Rayna
She had asked Bucky about Deacon's potential manager, since it was someone she'd not heard of. Bucky didn't know a lot either but did find out that she was mostly repping new artists and was having success with several of them.
"She's got one of Edgehill's new artists, Jameson Hill," he told her.
"How many is she working with? I'm worried Deacon may not get enough attention if she's working with too many," she said. Actually she wasn't sure how she felt about him working with a female manager at all, although she certainly trusted him.
"Not many right now. I think, because she's working with artists who don't have a lot of traction, they're doing a lot of what Deacon's doing now, playing anywhere they can. Jameson's deal with Edgehill has a publishing component to it since he's mostly been a songwriter. She's been getting him better visibility for sure. And now that Deacon's getting a little more buzz she can probably do the same for him." He gave her an encouraging smile. "His label isn't as involved as Edgehill is, so having a manager could be very beneficial for him."
"Okay. Thanks, Buck." She bit her lip. She had a weird feeling about this, but with nothing to hang her hat on, she decided to let it go for the time being. Besides, she was in the midst of the house move and that was taking up any free time she had after rehearsals for the tour. Deacon would be home in 2 days and they'd have time to talk about it then.
Deacon
He was driving across town. He'd gotten in late the night before and had crashed in the bed. He hadn't seen Maddie yet and the only reason he'd seen Rayna was because she was awake when he got home and in bed with him afterwards. She had left him with a pot of coffee and a note saying she and Maddie were at the new house. It was when he got up that he'd seen that most of the furniture was gone and there were boxes everywhere. The couch in the great room and the beds were practically the only furniture left.
He headed out towards the west side of Nashville, approaching Belle Meade. That was where Rayna had grown up and lived until that night she knocked on the door of his sad little studio apartment. She'd been there many times during the few months they'd known each other. They'd written songs there many afternoons after she got out of school. It was where he'd tried to teach her to play guitar. She'd gotten marginally better, but it would never be her instrument of choice. It's why I have you, she'd always told him, with a cheeky smile. It was also where, one magical afternoon, he'd made love to her the first time. Her first time. It was the place where they'd grown together, so quickly and completely that it might have taken their breath away if they'd not known it was inevitable.
He'd been surprised then that she'd chosen this house, which looked to him like a mansion, as their family home. It wasn't nearly as big as other homes in the immediate area, but it was definitely stately. She liked to say it was just outside of Belle Meade, although they both knew that wasn't really true. It was on the edge, yes, but the truth of the matter was that it was in the place she'd said she'd never live again. And yet here they were. He turned on Belle Meade Boulevard and then skirted around Percy Warner Park. The house itself was well back off the street and surrounded by a gated fence. With the leaves off the trees, it was pretty visible from the street. In spring and summer the multitude of trees would keep it more hidden. Rayna liked the privacy and seclusion of it – he did too, truthfully – but she saw something homey in it that he did not. He was already missing the little cottage in Edgefield, but Rayna did deserve something better.
He opened the gate and then drove down the gravel drive, parking under the portico. He got out and went around to the kitchen door. When he opened it, he saw Rayna pulling things out of a box in the kitchen. He started to walk towards her but then a squeal rang out and he turned.
"Daddy!" Maddie shouted. He smiled and squatted down, letting her run into his arms. He stood up with her, hugging her tight and breathing in her clean body smell. She put her hands on his face and kissed him on the nose and he laughed.
"Hey, baby girl," he said.
Maddie frowned. "I'm not a baby!"
He glanced over at Rayna, who was smiling, then back at Maddie. "I'm sorry. My big girl."
She threw her arms around his neck and hugged him. "I miss you, Daddy," she said softly.
He felt the hint of tears in his eyes. He missed her when he was gone. She was such a bright light in his life and he couldn't imagine her not being in it. As terrified as he'd been in the beginning about being a dad, Maddie had been so easy to love and it had made him glad every day that he'd made the commitment to stay sober so that he could be in her life. She wriggled in his arms then and he set her down on the floor, then walked over to Rayna. He pulled her into his arms and kissed her deeply, glad to see her again too. "Hey, baby," he whispered in her ear. Then he kissed her again.
"Hey," she said, smiling up at him.
He let her go then and leaned on the counter, looking around. He turned his head back towards her. "You really sure we need all this?" he asked.
