A Good Joke

by Siegward Verathil

Branded and villainized as the Archbishop of Pride. Betrayed, abandoned and tortured until the point of breaking. Subaru has developed a keen sense of comedy amongst other things. Re:forgotten with humor.

4. An All-night Prank

Fair warning: This chapter is dark and includes hard to read scenes.

Chapter 4: pre re-write, 20.2k words. Post re-write, 20.9k words.

---

"Hahahaha! What a lovely late-night prank! Just as I was dozing off to sleep while bored after talking to Inner me!"

Subaru laughed at this genius attempt at a prank. He had nearly gone to sleep as his nightly countdown reached its conclusion before he noticed the unknown prankster. His shadow hand that grabbed their arm, tightened its hold making them drop the knife to the ground.

"W-what is-" The prankster tried to speak before another shadow hand, larger than the one that held their hand, had grabbed their torso and squeezed, not tightly enough to not be able to breathe but tight enough to not let her be able to speak.

"Shhh. Don't talk, you'd only ruin the surprise. I wanna guess who you are hahaha." He then lifted the prankster in the air while turning them upside down and making them face the other direction so as to prevent their identity from being revealed.

Subaru rambled on in happiness. "What a true mystery this is! A prankster to guess on my first night here! How incredible! It's almost as if I'm forced to retur-... whenever I step inside a mansion. Ahh but usually it takes three or four days before that happens hahaha."

"I wonder who it could be! Let me think, let me think." He started running down a list of potential pranksters this late at night.

"Could it be Emilia-tan? Hmmmm~ No, she's too pure to prank someone who is asleep. That would be "Reaaaaally~" mean of her. Hahaha Emilia-tan always says the cutest things." He reasoned with himself.

"Could it be Beako?" He hummed to himself before speaking. "Very possible and she is a yin user too. It would be poetic if she pranks me in the middle of the night when shadows are all over the room, no?" He asked before shaking his head. "No, no. My cute little accuser wouldn't prank me like that, I suppose. Oh, woops, accidental joke."

Keeping a jovial tone as he continued down the list.

"What about Rem or Ram? Both times that happened were also late in the day." He smiled in nostalgia.

"Oh! Is it Jules? He always loved to drop by and announce how he's the 'greatest' of knights, hahaha." He laughed before thinking seriously about the mysterious assailant that was struggling to escape the invisible hand's grip.

"Hmm, you look like a girl... Ferris? That you? I really missed you and your random meows! Are you here to talk about our love lives? Or are you here because cats love to roam around at night?" He looked at the prankster with genuine happiness now, before it dramatically died once he realized this person has no cat ears or a tail.

He pouted before putting his actual hands in the air in a surrender motion. "I give up! I ran out of guesses. I really wished it was Ferris or Juli, but oh well. Let's see who's pranking us on this wonderful evening."

He used his shadow hands to carry her next to the window where the moonlight was shining through. Then he turned her upside again and made her face him. Revealing her identity to him.

...

"Well, well, well. If it isn't the little tamer. To what do I owe this late-night prank?" His face was brimming with joy at this unannounced visit. His fun was ruined earlier by his inner self, and now it was restored a hundredfold! No, a thousandfold!

"...e" She choked into the air as she couldn't speak since the hand that held her torso had a tight grip.

"You have my full undivided attention." He put his actual hands on his face in anticipation as he listened intently.

"No need to be shy. I won't hurt you. I mean, technically speaking, I'm all the way over here while you're over there. Go on, go on. Humor me. Indulge me. Inform me. Enlighten me. Educate me. Explain to me the origin of your prank." He spoke to assure her. After a few seconds, he realized his unseen hand was at fault here.

"Oh woops, my bad. In my excitement to guess who you are, I forgot that I had a hand there so you wouldn't ruin the guessing game." He spoke in an apologetic tone as he slowly loosened his shadow hand's restrictive grip on her, although still keeping her afloat.

"Sorry 'bout that. Now then, why are you trying to scare prank me this late at night? Not that I mind. But still, I was just about to doze off when you interrupted my nightly countdown. By the way, if you're going to scare prank me, don't breathe so loudly just before you do it. Your steps were excellent though, well done! Couldn't even hear you walk!"

"I wasn't trying to kill you M-Mister." She spoke trying to sound innocent.

"Gotta say, with that tone all you need now is a puppy in your arms and you would look exactly like the version of you I see up here." Subaru knocked on his head before he paused in realization at her words.

"Umm.. Can you let me down nooow, please? I don't like heights." She spoke more innocently, while still trying to get out of the invisible grip.

"Oh yeah, one sec. Sorry about that, misunderstandings and all. It happens to everyone, I should know." He started slowly lowering her. "Oooh~ and what's this knife for?" He said as he picked out the kitchen knife from the floor. Pausing her descent.

She looked nervous.

"What an interestingly large knife for a late visit, don't you think?" He inspected the knife before turning his attention towards her.

"Oh, wait did you say kill me? You're telling me you were here to kill me instead of pranking me? Hahaha! Fantastic! This is exactly what one should do in order to bask in this handsome guy's~ love!" He struggled to contain the excitement he felt as he stared directly into her eyes. This prank has gone up to an 11!

She couldn't reply to him out of fear as he reminded her of Mama just now whenever she'd threaten her of what would happen if she fails a task. His scary eyes made her avoid his gaze.

"Elsa must be proud of you! You've even quickly gone up the ranks in my head from tamer to assassin! But... Why were you trying to kill me, my assassin imagination? Are you here for my bowels like Elsa too? I wish she was alive. She was so SOOOOO~ much fun! Ahh I'll never forget how she went out in a blaze of glory." Grinning ear to ear at that memory.

She shook off her fear and glared at him once he mentioned her sister's death. She was about to answer when he interrupted her first.

"Still no answer? That's very disrespectful." He spoke in a serious tone.

He cleared his throat for a second then took a deep breath before speaking out.

"Now listen here, rude girl. Do you think you can just come into my room and disrupt my countdown while I'm, peacefully mind you, trying to go to sleep? Is that an appropriate behavior for one so young? Is that really what children your age are being taught? I'm peacefully co-existing and being greedless, and yet you deign to disrespect my perfect self without a care for any consequences. How unsightly and unruly your manners are. Here I am, a generous and humble person, extending my hand, both literally and figuratively, for you to hold down and help you out. Meanwhile, with the other, you eagerly try to kill me." He used a stabbing motion in the hand that wielded the knife to express his point.

"I do believe that qualifies as a violation of my rights. An atrocious act upon mine existence." As he said that, the shadow hand that was grabbing her torso started to tighten its hold on her again making her wince and gasp as she struggled in vain.

"Myself, a divine being, has asked you to politely reveal your purpose of this prank. And yet you are not able to even stutter any meaningful words or simple explanations. Instead, you are looking away in guilt and staying quiet like a child would when being scolded. Tarnishing both my generosity and your upbringing further and further." He stopped to catch his breath for a second.

He sighed and used his actual hand to wipe his forehead. "Whew. I always wondered if I had the speech capabilities of that wiseman. I feel like I've run a marathon from speaking that long without rest."

He relaxed his hold on her to let her breathe again. She started coughing loudly.

He looked at Meili and had an idea.

"Hey Meili, that word I used in that speech... Scolding. Do you know what that means?" He asked her, his face forming a teasing smile. "It means that maybe I should invite... Mama."

She paused her coughing and her eyes widened upon hearing that name.

"Maybe I should let Mama do the scolding. She had her own fun ways of punishing wouldn't you say? Oh, how fun it was to receive this gift from her!" He lifted his sleeve to show her his right hand.

"Such a lovely lady~ she was. Truly the embodiment of all virtue of love and beauty in the world~. Kyahahahaha!" His smile became a grin now.

He returned the sleeve back and then took a look at her. She appeared pale and seemed shaken, her eyes trembling and teeth chittering.

"Hey, Meili you alright? You look pretty pale over there. Maybe Mama should check your health?" He giddily teased her again.

"No, no, no..Ple-"

His shadow hand started to tighten its grip on her once again.

"se..." She whispered. Struggling to escape her confinement.

"What's wrong, my assassin imagination? Did an angry kitten get your mouth? Garfi does do that sometimes. He got my gate that one time even."

He then let her go again.

Meili regained her breath then she started muttering. "N-not...M-Mama.." She pleaded with him as she looked down with her hair blocking the vision to her face.

"P-please n-not Mama.."

He smiled proudly at the way she said it. "Much better manners now! You've significantly improved, dare I say. You've become such a polite assassin all in the span of five minutes hahaha. Tell you what, I definitely feel proud. But I bet you also made your sister proud and your Mama very VEEEERY~ proud!"

She trembled at hearing that name again and looked downwards.

He shifted his gaze towards the knife to inspect it. "You know something? That word 'Please.', it's such a nice word. Such a polite word isn't it? You know, they never once listened when I said 'Please' while I was being held like that." He spoke in a soft tone as if he was thinking about something else.

He flipped the knife in his hand.

"Knives and all."

- O -

Day 4.

Return by death checkpoint: day 1.
Total deaths since imprisonment: 1.

"Archbishop of Pride." A knight's face scrunched in disgust as he tied Subaru's hands together and hoisted him up by the ceiling. "You are a plague upon this world. The only reason you're alive is because of the vital information you clearly possess and are withholding like a coward." The knight said as he took out a sharpened knife.

"P-please, just listen to me! I'm innocent, I swear I'm innocent! I'm not the Archbishop of Pride! I'm not even affiliated with the Witch's Cult! Just because I have a smell on me doesn't mean I'm part of them! I despise them! I hate them even more than you guys do damn it! Look, I'm Natsuki Subaru, E-Emilia's knight.. And like I said before, my name was taken by Lye Batenkaitos! ALL of this is one giant misunderstanding! Bring someone here who can detect lies and you'll know! Everyone will know! Get Emilia and Beatrice here and I can prove it..." Subaru tried reasoning with the knight.

He had been trying to reason with them for 4 days nonstop. They never once listened or questioned his words. He kept hoping they would believe him, kept hoping Emilia and Beatrice would come and clear out this misunderstanding any day now. He kept wondering why Reinhard stayed quiet when he knew he was telling the truth.

The last time he had seen any of their faces, was them looking at him in anger and disgust as he was dragged away. He kept screaming and shouting until his throat was sore that he was innocent but they all condemned him regardless.

When he couldn't scream anymore, he tried killing himself but it didn't work as Felix was nearby and healed him. When he woke up in the cell, he immediately killed himself only to find out his save point had been changed.

"Quiet!" The knight shouted as he stabbed the knife into Subaru's side towards a non lethal area. "GAAAAH!" He then twisted the knife to cause even more pain. "Ghk-" Subaru's unable to voice out anything from the pain. His eyes kept opening and closing as he tried to focus on his surroundings.

"I was told to be wary of your tricks and lies. You truly are a plague. You dare claim being a candidate's knight, in front of me? You dare to claim innocence after all the lives you and your wretched cult have taken?" The knight unsheathed another knife.

Subaru was wheezing as he could barely breathe.

"Haah..haah..haa...In...no...cent.." Subaru choked out a whisper.

"You dare say that again?!" The knight then brought his knife toward Subaru's right leg. Stabbing him in the ankle.

"No...pl..ea—ARGH!" Subaru could barely say the words as searing white pain invaded his mind.

"Disgusting filth. The darkness of your soul is visible upon your body. Witch Cultist." The knight said as took out another knife and aimed it at the other ankle. "N-no...do..nt..pl..GAAHH!"

"Tell us of what you know, Archbishop. Or this will only be the beginning, I promise." The knight said hatefully as he took out another knife.

"N-not...an..arch..bishop..." Subaru said with great difficulty.

"How dare you say that yet again!" The knight proceeded to claim a toe. Making Subaru yell out again however due to the knife stuck at his side, each time he moved the pain increased. He started vomiting from both the pain and the sight.

"Haa..h...ha...h...Su..ba..ru...I...m...INNOCENT!" Subaru tearfully roared out with all his strength. But the knight was enraged and proceeded to cut off his entire foot, making Subaru faint from the shock and blood loss. Until Felix stepped in and healed him, then he fried his nerves to wake him up and resume the interrogation with that method instead. He would do anything to find the cure for his lady.

- O -

He dropped the knife as he remembered that. His smile wavered off for a moment before it returned.

"It was such a wonderful time I had! So many knives were used that time. I do hope they didn't make them rusty from all the blood. Oh, hey you stopped talking." He noticed her going quiet.

