Deacon
He could see that she was stressed. Not only was she trying to deliver their baby, but he knew his presence was not completely comforting. He wanted to be as supportive as possible, so he pushed everything else out of his head and just focused on her. He took her hand and held it tight. She opened her eyes and looked at him. "We can do this," he said softly. He hesitantly reached over and finally put his other hand on her stomach. He saw her eyes fill with tears. "I know you need me right now and I want to do everything I can to help you get through this.
She squeezed his hand back. "Thank you," she whispered.
"You feeling anything?"
"Kind of. It'll take a minute." Just then she made a little noise, and he felt her stomach get hard, so he knew she was having a contraction. She screwed up her face.
"Breathe, Rayna," he said. He moved his hand then and gripped the side rail on the bed. He watched as she tried to get her breathing right. "You can do it, baby. You can." Her face was red and her skin was damp with perspiration. She looked beautiful though, even in the midst of labor. No matter what else was going on between them, she was working to give birth to their son, and he wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere else.
The epidural had taken hold and she finally was more comfortable. They found a rhythm, with her obviously doing the work and him encouraging her. She was at the point where she only had a couple of minutes between contractions so most of what he was doing was coaching and supporting. She focused on things to get her mind off the contractions, just as she had when Maddie was born. She had just gotten through a contraction when she looked at him curiously. "Your tour is over, right?" she asked.
It took him a second to move his train of thought. "Yeah." He thought about that. It seemed so long ago. "Last night."
"What will you do now?"
"I actually think I'm gonna take a break. Don't know for sure how long, but I want to get to know my son."
She gave him a sad smile. "I want that too. You know you can see him any time you want."
He nodded, although he wanted more than that. He wasn't going to get into it yet, but he would talk to her soon about what he wanted to do. "I know," he said. She tightened her grip on his hand and he could see in her face that she was having another contraction. He frowned. "Does it hurt?" He didn't think it was supposed to, so he was a little worried.
She just concentrated on her breathing until it subsided and then she shook her head. "No, not really, but the pressure is still a lot." She laughed a little. "And he's a big boy too, so this will be different than with Maddie." She was still holding his hand tightly and seemed to realize that, so she eased up. "Do you think he'll like music as much as Maddie does?"
He smiled. "I hope so. I mean, both his parents are in the business. He's kinda inheriting it, don't you think?"
She smiled back. "You're probably right." She looked thoughtful. "Levi is the perfect name. What made you think of it?"
He shrugged. "I don't know. It just popped in my head. Nothing wrong with the names you had, but they just seemed, I don't know, predictable, you know? Levi was different."
She nodded. "It sounds strong." She sighed. "I want him to be strong. Not just physically but character wise. I want him to be sure of himself and always true to himself."
He smiled. "I think he'll get that from his mama."
She smiled a little, but her eyes seemed a little sad. "I think he'll get it from his father too," she said softly. She started leaning in again to another contraction and he focused on helping her get through that.
She was ready. Everything was moving really fast, and she told him it hurt a little bit, even with the epidural. The doctor told her it was probably because he was a big baby and that's when he saw a little bit of fear in her eyes. It was too late to do anything but go through it, but he guessed she hadn't considered that. He'd read enough about childbirth back when she was pregnant with Maddie to know that, as slender as she was, this could be tough. She was pushing a much larger baby out of her. He put his arm around her back and under her other arm, cradling her, and holding her hand, letting her grip it as tightly as she needed to. She was moaning, her face screwed up again, as she pushed.
He'd been afraid to look when Maddie was born, but this time he peered down at what was happening and he could see their son as he slid out of her, her loud groan barely registering. Dr. Hamilton held the baby up as he screamed his displeasure with the whole situation. Even newly born, with all the messy gunk all over him, he thought Levi was beautiful. Or maybe beautiful wasn't the right word, because he was a boy, but he was perfect. His little face was red, his tiny arms and legs waving a little spastically. He couldn't help but smile, even as tears filled his eyes.
"He's beautiful," Rayna said, as she laughed and cried at the same time. He cut the cord, as he had with Maddie, and the nurse laid him on Rayna's chest. He was still crying, although not as loud, as she put her hand on his back and looked down at him. "Oh, my sweet Levi, it's okay," she cooed. "You're here and you're perfect." He quieted down and then looked up into her eyes. She lightly kissed the top of his head. "I love you, baby boy," she whispered. He felt tears in the back of his throat, and he was afraid he was going to embarrass himself by sobbing, so he concentrated on his breathing. Rayna looked up at him then. "Our son," she said with a smile. "He's perfect."
