Finding Your Balance

Monika sat in the back of the computer lab. Her green eyes reflected in the screen of her laptop as she logged into it. She wasn't exactly sure why she chose the computer lab. While it was indeed the place to do research, research wasn't really the thing Monika had planned to do. She didn't even need to use the school computers, yet she sat at a table in front of one. She had moved its keyboard aside so she could set her own laptop down in front of her. Upon logging in, Monika was greeted by her neatly organized desktop. Folders ranging from school subjects, to personal writings, and even piano music. They all looked relatively normal, except for one. Monika took a hesitant breath before clicking on the folder that was simply titled 'files.' Monika could barely remember the day when that folder had suddenly appeared on her computer. Though she remembered it was some time during the fall semester, a little after Natsuki joined the Literature Club. Monika didn't like to think about it. This was because the discovery of that folder on her computer went hand in hand with a much bigger discovery. However, she remembered this discovery as clear as day. She had been laying in bed one night, about to fall asleep, when suddenly she felt as though she was pulled from a dream. She hadn't even fallen asleep, yet it felt as though she had just woken up. And that was when the existential thoughts started. They flooded her body, mind, and soul with the seemingly unreal knowledge about her reality. That was the first time in a while that Monika had cried. She remembered hugging her pillow tightly and sobbing like a child, desperately trying to cling to any amount of comfort that she could in that moment. Her whole world had quite literally been crushed. And to this day, Monika still didn't fully believe that her entire universe was nothing more than zeros and ones.

A shaky exhale escaped Monika's mouth as her laptop's screen displayed a small list of folders centered around the game. Nothing looked out of the ordinary so far, so she clicked on the folder labeled 'characters.' As usual, Monika was met with four files named after herself and her three friends in the Literature Club. However, the club president's eyes suddenly widened as she noticed that Sayori's character file had been replaced by an entire folder that was named 'sayori. chr.' Wasting no time, Monika clicked on the folder and opened it. Once again, she was met with a list of files, only this time they all pertained solely to Sayori. At the very top of the list was Sayori's standard .chr file. But below that was a list of add ins, and just by looking at some of their names, Monika could tell that they were the work of a third party.

"Agemod. rpa?" Monika read the name of one of the files aloud. The girl sat back in her chair, dumbfounded. She knew by the file's name that it was some sort of age modifier. Though that wasn't what confused her. What she couldn't understand was why someone would want to add something as dumb as an age modifier to the game. What was even the point? Regardless of the reason, Monika knew that it was the cause of Sayori's sudden regression. Or at least it had to be part of the cause. So, she double clicked the modifier file in an attempt to open it. Her laptop made a blunt sounding ding as an error message appeared on the screen. It read 'You do not have permission to edit this file'. Monika's brow furrowed at this. She tried double clicking the file once more. Once again, her computer dinged, and the error message popped up for a second time. "Why don't I have permission to edit this?" Monika thought aloud. She had never been denied access to any of the game's files before. In a last-ditch effort, Monika right clicked on the age modifier file. She felt a bit uneasy as her cursor hovered over the delete option. Regardless, she took a small breath before clicking it. But to the girl's dismay, the error message was displayed for a third time. Why would someone do this to the game? Why would someone do this to Sayori? Monika rested her elbows on the desk and buried her face into her hands, letting out an annoyed sigh. She rubbed her temples a bit before looking back at her computer screen with a small look of sorrow. Were her and her friends really just play things? Was that all they were good for? A small lump formed in Monika's throat at this thought. She quickly shook her head to try to make it go away. She didn't want to believe it…

Yuri had gone to the school's library to look for a couple books for an upcoming assignment. Though this was only after she had asked if Natsuki would be okay with watching Sayori on her own briefly. Sayori sat on the floor near Natsuki, who was sitting against the wall near the closet, reading a manga. She looked at the pieces of paper and her box of crayons blankly. Her mind was clouded with thoughts. No matter how hard she tried, Sayori couldn't shake them away. So instead, she just sat in silence as she let her doubts consume her. Regardless of what Monika had said, Sayori still felt a great deal of remorse for what had just transpired with her. She was the vice president of the Literature Club after all. She was supposed to be helping Monika, not making more work for her! The toddler hugged her knees to her chest in an attempt to find comfort. Though nothing could clear the dreary fog from her mind…