"Time to do this face-to-face." He lifted her face to meet his gaze.

Her face was marred with tears and she seemed to be whimpering the moment she saw his scary eyes. "P-please.. M-mister..n-n-not Mama.." She stopped struggling to move as she remained hung in the air with tears wetting her cheeks and falling to the floors.

He started laughing. "Pffft HahahaHAHAHA! Calm down, Meili. I was just copying good old Regulus when I said all that long-winded speech. I won't hand you to that lovely lady don't worry. How about I give you a doll based on Mam-"

That's enough. Let her go, Pride, you've made your point. Stop this already.

Pride pouted. "Such a party pooper. Always coming out when you're not wanted. Isn't it fun when the tables are turned?"

You're literally traumatizing a little girl. Hell, you've already done more than traumatize her look at how scared she is.

"And how many little ones did she traumatize and scare with her puppies?" Pride countered his inner self.

She's just a child with a bad influence and made mistakes that can be corrected. Let her go.

He rolled his left hand's sleeve. "Hmmm~ there's the mistake marks. Besides, she herself said she's here to kill us. Why should I let her go? This is self-defense if anything. I'm being discriminated against here, you know? I have feelings unlike you." He spoke in a fake hurt tone.

I reckon she's trying to kill us because she's scared of how you sound to her. Probably because you reminded her of that crazy bitch Capella, or maybe because of the stories. Look, point is, Meili isn't guilty of what happened to us. She is innocent.

"Don't you just remember that innocence? It was so adorable! Especially when she presented the cute little puppy, and what an adorable little chomp it did! All the village kids loved it so SOOOO~ much that they pulled an all-nighter! It even made Ram shamelessly scream from the overload of cuteness that one morning hahaha" Pride chuckled as he remembered those fun days. He gazed at Meili as he said that. She wasn't paying attention to him instead she was in a trance, praying and pleading to not see Mama again.

*sigh* Like I said. She just made a mistake, a bad one but no one was harmed. Let her go. She's a child for crying out loud. We can correct her behavior but not like that.

He raised his hand to start counting. "Petra, Meina, Lucas, Mildo, Dyne and Cain, Rem, Petra again and finally Frederica. That's not to count our fun times, no? It's all very eye-opening." Pride finished with a happy tone. His inner self responded but Pride focused on his surroundings instead. He noticed she hung her head down so she wouldn't see his eyes.

"Now then... Mama's little girl." He lifted her head again which made her start whimpering even more once she heard that. "N-no, d-dont, don't, don't..."

"Why did you come here to kill me? I'm wounded! I thought we were having such a fun time together my imagination." Pride brought his hand to his heart and spoke out in a hurt tone. As his shadow hand started slowly tightening around her torso.

Pride get out. Let me in. Let me talk to her. Don't do this.

"Yes, yes. But have you ever considered how I feel about it, Inner me?" He spoke in a very sad tone. "I'm so hurt by your lack of consideration." He brought a hand to wipe a fake tear from his eye.

His shadow hand tightened around her torso even more. She began gasping heavily.

Pride. That's enough.

Pride loosened his hold. However a second later and Meili's eyes lost focus. Pride had summoned another shadow hand and broken her neck instead.

Why did you do that? I said she's innocent of what happened to us!

"Such a great GREAAAAAT~ reaction! I'm loving it!" Pride exclaimed.

Pride.

Pride paused and spoke seriously. "What? What exactly are you trying to justify here, Inner me? She was literally here to kill us! Even you heard her. Do you think I would just let her go like that? What if she interrupts my nightly countdown again? Do you know how hard it is to count down from the start when you're trying to sleep without having to worry whether an assassin would show up or not? Great, now I'm the one using boring logic." He finished with a bored sigh.

Before his inner self could respond the door was opened.

---

"Subaru-kun? I heard noi-" Rem said as she entered.

"W-what happened over here? Are you hurt, Subaru-kun?" Rem asked as she saw the floating body of Meili.

"Gone from being pranked by the little assassin to now Rem-rin. What a fun all-nighter I'm pulling!" Subaru said excitedly. As he slowly descended Meili towards the ground and gently sat her down.

"Did she do anything to you?" Rem asked again in concern.

"Hey, Inner me. Do you want to see something familiar?" Subaru ignored Rem and asked himself.

A second later Rem was immediately grabbed by a shadow hand and held her out in front of the window by the torso.

"H-h-huh?!" Rem exclaimed as she was lifted.

"S-Subaru-kun?!" Rem shouted as she was very confused at what just happened.

"Hahaha I admit this brings back so many memories. Tell you what, my most authentic imagination of Rem. Just seeing you like this makes me want to twist and twist and TWIIIIST~ from excitement!" Subaru chirped as he summoned four hands to grab her ankles and her wrists. Hoisting them up in the air.

"Subar-" Rem immediately choked as the hand that gripped her torso tightened.

"Ahhh, my brain TREEEEMBLES~ at this scene! Isn't this familiar? It looks familiar, perhaps it's familiar, it could be familiar, maybe it's familiar, probably familiar, of course it's familiar because it's familiar."

"Don't you agree that this seems familiar? In more ways than one even." Subaru asked his inner self. Who had gone quiet all of a sudden, ever since Rem appeared.

"You know something? This reminds me of a good joke."

- O -

Day 22.

Return by death checkpoint: day 10.
Total deaths since imprisonment: 3.

Strapped On a rack was a falsely accused raven-haired man on his 3rd week. Tied to it by the ankles and wrists.

He still held out hope that Emilia or Beatrice would come in and clear out this entire misunderstanding. He kept hoping for them to come in and take him home. Of this being the prompt that Emilia needs to confess her feelings for him. Of hopefully seeing Rem again, even if she was asleep, and telling her of how his daily life had been for the past few weeks. He knew in his mind he would be upset at Emilia and Beatrice for a while before eventually forgiving them.

His negative view of himself had all but exploded during his time here. Scratching his arm every time he was alone and thinking he deserves this for whatever reason he could think of.

"Please.. please.. I didn't do anything...I'm Emilia's knight... Like I told you Julius... My name was eaten by Gluttony too..please believe me..Get someone who can tell lies..Y-you'll know...G-get Emilia and Beatrice..." Subaru said with labored breaths.

"GRHHH!"

A lever was used to extend his wrists and ankles while another lever was to twist all four limbs to unnatural levels. "Hush you deceitful scum." A knight stood at the upper half of the rack while holding the lever to extend them.

He then let go of the lever, and Subaru returned to breathing heavily. "I'm...Suba.." The other lever was used to twist, making him scream out again.

"Once again, you have been identified as the Archbishop of Pride by the Great spirit Beatrice. Emilia-sama said she did not recognize you despite your claims, and my friend Reinhard said nothing in your defense either. And yet you still continue to deny your heinous crimes. You still continue to lie that you are Emilia-sama's knight, an insult to all knights who would hear you." Julius said while interrogating him. As he nodded to the knight operating the lever to stop.

Julius looked at him with pity and disgust. "I will repeat what I have told you. Give me what I wish to know, give my friend Felix what he wishes to know. Tell me of the Witch Cult's next move and I give you my word that this will all end."

"I'm..not...a cul..tist..ple..ase..J-Julius.." Subaru said with difficulty,

"Silence. Do not speak my name in your treacherous voice, Archbishop of Pride. I will not fall for your tricks however many times you continue this charade." Julius nodded towards the knight again.

The levers were pulled again, this time lasting until something cracked. "AAHHHHHH!"

Julius then told the knight to stop

"What a wretched scum." The knight said as he watched the scene unfold.

Julius let out a heavy sigh before speaking. "I will ask you once again. Why are you the only one who can remember me? How do I restore the fact that I am Julius Juuklius without resorting to using my friend Reinhard? How do I wake the man who resembles me, whom you identified earlier as my brother? What is the Witch's Cult's next move?"

Seeing as how Subaru didn't speak up. He told the knight to continue until more things cracked, making Subaru scream out even more from the pain.

"K...ill..m..." Subaru whispered as a tear came out of his eye. He fainted before he could finish his sentence.

- O -

Subaru's smile again wavered before his expression shifted into a joyful one. He proceeded to tell her the good joke he thought of.

"What do Witch Cultists and Knights have in common? They both like to twist and stretch things out hahaha! Such a good joke!"

He then dismissed the hands that held her arms and legs. And loosened the one that held her torso a bit as she was gasping for breaths.

"Sorry about that Rem. I didn't mean to turn you bluer than you already are." He spoke to her apologetically.

"S-Su..baru-kun...why.." She struggled to let it out.

"I once asked the exact same thing to a blue Oni, funny isn't it? What a nostalgic evening this is! Hey, by the way, Inner me should've said that we're both victims of things that are more than just Gluttony." He said as he smiled with nostalgia.

Why are you doing this, Pride? There is no point to all of this... Rem is actually here for our sake. Out of everyone in the mansion, she's the one who was in a coma while we were imprisoned.

"You know it's funny that you say that, considering if she was in Priestella we wouldn't have made it to our old home alive. I'm pretty sure we would've been without a limb or two. Oooh! Now I wish she was in Priestella! She would've joined our best friends as the female of the group!" Pride told his inner self. As he tightened his shadow hand around Rem again.

You're forgetting the fact that we forgave her for what she did to us. She's nothing more than a victim, just like us. Let. Her. Go.

Pride loosened his hold.

"Wrong. She's done several things to us. She was our first best friend. Besides, this is her imagination. And what a realistic imagination it is! Jeez. Calm down. It's not like what I'm doing has any effect on the real Rem-rin that's still pranking the world by sleeping."

She's real, I confirmed it.

Rem kept trying to exhale and inhale for a few more seconds before she turned towards Subaru. "S...S...baru... I...so..." She coughed as she couldn't finish the sentence.

"I...lo...v..."

"Huh? What was that? Wait, hang on, let me get closer. I don't have demi-human hearing after all, you know?" Pride said as he stepped a little closer to her.

"m..so...rry...I...love...yo..u..." Rem groaned it out with difficulty. She was heavily struggling to breathe.

Pride sighed. "As always, when saying "sorry" doesn't work they resort to those hilarious three words. A slothful wiseman once said, 'Love must be repaid with love.'" He walked closer to her "That said, Rem let me tell you something. A secret just between you, me and my Inner me. The funniest thing you will ever hear."

His mouth was at the corner of her ear.

"I love Satella."

In another part of the mansion.

A pink-haired Oni instantly woke up breathing very rapidly with anguish visible on her face and feeling extreme heartache. She clutched her chest as her mind was panicking.

'R-Rem...?'

---

"Whew! Talk about an explosive finish! What a great demonstration hahaha! Hey, that's 1 out of 2 for us in terms of both, fun times and twins!" Pride said as he wiped his face with his hands. Cleansing off all the blood and organs. One of his eyes started to glare intensely with a red glint being visible.

Subaru's right hand moved out of its own and started choking him.

"Ghk!"

His left hand tried to take away the right hand, but it stayed still choking him.

As he neared losing consciousness, Pride struggled to speak the words. "Re..turn..by..Dea-"

Both Pride and his inner self felt their heart being gripped, which removed the right hand from his throat.

*Cough* "So rough!" *Cough* "And it's only our first..*Cough*.. night in the mansion after so long! And here I thought you were the gentle type~" He cooed in a playful tone.

I despise you. The inner voice spoke out in a very cold and hateful tone.

"Ara~ what did I do to deserve such harsh treatment~? Besides, it's a bit ironic to hear you say that to me. You do realize I'm y-" Pride began to explain before being interrupted.

Monster. That's all you are.

"Technically. Rem's the monster, no? Horn and all. Glowing eyes too. Kills and tortures innocents because they haven't showered. Oops I meant was the mons-" His right hand again moved to choke him, but Pride intercepted it.

"Ok, ok, ok! Stop it! Stop it! Uncle! Uncle! It was just bad timing for a joke! Uncle! Uncle dammit!" He said as he struggled containing his right hand who went at him with more vigor.

"I can return by dea-" Pride said the words again as his inner self summoned several shadow hands this time.

"Look. I admit that was too soon of a joke on my part. My bad, ok? I'll be the bigger self. As a certain silent Sword saint would often say: "I beg your forgiveness Inner me-sama."," Pride bowed elegantly and apologized to his inner self. Who didn't respond and seemed to have gone completely quiet.

"On to happier news, at least we don't have to worry about repainting the walls. Repaying love with love does come with benefits. Although I think we made too much noise, let's see if anyone else is awake to join in on the night prank." Pride said as he exited his room. He placed Meili on the bed. He thought it'd be a waste to leave a fresh bed unattended to. A good deed to bring a smile to his inner self, he thought.

