A/N: Hope everyone had a great holiday, however you celebrate. Now back to the story.
Deacon
By the time the bus arrived in Boise, he knew what he was going to do. What he needed to do. It would be tough, but he thought it was for the best. They didn't have a show that night, so he thought that after the kids were in bed, he and Rayna could talk. So when they pulled up to the hotel, his plan was to ask her to meet him later. As soon as he stepped onto the sidewalk in front of the lobby entrance though, he heard his son calling out to him. He walked over to where Levi was standing with Rayna. Levi ran over to him and grabbed his hand.
"Hey, buddy," he said with a smile. "What's up?"
Before Levi could say anything, Rayna interrupted. "Maddie's not feeling great and I was wondering if maybe you could hang out with Levi."
"Uh, yeah, I can do that. I can bring him up at bedtime."
"No!" Levi shouted. "I wanna spend the night, Dad. On a roller bed."
Rayna gave him a tired smile. Then she looked down at Levi. "Sweetie, he may have something else he needs to do." Levi pouted.
"It's okay," he said. "I'm glad to keep him." He had to admit to himself it still stung a little, what she'd said about his actions before Levi was born. He never minded spending time with his kids, even at the last minute, but now he especially felt like he needed to do that with Levi.
She looked grateful. "Thanks. I'm going to stay in tonight with Maddie, maybe order some room service."
He frowned. "What's going on with her?"
She shrugged. "A little bit of an upset tummy. I think she'll be fine tomorrow." She looked at Levi. "So you can stay with your father tonight, okay?"
Levi nodded, then looked up at him. "Can we get the roller bed?" He glanced over at Rayna, not sure what Levi meant.
She smiled. "A rollaway bed. That's what we normally get so he and his sister can have their own beds."
He raised his eyebrows. "Ah, okay." He looked at his son. "Yes, we can get a roller bed."
Levi made a fist pump. "Yes!" he cried.
He looked at Rayna. He guessed he'd have to wait until the next day to talk to her. Then he looked back at Levi. "Okay, buddy," he said. "Let's go get your bag and we'll get checked in."
When he took Levi to the hotel restaurant for breakfast, he wondered if Maddie had really been sick at all. Levi had been bouncing off walls all night and he was exhausted. He figured some of it was being cooped up on the bus for 8 hours, but Levi was also a very high energy kid, so he guessed it was some of both. Maybe Rayna just needed a break from their rambunctious son. Not that he minded. He'd never really allowed himself to think about having a son one day. His own father had not left him with good childhood memories and he had worried he might pass on his own demons to a son as well. When Rayna had told him they were having a son, he'd had mixed feelings about it. Having a daughter had been easier somehow.
When Levi was born though he had felt nothing but love for the baby he held in his arms. Still, he couldn't help but remember the times his father hit him, the times he was unpredictable and the apprehension that caused. There were some good times, times when his father was sober and more like a father should have been, but it never seemed like there were enough of those. And so he worried. It hurt him to remember how nervous he had been with Levi in the beginning and the frustration of just... not being Levi's mom. Rayna, who such was a natural mother, starting with Maddie, made everything look easy right from the start. She had told him once that she had experienced some anxiety about being mother to a son, but he never saw any indication of that. As time had gone on he'd gotten more comfortable being a dad to a son and now he looked forward to doing all the things he'd ever dreamed of doing with his own dad. Luckily Levi was an easy kid, mostly upbeat and full of energy, and he'd enjoyed developing that father-son bond with him.
There was a buffet for breakfast and he took Levi through that, getting him cereal, fruit, milk and a donut, smiling as his son contemplated almost every choice. Buffets were always easier than ordering from a menu because Levi liked to pick and choose. He got eggs and bacon for himself and then they sat at one of the tables on the side of the room that had a view of the mountains.
Rayna
She got down to the hotel restaurant a few minutes early. She and Bucky were meeting to go over some tour business and she thought maybe she'd get a cup of coffee before he got there. Maddie was still asleep when she left the room, but Hannah was there. Her daughter had seemed a little better before bedtime, so she was hoping it was just a minor thing.
