"Yato."
Yato's eyes slowly opened to the autumn sunrise washing the night away with its gold and orange rays. He didn't jump like he used to. He didn't frantically search in the darkness when he heard her voice. It was his plague. Every night he'd hear her call out to him. Only, when he woke, she wasn't there. And lately, her voice was becoming harder to hear.
He knew it wasn't real. It's been three months since she was buried that he finally realized it wasn't a dream. Reality was that she was gone. The dream that he'd held onto for so long, that he would wake up from this nightmare, was finally starting to dissipate. He didn't hear her screaming all hours of the night in his mind anymore. The horrible memories of her body in the street, albeit impossible to forget, didn't haunt him day in and day out. All that was left now was the incessant pain in his chest that reminded him every single day she wasn't there and she wasn't coming back.
Kofuku and Daikoku did their best tread lightly around Yato and Yukine. It hit Yukine hard of course. There was a time, when Nora and Rabo had stolen Hiyori's memories, that Yukine feared losing Hiyori. He'd been a constant in his life too. Alongside his own grief, Yato had to shoulder the ceaseless stinging from Yukine and his sadness. But, Yukine had Kira. Kira stayed by Yukine's side as often as she could. He could lean on her on the really bad days. It was tough for Daikoku who was also upset that Hiyori had died, but also because he could see how upset Yukine was about it which made it hard not to feel hopeless. But he didn't want to sting his own master. He held it together the best he could for Kofuku, Yukine, and everyone else. Nobody really talked anymore. Yukine hardly ate and slept a lot in the beginning. After three months, he'd finally started coming around and having small talk with Kofuku and Daikoku.
But Yato had disappeared. After the funeral, he sat at Hiyori's grave for days. As the days went on, less and less people noticed him clutching to her tombstone. He'd figured that since Hiyori was his only tie to the nearshore, her dying meant he'd go back to being basically invisible and forgotten. He didn't care. He preferred it that way. He could wallow in his misfortune in solitude. Some days the sun shined as if the world wasn't missing her at all. Other days, his favorite days, rain poured in sheets that covered him like a blanket from reality. Like a child hiding in their bed from something scary and uncertain. The rain brought him the tiniest bit of comfort. From time to time, Kofuku and Daikoku would bring him something to eat because he never left. Then one day, he wasn't there anymore. Nobody had seen him since.
He'd wandered aimlessly most days. He'd either walk until he passed out somewhere or he'd give in, crawl up to her window, and fall asleep with his back against the cold glass. A couple of times he even stooped to going in her room and curling up on her bed. He'd cry relentlessly until his body gave out and forced him to doze off. It was too hard to bare. The smell of her still lingered in the sheets her parents wouldn't wash. All the lip balm and lip gloss that lay askew on her desk were now gathering dust, unmoved. Aside from her bed being made, nothing in her room had been changed. Her computer, battery now dead, was still open. The chair was pushed out as if someone had gotten up and never pushed the chair back in. Her closet door was wide open. The journal she wrote in regularly was on her nightstand, open to the week she'd passed. Sunday. Monday. Tuesday. Wednesday. Thursday. Then nothing. She'd never made it home Friday night to recap her adventures from the day like she'd done almost every other night.
He'd watched her parents come in and out of that room many times. Her mother would sit on the edge of the bed. Sometimes she'd smile. Other time she'd cry. Her husband would come in to console her. Even her brother had visited it once. Yato walked around the halls of her high school. Even though she'd graduated, it was where she'd spent most of the time he knew her. She never got to go to college. He sat on the swings in the courtyard for hours some days just watching the clouds drift across the sky until nighttime engulfed the horizon. Since he didn't have Yukine with him, he had to manage hiding from phantoms. It wasn't always easy but he couldn't go back to Kofuku's place. Not for a while. It was still too fresh. Seeing all of them under one roof would be too much for him. He didn't know when he'd be able to muster the courage to go back.
Yato found himself on a train to no particular place. Each stop that came and went, he stood in the same spot staring out of the window. One song on repeat in his headphones: Ghostkeeper.
Ghostkeeper. Why you always got to hang around here? They're all wishing that you'd disappear. You keep waiting on the air to clear.
Ghostkeeper. You're the only one that's still hung up, on the stories that we used to love. Is it ever going to be enough?
Ghostkeeper. All the mornings that you can't get through. And the nights when you're alone with you. Live a lifetime you'd still be confused.
Ghostkeeper. You keep holding on to what we were. While you tell yourself it's you who's cursed. But it's not your fault that I went first.