He then carried Rem to her room nearby, he even gently tucked her in before moving outside. Another good deed for his inner self's smile.

---

Walking through the silent corridors. He came by Roswaal's office. Wondering if the clown was up for a late-night prank.

As he entered, he saw the moonlight shining through the window. He saw Roswaal's wheelchair. He turned it around but found no one. He then took a look around and found Roswaal asleep on a bed in the office. Disappointing Subaru who was about to leave.

Until suddenly—

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

He heard a familiar scream. Subaru shook his head at this.

"Someone's doing something shameless this late at night. Must be Nee-sama, what a pervert. She has no respect for sleeping people. Poor Roswaal if he finds out."

Roswaal's eyes opened from that wail. Staring again in one direction.

"Oh hey, Roschi. Ram woke you up too?" Roswaal's eyes immediately moved to the source of that voice, Subaru.

"I'm sorry to say that she's doing heartbreaking stuff. Hey, it's fine, it'll be fine. I know it hurts, knowing she loves you and all." He heaved a puking noise.

He recovered from fake vomiting at the image of Roswaal and Ram as his hand gently rubbed Roswaal's back in a comforting way. "There, there. it's ok. Let it all out, you'll feel better afterwards."

Subaru attempted to console his fellow clown of destiny. "Anyway, you still got a witch who loves you, I think. And she could make delightful, delectable, DELICIOUUUUS~ stuff out of her body fluids. I should know, I've tried her after all! Hahaha" He spoke in a suggestive tone as he started chuckling

Roswaal's lips moved again, but no answer came. Only a small croak.

"What was that you wanted to say?" He patiently waited for a few more seconds before shrugging. "Well, since we're both up, why don't we go around to have fun? It seems that we're pulling an all-nighter after all." He said excitedly to Roswaal. He used Invisible Providence to princess carry him up and guide him gently towards the wheelchair. Roswaal's eyes had a look of curiosity the entire time.

Just before he could place Roswaal in the chair, the door immediately opened up. A very angry Oni with tears coming out of her eyes stood at the door.

"You...? You did... This?! Why?! WHY?! WHY DID YOU KILL REM?!" Ram shouted with anger as she glared murderously at him, wind was surrounding her. Roswaal's eyes widened as they focused on Ram before shifting to Subaru. His mind couldn't believe what Ram has just said.

Subaru summoned another shadow hand, before speaking to Ram.

"Hello, I'm sorry, but it's pretty rude to interrupt. Didn't you see Roschi and I were having a man-to-man talk? But I'm sorry he was feeling very down from finding out about your late-night activities. I feel very but I have to ask what you have to say for yourself? Thank you, I'm sorry?" Subaru lifted Roswaal in the air and brought Roswaal closer to him. as a sign to calm her down.

"Or are you here to make up and offer your full devotion towards Roschi? It seems like we can have a happy reunion. Feel free to exchange love. Also, I'm sorry, but can I suggest a tea party for couples thera-" His cheek was cut with a fura spell. He immediately brought Roswaal closer as a shield.

"Let Roswaal-sama go." She said a voice filled with hate. She couldn't attack since Roswaal was far too close to Subaru. Roswaal's eyes kept staring at Subaru with shock that he killed Rem.

"Thanks for the razor shave Nee-sama! I think I have a better idea," Subaru spoke calmly towards her. A nostalgic smile appeared. What Ram didn't know was that Subaru was stalling until his shadow hand nearly reached her throat.

"You want him don't you?" He teased as he dangled Roswaal with the hand that was lifting him.

"You know if you beg and bark I will let him go. How's that sound?"

- O -

Day 80.

Return by death checkpoint: day 71.
Total deaths since imprisonment: 16.

A man with raven hair, that has now grown white strands caused by all the torture and stress, was lying down on the cold floor of a dark lonely cell for over two and a half months.

By now he was used to the loneliness of his cell. He was unbothered by the stench of rot or blood that filled his nose every time he woke up. He had counted down every single stone and bar multiple times out of boredom.

He had even begun drawing, using his own blood, words, songs or names that reminded him of certain happy times or happy places he wished with all his heart to see again.

"I want to get out... I want to go back home... I-I want to see mom and dad again really, so badly, so much...That's all I want...Please..." Subaru whispered in prayer while scratching his hand. He had given up on getting out of here by his 3rd week. He now simply wanted to die and be released from the daily torture and for the pain to stop. He started praying to the gods one by one from every civilization he knew of, hoping for one of them to answer him.

Sometimes he would pause praying and start imagining how his life would play out if he didn't do certain things. What if he never left his house to go to the grocery store? What if he didn't meet Emilia? What if he tried harder to let Rem take his hand? What if he chose to let Beatrice burn in the mansion or accepted Echidna's help? What if his name was never eaten by Gluttony? What if Reinhard didn't remain silent?

He would often enact dialogues and scenarios of when they'd remember him. What'd they tell him and what'd he tell them. Would he even be alive to see their faces when they finally realize what they've done to him? Would he even be himself - the one that they used to know - or just a completely unresponsive shell?

That's as if they'd ever come for him... Tears began rolling out of his eyes as he knew - he would never be the same.

By now his love for any of them has completely faded. He realized he couldn't forgive Emilia or Beatrice or anyone involved for a very long time, if ever. His bitter tears were the proof as he continuously imagined scenes of them being happy. Happily living in ignorance. Happy that he wasn't interfering in their lives. Happy that he was getting tortured daily in here thanks to them. Emilia was probably overjoyed at having someone else be her knight. Beatrice was most likely elated at contracting another person.

He couldn't tell how long he was in this hellhole anymore. A part of him wished he remains alive solely to see the regret on their faces before he passes on.

"Oi, Pride." Said a knight with a gleeful smirk while holding down a piece of food as if it were bait. Catching his attention instantly.

"You want this, don't you?" He dangled it in front of him.

"Y..yes.." Subaru answered him in a quiet voice. He hated that they kept calling him Pride and kept refusing his answers and pleas. He hated himself for thinking Emilia was the heroine who'd save him. He hated himself for rescuing Beatrice. But most of all he hated how weak and powerless he was, not being able to escape from here no matter what.

The knight's boisterous laugh echoed as he brought the piece of food close to Subaru's grasp, before instantly changing direction just before Subaru caught it. Making other knights nearby chuckle at this display.

"Awww too bad. You weren't quick enough. Tell you what. If you beg and bark, I will give you this. How does that sound, Pride?" The knight offered.

"Woof...woof.. please give me food...woof..." He got on his knees in a dog-like pose as he was told to do, it would be better than getting tortured at least. There was no end to their creativity or cruelty, every day was as long as a lifetime. It was extremely ironic for Subaru that these monsters are called Knights. The Witch Cultists were more humane than them.

He got kicked in the face.

"I said beg and bark. Do it louder!" The knight ordered.

"WOOF PLEASE GIVE ME FOOD! WOOF!" Subaru yelled out. On the inside, he was cursing himself, repeatedly.

"Pffft hahahaha! This is the Archbishop of Pride, everyone! A pathetic dog! A humiliated Pride!" The knight mocked as he spat on the food and tossed it to Subaru.

'A pathetic dog! A humiliated Pride! A pathetic dog! A humiliated Pride!' Echoed in his head.

"Not a dog... Not Pride... I'm Subaru...I'm not an Archbishop... I'm a half-elf's...nobody...A Great Spirit's..nobody either...A forgotten nobody...A pathetic nobody..." He whispered quietly as he slowly ate the food, making sure to savor it since he was used to getting starved in here.

He restarted his prayer in his mind once he finished eating. Until he fell asleep on the cold floor and was visited by Satella who was always there to comfort him and weep for him, the only person who truly cared for him despite the entire world seemingly hating him. His one source of warmth. How she wished she was out of her seal.

- O -

Subaru had an unreadable expression before talking. "I said beg. Beg and bark. Or I guess in your case it's bleat? You know I never really knew what Rams sound like."

Ram realized she didn't care. She lost her precious sister. Losing Roswaal didn't matter as long as she avenged her sister. Her forehead started glowing despite the lack of a horn. Signifying her removing some of her shackles.

"EL FU-" She found herself unable to speak as something grasped her throat and had a tight grip. Making her unable to finish the chant. She widened her eyes as she was lifted into the air.

Her forehead started to bleed as the wind grew to try and free her. Which Subaru admitted they were really strong and he almost flew back. "Careful with that wind, Nee-sama! You could end up cutting off someone's leg or throat by accident! I should know!"

The books and everything else in the office scattered around. The window shattered into a million pieces. The door almost ripped out of its hinges. The wind cut off the shadow hands that Subaru had under his control. Making Ram and Roswaal escape their confinement. Ram started coughing heavily.

Ram turned at him with full vengeance in her eyes. She shouted "EL FURA" while Subaru also yelled out "Cor Leonis!" Activating it for some reason as he felt it was the most appropriate thing to say.

A very powerful blade of wind was sent in Subaru's direction that dissipated as soon as it hit him, greatly shocking all three.

Pride had always thought Cor Leonis was a useless ability. He had often used it whenever he was bored to see the whereabouts of his good friends. And yet it never worked. It wasn't until his inner self explained that it was because he sees them all as imaginations and not real, that he understood the reason for its dysfunction.

For some reason, he used it now. He didn't know why he activated it but he felt different. He felt his heartbeat stopping.

He inspected his body and himself for any damage following Ram's attack. "What is this?! How am—Never mind that. Quick hit me again! Hit me again! Go on, go on! Go all out!" Subaru excitedly offered her another shot.

Ram decided to use her most powerful attack. "AL FURA!" releasing a wind blade that destroyed everything in its path to Subaru. Roswaal only survived due to being near Ram's side after Subaru was slammed into the wall earlier.

The wind blade again reached Subaru and dissipated just before it hit him.

"HAHAHAHAHA! INCREDIBLE! IMPRESSIVE! AMAZING! FANTASTIC! SUCH A GREAT DISCOVERY!" Subaru laughed madly as he realized he had an ability similar to Regulus. Although he started experiencing a growing pain in his heart, which made him deactivate it. He wondered why Cor Leonis changed. Or maybe it could always do that and he just never tried.

Roswaal's mind could not comprehend how Subaru was still alive, as his eyes scanned the destroyed office.

Ram knelt and started vomiting blood afterwards. "Barusu..why... Why did you kill Rem...Why?"

"You truly are a good sister Nee-sama! I had no idea I could do that! After all this time I thought it was just a useless ability. Thanks to you, Cor Leonis is no longer useless!" He spoke to her with a grateful tone and didn't answer her question.

He summoned shadow hands to grab her by the torso, and another one to grab Roswaal again, lifting them towards the broken window. Subaru then picked out a random book on the ground from Roswaal's now destroyed office and held it close to his heart, smiling knowingly at Roswaal as he did that.

"Well, well. What an unusuaaaaal~ pair you maaaake~" He walked closer to them. Stopping just at the edge of the broken window. "A creepy clown once said 'One can do nothing without power. A lesson that needs to be drilled, yes?'." He stared directly into Roswaal's eyes as he said that.

"Roswaal. You truly are a funny clown. I shall offer this imagination's soul to you." Roswaal closed his eyes in acceptance. His recently woken mind knew he had failed this loop.

Subaru then looked at Ram. Her forehead was bleeding intensely as the wind blowing around her was slowly increasing to escape the grip. She was still shedding angry tears.

"I'll give you a little cliffhanger. You asked why I killed Rem?" She gave him a glare of pure unadulterated rage as she waited to hear his answer.

His eyebrows furrowed with a look of genuine confusion.

"Who's Rem?"

---

Before exiting Roswaal's office. He etched "Not Wisdom." on the book he had in his hand using blood, before tossing it out the window.

"A big angry kitten would come around any second now to start healing while screaming Ram's name repeatedly until his head gets bashed. I'm calling it. Shame it's not snowing though." Subaru said as he exited the office.

"Still, I can't believe I have Regulus's ability. I must test this out more! I wonder what else I can do with it, or how long can I keep it active?" He activated and counted.

"Hmmm~ any more than five seconds and it seems to hurt for some reason, although I could hold it up to seven. Still, its exciting! Refreshing even!" Subaru thought outloud with a happy smile as he continued his walk. He wondered what else he could do with it.

He reached the stairs to go up to the 3rd floor when Clind stopped him.

"Natsuki-sama?" Clind's voice sounded from the corridor. Clind was one of those who woke up from Ram's yells and her destructive spell.

