AN:
Thank you so much for the guest reviewer for you comment! This story has gotten so few of them that having someone praise it feels amazing, I really, really appreciate it! :D
"I'm all done. Quickly put some clothes on before you'll freeze."
Artemisia gave Accius' aunt, whose name she'd by then learned to be Fulcinia, a grateful nod once her hands withdrew from her back after wiping it clean. Finishing with washing her backside, while Artemisia placed her own cleaning rag to the floor after scrubbing off the grime that had caked onto her calves. Fulcinia steadying her as she stiffly shifted closer to the exit of the wagon, and upon turning once her hand reached for her spare dress she gave the kind woman a smile. Thankful of her help, as even she wasn't injured like Guinevere was, simple movements brought even more difficulty to her now so close to childbirth. Artemisia then briefly dropping the gown into her lap as she gazed down at the prominent bulge before her fingers brushed over the stretched skin. The scare of the commencing birth to have by then subsided as it had turned out the increased spams to have not proceeded further than that, but Fulcinia had still warned her of the possibility the baby to be due shortly…Which the girl then however tried not to think about and slipped into her concise underdress, once her head popped out of the garment her casting her eyes back to the older woman who was now aiding Guinevere. Also washing her back, while just like Artemisia the young woman took care of her front side, together them continuing to clean all that dirt and dried traces of blood off of her, while Artemisia shifted her gaze away once the filth gave room to several gruesome bruises to come visible on her pale skin.
Artemisia finally squashed herself into her white gown until inched closer to the wagon's edge, wrapping a robe around her shoulders until moved away the curtain and dropped down to the ground. Instantly regretting her desire to catch some air as the rather cold draught brushed back her damp hair, and to escape the cold feel of it she put on her hood. Re-attaching the curtain to keep the little accumulated warmth inside the small space before distanced herself from the wagon, taking note of Lancelot who then arrived from out of the shadows of the clearing they had found from a forest Arthur had ordered them to seek shelter from. Finally giving them time to rest their weary bones utterly worn out by their pressing flight from the Saxons. While enjoying his own time of repose Lancelot now locking gazes with Artemisia after he finally pried his eyes away from Marius and his guards conversing intently amongst themselves, casting her a quizzical look.
"Still in need of a sample of my wine? I can assure you the taste is very invigorating as it is terrible", she heard him call out to her, that impish grin he was wearing for a moment proving him to be teasing her until he was simply eyeing at her in appraisal. Like many of his companions to have figured the three women to have closed themselves within the wagon due to the child being finally born, only to be now proven wrong by not only her refreshed appearance…but that same huge belly that was still as massive as it had been.
"I'm a whole new woman even without your elixir of life", Artemisia replied, flashing him a curt, shy smile of her own which was also a tad addled as she wasn't accustomed of this particular knight addressing her directly, as he'd never done so before aside for a side comment here and there during an ongoing exchange like earlier today. However not rejecting his gesture of geniality as abrupt as it was, and she simply returned his gaze politely. "But I thank you for your kindness, good knight."
"There's nothing good about me", Lancelot stated, confusing Artemisia a bit further then as his expression took a turn to something darker and more profound. Perhaps reminding something affiliated to self-loathing until his lips spread into a new, this time a glum smile. "I'm just a man who sees goodness as something to aspire to…Not something I am liable to in this otherwise fell world I've found myself in."
"Surely that isn't so", the girl argued, glancing behind herself at the wagon a small distance away from them until her eyes lastly landed onto the sleeping boy who was once more watched over by Dagonet. "Should you not hold such goodness in you, I don't think you to be capable of condoning such kindness as to take all these people with you at the risk of your life, yet alone expressing it."
"Our deeds derive from Arthur's orders…Not so much from our conscience", Lancelot replied curtly, him looking at Artemisia now somewhat sharply square in the eye, but although he perhaps tried to gallow her with such callous words she didn't quite believe them…Like with Galahad at times being now able to see the pain that had shone through Lancelot's remark that had aimed to be heartless, however only showcasing his inner struggle with himself…and the clear demons not only he but all of the knights must've been battling with.
"As terrible as your deeds may make yourself to appear in the eyes of others and yourself, there has to be more to you than the mere outlook of you…Either derived by your conscience or mere sense of fidelity, it's still there…to what extent one can only wonder."
"Do you think so of us all, or just Galahad?" Lancelot inquired then, stunning the girl shortly and she blinked at him in surprise once he decided to use his comrade's shown consideration towards her to challenge her, and indeed managed to faze her with his following allusive remark. "After all he is the only one of us who has never regarded you as a mere burden on this journey."
Artemisia returned Lancelot's gaze pensively, unable to see through his supposedly brusque façade, although knew that behind that snide smirk laid something sensitive that he perhaps tried to avoid bringing upon in regard to himself. Addressing it only through indications made to it by hints at Galahad's supposed true character. Therefore Artemisia then meeting the man's eyes sternly although didn't take him too seriously, as although she couldn't quite read him, she knew him not to be doing this out of spite…But out of consideration he harbored for his brother in arms and perhaps, even her by deciding to forewarn her. "Do you mean to say I shouldn't?"