She made a little bit of a face. "Maybe not, but I love it, Deacon. It's got so much space to spread out in and for Maddie to run around in."
"Maybe too much space," he said.
"I think when you see it with all the furniture in it, you'll change your mind. Plus there's the music room." She gave him a little vixenish smile. It wasn't really yet a music room, but he saw Rayna's vision and had to admit that was the room that intrigued him the most. Somewhere to display his guitars, Rayna's gold and platinum records, awards, and maybe someday a studio. It was every country artist's dream to have an in-home studio to record in, even if it was just demos or scratch tracks.
"I guess," he said. He walked around the island. Their dining table was in the dining area, but it was swallowed up by the size. A couple of their chairs were in the den area, but nothing else. "When will all the moving be over?"
She walked over to him, sliding her arm through his. "Within the next 2 weeks. We have tenants moving in" – they had decided to rent the cottage – "in a month and I want to be sure we're out before then. With rehearsals and all that going on I need all this to be done." She moved to face him, putting her hands on his waist. "Can we talk about what's next for you?"
He put his hands on her shoulders, kneading them gently. "I'm going back out Thursday," he said. That was 3 days away.
She sighed. "For how long?"
This was the part he didn't want to get into, although he knew he had no choice. It definitely messed up her schedule. "Well, until I gotta start rehearsing for Toby's tour."
She screwed up her face. "But you'll be doing what you're already doing, right?"
"Yeah, but I'm gonna have some back up."
"You mean like a band?"
"Kind of. A couple other guitar players. I'm gonna be up on a big stage, Rayna."
"I realize that. I guess I hadn't thought about it." He couldn't tell what the look on her face meant. Then she smiled. "That's good though, right?"
"That's what I hear." He wondered if she really thought that.
She was sitting on the bed smoothing lotion over her arms and legs. He was lying on his side watching her. "So tell me more about this manager you have," she said, not looking in his direction.
He frowned. "I think I told you everything, Rayna. She heard my record, saw me perform, asked my label if I had a manager, and then offered to be mine."
"And you feel good about her? About what she can do for you?"
"I wouldn't sign with her if I didn't think she could help me. Isn't that kind of how it was when you signed with Bucky?"
She looked over at him then. "Well, sort of. But Watty recommended Bucky to me."
"But he was still pretty new, right? That what you're worried about?" He paused. "Or that she's a woman?"
She rolled her eyes. "That's not what I'm talking about, Deacon." She went back to smoothing lotion on her legs. "A manager is a great person to have. I just hope she does right by you."
He turned to lie on his back. "I ain't worried about it, Ray." She didn't say anything else, just finished what she was doing. Then she slid her legs under the sheets and pulled the covers up. He could see that her eyes were open, but she still wasn't saying anything. "This is good for me, Ray. All of it. And you're gonna be fine too."
She turned her head to look at him. "I just thought we'd always do this together. Maybe I was wrong to think that, because I know you wanted to do your own thing but, you know, the music isn't the same without you."
He turned towards her again. "Baby, we can still make music together. Maybe we aren't always on stage together but it don't mean we can't write or nothing."
She sighed. "It just feels like we're going in different directions."
Rayna
She felt bad that she was struggling with the reality that Deacon might leave her, at least professionally. So much of who they were was tied up in the music they made together, though. Not just the writing of it, but the performing of it too. Somehow she felt like that would get lost, no matter how much they promised each other it wouldn't. But it felt bigger than that somehow, although she couldn't put her finger on why she thought that. I feel like I'm losing him altogether.
He'd made love to her, more than making up for falling into a dead sleep the night before. It had been raw and rough though. She had almost felt like he was angry with her, as he pushed and thrust into her aggressively. He wasn't even looking at her, just concentrating on pounding into her as hard and as fast as he could. Then he spread her legs wider and leaned down, taking her breast in his mouth, sucking hard on it, then moving to the other. Finally he focused on her nipples and she could no longer focus on anything except what he was doing to her. Between him grinding into her and roughly sucking on her nipples, she suddenly came explosively, pushing up with her hips, shouting out his name. He pushed into her one last time, crying out incoherently, and spent himself inside her. He collapsed on top of her, breathing heavily. They lay together for a long time before he finally moved away.