"Why can't I ever do anything right…?" She thought to herself. "I couldn't even use the bathroom without being an inconvenience. I even made Monika deal with the mess I made…" The more Sayori let her mind run, the worse she felt. Without thinking she grabbed the box of crayons from the floor, opening it and pulling the black crayon out. She set the box aside before she started to mindlessly scribble on the paper. "I'm nothing but a burden to everyone. I always make everyone have to put up with me…" Her grip on the crayon tightened a bit as her mind kept spewing thought after thought. The crayon scribbles started to get darker as she pressed the crayon harder against the paper. "I don't do anything for them. I'm just an annoyance." Her grip tightened even more around the crayon. Her eyes started to brim with tears. She kept scribbling. "Everything would be better if I just disapp-" The crayon suddenly snapped in Sayori's hand, crushed by the strain of her thoughts. Sayori let out a choked hiccup, as the crayon pieces fell from her hand. She felt mentally exhausted and she just wanted it all to go away.

"A-Are you, like, okay?" A voice asked. Sayori looked over at Natsuki, who was now looking between her and the piece of paper that she had scribbled on. She had a subtle look of worry on her face, though she masked it mostly with curiosity. Though deep down Natsuki cared deeply about her friends, she always had a hard time expressing it. So instead, she usually relied on keeping her hot-headed side up front. Sayori just gave a silent nod, though Natsuki could see the look of despair in her eyes. Without a word she closed her manga after making a mental note of the page she was on. She set the book aside before standing up and walking away. Sayori's heart sank at this, and all she could bring herself to do was curl up with her knees to her chest in an attempt to keep her face hidden. She stayed in this position as another wave of negative emotion threatened to cause devastation. After hearing the metallic rustling of tinfoil, Sayori suddenly heard a blunt voice speak to her.

"Here." The toddler slowly brought her face from her knees to see Natsuki on her knees in front of her, avoiding looking at her. Her face held her trademark look of feigned indifference as she held out her chocolate and strawberry cupcake, offering it to Sayori. "And in return, you can read Parfait Girls with me," Natsuki said. Sayori slowly took the cupcake, taking a small bite of it before starting to stand up. "I was gonna come to you!" Natsuki quickly stated. Though in reality she just didn't want Sayori to have to stress about the situation more. Before Sayori could respond, Natsuki quickly added. "I-It's not a big deal alright?" She quickly brushed any cupcake crumbs off her hands before she collected the manga she had been reading. She sat back down against the wall before scooting over so that she sat next to Sayori. She opened the volume of Parfait Girls to the page that she had been reading a few minutes ago, and she held the book to the side just a bit so that Sayori could see the pages as well. Sayori continued to nibble on the cupcake as she started to read, getting frosting all over her mouth. Natsuki subtly glanced in Sayori's direction, getting a faint smile when she saw that her friend was feeling a little better.

It became harder for Natsuki to focus on her manga. Every now and then her eyes would move to Sayori, and a small portion of her heart would melt. Natsuki scoffed internally as she realized that she wasn't getting anywhere in her reading. How the hell was Sayori so adorable? As odd as the thought was, it brought a small sense of pride to the tsundere. For once she wasn't the designated 'cute' one. Sayori remained oblivious as Natsuki was internally fawning over her. The toddler eagerly stuffed the last bite of cupcake into her mouth before glancing up to Natsuki and babbling a muffled thank you with her mouth full. Natsuki couldn't help but chuckle a bit at seeing Sayori's frosting covered face. "Yeah sure," she said in response, before closing the volume of Parfait Girls. Sayori tilted her head a bit as she watched Natsuki hop to her feet. A sudden, needy urge took Sayori by surprise. And for a moment all she wanted to do was reach her arms up towards her petite friend and be picked up. Luckily Sayori was able to suppress this sudden clingy feeling. Mostly that is. As it still resulted in her sitting up and moving to her hands and knees in an attempt to crawl after Natsuki. Looking back at her friend, Natsuki bit her lip as she felt a knot in her stomach. Her sour persona was weakened in an instant as she saw Sayori wanting to crawl after her. And after accepting her defeat, Natsuki walked back over and scooped up her friend with a smile.