"I'm simply stating that perhaps the indulgence he's shown you has given you reason to believe him to be much better a man than he truly is…What any of us really are. He's young and hence the most pure-minded out of all of us with all the naïve, childlike dreams remaining to adhere to it…But still a plain shadow of a man he could've grown to be should've life been more kind to him."
Artemisia stopped herself from frowning, as without realizing it Lancelot's notion had partly hit the nail directly on the head, but still in disbelief of his so bleak view of himself and his fellow knights she then only shook her head after a small silence. Smiling at the man, not any less discouraged by his subtle attempt of perhaps advice her not to come to care for his true essence so imprudently, as ultimately neither she nor the man in question was in the position of doing so…But despite of that she couldn't stop herself from going against Lancelot's conviction, was it similar childlike naivety that led her not to agree with it or not.
"I don't blame you for considering me so since I know to be nothing but an excessive toil to you…although I am glad of his efforts for trying to make me think otherwise", Artemisia replied cheerfully. Her smile turning more genuine at the fleeting mention of Galahad without whose occasional encouragement she figured to have been left at much more fretful state, especially after the stressful events of the past few days. No matter what kind of a man Lancelot was trying to make of Galahad to her, Artemisia knowing better than to rely on his perception of the man…For the side she'd seen in the young knight seemed to be way different than the one his comrade was trying to caution her of. "So if that indulgence makes me biased into thinking him better of a person than he really is, then I don't mind…For whatever he is, I regard him just as he appears to me. In all of his possible wickedness and false virtue shared by you all in your joint life of hardship…That is what I think. And it doesn't frighten me."
Lancelot considered her words until eventually raised his eyebrows a tad, sighing upon leveling a more earnest look at the girl who he was downright surprised to have not been affected by his cautionary remark, although upon first coming across him and his fellow knights she'd been extremely skittish towards them...Although things had ever since been different with Galahad, as for some reason she'd always been very trusting of him…So upon then realizing it to be impossible to avert the girl from getting too attached to that sense of faith she had of him Lancelot now raised a hand to brush off the snowflakes that had coated his dark curls while tilted his head at Artemisia's response, admitting defeat upon leant against a tree trunk. Where Artemisia then let her eyes wander about their campsite until they discovered Accius who was now chatting away with his uncle and his guards by their fire, them to have secluded themselves to the other side of the camp, where Arthur and his men along with the rest of the accompanying people had claimed the rest of the clearing to their use. Artemisia's smile widening for a moment, for this was the first time in a long while that she'd truly seen Accius ever since leaving the Honorius estate, Lancelot however bringing her intentions to join him to naught with his following reply.
"Then you can ask that of him directly…But I'm certain that deep in his ever so hopeful, fledgling heart not yet fully corrupted by the depravity of our existence even he's also come to realize this…As have we all during our years of mindless slaughter done to defend the glory of that which has never been ours to begin with…And that blood that shall forever stain us, the false honor we have accumulated by shedding it, will never be cleansed by any manner of remission…Through a sympathetic ear or otherwise."
Artemisia turned her head, to look where Lancelot was beckoning to and did saw his fellow knight in question who was now sitting alone by the fire at the opposite side of the clearing. The rest of his comrades to have left to attend to their own needs after lounging there jesting and conversing as they'd done many a time during the journey and years before that, leaving now the lone Galahad to linger there. To what it appeared trim down his overgrown beard, the movement of his knife brisk and blunt as he cut through the thick tufts of his facial hair, but soon enough was done. After watching the man next to put away the knife and trying to chase the chill away by rubbing his palms together before stretching them out towards the hot flames Artemisia then leaving Lancelot on his own as went back to the wagon. Pushing an arm inside to feel her way around until located the blanket she'd folded next to her bag and took it out, instead of heading to the direction where Accius was going over to lone Galahad. Taking the contemplative man aback once she placed the blanket next to him onto the ground, earning a surprised look from him once Galahad's head shot up to see Artemisia to join him by the fire. After a passing surprise him raising an immediate arm to help the girl down.
"You could be resting", she pointed out. Settling into a more comfortable position before looked up to the knight in amusement as thought back to his unorthodox nap. "You should be resting."
"And what of you? Is it good for you to be out here?" the man inquired, giving her an iffy look after his own initial confusion of seeing her arrive with her baby belly instead of a child, but then again he nor any of the others had come to hear any cries of a newborn during the passed hours, or hers for that matter. "We figured that since Lady Honorius requested Arthur to make camp so suddenly the baby was finally on its way."
"No. But it's good really. I don't want to put all these people in danger of dying should we stop for me to deliver him…Risk you who would have to fight for our survival", Artemisia answered, letting out a sigh until gazed over to the other Sarmatian knights, who seemed to be sending the pair of them curious glances, until once more minded their own business once Galahad also peered to their way. Him giving her a brisk nod in response before broke into a carefree smile after picking up her slight concerned expression, crossing his legs in front of himself as pushed a plateful of freshly roasted meat over to Artemisia. Fishing out a piece for himself.
"We rest a few hours and continue in the morning. Tristan said the Saxons have been left behind enough for them not being able to catch up to us as long as we keep on moving."