They didn't do this often. It was usually after a big fight, allowing them to get their emotions out. They hadn't really had an argument, so she thought it was just the time apart. But she was really too tired to think about it. She rolled towards him and he put his arm around her, holding her close, until they finally fell asleep.
It was still dark when she slowly opened her eyes. Deacon's fingers were lightly stroking the insides of her thighs. When he saw she was awake, he moved on top of her, and then he made love to her tenderly and slowly, making up for the franticness of earlier. She was a little sore where he had roughly taken her the night before, but this time she just felt loved. His mouth captured hers. His fingers moved all over her skin. And when she finally had built up to orgasm, she was almost surprised when they came together, holding each other tightly, kissing each other feverishly.
They fell asleep again, her in his arms, and she sighed contentedly.
She woke to Maddie's insistent cries for Deacon. The sun was streaming through the windows. When she turned her head to look at him, his eyes were twinkling and he was smiling. He leaned down and kissed the tip of her nose. "I guess I'm being summoned." He got up and pulled on a pair of jeans and a flannel shirt as she watched him. He turned back. "I love you," he said.
She smiled. "I love you too." Then he walked out of the bedroom, heading for Maddie's room.
"I'm coming, Maddie," she heard him call out. She rolled onto her back, closing her eyes, and smiling to herself. Deacon was home, they were together, and life was good.
Deacon
He wasn't sure what had come over him the second night he was home. Rayna hadn't said anything the next day about how rough he'd been with her. He loved her with all his heart. She was his one true love, the woman he was meant to always be with. But as supportive as she'd sounded about him pursuing his own career, sometimes it seemed like it was just inconveniencing her and he wasn't sure what to make of that. He met with Rita the day before he had left the last time to find out what exactly her intentions were with respect to promoting him and her plans for his career.
He slid into the booth opposite her at the Hermitage Café, thinking she looked out of place. She was dressed in a suit with her hair pinned up, which wasn't necessarily uncommon at breakfast time, but this was after lunch and it was probably more her demeanor than anything else that made her look slightly uncomfortable. She had coffee and the server who appeared at the table the second he sat down poured him a mug as well. He pulled the menu over. "You want anything?" he asked Rita.
She gave him a tight smile. "No, I'm fine with just coffee," she said.
He looked up at the server. "I'm good," he said, and she left. He looked at Rita expectantly.
"So you're back out tomorrow," she said, a statement not a question. "I'm already scouting places that will take you up to the tour with Toby. I'm still hoping, once they see you, they'll extend the 6 weeks to longer." She frowned. "What's wrong?"
He hadn't realized he'd given any indication that something was wrong. "Um, well, you know, Rayna goes out first of May and I'm supposed to tour with her until I hook up with Toby."
Rita gave him a strange look. "I thought you were trying to start a solo career, Deacon."
"I am. But that was kind of the deal we had."
"I thought I'd made it clear that we were going to focus on promoting you. If you're not available, how am I going to make this work? And what message does that send? Are you starting a solo career or are you still in Rayna Jaymes' band? You can't do both."
He had a gnawing feeling in his stomach. "She's working on a fill-in, so maybe just the one month?"
"Your record is starting to sell. I'm getting interest from bigger clubs. I've got feelers out everywhere with bookers. I can't just shut everything down for a month." She crossed her arms on the table and leaned forward. "How invested is Rayna in your career?"
"She totally supports me."
"Then don't you think she'll understand? If she wants this for you, she'll understand that you need to be all in on it. And she needs to be all in too." She tilted her head slightly to one side. "I need to know if you really want this, Deacon. Are you really prepared to do what it takes to get where you want to be? I know you had to have gone through this with Rayna when she was starting out. You know how much work and focus it takes. If this is just a lark for you, I need to know."
He frowned and shook his head. "It ain't. I do want this. It's why I came to Nashville. I want to perform. Sing my songs. All of it."
Rita gave a tiny shrug. "Well, then, I think you need to truly make the commitment. Did Rayna go half-ass? Did Bucky let her do that?"
"No." He was feeling a little pissed off, both at what Rita was saying and thinking about how Rayna was going to react.
"You need to cut the cord, Deacon. Stop riding on Rayna's coattails."
"I ain't doing that!" He slammed his fist on the table.
