Disclaimer: I give up on taking these seriously. How are you doing today? By the way, happy 2019 everyone!

Chapter 9: Clearance Sale in Fights

"What if I had two Beam Swords?"

Oblivion groaned before responding, "For the last time Nathan, why would you need another Beam Sword? One works well enough for you."

"Well, yeah." I admitted, "But imagine how cool it would be if I used two swords at the same time. Actually, why stop there? I should wield four at once."

I was walking with Crazy along the path, trying to kill time. After last night's talk with Crazy, I thought that I should back off a little from talking with her because she didn't seem comfortable about talking the curse that made her into a hand. Therefore, I began to talk to Oblivion, mentally of course. Also, he gives much better reactions.

"There are several things wrong with that. How would you wield four Beam Swords at once? Wouldn't it have been more logical if you said three swords instead of four? Also, you're not coordinated enough to dual-wield even two swords effectively!"

"What are you smiling about?"

"Huh?" I looked up. Crazy was walking backwards and was waiting for my response. I was about to tell her but I remembered that she wasn't supposed to know about Oblivion so I told a half-truth. "I was thinking of a joke."

"If it's funny enough to have you splitting your face with a grin for five minutes, then do tell," Crazy said.

"What would happen if I could wield four swords at once?" I asked.

"I don't know. What would happen?" She waited a couple of moments for my response before realization crossed her face. With a disappointed sigh, Crazy did a slow facepalm, "You don't have a punchline. That's not a joke, that's just a really dumb idea."

"What do you mean?" I tilted my head, a bit confused. I thought the idea of me trying to use four swords was funny. Isn't the whole point of a joke to be funny?

"Let me tell you a joke. A guy walks into a bar. He says ow."

My response to her amazing and brilliant joke was summed up into four words. "I don't get it."

"What do you mean?" Crazy asked, astonished, "It's funny because you think he's walking into a place where he can get something to drink but he ran into an actual bar."

"That's still not funny," I remarked. Thankfully, before this cringy conversation could dragged out longer, we got interrupted.

"Autoreticle!" a women shouted as lasers were fired towards us.

I jumped back, dodging them but I felt a slash across my back and I went flying. Turning to face my opponent, a teenager with red hair, blue bandanna, a flaming sword and blue armor and cape.

"Geez! How young is this guy!" I shouted, blocking a sword swing on my own blade.

"Roy's 15," Crazy calmly informed me as she dodged more lasers. The lasers were being fired from a staff that a green-haired woman in a white dress was holding. Strapped to her left arm was what looked like a mirror shield and floating behind the was a glowing circle with lines to the sides.

"Wow, she's pretty," I muttered under my breath. I was answered with a slash to the gut.

"How about getting less distracted by Palutena and more focusing on Roy," Oblivion suggested. "Remember what I taught you."

I tried to remember what Oblivion had taught me but there is a major difference between practice and when you have adrenaline. I decided on a simpler option. Pulling out the Steel Diver, I shot at Roy's feet, breaking his sprint and landing on the ground. Before I could keep attacking, I heard Palutena shout behind me, "Explosive Flame!"

The air in front of me exploded, forcing me away from Roy. I felt something crash into my back and we fell into a massive pile on the ground.

"Ow," Crazy groaned. "How about we switch opponents?"

"Definitely, I would love to punch Palutena in the face for that last attack." Untangling myself from Crazy, I rushed at her while dodging more autoreticles. My initial slash was blocked by her shield and she jabbed me in the stomach with her staff. While recovering from her counter, two feathery wings sprouted from her back and slammed together, with me squarely between.

"Are you just winging this fight?" Oblivion remarked as I was sent flying. Aiming carefully, I fired torpedoes at Palutena who responded by throwing up a forcefield. The torpedoes bounced off and went back at me. Dodging, I rushed again at her. "All you can do is just run at your enemy and swing your sword. Doesn't that get boring?"

"That's kinda my only option at this point," I muttered, sidestepping another Explosive Flame. "She can reflect my projectiles so I have to get closer."

However, once I was able to get closer, she vanished. Turning to find Palutena, I saw that Crazy defeated Roy with a headshot, making the young swordsman fade into smoke. "Is the battle over? Where's the spirit then?"

Crazy glanced around before her eyes widened, "Behind you!"