"And us stopping won't have them close the distance between us and them?" Artemisia asked, pausing in guiding the strip of the small bird in her mouth as faced Galahad. The knight biting into his own piece of paltry and shook his head, after finishing his meat next tossing the returned blanket over the girl's knees after taking notice of the deficient way she was dressed before wrapped himself into his own cloak for warmth. However not being able to withhold the slight shiver that ran through him then, Artemisia also noticing this, and after a swift glance given to him she soon raised the blanket. Spreading the other end over the knight's outstretched legs, and Galahad cast a new taken aback look up to her until just smiled as she thought nothing of it. Simply giving her own frosty fingers a rub until pushed them towards the fire, where Galahad picked up the plate and placed it into her lap.
"Eat. You need it more than I do."
"Are you sure? It is you who has to keep up your energy in case of a sudden attack", Artemisia said good-humoredly, sarcasm making an appearance in her eyes that then leveled an amused look at the grinning knight who beckoned to her stomach. His own reply even if amused still remarkable.
"I'm not the one eating for two."
At that moment despite of her aim to protest Artemisia's belly made an audible growl, one that caused the girl to blush where Galahad couldn't help himself and chuckled at her flushed complexion. Next producing a pair of cups in which he then poured some water, handing the other to Artemisia who still avoided looking straight at him upon accepted it.
"There you have it. Human constitution doesn't leave you room to be courteous."
"Thank you", Artemisia murmured sheepishly, glancing at her midriff once she noticed the knight to give it another amused look-over. Claiming a new piece of meat that she then washed down with a sip of the clear liquid that had bit of a bitter aftertaste, her assuming the flask to have previously contained wine before the knight had re-filled it with water.
"Don't mention it. Just care for yourself."
As she ate Artemisia came to observe Galahad. Watching him lounge beside her until after a while he dropped to a half prone position, although aware of her attention still but impassive to her stare as propped himself from the ground with his elbows. Gazing into the lively heart of the fire until their silence was cut by his following inquiry.
"Should we expect the little imp to make an appearance any time soon, or is he insisting on keeping us in suspense of his eventual birth?"
"I don't know…I haven't had any spasms since we stopped, but Fulcinia…lady Honorius said it could happen any time now", Artemisia elaborated, giving the knight a slight smile as a result of his playful tone but pressed against her belly with her fingers, nervously, where Galahad's mien was then shadowed by severity and his forehead creased accordingly. In worry, him however not stating out his arisen concerns, just nodding in understanding as plucked out a branch from a nearby young birch and placed it into the flames. Soon lifting it and watching the fire to spread along the sprig until cast it amongst the rest of the already burning firewood, the burning branch leaving behind a pleasant scent.
"I see."
"Can I ask you something?" Artemisia queried suddenly, after another brief silence had gone by and she'd gathered enough courage to probe about what Lancelot had earlier incited her about…And what she'd been wondering about at times even before having the older knight to urge her to inquire about it from his comrade directly. Galahad locking friendly gazes with her, although was alerted by her sudden dithering countenance that still was more curious, signaling the next part of their exchange to not turn out as light-hearted and idle as it had been so far.
"Always", Galahad granted, following the girl to wring her hands a little uneasily until she faced him. Compassion but also caution in her eyes that then looked deepest into his than ever before, in true desire to find out the answer to her question she then made…An act which in itself then left the young knight strangely a little shaken.
"Is it true that all your years serving Arthur, fighting in the name of Rome under the allegiance of the Empire, defending its borders have left you…unsure of yourself and who you've become during your service?"
"We have ever fought but in the name of Arthur", Galahad stated sharply, causing the girl to at first think her to have insulted him from the manner he then scowled at the smoldering firewood until closed his eyes. Sighing deeply as ran a hand across his face, smoothing down his facial hair that had been left a bit disheveled by his rough cropping of it. "Our allegiance has ever been but to Arthur, and even it led us shedding blood for Rome we did so, as long as it was in service of our Commander who didn't aspire to obliterate us unlike the Empire that enslaved us…Forcing us act as its tool for war…For Arthur is as bound to Rome as we are, and if it weren't for him, all of us would've ran a blade through each Roman we came upon."
Galahad regretted his a tad too harsh choice of words as he noticed Artemisia to gasp just slightly once she naturally came to think of Accius, her then swiftly turning her now more startled eyes away from him the minute his turned over to her. Artemisia focusing her attention to the sparks that were flying out of the fire, watching them dance in the air, in turn regretting of bringing the whole affair up.
"I'm sorry. It doesn't concern me, so I shouldn't have asked", she apologized, but as she glanced over to Galahad she found him to be more sorry than irked. Therefore luring her to turn over to him as he next spoke, his tone this time mellow and devoid of that previous hatred.
"Don't be. It's just…I haven't ever discussed this with anyone. Nor has anyone ever asked about it before", Galahad said, sharing a meaningful look with the girl after offering her a passing, dejected smile. Artemisia gauging at him for a moment until inclined her head, meeting the knight's gaze now a bit reproachfully.
"I simply reckoned that since you insisted on me revealing my secrets, I was owed some answers myself", she mused, but despite of her annoyed tone she did then turn more amused and she did manage to make Galahad smile, even she could tell the shift in topic to have after all left him notably melancholic. The young knight casting an apologetic look up to the girl as sat up, new kind of severity taking over his pleasant features.
"You're right."