"Sure seems like it to me." She leaned a little closer. "Tell her you can't do her tour. I'm making it my job to get you in front of as many people as possible the balance of the tour season. There are always opportunities to jump on a tour, even for a few weeks. I know you know that already." He did. It had happened to Rayna many times. And he did know what it took to gain traction. He'd been there with Rayna every step of the way. It required dedication and a single-minded focus. "And you also need to ditch the Rayna and Deacon songs from your set list. Focus on your music."
Rayna's songs were his songs too, but he understood what she meant. He breathed in deeply. "Okay. I'm in."
She smiled. "Good. I will see you in St. Louis and give you the rest of the dates until June." She slid out of the booth then. She looked down at him and put her hand on his arm, squeezing it gently. "We're going to be a good team, Deacon. I'll get you where you need to go."
As he looked up at her, he felt like there was more to what she was saying than what was on the surface, but he didn't know for sure what that meant. He just nodded and she let go of his arm and walked out of the diner. He turned and watched her over his shoulder as she walked out. He had an unsettled feeling, but he thought it was probably because he'd have to tell Rayna the new plan. She would not be happy.
"So you're not going out on tour with me at all," she said. "That's what you're saying."
He was a little surprised that she hadn't blown up, but maybe it was because Maddie was in the room. "Well, at the beginning of it, I guess not," he said. "I'll be there after the Toby deal is over. But you know how this is, Rayna. When you're trying to make it as a solo artist. You gotta do what you need to."
"Oh, I remember. But this is kind of late notice, don't you think?"
"You were already working on it though, right?"
"Actually I haven't approached anyone yet. I thought I had until June." She was mad. He got it now. She wasn't going to go crazy right then, but she would. Later.
Rayna
She came into the bedroom and changed into her sweats and a t-shirt. Deacon was already in bed. He was leaving in the morning and his guitars and bags were out by the front door. She'd avoided him most of the day and when she couldn't do that, she said little to him. To his credit, he didn't say much to her either. She barely glanced at him as she walked around to her side of the bed and got in, pulling the covers over her. She turned on her side facing away from him.
After a minute, she felt movement in the bed and he put his hand on her arm. She jerked it away. "Don't," she said angrily.
"What the hell, Rayna," he said, sounding pissed. "I'm leaving tomorrow."
"Yes, you are," she said. "Probably good for both of us."
"So you don't want me doing this. That what you're saying?"
"I didn't say that, Deacon." She stopped. She didn't really want to get into it with him again. "I just don't want to talk about it anymore. I'm tired."
"Rayna..." His voice trailed off. She heard him sigh angrily, then move away from her. He turned out his light and the room went dark.
When she woke up the sun was shining. She was a little surprised she actually got any sleep at all. She'd been awake long into the night. She knew Deacon had too, but they both were too stubborn to even try to bridge the divide between them. She instantly felt bad about that. It was one of those unspoken things, that they didn't go to sleep mad or disconnected. Their whole lives together had been volatile in one way or the other, but that volatility often was born out of stubbornness and passion. They'd had angry fights with slamming doors, stomping feet, loud words, and more, but the love underneath it all never allowed them to let things simmer. But this had.
"Deacon," she said and turned over. She was surprised to see an empty bed. Then she felt panic. He was leaving that morning. What if he left without saying goodbye? It made her heart hurt and she threw back the covers and sprang out of bed, running for the bedroom door. She threw the door open and ran out of the room, desperately looking around the great room and then heading for the kitchen. She stopped, closed her eyes for a second, and flattened her palm against her chest. He turned towards her. She felt tears rising up but she willed them back. "I thought maybe you'd left already," she said.
He frowned. "I wouldn't have left without letting you know," he said.
She shrugged. "Well, things weren't really in a good place, you know, last night."
He walked around the island and stood in front of her. "No, you're right. They weren't." He reached out and gently tugged at a strand of her hair. His voice softened. "But I wouldn't have left without saying nothing." Then he pulled her into his arms, holding her close. She felt the tension start to melt away and she wrapped her arms around him. She felt him press his lips against the top of her head and she squeezed her eyes shut against the tears that threatened to spring up.
"I'm sorry," she murmured against his shirt. "I shouldn't have turned away."