She couldn't remember the last time she had performed in Boise. Maybe back in the early days. It had felt a little random as far as a tour stop, but she did like going to places that didn't necessarily get the bigger acts, so she'd been happy to do it. There was no one at the host stand when she got there, so she started to walk in, but then saw Deacon and Levi. She stepped back and over to the side, behind a glass partition, where she could watch them. She could see them at the buffet, watching Levi pointing at things, sometimes shaking his head. She smiled to herself. Levi loved buffets. It was easier anyway, so it was good that he loved them. He liked being able to pick out what he wanted.
Finally they walked over and sat at a table. She continued to watch them. Levi looked like he was doing a lot of the talking, Deacon mostly nodding or laughing. She didn't often get to see them together and she was happy seeing them connect like that. While she was pregnant, she had been afraid he would struggle with having a son. He didn't really like to talk about his childhood, but when he did, it always made her sad. She didn't know, at first, if he had just gotten over it, because he talked almost dispassionately about the abuse, the struggle, and his conflicting feelings about his father. Later on she realized it was not that at all, it was just his way of coping with it. He tried to act like it didn't matter, even though he had clearly taken on both his father's demons and his sickness. He had told her before Maddie was born that he didn't know if he could be a father to a son and that had stuck with her.
His seeming indifference before Levi was born had rattled her, but she had hoped all along that he would feel something towards his unborn child. She had even been hopeful that knowing he would have a son would change something for him, maybe change his mind about leaving her, but it never seemed to. It had hurt terribly, wondering if Deacon would want a relationship with him. But then when Levi was born, he'd been so tender with him. He'd held him close and then he'd had tears in his eyes and she had hoped it would make a difference.
He'd been a great dad, both to Maddie and to Levi. He had worried that he couldn't be a good dad to a son. Watching them together tugged at her heart. She hoped he knew he'd been able to do it.
"Rayna?" She turned to see Bucky standing behind her, looking a little puzzled.
"Oh, hey, Buck," she said. "I didn't hear you come up."
He gave her a crooked grin. "You looked pretty lost in your thoughts."
She smiled. "I was just watching Deacon and Levi." She gestured in their direction. "It's nice to see." She looked back at him. "You ready for some coffee? I know I am." He followed her into the restaurant and she found an out of the way table near the back. She didn't want to interfere with Levi's time with his father. The server poured coffee and took their order, then left. "So what's up, Buck?" she asked.
"Just wanted to catch you up on a couple things. Sadie will be in Salt Lake City when we get there and I've arranged kind of a meet and greet for the two of you." He smiled. "She's apparently very excited to be on your tour and is looking forward to meeting you."
"I'm looking forward to meeting her too. I did a little research last night and she's quite the songwriter. Based on her demo I'm surprised it's taken her this long to decide to pursue an on-stage career."
"She does have a lot of good buzz around her. If I were to guess, she won't be with Calico long." The server came back with their food and refreshed their coffee. Bucky picked up his fork, then looked at her. "The label wants you to release Sanctuary as your next single. I know we were considering Open Road, but the label thinks Sanctuary is the better choice."
"They do?"
He nodded. "You've been getting good buzz on it and your fans are already asking for it on radio. I think it could end up being a Rayna Jaymes classic."
She smiled. She'd always thought of it as just being a song she'd written for Levi, after he was born. It was for Maddie too, of course, but when she'd worried Deacon couldn't embrace a son, she had felt like she needed to be the one who would always be there for him, to be his place to land. She'd hesitated to release it because it was so personal. Ironically it had been Deacon to suggest that it go on her record. "Okay." She felt unexpected tears press against the back of her eyes. "I do really love that song," she murmured.
When she got back to her suite, Deacon was there. He was sitting on the couch with Maddie, but when she walked in he stood up. "I, uh, was just bringing Levi back and wanted to see how Maddie was doing," he said. She nodded. He walked around the couch. "Can, uh, I talk to you for a minute?" he asked quietly as he approached her.
Deacon
Hannah let him into Rayna's room when he brought Levi upstairs after breakfast. "Hey, Deacon," Hannah said with a smile, taking Levi's bag. "Hey, Levi."
"Is Maddie awake?"
