Bakugou could only sigh at the endless sheets of white with pencil scrawled across each one peering into his soul. He was exhausted from spending his entire day at the desk in his dorm to study for his midterms.
Suddenly, his phone rang.
Eh? Bakugou wondered while fumbling for the phone in his pocket. Icyhot?
Before Bakugou could open his mouth, a familiar voice frantically huffed, "F-Fuyumi, I'm sorry… I…didn't mean to do this. I'm so sorry. I'm bleeding a lot, and I-I don't know what to do, but I… Ah. Bakugou, forget you heard any of this. I'm so sorry. I—"
Bakugou felt his heart sink into the acerbic depths of his soul as he interpolated, "Hey." Like a gruff growl of thunder, his voice rippled through the air. "Don't hang up. Icyhot, what happened?" He swallowed thickly.
I have never heard him sound anxious before. What the hell happened?
"It… It's nothing. I'm sorry I wasted—"
"Why are you bleeding a lot?"
"I… Fuck." Todoroki inhaled sharply. "I-I cut…my wrist. I'm sorry… You never needed to hear that." His voice trembled, and it was at a notably higher pitch than usual.
Bakugou's mind melted into a blank, hollow puddle of stupefaction. He'd always pictured that Todoroki's cold nature somehow rendered him immune to any mental health issues. Who, then, had Bakugou come to know as Shouto Todoroki?
What the fuck am I supposed to say?! Bakugou pondered as his pulse quickened. Shit. He didn't call a professional?!
"Icyhot, take a deep breath, and I'll be over there in a minute," Bakugou reassured his classmate. "Don't hang up, all right?" He took a deep breath in and sprinted towards Todoroki's dorm.
"Okay…" Todoroki sighed after audibly inhaling. "I'm sorry you're going out of your way to do this. I made a bad mistake…" His voice was no longer frenetic, snapping back and forth in flickering modulations.
Bakugou jammed his palm against the button in the elevator for Todoroki's floor. "What, did you think I'd just do nothing when I got a call for help? Hero shit aside, you're my classmate and my rival. I ain't losing you. I'm only human." Upon reaching Todoroki's floor, Bakugou dashed down the hallway to locate Todoroki's dorm. "But how're you feeling right now?"
Todoroki exhaled deeply. "Right. Sorry… I'm just…really tired. Out of it… But I'm fine."
That's not a good sign. Shit.
"Don't pass out, dammit," Bakugou muttered. "It'll be okay. I'm here." He rotated the door handle, and the door slid open.
Sitting beside the door with his head resting against his knees, Todoroki's body trembled. His phone that sat face-up on the tatami mats splashed the wall behind him with light. A crimson-stained towel was squashed beneath his left wrist.
Bakugou hung up the phone and knelt beside Todoroki. "Oi." His eyes widened at Todoroki's ghastly face that was drained of all life. "Do you know if it's stopped bleeding?"
"I didn't want to check," Todoroki whispered, burying his chin between his knees. "I…don't want stitches. I don't want to go to the hospital. I don't…want anyone to know…"
It was then that Bakugou realized he could see Todoroki's bare arms, and those arms were bestrewn with countless scars. A serpent of agony writhed in his chest, but he focused his vision on Todoroki's left wrist.
I understand, Todoroki, but it's still fucking sad that you don't want help for this… How long have you been doing this? What makes you feel like doing this to yourself? Fucking hell… But I'm concerned about you, and I don't want to lose you to something like this.
"We'll see what happens, 'kay? But how long have you been compressing the cut for?"
"Maybe…fifteen minutes? I just…saw a lot of blood, compressed it, and panicked when it was still bleeding a lot…a few minutes later… It never seeped completely through the towel when I last checked a few minutes ago."
"Can I lift your arm to see if it's seeping through?"
Todoroki nodded, so Bakugou methodically placed his fingers on the clean patches of the towel and lifted it up. He bit his lip as Todoroki winced, and it wasn't long before Bakugou saw the answer he'd been looking for.
Shit… It's still bleeding. I thought maybe it'd just be a cut that initially spilled a lot of blood and tapered off pretty quickly after that. But luckily, it's not bleeding profusely. It just won't stop bleeding now. To think he did this to himself…
"Oi, I don't think this is gonna stop bleeding on its own," Bakugou sighed dejectedly. "I know you don't wanna—"
Todoroki shook his head. "I'm not going…"
"Todoroki, you're bleeding out," Bakugou reminded his trembling classmate. "Do you wanna fucking die?!" His eye twitched.
"I would rather die than…have anyone know…" Todoroki's voice began to break into hoarse splinters. "I don't care…if I might not even see them again. I-I… It'll…be in my medical history, right? They'll all know… They'll all see…" He shook his head again as a soft sob escaped his lips.
So this is what finally breaks him? Bakugou realized while his chest continued to throb with emotion. I can't say I blame him. He has so many scars… Just how many times has he cut himself? I don't wanna know. But I need him to comply, and I don't want him to panic.
Bakugou let out a long sigh. "I've seen. I know. You were gonna tell your sister anyway, yeah? Todoroki, wouldn't you feel worse if your family found out that this is how you died? If you never got to say any last goodbyes? I know yer goin' through a lot, but try and think about whether or not you'll regret your decisions later."
I need to get him help now, but he's not gonna let me. Shit. What do I do? He's losing more blood with every second that passes.
"I was…just panicking. Being selfish…" Todoroki's breath shook like the leaves on a tree in the autumn. "Why can't…things ever go the way I want? I had it… But my body's final gambit to keep going led me here. It wasn't supposed to be like this… Why am I…so fucking selfish…all the time? My call for help…was just a panicked, selfish mistake." His pale fingers slowly curled in towards his palms.
Bakugou felt the air in his lungs abruptly freeze as he began to unravel what Todoroki had evaded explicitly stating. "What are you…getting at?" His pulse reverberated through even the tips of his fingers.
'It wasn't supposed to be like this…' What was it supposed to be like? Todoroki…
"It doesn't matter."
A vexed sigh fell from Bakugou's lips. "If you're just trying to buy time, I'm gonna see if I can bring you to the infirmary and get Recovery Girl. I'm not losing you, Todoroki." His unwavering conviction burned within his final sentence.
Todoroki's quivering body tensed as he shook his head. "No…" he pleaded in a whisper. "I… I'm not…needed." He swallowed the rest of his sentence.
"What?"
"I just…fuck everything up. I don't deserve this. I don't deserve to be cared about. I don't deserve to be saved. Someone like me…should just disappear…"
I knew it… Damn. Dammit, Todoroki. Was that all intentional? Guessin' so, sly bastard. But hearing him say that…just hurts me. No one should ever have to fucking feel or think like that.
Bakugou's expression sagged under the weight of the atmosphere. "Well, maybe it was fate that took me to you, because no matter how much you wanna die, I'm not gonna let you, dumbass. Nothin' you can do about it now." He cautiously shoveled Todoroki into his arms, but much to his chagrin, Todoroki lurched to the side, toppling out of his grasp. "Todoroki, this is what's the most fucked up! Open your goddamn eyes! Do you see what you're doing to me?! It's fucking killing me to watch you slowly bleed out like this! I can't forgive myself if you die here!"
Todoroki curled up against the wall with his bloodied wrist facing the ceiling. "If it's selfish of me to live…but it's selfish of me to die, what am I supposed to do?"