"Oh, my Lolicon imagination, Nee-sama woke you up too? She always goes full out on her late night escapades. She never learns." He sighed to himself.

"Anyways, I got woken up by late night pranksters. So now I'm on the holy quest of seeing how many pranks I can pull in one night. Wanna tag along?" Subaru offered to his past life's mentor.

Clind looked at Subaru with confusion.

"Natsuki-sama, who do you believe you are? Confusion."

Subaru's eyes shimmered at that question.

- O -

Day 118.

Return by death checkpoint: current day.
Total deaths since imprisonment: 22.

Subaru had been living here for nearly 4 months. His hair had streaks of white in it.

He had been nearly broken. His mind was on the precipice of madness and if it weren't for Satella's visits he would've lost his sanity ages ago. He had exhausted nearly all the gods' names from Japan to Greece to Rome to Sumerians to Egypt to Scandinavia, every single god or goddess he could think of from his old world.

His last vestige of hope lay with the last remaining names. Hoping beyond hope they will finally answer him and end his suffering, or at least make his stay with Satella a permanent one.

The cell opened and a knight stepped inside.

"You. Filthy Witch Cultist." The knight who always brought food to him spoke up. He was in charge of interrogation today.

"Who are you? Do you accept your crimes? Will you speak of what you know?" The usual question whenever he was in charge of interrogation. Although this time he was rather angry as he was getting tired of dealing with this Archbishop and his incessant ramblings about him being innocent.

"...Subaru..."

He kicked him hard once he heard that.

"Stop saying that name. Who are you?" He hated Pride for not acknowledging who he is. Still claiming he was innocent after all this time. Still denying himself as the Archbishop of Pride.

"Subaru...Subaru..Suba-" He was kicked again, harder.

"Shut up. I'm threatening you to stop saying that name, you keep using it and saying you're innocent. Accept your crimes, Pride. Tell us what you know." The knight again commanded.

"I don't...know...Innocent.."

"You never learn do you? After all this time... Fine!" The knight shouted through gritted teeth and began beating him relentlessly with his sword scabbard.

All the while Subaru kept repeating the same thing. The knight then unsheathed his sword and cut off Subaru's hand, which they learned could regenerate. An easy way to torture him.

"Aaagh...I..don't...kn-know..." He raised his eyes in full anger and hatred before he yelled at the top of his lungs, having had enough of this. He had enough of them never listening to him. "I DON'T KNOW! I DON'T KNOW! I'M INNOCENT!"

The knight yelled back. "Silence! You are Pride! Accept your crimes and tell us what you know!"

"I'M INNOCENT! I'M INNOCENT! I'M INNOCEEEEEEEENT!"

The knight went out of the cell and came back a few minutes later holding a heated metal. And brought two other knights with him.

"Pick him up." The knight commanded.

"Now then, this will teach you who you are. This will make sure you never forget it. In fact, I'll even make sure to give you several brandings and carve the word 'Pride' on your body." The knight smiled with cruelty as he drew the branding iron closer to Subaru. All the while he kept shouting he was innocent until he lost his voice from shouting that word.

He was on the ground, breathing heavily from the pain after the knights were done with their torture. The smell of sizzled flesh intermixed with every other stench in that cell.

He closed his tearful eyes and prayed in silence to the last names. And when the last names didn't answer him, he used invisible providence to crush his heart. He didn't care that it hurt him to use it as he kept doing it for a very long time.

He didn't know for how long he kept doing it. A 100 times? 500? A 1000? Time meant nothing to him as he kept crushing his heart every time he saw he was back in the cell. Then when he was finally tired, he started resetting every time he saw someone coming that referred to him as 'Pride'.

He knew he was going mad. Repeating the same action and having the same results despite his expectations.

He was completely tired of everything. He hated everyone. His friends who betrayed him. The knights who tormented him. The gods who never answered him.

Until eventually his broken mind, in an effort to escape the pain, came to accept that the knights wouldn't hurt him if he said his name is Pride instead of Subaru. He recognized that his name brought him nothing but pain, misery and madness. No matter how many times he would use Subaru's name while reasoning with the knights. They'd only increase their torture.

"...Pride...or Subaru..." He questioned before clutching his head and tearfully shouting. "I'M PRIDE! I'M PRIDE! STOP HURTING! NOT SUBARU!"

He stopped resetting after that. He had no more names to pray to. Nothing to cling unto for hope. His hair, which had streaks of white in it, had turned fully white now from all those resets he had done.

He also found out that the food he ate had no taste at all now, despite him remembering it had taste the last time he ate. He also changed the drawings on the wall. Instead of reminding him of his happy times, he instead drew figures of the people who glared at him as he was dragged away.

"You. Filthy Witch Cultist." The knight who always brought food to Subaru spoke up.

"Who are you? Do you accept your crimes?" The knight sneered at him.

"...P...Pride...I'm...Pride..." Subaru whispered hatefully in a broken way.

"Hah, this pathetic scum finally learned. Now if he could only speak of what he knows." The knight said to his fellow knights as they began beating him relentlessly in order for him to divulge information.

Once they were done without any progress as usual. The knight spat at him and left with his fellow knights. "Only took him almost four months to stop saying that name and accept his crimes at least. I reckon Felix-dono can obtain the method to heal Duchess Crusch, now that the scum is broken."

"F-F...F...Four...M...onths...?"

Overhearing that, Subaru's sanity has finally shattered completely afterwards. From the pain as well as the fact that so little time for the world has passed since he was here. He was here for four months. Four months for them, meanwhile for him it had been an eternity due to him restarting the day an unknown number of times.

"...Satella..."

He whispered the only person that never hurt or betrayed him's name before the world began crumbling around him. He couldn't see anything anymore. There were no walls. There were no bars or even a prison. Utter darkness is all he could see.

He sat up with difficulty, clutched his head, and started rocking back and forth as his mind began flashing back images of several past lives. Of meeting the people that abandoned him to where he was now. Of the knights who tortured him without remorse. Of no one ever coming to his rescue and the fact that it was only such a short time has passed since he's been here.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...Ha...Ha..."

"...Hah...ha...ha.."

"...Hahah...hahaha..."

"Hahahahahaha...Hahahahahaha"

"HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHA! Pride...Subaru... Innocent...HAHAHAHA! PRIDE! SUBARU! INNOCENT! PRIDE! SUBARU! INNOCENT! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! FOUR! FOUR?! MONTHS! FOUR MONTHS! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

In his insanity-driven laughter, he thought back to the knights' smiles when they visited him. He wanted to smile like that. He thought back to how they laughed. He wanted to laugh like that.

It was all so funny. The greatest joke he has ever witnessed. His friends teased him by accusing. The knights joked with him by hurting. And no one answered him, however much he prayed, because they were pranking him. Everyone was pranking him! Everyone was in on this joke! He finally understood it.

"HAHAHAHAHA! FUNNY! FUNNY! HAHAHAHAHA! JOKE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

His mouth started drooling afterwards, and as his mind neared shutting off, he felt himself being torn into two sides.

Huh? What just happened...?

An emotionless voice spoke out as his body continued rocking back and forth while laughing non-stop.

The body had a voice that sounded out of its own. "..Hahaha...Joke...Joke...Hahahaha..."

I can think...Rationally...?

"Funny...Jokes...Words...Need words.."

Subaru's body thought back to his fights with a certain group of people. The ones that fought the ones who betrayed him, and always got the best reactions out of them. The wisemen who he will be idolizing.

The slothful wiseman. The greedy talkative wiseman. The lusty wisewoman. The wrathful wisewoman. The hungry wiseman who made this entire prank from the start. It began copying their words.

"Entertaining. Exciting. Enlightening. Exhilarating. Amazing. Astounding. Stunning. Spectacular. Wonderful. Beautiful. Disgusting. Discomfortable. Disproportionate. Delightful. Delectable. Devour. Indulge. Impressive. Satisfied. Diligent. You truly are slothful. Repaying love with love. Violation of my right. A disrespect upon my satisfied existence. Such wonderful friends and wonderful offerings all in the name of love. Thank you, I'm sorry. Ara~ what a pathetic and virgin pile of meat to be staring at this handsome guy~. You look delicious, quite delicious, very delicious, so delicious, why is it delicious? Because it's delicious. What a marvelous meal you'll make for us with your [Name], Hero ~tsu." Subaru's body continued drawing out words from the Archbishops he ran into.

What's going on? My body... I can see my body moving and talking without me doing it. Is this a dream?

There were two voices out of sync in Subaru's mind. One who was trying to figure out what's going on. The other kept wanting to tell jokes, hear jokes, smile, laugh, prank. It kept thinking everything was incredibly hilarious.

Who are you? The one who's controlling my body that is. If you can hear me even.

The emotionless voice sounded.

A joy-filled voice answered back. "Pride! Just like my good friends keep calling me! Ahhh such a diligent, satisfied, friendly, lovely and delectable existence I have!"

"Hey, Inner me. I can call you Inner me, right?" It asked before devolving into more insanity-driven laughter. "HAHAHAHA! I JUST CAN'T STOP LAUGHING AT HOW HILARIOUS THIS IS! HAHAHAHAHAHA! IT'S REALLY FUNNY!"

*Serious tone* What's so funny? I'm not sure how being locked in a cell to be tortured while no one listens to what I say is funny. I can't believe it's only been four months...

"Inner me! I'm happy! I'm so SOOOOO~ happy! Hahahaha! Funny jokes! All of it is a joke! A GOOD JOKE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

This is so weird. I can't tell if I've gone insane or if I'm dreaming. No... I'm definitely insane since I'm viewing my body talking and laughing. Wait so you can hear me? I'm pretty sure 'Inner me' isn't my name. My name is... Subaru.

The happy voice paused its maniacal laughter and started chanting rapidly.

"Natsuki Subaru. Subaru. Betty's Subaru. Subaru-kun. Barusu. Suuuubaruuuu-kun~. Subaru-sama. Natsuki-san. Captain. Big Bro. Mister. Subaru-dono. Natsuki-sama. Subaru-kyun. Natsuki-kun. Natsuki-dono. Natsumi Schwartz. Young Su. Baru. Subarun. Beautiful Bowels. Young man. Lad. Boy. Friend. Shut-in. Negotiator. Guest-sama. Butler. Self-proclaimed Knight."

"You wouldn't happen to be Pride, would you? Fool. Rem's hero. Slayer of the Whale and Sloth. Disciple of Echidna. Betty's contractor. Emilia's one and only knight. Lolimancer. Speech giver. Scummy meat~! Are you dripping at this lovely lady's sight~? My beloved Petelgeuse. Be careful around Gluttony. [Bizarre eating], [Gourmet] and [Satiation] will eventually snatch you away. We thank you for this wonderful Gourmet, Rem's hero ~tsu. We will make sure to slurp it, lick it, chew it, devour it ~tsu."

"Who are... You..? You smell like an Archbishop of the cult, in fact! Stop villain! I apologize for the interruption, may I ask about this individual? Halt right there. CAPTURE HIM! Filthy cultist! Scum. Dog. Plague. Guilty. Innocent. Pride and Inner me."

"ALLLLLL OF THIS! ISN'T IT SO FUNNY?! ENOUGH TO MAKE ANYONE LAUGH AND SMILE!"

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Then the happy voice stopped to breathe from laughing so hard as it thought back to how everyone spoke to him. It thought about their faces when they called him an Archbishop. Glaring at him, threatening him, looking at him with disgust, pointing their weapons at him, and saying all sorts of insults at him.

"I finally figured it out. They're not real... All of this is an imagination..." The happy voice trailed as he stood up. He had a bright smile as all of it made sense now. The entire world was playing a prank. All except one.

"Ahh but Satella is real. Definitely 100% real hahaha."

The happy voice that now called itself Pride, due to everyone that tormented him had called him that, had now fully taken control.

Ever since then whenever they'd come to his cell he would laugh maniacally at them. Their creative ways of hurting him was funny. The way they smiled cruelly at him during his torture was funny. The way they reacted to him laughing at them was funny.

His two favorites to joke with were Julius and Felix, the two knights he truly adored as his best friends.

- O -

He closed his eyes for a moment before replying to Clind.

"That's a good question my Lolicon imagination. I'll answer you with a good question of my own!" He said and stared Clind directly in the eye.

"If Clind was your name and let's say you were accused as a lolicon and everyone else called you that despite your reasonable protests, sound arguments and boring logic. Wouldn't you start accepting the nickname after awhile?"

