Rayna
She was a jumble of nerves as she pulled out onto the highway. Actually she'd been a jumble of nerves for a couple of days, since she'd started thinking about reaching out to Deacon. It had occurred to her that she didn't know how long he would be at the cabin, so she had driven across town and gone to his house. She didn't see his truck, but stopped anyway, knocking on his door. When there was no answer, she assumed he hadn't returned to town, and drove back to the highway. Now she was on the way out of town. She was driving mostly against traffic and she could see the backed up traffic heading south into Nashville on the other side of the road. As she got farther north, traffic thinned out and soon she was into the more rural areas of the state, approaching Kentucky.
She had debated with herself for days about whether she should seek out Deacon to talk or just wait until she knew he was back in Nashville. She knew that following him to the cabin would likely put her at an emotional disadvantage. The 2 days she was snowed in before Christmas had proved that. It was the house he had bought for her, because it looked like her dream house, and she had never forgotten what an act of love it was. It was the place where she and Deacon could go together and feel peace. The emotional pull ran long and deep.
The first piece of furniture they'd bought for the cabin was an old couch she'd found at a thrift store in Nashville. It had definitely seen better days and wasn't the most comfortable couch. The seat cushions were kind of lumpy and lacked much actual cushion at that point. One of the legs was a little shorter than the others and they'd had to put folded up cardboard under it to even if out. It had still not felt steady. She had gotten a couch cover to hide the hideous orange color of the fabric and added a few throw pillows to it. The best part was that it was long and deep, because it served as their bed for quite a few months. She'd brought several blankets that could cover them if they slept there and could be dragged down to the floor if they wanted to lay in front of the fire. She lost count of the times they'd leaned against the throw pillows, wrapped up in blankets, and talked. Or made love. Or both.
It had always felt like their secret hideaway. Off the grid. For years there was no TV and no phone. Still no cell service. It was private, which was something she really never had in Nashville. Even when she no longer lived in her father's house, she was still a Wyatt – something she changed early on, but she could never rid herself of her beginnings – and that meant people knew who she was. No one knew where the cabin was, which was just what they'd wanted. Even now, the only other people who had been there were Maddie and Levi. It was a sanctuary.
She exited off the highway not far over the state line and then followed the state highway to the turnoff for the cabin. The closer she got the more she backed off the gas. Butterflies filled her stomach, making her a little queasy. She took a deep breath to settle herself down. Why am I so nervous? It's just Deacon. She decided it was because she hadn't completely made her mind up what she wanted to say. As she approached the driveway to the cabin, she forced herself to breathe in and out slowly, calming herself. She pulled up next to his truck and turned off the ignition.
She sat for a minute, looking out the windshield at the lawn, which had turned brown with the change in seasons. It was a shallow lawn. The house was situated at a slight angle and fairly close to the lake. The wind had picked up a bit and she could see some chop on the water. Finally she opened the door and got out of her car, closing the door quietly. She climbed the steps and made her way down the porch to the sliders. It was an overcast day and the lights inside made it easy for her to see through the glass.
He was standing with his back to her at the kitchen counter, probably making coffee. Her heart started to beat a little faster. She took a deep breath and opened the sliding door, stepping inside, then closing the doors behind her. He turned to face her. She wondered what he was thinking, but his face was unreadable. He took a step towards the island and put his hands on the counter as he watched her. She took off her jacket and scarf and hung them over the back of one of the stools, then stood across from him.
"Hey," she said.
"Hey," he replied. "Wasn't sure you'd really come."
She raised her eyebrows. "Really?" The hint of a smile crossed her lips. "To be honest, there was a moment when I wondered if I should."
"But you did."
She nodded. "I did." She slowly walked around until she was facing him. "I think there's still stuff we need to resolve."
He nodded. "Yeah, there probably is."
