Seeing Your Reflection

"U-Uh… H-Hey Yuri…" Monika's voice sounded more like nervous mumbling. Yuri on the other hand was currently more anxious in this moment than she had been all day. And given how she'd been spending the last few minutes, that was certainly saying a lot. Still holding her steadily dripping arm over the toilet bowl, Yuri glanced back down at the package of gauze that she held in her other hand; the same hand that wielded the now slightly bloody pocket knife.

"I-I…" Yuri's voice was hushed as she spoke in a tone similar to that of a child who had been caught doing something bad. "I-I… Y-You, uh…" Her vocal cords shook violently from her anxiety as she was overturning her entire vocabulary in her scramble for the right words. What even were the right words in a situation like this? Were there even any to begin with? Yuri fumbled with her pocket knife, hastily closing it and slipping it back into the pocket of her blazer.

"I-It's okay, take your time," Monika said, making sure to keep the reassuring tone in her words. "Th-Though, um, could we maybe talk about it…?" Yuri's voice caught in her throat at hearing Monika's question. In that moment all she wanted to do was to curl into a ball and vanish. This wasn't supposed to happen. No one was supposed to know about her habit; her raccoon. The club president worked to keep her composure calm and collected as she patiently waited for Yuri to process everything. However, her attention was suddenly drawn to the sound of Yuri's stall door being unlocked, and what she heard next surprised her quite a bit.

"Y-Y-You c-can come in…" Yuri stammered; her voice sounded strained as if she was fighting off tears. "I-I'm just getting myself p-patched up."

"O-Okay." And with that, Monika took in a silent breath, steeling herself before she made her way to Yuri's stall door and gently pushed it open. Yuri faced the toilet as she stood. Her shoulders tensed up drastically as she felt the club president's presence behind her. Monika noticed how the girl's hands shook as she was attempting to open the package of gauze while also keeping her right arm over the toilet bowl. "Would you like some help?" Monika kept her soft tone as she asked this. Yuri froze at this question, a fresh wave of anxiety coursing through her. She felt faint as a panic attack threatened to take hold of her. Her whole world was practically crumbling at the seams, and her head spun in the midst of it all.

Monika was somewhat startled as the girl in front of her suddenly collapsed under her buckling legs. Her purple hair briefly flying up from the updraft as she fell to her knees. Her body shook violently as she attempted to suppress her hiccupped sobs, though eventually one managed to escape as it squeaked through her vocal cords. Taking a small breath in, Monika slowly knelt down behind Yuri. She carefully placed her hands on the girl's shaking shoulders, keeping her fingers loose and gentle, which was muscle memory from her many hours of piano practice. Monika was a little surprised at her own actions. She was never really good with handling issues regarding social conflicts. Though deep down a part of her knew that this wasn't her acting out of leadership. No, this had been an act from the heart; empathetic in its entirety.

"I-I understand you," Monika said, her voice hushed and gentle. "I-I understand how it feels when it seems like you don't have control over anything in life… I know how scary it is, and I know it can drive you to do a-anything to feel some sense of control again." Yuri's sniffled hiccups seemed to become a bit quieter as she listened to Monika's words. Her lavender eyes burned from the shame filled tears that spilled from them, much like the blood spilling from her arm. She felt Monika's hand shift towards her arm, and she fought the urge to pull it away as Monika spoke once more. "You're not a bad person for this, Yuri," the club president said. "I don't think any less of you. And I promise, I'm not just here out of pity for you." Monika gently placed her hand on the package of gauze that Yuri held, though she made no motion to take it from her. Yuri's fingers instinctively clutched the box tighter. Though after a couple of seconds they relaxed once more, and the purple haired girl gave a small nod.

Understanding the signal, Monika slowly took the package from Yuri's hand and opened it. All the while Yuri continued to face away from her, feeling too ashamed to even look at the girl who was now examining the fresh cuts on her arm. Monika hummed softly as she began dressing the wounds; pulling a roll of medical tape from her jacket pocket and using it to secure the gauze in place. All the while she could sense that Yuri's breathing was gradually becoming steady, aside from the occasional squeaked hiccup. Yuri herself had managed to ease out of her overly anxious state. Her mind felt slightly numbed from emotional exhaustion, so she just focused on Monika's humming. Not the dull stinging of her wounds, nor the occasional ripping of medical tape. Just the absentminded humming that came from the club president. Yuri's hiccups gradually eased; the day felt normal once more…

"There we go," Monika said, a gentle smile on her face as she closed the box of gauze. She placed her hands onto Yuri's shoulders once more, giving them a gentle, reassuring squeeze.