Clind was taken aback by that question. He looked at Subaru sadly. Before he could say anything, a shout sounded.

"RAM! RAM! RAM! RAM!"

Subaru's eyes beamed with excitement at that. "I would like to say I called it! So predictable! Now for my next prediction... The future body of Roswaal is going to give him a little kick. Hopefully, it snows by then, it's always a good time for rabbits."

Clind was immediately alerted by that shout. He inspected Subaru's shirt, it was a bit hard to see in the dark but he noticed several blotches on it.

He spoke to him in a suspicious tone. "Natsuki-sama, what happened to Ram? Alert."

Subaru shrugged. "Probably jumped down a hill I would guess or went to couples therapy. Don't ask me, I'm just out here trying to have fun on an all-night prank."

Before Clind could say anything, a new voice joined.

"Clind! What's happening? I heard yelling." Annerose came by and spoke in a nervous tone as she was awakened all of a sudden.

"If it issssssn't~ Roswaaaaaaaal's~ next booooody~" Subaru summoned a shadow hand that immediately grabbed Annerose and lifted her in the air.

"Wha?!" She yelled out.

Clind assumed a fighting stance.

"Natsuki-sama? Confusion."

"I'm so glad I found you, Rosechi! Are you perhaps the new clown of fate?" He tilted his face as he looked at her up and down. "Are you going to speak like him using a little girl's voice now? I can't wait to hear the accent!"

"W-w-wait! What is going on?! Help!" Annerose shouted frightfully as she was fighting against the force that grabbed her.

Clind looked at Annerose, floating randomly in the air, then back at Subaru. "Natsuki-sama. I urge you to stop, you do not need to do this. I am well aware of what you have been through. Acknowledge. Which is why I will forgive your previous action. So I ask you kindly to let Annerose-sama go and you may have anything you desire in return. Proposal."

"What lovely manners you have. Thank you. I truly appreciate a person who says 'kindly', you know not many people around here say this these days. So polite as alw-" Subaru was immediately interrupted by another wail.

"Garfiel?! What happened I hear- RAM?! ROSWAAL-SAMA!"

"Apparently other people should be polite too. To interrupt when I'm talking." He sighed before shrugging off. "They have no respect towards a humble man that is trying to speak."

Annerose's eyes widened and she started shaking from that scream. She stopped struggling to get out. She looked at Subaru with genuine fear in her eyes.

Clind spoke to him in a hostile tone. "Natsuki-sama, I implore you to let Annerose-sama go. Now. Threaten."

"Hahaha! I never knew you had it in you Clind! Out of all my imaginations! To think the polite Lolicon with the monocle would be the one to threaten me out of the blue. I am thoroughly entertained by tonight's pranks!" Subaru laughed in utter joy. He was truly enjoying tonight's events!

Clind's hand targetted a guest room's door next to Subaru, clenched his fist, and uttered "Melancholy." after a second the door was completely crushed. A show of force from Clind in order for Subaru to let Annerose go.

Subaru looked with genuine happiness. "I never thought you would go for the practical kind of jokes! That was really good! Such a good knock-knock joke!" The shadow hand that grabbed Annerose tightened further. Making her gasp out.

Clind had a horrified expression and spoke in urgency. "Natsuki-sama! That is enough! Unhand Annerose-sama. I have no desire nor wish to kill you. I have no wish to make your tragedy an even worse one. Do not force my hand, I beg you. Plead."

Subaru started laughing in pure bliss at Clind's jokes. "Hahahaha! 'Unhand her' and 'force my hand', you're a comedic genius in both practical jokes and puns!" He paused to catch his breath. "Ahh such magnificent jokes from one of my newest imaginations! You know, maybe you're the one that Roswaal ended up in hahaha."

Clind sighed and had a sad frown appear on his face. "Natsuki-sama.. I truly did not wish to do this, especially not after what you went through.. But you have forced my hand. I hope you go to a better place than the one that treated you. Saddened." He clenched his fist at Subaru and uttered "Melancholy."

An invisible force hit Subaru two seconds later, but nothing happened to him. Making Clind's eyes go wide with shock.

"Hmmm~ nope, I'm still here and not back in my old cell. I guess your trick to send me to my best friends didn't work. I'm pretty sad now, you know?" Subaru looked sad as he deactivated Cor Leonis before his heart started hurting.

"Anyways, Clind. I'm not going to kill Annerose or anything so don't wear down your monocle." Subaru spoke in an innocent tone. As he said that, he summoned two shadow hands that reached for Clind's head.

Subaru's shadow hands surrounded Clind's head when he spoke out. "I'm not cruel, so I promise to let Annerose go if you answer what you meant before when you said 'Who do you believe you are?', I'm curious to hear your answer to this. It sounded very interesting! Like something a fortune teller would say before fortune telling."

He loosened his grip on Annerose to let her breathe.

Clind stood silent for a moment as he didn't know what to do. He was in genuine disbelief that Subaru just resisted his ability and came out unharmed. He thought of getting close and physical, but Subaru was holding Annerose hostage in the air. He decided to reason with Subaru in the hopes that he would let Annerose go. That and maybe he could make him see reason.

"I am uncertain of what you wish to know. From my point of view, and I prefer not to utter this... But I believe the knights mayhaps made you believe that you are in fact the Archbishop of Pride. Theory. Or, the far more likely thing is.. You may have developed an alternate personality to protect yourself, judging by the demeanor change of yesterday. Conclusion." Clind spoke out in a sad tone. As he knew what would happen to those who get accused to be sin Archbishops.

"It's the reason why your soul is—"

Pride clapped and gave Clind a friendly smile. "Bravo! What good fortune telling! Well, you're semi-right. I go by both Subaru and Pride."

Annerose fainted from the shock. Meanwhile, Pride felt as if he received something just now.

He frowned. "Although don't call me an Archbishop... I'm not a part of the Witch's Cult even though some of them are wise. I'm not a part of those that villainized Satella's name." He said that part in anger.

"I just use that name, Pride. If anything, I'm more the Champion of Envy really. I admit I should call myself 'Jealousy' if I want to be technical, but 'Pride' stuck. You can call me either, although the knights would get upset since they really liked to call me Pride, such good friends! They're the reason I use it even hahaha. Anyway, the demeanor change from before was Inner me. He's the more boring one, or you could even say he's the brainiac of the two of us."

Pride carried Annerose towards the guest room that Clind destroyed the door to. He laid her down gently there before exiting.

"The whole personality and name thing are confusing really without getting too much into it. But let's move on from that. As I said, I let the next body of Roswaal go since you answered. Told you I'm not cruel. Later, Clind. Oh and just between the two of us, out of everyone tonight, your jokes came out.. ahead." He laughed as he walked to the stairs to go up

"What a funny imagination. He even told a completely unexpected knock-knock joke which was hilarious. Although I'm curious about what present I received."

---

Pride went upstairs while wondering what he received when he clapped Clind's performance.

"He did something with his hand and said 'Melancholy'. Such a sad word, I should think of a better name. How about Joy...bringer?" He instantly cringed. "Uck, no, no. Maybe... Humorless since he reminds me of Inner me." He could feel his inner self growing irritated at that. "Alright, alright I'm just teasing ya. I'll name it Hopeless, happy? Although I wonder what it does." Pride muttered to himself.

Just then an imagination was conjured out of him. It was Subaru in his tracksuit with black hair and a more healthy look. He looked at him with a deep frown.

Why did you do all of that? There is no purpose to hurt them. They are literally innocent.

"Well, you definitely sound calmer than you look. Anyway, we both know that's not true. Don't worry we can always reset so just sit back, relax and think of this as experimentational jokes." He explained to his inner self

The frown deepened on his inner self's face. Pride took notice of that and immediately sat to cheer himself up.

"C'mon! Turn that frown upside down! Didn't it feel good to run a hand through Roswaal's imagination? Admit it, even I felt a little tingly from that."

*Heavy sigh* Resetting isn't the point. You know the only ones deserving of death are the knights, Witch Cultists and Gluttony. Not them. I won't fault you for Roswaal's death. But what did Meili, Rem, Ram and Clind ever do to us? If you are blaming Meili, Rem and Ram for our past deaths then you know we forgave them ages ago. Clind has never even hurt us. You've now also traumatized Annerose even further. Good job.

Pride started laughing. "Hahaha there goes the calmness. You know, I sometimes wonder if you really are as emotionless as you sound. Maybe you're not as boring as I thought you are. Besides, why didn't you stop me from killing Ram? Or Clind?"

Stop dodging the question, Pride.

"Calm down and don't be so boring. Look, let's go meet with Beako and Emilia-tan then I'll answer you in front of a mirror. How about Emilia-tan's mirror? I mean it's not like she u-"

"AAAAAAA!"

A girl's scream was heard. Interrupting Pride and his inner self's conversation.

"This mansion sure gets lively at night. Don't you think? They're l-"

"Petra?! Hold on I'm coming!"

"ucky that this mansion isn't in the middle of a big city. Or we'd be getting noi-"

"Garfiel, head over to Emilia-sama and Beatrice-sama!"

"se complaints every day." Pride shook his head and sighed. "My point exactly. I'm tempted to go downstairs and see what all the fuss is about." He dismissed his inner self. Who looked extremely displeased at him and muttered something about Petra being traumatized now.

As he reached upstairs. He was greeted by another imagination.

"N-..Natsuki-san?" Otto spoke out in nervousness once he saw him. Otto was awakened by all the yells and was going to see what happened when he ran into Subaru. His eyes widened at his bloodstained shirt.

Subaru decided to try something. He spread his hand at Otto the way Clind did to the door. Clenched his fist and said. "Hopeless...?" But nothing happened.

"..."

He decided to speak up. "Hey, Ott-"

"Guh!" Otto was hit by an invisible force directly in the chest. Sending him flying away.

He waved goodbye to him. "Bye, Otto."

"Well that was a quick two-second conversation. He must've been in a hurry. Anyway, what is this funny gift I received?" Subaru asked himself. He directed his hand towards a statue. Clenched his fist and said the word again. The statue was hit with an invisible force and got destroyed.

Subaru was very elated by this. "Oooh~ what brand new fun is this! This is going to be highly entertaining! Wow, Clind and to think you've been holding out on me for so long! Such a generous guy on top of being funny! Although I'm kinda sad that we didn't get to hear any jokes from Otto." He looked at Otto who was launched across the corridor.

He was wheezing with little gurgles escaping his mouth.

Subaru walked closer to him, staring at Otto who was trying to speak up but couldn't.

"There is no flying Moby Dick around the caravan this time. But don't worry Otto, I'll take responsibility. Just make sure you wear heavy winter clothes for when you give up explaining who Rem is. No spoilers but Emilia-tan won't have the heart for it, hahaha"

He gave him a friendly punch on the chest before moving on.

"Oh and watch out for any ordeals unless you want to repay love with love." He gave him a final piece of advice while moving ahead.

---

Subaru felt nostalgic while getting closer to his old room.

He remembered a past life when he walked the same path from his room towards Emilia's room. A past life where he would walk to greet her or tell her goodnight using three words.

A tear rolled out of Subaru's eye.

He ran his hand to collect the tear. "...How different things could've been," Subaru spoke somberly.

"Cap'n..."

That voice brought him out of his nostalgia moment. He jerked his head around and saw Garfiel looking at him with sadness, anger and shock. He had tears in his eyes.

"Oh, Garfi! So good to see you alive and kickin', well in the literal sense. I thought for sure you would be repainting the walls by now."

Garfiel ignored the greetings and asked him. "Why... Why'd ya kill 'em? Why'd yer kill Ram, Brotto, Clind, Roswaal? Why? Why Cap'n?"

Subaru looked at him with disappointment. "You people sure love forgetting about Rem, don't you? Meili too. How very inconsiderate of you."

Garfiel looked even more shocked at this news. "WHY?! WHY DID YE KILL 'EM?!"

"Let's see..." Subaru brought his hand up to start counting.

"Meili interrupted my peaceful nightly countdown and tried playing Elsa by pranking me tonight. Although she also pranked me several times in the past as well, puppies involved. Rem-rin had fun with me twice because she didn't like how I smelled, rude of her I know. Nee-sama had a thing for legs, throats and heights. Roschi was behind it all because of an obsession for his crush. Clind is a Lolicon, admittedly not the best reason but people have died for less. I should know. And lastly, Otto abandons his friends while on a speed highway chase. I think that about covers it, anything else?"

Garfiel was stunned. He had no idea how to reply to him.

Subaru tilted his head at him. "What's wrong, Garfi? Did a ca- you get your tongue like you got my gate?"