He nodded. "He is," he choked out, then didn't trust himself to say more. He felt so many things in that moment but mostly he just felt love, for his son, but also for Levi's mom.
Rayna
The nurse brought the baby back over, after they'd checked him out and cleaned him up, and put him back in her arms. "He's absolutely perfect," the nurse said, with a smile.
She looked back at her baby boy. He weighed just shy of 9 pounds 3 ounces and he was 25 inches long. He had ten fingers and ten toes and, as they'd already heard, a loud voice, sounding highly annoyed to be thrust out into the world. He had wisps of dark hair on his head and beautiful blue eyes. She took one tiny hand in her fingers and then kissed him gently on the forehead. "Welcome to the world, Levi. You sure took your sweet time about it though." She looked up at Deacon, who smiled proudly. "Would you like to hold him?" she asked. He nodded and she watched as he took their son from her and held him protectively. He kissed him too, on the forehead as she had.
Deacon looked back at her. "He is perfect," he said. She caught the sadness in his eyes, but he smiled. "You done great, Rayna. Just like with Maddie. I'm proud of you." She just smiled. Then his face turned serious. "I'm sorry. Sorry things turned out like this. But I love Levi and Maddie and I'll be a good dad. I promise."
"You already are a good dad, Deacon," she said quietly. "Maddie adores you. Levi will too." He nodded sharply, then walked around the room with the baby. She watched him, wishing that the sight of his new son would have made him realize what he'd walked away from. But he had moved on, that was clear. He was living this new life and seemed to be happy. She'd been angry at how quickly he'd moved on, hurt that it had seemed so effortless for him, and it was hard to get past it.
She'd done this all alone. He hadn't been around to help put the nursery together or to talk about names. He wasn't there the day she found out they were having a son and, because it had hurt so much that he seemed to not want to be around, she had waited to tell him, keeping it to herself for weeks. He'd see her, of course, whenever he picked up or dropped off Maddie. He always asked her how she was doing, if everything was okay, if there was anything she needed, but he'd moved on, in so many ways.
It had hurt the most at night, when she lay in her bed, all alone. As Levi had grown inside her, she missed lying in bed with Deacon, just like they had before Maddie was born, talking about what his life would be like, dreaming of what their family would be like. He would have laid his hand on her belly, feeling their son move and kick, the way she had done all alone. He would have lifted up her t-shirt and caressed her belly and breasts and then he would have made love to her. They would have fallen asleep, him spooning her, with his hand protectively on her belly. She'd had none of that and she had missed it so much. She had needed him, even when she hadn't wanted to. They wouldn't be taking their baby home together, introducing him to Maddie, and then watching their little girl and her baby brother start to get to know each other.
She couldn't believe it had all gone so horribly wrong. But he was here now and he'd helped her get through the worst of it. He'd been kind and supportive and she had appreciated having him there. They had talked together about their hopes and dreams for their son. He had told her that he was both nervous and excited about having a son. He wanted to be a better father to their son than his father had been to him, and he wanted to experience all the things fathers and sons did together and she was touched by that. She felt closer to him than she'd felt in a long time.
He brought Levi back to her, placing him in her arms, just as Tandy and Maddie walked in. "Maddie wanted to meet her baby brother," Tandy said as Maddie ran over to the bed. Deacon stepped in and lifted their daughter up on the bed and Maddie snuggled into her.
"This is Levi, Maddie," she said. "Your baby brother." Maddie reached over and ran her finger down Levi's arm. "What do you think?"
Maddie didn't say anything at first, just looked at him. Then she reached out and gently patted his head. "He's little," she said.
She smiled and looked over at her sister, who had come up to stand beside the bed. "He's a lot bigger than you were, Maddie, but yeah, he is still little." She glanced over at Deacon who was standing off to the side, leaning against the wall. He gave her a little smile and inclined his head, and she knew he was telling her he'd let her spend time with Maddie and Tandy. He mouthed I'll be back and then silently left the room. She felt unexpectedly sad in the midst of all the joy of Levi's birth, but she shook it off and focused back on her new baby.
When Deacon came back, about a half hour later, he asked if he could take Maddie home with him for the night. She looked at her daughter. "Do you want to spend the night at Daddy's house?" she asked. Maddie nodded, looking back at Deacon. She smiled at him. "I guess that's a yes. Will you call Hannah and let her know so she can go home?"