"I was just gonna grab something to clean the icing off your face," Natsuki said. "Though I suppose you can come along for the journey." A giddy squeal of glee bubbled up from Sayori's throat as she felt a wave of happiness wash over her. Natsuki was practically beaming as she retrieved the diaper bag from the front desk of the classroom. She then returned to her corner by the closet and sat back down. She sat Sayori down in front of her before she started to rummage through the bag, eventually pulling out the tub of baby wipes. "I dunno why Monika didn't just use these earlier. It's much easier than getting paper towels from the bathroom." After retrieving a wipe from the tub, Natsuki carefully started cleaning up the icing from around Sayori's mouth. Sayori stayed surprisingly still as Natsuki wiped her face. She wasn't exactly fond of feeling the cold wipes against her face, but at the same time she didn't want to trouble Natsuki anymore than she already was. "Alright, you're clean," Natsuki declared, with a small chuckle. She then gently sat Sayori in her lap. Without thinking, the tsundere gave Sayori's nose a gentle boop. Sayori was both taken aback and overjoyed at the same time. This sudden wave of emotions translated to the toddler letting out a squealed laugh as her legs kicked a bit, playfully. That was the final straw for Natsuki. After an intense battle between her caring side and her apathetic mask, the pink haired girl fully caved under her adoration. Sayori let out a sudden squeal of laughter as she felt Natsuki's hands start to mercilessly tickle her tummy.

"H-Hey!" It was all Sayori could think as she squirmed in Natsuki's lap.

"Tickle monster's got ya! What ya gonna do now huh?" Natsuki announced, grinning playfully. Sayori continued to laugh and squirm as Natsuki continued the impromptu tickle torture. Her adult mind was feeling just as giddy as her toddler body in that moment. Eventually though, the tickling ceased and Natsuki gave Sayori a genuine smile. "Alright, I think you've learned your lesson," she said, jokingly. The 'lesson' that Sayori had to learn wasn't exactly clear to Natsuki. She just felt that she had to somehow justify the act of tickling the adorable toddler in her lap. Sayori on the other hand could see right through this. Despite her aloofness, the girl wasn't always as clueless as people made her out to be. She stuck her tongue out and blew a raspberry up at Natsuki, giggling at her own boldness. Natsuki bit her own lip a bit, blushing a bit a as she chuckled. "Alright, alright, maybe I'm not completely heartless." She then blew a raspberry back at Sayori. "Just don't let it go to your head, okay?" The toddler giggled at this. With Sayori still in her lap, Natsuki plucked her manga back up and opened it to where she had left off. As the playful adrenaline wore off, Sayori found herself struggling to keep her eyes open. She could hear Natsuki's heartbeat as she leaned back against her. Natsuki didn't mind this at all. She kept her smile as Sayori eventually drifted to sleep with her own thumb in her mouth.

Yuri entered the classroom sometime later, holding a couple books in her arms. Upon entering the room, her eyes immediately fell on Natsuki and Sayori. Natsuki sat cross-legged on the floor with Sayori slumped in her lap. The toddler had her thumb in her mouth as she slept peacefully. Natsuki had also fallen asleep. The volume of Parfait Girls lay open on the floor next to her, as if Natsuki had dropped it when she dozed off. Seeing this, Yuri bit her own lip and thought for a moment before she quietly tiptoed over to her sleeping friends. After making absolutely sure that Natsuki was in fact asleep, the timid bookworm knelt down and picked up the manga at her side. She carefully checked it for creases, seeing as it had been dropped on its pages. After confirming that no harm had come to the manga, Yuri closed it and quietly set it back at Natsuki's side.