"Th' fuck's wrong with ye Cap'n... No, Subaru." Garfiel spoke seriously.

"Amazing! You definitely should be an actor, Garfi. The way you said that so seriously! Almost gave me the chills. Your sister is a good actor too from yesterday, guess it's in the genes." Subaru complimented him with honesty for his performance.

Garfiel's eyes glowed red once he heard Subaru mention his sister. He partially transformed his left hand and swiped at Subaru.

Subaru activated Cor Leonis too late. Garfiel's clawed hand hit his right hand just before his body became still in time. The hit launched Subaru across the hall, and destroyed parts of the walls.

After a few seconds of silence. Garfiel closed his eyes in sadness. He truly didn't want to kill Subaru, but he had forced it upon himself by killing so many people.

"...I admit, I didn't see that coming." Subaru's said as he slowly stood up again. "I fully thought you'd go big angry kitten first."

Garfiel was shocked he managed to live through that. He knew he'd hit him with a force that would kill any average human and yet Subaru not only somehow lived, but also seemed completely unfazed by the damage that was done to him.

Subaru aimed his right hand at Garfiel, but realized he couldn't clench the fist. He finally noticed it's appearance. "Look at that, it seems like you found a new chew toy! Now I have to wait for a few minutes. *sigh* That's no good."

"...My cursed self.. Will choose to remember ya as my Cap'n..." Garfiel with a grim face as he approached Subaru again.

Subaru then summoned a shadow hand to envelop Garfiel. "Eh?!" Garfiel shouted as he was picked up and slammed to the ground.

"What th' hell?!" Garfiel exclaimed as he couldn't get out of whatever was holding him.

"Now all we need is a blindfold, a rope, and a dungeon to lock you up for 3 days." Subaru had a knowing grin as he said that.

"Th' fuck are ye talkin' about?! Yer not makin' sense! Ye've ain't been makin' sense th' entire fuckin' time!" Garfiel growled at Subaru's grin. He hit his fist to the ground, cracking the floor and making Subaru lose his balance, the invisible grip on Garfiel let loose.

Taking advantage of the distraction, Garfiel immediately jumped at Subaru and aimed for his head, wanting to end this as fast as possible for the sake of his friend.

He hit him and twisted his neck. But Subaru untwisted his neck and smiled at Garfiel. "TH' FUCK?! HOW?!" Garfiel yelled in complete shock.

He shrugged. "Cor Leonis, courtesy of Regulus Corneas."

"Pfah!"

Subaru used Invisible Providence to punch Garfiel away after he said that.

He also summoned further shadow hands to grab Garfiel, immobilizing him again and lifting him off the ground. "And that one is Invisible Providence, courtesy of Petelgeuse Romanee-Conti."

As he said that, he remembered the time when he managed to summon multiple shadow hands without any drawbacks or feeling any sickness.

- O -

Day 200.

Return by death checkpoint: Day 115.
Total deaths since imprisonment: Unknown.

Subaru, who now called himself Pride, had been in the cell for six and a half months. He had already experienced every single painful method, all the while laughing at them. He was getting bored as nothing fazed him although he always enjoyed the reactions of his best friends.

"Tell me how to cure Crusch-sama! Or I will make this hurt even more!" Felix shouted at him as he fried his nerves. He was getting extremely tired of this incessant Archbishop. Over the last month, all he ever did was laugh, or taunt them.

"Is that a promise? Oooh~ I like this game. Alright, you're on, Ferris. Make it hurt more! Make it more entertaining! Make it more exciting! Use your diligence to make a slothful man such as myself, confess to something he doesn't know!" Subaru spoke to him with excitement. He couldn't really feel pain anymore from having his nerves fried. Which made him feel bored as he did miss the pain.

Felix increased the speed at which he fries his nerves but to no avail.

"Don't worry I believe in you Ferris! You got this buddy!" Subaru cheered him on all the while Felix was growing more and more annoyed.

"GYAAAAA" He finally screamed in pain, making Felix smile in cruelty. "IT HURTS IT HURTS! IT HUR-" He sneezed. "Oops, excuse me it's a little dusty in here, or maybe someone was speaking about me? Hope it's Tella-tan. Anyway, how's that sound my good friend? Did you like my acting?"

Felix immediately became even more agitated and scowled.

"Hahaha you should see the look on your face, Ferris. What would Old Man Will say? I bet he would go all 'You know, I think my wife onc-"

"SHUT UP! TELL ME HOW TO HEAL CRUSCH-SAMA! TELL ME WHAT THE WITCH CULT IS PLANNING!" Felix shouted in anger and desperation.

Subaru's smile furthered at this reaction. It was always fun to make his best friends raise their voices at his jokes. It meant they liked it!

"You forgot to put a 'nya' in that sentence. Here's a friendly advice from one best friend to another. Have you ever tried telling jokes to Crusch-san? You know laughter is the best medicine they say. Why don't you tell me a joke and I'll rate them like a best friend would." He offered to his best friend.

Felix had enough of this. He healed him fully, which made Subaru confused. Then he got out of the cell. A few minutes later two knights came by. One of them being the one who brings him food and taunts him.

"Let's pick him up." The knight spoke to his fellow knight.

Subaru looked at them with full love and adoration. "Ara Ara~ Such gallant knights~ to have come to pick up this handsome guy~. Do be careful not to soil your pathetic, masochistic selves by my mere touch~!"

"Tsk. I'm going to enjoy hearing you scream, Pride. It has been far too long." The knight who always brought him food sneered. Felix soon came by with a heated metal and other assortments. "Since nyou wanted more pain."

Something snapped within Subaru as soon as he saw the heated metal. He remembered the way he killed himself repeatedly after being branded. Shadow hands sprawled out all over the room, slamming the three knights to the wall or to the bars. "Huh, what's this? I can use Invisible Providence without feeling sick?" Subaru said in surprise at the shadow hands he summoned.

He then focused and summoned more hands. Then he made them grab the three knights and lift them into the air. "Huh?!"

Subaru continued on in amazement. "Hahahaha! I must have unknowingly practiced diligence! Truly, truly, truly! It's wonderful! Fantastic even! I know a wiseman whose brain would truly TRUUUULY~ tremble at this!"

He began to tighten his shadow hands' hold on them. Making them choke out before loosening and tightening again, or turning them upside down, slamming them to the ground, or lifting them up. He was so incredibly amused at this new fun he was having until his sight caught the heated branding iron again. He stared at the knight who'd always served him food while mocking him. His hands began to tighten around the three knights again with intensity making all three wince in pain and try desperately to breathe.

He picked up the heated metal from the ground and brought the knight closer to him, who kept struggling in vain to escape the tight grip of the invisible hand that grabbed him.

"Now..." Subaru lifted off the knight's shirt sleeve and asked him.

"Now, now, now, now, now... You will look into my eyes." The knight did as he was told.

"Answer me. Answer me carefully. Who are you? Do you accept your crimes? Why don't you beg and bark?" He spoke in a serious tone.

The knight looked even more frightened and nervous.

"Mmmm... Mmmm.."

He tried to beg and plead, but his pleas came out as a whimper as he wasn't able to speak from how tightly the shadow hand had gripped him.

Subaru smiled cruelly the way they smiled at him.

"MMMMMMM!" The knight released a muffled cry of pain as Subaru brought the metal onto the knight's wrist.

Subaru slowly loosened his hand on the knight as well as Felix and the other knight. "P-please...please, please... P-P-Pride.. H-have mercy! I-I have kids." He begged in a weak tone. Felix and the other knight tried protesting.

"RELEASE ME!"

"YOU BAS-"

"GAAAHHH!" The knight's scream faded all other noises for Subaru.

"Beg and bark. Accept your crimes." Subaru repeated as he sizzled his flesh again. Felix and the other knight kept struggling even more to escape their grasp as their shouts did nothing to faze Subaru. Subaru tightened his hold on them, making them unable to speak or even struggle and just helplessly watch.

"PLEASE STOP! NO! AAHHHH!"

"Beg and bark. Accept your crimes."

"WOOF! AAHHH! WOOF! PLEASE STOP! STOP!" The knight yelled out in tears.

"Beg and bark. Accept your crimes."

Subaru continued asking the same question and scorching the knight, while the knight kept pleading. His screams of agony echoed across the entire cell. Felix and the other knight were forced to watch this entire event with a look of desperation and genuine terror etched on their faces.

Eventually, half of the Knight's hand was scorched and he was a crying mess. He even inscribed the word "Pride" on him.

"Oh hey, now we have almost similar hands hahaha! Anyways, seeing as how the metal is now cool. Time to try a little prank." He gave him an unnatural smile.

He summoned 4 shadow hands to hold the knight who brought him food by the hands and ankles.

"You are truly... Slothful."

"GAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Subaru twisted the arms and ankles, then ripped them apart before finally twisting the neck. Making the other knight pee himself in fear while Felix paled and started trembling from the cruelly morbid sight. Subaru simply crushed the other knight who had fainted when it was his turn.

Subaru then waved in a friendly way at his best friend Felix who was shaking and sweating heavily.

...

"And this is where you dragged me that one time where you wanted to show me the wheel, remember that? That was pretty fun! Although it looks like someone is using it at the moment, I can't wait for our turn! This is such an exciting sightseeing trip already! Hahaha"

Subaru chimed while skipping happily around the prison with his best pal. Sightseeing together, all the while using his newly acquired shadow hands to grab the lone guards and the prisoners and rip them apart, or crush them.

Eventually, the alarm was sounded for the entire garrison.

"And this is where you and Jules took turns playing dentists. Look, the hammer is still there even. How about we play dentists? Nod once if you disagree." He asked Felix. "Fine, fine. I'll be the better friend and nod for you, you owe me this time. I'm definitely cashing in for a joke!"

"Ahh this is such a fun trip. Don't you agree, Ferris?"

Felix nodded excitedly. "Nya, it really is Subaru-kyun~!"

"It would be myore fun if Julius-kyun was here though," Felix added sadly afterwards.

"Oh, I agree! The more the merrier. Where is Juli when you need him?"

A friendly voice interrupted their lovely chat.

"By the Divine Dragon...Felix...No..." Julius spoke out in complete disbelief. He was with several of the Garrison's knights who looked like they wanted to vomit from the sight.

"W...what form of inhuman monster are y-you, A-Archbishop of P-Pride?"

"Od...I-I don't think I can stomach eating anything for the next month.."

"Od Laguna have mercy..."

"I don't care what the commander says, I'm taking a long break after this..."

Subaru had been carrying the upper half of Felix. with his hands and neck completely twisted, his eyes torn out of their sockets, his ears gone. Subaru's hand was using Felix as a puppet. Felix's tail adorned Subaru's neck as a scarf.

"Speaking of the purple devil! There ya are! Look who's here Ferris!" He waved the hand that carried Felix to Julius.

"Say, Jules, we were just going around a trip down memory lane and sightseeing. Wanna come?" Subaru asked his other best friend Julius.

"Nya, it's really nyaice to sightsee with us, Julius Juuklius knyaight of the Royal Guard of Lugunyaca." Subaru said to imitate the voice of his best friend, while moving his mouth up and down to make Felix speak.

Julius looked very grim at this display. "Archbishop of Pride. You truly are a blight upon this world. I-"

"If you keep talking like that, Anastasia-san won't look your way, you know? You really should get new materials Juli." Subaru pouted. "So that's a no to sightseeing then?" He asked before deflating his pout.

"It's fine, there's always that one friend in the group that always makes up an excuse to not come. You're making Ferris sad though" He made Felix nod in agreement. "C'mon Julius-kyun~! It's fun, nya!"

Julius sheathed his sword in anger alongside the other knights.

...

"Julius is such a buzzkill sometimes," Subaru said as he woke up in the cell again. He pouted heavily "I'm definitely not telling him jokes for atleast a day for ruining that sightseeing trip. Hey, at least Ferris doesn't need me as a mouth anymore. Shame, I enjoyed talking like him."

He laid down on the cold floor and let out a sigh of relief. "Home sweet home."

He summoned several shadow hands in front of him. "To think I can use unseen hands now hahaha. This is such a unique form of fun. I wonder if they would work on my imaginations." He couldn't wait to conjure his imaginations tonight and try to change their expressions as he often did. If the jokes he told wouldn't work, then this should work.

- O -

Subaru shook off that memory and focused on Garfiel.

"You know, I never did ask. How did it feel being Emilia's knight for all these... Hmm, how long has it been? I've lost count now that I think about it. Assuming you are her knight that is hahaha."