I turned just in time to get hit in the face with another autoreticle. Apparently, Palutena can teleport. I screamed, "This is too annoying to deal with! Crazy, please tell me you have something to help."

"I think I do." She dug around in her bag before pulling something out and placing it in my hand. It was one of the nuts I saw in her bag yesterday.

"Do I eat this?" I wondered. How do nuts help us kill Palutena?

Crazy gave an exasperated sigh before explaining, "This is a Deku Nut. It explodes with a big flash when it breaks and that disorients anyone close to it."

"So I don't eat it. Good to know."

Item Acquired:

Deku Nut

Crazy and I shot at Palutena, forcing her to use the Reflect Barrier. Sidestepping the reflected shots, I dashed and threw my sword once I closer. Palutena threw up another barrier which I jumped over and tossed the Deku Nut at her feet.

With a big flash and bang, Palutena was stunned. I kicked her in the back as I landed before swinging to slash at her. However, I only felt air in my hand instead. "Oh, right. I threw my sword."

"Nathan, behind you!" I rolled to the side just in time to dodge a spiked ball shooting through where I was standing previously. Turning, I saw a rather large penguin(?) wearing robes and wielding a giant wooden hammer like Kirby's. Maybe they got the hammers from the same store? "Focus on King Dedede please."

I saw my sword a few feet away and began to run towards it, only to be greeted with a hammer to the face. Getting launched through the air, I felt a rainbow aura engulf me. My Final Smash was ready. Crazy called out, "Use your Final Smash to finish these guys!"

"I don't have my sword though!" I called back, ducking under Dedede's hammer and sidestepping an autoreticle. "I kinda need it!"

Crazy blocked Palutena's wing attack with a shield and shot her, point-blank with the staff and kicked her away. "You have a Steel Diver! Use that!"

"So my Final Smash isn't limited to only my Beam Sword?" I thought, looking at the Steel Diver in my hand. "Nice. Let's do this."

Grabbing Dedede by the collar, I spun and threw him at Palutena before aiming at both of them. I shouted, "Super Shooting: Shark Subs!"

Switching my target to the ground, I fired four torpedoes. Instead of exploding upon contact, the torpedoes dug into the ground and sped off to where Palutena and King Dedede were standing. Truthfully, I just expected them to just explode. Y'know, like how they have been so far. Instead, a massive shark made of fire erupted from beneath the two, biting onto both of them in midair before exploding. Once the smoke cleared, all that was left was two spirits and a bag of money.

It took me a few moments to register what happened before Crazy threw my Beam Sword at my head. "Ow! Why'd you have to throw it?"

She stared at me while collecting the spirits. "Because I didn't want to walk all the way to where you are. Also, you were kinda spacing out."

"Of course I'm spacing out!" I exclaimed, walking over to where she was. "I just shot a fire shark at people! How do we go from shooting torpedoes to FIRE SHARKS?"

"How am I supposed to know? It's your Final Smash," She responded. We took a break for a while, resting from our injuries. It turns out that Crazy was running low on healing items but we heal naturally at a good rate.

While I was laying on my back, watching the clouds go by, Crazy asked a question. "How did you dodge Dedede's Gordo Throw?"

"What do you mean?" I answered, watching a cloud that reminded me of a horse float by.

"After you stunned Palutena with the Deku Nut," she elaborated. "You dodged the Gordo without even turning your head. I didn't say anything to warn you about the attack."

"Well, you see Crazy," I paused. I couldn't tell her about Oblivion so I lied. "I thought I heard something heavy behind me so I dodged just in case."

"I suppose that makes sense," Crazy responded, seemingly satisfied with my answer. "Break's over, let's go."

After a few moments of complaint, we continued on the path, making it to a peninsula. The path went into a circle on the edge of the peninsula, splitting in some areas to lead to a lake, a gate to a small island, and a store. Instead of going to those places, Crazy and I walked to the middle of the peninsula where a tower sat. It seemed to be made of rock and the sides were like a grill so it could be climbed easily. Next to it, another Smasher Statue sat.

Before I could awaken the statue, Crazy stopped me. "Here, take this."

She handed me the boomerang I saw in her bag yesterday. It wasn't too special, just blue with a white stripe on one end. I responded, "Oh? Um, thank you."