"So…it bothers you?" the girl surmised. Galahad letting out a gloomy snort of concur, his smile now far from joyful.
"I wouldn't be human if it didn't…So I suppose it is relieving to know there's at least something humane about me still to acknowledge that."
Artemisia didn't say anything to that, just gazed at Galahad sorrowfully, feeling his pain through that single remark he'd yet said in response to her previous inquiry…Which indeed proved Lancelot to have been right. That like him and their other comrades there wasn't much hope for him to escape the hideous self-image he deemed to have adopted along the years, in his mere attempt to survive…To see his home once again. Artemisia then not bearing to look at him for awhile as so sad his following words made her, the amount of contrition he was clearly under that practiced, unfeeling façade of a stonehearted warrior he'd had to assume to endure the time spent as a pawn for Rome.
"After enough time had gone by I figured all the things we'd done along the years of defending the Roman borders, all the lives we'd taken for the sake of fulfilling Rome's ambition to pursue our own, would stop weighing on my conscience…That all the death begot by me would eventually turn me numb to the very horror that had been my life ever since I was a lad barely old enough to be regarded as a man…And yet I was. Forced to become one the moment this blade drew blood for the very first time…Making me the murderer I still am today", Galahad said. His delivery so earnest and yet so saddening that Artemisia was then compelled to look at him. But not in fear that would've been expected by him, but in such condolence that it did do away some of the bleakness of his latest remark…Even enabling him to think that since his words weren't terrifying this girl as much as they did him, perhaps she was able to see something in him which he'd long since lost sight of.
"I am a murderer…No matter what I would tell myself nothing would change the fact that all these years I've killed not only to live…but to appease the will of Rome that ruled our enemy their enemy, commanding us to commit acts that once had made us detest the Empire in the first place…Only to become as malign as those I vowed to do my best to destroy with my newfound freedom. And perhaps it wouldn't be so harrowing if our crimes would've amounted to have a justified purpose, instead of Rome simply abandoning the lands we've practically damned ourselves to protect."
Galahad turned even grimmer by each passing word and his attention was solely fixated to the forest in front of him as he spoke. One of his hands gripping around the hilt of his weapon as his solemn mien soon cracked once he turned more emotional by the end of his monologue, the barrage of all he'd held dammed inside him leaving him much more vulnerable than he'd intended or imagined, and yet he didn't mind it so…As long as it was her hearing that which he'd ever kept even from his brothers in arms.
"So once the end of our service began to draw near I found myself pondering over the entitlement of our actions more and more often…Eventually coming to a realization that even if I was to be set free one day, allowed to go back to where I was born and forget everything that has happened after I left…I wouldn't. For as much as my heart aches to return to that place I am not that boy anymore, and the lives I've taken will ever haunt me till my final breath …Which would make it an actual relief should I indeed die on a battlefield, atoning for my sins with my own blood, instead of facing a life spent in never ending penance over those I've slain...And that terrifies me more than whatever the past years have possibly made me."
Galahad flinched as suddenly he felt how Artemisia's hand darted out to take hold of his arm, him giving it a baffled glance until saw her fingers to clench around his vambrace before he could feel her eyes to study him. So cordially that it stroke a true chord in him, as he next locked gazes with her him feeling like none of that which he just had said mattered once she argued against his made argument by that stern look she gave him until her grasp loosened. Her mien morphing into more tender as she smiled at him once she'd gotten his attention, honestly stunned Galahad simply staring back at her once she soon replied. Neither condoning his attitude that deemed him more worthy of death by an enemy sword than to a life free of guilt he could achieve…only if he found it in himself to see past the man he had been forced to become in favor of holding onto that unspoiled, innocent boy he yearned to be.
"I don't think it is a question of who we are…but how we act accordingly to who we want to be...And what we do to become it."
Without further pondering over that Galahad was quick to endow Artemisia's response with a genuine, appreciative smile. To have not indeed told such things to her for the girl to bemoan over his fate even if cruel, but to help her understand…And as he then came to realize help him understand, and thanks to her just said words Galahad found himself surprisingly less conflicted…Less burdened by his past misdeeds, and in awe of this be couldn't help but revere Artemisia's kindness. One if ever found in a woman even close to equally true as her, he would cherish till the end of his days…without question.
"Then you should do so also. Put the blame on the man who violated you instead of letting what he did take the best of you…Define how you see yourself", Galahad said, at first smiling at Artemisia in an emboldening manner until the way her hand quickly drew away from him at the mention of Argus caused him to assume a new serious expression. The girl instantly reverting back to her subdued, meek self as she faced away from him while considered his words, naturally deeming them pointless.
"What he did…I can't forget it. I will never get past it, not as long as this child exists to remind me of him", Artemisia stated. Galahad leveling an incredulous look at her as sighed, surprising the girl in turn as he then suddenly placed his hand to the back of her previously withdraw wrist. To draw her gaze as he spoke, like her before not approving the way she was demeaning herself in favor of the ingrate who'd caused her to value herself the most poor out of all, despite of her seeing good even in a man like him…In someone who possibly was beyond saving, unlike her.