Garfiel didn't answer as he struggled in vain to escape until he had enough. His eyes started glowing red and his body was enveloped in a red aura. His body began transforming, escaping the invisible grip that held him.

Subaru looked happy about this. "Now there's a big angry kitten if I've ever seen one. No Otto, Patrasche, or villagers around for you to rip through though, such a shame."

Garfiel finished transforming "HRAAAAARGH!" His roar shook the Mansion as he glared at Subaru.

Subaru looked on with seriousness at Garfiel's snarling appearance. "You look exactly how I imagine you every night. This is the real version of you in my eyes. Not the one that told me he's sorry, but the one that tried to kill me for no reason."

Subaru summoned shadow hands to contain an approaching Garfiel but none of them was large enough to fully grab him. Garfiel continued his approach while growling at Subaru.

He aimed his left hand at Garfiel. Clenched it and spoke "Hopeless."

Hitting him directly in the chest and making him spit out blood, although he wasn't knocked away, merely stunned in place.

"That one is Hopeless, courtesy of Clind surprisingly enough. But then, does that mean he was an Archbishop? Seems Beatrice accused the wrong person after all hahaha" Subaru spoke to himself as he watched Garfiel glaring at him with intensity.

Garfiel moved and swiped at Subaru again intending to crush him where he stands, but Subaru activated Cor Leonis just before it hit, although the floor wasn't saved. It had already been cracked before, and now was destroyed from the impact sending both of them tumbling down.

---

Pride slowly opened his eyes and found himself surrounded by rubble.

*Cough* "I feel bad for *Cough* whoever will repair the mansion after these pranks." He muttered as he carefully got up and took in his surroundings.

He found himself near Roswaal's destroyed office on the 2nd floor, debris of stone and wood was everywhere.

Slowly stepping around to avoid any further descent, in case the floor was also unsteady. He noticed in the corner of his eye a movement. Looking in its direction laid Garfiel in his human form, trapped between the rubble and seemed to be groaning.

"Gotta say Garfi, out of all my imaginations. You now rank the highest in terms of fun. Your physical humor is off the charts!" Pride exclaimed loudly as he stepped closer to him, finally noticing that Garfiel was impaled by a broken wooden pillar yet was healing and trying to get out.

He summoned a shadow hand to punch Garfiel, further impaling him and making him groan louder. Then it proceeded to grip onto him to forcefully pull him out and impale him to the pillar yet again. "GUHA!"

"You got my blood pumping more than Radio Calisthenics, I mean just look at my right hand hahaha" Pride joked as he lifted the impaled Garfiel alongside the broken pillar into the air.

"Subaru-sama! I urge you to stop! Please!"

Subaru looked towards the direction of the voice and saw a very shocked Frederica carrying an unconscious Annerose, with Petra hiding behind her in tears and looking very afraid at the sight. "Look at that. Another big cat to join the prank. Talk about a surprise appearance!"

"...Big Sis.." Garfiel very weakly whispered. His barely conscious eyes told her to run.

"S-Subaru-sama..?" Petra whispered frightfully. She looked horrified by Garfiel's state, as well as all the blood that stained Subaru's clothes. Then she saw Subaru's mangled arm and she put her hands on her mouth.

"G-Garfiel...Subaru-sama, I-I do not understand... Why did you do this? Do you hate us all so much?" Frederica spoke sorrowfully with tears dropping from her eyes as she looked at Garfiel's state and the state of the mansion, as well as the ones who died.

She had a very high suspicion it was Subaru and not an assassin when she saw Petra looking shell-shocked over Meili's corpse in Subaru's guest room. The suspicion grew when she saw Rem's corpse nearby. Which further grew as she found Clind, yet luckily Annerose was breathing nearby.

Pride shook his head and sighed. "Guess I gotta explain it again. I got pranked when I was trying to sleep, and now I'm goi-" He couldn't finish what he said. His left hand aimed again at Garfiel, before it suddenly changed direction as he said "Hope-..No."

The shadow hand that kept Garfiel in place was removed, bringing him down to the ground. Frederica immediately moved to her little brother's side.

"Frederica." He spoke in an emotionless tone. She shuddered and gave him a look of sadness and confusion at the sudden change in the way he spoke.

He shifted his gaze towards Petra. Noticing how traumatized she looked, then glanced at Annerose's sleeping form. "Take them away and get out of here."

He started to walk away from them after he said that. Not bothering to stay behind to hear what they had to say.

Buzzkill. Why'd you step in at the last minute? I wasn't going to harm Annerose, Frederica and Petra, you know? I was just having a little bit of fun hahaha

"If I hadn't stepped in you would've devastated both Petra and Frederica with Garfiel's death. Then again, chances are he'll die before Frederica can get him out." Subaru answered with annoyance in his tone as he kept walking without a direction.

All in all, I'm happy. I got to see him turn into a big angry kitten that snarls exactly like I imagine him! Such a good depiction! Although I didn't like the ending. Boooo. I'm so booing you for ruining it.

Subaru sighed in annoyance and frustration. "Look around you, does all of this seem like an illusion to you?" He lifted his slowly healing right hand. "Does this feel illusionary to you?"

Eh, it's nothing that Juli and our good friends haven't done to us. Hey actually, why didn't you stop me from pranking the others like Ram or Clind or even Otto?

"And you've yet to say why you did all of this. Why you killed Rem and Meili, despite me telling you not to." Subaru said the last part with cold anger.

Hahaha fair enough. Let's go visit Beako and Emilia-tan, then I'll tell. Actually, why don't you scooch over?

Subaru immediately replied. "And have you go after Frederica, Petra and Annerose? Yeah, no. Nice try."

So SOOOOO~ boring! Look, I wasn't going to harm them, ok? I'm not heartless. Maybe I would've said some jokes but that's it unless Frederica attacks me that is. Hahaha! Imagine that, I'd get to play with two cats in one night! Hey, wait, wasn't that a dirty expression? Accidental joke.

Subaru eye-rolled heavily at that.

I felt that! Anyway since you aren't scooching over nicely...

"Then I'll just jump right in." Pride laughed wholeheartedly at this.

---

Walking the upper floor again to reach his room. He noticed Otto's body was still in place, but paid it no heed and kept walking.

He eventually came across the big hole in the floor, caused by Garfiel. Pride wondered how he would cross it.

He remembered that Greed's Authority had a way that made it so Regulus wasn't bound by any physical laws of the world. Activating Cor Leonis, he ran until he reached the other end where he then had to deactivate it, or otherwise risk heart failure.

"I really should thank Regulus for this. It's so useful! It makes me feel like I could practically leap towards the moon, like a certain silent Sword Saint hahaha." Pride commented to himself as he resumed his walk.

Arriving at his old room to check on Beatrice. No doubt she would be willing to cast a Minya crystal and glare at him again. He couldn't wait for it. Her new imagination had been meek and not responsive, he had been wanting to see the old version of her.

He entered to see Beatrice was awake and muttering words. "400 years isn't enough for Betty, I suppose... more... Pathetic spirit, In fact." She was scratching and healing herself.

"Hello, Beako!" He called out to her in his old cheerful tone. Making her immediately shrink as she heard his voice. She wanted to turn towards him but couldn't do it out of her guilt.

He walked towards the drapes to remove them from the window, and let the light in. The night was slowly turning into dawn. "You know, it's pretty rude to not turn towards someone when they're talking to you." He said to her in a fake hurt tone after he noticed she didn't look at him.

She started sniffling and remained laying down on the bed. She had heard all the noises in the mansion earlier, but paid them no heed and remained in Subaru's old room wallowing in her guilt.

He took small slow steps to walk to her side of the bed so she could see him. He saw how she was scratching herself, reminding himself of an old past life where he used to do that with Beatrice healing him and keeping it a secret.

He shook his head to clear his mind.

"Hey, Beatrice, now that I'm back here I was thinking of forming a contract again." She immediately paused what she was doing and listened to him.

"A contract with one of the most caring individuals I've ever met. Someone who always supported me and looked very cute while doing it too. Always accepts head pats and other forms of compliments as well." He ruffled her hair as he said that. Making her eyes feel heavy.

"Bit of a loner but then again can't blame her, alone for 400 years and all that. Has a bit of a dere to their personality and is very knowledgeable too! Why don't you raise your head, Beako? We both know who I'm talking about, right?" With each word her eyes widened more, does that mean he was forgiving her? But why?

He raised her head to look him in the eyes as he gave her a smile full of love and adoration. Hopeful tears started streaming out of her eyes. Was this real or a dream she thought.

"You know, you were half right before," Pride said, keeping his joyful smile.

"H-half right? A-about what, I wonder?" Beatrice meekly said.

"That prank of yours about the whole me being an Archbishop and all. Your accusation was almost on point!" He gave her a thumbs up, watching how she kept wanting to look down but his hand held her face to look at him.

"Before I get to it, I'll clarify that I'm not an Archbishop nor am I a part of the Witch's cult. Glad we got that out of the way hahaha, without any trouble this time too." He wiped imaginary sweat off of his forehead.

She had a look of worry as he continued.

"Anyway, here goes... I'm the Champion of sin, representing Envy. The beloved of Satella."

Beatrice refused to believe it. She flat-out denied him. "I-It's not funny, I suppose. S-Subaru please don't say that..."

Pride looked on with enjoyment. "Oh, but it's all true. Who do you think I was describing just now to you, my cute little Beako?" He asked as he noticed her expression turn into shock.

"Anyways! Go on, go on! Glare at me. Accuse me of being evil. Point a Minya crystal at me. I'm Natsuki Pr-Subaru... the Champion of Satella. I will say that many more times too. I even fully intend on freeing her from her seal. 100% committed to the cause!" Pride declared with pride, hoping she would take the bait and become her real version in his eyes.

Beatrice shook her head with tears at him. "N-no you're not, in fact! You're not! You are not! BETTY'S SORRY! I'M SORRY I DID ALL OF THAT SUBARU!" Her voice began to break as the tears started dropping more and more. "...I'm so sorry...so sorry..." She started weeping and her eyes kept looking down. There was no sign of her verbal tic.

Pride let go of her face. He was disappointed she didn't glare or use a Minya like her old version. He was excited to see his version of Garfiel come back and be more animated, and he thought he could finally see others' old versions.

He had an idea in his mind to get her to glare at him. "I can return by de-"

Heavy miasma entered Beatrice's nose, making her look at him with fear in her eyes.

"You smelled that right? This is the same smell that made you glare at me. I should definitely smell like an 'Archbishop of Pride' now. Your words, not mine."

"S-Subaru please stop..." She pleaded with him in tears.

He gave her a blank look and began explaining to her. "Did you ever wonder why I have this smell? You're smart, Beatrice. I'm sure it must've crossed your mind several times."

She had no answer to that, prompting him to answer her. "It wasn't because I was a Witch Cultist or an Archbishop. No, I have this smell because I was summoned to this world with an Authority. The Authority of Envy."

She clutched her head and her eyes went wide with disbelief. "No, no, no, no..."

"I can return by dea-"

He said the words again in a colder tone.

The miasma again entered her nose even stronger this time. She stopped clutching her head and laid back on the bed with her body shaking.

"K-kill me, I suppose..." She whispered.

"I once asked a great spirit to do exactly that, and do you know what that great spirit said? 'If you want to die then die on your own, I want no part of it... I suppose.'" He gave her a knowing smile as he said that. This prank was going great!

She finally seemed to break as she lay completely still now. "Betty hates...Betty, I suppose..."

He couldn't take it anymore. "Pfft hahahaHAHAHAHA! This is so much fun! You should see the look on your face, Beako! You should learn to take a joke sometimes, you know? It was all a prank! Hahahaha I'm truly TRUUUULY~ loving tonight's pranks!"

Even though I find it extremely hard to forgive Beatrice either. What you've done is cruel and unnecessary beyond words.

"It's hilarious beyond words you mean isn't it?" He answered while still chuckling. He focused on Beatrice again. She kept repeating the same words. "Betty hates...Betty, I suppose..."

"Ahh such a MARVELOOOOUSLY~ well-executed prank! I love it!" He exclaimed in happiness.

*Sigh* Just end this. Or should I?

He moved to the wardrobe to change his bloodstained shirt. "Fine, fine. I'm both pleased and satisfied with the prank, although disappointed she didn't turn out like Garfi."

He then moved near the bedstand picking up a candle and igniting it. "This isn't the library, but oh well. I'll give you a spoiler for when the mansion burns."

He burned his bloodstained shirt before tossing both it and the candle.