Deacon
She took a couple steps towards him until she was just inches away from him. "I've been doing a lot of thinking the last few days. About the things you said." She was holding her hands in front of her, clasped tightly. "It's a lot, thinking about whether you and I could figure this out. It scares me, to be honest. And not just for me, but for Maddie and Levi too. We can't do something that will impact them so completely and then take it away. It's a risk. Do you understand that?" He nodded. "I think we still need to see Dr. Jensen, but maybe change the focus a little. At least until we feel like we can stand on our own."
His heart was thumping in his chest and he was finding it hard to breathe. He swallowed. She reached out and put the palm of her hand on his chest and he wondered if she could feel his heart beating. But that thought left him as he reached out and pulled her into his arms, lowering his mouth to hers, his hands cupping her face. He felt her arms go to his waist and then slide around him as she leaned her body into his. She returned the kiss, first a little tentatively and then with growing hunger. He kissed her for what felt like hours, but truly was only minutes, and then let go of her lips as he slid his arms around her back and she leaned her head against his chest. "Are you sure?" he whispered.
"I don't know," she murmured. Then she looked up at him and took a couple steps back, out of his embrace. "But maybe it's time to figure it out." She turned then and walked back around the island and up to the fireplace. He followed behind her. She crossed her arms over her chest and stared into the fire. "I don't know if I'm ready to just go all in. I have to be sure. I have to protect our children's hearts. You know?" She turned and looked at him.
"I get it about the kids," he said. "But if you're not all in, what are we really doing that's different, Rayna?" He felt confused. "You drive all the way up here just to tell me that?"
She frowned. "I can't just jump right back in, Deacon. There's a lot to consider."
He sighed, trying not to sound as exasperated as he felt. "Rayna, I don't want to tiptoe around this anymore. I get easing into things with the kids, but it just seems like we should be doing more than just more of the same. What's gonna be different in a week? Or a month?" He put his hands on his hips. "I already told you how I feel. I want us. Together. If you don't want that, just say it and we can be done. But just say one way or the other. I don't wanna wait anymore."
"Deacon..."
"I know I got no right to give you an ultimatum. But I just can't keep going on like this. I don't want to." He could see the hesitation on her face, in her body language. He really didn't want to wait anymore. Even if she was afraid to say it out loud, he really didn't think she wanted to wait either. She surprised him then by crossing the distance between them and putting her arms around his neck, kissing him. He wrapped his arms around her, kissing her back. It was passionate, hungry, all-consuming. He pulled her closer and she molded her body to his.
Finally he pulled his mouth from hers. Her hands slid down to his shoulders as she looked up at him, her mouth slightly parted, a flush across her cheeks, and her eyes dark with what he guessed – hoped – was desire. No, what he knew was desire. He took a couple of steps back, then held his hand out to her. She took it and he felt a rush of emotions as he held her small hand in his larger one. She looked up at him and gave him a tentative smile. He smiled back and then led her to the bedroom.
Rayna
She could feel his heart beating as she laid her head on his chest. She was tucked into his side and was very conscious of the feel of his skin against her own. She watched her fingers as they ran over his chest lightly and she realized she felt very content. A little drained but satisfied. She looked up at Deacon's face and it seemed as though he was sleeping. It's probably around lunchtime, she guessed. She didn't have to leave right away – Hannah was picking up the kids from school – and she was glad for that. She sighed quietly. They'd been through a lot – she and Deacon – and she really had thought they'd never be together like this again. It had taken her a minute to get to the point where she felt like she could forgive him – all that talk from Dr. Jensen about forgiveness not being about giving someone a pass, just allowing it not to control her life anymore – and she'd still had to deal with the fear of pain. It was what had been the attraction of Luke (it was hard to believe that wasn't so long ago), that clean slate. No pain, no volatility, no drama. Ha.
Maybe if she hadn't needed a lead guitar player. Maybe if she hadn't had to put together a tour with very little opportunity to get the kids to Nashville to spend time with their dad. Maybe if it hadn't become apparent they needed to do something to keep from losing each other.