"The difference between you and me is that the deeds depraving me were done by me and me alone…Where you simply were a victim of someone else's malice that had nothing to do with your actions", he told her, taking the girl aback, and as he continued to speak his severity eventually mellowed down and he found himself smiling wistfully. Truly hoping for her to see that despite of the things she'd gone through and which brought her pain, she was lucky to have never faced the same terrors as he had… Letting it show on his current expression that Artemisia did soon see to be consumed by remorse, years of lament over the way he'd spent them, hint of dread even once he was finished. "So from the two us you are the redeemable one…Unlike I who is unfit for it with all the blood in my hands that will never be erased no matter how much I try to justify it all to have been done for the sake of even if not a good cause…but a personal one. Which makes my conviction of committing such depravity even worse, don't you think? For who am I to ask for freedom, when to achieve it I've committed so much of that which I used to detest my captors for doing at the expense of the innocent?...Even if not really choosing any of it myself."
Artemisia averted Galahad's gaze, in pity as his words had resonated with that which Lancelot had previously said…That like him also Galahad had come to see himself unworthy of forgiveness due to everything that had made him hate himself so…Of understanding and compassion of the likes of her who didn't truly know or understand the kind of men he and his comrades had turned into. But Artemisia believed that wasn't true. That even if she wouldn't have been able to fully grasp the nature of his true being, she still was able to reach out for that side of him that still existed within him…The side that Lancelot had called as hopeful and fledgling, naively believing to be made anew by the day he would be free to leave his current self behind once released under Rome's rule...Even though everything Galahad had just told her left her uncertain did he still endorse such hopes, which then caused her to take in a deep breath, to consider her following reply.
"By saying so is your intention to have me fear you in the end?"
"You once said that you did…That whenever I wield this blade you begin to fear the man I am in battle", Galahad mused then, dead serious suddenly as met the girl's gaze. As if trying to find confirmation to his just said claim from her eyes that then looked straight at him after staring at his sword he'd then fully taken out for her to see, in similar and odd expectation to Lancelot's to see her agree with his dismal viewpoint of what he initially was, although she'd already proven to find more in in him than the qualities he found so detestable…Which didn't come to define him in her eyes as they did in his.
"Over the course of this journey I've come to think differently…That maybe I shouldn't fear the man you are upon wielding that sword, but what it has made you…And whom you are now unable to distinct from the person you truly are under all that you dread so much to have changed by wishing to rather die than to face your true self", Artemisia informed him. For her following surprise the young knight soon letting out a resigned sigh after returning her in turn stoic gaze and taking her words in, hanging his head in defeat.
"You are so lenient. It's a mystery to me how anyone could reject the strength your sincere devotion brings to them", he mused. Smiling as he said it after a curt dismay, although Artemisia didn't seem to fully understand his meaning. But it well suited him, as he then came to realize to have perhaps never met a person this altruistic, and a wider smile quickly made its way on his lips once he reckoned to be more drawn by her amiability than he perhaps had come to admit himself…But the truth was that he was. More than he ever had been in company of any woman he'd shared similar private moment with, even this one was but a child while compared to him…And yet despite of this, the banter he'd endured from his fellow knights over this very fact, he couldn't help but play with the idea of going along with that certain something that so often had enticed him to her company…As it had for ever growing instances over the course of the previous days.
"You comrade accused me of the same. Claiming me to give too much value to my impression of your similar disposition that may've been giving me false hopes", Artemisia replied. In turn stunning Galahad who straightened slightly as she then glanced over to where Lancelot was sitting by the same tree she'd previously met him, and after casting a pensive look at his fellow knight he returned his attention to the girl by his side...Whose attention however had been next directed to the second campfire, to discover Accius to have disappeared. Artemisia searching for the young man with her gaze for awhile while Galahad mulled over her previous response, claiming his sword from where he'd shortly placed it and set in onto his knees. Leaning onto the scabbard as this time leveled an honestly curious look at the pregnant girl.
"And do you?"
Artemisia shifted her eyes back to Galahad, wondering how could his usually so bright blue eyes look so dark now in the cover of the night, before her briefly puzzled expression turned back to genial as she gave the knight a similar smile she'd offered to Lancelot earlier…A smile that reflected her stand in the matter perfectly, without her even needing to answer to him for him to understand…Which also then brought out a new smile from Galahad as well, a more relieved one if he was completely honest once the girl soon spoke, giving him such abrupt and profound sense of peace he never would've imagined to feel during that moment…Or any moment for that matter.
"I simply try to give value to people who deserve it…And you with your willingness to do the same can't be any less deserving of my trust. No matter how terrible you try to make yourself seem to prove me wrong…"
Galahad let out an incredulous sigh. Soon enough upon looking at Artemisia and following her to finally lower her hood, at the sight of her uncombed tousle of locks flopping down to her shoulder thinking over her previous comment as she proceeded to rake through the knots in her washed hair. The slow rakes of her fingers and the soothing picture of her silhouette getting sprinkled by the snow crystals soon causing Galahad to endorse that if conditions would've been right…if there weren't all those things standing in the way of him taking his own chance at losing himself to the feel of comfort she continued to give him by each day, and he would be free to do so he would've very much allowed himself to be led on by his emotions in that particular instance…That sensation he got while now sitting beside this girl he would've been wise not to regard as something more than a charge similar to all those other civilians currently in their company's care, but right then he decided not to be so wise…For a brief moment imagining a possibility to do and say as he right then very much desired, despite of it going against everything he himself had so far considered proper…Therefore speaking without realizing it.