Hannah nodded. "I can let her know you're here."
"What about Rayna?"
"She was meeting Bucky downstairs for breakfast." He hadn't seen her when he'd left with Levi, but he supposed she could have just left. Not that it mattered. "I'll let Maddie know you're here."
He smiled. "Thanks." Levi was already sitting on the couch, flipping through channels on the TV, and he joined him. He looked back over his shoulder and saw Maddie walk out of the second bedroom. She sat down next to him on the couch and he put his arm around her and pulled her close, giving her a kiss on the top of her head. "Hey, sweet girl. How you feeling?" he asked.
She looked up at him. "I'm okay. Better than yesterday." She stretched up a bit and whispered in his ear. "Thanks for taking him." She inclined her head towards her brother, who was oblivious as he was glued to the TV.
He smiled. "No problem." He hugged her. "I'm glad you're feeling better."
"You think you could give me a guitar lesson today?"
He hesitated for just a second, then smiled at her again. "Sure. I'll let your mom know." Just then he heard the door open and he turned. When she walked in, he stood up. "I, uh, was just bringing Levi back and wanted to see how Maddie was doing," he said. She nodded. He walked around the couch. "Can, uh, I talk to you for a minute?" he asked quietly as he approached her.
She folded her hands over her chest. "Sure."
"Not here." She frowned in confusion. "Maybe downstairs?"
"Oh. Okay." She looked around him at Levi and Maddie sitting on the couch. "Y'all, I need to talk to your father about something. I'll be back." After hearing affirmative noises, she turned and walked back to the door. He followed.
They rode down the elevator in silence, the tension from the night in Seattle still lingering a bit. When they got off the elevator, he pointed towards the lobby. "How about outside?" he asked.
She shrugged. "Sure."
They walked through the lobby and out into the parking lot. Both Rayna's bus and the band bus were parked off to the side. The rest of the buses were at the arena and would stay there until they pulled out the next day. He walked towards that part of the parking lot and then on the other side of Rayna's bus where they wouldn't be seen. He put his hands on his hips and paced for a second, then finally turned to face her. "I thought a lot about this and I think I should leave and go back to Nashville."
She looked stunned for a moment. "For how long?"
"For good."
She frowned, her eyes flashing with anger. "Really? Is that what you're gonna do? Just walk away? Just leave?" She shrugged. "Although I guess I shouldn't be surprised. That is what you do when things get tough."
He breathed in deeply, not wanting to say something stupid, but he had to get it out. "Damn it Rayna, all you done since practically the day we started is to tell me that you really don't want me here, but it's for the kids or for the music or something like that. I can't figure you out from one day to the next. Sometimes you want us to get along – for the kids – but then when we try that, you can't do it. It hurts you to be around me, you said. You can't stop thinking about all the bad things I done. You even said you don't want me here, but you want us to figure out somehow how to coexist." He huffed. "I know I hurt you. I don't ever expect you to ever forgive me for that. And I know I don't deserve it. I can live with the fact that I ain't never gonna be part of your life again, but I can't keep doing this. I thought we were supposed to be trying to make things good for Levi and Maddie, but I really can't see how this is gonna do anything but hurt them." He threw his arms out to the side. "I'm your family. You love me, in some kinda way. But you can't look at me, because all you see is the bad I done. You can't even let us try to be friends for too long before you decide it ain't working." He couldn't read what was on her face. "I wanted to make music with you and I thought you did too. I wanted to be with our kids and I thought you wanted that too. And like I said, I know I ain't in a position to ask for nothing and that I need to just let you heap shit on me over and over again, because I done you wrong. But I wanted to try to make this work anyway, the way you said you wanted in the beginning. I've tried to stay out of your way, to let you make the decisions about how this goes, follow your lead, but at some point I just can't do it anymore." He sighed. "I think it probably would just be better for both of us if I wasn't around."
She didn't say anything at first. Her arms were crossed over her chest and he wasn't sure if she was going to say anything or just turn and go. She looked down for a second, then back at him, putting her hands on her waist. "I don't want you to go," she said.
He was confused. "But you don't want me here."