Maybe if they hadn't had children together.
She had told Dr. Jensen there was an inevitability to her relationship with Deacon. When he had asked her to explain, she'd had trouble with the words. It had seemed ironic that she, someone who wrote lyrics regularly, would have a problem describing the relationship she had with her ex-husband. But words had never been enough to describe the bond they had. It had never been something easily defined. Oh, they'd written countless songs about their love for each other, but trying to explain it to someone like Dr. Jensen had been nearly impossible. It just... was. She glanced up at Deacon's face again. It still looked like he was asleep. She looked down.
"I'm not asleep." She looked up again and his eyes were almost slits as he looked at her and smiled.
She smiled back. "You're not?" He opened his eyes all the way and shook his head. "What are you doing?"
"Thinking. About you."
She felt a quiver of warmth race through her. "I was thinking about you."
Deacon
He tried to lay still. He just wanted to sink into the reality that Rayna was here, in his arms, in his bed. Their bed. He could feel her fingers ever so lightly grazing his chest. She was trying not to move, he could tell. He'd taken a chance, when he had pressed her, but he could feel in his bones that she needed him to do it. He never thought of Rayna as scared of anything. She was the strongest person he knew. But he knew she'd been afraid to let herself trust them. He understood it, knew he was the one who'd made it hard to even consider. He'd spend the rest of his life making it up to her. But he knew, when she walked in the door, that she was going to take the chance.
He actually wanted to pinch himself to make sure it wasn't a dream. Everything about her was still so familiar. The softness of her skin, the taste of her mouth, her smell. She still knew exactly where to touch him and what he liked.
He couldn't remember taking off her clothes or her taking off his. Or if they just took their own clothes off, although he sort of thought that wouldn't have been what happened. In any case, their clothes were on the floor, and they were lying on the bed, under the covers. He hovered over her, wanting to give her one more chance to say no if she didn't want to do this. He looked down at her. Her hair was spread out over the pillow. Her lips were a little puffy from the kisses. Her eyes were heavy-lidded and drew him in. Her hands were on his shoulders and he felt her shift slightly beneath him. "You sure?" he asked.
She nodded. "Yes," she whispered.
He kissed her then and felt sparks flying when she kissed him back enthusiastically. She moved against him, her body telling him she was ready, just like he remembered. He pulled his lips from hers and looked in her eyes one more time, then entered her swiftly. It seemed to take forever, as he moved inside her and she shifted herself around him, but he didn't care. He wanted it to last a lifetime, this feeling of completeness. The feeling he'd never had with anyone else. The feeling he'd only ever had with her. He moaned as he felt her fingers against his skin. Her lips. Her mouth. He stopped and pulled his mouth from hers and raised his head, looking at her. "If we do this, it changes everything," he said.
She smiled up at him. "I think we're already doing it."
He laughed softly. "I guess you're right."
He could see the emotions that stirred in her eyes, and he captured her mouth with his and started moving inside her again, everything about the act of loving her feeling like muscle memory. She let him tease her with his tongue and his fingers as he moved in and out with long, powerful strokes. Then she arched her back and gasped, her eyes closed. He felt her close around him as she cried out his name over and over. And then he let go as well, feeling like he was finally home.
"I'm not asleep." She looked up at him and he smiled.
She smiled back. "You're not?" He shook his head. "What are you doing?"
"Thinking. About you."
She lightly bit her lip. "I was thinking about you."
"What were you thinking?"
She smiled. "No, you first."
He put his arm around her and pulled her closer. "I was thinking that when I turned around and saw you standing at the door that I was dreaming. And how glad I was that I wasn't."
She nodded. "I was thinking that in spite of everything we've done to each other, that I still love you." He could see tears start to pool in her eyes. "It took me a long time to get here, but I hope it's just the beginning of our next chapter."
He brushed away a tear from her cheek, feeling his own emotions rising up in his chest. "I know I got a lot to make up for. A lot to prove. I know you're still scared and I want to show you that you can trust me."