"If only…"
"What?" Artemisia asked, snapping her head to Galahad's direction in confusion until saw the man to smile enigmatically, shaking a dismissive head at her. Next turning his gaze away from hers after eyeing at her for a while and picked up a dry leaf from the ground, throwing it into the fire.
"Nothing."
In silent response Artemisia cast her eyes down. In shame upon coming to consider the things she'd just told him to make him feel better, and how they branded her a mere hypocrite, as naturally she then came to think of Accius…And like at times could then but doubt him in that regard, although like before all of her scruples were soon enough whisked away by her sworn devotion to the lad…The fact that he above anyone was deserving of her trust, as much as he was deserving of her love by caring for her despite of it perhaps costing him more than his military career…Even the stature of his family. But it was then that she spotted him, Accius, lounging in the dark of the rimming forest not far from where Lancelot was…Purposefully trying to remain in the shadows as he stared at the nearby wagon, his steady gaze that didn't divert as much as to detect the baffled looks Artemisia sent his way once she now behold him to peer across the curtain of the wagon…To spy at the nude woman inside it.
The subtle smile she saw to curve up the corners of his lips then pierced her heart. The humiliating sight of him suddenly standing there bringing her emotional turmoil to a grinding halt as she now stared at her lover…Now clearly and painfully aware of his apparent transfixion with the Woad woman, which had remained a full mystery to her during her separation from the lad until now, whose state of belonging to a race of savages he and all of Rome had come to fear and therefore loathe didn't seem to dim her bewitching beauty the least…Working its magic in the Legionnaire by having him take this time to covet a glimpse of her nakedness when he supposed no one was watching…Causing Artemisia to admit what she'd already perceived while spending the previous days with her…That she was truly beautiful. Rivarling the very mythical goddesses spoken of in tales and lore in looks and her stoic charm that was evident to win over any a man, and upon thinking this Artemisia couldn't help but compare herself to her…Arriving to a swift conclusion that whatever she possessed wasn't even remotely mirrored in her, for Accius had never gazed upon her like he now looked upon Guinevere…The very craving glances he cast to her way upon first watching her through the thin veil of the wagon and later following her step out of it signaling him to deem that woman as something Artemisia had always imagined to be for him; the most enchanting thing he'd ever laid eyes upon…Only that with an aching heart Artemisia now understood that despite of her beliefs in a single moment she'd been bested in everything by a random woman whom Accius didn't know nor at first had even wished to save, only to now be so drawn by the mere allure of her comely appearance…Which in itself then caused Artemisia's chest to tighten as she turned her eyes away once Galahad took notice of her stare, back to the flames of the fire to once more push back the uncomfortable, upsetting revelations that echoed very much the things she'd been informed of concerning her not so solid relationship with Accius, as well as the doubts she herself had come to harbor…Until Galahad soon caused it all to be overcome by plain woe with his soon to come question.
"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to…" he began, eyeing at the glum looking girl for a bit until assumed a more tender expression. Brought upon by the compassion that instantly took over his quickly arisen anger over the person responsible of leaving her in such misery...as well as his brother who didn't appear all that more commendable than the rest of his obnoxious family. "How did you first come upon him? The Legionnaire and…his brother."
Galahad had previously followed Artemisia's gaze, also catching the young man while he was openly spying on the rescued Pikt woman, although wasn't himself aware of the reason why it had left Artemisia this visibly upset at first as the knight didn't know of Guinevere to have been bathing inside the wagon. Him now watching the girl to make a chagrined mien, closing her eyes as once again her arms circled around her torso, in displeasure of having to recollect the things his inquiry brought up…Things that continued to give her waking nightmares…However despite of taking a long while her actually responding to him, even at first the knight had assumed her to refuse to pick up the topic with him after the way she had reacted to him finding out her secret…But after gazing into the flames in vivid variation of emotions that eventually scaled towards reluctance she spoke…Not as overwrought as she'd been before while first speaking of the horrible things done to her, but still not any happier, her blue tone conveying the way she next said each word with all the while heavier heart.
"My life…used to be very sheltered. I only ever remained within the temple grounds and was allowed to leave only if given permission by one of the higher ranked priestesses who at times sent us out on errands…And the very first time I met them I was fetching water from a well just outside the temple on the day their regiment returned from repressing a revolt of a joined host of Germanic tribes, and upon stopping for a wash at the nearby fountain Argus took notice of me…and came to talk to me."
Galahad frowned. "What happened?"
"Once Argus grew too upfront with his advances I left…Until a few days later Accius came back alone, to see me. First twice a week, and then he came by almost every day…but so did Argus. He always arrived before Accius and every time tried his hardest to seduce me, have me fall for his advances and give into him, meet him alone outside the temple grounds…But when I didn't, when I rejected him after telling him that I had grown to have feelings for Accius he…vanished. Until the night he came to the temple and…"
Artemisia couldn't say it, her simply casting her desolate eyes to her hands that were squeezing the blanket as she did then finish her sentence, however knowingly not stating out that which the man beside her already knew. "…You know what."