Towering buildings became sparce and open countryside filtered in. He looked forward once to notice he was the last one on the train and it was stopped, waiting for him to get off. He'd planned on staying on the train until he made up his mind on where to go but now he didn't have a choice. Yato sighed and, with his hands in his jacket pockets, walked off the train onto the concrete depot. The bell sounded and the train rolled off into the distance. The area didn't look familiar to him. The cloudy afternoon had given way to a foggy twilight that engulfed the tiny station in the middle of nowhere. Despite the unsettling scenery, it fit Yato's mood. Murky. Cold. Endless. He welcomed the silence of his surroundings. The chill of the evening clung to him like death on a corpse. But after so many days sitting in the rain, he felt akin to the walking dead.
He walked for what must have been hours. His slow but steady pace had been stifled by exhaustion and he dropped to his knees under a lamp post. Yato knew that falling asleep out in the open was like asking to be eaten by phantoms but at this point, he didn't seem to care anymore. He leaned his body against the post and quickly succumbed to his weariness.
In a dream, Yato was still walking. He knew it was a dream because he couldn't feel the physical pain in his body though the emotional pain transcended consciousness. Everything was black around him but the surface beneath his feet felt like pavement. There was no sound besides his boots against the ground. Looking around, he began to wonder why he was still walking. It's not as if he had anywhere to go. But, as long as he kept running, something in him felt like he might outrun his pain one day.
"Yato god," he heard a voice all around him yet distant. "Come. Rest."
He didn't know if he should trust the voice but he obeyed anyway and closed his eyes. His body felt like it was floating through the abyss. The once heavy hurt that weighed him down was nearly gone were it not for the sting in his chest that reminded him it would never truly leave.
There was no way to tell how long he'd been drifting in the darkness. A strange but familiar smell caught his attention. Salty. Earthy. Wet. He felt water on his face then disappearing only to come back again. Slowly, he opened his eyes to see a vast, gray horizon span over a blue-green ocean. Clouds painted the sky and obscured any sunlight making the late autumn chill sink into Yato's skin deeper. He became quickly aware of the cold and how wet he was. He was lying face down on the beach. He sat up and groaned as his body complained in aches making him realize he must have been laying there for a long time. Looking around, he could tell where he was. It was Chidorigahama; Ishigami-san's territory.
"I felt your presence when you wondered into the area," he heard a woman's voice calmly say behind him. He turned around to see Isigami-san in the same kimono from before, the breeze from the ocean making it dance and look like waves on the sand. "I could sense you were in need." She nodded slightly toward him.
"I didn't need anything," Yato said, aggravated, wiping the sand off his clothes.
"Your sleeping on the beach for two days tells me otherwise," she stated, her smile dropping from her face.
"Two days?!" Yato exclaimed.
"Something is troubling you. I can tell," Ishigami-san walked towards the water as it flowed in and out from the shore. "As gods, all we have is ourselves and each other. It's a risky business and not all gods have good intentions. I can understand why you may not trust me. But it is my job, as the god of this land, to help those who enter here."
Yato looked at the ground. What was he supposed to say? Suddenly, anger began coursing through him. He looked up at Ishigami-san, who must have sensed his mood change, staring back at him with sorrowful eyes. "You knew," he said through his teeth.
Ishigami-san didn't look away. "I did warn you."
"Warn me?" Yato clenched his fists. "Warn me?! Did you warn her?! You knew this would happen and you didn't say anything?! I thought you could alter the future if it didn't look good!" His voice continued to grow louder.
"I said sometimes," Ishigami-san said in a low voice. "I could not alter Hiyori Iki's future. It had already been decided."
"So this was the cost?!" Yato yelled furiously. "How is this granting her wish?! How is this making anyone happy?!"
"Not every detail works out how we wish them to," Ishigami-san remained calm. "Some parts of our stories take twists and turns and don't turn out exactly how we'd wanted. Even as gods, our time and how we spend it are not set in stone. We do the best that we can with the time we are given."
"Is this bullshit you're spewing supposed to make me feel better?" Yato seethed, tears escaping his eyes. "If I had known this was going to happen-"
"Would you have left her?" Ishigami-san interrupted. "What would you have done differently? You couldn't manage cutting ties with her at no fault of your own but even still, if you had left her she would have found you again because of that bond. There was no escaping this fate, Yato god."
"Don't you think I feel bad enough about this as it is?" Yato struggled as his voice began to break and tears fell like rivers down his face. "This is my fault. I think over and over again if I had just listened to Tenjin years ago, maybe that tie wouldn't have been there yet and making her forget would have worked. I would have missed her like hell but at least she'd be alive." He dropped to his knees, stifling sobs, his fingernails digging into his legs to try to distract himself from the emotional pain. "I've never felt this much hurt and yet feel nothing at all. How can losing someone take everything away from you but you feel so heavy you might break? I go from feeling numb to piercing at the sight or sound of anything that reminds me of her. I want it to go away so badly but I fear if it does, I'll really have nothing left of her. Why am I still here and she's the one dead? It should have been me. It should have been me so many times!"