She shook her head. "That's not true. This is just hard for me, Deacon. We went for all those years just seeing each other when we needed to for the kids. We didn't interact in other ways and that worked. For me, at least. You were someone I felt like I didn't know anymore and I've held you at arms' length because I didn't want to get pulled in again. When we were snowed in at the cabin, I feel like I let my guard down, and you know how that ended up. I really do want us to figure this out, even if I say things that sound like I don't. I'm just trying to figure out that middle ground for myself." He thought he saw the hint of tears in her eyes. "I don't want you to go. I really don't."
He wasn't sure what to do. He deserved every kick in the ass she wanted to give him, but at some point he couldn't hang around and be her punching bag. "The kids come first, Rayna. We both know that. Whatever it is we do, that's gotta be first and foremost."
"Then I think you should stay here, work through the hard stuff. With me. For our kids." She breathed out. "I'm just trying to be honest with you about where I am and that's sometimes going to mean being really raw. It doesn't mean I didn't want to try to make it work."
He still felt confused, but truthfully, he didn't want to give up. "Okay," he said, with a sigh. "I guess we keep working at it then?"
She nodded, not saying anything at first. "Yes. I want to," she said finally. She looked down at her feet, then back at him, a serious look on her face. "You have to know how hard this is, us" – she waved a hand between the two of them – "being on the road like this. The way we always were. And you know how much you and music are just the same to me. We haven't done this together in a long time and it brings back a lot of old memories. And feelings. It's a new world for us. Doing this together but not being together is hard."
He felt a lump in his throat. "I know," he whispered. Suddenly he saw tears in her eyes.
"I didn't want this. I didn't want us to be where we are." She waved her arms in front of her. "But I have 2 children – we have 2 children – who we have to put first. They're old enough now to understand things. Maddie, especially. But they need us to stand together. For them." She put her hands on her hips. "I go to bed every night wondering if I can really do this. And it's not that I don't want to. But you know, even now with all we've been through, we're somehow always going to be connected. I just don't want it to destroy us. Destroy Maddie and Levi."
He nodded. He wanted to put his arms around her and tell her it would be okay, that they could figure it out, but he couldn't. At least he couldn't put his arms around her. She was right about the fact that they were connected. And it wasn't just because they had children together. She was the one. She still was. He'd burned his bridges, but it didn't change the fact that he would never truly be happy if he wasn't with her. "I don't wanna run away from this, Rayna. I don't."
She looked at him for several minutes, then finally she sighed. "Then don't." She turned, like she was going to walk away, then turned back. "You and I have so much water under our bridge. We've been through so much both together and apart. You know me in a way that no one else knows me. And I know I can be honest with you, even now, and you won't judge me." She gave him the slightest hint of a smile. "And I know right now you want to hug me and tell me it's going to be okay, that we'll figure things out, because that's what we do. It's what we've always done. Even when it's hard. Even when it feels like it's impossible."
He took a deep breath and then crossed the couple steps between them and did just that. He closed his eyes and just held her close, wanting them to figure out how to do this. After a minute he felt her hands slide around him as she leaned in. "It is gonna be okay. We're gonna figure this out. I promise."
She let go and he did as well and she stepped back, a tiny smile on her face. "Okay then. I guess I'll see you at sound check."
He nodded. "You will."
She took another step back. "Oh, and thank you for keeping Levi last night. I know he's our kid and I know you never mind doing that, but I appreciate it anyway."
He gave her a hint of a smile. "Anytime." Then she did turn and he watched her walk around the bus and disappear from his view.
Rayna
She stood in front of the mirror in her dressing room. She was wearing practically skintight black slacks with a hint of sparkle in the material. The belt was black and covered in sequins. The sleeveless top she wore was almost but not quite white, with a low neckline and strategic sparkled appliques all around the neckline. Her black stilettos were on the floor next to the makeup chair where the rhinestone covered black jacket she would wear was draped. Her statement earrings and rings were sitting on the vanity table. Her hair was styled in long waves that hit almost to the middle of her back. When she was growing up, she'd always hated that her hair had a natural wave to it. Tandy's hair was straight as an arrow and she'd been envious. The advent of styling tools meant that she could have that beautifully straight hair she'd always loved, but these days she embraced the wave. Tandy had told her, right after Levi was born, that she should cut her hair. The baby was fascinated with her hair and often got his drool covered hands in it or stuck it in his mouth. She laughed it off and just said it was part of being a mama.