"Didn't anyone hear you? You…did call for help?" Galahad asked. Doubtful as to how couldn't have anyone heard her get attacked and not come to her aid, yet alone to have not discovered the man sneaking into the temple.
"I tried. But just after he woke me, first letting me think he was Accius until I heard his voice and realized who he was, he gagged me…I couldn't move. He was on top of me and his hold was so tight that I…He was too strong", Artemisia elaborated, now finally breaking into silent, anguished tears that caused now the young knight's heart to sink as she then turned away. Too embarrassed and ashamed to look at him, to conceal the signs of her crying by wiping the tears away, and Galahad did then face the fire instead. Only after a while casting a quizzical look at the once more quiet Artemisia who'd had a small moment to get her emotions under control…but just barely.
"How did no one notice you were with child?" Galahad wondered, earning a fleeting glance from Artemisia.
"I managed to hide it until I ran away with Accius."
"But how…were you able to convince him that the child was his?" Galahad asked then. Knowing that it was none of his business, that he had no right to get into such details despite of everything he'd already found out, but although Artemisia also realized this, she also knew him to be privy to many things about her circumstance that he shouldn't have been…So what reason she would have to hide it?
"I didn't leave the temple grounds within the next month, not even to meet Accius…But once I began to show signs of pregnancy I snuck out of the temple and went to visit a midwife…And after realizing what had happened I went back and asked one of my sister vestals to deliver a note to him…Asking him to see me", Artemisia told him, looking at Galahad significantly and she didn't need to continue for him to then understand once he saw her blush. Him replying with an uneasy nod as shifted his own eyes away, quite honestly not willingly considering her and the Legionnaire in that particular aspect taken the kind of womanizing scoundrel he seemed to be…Just like his rapist of a brother.
"At first I just wanted to tell him what Argus had done…But I couldn't. I was afraid of hurting him, but I also feared that should he have told Argus he would've come back some other night…To keep me quiet", Artemisia continued. Taking a break then as let out a shaky breath at the fearsome thought, licking her lips in an attempt to speak up, but after all required a moment more to find the right words…In the end her simply folding her arms across her stomach. "I waited for a little over a week until I told Accius about the child, just as his regiment was set to leave for a new post in the Germanic regions they'd previously recovered…and the rest you already know."
Galahad looked at Artemisia in disbelief. "He didn't suspect anything?"
Artemisia's eyes now took on a more solemn look as they locked with Galahad's. "Thank the gods he didn't."
She was met with another silence as Galahad this time opted not to say anything, not to voice out the numerous doubts and caveats he'd already come to have long since discovering the manner her intended was carrying his responsibility of taking care of her and their supposed child…Neither him then saying a word against his more than flawed way of fulfilling his role as a devoted parent, but then again…like Artemisia also he was nothing but a kid. A negligent brat with no sense of obligation to other than his manful urges and infantile intuition that drove him to disregard even the girl he claimed to care for in his conceited desire for gratification. As he pondered over this Galahad however missing the way Artemisia had began to watch him once more, eyeing at him with a countenance that reflected not much of that previous affliction, mellowed by an emotion that by then chased away the rest of her malaise. Finally claiming the knight's attention as she smiled at him, looking next somewhat wistful as she did so after her eyes had briefly gazed over to where she'd last seen Accius, but like before finding him to have disappeared once Guinevere had met with Lancelot.
"Why I couldn't fall in love with a man like you? Then…it all would've been so much easier. Less painful. Less…uncertain", Artemisia stated, surprising Galahad, as although she was clearly looking at him…into his eyes, he still wasn't sure was she actually addressing him or simply voicing out her private musings, but once her longing smile then faltered and she rose to her knees Galahad simply followed silently as she placed a hand on his shoulder to raise herself up. His arm once more accommodating her movements and he let her take support from him as his hand settled onto her waist to keep her upright, locking immediate gazes with her as she now distinctly spoke to him instead of herself.
"But the one who will in time…shall be a lucky woman. And I can't help but envy her whoever she is."
Galahad blinked, his eyebrows knitting slightly in surprise of her words until he soon found himself after all acting against what was wise of him the more he mulled over them. Before he realized it taking hold of Artemisia's hand while it still lingered on his shoulder once she was about to leave the campfire, rising to his own feet as next leveled an earnest look at her.
"You should leave him. He's not worthy of you."
Artemisia stared at him in astonishment, in eventual confusion of the knight's such straightforward compulsion. Giving him a skeptical look in return as found him then but ridiculous...Not making any sense. "How could I? I…I left everything to be with him. If I did leave him what would be there left for me?"
"I know that. But at the same time I can see that this cannot be what you want…of life and for yourself", Galahad replied, his staid delivery however not having the same impact on Artemisia this time around as she suddenly looked at him rather sharply. Her voice more callous once she responded, in swiftly flared up anger of his willingness to interfere with matters that he perhaps had been informed of, but definitely not approved to have a say in.
"You're wrong."
"How could I be?" Galahad argued, despite of his solemn demeanor striving not to be too harsh with her. Only finally wanting to prove there to be better things waiting for her…If she only would relinquish her feelings for the Legionnaire, along with all the bad that came with them. "How does it feel whenever he treats you with mere indifference, even you should be the center of his very life? Do you see it justified for him to dismiss you and your needs in place of his? He dragged you away from your home, not for your sake but his own, as he is a deserter from the army and would've faced death should he have stayed in Rome with you…And he didn't even marry you. Despite of his given word."