Item Acquired:

Boomerang

Walking up to the statue, I checked the nameplate before activating it:

Smasher No. 03

Link

After the wall was set up around me, Link appeared from where the statue used to be. Somewhat taller than Mario, he had slightly pointy ears and was armed with a sword and shield. He had a strange blue tunic and tan pants but most notably was the quiver of arrows attached to his belt and his bow. I threw the new Boomerang, aiming at his head but he deflected with his shield.

Weren't boomerangs supposed to come back after you throw them? Mine didn't, it just flew to the wall and dropped on the ground. "Oh come on!"

Apparently, Link wanted to show off his skills. Pulling out a boomerang, most likely from his inventory, Link threw it before pulling his bow from his shoulder. Knocking the boomerang away with my sword, I watched it fly back to Link just in time for him to hit me with an arrow. Rolling away from Link, I got on a knee and started shooting torpedoes at Link. All of which were blocked by his shield.

"Why is this reminding me so much of the Palutena fight?" I muttered, mostly to myself, as I ran to fight Link at close-range. He put bow away to draw his sword instead and we began to exchange sword strikes. It seemed to be even, with neither of us able to land a hit on the other but Link was definitely better with a sword. I would be moments away from being slashed and I would throw my whole body out of the way. Meanwhile, Link would just block with his shield when I would swing my sword.

The stalemate ended when we locked our swords together. Even with both hands pushing on my sword, Link held his blade steady. I locked eyes with Link's before getting a brilliant idea. Quickly, I headbutted Link. Hard.

He was sent flying away while I checked my forehead for bruising. Then I shot a few more torpedoes while Link was recovering on the ground. Charging at him, I caught a bomb that Link threw at me but he pulled something that looked like a tablet out. He pressed something on it and the bomb in my hand exploded, launching me away. "So the bombs can be remotely detonated?" I thought.

I rolled to dodge another arrow and felt my hand touch something. Looking down, it was the Boomerang. I picked it up and threw it at Link in one motion. Doing a combat roll to dodge the Boomerang, Link ran at me, blocking more torpedoes with his shield. However, right before he was able to slash at me, the Boomerang came back, hitting the back of Link's head. "Gotcha!"

Uppercutting Link in the jaw while he was stunned from the Boomerang, I launched him off the ground before firing at him while in the air. A Link amiibo dropped to the ground with a bag of money. I fell to the ground, screaming, "Thank god! I thought that fight would take forever!"

"You're welcome," Crazy said, as she walked past. Then, she so kindly threw the amiibo at my head, nearly hitting my eye.

"You almost poked my eye out!" I sat up to point at Crazy. "What would have happened if I lost my eye?"

"Then you would get an eyepatch," she stated. "Simple as that."

Grumbling to myself (though an eyepatch would look cool), I began to check out the Link amiibo, which caused another memory to surface.

A lot of stories about heroes were the same. Bad guy does something bad. Good guy beats up bad guy. Good guy marries the princess. Happy ending for everyone. That's how a lot of stories went when I was younger. Black and white was all a child could see.

"Nathaniel, are you reading in class again?"

I guiltily held up a book from beneath my desk for my 2nd grade teacher to confiscate. Another fantasy story about heroes and dragons to be returned to the library after school. I loved those kinds of stories, about far away lands, filled with magic and daring heroes. This specific book was about an evil king that ruled the land and a farmer boy sets off to defeat him after finding a magic sword. That day, where I was caught reading in class for the fiftieth time, was different. It was after school and I was entering the library to return the book. Punishment since it took a week before anyone could read the book after it was returned.

"Are you in trouble again Mr. Nathaniel?" the librarian, Mrs. B, asked. She had one of those long last names that elementary schoolers couldn't remember so we could called her Mrs. B for short. Looking about 60 years old, a lot of students at my school liked her.

"Yes," I responded, a bit despondent. This was one of the few times where I didn't finish the book before getting caught so Mrs. B was in mock surprise over my sadness.

"What are you so sad about?"

"I couldn't finish," I paused for a moment to pull the book out of my backpack, "this one. Now I have to give it to you."

"How about," Mrs. B took the book from me and gave smiled, "I hold onto this and I'll let you borrow it again next week?"

"Really really?" I asked in amazement. I didn't know that librarians could hold onto books!

"Really really," she held out her hand with the pinkie out. "How about we make it a pinkie promise?"