"I am still a little afraid. This impacts all of us, Deacon, not just you and me, but I want us to try. It's why I still think we should see Dr. Jensen for a while."
He reached up and pushed her hair back off her face. He didn't really want to talk about that yet, especially with her in his bed. He kissed her gently. "I'm gonna spend the rest of my life making all this up to you."
She shook her head. "You don't have to do that. All you need to do is be the man I've always known you could be." She put her hand on his face and tilted her face up for a kiss, which he was happy to comply with. Then she smiled, a teasing smile. "Do you have food? I'm hungry."
He laughed. "I do. Canned spaghetti okay?"
He made sandwiches, not canned spaghetti, and they ate them together sitting by the fire. He had added more wood and they watched as it popped and crackled. When they were finished, he took her plate and set it on the coffee table along with his, then reached to pull her over. She pulled her legs up under her and leaned her head back on his shoulder. He grabbed the blanket on the back of the couch and pulled it over them, then draped his arm around her shoulder, threading his fingers through her hair. He turned his head and pressed his lips against her forehead. Under the blanket, she had her hand on his knee and he took his other hand and covered it. "You know what I think?" he asked.
She turned her head to look at him. "What?"
"I think you should come up here for Thanksgiving with me and the kids."
She didn't say anything at first. "Oh, I don't want to spoil your time with them." He let her sit with that a second and then she let out a self-deprecating chuckle. "I guess we need to figure out all that stuff, don't we?"
He laughed too. "Yeah, I think we do."
She sat up and looked at him. "I think we need to talk about it. How we tell Maddie and Levi. What happens next. All that."
"How you wanna do it?"
"When do you come back to Nashville?"
"I was thinking I'd drive back tomorrow."
"Why don't you come over for dinner tomorrow night? We could tell them we want to start seeing each other and see how they feel about it. Then maybe after they're in bed, we can talk about our next steps." She looked at him seriously. "I don't want to just change everything without preparing them, you know?" He nodded. "And we need to think about things like logistics and timing. I want us to have that figured out before we tell them how things will be." She lifted her shoulders then and smiled. "A family dinner will be nice, though, don't you think?"
He pushed her hair back and then leaned in, kissing her. "I do. You want me to bring anything?"
"Dessert. You can bring dessert. Something the kids like." She glanced over his shoulder and he knew she was looking at the clock on the back wall. She looked back at him. "I've got to get back. It's already almost 2:00."
He frowned. "Are you gonna be late picking up the kids?"
She shook her head. "Hannah's picking them up for me. But I told them I'd probably be home not long after they got home. And I don't want to keep Hannah any longer than I have to." She moved the blanket and got up, walking back towards the bedroom. He got up and followed her. She picked up her boots and then sat on the bed while she pulled them on.
He stood leaning against the door. "I wish you didn't have to go."
She finished pulling up her boots, then got up and walked over to where he was standing. She put a hand on his arm and kissed him. "Me too. But we'll get this all figured out." She looked at him thoughtfully. "I know next week is a holiday week, but I'm going to call Dr. Jensen's office and see if we can get in to see him. Talk about all of this and see what he suggests to help us navigate it all. Are you okay with that?"
He wasn't exactly sure what she had in mind, but he guessed he could see how it played out. Maybe it would be just one or two wrap up kind of sessions. "Yeah, I guess so."
She smiled. "Good." She walked past him then and into the great room, with him right behind her. She took her jacket off the stool and put it on, along with her scarf. Then she turned back to him. "You walk me out?" He nodded, taking her hand as they left the house, walked down the porch, and stopped at her car.
He pushed her gently against the car door. "I'm glad you came."
"Me too." She reached up and pushed his hair off his forehead. "Tomorrow night then?"
He smiled and nodded. "Yeah." He leaned in for a kiss. "Can I call you tonight?"
"Yeah, I'd like that," she said with a smile. "After Maddie and Levi go to bed."
