What A Smile Can Hide

"U-Um, N-Natsuki?" Yuri squeaked. Natsuki was currently digging around through the diaper bag, looking for something that she could feed Sayori.

"Yeah?" Natsuki responded, looking over to her timid friend. She was a bit taken back when she saw that Yuri's face seemed a bit pale. Not only that but the girl was rapidly twiddling her hair through her fingers as her eyes darted around anxiously. Natsuki tilted her head a bit at this. "You good?" She asked. Hearing this, Sayori turned her attention away from the absolutely delicious looking pudding cup that Natsuki had pulled from the bag, and instead focused on Yuri. The taller girl felt her face flush anxiously as she saw her friends' looks of concern.

"O-Oh! Um, I'm a-alright," Yuri began, trying so hard not to stutter her words more than she usually did. "I-I was just going to ask if you wouldn't m-mind watching Sayori w-while I went to wash my hands." Natsuki's confused expression faded at this, and she gave a nonchalant nod, chuckling a bit.

"I'm not a teacher Yuri, you don't need to ask for my permission to go to the bathroom. I appreciate the heads up though." Yuri felt her face flush once more, though this time it was more so from embarrassment. Why had she even needed to ask? Her mind was so good at overthinking things.

"O-Oh, right," Yuri said, with a half-hearted chuckle. "I-I won't be gone for too long." And with that, she left the clubroom.

"I hope she's okay…" Sayori thought to herself. Being a master at masking her own sadness meant that it was easier for her to notice when others did it too. Though these thoughts were quickly put aside as Natsuki pulled a plastic spoon from the diaper bag.

"Okay, Monika might have been dumb enough to let you try to feed yourself last time, but I'm not dumb enough for that," the tsundere stated, with a joking smile. Sayori couldn't help but giggle a tiny bit at this as she pouted playfully. It was then that Natsuki noticed something sticking out from the diaper bag, and she got a small look of surprise. "Oh, sweet, even better!" She said, as she retrieved the cloth object from the bag. Before Sayori could even get a questioning look as to what her friend had found, Natsuki was already wrapping it around the vice president's neck. "There," Natsuki stated, as she fastened the bib's button. "This way we won't have to worry about your uniform getting dirty." Sayori glanced down at her chest to see that she was now donning a baby blue bib. The words 'Bundle of Sunshine' were printed on the front of it in a big, babyish font. Sayori got a faint blush at seeing the bib, but deep down she knew it would be better to have it than to risk getting pudding on her blazer. Applesauce was one thing, but Sayori knew that pudding stains were difficult to remove. "Bundle of sunshine? Heh, that actually fits you well," Natsuki said, chuckling a bit as she peeled the foil top off of the pudding cup. She scooped up a small bite of the chocolatey goodness with the spoon and offered it to Sayori, who happily opened her mouth to accept it. The toddler couldn't stop herself from letting out a giddy coo at the taste of the pudding. It was no mystery that chocolate was one of Sayori's top favorite things. She kicked her legs out happily as she savored the taste, earning a faintly adoring smile from Natsuki.

"Jeez, you got it on the bib already," Natsuki said with a teasing chuckle. Sayori glanced down at the bib as her pink haired friend prepared another spoonful of pudding. Not only was there already pudding dribble on the front of the bib, but Sayori could also feel that it had gotten on her chin. She frowned a tiny bit as she realized just how much of a mess she was making.

"S-Sorry, I'll try to be a bit cleaner," she thought. Natsuki was quick to catch her frown though, and she gave the vice president a reassuring smile, her tiny fang showing as she did.

"Hey, it's no biggie. You've got the bib, so clean up won't be so bad, okay?" She said, before offering Sayori another spoonful of pudding. "For now though, you've got a pudding cup with your name on it." Sayori's frown slowly faded at this statement, and she was soon back to gleefully eating bites of pudding as her clubmate fed her. And with Sayori's eager enthusiasm towards chocolate, it wasn't long before Natsuki was scraping up the last bit of the pudding cup's contents. "Feeding you is pretty easy honestly," the pink haired girl said with a confident smile. "I'd take it over another diaper change in a heartbeat." Sayori let out a small giggle at this. By now the toddler looked as though she had gotten at least a third of the pudding cup down the front of her. Her chin was covered in it, and there was a good amount of it around her mouth. Heck, she had even managed to get a bit of it on her nose somehow. The bib wasn't in much better shape either. But regardless of it all, Natsuki continued to smile as she offered the last spoonful of pudding to her toddlerfied friend. "Alright, last one," she said. As Sayori savored the last bite of her snack, she felt a sudden tickle in her nose. But before she could react her body drew in a sharp breath, and she sneezed. In an instant the pudding that Sayori had in her mouth was inadvertently spewed out, and the pink haired tsundere was caught in the line of fire.

"Agh!" Natsuki exclaimed, her face tightening into a cringe as she was sprayed.

"O-Oh shoot! I'm sorry Natsuki!" Sayori thought, biting her lip as she gave an apologetic whimper. Natsuki gave a small grumble of disgust as she wiped a glob of pudding from her cheek.