He sighed. "We're gonna need to figure this out, Rayna. But it's gotta wait 'til I get back." She looked up at him. "This is important to me. You know that. I want to try to do this. I need to try to do this. I know it ain't gonna be easy, but I need you to let me give this a shot. A real shot."
She opened her mouth to say something, then changed her mind. It wasn't that she wasn't letting him, but it felt like they weren't making these decisions together. But it wasn't the time to start that conversation. He was right, they'd need to do it when he got back home in a few weeks. "Alright," she said finally. "We'll talk when you're home next. I don't want you to leave with things like this between us though."
He kissed her hard. "I don't either, baby." He breathed out. "Maddie's still sleeping if you want to..."
Her heart started pitter pattering. "We probably need to be quick," she said.
He took her hand. "We're wasting time standing here talking."
They hurried to their room, closing the door behind them. They frantically undressed and then tumbled into bed. Without any preamble, he thrust himself deep inside her, and she caught her breath. There had been no time to adjust, but she quickly fell into a familiar rhythm with him. Even when they were fighting, it never took long for things to heat up for them and this was no exception.
He tangled his fingers in her hair and looked down at her as he drove into her with increasing momentum. It didn't take long for her to feel the pleasurable spiraling sensations that she knew would expand and grow. She parted her lips slightly, feeling like there was a haze around two of them. He leaned down and captured her mouth with his own, kissing her hungrily. She wrapped her legs around his back, pulling him closer to her and, it felt like, even deeper inside her. He slid one hand in between them and as soon as he touched her, she felt like she had exploded in a shower of stars. She could feel herself floating as though she was settling down to earth, the powerful feeling inside her seeming to last forever. As she finally seemed to bottom out, she felt his own forceful orgasm as he drove deep inside her one last time. He finally released her lips and then collapsed against her, breathing heavily. She held him close, letting her legs drift down until they reached the bed. She stretched them out against his, holding him tightly inside her.
After a moment, he raised his head up and then gently kissed her. "I love you so much, Rayna," he murmured.
She used her fingers to push back the hair along his forehead. "I love you too," she said quietly. Then he lowered his head onto her shoulder and they just held each other close. Finally he got up and off the bed, reaching for his clothes. She watched as he dressed. "I've always got your back, Deacon," she said then.
He turned to look at her. "I know that," he said. "I do." He leaned over the bed, balancing himself with his hands, and kissed her. "I'm gonna check on Maddie."
She watched him walk out of the room and then she sighed deeply. They knew each other so well. One of the things about having practically grown up together. They could read each other like a book. He was pushing the boundaries, this she knew. He wanted to give this a shot and she understood that. But she had truly never thought of them as going in different directions and she knew it was something she would have to figure out how to deal with if this went the way he was hoping it would. What she didn't know is what it would mean for them. They'd followed a single path for all these years – what would happen when that changed? Deacon was still an alcoholic. He may have stayed sober far longer than he ever had, but could he do it on his own, without Maddie and her being close by. It would be easy for him to veer off the path when things got hard, which they probably would at some point, or they didn't work out quite the way he wanted. That's what she worried about and was why she felt reluctant to let go completely.
She sighed again and got out of bed. I've got to figure this out. She went to the closet and found a pair of jeans and an old flannel shirt of Deacon's and got dressed. When she opened the bedroom door, she could hear the voices of her husband and their daughter in the kitchen. She hoped it was things like that that reminded him of what he'd fought for.
Deacon walked down to his truck, carrying Maddie on his hip. She followed behind them. As she always did, she felt a mix of emotions concerning his leaving. She was excited for him, hopeful that the stops he made on this leg would be great and that he'd feel encouraged. But she also worried about him, the way she always did. She worried that things wouldn't go well and that he'd get frustrated and angry and that it would lead him to bad behavior. She trusted him, she really did, but he was still an alcoholic. Would always be an alcoholic. And because it had been so difficult for him to overcome those demons, she knew it would be all too easy for him to fall back into that black hole. And then the other part was that she knew she would miss him. She would miss him preparing for the upcoming tour with her. She would miss being able to talk to him about things. She would miss him in their bed at night.
When they got to the street, he turned towards her. She smiled at him, hoping she looked encouraging. She didn't want him leaving thinking she was unsupportive. Maddie's face was buried in his shoulder. "We'll miss you," she said. She reached out for Maddie and he tried to hand her over, but Maddie gripped his neck.
