Rayna
It felt good to be back out on stage. 6 months earlier she was looking at being 2 months into a tour scheduled to last at least a year. Thinking about it now made her feel exhausted. Although this tour was going to be grueling in its own way, she was happy to be headlining her own show and not having to share the stage with someone else. She was glad to not have to worry about sponsors and branding and things like that. She had agreed to take a series of Edgehill's newly signed up-and-coming female artists out with her, 4 weeks at a time. She was always happy to do that, to be a role model for new artists, particularly females, to encourage them the way her idols had encouraged her when she was first starting out.
Even though things had gone smoothly up to the tour launch, she was nervous about having Deacon back with her. She couldn't help but think about when he was trying to launch a career on his own, which meant that he unexpectedly didn't tour with her at all, and how that had ultimately torn them apart. She wasn't sure if she'd ever feel completely at ease with it, but she wanted to try, if for no other reason than what worked for Maddie and Levi. She felt like everyone was leery about him coming back, which made her wonder if she shouldn't have thought about the risks more.
"Are you all set for your tour?" Tandy asked when they met for lunch right before she went into rehearsals.
"Pretty much. There are a few more locations Bucky wants to nail down, but otherwise we're pretty set. And I start rehearsals for the album next week." She put her fork down and sighed.
Tandy gave her a look. "What?"
"My lead guitar player quit and I hired Deacon to replace him."
Tandy gasped. "Are you serious? Why would you do that? Are you crazy?"
She tried to laugh. "I very well might be." Then she sighed. "I needed a lead guitar player and he was available. Plus he's the best. But it's more for the kids. My tour schedule doesn't allow for many trips back to Nashville, so it means we don't have to worry about that aspect of things."
"I just think this is so risky, Rayna. Especially considering what he tried to do at Christmas." Tandy was scowling.
"Well, it's not Christmas and we're not going to get snowed in anywhere. Or trapped." She made a frustrated noise. "Look, I get all the reasons why it's a bad idea, but I had kind of run out of options. And the thing with the kids is true."
Tandy shook her head. "I know you mean for this not to get out of hand, Rayna, but you really are walking a fine line here."
It was her turn to scowl. "Are you saying you don't trust me? I've been clear with him where things stand between us."
Tandy shrugged. "I trust you, Rayna. I know you mean everything you said. I just also, in case you've forgotten, I know how you've always felt about him. He gets in your head. I think you have the best of intentions, but sometimes, where he's concerned, you only think with your heart."
She didn't know what to say. There were times when that was true, but also times when it was not. "I think I've figured out in the last few years how not to do that."
Tandy shrugged. "You think you do, but I saw your face when you told me that he'd kissed you at the cabin."
She frowned. "What do you mean?"
Tandy gave her a cheeky smile. "I mean be careful."
She shivered. Not that she was cold, but thinking back on her sister's words, it gave her pause. In the days when Deacon was drinking and in between all those trips to rehab, she had waited for him. Her feelings about the waiting had gone from missing him desperately to a holding her breath type of waiting to a feeling of being almost trapped. That she loved him was never in question. She had loved him with every fiber of her being. She wanted to protect him, save him. It all took a toll on her though and she had finally decided to make the break. Which was, of course, when she'd found out she was pregnant.
She had still waited. Waited for the other shoe to drop. Waited for him to fall back into old patterns. Then enough time went by that she began to trust him, not feel that same fear in her gut every time he left the house or whenever he got frustrated or angry. And about the time when she'd finally stopped worrying all the time is when he started to become distant. It had all seemed to snowball so quickly to the point where he walked away. And I still waited. When she looked back on it now, she would usually blame it on hormones. She was pregnant with Levi and then she was a new mom, again. But then she'd hit a point where she felt like she was no longer waiting and then she'd found Luke.
She glanced over in the direction Deacon had walked out. Sometimes, where he's concerned, you only think with your heart. She had to admit that was true. At least in the past it was true. Now, though, he was the father of her children and their happiness was important to her. Had she put herself in a situation that would test her because of that? She sighed. She wasn't going to figure it all out that day. She did know that she would be walking a fine line between protecting her heart and making sacrifices for her children.
She stood up. She needed to get going. It wouldn't be long before sound check.