"I will." Tandy stepped aside as he went to pick Maddie up off the bed. "You ready, sweet girl?" It was late, much later than she normally stayed up and she was definitely looking tired. Maddie nodded. He focused back on her. "I'll drop her off tomorrow afternoon if that's okay. Let you get settled back in with him."
She suddenly felt like she wanted to cry, but she knew it was hormones. She nodded, not trusting her voice. He set Maddie on the floor, then walked up to the bed. He put his hand on the back of Levi's head, rubbing his cheek with his thumb. Then he leaned down and kissed her on the forehead. As he stood back up, she reached for his hand. "Thank you," she said. "I'm glad you were here."
He smiled, a little sadly she thought, and nodded, squeezing her hand gently. "Me too." Then he turned. "Maddie, you ready?" He picked their daughter up and after they both waved goodbye, he left the room.
She waited a few minutes, busying herself unnecessarily with Levi's blanket, and then started to cry. Tandy rushed over, reaching for the baby. "Let me put him in his crib," she said, giving her a concerned look. She took Levi to the crib and laid him down, then walked back over to the bed, perching on the edge of it. "I know it's probably been a very emotional day," she said.
She wiped her eyes and nodded. "You could say that." She tried to smile. "At least he was here. And Tandy, he really was sweet to me while we were waiting." Tandy's lips pressed together. "No matter what, he's still Maddie and Levi's father, and we're still going to have that relationship. I know he's moved on and I have to do the same. But we just had this beautiful baby boy together and I'm grateful for that." Tandy didn't say anything, just leaned in and hugged her. It was just what she needed.
Deacon
Maddie was sound asleep almost from the moment he put her in the booster seat in his truck. He hoped now that Levi was here, she'd be excited about having a baby brother. She'd been strangely uninterested in all of it, not seeming to be excited at all when he tried talking to her about it. Rayna told him it had been the same on her end, but she thought Maddie would be happier when there was an actual baby to see.
He glanced at her in his rearview mirror. Seeing Levi being born had been amazing, like it had with Maddie. He was glad he'd been a part of Maddie's life from the beginning, something he probably shouldn't have expected but was grateful for. As anxious and nervous as he'd been with the idea of being anyone's father, he had grown into it. These days he couldn't imagine not being part of Maddie's life and he was looking forward to watching Levi grow up as well. Then his thoughts settled on Rayna. At first it had felt strange to be in the room with her, like he didn't deserve it. But she had wanted him there and he was glad she had been firm about that. He had felt like they were connected again as they went through the experience and he'd been in awe over what she had gone through, much as he'd felt when she'd given birth to Maddie.
He felt tears in his eyes as he thought about holding Levi. His son. Their son. Being there had reminded him that he loved Rayna. That was never the problem. Maddie and Levi insured they would always be in each other's lives, no matter what the future might hold for them. He looked at Maddie again and felt a range of emotions about the day that he didn't fully understand.
When he got home, he lifted Maddie out of the booster seat. She woke up long enough to complain but fell back asleep in his arms as he walked up to the porch. He took her back to her bedroom and laid her on the bed while he found a pair of pajamas for her. They'd been shopping at Target a few months ago, and she had seen this pair with sand dollars and seashells and sea horses on them and had demanded he get them for her. She always told him they were her favorites. He undressed her and put on her pajamas, thinking she was like a wet noodle. He managed to get the covers down and get her in the bed, pulling the sheet up around her. He rubbed her head and then leaned down to kiss her cheek.
He went over and sat in the chair in the corner, watching her sleep. He couldn't help but think about the day he and Rayna had brought her home from the hospital. They had both been nervous about handling a newborn, although he thought Rayna had adapted very quickly. Maddie had slept in their room for the first couple months and he wondered if she would want Levi in with her as well. He felt more comfortable with the idea of taking care of a newborn this time and he thought she probably did as well. He was anxious to be able to bring Levi to his house when he had Maddie, but he wasn't sure how Rayna would react to that. He wasn't going to ask her right away. He'd give her a little time before he talked to her.
He finally got up and walked out of Maddie's room, closing the door behind him. It was then that he realized how exhausted he was. It was only 8:30 and there was still a little bit of light in the sky, but he went into his bedroom and took a shower, then got into bed and fell asleep almost immediately.