"No, Daddy, don't go," she wailed, although it was somewhat muffled from her face being against his shoulder.
He gave her an apologetic smile, then turned to Maddie. "Sweetie, I'll be home before you know it," he said. He put a finger under her chin. "I'll call you, sweet girl."
"It's not the same," she said with a teary pout. She put a little hand on his cheek. "I don't like you leaving me."
She swallowed over a lump in her throat. I feel the same way, sweetheart. He kissed her on the cheek and handed her over, although Maddie didn't make it easy. She kept trying to cling to him and fought being handed over. "Maddie, honey," she whispered soothingly to her daughter, trying to calm her down, but the little girl started to cry. Deacon looked distraught. He stepped over and kissed Maddie on the cheek.
"I love you, baby girl," he said, sounding like he wanted to cry himself. Maddie turned her head. Then he looked heartbroken.
She put her hand on his cheek. "She'll be okay," she said.
He sighed deeply. "I hate leaving her," he said. "And you too."
She smiled, hoping to look encouraging. "I know. We hate it when you leave too. But you're chasing your dream and we support you."
He leaned in to kiss her. "I'll call tonight." He put his hand on the back of Maddie's head. "I'll talk to you tonight, sweetie," he said. She didn't acknowledge him. He sighed again. "I love you, baby," he said, kissing her again. "I love you too, Maddie." He kissed the top of Maddie's head.
"Be safe," she said. He nodded. He started for the truck, then turned back and put one arm around her, holding her close. Then he let her go and walked to the truck, got in, and turned on the ignition. She stood on the sidewalk, still holding Maddie, and watched as he pulled out and then headed down the street. She stood there for several minutes after he was no longer in sight, then turned and walked back up the steps to the house.
Deacon
He got to St. Louis in plenty of time for his show, so he went ahead and checked into the motel that was not far from the club. When he opened the door to the room, it was like most of the rest of the motel rooms he stayed in. It was clean, but the furnishings and the carpeting were cheap. The bathroom was serviceable and the room had a little mini-fridge and a small microwave, something that was nice but that he doubted he'd use. It definitely was not like the places where he and Rayna stayed these days. This was like the places they had stayed in when they were young and just getting started, although some of those were not even as decent as this room.
He closed the curtains on the window and turned on one of the bedside lamps. Then he sat on the bed closest to the door. No, Daddy, don't go. He pinched the bridge of his nose, trying not to cry. Maddie was too young to understand. From the day she was born all she knew was her parents together, on the road together, doing everything together. She'd adjust, he knew that she would, but while he waited for that, it was torture. He put his elbows on his knees and rubbed his face. I'm 33 years old. If I don't do this now, I might never have the chance again. It had been his dream when he came to Nashville, to get noticed as a solo artist and songwriter, sign a record deal, and headline big arenas. He'd gotten noticed enough to get some gigs at the honky tonks down on Broadway and other small clubs around Nashville and the outer suburbs. He did open mics whenever he could, hoping to catch the eye of some label executive. Then he met Rayna. She was just starting out, but he could see she was special. And he fell in love with her too.
He had only been in this part of Nashville once or twice and couldn't remember why that would have been. His old truck looked completely out of place as he passed BMWs and Mercedes vehicles. The cars of the rich, the privileged. He knew he was driving too slow, but he couldn't help but gawk at the mansions that lined both sides of the road. Old houses, he could tell, many set back from the road, some with gates across their driveways. It was the middle of the day though and luckily there weren't a lot of cars on the road. It seemed like it took forever to get to the park but suddenly there it was. He drove through the stone entrance, a gate of sorts, although there were no barriers to entry. He saw the gravel parking lot to the side and drove into it and parked.
When he got out of his truck, he stood there and looked around. It wasn't exactly what he would have expected at a park in the high end part of town, not that he really knew what would be different about it. But it was quiet and peaceful. There was a long walkway of steps and he headed in that direction. As he started up, he saw her. She was sitting on one of the stone walls about 4 levels up. Her hair looked like fire in the bright sunlight. His heart started beating hard. As he approached her, she raised her hand up and smiled. She was wearing a short sleeved white shirt and a plaid skirt, with knee socks and loafers. It reminded him how young she was. 16 years old and still in high school. She looked a lot different than she did at an open mic. Or at a park on his side of town.