Deacon
They were a month into the tour. He'd started to get more comfortable, at least with set lists and arrangements. There were a couple of new members of the band since he'd last been with Rayna and he'd spent time getting to know them and their talents. He wasn't officially the bandleader but the members of the band all seemed to look towards him for that kind of direction. He also spent time in the evenings, after shows, or on the bus, thinking about the arrangements for some of Rayna's songs, in particular the ones she'd done in the last 5 years. He was cautious about approaching Rayna with suggestions for changes, understanding that she might take offense to it.
It was a travel day as they headed to Philadelphia. They had been in New York City for 4 nights at Radio City Music Hall, all 4 sellouts. New York had always been one of Rayna's favorite places and she had taken Maddie and Levi out to show them the sights. He had gotten to take them for one afternoon and they had spent it at Central Park. It was hot in the city and many had headed for the beaches, so it was not as crowded as it could often be. He wished there had been more time so that maybe he could have taken them out to Coney Island or someplace like that, but they still had fun anyway.
When they got off the bus at the hotel, Rayna had walked up while he was pulling his bag and a guitar out of the bus hold. When he looked up, she was right there. "Hey," she said with a smile.
He straightened up. "Hey. What's up?"
"I was hoping that after you've dropped your things off in your room, we could meet down in the lobby to talk about some things."
He frowned. "You don't want to do it in your suite?" She would let him come up to her room to see the kids, so he wondered why they wouldn't just kill two birds with one stone.
She shook her head. "You can come see Maddie and Levi after we meet. So maybe in 30 minutes?"
He shrugged. "Sure." Just then he saw the kids with Hannah. "I'll see you then," he said and then walked over to give the kids a hug and tell them he'd be up to see them in a little while. Then he walked into the hotel and over to the front desk to get checked in.
He didn't really need 30 minutes, so when he'd organized his things, he went ahead to the lobby. They would do a rehearsal that night after the kids were in bed, before the show the next evening. When he got to the lobby he saw a café type restaurant, a more casual type of place. It was mostly empty when he walked in. He sat at a high top table that where he could see Rayna when she got to the lobby. He ordered a root beer while he waited.
He felt like things were improving where he and Rayna were concerned. It had seemed back in that transition time between winter and spring that she was more relaxed around him. He tried to just follow her lead – be a friend – and it seemed to be working. But once she'd approached him about rejoining her band, that good feeling seemed to have cooled down. He thought he understood, that she wanted to be clear where the lines were drawn, so he'd mostly kept silent and just followed her lead. But now that they had done her album, rehearsed for the tour, and were on the road together, it seemed like she was more comfortable with him being around.
Just then he saw her walk into the lobby and he waved. She walked up to the table. "It's not crowded, so I thought this might be better than just sitting in the lobby," he said.
"This is fine," she said and got up on the stool. He waved over the server and she got Rayna an iced tea. He watched as she took a sip, then folded her hands on the table and looked at him. "I really just wanted to talk to you, see how you thought things were going."
"I feel like I've settled in pretty good." He smiled. "And I'm happy to get to see you on stage again."
She gave him a soft smile. "I think things have gone pretty well too," she said. "I appreciate how much the rest of the band feels like they can go to you and depend on you. And there's a difference, having you back. I can tell." She paused. "I wasn't sure we'd be able to work together again, but I'm glad we seem to be doing it. You really are the best, Deacon, and you always made me better." She smiled. "Levi and Maddie are happy you're around."
"I'm glad I get to spend time with them. I appreciate you letting me get to do that."
"So, you've had some time now to perform my songs, listen to how they sound. What do you think?"
He took a deep breath, not sure how she'd react. "Actually, I'm glad you asked. There were a couple I thought could be a little tighter."
"Which ones?"
"Stompin' Ground, Things People Say, Good As Gone."
"What were you thinking?"
"Well, maybe up the tempo on Stompin' Ground and Good As Gone and slowing it down a bit on Things People Say." She looked pensive and he watched her carefully.
"I guess I need to hear it. Do you have something you can bring to rehearsal tonight so we can try it out?"
He nodded. "Sure can."
"Okay then." She slid off the stool and took a step towards the exit, then turned back to him. "Watty's going to be here for tomorrow's show. Just wanted you to know." She gave him a quick smile. "You can come up whenever you want to see Levi and Maddie."
He lifted his head in acknowledgement and then watched as she walked away. He smiled to himself as he watched her swaying her hips in that teasing way she sometimes had, back when they had been together. He wondered if she realized it.