He reached around her then and opened the car door, letting her walk around to get in. When she was seated, he leaned over. "Drive safe."
"I will."
He hesitated for a second. "I love you, Rayna."
She smiled. "I love you too."
He shut the door then and stepped back, watching as she started the car and began to back up. Just before she turned the car to face the road, she looked out at him and waved. He waved back, then watched as she drove towards the road and out of sight.
Rayna
She looked out the window. He was standing there, his hands in his pockets, watching her. He wasn't wearing a jacket, just a flannel shirt, and she thought he must be cold. His hair was still a little mussed up from their time in bed. She was far enough away that she couldn't see his face clearly but she was sure his eyes were sad, watching her leave. She raised her hand up in a wave and he waved back. She could still feel the warmth of his skin against hers and she felt a warm shiver. Then she looked towards the road and headed for the highway.
Even though she'd been nervous about going to the cabin, she'd been pretty sure how it would go. Except that she panicked a little bit after she got there. That whole crystal ball thing. But there were no crystal balls. And there were no signs or dream resolutions. There had certainly been a war between her head and her heart, but she had known when she woke up that morning that her heart had won out. Until she got there and was standing in front of him. And then he kissed her. And she'd panicked. Her head started talking to her, reminding her of the hurt and pain of the past and the potential future hurt and pain. Her head reminded her there were no guarantees.
I want us. Together. If you don't want that, just say it and we can be done. But just say one way or the other. That had reminded her of what she'd gone there to say. Oh, she still wanted them to keep going to see Dr. Jensen, because she thought it would help them navigate the transition. She still wanted to be careful how they presented things to their kids. She didn't want to forget everything they'd gone through, but she did want to forgive. What she had said at her mom's gravesite was true. She loved him so much. They had gotten all tangled up together from the very beginning, really. She had loved him even with all his flaws and he had loved her the same way. They still needed to mend the broken fences, but it would be better doing it when they were on the same side.
She felt a sense of peace, something she hadn't felt in a very long time. Lying in bed together, skin to skin, had made her feel vulnerable. She also knew it would have made him feel the same. But it had felt affirming as well. She was ready now for what was next.
She was downstairs, in the kitchen, when her phone buzzed. She saw that it was the number for the cabin. She put down the dishcloth she had in her hand, picked up the phone, and walked into the den. "Hey," she said.
"Hey. Kids asleep?"
"Yeah. Maddie was curious where I'd gone, but she didn't press."
"You really surprised me when you showed up like that," he said, a lighthearted tone to his voice.
"I did?"
"I had thought you might come, but when it got to be later in the week, I wasn't sure."
"I thought about it all week, really ever since we talked when you brought the kids home. The way we'd left things after we talked at the park. All of it made me realize we couldn't dance around it anymore. You were right. We needed to talk about that kiss. And everything else."
"I shouldn't've done that."
"Well, you did and it kind of forced me to stop going in circles and start moving in a straight line." She paused. "I'll be honest, Deacon, I'm still a little terrified, but I've loved you my whole life and I realized nothing was ever going to change that. So I had to figure out if I was just going to keep that to myself or act on it. And I'll tell you what, after today I was glad I acted on it."
"Me too." She could hear the emotions in his voice. "About all of that. I'm terrified too, Ray, but I'd rather be terrified together than not."
She laughed a little. "I guess we'll have a lot to talk about the next time we see Dr. Jensen."
"Yeah, I guess so. So, you thought about talking to Maddie and Levi?"
"Yes." She sighed. "I think just that we want to start seeing each other, see how things go."
"Sounds good."
"I think they'll be okay with the idea that we want to try to put our family back together. All together. The rest of it maybe we just play by ear?"
"Whatever you think is best works for me."
She frowned a little. "I need you to tell me what you really want to do, Deacon. Don't let this just be me deciding how this is going to go." She hesitated. "That's part of what got us into this."