"Take my hand, Beatrice."

---

Heading now unopposed towards Emilia's room. He again came across Otto's body. He paused for a moment to look at it.

"It's funny how at one point I would've vomited at this sight." He sighed in satisfaction. "Tonight's pranks really were fun, weren't they? All fresh expressions."

So you wanted to break their sanity or their bodies before killing them? Is this why you did this tonight?

"Nope." Pride answered happily as he continued his walk.

His inner self didn't reply although Pride could feel the disappointment radiating with intensity.

Finally reaching Emilia's room. He knocked on her door out of politeness. Manners maketh a man he noted to himself, having heard that from somewhere. No doubt the knight that impersonated Wilhelm that came to visit him some days ago. What a good impersonation that was.

Hearing no answer. He knocked again. "Emilia-tan, it's me. I've come to tell you the three words before I go to sleep like always!"

Noticing the lack of reply. He began opening the door. He saw Emilia on the bed hugging her knees.

As he got closer and closer to her, he could hear soft snoring. She was asleep in this posture. "Good very early morning, Emilia-tan!" He called out to her.

she slowly lifted her sleepy eyes to gaze at him.

"Subaru?" She asked, thinking it was a dream, as she got up.

"In the fle—" Before he could finish his sentence, Emilia threw herself at him in a big hug.

She had been thinking nonstop about how he suffered because of them. The stories he told on the way made her feel more guilty than when she froze Elior's forest. When she got back to the mansion all she wanted was to sleep and think of a way to earn his forgiveness. But sleep was hard to come by as whenever she closed her eyes, she kept seeing the betrayed look he had when everyone accused him of being a Witch Cultist. She dearly wished she could take it all back.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry... I'm so very sorry that this happened to you, Subaru." Emilia begged him for forgiveness. It reminded him of when Satella first visited him after his capture, and the words she'd spoken to him.

'I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so very sorry that this happened to you, Subaru!'

"I'm reaaaally~ sorry... for not believing in you, Subaru.."

'I'm reaaaally~ sorry... for not being able to help you, Subaru..'

"For hurting you..for causing you so much harm.." Emilia's eyes had fresh tears as she said that. Staining his new shirt.

'For bringing you to this world..for causing you so much harm..'

"I-I know I never gave you an answer before... And I will always regret that... But, I love you, Subaru. Even if you h-hate me... Even if you want nothing to do with m-me... I will always love you. I just wish I said this to you earlier." Emilia declared to him.

'I love you. I love you. I love you. I will always love you, Subaru.'

"You really sound, look and behave exactly like her. If you were wearing black, this would've been the best prank of the night! I totally would've fallen for it!" Pride chuckled at her performance. He wanted to clap the impersonation but held himself.

"Subaru?" She pulled back from the hug and looked at him in confusion. She was slightly hurt on the inside that he ignored her confession, but she knew he wasn't to blame for it. It was her fault.

"Like Satella I mean. In case you were wondering."

A dull ache entered her heart once she heard that name being mentioned.

He began to explain. "I'm sure you're wondering, 'Why did he say Satella?', I'll explain but first let me talk to you about a funny word... Hope. It's a small word, isn't it? But it carries a lot for me. You see for a long time I used to have hope that I'd see you and Beatrice coming and clearing out the huge misunderstanding I've been put in. And I kept that hope going. Kept hoping for the pain from the torture to stop. Kept hoping for you to save me like you did before... But no one came. No one was there for me.."

His words stung Emilia deeply. A pained and shocked expression then formed on her face.

"Over time I stopped hoping for anyone coming and for me getting out of that place. Trust me I tried, oh I tried, to get out of that place but nothing worked. I shifted my hope towards praying daily for death. Until eventually I abandoned all hope." He closed his eyes and spoke in a somber tone.

"So there I was, alone, broken and hopeless. In a world where I was guilty because of a smell I had no control over and getting tortured daily in all the fun ways." His mouth formed into a nostalgic smile at that.

"No chance of escaping and no one believed in me no matter what words I'd use. But... Do you know who did?" He opened his eyes and looked carefully at her increasingly hurt expression.

"Satella." His mouth curved into a loving smile.

"She believed in me, sheltered me, held me and comforted me. The only one who was there for me. The only person in the entire world that lifted me up while I was constantly being hammered down to the point of losing my mind. That's why I proudly declare myself for her." He finished off in a soft tone.

Emilia's pained look was replaced with one of great sorrow and anguish. She knew she was cursed, but to hear him of all people say that broke her heart. To hate her is one thing, but to declare for Satella is the worst thing he could've said. She placed both of her hands on her heart.

"W-what? H-how dare you say that?! Subaru you dunderhead! Nincompoop! How dare you say that to me?! I-it hurts... r-really... hurts you know..? I know I hurt you but to say you l-love her...I-I don't believe it. Absolutely not! R-repent and be a good boy! Or I will make Garfiel my knight f-for a week!" She threatened him although the look on her face said it all.

He started chuckling. "Hahaha I admit I wasn't expecting that. Such a good joke! Anyways allow me to correct you." He cleared his throat. "I'm no longer your knight, Emilia. You and everyone else that was present that day saw to it. No, I've taken on a new role instead." He shook his head and puffed his chest out in pride.

"I'm, as of the day you discarded me, the... Champion of sin representing Envy. Natsuki 'Pride' Subaru."

Her eyes shook and she clutched her heart further.

"What's wrong Emilia-tan? Why aren't you reacting the way you always do? Where's the 'Stop villain!' and the finger point? I just declared myself for Satella and wanna know something else?" He asked. Again carefully inspecting her face.

"I fully intend on freeing her. Nothing will stop me from doing that, not even you. So go ahead I'm the villain you said I am. Point at me and shout that." He smiled excitedly at her. Wanting to goad her into action as her imagination was too sad. He wanted to see the version of her he'd see every night.

Emilia had an unreadable expression as she stared at Subaru. Her hands slumped back to her side.

"..."

"..."

"..."

She fell down on her knees and the air around them started to slowly become colder.

"It seems we're about to have a snow festival again! Oooh, isn't that just EXCIIIIITING~!" He chirped happily.

Soon enough he heard the bell voice of Emilia chiming in laughter.

"Cursed...cursed...me...me...I'm cursed..I'm cursed..hahaha..I'm cursed..haha..hahahaha.."

Pride was confused by this. He shrugged it off. "You know in a weird way, I finally got to hear Satella-tan laughing at my jokes. Although I probably shouldn't make that comparison. But still! I finally got to hear her laugh."

"Aa,aa...aah...aaahhhhh!" Emilia paused her laughter and wailed, then began sobbing uncontrollably. Making Pride even more confused as he looked at Emilia weirdly.

"Huh? Emilia-tan?" He asked in confusion.

"I love you."

She began chanting, all the while sobbing heavily. "*Sob* I love you... *Sob* I love you... *Sob* I love you... I love you. I love you. I love you." She tearfully looked at Pride and stood up to hug him again.

"I love you. I love you. I love you."

The ground began freezing up bit by bit until a shadow hand was summoned to knock her out and stop her freeze spell.

An imagination then conjured out of Pride. It was Subaru's inner self. He glared at him coldly.

Are you proud of what you did? Did this make you happy and satisfied?

Pride kept his focus on Emilia and didn't reply to his inner self. "Why did you laugh hard and cry harder?" He questioned as he held Emilia's unconscious figure that was still hugging him. He picked her up and carried her into the bed. He gave a doubtful look as he gazed at her sleeping face. "Are you..r-" He was interrupted by his inner self.

Seeing Emilia like this... It's wrong. It feels... Wrong. It's true she accused us of being a villain but she didn't deserve this treatment. Why did you do all of this, Pride?

...

Pride went to stand in front of the mirror in Emilia's room. Noticing his eyes had tears in them without him realizing it.

"Are you seeing this Inner me?" Pride dismissed his inner self's imagination as he said that.

What am I supposed to see?

Pride pointed out as he looked at himself in the mirror head to toe. "This is us. this isn't me. The way you perceive yourself isn't you either. This is the both of us."

What are you getting at? I already know this is us.

"Hahaha and you're supposed to be the smart one! The one with all the logic!" Pride paused his laughter and spoke clearly as he could feel his inner self's irritation was growing.

"What I'm trying to say is." He pointed at himself in the mirror. "This is what our imaginations have done to us. Our hair wasn't white. Our body wasn't thin. The scars on our body will always be there despite how many times they heal us." He noted, before changing his topic.

"You asked why I did what I did tonight, right? It's really simple. I did it to see if I'd feel anything for them. I already told you hours ago that I've had some entertaining and ironic deaths for everyone." Pride declared wholeheartedly

So you're telling me, you've brutally killed them and did all of this just so you could feel something? What kind of an answer is this? You know we forgave the ones that hurt us ages ago. Almost everyone in this mansion wasn't even present for Priestella. Like I told you before they are not imaginations. This is all real.

Pride shook his head in disagreement. "It's not real. And even if it's real, so what? These people that you call real have all tormented us, tortured us, hurt us, harmed us repeatedly in various ways. They were responsible for our suffering and deaths either directly or indirectly. Think of tonight as a simple small payback for the hilarity that we suffered through since we spawned in this world. The hilarity none of them ever knew about because of the gift Envy gave us."

He glanced at Emilia again before speaking. "You say we forgave the ones that hurt us ages ago. From our point of view Emilia-tan hurt us ages ago too, is she included? Or, or, or. what about Beako? Let's see that reasoning of yours hahaha."

*Heavy sigh* You know full well what I meant. You could've ignored them. You could've said you don't forgive them. You could've simply left. Instead, you've laughed and laughed and laughed. Even at ones that didn't hurt us.

Pride scoffed at his inner self. "Could've, should've, would've. I laugh because It's entertaining! Exciting! All of it! It's funny! Hilarious even! It's enjoyable to see how quickly their expressions change just by saying a single joke hahaha. You know, if I wasn't here you would be doing the same thing."

No, you're a monster, Pride. I'm nothing like you. I don't kill people that have done nothing to me. If I were to kill anyone, I'd kill those who deserve it. The Knights and the Witch's Cult for example. They're the direct cause of what happened to us. I wouldn't go around harming innocent ones just because.

Pride sighed at his inner self's boring approach. "You call me a monster when we're literally the same person. Isn't that a good joke?" He teased a smile before continuing more seriously. "You know for all your logic, you're being stupid and blind on top of it. You keep preaching innocents this and innocents that. If your precious innocent ones were in Priestella they would've done the exact same thing! They would've all shunned us because of our smell and Beatrice's WORDS! Damn it!"

He raised his voice before shifting into a softer one. "I bet you that Ram would join in on the fun alongside our best friends. That's not to say what the real Rem-rin would do if she was awake and present hahaha."

"If your innocent ones were in Priestella they would join them." He waved his hand around to conjure the imaginations he saw every night in his old cell. Of when they all looked at him with disgust and anger as he was dragged away.

Although Emilia had a different look now. She didn't glare at him or point her finger at him. Instead, she held both of her hands to her heart and looked at him sadly.

"Look at this and tell me if any of them is innocent or real again. I'm the part of you that didn't forget how they pranked, teased, joked, smiled, and laughed at us. And I'm paying the favor by pranking, teasing, joking, smiling, and laughing at them in turn." He declared and puffed his chest in pride at that, dismissing the imaginations afterwards.

Emilia.

"Emilia? What about her?" Pride asked in confusion and curiosity at that mention.

She's still alive. You had a lot of time to kill her but didn't. What stopped you? I thought for sure you'd kill her in the end in some shitty way that you'd call ironic and entertaining.

Pride gazed again at Emilia's sleeping form and gave a sad smile. "I do and I... don't at the same time. I had her in the palm of my hand and I just, I... I'm not sure why." His sad smile turned mischievous. "You're the one with all the rationale, right? You go figure it out. Hey, who knows, maybe you'll laugh for once instead of me."

Pride then yawned sleepily. "Anyway, this has gone boringly enough. I've said what I wanted to say so feel free to kill ourselves or do whatever you want. If you want to reset or not is fine by me. I won't kill our imaginations again if that's what you're worried about, and because I had so SOOOO~ much fun from tonight's pranks I'll let you take control." Pride finished off with a laugh.

---

Author's note.

(These notes are all pre re-write so I'm leaving them).

I apologize for how dark this chapter was though. Then again Re:forgotten and dark goes hand in hand.

Shoutout to the guest that called this Dr Subaru and Mr Pride. That made me laugh.

Anyways, hope you guys enjoyed the all-night pranks!