As he was walking across the lobby the next afternoon, he saw Watty, who also saw him and raised his hand in a wave. He approached the older man and they shook hands. "Hey, Watty," he said. "Good to see you."
"You too, Deacon. You got a minute?"
"Sure." He gestured towards the same casual restaurant where he'd met Rayna the day before. "How 'bout over here?"
"Sounds good." They walked over and sat in a booth, ordering drinks – a bourbon for Watty and a root beer for him. "I was hoping I'd get a chance to talk to you, Deacon. Wanted to hear how it was going, being back with Rayna."
He breathed in and smiled a little. "Different. And the same. Mostly different though."
"I'll be honest. I was surprised she asked and surprised you accepted. I realize things didn't go so well with the solo career, but I thought you'd found something with the other band."
He shrugged. "I kinda thought I had, but it was a lotta time away from home. And Cy, well, Cy is a lot to deal with. It wasn't really worth it in the end. Rayna asking me back was a surprise but it gives me time to spend with my kids."
Watty nodded. "I can understand that." He took a sip of his bourbon and looked thoughtful. "You think this will be a permanent thing?"
He was a little surprised at the direction Watty seemed to be taking. "You think it shouldn't?"
"I can't decide that for you. I know there's been a lot that's gone on between you two and you've been apart for a while. It just might make it hard to keep it all separate." He took another sip of his drink. "Just be careful. Think about how it all will impact your kids."
He could see Watty's point. If things went south with Rayna in some way, Maddie and Levi would be caught in the middle. He looked at Watty and nodded.
Rayna
Watty was waiting for her backstage when her show was over. She smiled and hugged him. "I'm so glad to see you," she said.
He smiled back. "You're really sounding good. I noticed a couple of your songs seemed different."
"Yeah. Stompin' Ground, Good As Gone, Things People Say." They started to walk back to her dressing room. "What did you think?"
"They sounded good. Even better than the originals." He looked at her. "I could hear Deacon all over them."
She nodded. "Yeah, he came to me with the changes. We tried them out in rehearsal yesterday and I had to admit, they made a difference." She smiled. "But he always had a gift for doing that."
Watty's face turned serious. "How is it having him back?"
He, like everyone else, had expressed concern when she'd made the decision to ask Deacon back into her band. Questioned the wisdom and wondered about whether she could keep him at arms' length. It had quickly grown annoying and she knew, in some ways, that she'd become stubborn about her decision, her motives, and her ability to keep things platonic. Way deep down inside her, in a place she rarely allowed herself to explore, she still loved him. In spite of everything. In ways it was hard to explain and she'd worked hard to overcome it. They were connected, though, on some very elemental, basic level. She flared, though, at Watty's question. "It's been fine, Watty," she said, knowing she sounded sharper than she meant to. "He's the best guitar player out there, you know that. He makes me better. That's always been true too. But we're not together. We're divorced. We're doing this for our kids. They are number one for both of us. We focus on that and it's been working."
Watty held his hands up and smiled apologetically. "I wasn't being critical. I know it's an interesting dynamic after all these years, but what I meant was, knowing that, how has he fit back in? How are you feeling about it. And I think you answered that."
She breathed out. "I'm sorry. It's just that everyone has questioned me about whether it was the right thing to do, including you." She pointed at him, raising an eyebrow. "I questioned myself. But it solved a lot of issues for me and I had to think about what was the best thing to do, both personally and professionally."
Watty smiled. "Your show is better than ever – and I've been to all of them. I think it does make a difference. Everything's tight and I do think Deacon makes a difference on stage." He paused. "So, are we going to that after party?"
She grinned. "Yes, if you'll give me a few minutes to change."
"I'll wait right here." He patted her on the arm and she went into her dressing room to change.
She had several radio and magazine interviews the morning after the first Chicago show. In the couple of weeks since Watty's visit, she'd been extra careful about her dealings with Deacon, truthfully questioning everything she did or said. She couldn't be positive, but it seemed like he was doing the same. They both seemed to be working hard to maintain that balance of separateness and collaboration.
Deacon came up to her suite to hang out with Maddie and Levi so that Hannah could have some free time. He brought a guitar with him, because most times when he was with them, he would play some of his music for them. She often wondered how much of their musical DNA might have transferred to their children. Maddie had her own guitar and was becoming quite good. Whenever she was with Deacon, he would give her lessons so she was now probably farther along than other kids her age who took lessons. Levi hadn't shown a real interest in that yet – or the piano, which she played for them – but he loved to listen and he would typically sing along.