We did and I turned to leave but I stopped to ask a question, "Why is the king evil?"

Mrs. B was a bit confused from my question, asking, "What do you mean by that?"

I pointed at the book I just gave to her, "In the book, the king is a bad guy. Why is he the bad guy?"

She looked at the book in question before kneeling down to be at eye level with me. "Not everyone is good inside Nathaniel."

"But why though? Isn't it better to share? I have to share with my brother and my sister. The king just keeps everything to himself."

Mrs. B sighed from my question, "Because some people would rather be mean to others and be alone than make friends and share things. When that happens, someone who is nice has to tell the bad guy that they're mean. You'll understand that when you're older."

"Okay. Bye bye!" I ran out the door and headed home.

"What was the point of that?" I questioned. Why bother remembering something from when I was 8?"

Crazy snapped from my thoughts, "Nathan! Some assistance would be nice!"

I turned to see Crazy dodging a sword swing from some girl. She wore a tiara atop red hair, a red cape with a red dress and red boots. Admittedly, she would look better if all that red was blue instead. "Focus on fighting Lucina and not criticizing her fashion sense!" Oblivion screamed.

"Oh, right." I shot a couple of torpedoes at her, landing several hits before she turned her attention to me. As Lucina made her way towards me while dodging my shot. I felt for my Beam Sword in my inventory, only to realize it wasn't there and instead about 7 feet away from me. "Shoot! Did I drop it when the bomb exploded?"

I jumped away from Lucina's sword, landing again on the Boomerang. I threw it, knocking into her forehead before returning to my hand. Running at her, I kicked her in the side and threw the Boomerang again. Knocking the Boomerang away, Lucina resumed the charge but got knocked of her feet when I shot at her.

"Let's end this!" I charged after her and grabbed Lucina's collar. Holding her in place, I kept shooting her in the stomach until the fighter crumbled into smoke.

A spirit came out from the smoke and Crazy pulled out the Nintendo Switch to capture it but it flew inside the store. "Get back here!"

I charged inside, only to hear, "Hello! Welcome to Anna's Emporium. Can I help you find anything?"

"What." Behind the counter in front of me was a woman with red hair pulled into a ponytail. She wore mostly red with yellow. I heard Crazy enter behind me with the same stunned reaction that I had.

"Ah, hello Crazy Hand. Here to make another purchase?" The woman greeted Crazy, gesturing to a display counter full of various items. "Maybe you can introduce me to your friend?"

"Neil, this is Anna," Crazy said. "She's a merchant. My brother and I would contact her for some items to use in tournaments."

I nodded before turning to Anna, "Ms. Anna, did you happen to see a floating rainbow ball come in?"

"That was me," Anna said. "Thanks for getting me out of that body by the way. How about I give you a discount for that?"

I turned to Crazy but she gestured that she'll explain it later. With that, I decided to take a look at some of the stuff Anna was selling while Crazy talked to her. There was some bunny hoods, banana guns and what looked like a katana. I felt myself drooling a little as I stared at it. Maybe I could start dual-wielding if I bought it. "Hey, Anna? How much is the sword?"

"The Killing Edge is about 20,000 gold," she answered, turning her attention to me.

"Does that include the discount?" I asked.

Anna just winked and put her finger to her chin, "I was joking about the discount, honey."

I turned to Crazy to ask about how much money we had but she cut me off, "Sorry, I just used most of gold to buy more food. We didn't even have enough to buy the sword beforehand."

We left the store with Anna calling behind us, "Thank you and don't forget to come again!"

Save File 2: Saved

Party: Nathaniel, Oblivion(?), Crazy Hand

Items: Nathaniel-Beam Sword, Steel Diver, Boomerang, Banana Peel

Crazy Hand-Staff, Deku Nut x2, Green Shell

Smashers: Mario, Link, Kirby, Villager

Author's Theater:

MG: *runs by screaming with an enormous pile of books*

Nathaniel: What's up with him?

Crazy: He goes back to school on Monday.

Nathaniel: Ah. *turns back to card game with Crazy* I play Exodia The Forbidden One.

Crazy: This is poker.

Nathaniel: So?

Crazy: Fine. I give up. *walks off*

Nathaniel: I can't believe my usual tactic of being annoying worked. *looks back at MG* No wonder some of the chapter felt a little rushed.