There was a knock on the door and then it opened. She glanced behind her in the mirror and saw her hair and makeup team walk in. She smiled. "Hey, y'all," she said. "Let's get me all dolled up."
She walked into her dressing room after the show, Bucky following behind her. She slid out of her jacket and then sat down hard on the couch in the room. He brought her a bottled water and she uncapped it, drinking gratefully. "What time do you want to pull out tomorrow?" he asked. "It's about a 5 hour drive, give or take."
She thought about it. "How about 10? And that meet and greet with Sadie? Maybe schedule it as a dinner. She could come to my room and we could have something catered in. Would that work?"
"Absolutely. I'll make sure it happens."
She smiled. "Thanks, Buck. The kids will probably be kind of wired, but Hannah can take them downstairs for dinner. It'll give us a little time to just get acquainted." She took another sip of water and sat forward. "I'm really looking forward to meeting her. And having someone a little closer in age on the tour with me." She made a face. "Tell the label I don't ever want that Julie girl again."
"Juliette," he said with a nod. "Will do."
She sighed. "I know we got a late start on this, so I suppose we get what's left, but for sure next year I want to really think about who we take out with us and nail that down early."
"Done. You ready to head back over to the hotel?"
"Can you give me a minute? I can take a cab if I need to. I just want to decompress first."
He nodded. "Sure thing. See you in the morning." He gave her a wave and left her alone.
She threw the shoes off her feet and sat back on the couch. She closed her eyes and breathed in and out. There was another month and a half left before the tour ended. She would fly home to Nashville from Miami with Hannah and the kids for their first day back to school, then fly back out to wind up the last couple weeks of the tour. It had been a grind, something she hadn't had to do for at least 5 years. She would be ready for a break once she got home for good.
She thought back to the conversation she and Deacon had had earlier that day, when he'd told her he was thinking about leaving the tour. She'd felt a mix of things – irritation, anger, disappointment – but also a little bit of something she couldn't quite nail down. She hadn't realized how her words had come across to him, making him feel like he was unwanted. It was complicated. It had always been complicated between them. But she also felt like she had a right to feel whatever it was she felt. She had had a sense, while she was in Big Sur, of the tension she'd felt, struggling to keep her emotions under control. Somehow she had thought time and distance would make it easier to manage having him around all the time, but it hadn't been that simple. I'll do better, she thought. Actually, we both need to do better. She sat up then and sighed. Then she pushed herself up from the couch and went to change out of her stage clothes.
When she got back to the hotel, she entered the lobby and started for the elevators. She heard singing in the hotel bar and she stopped. Then she realized it was Deacon's voice she was hearing and that it was something she hadn't heard before. She walked closer to the bar, staying out of way so she wouldn't be seen. It looked like it was mostly members of her band and crew. It was late, so there probably weren't many, if any, other hotel guests there. She smiled to herself as she remembered the old days, when she and Deacon were hanging out in bars like that after a show. She always loved the camaraderie of tours, whether she was an opener or the headliner. A lot of music got created during a tour, mostly due to there being nothing else to do, but also living in that kind of creative space seemed to just generate more creativity.
She refocused on the music. The song Deacon was performing had a bigger sound to it than she usually heard from him. His songs were often slower paced and contained brilliant imagery. He wrote beautiful love songs, as she knew firsthand, and there was usually a sadness that underlay all of them. This one had that poignancy, but it had more power to it. As she listened, she could hear the pain behind the words, the loss of someone, but the hope of their – her – return, however improbable that might be.
Well it's been dry like the county line
It seems like anything moving is leavin' town
Now I'm all alone hoping she'll come home
It's like waitin' on good rain or Jesus to come down
As she continued to listen, it dawned on her that the song was probably about her. It took her breath away, as she thought about it. So much of what he'd written over the years had been about her, but she hadn't really paid attention to it recently, and it surprised her that it was possibly still the case. She turned and walked away then, filled with a sadness she hadn't expected to feel.