She heard him sigh. "I'm sorry. You're right. I think letting them know what we want to do when we're together tomorrow is the right step. But I don't think we can drag this out too long. I don't know about you, but I think we should start really spending time together."
She smiled to herself. "I agree. What do you think we should do?"
"I think you should come for Thanksgiving at the cabin."
Deacon
He dropped Maddie and Levi at school and was headed for Rayna's house. The conversation with the kids had gone well. Levi was a little confused about things, but then he'd never known the two of them together. Maddie was more excited and enthusiastic, but Levi got caught up in the excitement even if he wasn't exactly sure what it all meant. He was most excited about the fact that Rayna had agreed to go to the cabin with them for the Thanksgiving weekend, although she wanted it to be a surprise for the kids. Following that weekend, more concrete plans regarding their living arrangements would follow. They had both agreed to take things slowly at first, giving them all a chance to adjust to the differences. He had still taken the kids for the week although he'd been stopping by Rayna's every day after dropping them off at school.
He pulled through the gate at the house and got out, jogging up to the back door and letting himself in. He took off his jacket and dropped it and his keys on the island. "Rayna?" he called out. He didn't hear anything, so he walked out into the foyer. "Rayna?" he called up the stairs. She appeared in the landing, coming out of her room. He smiled when he saw her. "Whatcha doing?"
"Packing. Come on up," she said, gesturing for him to come up the stairs. He hustled up the stairs and pulled her into his arms, kissing her. She kissed him back and then pulled back slightly. "I'm so glad you're here," she said, laughing.
"You are? How come?" He smirked at her. She had her hair pulled back and was wearing an old sweatshirt over a pair of jeans, along with a pair of wooly socks.
She walked towards her bedroom. "I need you to help me with my suitcase." He followed her and saw the clearly overstuffed suitcase on her bed. She waved her hand towards it. "I can't get it closed."
He shot her a look. "It's only 4 days. How much you bringing?"
She shrugged. "Probably too much, but I want to be prepared."
He shook his head. "Prepared for what? Jeans and a sweater for each day. That's all you need. One pair of boots."
"I'm not you. I like to change clothes every day."
He laughed. "I change clothes every day."
"I have seen you wear the same jeans for a week. And even a shirt a couple days in a row."
He put his arms around her waist and pulled her close. "I ain't heard you complain before."
She put her hands on his arms. "Just help me."
"Alright." He gave her a quick kiss, then turned to the suitcase, forcing it closed and zipping it up. Then he picked it up and put it outside her bedroom door.
"Thank you," she said with a smile when he turned back to her.
He crossed the room and put his hands on her waist. "You wanna fool around?" he asked with a smirk.
Her smile turned playful and she put her arms around his neck. "I could probably be persuaded," she said. He started to walk her backwards towards the bed when she stopped. "Oh, before I forget. We have an appointment with Dr. Jensen Monday."
He sighed. "You couldn't've waited to give me that news until afterwards?"
She laughed. "I suppose I could have, but I didn't want to forget."
He didn't want to keep talking about Dr. Jensen and hoped this was the last time she brought it up. "Okay, then. Noted." He pulled her close and kissed her, then continued walking her back until she fell back on the bed and he dropped down next to her.
Rayna
"Rayna," he whispered in her ear. She smiled but didn't move. They had been laying together like this for a while, reveling in the aftermath of lovemaking. His fingers grazed over her breasts, and she felt a quiver in the pit of her stomach. "Rayna," he whispered again, a little louder this time. She still didn't move, wanting him to continue touching her that way. She concentrated on the electric currents that trailed from where his fingers touched her skin and nipples, all the way down between her legs. He knew she loved this, the teasing. His fingers were barely touching her skin but the shock waves coursing through her body were like fireworks behind her eyes. She let out an involuntary moan. "You like this, don't you?" he whispered.
"Mm hm," she murmured. He concentrated on her nipples then and the heaviness between her legs made her groan.