"So, I should be back around 1:00 or so. I'm having lunch with a program director, so don't wait for me," she said, as she was leaving.
"We'll be good," he said. "Knock 'em dead."
She smiled. "I'm really tired, so I hope I can stay awake for all of them." Since it was the first night in Chicago, there had been an afterparty, which meant it was after midnight before she'd gotten back to her suite and gone to bed. "I'll see y'all later then."
When she got back to her suite, she heard music as she walked around the corner to the main room in the suite. The remains of sandwiches and drinks were on the coffee table and Deacon was sitting on the couch with his guitar and the kids were listening to him. She smiled as she walked up to them, setting her purse on one of the side tables. "Looks like y'all had a good time," she said.
"Mom, Dad said y'all wrote songs together when you were first getting started," Maddie said.
She frowned slightly, looked at Deacon for a second, then back at Maddie. "You knew that. You've heard some of those songs." She sat down on the couch, putting her arms around Levi.
"Yeah, I know, but other songs."
She looked at Deacon. "I did Here I Go Again for them," he said. "They hadn't heard it, so I told 'em we wrote it a long time ago."
It was true. It wasn't an overtly personal song, but there was always some undercurrent in most everything they'd ever written. It hadn't been on radio, though, so it had been years since it had been included in her set list. She breathed in and then put a smile on her face. "Boy, that's really an old one." She laughed a little. "One of many we wrote sitting on the living room floor, as I recall."
Maddie looked puzzled. "You wrote on the floor?"
Deacon chuckled, glancing at her. "We had this coffee table and we used it to write on. It was easier to sit on the floor and write."
She pointed at him. "But you would sit on the couch when we were working on the music part."
"True. it was pretty impossible to sit on the floor like that with a guitar."
"Were all the songs y'all wrote for Mom to sing?"
This was where they were stepping into dangerous territory. It was true that most of their songs were written for her to sing, but they'd done a number of duets, almost all of which were very personal. "They pretty much were," Deacon said, and she breathed a sigh of relief.
"Did you ever do one that you sang together?"
She hesitated. She hadn't performed any of the duets she and Deacon had been known for since they'd broken up. She couldn't imagine ever singing any of them again, even for her children. She knew that one day they'd find them on a record – and she was okay with that – but she didn't want to sing one with him for their children. As she hastily tried to cycle through songs in her head, she thought of one that was safe. "Oh, here's one. Called Tryin'." She looked over at Deacon. "I know we haven't done it in a while. Do you remember that one?"
A smile slowly crossed his face. "I sure do. I think we did this one back before you even had a record deal."
She nodded. "That's right." She waited for him to do the intro and then she started to sing. "One in a million, mama, that's good enough for me. And you can't make me stay here anyway now that I'm eighteen..."
After he left, she had wondered whether they should have done that. The song wasn't at all one of their more personal ones – it was about her, but his POV had been one of support – but it felt too close... to something. This was the kind of thing Tandy had warned her about, how she let her heart lead her too often. She'd been conscious of how tight her chest felt and then, when they finished, she'd had a hard time looking at him. It would be too easy to fall back into old patterns. They really couldn't do that again.
Deacon
They were walking off the stage after the show in Kansas City. "You sounded great tonight, Rayna," he said as they headed in the direction of her dressing room.
She looked at him and smiled. "Thanks." Then she let out a short laugh. "I'm exhausted though, you know? Don't ever let Bucky talk me into another tour like this."
He didn't say anything. He imagined that if she didn't do another tour like this one she wouldn't need to have him in her band anymore. He was clear on the fact that her asking him to come back was just for the kids. Didn't mean he didn't occasionally wonder if maybe, just maybe, things could lead in a different direction, but he tried not to dwell on that. He cleared his throat. "It's definitely packed. I actually gotta look at the schedule most every day to see where we are."
She nodded, clearly aware of what she'd said. He felt like it was partly because over the time they'd been on the road they'd gotten more comfortable being around each other. They had started talking about things that weren't just Maddie and Levi or her set list for that night. While a lot of their conversations were about music or the old touring days, they also talked about other things. A book one or the other had read. Someplace they'd seen in one of the cities where they'd been or places they'd eaten, when the other one had had the kids. They had 5 days off coming up soon, when the equipment buses would transition across the country so they could do the West Coast leg, so they talked about plans for some rare time off. It was pleasant.