"Hey," she said as he approached, holding a hand over her eyes.
He sat down next to her, feeling a little out of place in his old jeans and flannel shirt that was frayed and worn in several places. "Hey." He leaned in for a quick kiss and then sat back, just looking at her.
She smiled, the prettiest smile he thought he'd ever seen. His heart turned over. "I skipped school," she said with a laugh, reminding him that he was way too old for her. "Left at lunch." She put a hand on his arm. "Thanks for coming." She was a toucher, had been from the time he'd met her. A touch to the arm or maybe to the knee. Sometimes a light arm squeeze. Or her small hand in his larger one. It always made him quiver inside when she touched him.
He looked around. "I never seen anything quite like this." He liked to write in the parks near where he lived, on the other side of the river, but this one seemed so...refined or something.
She shrugged. "Just a park." She touched his arm again. "I'm so happy to see you."
He smiled back at her. "Me too." This thing between them – whatever it was – was still pretty new. He felt nervous around her, although he wasn't sure why. Maybe it was because he knew she lived here, in this wealthy part of town, and she was way over his head. Or it was because he'd fallen in love with her almost the moment he first saw her. Probably both. He thought she'd probably laugh that sexy, throaty laugh she had if she knew he was already in love with her.
"So what did you think about the lyrics I gave you?" Right then he noticed that she seemed a little nervous too. She had her hands all twisted up in her lap. She bit her lip and he thought she looked like a kid. Then he wondered again what he was even doing with her.
"They're good. Real good. I'm working on a melody for 'em," he said. They'd started to try writing together, feeling it out, seeing how it went. He'd always written his own songs but he'd helped her a little, because she'd asked, and it had felt kind of organic. Plus it meant they could spend time together.
She nodded and smiled. "Thanks." Then she held her hand over her eyes again and looked at him intently. "Do you ever think I'll get the hang of this, Deacon?"
"Hang of what?"
"All of this. Songwriting, singing, performing."
He smiled. "I think you already do got the hang of it."
She smiled sweetly but shook her head. "I don't know. I'm still not that good at writing a song and I sure don't know how to write music. I can't play the guitar really. Maybe nobody will want to hear me sing."
He frowned. "Why do think that? Every time I seen you on stage, you're amazing. And your songwriting gets better every day." He smiled then. "And you got me to play guitar for you. If you want."
She reached for his hand and squeezed it, then leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. She sat back and smiled. "You make me want to believe in myself, Deacon." She sighed then. "I want to be a real artist. Be on stage, like Loretta or Dolly or Reba. When I daydream about it, I can see myself standing on a stage in front of thousands of people, just singing my heart out. You know?"
He nodded. "I do. I think you'll do it, Rayna. You got something really special."
She looked at him intently. "I know you want the same thing."
"I do. But I'll always be there to help you. All you ever gotta do is ask."
She took a deep breath. She was still holding his hand. It felt good to have her small hand in his. "I know we both have our dreams, but I really hope we can live them out together somehow."
For a second, he felt like he couldn't breathe. Deep down inside, something told him that they would travel this road together, somehow, some way. He smiled. "Me too."
He'd always seen himself being a solo act. But then Rayna happened. He had loved her more than he'd wanted to be a star. So she was the star and he was there with her, supporting her on and off stage. As the years went on, if anyone ever asked him if he'd wanted his own career, he'd told them he was happy being with Rayna, and it was true. Getting to be part of her world as she really became that country music star had been great stuff. He didn't need the fame. That's what he told himself and what he told her. But although he'd pushed down his dreams, they'd never completely gone away. He'd turned down a couple opportunities early on and he'd sometimes wondered what he had missed on the path not taken.
He loved Rayna, loved being part of her band. He loved their life and their daughter. But she was the one who'd made all of the decisions in their life together. When he was drinking, it felt necessary to her to do that, and it was probably the right thing to do. But he'd finally gotten sober and been able to sustain it and he was beginning to chafe at the boundaries. She was the star and the boss. She was still making all the decisions. Like that house. Like wanting to put restrictions on how much he could nurture his own career so it didn't interfere with hers. He just needed something for himself. He wanted to be the one with the control. The one making decisions. It seemed only fair.