"Y-You d-don't have to…" Yuri's voice trailed off as she struggled to come up with the right words. But Monika understood.

"I'm not here because I feel bad for you, Yuri. I'm not here out of pity for you. I'm here right now because you're my friend. Not just my classmate, not just my club member, but my friend. And I never want my friends to have to feel like they're alone…" Yuri's shoulders eased slightly as Monika spoke, and both girls remained silent for a few minutes. The only sound present was the barely-audible buzzing of the air conditioning.

"U-Um…" Yuri suddenly spoke up. "…C-Could you maybe… h-hum again? …P-Please?" The purple haired girl felt her cheeks flush a bit as an ache of regret resonated in her chest. Had she really just asked that? How on earth could she be so childish?

The gentle sound of humming pulled Yuri away from her negative thoughts. And although her cheeks burned with embarrassment for a few seconds, she couldn't help but feel at ease as she listened to Monika's tune. It wasn't uncommon for the club president to break into a hum every now and then. It was a habit that Yuri had become aware of throughout her time in the Literature Club. It wasn't exactly triggered by anything, rather it was just something Monika did when she was focused. And that was exactly why Yuri found it so comforting. To her, it was a telltale sign that everything was as it should be. So, she listened for a while; silently taking in the feeling of everything being how it should be…

"I-I think I feel better now," Yuri eventually spoke. Her voice was calm and collected once more, and her body no longer shook. "U-Um, thank you…"

"Of course," Monika chirped, albeit a little too enthusiastically. In reality the club president felt overwhelming relief at the fact that she had helped Yuri. The guilt that she felt about being too scared to alter the game files was slightly lessened. Yuri didn't seem to mind the enthusiasm however. Instead, she carefully rose to her feet, with Monika standing up behind her. The shy bookworm slowly turned and faced Monika, and though her eyes were still slightly red, they held a calm look to them.

"U-Um…" Yuri began. Her eyes moved to the floor as she conjured the correct words. "W-Well, I've come to notice that y-you've um… never been the b-best with um… social conflicts…" Yuri quickly bit her lip before she sheepishly added. "I-I'm sorry! I-I didn't mean for that to sound so r-rude…" Monika gave the girl a gentle smile, a small look of defeat in her eyes as she nodded.

"No, you're right." She began. "I've always sucked with conflict." Monika gave a small chuckle, hoping to keep the good mood. Yuri couldn't help but smile a tiny bit as she pondered her next sentence. Though said smile suddenly faded as she spoke.

"I-I'm curious as to… um… as to how you act so casual about this." She made a small motion to her bandaged arm. Monika's smile faded as she bit her lip, and she took a moment to think back to one particular night in her life. The memory stuck out in her mind like a sore thumb. "I-I'm sorry if that question made you u-uncomfortable," Yuri stammered. Though Monika shook her head before she took in a breath.

"R-Remember how I said that I know what it's like to feel as though you have no control in your life?" The club president asked. It was as though she and Yuri had suddenly switched minds, because now it was Monika who anxiously played with her hair as Yuri's lavender eyes were fixed on her curiously. The club president's perfectionist mind was screaming at her to stop talking before it was too late. But despite it all, Monika was determined to try to be vulnerable this time. She wanted Yuri to see. She wanted Yuri to know she wasn't alone. The purple haired girl gave a small nod in response to Monika's question.

"Yes, I can recall that," she said.

"I-It wasn't a lie…" Monika stated, her emerald eyes meeting Yuri's lavender ones. "There was a time in my life where I felt like nothing mattered. A-As a matter of fact, I still feel that way occasionally." Yuri's eyes widened ever so slightly at Monika's words; nevertheless she remained calm as she let the girl continue. "I-I've learned to cope with it. F-For the most part at least. Though…" Monika paused as she gazed down at her own hips, and Yuri could recognize the glint of shame in her eyes. "When I first started having these kinds of thoughts, I felt… really lost. I-I felt terrified, and I guess one night it all became too much…" Monika hesitantly reached down to the right side of her pleated skirt. She bit her lip as she carefully lifted the fabric, exposing the upper part of her right thigh.