They were almost at her dressing room when she turned towards him. "Are you coming to the after party tonight?"
He made a bit of a face. "I don't know," he said. "You know I don't like those things."
"I know, but a lot of the guys are going to be there." Most of the rest of the band went pretty regularly. No one really wanted to meet and greet them like they did Rayna, but there were always people to talk to. "Think about it."
He paused, then nodded. "Okay. I'll think about it." He then headed down to the band room as she walked into her dressing room.
He stood in his room, thinking about whether he wanted to go to the after party or not. When he was with Rayna, he almost always had to go. She always made him quiz her on who was who. She could talk to anyone though. It was like she never knew a stranger. He'd never been one to be able to do that. The past 5 years when he was out on tour, it was mostly an expectation that he would attend, even when he was an opener. He wasn't good at small talk or socializing, so it always felt awkward to him. At least when he was with Rayna, he was with her. It hadn't been much like that in the past few years. It also brought up memories of getting drunk at after parties, leading to lectures and ultimatums from her. She'd be looking for him, though, now that she'd mentioned it. If he didn't go, he'd hear about it. He sighed, then picked up his key fob, sticking it in his back pocket, and walked out of his room towards the elevators.
The after party was staged in one of the downstairs ballrooms at the hotel. It was like every other after party he'd ever been to. There were lots of people he didn't know, who he assumed were from radio stations and other entertainment outlets. These events were important when it came to wooing radio program directors. At this stage of her career Rayna probably didn't need to woo anyone, but the fortunes of any artist could change quickly. Although most of the post-Luke breakup chatter had died down, some of the more insidious rumors – that she was emotionally broken and distraught – lingered still, if only among the gossipmongers. It might not impact her record or tour sales, but it could become a lasting part of her reputation. The fact that she was a woman in country music at a time when a lot of the heavy hitter female artists were fading away also meant she had to try harder, something that pissed him off. She had earned her place on country radio, in his opinion, but he understood the need not to let up. He saw Rayna near the center of the room, surrounded by several men, including Bucky. He smiled a little. She was the best at this, the small talk part of the industry.
The other members of the band were in one corner of the room and he started towards them. He was about halfway across the room when he heard her call out his name. "Deacon!" He turned and saw her as she walked towards him. She had a mostly full glass of champagne in her hand and he wondered if that was her first or maybe second. It wasn't unusual for her to carry one in her hand all night, only rarely sipping on it. She always wanted to be sure to keep her wits about her. When she drew close, she rested a hand on his arm briefly. "Glad you made it," she said with a smile. He just smiled back at her. The silence went on a little too long. "Well, try and have some fun." She took a second and then she walked away.
He watched as she set down her champagne glass and then, on her way to another group of people, took another one off a tray, smiling at the server. He felt a flutter in his stomach. He had loved her his whole life, it felt like, even when he'd acted like he didn't. He wasn't sure he could hope for anything more than just being a part of her life, however she saw that. He took a deep breath and then looked away as he headed for the part of the room where the band was.
He walked past the main lobby elevators and on to the elevators on the backside of the hotel. He glanced back briefly and then pressed the elevator button multiple times, as though that made a difference. Luckily, though, the doors opened immediately, and he got on, pressing the button for his floor. He took a deep breath, trying to slow down the beating of his heart and calm some of the irritation he felt. When the doors opened onto his floor, he stepped out and walked down to his room. He opened the door and stormed in, slinging his key fob on the credenza in the room. He made an angry noise and then put his hands on the table as he leaned forward.
He walked over to the bar and asked for a club soda with lime. As soon as he got it and turned around, a woman was standing right in front of him, a smile on her face. She was attractive, he noticed, with dirty blonde hair and warm brown eyes. Her hair was about chin length and flipped up at the ends, bangs swept across her face. She was wearing a black leather skirt and a tight fitting white blouse. In any other setting, he might have had a slight interest, but this wasn't any other setting. She had a recorder in her hand, so he knew she was a reporter of some type, but he no idea why she would approach him. It put him on alert though.
"Deacon Claybourne?" she asked.
He hesitated. "Yeah," he responded.
"Hi. I'm Rachel Lindsey, entertainment reporter for the Kansas City Star. Do you have a minute?"
He smiled hesitantly. "Don't you need to talk to Rayna instead of me?"