"B-Bless you…" She said. She then reached into the diaper bag and retrieved the tub of baby wipes, popping it open and grabbing a couple. After cleaning the remainder of the pudding dribble off of herself, she gave Sayori a tiny smile, chuckling a bit. "J-Jeez, a warning would've been nice," she said, jokingly. Sayori met her gaze with a timid look of apology, sheepishly poking her index fingers together. Natsuki just rolled her eyes, chuckling. "Well, if you wanna make it up to me, next time try to aim for Yuri if she's here," she snickered. "Anyway, time for cleanup." She then reached around and undid the bib from around Sayori's neck, being careful as to not get anymore pudding on herself. The vice president felt a wave of exhaustion wash over her. How on earth was she so tired? She had taken numerous naps throughout the day it seemed, yet her energy only seemed to last a fraction of the duration it usually would. The vice president gave a tired coo as she absentmindedly rubbed at her eyes a bit. "Naptime, eh?" Natsuki commented, not missing a beat. Sayori just gave a sleepy nod in response as Natsuki began to gently clean the pudding from her face.

Monika poked her head into the Literature Club classroom. As much as she disliked traveling back and forth from the computer lab, she wanted to make sure her friends were doing okay during her absence. Upon looking in, Monika noticed that Natsuki was once again reading. She sat against the wall in the closet as her eyes jumped from panel to panel of her manga. Monika quietly made her way over to the girl.

"Hey Natsuki, how-" Monika's sentence was shut down as a pair of annoyed magenta eyes scowled up at her.

"Keep it down will ya?" Natsuki hissed, keeping her voice at a whisper. She then lowered her manga a bit to reveal a slumbering Sayori sitting in her lap. Monika couldn't help but crack a small smile at this.

"Sorry," she whispered. Natsuki exhaled a sigh through her nose as her eyes darted back down to her manga. Though they quickly shot back up at Monika as the tsundere recalled something.

"Oh, and quit moving my freaking manga!" She added, still keeping her voice low. Monika gave the girl another apologetic look before she spoke.

"Sorry, I keep forgetting you can't reach them on the top shelf."

"I-I can reach them! It's just annoying!" Natsuki snapped, speaking a little louder than she had meant to. Both the girls' attention was brought to Sayori as she shifted a bit in her sleep as though she were about to wake up. "Crap," Natsuki muttered, before reaching into the pocket of her blazer and retrieving the pacifier she and Yuri had found in the diaper bag. She carefully placed it in Sayori's mouth. The toddler's squirming slowly stopped as she began to suck on the pacifier, and soon enough she was sleeping soundly once more. Monika couldn't hold back her adoring smile. And Natsuki's response to her was simply to bite her lip and glare up at the club president. Every fiber of her being wanted to shout 'It's not cute!' However, she was forced to suppress the urge as to not wake the sleeping vice president. Monika couldn't help but chuckle, though she then got a quizzical look as she realized that Natsuki had had a pacifier on hand.

"Where did-" she was cut off once again.

"Well after 'Miss Vice Prez' here had an accident, Yuri and I had to change her. We found the pacifier in the diaper bag." Natsuki explained, still keeping her voice low. Monika bit her lip at this, recalling the emotional rollercoaster that Sayori had gone through after she had had her first accident.

"O-Oh. D-Did everything go okay?" She asked. Natsuki gave a wave of her hand, as if to dismiss any worries that the club president was displaying.

"Well duh," she began. "It was a little rocky at first, but Yuri and I handled it." Monika bit her lip harder as she had another realization. Yuri… The shy bookworm was practically infamous for cracking under too much pressure. And when she cracked, her choice of a coping mechanism was, well…

"W-Where is Yuri?" Monika blurted the question out without thought. Natsuki scoffed as if she were about to make a wise crack, however she suddenly got a small look of surprise as she realized Yuri hadn't yet returned from the bathroom like she had previously mentioned.

"Huh, good question," the tsundere started, a very subtle look of worry in her eyes. "She mentioned going to the bathroom to wash her hands after we finished changing Sayori. But that was like… twenty minutes ago…" Monika's heart sank.

"I-I'll go see if I can find her…"

The door to the girls' restroom swung open, and Yuri stepped inside. Her school shoes clicked faintly against the tile floor as she walked over to the row of sinks. The tall girl let out a small, hesitant sigh as she looked into the mirror. Rather than looking at her reflection, her lavender eyes looked past it, focusing on the reflection of the bathroom door as if she expected it to fly open at any moment. After taking a moment to decide that the coast was clear, Yuri turned on one of the faucets. She wasn't exactly sure why she and Natsuki hadn't just changed Sayori in the bathroom. It was much more sanitary, and it would have allowed Yuri to wash her hands immediately after the fact. Regardless, Yuri took a breath before she timidly rolled up the sleeves of her blazer. She was greeted by the familiar sight of scars running across her forearms. Her raccoon stripes. Yuri avoided looking at her wounds as she ran her hands under the faucet. It wasn't as if she liked having so many scars. To her they were just a minor consequence. Despite not wanting to, Yuri let her mind wander as she rubbed her soap covered hands together. Truthfully, she had just come to the bathroom in order to take a mental breather. She was still quite shaken up from Sayori's emotional episode. Not that Yuri blamed the toddlerfied vice president, as she would've probably cried too had it been her on the changing mat instead of Sayori. Yuri quickly shook this thought away as she tried to redirect her focus to the task at hand. And speaking of hands…