The next morning as she was getting Maddie and Levi onto the bus, she saw Deacon walk out of the lobby and head for the band bus. She stepped back onto the sidewalk. "Maddie, you and Levi get settled in, okay? I'll be right back," she called after them.
"Okay, Mom," she heard Maddie call back.
She turned. "Deacon!" He looked over at her and she walked towards him. He met her about halfway. She shaded her eyes and looked up at him. "I heard you in the bar last night," she said.
He looked surprised. "I didn't see you."
She shook her head and smiled. "I didn't come in. Just listened. Sounded like you were playing something new."
A smile crossed his face. "I tried out a couple new things."
"It was something about rain or Jesus. Sounded good."
He lifted his head for a second. "Good Rain or Jesus. I wrote it the other night. In Seattle."
She looked off to the side for a second, then back at him. "I wrote something that night too."
After a long moment, he shoved his hands in his pockets and raised his shoulders. "Seems like that was a good night for writing then."
"Seems like it." She reached out and tapped his arm. "Okay then. We'll see you in Salt Lake City, I guess."
He nodded. "Yeah. See you then." He looked at her for a second, then turned and headed for the bus entrance. She watched as he climbed the steps onto the bus, without another glance at her. Then she turned and went back to her own bus.
When she heard the knock on the door of her suite she jumped up and hurried to answer it. When she opened it, she saw a young woman with dark shoulder length hair and brown eyes and a lovely face. She grinned. "Sadie Stone?" The other woman nodded, looking dumbstruck. She laughed and stepped back from the door. "Come on in, girl," she said and watched as Sadie stepped cautiously into the room. She walked past her, gesturing to her to follow. When they got to the couch, she indicated they should sit. Then she reached over for Sadie's hands and held them in hers. "I've been looking forward to meeting you."
Sadie looked surprised. "Really? Because you don't know just how much I've been looking forward to meeting you." She smiled. "I'm just so honored that you picked me to go out on tour with you."
"Well, after I heard your demo, how could I not? You're the real deal."
"Oh, wow, you don't know how much that means to me. I've been such a fan of yours, ever since..."
She held up her index finger. "Please don't tell me it's been since you were a little girl."
Sadie laughed nervously. "Oh, no. But I have been a fan from the beginning, ever since Cowgirls Love Too Hard. I think I had to buy another copy because I wore out the first one playing it over and over." She leaned forward slightly. "I do have to confess I was in middle school though."
She smiled. "It's okay. I was just 20, after all. I'm so glad you were available tonight. I really wanted a chance for us to get to know each other. I was just so impressed not only by what I heard, but I'm impressed with the songs you've written that others have recorded. I let my lead guitar player listen to the demo as well and he's excited you're joining us as well."
Sadie's eyes seemed to get bigger. "You mean Deacon Claybourne?" She nodded. "Oh, wow. I mean, he's one of the greats." Then she gasped, putting her hand up to her face. "Oh, I'm so sorry. I know he's your ex..."
She patted Sadie's knee. "It's okay. He is one of the greats. And he has a good ear for good music." She smiled again. "So, tell me about your background and how you got to Nashville."
After Levi and Maddie were in bed, she poured herself a glass of wine and settled onto the couch. She thought back on the dinner and conversation with Sadie Stone. She was very impressed with the songwriter turned singer. Sadie had shared that she would come to Nashville periodically to write with other writers, but that she mostly wrote on her own. Or with her husband, although she indicated he didn't really contribute a lot. She had been surprised to find out Sadie was married – Pete was his name – but she was very circumspect about him, very private. There was a hint of something there, because Sadie seemed to just skim the surface when she talked about him and their relationship. Plus she didn't wear a wedding ring. Then again, she'd just met Sadie and they weren't really at a point where they would share confidences.
She liked Sadie though. She was well-spoken and intelligent, with a great sense of humor. She really thought her fans would love Sadie's music. They had spent a little time singing together and Sadie had shared some of her new music. She could really see herself writing with the other woman in the future. They had a similar writing style. Most of all, she just really felt like she'd made a friend, someone who could become a really close friend in the future. The idea of that excited her. Plus she also was excited about the idea that she could potentially mentor Sadie and help her really grow in the music business. That was something she'd really wanted to be able to do, to give back just as her mentors had done for her.