"I told you. There was no time. You know there wasn't", Artemisia countered, pulling herself free of the knight's hold in irritation, but even though she had assumed a defiant expression Galahad could tell her to begin to hesitate as she said so. Therefore continuing to compel her to see his way, to see reason.
"Yes, he promised that you'd be wed once you'd arrive to his uncle's estate…But instead he left you. When he himself went inside to feast with his family in the warmth of their home, he left you out in the cold to fend for your own. And has alienated you ever since."
"Why are you saying this?" Artemisia asked, now a bit jadedly as confronted the knight's somber gaze. Her words not as heated this time as she stared at him, demanding him to explain why he was so adamant of having her forsake Accius and all that he'd come to be for her.
"Because I can see that he's not worthy of your affection. He may have claimed to love you, but he only truly cares for himself. He…is deceiving you, Artemisia", Galahad told her. His words now more sincere than grievous, him however not further elaborating them, although he was fully aware of the lad cheating her with other girls. And indeed she had laid witness to the way Accius had been staring at Guinevere at length herself, enticed by her as if he was permitted to act so…But still after everything, how could she simply believe what Galahad was telling her?...Accept it as truth when everything she had built her hopes upon relyed on her faith in him…Therefore after a brief, new hesitation she shot the man an aggrieved look. Now truly taking offense of his slander of the lad, which in the end wasn't all that surprising taken their earlier discussion that had more than clearly brought out Galahad's hatred of Rome…And all those serving it.
"Because he's a Roman?" she retorted, dismissively, although her voice was taut as she addressed him. "You are saying I shouldn't trust him so simply because he was born a Roman?"
"Yes! You've seen first-hand how cold he can be…How ruthless. And has been even to you. The way he's treated you is not the way a man should treat the one they love", Galahad concurred, vexing the girl even further until she was once more left but conflicted by him. By her outlook of him knowing Galahad to be initially a good man who had no reason to deceive her, but then again neither could she believe Accius to have any either. Her next only coming to measure Galahad's assertive features with dithering eyes until she soon let out a sigh and locked gazes with him at an abrupt loss…In unawareness of what to believe and what to do as she answered, confused…Even scared of what she was tardily starting to understand in her heart despite of her tries to ignore it, in dread of all that this man was now telling her turning out but true, where she simply didn't want to accept it.
"And even if I wanted, how could I part with him? Whatever the reason he's stayed with me, how could I even make it so that he would wish to leave me?" she asked. All of her outrage now gone as she held Galahad's gaze, once more demanding an answer from him, as herself she was in no possession of one. Her current conversation with this knight to have finally left her trapped…with seemingly no way out that wouldn't leave her in some form of pain. Galahad however not needing to respond now in turn as the mere look he then gave her said everything, Artemisia blinking in dismay until leveled but a horrified look at him. Shaking her head briskly.
"No. I won't."
"It is the truth. Why wouldn't you tell him? Especially when it torments you so and concerns him as well", Galahad said. More heatedly than he had intended, but in compassion nonetheless as tried to take Artemisia's hand once more, but she instantly removed herself from within his reach.
"You know why! It…it would be unforgivable. The end of everything", she answered, perplexed as gawked at the knight in bewilderment. Not believing he was actually suggesting her to inform her lover of the child's real father.
"Why? If he cares for you and that child, how could it be the end of everything?...Unless I'm right about him. And you said yourself to be unsure of him."
Artemisia was at first left in a loss of words as Galahad's remark stirred in her already indecisive mind, until she once more lost her temper. However this time more due to the fact that Galahad's claim had caused her to admit him to have been now completely right, which still conjured up mere demur as she refused to acknowledge that. Her now taking off and leaving the knight on his own by the fire, the ruckus they had been making now waking the attention of many people within earshot, including Galahad's fellow knights whose eyes were instantly riveted back to the pregnant girl who was striding across the clearing rather swiftly taken her enormous size, until Galahad easily caught up with her. His try to grasp to her arm to bring her around earning him a slap once Artemisia did turn to face him, however after responding to his previous comment through a physical manifestation of her anger her breaking down. Heaving out a few upset breaths as she returned the unfazed knight's gaze who said nothing, simply looked back at the girl in clear wait that then proved too much for her to take. Artemisia's hand dropping along with her shoulders as she shook her head, pulling herself together the best she was able, although was still close losing her composure once she gazed into Galahad's understanding eyes.
"You don't understand! How could I stand in front of him and tell him something so horrible? How could I ever tell him the truth and think it to lessen my pain when it would only make it worse?" Artemisia told him, that very sentence then bringing her on the verge of crying again, and she did manage to bring down the knight's resumed severity a tad. Him eyeing at the distressed girl in pity, once again coming to reconsider whether it had been best for him to meddle…But it was too late now.
"Artemisia", he called, trying to place his hands onto her arms but she moved away from him.
"No! I will never do as you ask of me. For if he would know…If he would ever find out about the child…that I lied to him…I would die of shame. And I would rather do that than let him know that the child isn't his!"
"What did you say?"