When his phone rang, he raised his head up, for a moment not sure where he was. He rubbed his face and then reached for the phone. It was Rayna. A spark of fear raced through his body, worrying something was wrong with Levi. "Hey," he said when he answered. "What's going on?"
"Did I wake you up?"
He sat up on the bed. "No, no, it's okay. What's going on?"
"I did wake you up. I'm sorry."
"It's okay. Is Levi okay?"
She laughed softly. "He's fine. I just fed him and now he's sleeping." She paused. "I just really wanted to thank you again for today. It really helped me having you here. I felt a lot better about everything."
He smiled to himself. "I wouldn't've missed it, Ray. Not for nothing. Even though I guess I sorta almost did."
"Actually, if you'd come earlier you'd have seen a lot more of my inner bitch coming out, so you probably saved yourself some pain." He heard her sigh. "I also wanted to thank you for Levi. I know it was all a surprise, to both of us really, but you know."
"It's all good. You were probably right that it was a good age difference, although I still don't get the sense Maddie's that excited."
"I think it was just because it was late when Tandy brought her. Or at least that's what I'm telling myself." She paused. "We've got 2 beautiful children, Deacon." Her voice trailed off.
"Yeah, we do." He cleared his throat. "What time you want me to bring Maddie home?"
"Actually, that was part of why I called. I don't know if you have anything going on, but..."
"I got nothing. I can keep her as long as you want me to."
"I'm thinking just a few days so I can get settled in. Tandy's going to stay with me until Friday, so maybe Maddie can come home after that."
"That works good on my end." He hesitated for a second. "Can I see Levi when I bring her? Spend a little time with him?"
"Of course. Maybe bring her around lunchtime on Saturday."
"And bring some lunch too?"
She laughed. "Well, that would be nice."
"No problem. I'll do it."
"Okay. Well, thanks again, Deacon. I'll see you Saturday."
"See you then, Ray. And sleep well."
"You too." He disconnected and then just held the phone for a moment. Life threw all kinds of curve balls, it seemed. He would never have thought he and Rayna wouldn't be together, that she would have had a baby while they were apart, that they would have to learn to co-parent their 2 kids. He wanted to tell her he still loved her, but that he thought the way things were was good for both of them. And who knew what the future would look like?
Rayna
She heard Tandy before she saw her, hearing the sound of her quick footsteps in the hospital hallway. She was sitting in a chair, holding Levi, when her sister burst in. "Hey!" she cried, a huge smile on her face as she hurried over and planted a kiss on her cheek. "Let me see my handsome nephew," she said, lifting the baby and cradling him in her arms. She leaned down close to him. "Remember me? I'm your Aunt Tandy. Your favorite aunt." She winked, then looked back at Levi. "If your mom ever fusses at you, you can always call me, and I'll come rescue you."
She laughed and stood up. "Be careful what you promise, Aunt Tandy." She squeezed her sister in a one-handed hug.
Tandy bounced the baby gently in her arms. "So, I know you decided to name him Levi. Levi what?"
She breathed in. "Deacon picked the name." Tandy rolled her eyes. "But I like it. I decided on Levi Jaymes Claybourne."
"Well, I like the Jaymes part. Mom would love it."
She smiled a little. "Yeah, I guess." She sighed. "I'm all packed, so we can call the nurse anytime."
Tandy looked at her with a touch of sadness on her face. "Let's sit a minute." She settled the baby in the crib and then they sat down. "How are you?"
All of a sudden, emotion took over and she could feel her face getting all screwed up and tears started to roll down her cheeks. "I can't believe I'm doing this alone. I really thought Deacon would, I don't know, snap out of it, or something. He was so great while I was in labor, and it felt like maybe we were connecting again. I thought at least when he saw Levi, that he would want to be with us, but you know, he didn't."
Tandy reached for her hand. "I'm so sorry, sweetie," she said soothingly. "I hate this for you."
She shook her head. "No, you don't. You've never liked Deacon, so don't pretend you're sorry."
Tandy shrugged. "I didn't always feel like that, but he caused you so much pain, Rayna. I was starting to come around a little when he stepped up before, when you were pregnant with Maddie. I'll be honest, I never thought he would, but he surprised me. But he surprised me even more by walking away and then leaving you to raise these two sweethearts on your own."
"It's not that I can't do it, Tandy. You know that. It's just that this was what we always talked about. A son and a daughter and raising them up together. Playing music and being in love. And now he's gone."