He let his hand trail down over her abdomen, hovering right where she wanted him to be. She was breathing hard, waiting. "I want to see you, Rayna," he whispered.
She rolled over to face him, letting her eyes trail over his face. She reached up and touched his cheek with her hand. "Deacon," she whispered back, surprised at how shaky her voice sounded to her ears. He leaned forward and kissed her. She kissed him back. His hand trailed down her arm and then flattened against her bottom, pressing her closer to him, where she felt his erection, tight against her. She moaned. He pressed his lips to hers, then ravaged her mouth. She responded eagerly, hungrily. He finally rolled her onto her back, and she opened up her legs as he thrust himself inside her. She rocked against him, feeling herself already building towards orgasm.
The feel of him inside her was exquisite. The fullness, the friction, the way he filled her up. She gripped his shoulders, felt his hands at her waist as he kept thrusting, hard and fast. Her body was on fire. Then her orgasm exploded all around her, making her cry out with ecstasy. It felt like her insides had been turned out and she had a sensation of almost blacking out. His mouth was against her ear, and he shouted out something incoherent as she was barely aware that he had spilled himself inside her as the waves of pleasure ran through her.
She finally felt her body sink into the mattress, and he collapsed on top of her, seeming to cover her with his body. She let out a satisfied sigh, putting her arms around his neck to hold him close to her. He lifted his head, finally, and looked down at her, a smile on his face. "I love you, Rayna," he said softly.
She smiled back. "I love you, Deacon."
He moved off of her then and rearranged her so that his arms were around her and he was spooning her again. One leg captured hers and it truly felt like he was wrapped around her like a blanket. His face was against hers and he squeezed her just a little. "You happy?" he whispered.
She breathed in deeply. "Yeah, I'm happy," she murmured. It was true. In that moment, she was happy. She also knew there was more work to be done, for both of them.
She was putting things away from the dishwasher. Deacon was sitting on the edge of the island, watching her. "So, what's next?" he asked.
She put the plate away that she held in her hand, then turned to face him, leaning against the counter behind her. "We talk to Dr. Jensen," she said.
He took a deep breath, but she saw the flash of irritation cross his face. "Rayna, we're working things out now. I don't understand why we gotta keep seeing Dr. Jensen."
She frowned. "The fact that you don't understand is exactly why we need to keep doing it." He made that face he always made when he was frustrated and annoyed. "Deacon, we've been apart for almost 6 years. We're divorced. It wasn't amicable, it was painful. Hurtful. There are scars. It's not enough to say we love each other and we can do the rest. We loved each other back when you wanted to go out on your own and look how that ended up." She picked up a dishcloth and mindlessly wiped her hands on it. "I don't want to start down this road and then screw it up again. Why not spend some time figuring out how to do this right?"
"What if it don't work that way, Rayna? What if we just get mad at each other all over again?"
She looked away and shrugged. "Then we'll know." She looked back at him and sighed. "I don't understand why your answer is always to walk away. You've done it your whole life. Instead of facing things, you disappear. I really need you to not do that this time." He glared at her, then got off the counter and stormed off. She watched him, then sighed, and turned back to finish putting away the dishes. She'd had a conversation with Tandy just a few days before that had made her certain they couldn't just do things on their own.
It had been a while since she and Tandy had gotten together, just the two of them. She had driven over to her sister's townhouse and they had settled into her den with wine. Tandy reached out and grabbed her hand for a second. "I'm so glad to see you," she said.
She smiled. "Me too. I just really didn't want to sit home by myself and it's been a while since we've just had one of these nights."
"Deacon has the kids?"
She nodded. "Yeah."
"We'll miss them at Thanksgiving."
She swallowed and looked away for a second, then back at her sister. "Well, about that." Tandy looked like she was expecting something she wasn't going to like, which was true. "I, uh, I'm going to miss Thanksgiving too."
Tandy frowned. "Rayna, please don't tell me you're spending Thanksgiving with Deacon."