Yuri glanced down at her soap covered palms as she bit her lip in dismay. She had been autonomously scrubbing them together for nearly four minutes while she had been letting her mind run. And now that they were slightly raw, they were sending small signals of pain in an attempt to get Yuri to stop. With a shaky sigh, the girl ran her now-sensitive hands under the faucet to rinse them. The water had remained ice cold regardless of the temperature it had been set for, and Yuri bit her lip harder as the resulting twinge of pain sent an uncomfortably familiar shiver up her spine. The raccoon beckoned its paw…

"I-In four, out four," Yuri thought, turning the faucet off. She inhaled for four seconds as she retrieved a paper towel, and then she exhaled for four more as she began to dry her hands. Yuri turned to the mirror and gazed at her reflection, as if silently asking it for advice. Though the pair of lavender eyes that gazed back at her offered little reassurance; rather they held a pleading look to them as if they were asking her for permission. Yuri's breaths quickened slightly as she turned away from the mirror, once again attempting to find a distraction. But the raccoon whispered its sweet nothings, latching onto her temptation and fueling it with promises of teeth gritting satisfaction. The bathroom door was no more than five steps away. All Yuri had to do was leave. But no matter how many times she told herself to start walking, her feet refused to comply. Yuri put a hand on her forehead, shutting her eyes as she forced herself to attention.

"Y-You do not want to," she mumbled to herself. "Y-You are going to exit the bathroom a-and walk back to the clubroom." Upon opening her eyes, Yuri gazed down at the scars on her arms. She had always had mixed feelings about her stripes. Most of the time she felt ashamed of them, though this was mostly when she was in the presence of others. They were another reminder of how she wasn't 'normal.'

There were occasional days where she would spend the evening crying in her room because of them. Though Yuri knew these days occurred more often during the summer months. For Yuri, going out during the summer was a whole ordeal in itself, and it was usually accompanied by the constant fear of the makeup coming off of her arms. Long sleeves weren't typically an option when it was warmer, so Yuri had become an expert at masking her scars in a shameful routine involving foundation and concealer.

Then there were the really bad days when Yuri felt a twinge of pride from her scars. When they more so resembled medals of bravery rather than the consequences of her shameful addiction. The last time she felt this way was when her cat had passed away a few years ago. Eighth grade was cruel enough on its own, but the sudden loss of who Yuri considered to be her closest friend at the time had sent the shy girl into a hauntingly depressive state. She didn't like to think about that time in her life.

A defeated sigh escaped Yuri's lips, though truthfully it was coming from the raccoon. In those moments of recollection regarding her scars, Yuri had managed to deafen herself to the beast's tempting influence. She gazed back up at the mirror one final time, and her reflection gazed back with a hint of sorrow in its eyes. It's lips suddenly curled into a small smile as Yuri felt a wave of relief wash over her. The raccoon had lost interest for the time being.

The door to the bathroom suddenly swung open with such aggression that Yuri leapt in surprise, letting out a high pitched cry as she was startled away from the mirror. She whirled around to face her unannounced guest, quickly hiding her arms behind her back as she did.

"M-M-Monika!" She squeaked out. She felt her face flush a dark red as she realized how much she had risen her voice. It took every ounce of inner strength for her to resist the urge to cover her mouth in embarrassment. Instead, she kept her arms tucked behind her as she subtly started to inch the sleeves of her blazer back over them, hiding her scars. She couldn't let anyone know. Especially Monika of all people.

But Monika did know. Monika knew all too well. And the club president's heart hurt so much that all she wanted to do was throw her arms around her friend and give her endless support and comfort. But she couldn't… After all, Monika wasn't even supposed to know about Yuri's habit. She wasn't supposed to know about Sayori's depression either, or Natsuki's home life. So instead, Monika did what she always did. She ignored it all and acted as though nothing were wrong. It was an act that felt as horrid as choking herself to death, and Monika tried her best to ignore the stabbing feeling in her chest that came from it. The lump of guilty despair in her throat that constricted her neck so much she felt as though it would snap. It was a pain she wouldn't wish on her worst enemy…

"Oh! I'm sorry Yuri!" The club president chirped, as if nothing were wrong at all. "I-I had just finished up a bit more research and decided to take a bathroom break before heading back to check on you guys." Yuri's lavender eyes did all they could to avoid Monika's gaze as she finally managed to roll her sleeves back down.

"O-O-Oh, I-I see." She stammered. Her hands shook as she played with her purple hair nervously. "W-Well, um, I-I'm going to go see how Natsuki is doing." Without another word, Yuri hurried past Monika and walked out. The bathroom door closed with a small thud, and Monika exhaled as she struggled not to break down.