Tandy's mouth was in a straight line. "Why don't you cut him loose completely, Rayna? Move on with your life. Have you filed for divorce yet?"
She shook her head. "I told him he needs to file. If this is really what he wants, then he should do it. He's the one who walked away." She felt tears welling up. "But he hasn't. So I kept thinking that when he saw Levi, he'd decide he'd made a mistake." She choked a little on a sob. "But he still just walked away anyway." She took a deep breath, wiping the tears away. "I want to go home."
She put him in the crib that had been Maddie's, making sure that the blanket was wrapped correctly and then gently letting her fingers brush his cheek. When his eyes were open she thought he looked so serious and thoughtful, but it probably was just that he was a newborn and didn't know anything about anything. She'd had all this time to get used to the idea of having a son, but she wasn't sure if she knew how to be a mom to a little boy. But she did know she loved him with all her heart, had from the minute they put him in her arms. Tandy reached in to hug her, and she looked at her sister and smiled gratefully.
"This little boy doesn't even know yet how lucky he is that you're his mom," Tandy said. "He will though. He will know that you were always there for him, that you were the fiercest mom there is."
She laughed softly. "I don't know about fierce but you're right, I'll be there always for him and for Maddie."
"When's Deacon bringing her home?"
"Actually, I called him last night and asked him if could keep her for a few days, while you're here. I'd like to get Levi's schedule set up and just be sure everything's just right." She looked at her sister. "She loves being with him and he loves having her. It'll give her some special attention before she has to come home and share."
Tandy rubbed her arm. "So how about we go downstairs and I'll make us some tea."
"I think that would be great." They both turned and she put her arm around Tandy's shoulders and Tandy put her arm around her waist as they headed for the stairs.
When Deacon brought Maddie home, she had timed it so that he would be able to feed Levi. She'd already started pumping so there would be extra in case it was needed, so it would be easy to heat it up. She thought that made more sense for him when he visited. Levi was a newborn, not really able to do much more than nurse, poop, and sleep. She wanted Deacon to have some active interaction with their son, so when he had arrived with Maddie, she'd let him know. When she thought about it, it brought tears to her eyes. She was still hormonal, so she knew some of her emotions were exacerbated by that, but it had also touched her deeply that he was so invested in their son. It had seemed to her that while she was pregnant he was disengaged, but now that there was a living, breathing baby, things had changed.
Deacon was walking around the nursery with a crying Levi in his arms, trying to soothe him. She was glad she'd bought the bottle warmer that could heat up a bottle in 3 minutes. Precious time with a hungry, crying baby. She hurried up the stairs and walked into the nursery, where he looked at her gratefully. He reached for the bottle. "Thanks," he said. She stood while he walked over to the glider and sat down, settling Levi in his arm, and running the bottle nipple around his open mouth. Levi latched on quickly and she felt a tingle in her breasts, which made her have to turn away. She quickly walked back down the stairs.
She stood in the kitchen, looking out the window into the backyard, tears filling up her eyes. She remembered when Maddie was born. In the beginning Deacon had been nervous about everything concerning her and feeding her had been a way he could bond with their daughter and feel more in control of things. It had turned into something he'd really enjoyed, and she had seen that same look on his face with Levi. She heard him talking to Levi over the baby monitor, softly enough that she couldn't catch all the words, and she had to go outside and stand on the patio. It was just so overwhelming, thinking about the way things were for them. It was not how she'd thought their lives would be.
When he came back downstairs, he'd found her sitting on the patio and had joined her. They were quiet for a few minutes and then he spoke. "Thank you," he said. "For letting me see him."
She looked over at him. "Why would I not?"
He shrugged. "No reason. I guess I just, well, I just appreciate that we're being...civilized about this."
She barked out a laugh. "Believe me, I'd rather not be, but it's not fair to Maddie and Levi." She sighed. "Look, I'm sorry. But this is just not what I would have wanted and it's hard for me to put all that aside so that we don't somehow damage our kids. I also know I've been pregnant through all of this, and you know how hormonal I get." He gave her a small smile. "But here's where we are, so I do want us to be, I don't know, civilized – your word – about this."
He looked at her. She had a hard time reading his face, but his eyes were those sad, puppy dog eyes she remembered so well. "You may not feel the same but you're still my family, Rayna," he said. "You'll always be my family. I don't want us to hate each other, although I guess that's a lot for me to ask."
"It is. Sort of. But, and maybe this is still the hormones talking, I do hope we can figure out how to do this together."