There was more to Sadie than just what was on the surface, she was sure of that. She appreciated the fact that Sadie kept her personal life private – she did the same. There seemed to be something a little closed off though, like the shadow that would cross her face oh so briefly. She had a beautiful genuine smile that lit up her face, so the passing darkness was not what most would remember, she was sure. She could relate to it though. She'd hidden so much of her own life and struggles behind a mask she created. The one thing that was different was that she knew nothing about what Sadie's private struggles might be, whereas her own were not unknown, just not talked about out loud. In the end though the only thing that mattered was the beautiful music Sadie would put out there and that was something she was very excited about.
She was very glad Bucky had found Sadie.
Deacon
He was surprised to see Rayna when he got to the nosebleed seats. He sat in the same row she was in. "I didn't expect to see you today," he said. She hadn't joined him in several days.
"I wanted to see Sadie," she said. Sadie Stone was down on the stage for her sound check. He'd been able to hear her as he entered the arena and made his way up to the cheap seats. "I also didn't want to spook her, so sitting up here makes it easy."
He nodded. "She's good," he said.
She smiled. "She is, isn't she? I'm so glad Bucky heard about her. I had dinner with her last night so I could get to know her and I think she's really going to be huge. She has such a great voice and her songs are so raw and heartfelt." He just nodded, sitting back in his seat, listening to Sadie. Rayna looked back over at him. "I really did like the song I heard you do the other night, speaking of raw and heartfelt."
He glanced at her. "Thanks."
"Will you go back to your Bluebird nights when the tour's over?"
"Probably."
"Maybe I should stop by sometime. I'd love to hear your new music." He looked over at her. "Uh, it sounded like that song the other night was about someone specific. Was it?"
He hesitated. "Yeah." She seemed to be waiting. He wasn't sure it was the right thing to do to tell her. She started to turn away. "You." She looked back at him, a thoughtful look on her face.
"You still write songs about... me?"
"They're all about you, Rayna. Most of 'em anyway. I write what I know. I don't have nobody else to write about."
"I, um, I didn't know that."
He shrugged. "They ain't all sad ass songs. But when I write songs like that, you're the one I think about. You're like the model I use. The framework. You're a pretty complicated, unpredictable woman. It makes for good songs." He bit his lip for a second. "I probably shouldn't've told you that. I'm sorry if it puts you on the spot or anything."
She still looked a little taken aback. "It just surprises me." She looked down at the stage, then back at him. "I'm going to go, I think. See if I can catch Sadie when she comes off the stage."
He watched as she got up and walked down to the aisle, then disappeared from his view. He closed his eyes for a second. I'm an idiot. That was a stupid thing to say.
That night was the first time in a very long time that he'd seen Rayna off her game. She was late coming in on a line more than once and she even missed her cue on the first song of the night. When she looked at him while they were on stage it almost seemed like she was unsettled. It didn't appear to be obvious to the crowd though as they shouted their approval and sang along with her. He felt like it was his fault, that he'd thrown her off balance. He decided to wait for her when they came off stage.
"Hey," he said as she approached.
She looked at him at first as though she wasn't expecting him to be there, which she probably was not, but then she seemed to snap out of it. "Hey."
"You seemed a little off there at the beginning. Like you froze."
She looked away. "I'm fine."
He waited for her to look back at him. "I know when you're fine. You're not fine."
"I'm fine," she said, her voice a little sharp. She breathed in, then gave him a tiny smile.
"If it's about earlier, up in the nosebleeds..."
She shook her head. "It's not. I promise. I'm really fine. It was just one of those random things."
"You sure."
"Yeah, I'm sure." She reached out and patted his arm. "Thanks for checking on me though." She clasped her hands in front of her. "I think all the riding on buses caught up to me a little. I'm going to head up to my room. I'll see you tomorrow." And then she was gone.
Rayna
Damn you, Deacon. Damn you to hell. How can you still mess with my head like that?