"I spoke to her this morning and just wanted to get a little background from you."
He tried to move away but she stuck by him. "I don't know that there's anything I can tell you."
"Well, I was really interested in you."
"Why me?"
"You went out on your own, for your own career. Why are you back in someone's band again?"
He frowned. "I work for people who pay me. I didn't have a job and I was offered this one, so I took it."
"But why Rayna Jaymes' band?"
"Because she offered me the job." He was getting frustrated. "I really think you're better off talking to Rayna."
"I did. She really didn't answer my question. What I'm interested in knowing is why did she ask you back after you had walked away from her 5 years ago. And is that why she broke up with Luke Wheeler? I know her fans are interested in the story."
He scowled at her and put his glass down forcefully on the nearest table. "It's not a story I'm gonna tell. Now, if you'll excuse me." He walked around her and out of the room.
He wasn't interested in sharing anything about his life with Rayna or the time they were apart. He'd gotten a lot of questions about that when he'd first gone out on his own, but he'd always believed it was Rayna's story to tell if she wanted to tell it. Nothing had changed about that. He pushed up from the table and rubbed his hand over his mouth. Why Rayna Jaymes' band? Because she's everything. Always has been, even when I was too stupid to realize it. He sighed.
Rayna
She walked across the room to find Bucky. As she walked, she looked around for Deacon but didn't see him. The after party was winding down and she was ready to leave. They would be pulling out early the next morning, heading for Oklahoma City. Although she knew she could sleep on the bus, the kids would be wide awake, which meant that might not be possible. Bucky had just turned away from the person he was talking to when she walked up to him. "Hey, Buck," she said.
"Hey, Rayna," he said with a smile. "You ready to call it a night?"
She nodded. Kansas City didn't have as many media and publicity type people, so fortunately the party hadn't gone on as long as it could have, but it was still getting closer to midnight. "I am. I thought it went well tonight."
"It did. There's a lot of excitement about your record and what your next single will be."
"We should talk about that." She looked around again, then back at Bucky. "I don't see Deacon anywhere. I talked him into coming, but I wonder how long he stayed."
"I saw him talking to a woman earlier. I think it might have been that newspaper reporter, but not positive. And then he was gone."
She frowned. The reporter had been at the publicity junket that morning, a little pushy, she remembered, wanting to talk about Luke and their breakup and then why she was working with Deacon again. She had seemed a little extra pushy about Deacon. She had been very vague in her responses, wanting to focus on her music and the upcoming show that night. She'd finally had to gently and politely, but firmly, end the interview. "Interesting." She put her hand on Bucky's arm and smiled. "Well, I'm going up to my room. I'll see you tomorrow."
"Have a good night. We pull out at 8."
She made a face, then left the room and headed for the elevator, her mind rolling around why – or whether – Deacon would have left with that reporter. Since their initial separation she had never heard that he'd had any kind of serious relationship. Their agreement had been to let the other know if a relationship got serious enough to include Maddie and Levi, but he'd never done that. She felt sure he'd been with other women and it wouldn't be a surprise if he'd taken a woman back to his room on this tour. But it had never come up. She had to wonder why he would though, especially since the kids were so close. But she couldn't solve it now. She'd wait until the morning.
She was standing out on the sidewalk by the bus the next morning, a cup of coffee in her hands. She'd had a little trouble falling asleep, so she wasn't as awake as she wanted to be. She promised herself she'd find a couple hours to nap on the bus. Hannah could keep the kids occupied. She saw Deacon walk out of the lobby, heading for his bus. As he was tossing his guitar and duffle into the bus hold, she walked towards him and called out his name. He turned. When he saw her, he walked up to her.
"Hey," she said.
"Hey."
"So, I didn't see you leave last night."
"You know I don't like those. Didn't realize I needed to stay for the whole thing."
She wasn't sure how to approach this. "You don't, of course. But Bucky said he thought you left with someone. A woman."
He frowned. "What? I didn't leave with a woman."
"He thought it might've been the reporter with..."
"Seriously, Rayna? If you gotta know, she came up to me and tried to get me to talk about you. About why you broke up with Luke and why I was back in your band. I told her I wasn't gonna talk to her about it. And I left." His eyes were blazing and she could see an angry twitch in his cheek.
"Oh." She felt embarrassed. "She didn't follow you?"
"Hell, no. Damn, Rayna, why would I do that? Especially on your tour." He started to turn, then turned back. "Bucky told you I left with her?"