He breathed out. "Then we will." He looked like he wanted to say something else, so she waited. He looked over at her. "Rayna, I know this ain't where we thought we'd be. I know I didn't. I don't know what's in the future, but it's true. You're my family. And that means something to me. And we still got these 2 kids together and I know for sure that I want to do that with you. I just, well, I just wanted to say that."
She took a deep breath. "You're still my family too, Deacon. I think we've got some work to do to rebuild that, but it means something to me too. And of course we'll raise up our kids together. I want that too."
He nodded, then put his hands on the chair arms. "I think I told you I'm gonna take kind of a break. After the first of the year though, I'm gonna do another short tour on my own. Rita's looking at next summer's tours, so maybe I get on with someone else." He smirked. "Not Luke. But she's hoping maybe Tim McGraw or Kenny Chesney, somebody like that."
"Either one of those would be great. Good luck."
"Thanks. So, I'm gonna get out of your hair." He stood up and she did as well. "I'll see you in a couple weeks."
She nodded. "Okay," she said softly. Then she followed him back into the house and closed the front door behind him when he left. She leaned against it, fighting tears. She took a couple deep breaths, reminding herself that she could do this on her own. Life wasn't going the way she'd thought it would, but she would rise up to the challenge. She would focus again on the music, and she knew that would get her through.
Deacon
He was headed across town to pick up Maddie. He'd been at Rayna's a handful of times to see Levi since she'd been home from the hospital, but things always felt awkward and uncomfortable. He was a little nervous since he wanted to talk to her about being able to have both Maddie and Levi at the same time. He wasn't sure how Rayna would react since Levi was still so little. But he'd handled all of that with Maddie and he knew what to do. Besides he did want to bond with his son, right from the beginning. The fact that he and Rayna weren't together shouldn't change that, in his mind.
When Rayna opened the door, she didn't look like she'd been dealing with a newborn. She never did. She was dressed casually, but he could tell her body was already starting to bounce back to her pre-baby shape. It had been the same with Maddie. She didn't look as frazzled as he might have expected, considering she was handling a 4 year old and a newborn on her own. He felt a twinge of guilt but then forced it away. He wanted to help shoulder some of that load on his own.
She gave him a tired smile, the only giveaway that life was hectic for her. She stepped back to let him in. "Maddie's almost ready," she said, as she closed the door. "Levi's asleep."
"Well, actually I want to talk to you about Levi."
"Okay."
"I wanted to talk about when I could start taking him when I have Maddie."
She frowned. "Deacon, he's a newborn."
"I know that, Rayna. I also know how to take care of a newborn. And he's my son and I want to spend time with him."
She raised her eyebrows, and he was pretty sure she was thinking he could have made a different decision instead of leaving her. She opened her mouth, then closed it, as though she wanted to consider what to say. "Here's the thing, Deacon," she said finally. "I know you know how to take care of a baby. But that was when we were together. It's different now. I wouldn't be there. Especially when he's so little, there's a lot to consider, as you know. I don't want you to think I don't want you to have a relationship with him or spend time with him. I do. It's just too early to have him spend time there."
He scowled. "So you're keeping him away from me?"
She shook her head. "No, Deacon. I didn't say that. You can visit him all you want, spend as much time as you want with him. But I think he needs to be a little older before he starts coming to stay with you."
He didn't like that at all. And he wondered how much older Levi needed to be. But he didn't want to argue. He had a plan. "Can I see him now?"
"He's asleep, but of course you can." She headed for the stairs and, after a moment, he followed. As far as he was concerned this wasn't settled. But it would need to be. Soon.
Rayna
She had invited her sister to come over for the afternoon. Tandy brought lunch and they sat at the kitchen table to eat. She poured glasses of tea for both of them and then they started to eat. After they'd taken a few bites, Tandy looked at her. "So how are things going?" she asked.
She sighed. "Deacon came by to pick up Maddie today and asked about when he could take Levi too."
Tandy frowned. "But Levi's just a baby," she protested. "What in the world is he thinking?"
"Well, he's thinking that Levi is his son, and he wants to be part of his life the same as he is with Maddie."
"And you're going to let him?"
"I told him he's too little. He's only a month old. It's a lot to take care of a baby, especially with a 4 year old too."
"He can't take care of a newborn, Rayna."
"That's not exactly true, Tandy. He took care of Maddie. But that was with me. I'm just not sure what to do about this."