Yuri quickly covered her mouth in a failed attempt to mute her squeak of surprise. Monika's upper thigh bore seven slanted marks that ran across it in different spots. Yuri immediately recognized them as scars, no doubt they had been the result of a blade…

"M-Monika!" Yuri squeaked, albeit more out of surprise than anything else. Though she quickly covered her mouth after having raised her voice. Monika bit her lip harder as she let go of her skirt, letting it fall back over her thigh and covering up her scars once more. Yuri became a bit regretful at this. "I-I'm sorry!" She blurted out. She hadn't meant to make Monika feel bad. "I-I'm just quite surprised. I-I had never expected someone l-like you to… u-um…" Monika shook her head once more, giving Yuri an empathetic smile despite the blush of shame in her cheeks.

"I-I get it," she said. "How can someone as 'perfect' as me do something like that? E-Even if it was only once, the scars never seem to fade." Yuri bit her lip as she gave a somber nod in understanding.

"Th-They are quite hard to rid of completely… Th-That's why I hate myself for w-what I do… I-It's like it is forever part of me now. I-I've convinced myself that it's the only thing I can truly control about myself, and yet the scars are proof that not even that is true…" Monika gently took Yuri's right hand into her own.

"I-I want you to know that you are never alone, Yuri," she said. Yuri looked up at the club president. Monika continued. "No matter how out of control everything feels, and no matter how much it may seem as though the world is collapsing. You are not alone." Yuri looked to the floor. Monika continued. "I-If you ever feel overwhelmed, please don't hesitate to reach out to me. I-If you're comfortable that is. I-I just don't want you to have to feel alone anymore…" Monika's eyes widened slightly as she suddenly felt a pair of gentle arms wrap around her, pulling her into a light yet sincere embrace. Yuri let out a shaky sigh as she felt Monika slowly return her hug.

"I-I'm sorry…" Yuri began. "I-I just… I…" After struggling to form a sentence, Yuri decided to just say what she was thinking. "Th-Thank you…" Monika couldn't help but get a smile as she felt Yuri's hug tighten just a bit. "T-Truly, thank you…"

"There's gotta be something fun in here…" Natsuki said. Sayori sat on the teacher's desk and watched as the pinkette continued to rummage through the contents of the diaper bag. She had already pulled out a handful of toys, though all of them were meant for toddlers. The desk was littered with various items such as baby blocks, little wind-up toys, a couple toddler books, and even a small raccoon plush. "Oh hey! This could be fun; I think I had one of these when I was a baby!" Sayori watched as Natsuki pulled what looked like a plastic crocodile out from the bag. Its back was lined with different colored xylophone keys, and in its mouth, it held a plastic mallet. Sayori got a small look of intrigue as she started to open the plastic jaw of the crocodile to retrieve the mallet. Meanwhile Natsuki just continued looking through the bag. "Jeez, it's like this thing is endless or something. How can so much stuff fit in it?"

"Oh hey! A ukulele!" Sayori thought, watching in delight as Natsuki pulled a ukulele out from the bag. The toddler gave a small squeal of glee as she giddily reached for the mini-instrument. The tsundere couldn't hold back a chuckle as she handed the ukulele to the vice president with a smile.

"Oh yeah, I forgot you play the ukulele," she said, recalling one such club meeting where Sayori had brought her own ukulele in to try to provide atmosphere. Though since that day, Sayori hadn't made mention of it again. Not because she was bad however. Heck, even Natsuki herself had admitted that Sayori was pretty damn good at playing it. It was more because Sayori preferred to spend her club time either writing poems or assisting Monika in preparations.

Natsuki continued to look through the bag while Sayori began to clumsily strum at the ukulele. Though it wasn't long before the pink haired girl noticed something that made her raise an eyebrow.

"Huh? What's with this cup?" She questioned, pulling said item from the bag. Sayori glanced up from her strumming to look over at the cup that Natsuki was now holding. It was a standard sippy cup, having a transparent purple cup and a solid lavender lid with handles that extended down to its sides. Though what had both girls confused was not only the color, but the pattern on the cup. The transparent plastic sported a white flower pattern that looked oddly fancy to be on something like a sippy cup. Natsuki just gave a small shrug as she set the cup aside on the desk. She went back to digging through the diaper bag, trying her best to ignore the concerning thought that now occupied her mind. Sayori studied the sippy cup as an uneasy feeling bubbled up in her head. Neither girl wanted to mention it (or in Sayori's case, babble about it), but that cup looked like it was meant for someone else…