Ishigami-san's heart broke for Yato. Seeing him so desperate and so lost made her wish she hadn't said anything to him that day. But it made no difference. The outcome would have been the same. "You must go on," she said as she placed her hand gently on Yato's shoulder. "If not for yourself and your duty as a god, but for her."
"I'm just a god of calamity," Yato sighed heavily, wiping his face and standing up. "I was created for no other purpose than to bring destruction and misery. Hiyori was just one more person my presence wreaked havoc on. I'll never be anything but a god of death."
It was the void again. Hiyori recognized it. She'd been there before but she couldn't recall the details. Everything seemed distant and fuzzy. Where had she come from? How did she get here? How long had she been here? Where is "here"? It was as if she was in an endless ocean. Her body was weightless and drifting in the abyss. Despite it being completely black, she didn't feel scared. It was peaceful. There was no physical pain. There was no emotional pain. She felt like a dandelion seed floating down a stream. She didn't fight the current. Instead she welcomed it.
But then, something in her chest. A dull ache. What was it? It didn't feel like it was coming from her. Rather, it felt like it was resonating to her as if some outside force was creating it. It grew until her heart could hardly bare the hurt. Then, almost as quickly as it started, it was gone. Hiyori put her hand to her chest. She couldn't feel her heartbeat anymore. Looking at her hands, she touched her right fingertips to her left hand but couldn't feel anything. She put her hands on her face, but still there was nothing. What had happened to her?
She closed her eyes and lulled back into what she assumed was sleep. Time didn't exist here. She started to wonder how long she'd be there. Was this forever? And she still didn't know how she even got there. After what felt like ages, she noticed a glowing orb in the distance. It took a while, but finally it was close enough that she could see what it was. It looked like an embryo.
Hiyori watched in curiosity as time went on and the embryo took form slowly. Fingers. Toes. Nose. Mouth. Eyes. She observed at it took on a human shape. It had dark hair. It reminded her of something, but she couldn't quite remember what. Once it was completely developed, it drifted away and Hiyori was alone again. She didn't want it to leave. For some reason she felt as if she shouldn't let it go. For the first time since she'd woke up in the void, she made her body move against the current. Hiyori kicked her legs and arms as hard as she could to try to catch up to the baby. But it was still just out of reach. There was a tingle on her cheek. When she reached up to touch it, she felt something wet. Tears? Was she crying? Sensations began coming back gradually. The hollowness of her body started to fill out again. She could feel her hands and her face. Looking down at her toes, she could feel herself wiggle them. Tracing her fingers up her legs, Hiyori noticed scars on the back of her calves. Where did they come from?
She took in a deep breath. It was like she was being reanimated. The current pulled her faster. She felt fear inside her. Where was it taking her? Was she leaving the void? Would she ever come back? The darkness around her began to fade away. Huge, pillowy clouds danced daintily across a bright blue sky. She could hear seagulls in the distance as more of the darkness fell away revealing white stone steps that stretched out before her. Hiyori felt water. Looking down, she realized she was standing in the sea. She could feel the heat from the sun on her back and the coolness of the water on her legs. Dressed in a plain, white kimono, she looked around and saw what seemed like people going on about their lives. Where was she?
"There she is!" a woman's voice claimed Hiyori's attention and she turned to see a small group of women standing at the base of the tori gate that towered over the top of the steps.
"Finally!" another woman's voice called out. She reached out her hand at Hiyori.
Hiyori looked puzzled. What was going on? Did she know these women? Did they know her? Why did this place feel so familiar but strange at the same time?
"It's alright," the woman with her hand out said, "you don't have to be afraid. We'll help you!"
"Help me?" Hiyori was taken aback by the sound of her own voice. How long had it been since she heard herself? She decided to trust the woman and walked up to take her hand. Her bare feet on the warm stone steps felt nice compared to the emptiness she'd felt floating in the nothingness.
"People have been talking to you and asking for you for a while now," another woman with short brown hair said. They all wore soft blue kimonos with pink ribbons tied around their waists. "We were wondering when you'd show up."
"Show up?" Hiyori asked.
"Of course!" the first woman said. "It's only natural that you're born after so many prayers!"
Prayers? What was she talking about?
"They built a shrine for you about three months ago," another younger woman said. "It's not often humans get shrines built for them, especially young humans."
"They built a shrine for me?"
"You must still not remember much. You were gone for a long time," the first woman stated.
Hiyori felt a tug on the bottom of her kimono. She looked down to see a small child, only about four or five, clinging to her leg. It was a girl, with brown hair and piercing blue eyes. A stabbing pain erupted in her chest. Why did those eyes look so familiar to her?! Who was this child?!
"She must be yours!" the second woman exclaimed.
"Mine?" Hiyori questioned.
"Let's go sit down and we'll tell you everything we know," the second woman walked her over to a table with four chairs and they all sat down. "You have a lot to catch up on!"