Tandy looked indignant. "You tell him no. Aren't you breastfeeding him?" She nodded. "Well, then I would surely tell him that as long as you are it doesn't make sense."
"I just feel like we're in uncharted territory here. I do want him to have a relationship with Levi. He's a wonderful father with Maddie." Tandy rolled her eyes. "He is, Tandy. I believe he'll be a good father to Levi. I just don't know when the right time is for me to let him take Levi." She sighed. "Babies are a lot. And he knows that."
"Then why is he pushing this?"
"He wants to be a father. He worked really hard to be in a place where he could be that for Maddie and just because we didn't have Levi in the same type of relationship situation, it doesn't mean he doesn't want that for our son too. And I want him to have a relationship with Levi. But there are just so many questions. And I'm afraid he'll push on this."
"You're Levi's mother. I think this is your decision to make. Deacon clearly doesn't understand how important it is for a baby to be with his mother."
"I don't think I can put him off for long, honestly."
It turned out she was right about not being able to put him off. When he brought Maddie home, Levi was awake and he spent some time with him in the nursery, feeding him as he often did. She took Maddie into the kitchen and fixed her a snack and listened while the little girl talked about her time at Daddy's. She'd been a little surprised when Maddie told her they'd gone shopping and that 'Daddy bought a crib'.
She smiled. "You don't need a crib though, do you?" she said, trying to be funny. She tried not to let Maddie know how nervous that made her.
Maddie swallowed the bite of cookie she was eating. "No," she said finally. "It's for Levi. He put it in his guitar room." She knew that Deacon had fashioned something like a music room in his spare bedroom, because he'd told her about it. He'd gotten the furniture from their old music room in the Belle Meade house when she had moved out.
It made her wonder what was going on and she was anxious to ask him about it, but she didn't want to disturb him while he was with Levi. He was still in the nursery when she put Maddie down for her nap, so she walked over and stepped into the room. He was standing by the crib, leaning on the rail, and he looked up when she came in.
"He's asleep," he whispered. She nodded. He stood up and turned away from the crib, clearing his throat. "Can we talk?"
She clasped her hands together. "Sure."
"Downstairs," he said. She nodded again and turned to leave the room. She watched as he walked out into the hallway and gently shut the door. He followed her down the stairs and into the kitchen. He leaned on the kitchen island, and she handed him a bottled water. He opened the bottle and took a drink.
"Maddie told me y'all went shopping," she said. "For a crib."
He widened his eyes a little with surprise and then nodded. "Yeah, we did. That's what I wanted to talk to you about."
"Deacon, we talked about this. Levi's a newborn..."
"Rayna, I talked to Dr. Keller." It surprised her that he'd gone to the kids' pediatrician. "I told her I wanted to bring Levi to my house whenever I had Maddie. She said it was a great idea. That it would be good for Levi to get used to that. And to me. In my space."
"But when he's a little older."
He shook his head. "No. She said it's okay now. In fact, the sooner the better, so he gets used to it. You can call her if you want and she'll tell you. So I went ahead and got a crib and I can get the other things before they come over the next time." He breathed in. "I want to do this, Rayna. I love my kids and I want them both to be in my life."
She felt blindsided a little, although she knew she probably shouldn't have. "I want that too, Deacon, but it just seems like he's so little. Plus I'm breastfeeding."
He was determined though. It seemed like he'd considered all of that. "But you pump too. I know that. I can take what I need with me. And we can start with them coming for half the week if you want, just to make it a little easier, and work up to the whole week. Dr. Keller said it's the best way for me to bond with Levi and I want that."
"I'm surprised you talked to her."
"Well, I was serious about this. And I knew I needed some facts. If she had said no, I wouldn't have pushed, but she didn't. You can even bring them next time and check to see that I got everything. Just so you feel better about it."
She was surprised by how thorough he'd been. And he did know how to take care of a baby. It had been just as long for him as it had been for her when it came to picking it back up, so she was sure he could do it. It was just doing it while Levi was so young and doing it on his own. "Well, I want to talk to Dr. Keller myself first. Not that I doubt what you said, but I'd like to ask her some questions too. And then, well, I guess we'll go from there."
He seemed to relax then and even smiled. "Thanks, Rayna. This really means a lot. Maddie and Levi mean everything to me."
She smiled back, trying not to show how nervous she was. "I know. And I appreciate that. We'll just figure it out as we go, I guess."