fingers began to tear at her panties, too eager to remove them properly.
"Yes," she whispered, so ready to feel his mouth on her sex. Her teeth sank painfully into her bottom lip and drew blood. Almost, almost, almost…
A door slammed in the distance, followed by the sound of Yusuke and Keiko talking, violently breaking the spell.
Kurama instantly sat upright, staring at her wildly as if he'd woken from a dream. Her pink eyes reflected the same shock and confusion. His cheeks turned scarlet while he moved to grab her pants and hand them back to her.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck," he cursed himself angrily and looking away to give her a modicum of privacy, even if it seemed moot at that point.
"I…" he started when she'd adjusted her clothes and it was safe to look at her.
"Don't apologize," she said. She squeezed her legs together in an attempt to calm down.
"Do you want me to go?" He asked suddenly. The question had been so quiet, so sweet and uncertain that she wanted to laugh.
"No," she replied quickly. "I need you to stay with me. Please."
Kurama couldn't help but feel lost. Things had changed so drastically so quickly. He felt ashamed to have lost control so easily and had expected her to resent him. She hadn't turned him away, which disordered him even further. It was only her encouraging, patient voice that let him feel safe enough to hold her and fall asleep in one another's arms.
OOO
They woke in a daze, unsure of what to say. They sat together in an ambiguous silence, holding hands and enjoying the quiet of the early morning.
Kurama broke the silence first, "I'm sorry." He frowned at the simplicity of the statement, but it was sincere. "I've been a monster the past two weeks."
Botan shook her head, "No, it's okay."
"You forgive so easily," he smiled. "I don't deserve that."
"Stop it," she smacked his hand playfully. Her face grew serious, and she gripped his hand tightly. "This can't happen again."
He frowned.
"I don't want thing to change, she murmured. "I don't want you to resent our closeness."
He looked at her seriously, "I could never."
She smiled sadly, "But still…we can't let this reoccur."
There was a gravid pause before he asked, "What if I want it to?"
She shook her head and gazed at him pleadingly, "Don't do that. You know we can't."
"Why?"
"Please, Kurama," she begged forlornly. "Don't make this more difficult"
He knew she was right, and he agreed with her, but he would never stop wanting her.
"I don't want this to ruin our friendship," she admitted, wiping away the tears from her eyes as they fell.
He sighed, "It doesn't have to change anything."
"It will, though," she insisted. "And you know it. So that's why…"
"It can't happen again," he finished softly. Gulping down the sting of rejection, "Do you regret last night?"
"No," she said firmly, providing him with a slight sense of relief. He could tell there was more concerning her than the possible damage to their friendship, and he wished to press her more.
But he didn't want to scare her off. Not when she'd given him the chance to remain close.
He hadn't been refused entirely, hadn't turned him away after his cold treatment, he reasoned.
That was enough for now.
He laced his fingers with hers, and they basked in the nearness. Things would be different from then on, of course. But he wasn't ready let her go now. He couldn't.
OOO
A/N: *Ahem* Well, that took a turn in a direction I wasn't sure would happen for at least a few more chapters. But there it is. I hope you guys enjoyed it. As always, thank you for your patience! See you in the next chapter!