She smiled a little, then shrugged. "I'm sorry."
Tandy rolled her eyes, setting her glass down on the table. "Are you serious? Why would you do that?"
"Well, you know we've been meeting with a therapist..."
"Right, to talk about parenting."
"That's true. But talking about the past has just brought up a lot of things that Deacon and I have talked about together and it's just clear to us that we really want to be a family. Or at least try to."
"Rayna, this is crazy. That man has done nothing but cause you pain. Have you forgotten that? Have you forgotten how he left you high and dry when you were pregnant? How he left you and Maddie for his own selfish purposes? Not to mention all the pain he caused you when he was drinking."
"I haven't forgotten any of that. I don't think I could ever forget any of that. I want to forgive him though."
Tandy frowned. "Forgive? Seriously?"
She sighed. "One thing I have learned so far in therapy is that forgiving doesn't mean forgetting, but it means you're willing to let go of the anger and move forward. And I want that. Maybe you don't want me to forgive him, but that's my decision to make. And I didn't make it without a lot of thought. I love him, Tandy. He still loves me. No matter what we've done, there's that. And the fact that we have 2 children together."
"So you'd risk hurting them?"
"We're not jumping right back in. We're still going to see the therapist."
Tandy just looked at her for a moment. "Well, I guess that's something, but I still don't know if this is a good idea." She seemed to relax a little and reached for her hands. "With the two of you it's always all or nothing. Are you sure you're ready to get back into that again? Are you sure he's ready for it?"
She sighed. "The one thing I know for sure is that I'm always going to love Deacon. I do think he's trying to make amends. And I do intend for us to keep going through therapy because we need that. Bringing him out on my tour gave me a chance to see a new side of him."
"What about Maddie and Levi, Rayna? Are you willing to get their hopes up only to have it not work out?"
"Well, first of all, I'm not planning for it to fail. I believe both Deacon and I want to work at getting it right. And then we told the kids we wanted to start seeing each other again, so they know, and they're happy about it."
Tandy sighed deeply. "I know you're going to do whatever you're going to do, whether I like it or not." She couldn't help but smile at her sister. Tandy would always be protective. "Just be careful, okay?"
She sat back and held her hand up. "I promise."
She knew, though, that Tandy wasn't really on board and that she wasn't happy about it. She understood. Tandy had almost always been the one who was there to help her pick up the pieces when Deacon's drinking was at its worst. And she had definitely been there for the blow up of the marriage and everything that went on while she was pregnant. Tandy had been the one who'd brought her to the hospital and taken her home. Tandy had always been her ally, back to the days just after their mom had died. It wasn't that she hadn't considered everything Tandy had brought up. She had. But it was like she said, she was determined not to fail. Continuing with their sessions with Dr. Jensen was part of how she planned to make sure that happened.
After she'd put away the dishes and cleaned up the kitchen and great room, she walked down the hall. The French doors to her office were closed and when she looked in, she saw Deacon, sitting on the couch, bent over a guitar, writing in a notebook she knew was hers. She reached for the doorknob and walked in. He looked up at her. She walked over to the couch and sat down next to him. "What are you doing?" she asked.
"Writing," he said.
"Can I see?" He nodded and she reached for the notebook, picking it up and putting it on her lap. She could tell that he'd rewritten here and there but the verse he'd written out was good, she thought. The rivers between us are deep and dark as the secrets we keep. We stand on the shores, time runnin' by at our feet. The rivers between us are deep. She looked at him. "This is good. What's it about?"
"Us."
She looked back at it and nodded. "It does sound like us." She turned back to him. "I think we need the outside perspective Dr. Jensen gives us. And I believe he can help us develop the tools we need for the long haul. I know you've been frustrated with our sessions, but I would like for us to keep trying."
He sighed and then finally nodded. "I get it, Ray. I do."
She smiled, then putting a hand on the guitar, she leaned towards him and kissed him. "Thank you, babe."