She looked away for a second, then back. "Uh, no, not exactly. He just saw the two of you talking and said after that you were gone."
He shook his head. "So you decided I'd gone off with someone."
She felt embarrassed. She took a deep breath. "I was just asking."
"Well, now you know. I'm on your tour. With our kids. I'm trying to toe the line here, Rayna, and be your guitar player. That's all."
"I'm sorry."
He waved his hand in front of him. "I think I'm gonna stay away from your after parties from now on." He turned and walked towards his bus as she stood there watching him.
He was sitting in the upper deck seats when she got there. She hesitated, thought about turning around, then kept going. She walked down the row he was sitting on and sat down, with a seat between them. The atmosphere was crackling with tension. For several minutes they sat silently and then finally she turned towards him. "I really am sorry about this morning. I'm not sure what I was thinking..."
He turned and looked at her. "What were you thinking, Rayna? I'm on this tour because you asked me to be. Now, I'm real grateful for that because it means I get to see my kids more plus it pays me. I also happen to like performing with you. Nothing's changed about that. But I know where my place is and I'm trying to do things the right way, but if you'd rather..."
"No. I'd rather you stay. For all the reasons you mention. You can see the kids. And I like performing with you too. I do want this to work, for all of us. And I don't mean to sound like I'm trying to tell you what to do. I really am sorry that I drew the wrong conclusion."
"You know, Rayna, I understand where I fit. You been very clear about that so I'm just trying to be a good dad and a good partner. I ain't interested in nothing else. I feel like I'm supposed to play guitar and stay in the background and I'm trying to do that, because that's what you want."
She suddenly felt tears trying to creep up. She had no idea why she felt emotional about this. "I'm sorry," she said, hearing a little shakiness in her voice. "I hope we can get past this."
He didn't say anything at first, just looked at her. Finally he nodded curtly. "Okay then." He put his hands on the chair arms. "Well, I'm gonna go. I been up here for a while already." He got up and walked down the steps and out the next exit over.
She breathed in deeply. She thought again about something Tandy had said to her. I think you have the best of intentions, but sometimes, where he's concerned, you only think with your heart. She wondered if that was what she was doing. She had been bothered by the thought that he might have snuck off with a woman, something that shouldn't have mattered. She had to wonder why it had.
Deacon
He kept to himself on the bus, sliding into his bunk. It was still early enough that the rest of the band wasn't very talkative either. Several of them followed his lead. He tried to sort through the conversation with Rayna outside the hotel. Not that it had been much of a conversation. It was more like an interrogation. While he understood that she wouldn't want him doing something that might impact the kids, it seemed more than that. It wasn't that she was bothered about one of her band members going off with someone – Andy had done that for a long time until he got married – it was that it was him.
He had never really been the one who'd go off with random women. He'd had the one situation with Caroline, but that wasn't random or a one time thing. He wouldn't have done it on her tour, if only because he wouldn't have wanted any inadvertent contact with Maddie or Levi. It wasn't that he didn't want companionship, but that more casual kind just wasn't for him. So he circled back to the idea that it mattered to her because it was him. Was it? Or is it just wishful thinking on my part?
She had apologized when they were sitting in the nosebleed seats before the show. It was tense though. Right before he left he'd heard something in her voice. Something that seemed to indicate... what? That she was jealous? He didn't think that could be it, but he had to wonder. It couldn't be just him that struggled with the proximity and all their history. He wasn't sure what to make of it, but he also couldn't dwell on it.
For the next couple weeks, things seemed stiff between the two of them. There wasn't a lot of idle chit chat. Most of their communication was around Maddie and Levi or it was basic stuff about arrangements or modifying the set list or some tweak she wanted. She was always the last person off the stage, which meant he could get to the band room without having to talk to her. He hated it, but he told himself it was better this way.
Then there was the night in Houston. They would have one more show in New Orleans before a 5 day break. The buses would head out to California to start the West Coast leg. Most of the rest of the band planned to ride over and then have a few days in San Diego to have some fun. He was thinking about doing the same. He had considered going back to Nashville for a few days, but then changed his mind. He didn't know what he'd do in California either, but it would at least be a change of pace.
They had walked off the stage in Houston and he had started for the band room when he heard Rayna behind him. "Hey, Deacon?" He turned and was surprised to see that she was just a few feet away. "Do you have a minute?"