[A/N: in December '22, i lost this little thing called "paroxetine." Otherwise known as a heavy dose of one of two antidepressants (this one doubling as an anti-anxiety) that i HAD been on for 8 full years. And after a few months of cold-turkey withdrawal, on account of me not knowing that my doctor didn't put the script through OR the pharmacy losing it OR my insurance eating the whole thing, i bid you "here now." Aside from stomach issues and returned deprexiety, i now cry at like every minor sad scene in movies, no matter how bad they are. SO. I thought i'd write about how stupid that is. (And just venting again: it stinks in here.)
Uh, i guess this is a directionless blurb or background or vent or whatever. I don't watch movies, but i've been working on my computer a lot recently and play em in the bg.
TW/CW: ZaDf, anger/impatience, crying, being emotional, minor to intense reactions to things, being annoyed with said reactions, lack of understanding, emotionally supportive things, anxiety, hc'd triggers]
Gaz was always a gamer. That was who she was, and every other aspect about her came second.
And the very second thing about her was her impatience. At times she would be even shorter than Zim: and he was permanently stuck at four and a half feet tall and did not appreciate it. So when something annoyed her, she wouldn't stand it for more than just a few seconds. And one of the things that annoyed her the most was when her entertainment was interrupted.
The group sometimes watched movies together. The experience of it evolved completely since they first started doing it. Whether the boys fought about what to watch, or whether or not a character or plot was poorly written, or what snacks to have in the living room or sneak into a theater: the time when Dib and Zim were first becoming friends was… unbearable. To say the least.
"I said we were watching this trilogy today!!!" "That movie is two and a half hours long! I don't have that kind of time, i've got experiments i'm working on!!!" "Oh come on, Gaz, you know i hate that actor!" "The way they represent these 'Greys' is pointed, and honestly kind of hurtful." "Zim, why'd you being only your FunDip stuff? You know i prefer crunchy things." "YOU SAID THERE'D BE SODA, YOU PIG-FILTH!"
But Gaz never tolerated any of it. If it went on for one millisecond too long, she'd chew both of them out (sometimes literally) until they were both quiet or they decided to leave her to watch the movie in peace.
It took them a while to stop quarreling like this. Something or other happened along the way that got them to not fight as often or as long; and while Gaz didn't ever want to consider what some of the reasons were, she liked to think that her aggressive discipline was a decent factor. In fact, they would stop a fight if she would just look at them a certain way at one point, so she probably had a really good influence on them.
And while the quiet would be nice when it happened, it really was kind of weird to see them share snacks or sit next to each other. That was the stuff where she didn't want to know the source of the good behavior.
But it wasn't a total mystery: these, ahem, "odd fellows" did spend a relatively significant amount of time together, even when they weren't all hanging out like this. They always had things going on: making gizmos and gadgets, fixing their spaceship, doing "eeeexpeeerimeentssss," or regular old school projects. Needless to say, they spent an awful lot of time together for a pair of friends that hated each other. The tension was palpable, but Gaz would have lived a whole life of tasting pig intestines in order to avoid thinking about "THAT" taste.
Which brought them to the next step in the development of how they acted when the group watched movies: they got freaking sensitive at a point. And it was kind of awkward for her. Gaz never liked when somebody cried in front of her, and neither did the boys. So when it was hard for Zim to hold back tears at some parts of movies, the room felt stiff and the whole thing became uncomfortable. Gaz would shush him, but it seemed that the only thing besides leaving the room that would quell the waterworks was when MiniMoose would sit with him. But at least Mini was always quiet when he watched movies.
Gir was usually pretty good when it came to watching movies. It was essentially all he had done since landing on Earth, so it was basically his natural habitat. There were cases, though, where Gir would get noisy. He didn't cry at just anything, but silly scenes left him laughing for long after the whole mood of the movie had changed. Being unable to follow commands from even Zim, ("even???" He never listened to Zim.) getting him to pipe down could be a challenge, even for Gaz. Oddly enough, something that did quiet him down from being so rowdy was when somebody held him and pet him like a dog. Gaz wasn't going to do that, and Zim didn't want to either, so that little metal burden usually fell on Dib's lap.
He didn't really mind too much. Dib just disliked when Gir would grab a snack out of his hand and shove it into his own mouth, which happened more often than he wanted it to. Dib learned that stuffing Gir's face full of sugar free gum would usually keep his jaw too busy or his mouth too sticky to think about doing that. It also doubled as help to keep him quiet when just snuggling him through a scene wasn't enough, so he did it fairly often for comedies.
As it turned out, Dib would sometimes tear up at scenes as well; even during movies he's seen with dry eyes a dozen times before. He was usually able to keep it quiet, but something changed at some point to where he was sensitive to things he was never sensitive to before. And it was only when Gir would announce it to everyone that any of them would notice. Despite those occasional outbursts, Dib did feel more secure in holding it together when he could squeeze the little robot.
It was annoying, but it was fine when it was done as close to silently as he could get. But for one or two or maybe a lot of reasons actually, the times when Dib would get sensitive to movies and the times that Zim got sensitive to movies started overlapping. A lot. As if they had some common causes for insecurities or daddy issues or general hopelessness in the direction that their lives were heading. If anything reminded them of that, or of something that reminded them of something that reminded them of that, or something that (you get it), then tears would flow. Which again, was fine, IF they could keep quiet.
But really, when could either of them keep quiet about anything???
It didn't take very long for it to come to them flat out bawling at even kids' movies whenever they became comfortable with being so open and vulnerable with each other. Gaz was not part of "each other," and she was never comfortable with it at all.
But she did have a heart. (Somewhere. Or maybe just a piece of one.) So she wouldn't usually outright yell at them for it. The first time it happened she did, but that only made Dib cry more. When they got particularly upset, Gaz would just pause the movie. Sometimes they did only need a minute or two to calm down, which was begrudgingly bearable. But when it took a longer time, Gaz felt like it was better if she left the room. Sometimes that would essentially be the end of them watching movies for the day.
There was only one thing that was a little bit weird when that kind of thing would happen: sometimes Gir and MiniMoose would also leave the room. Gir was never the best at reading when he was needed or what behaviors were the most appropriate, so seeing him come out of the room was maybe even a little bit expected. But MiniMoose was specifically designed to be everything that Zim needed, which until then had included emotional support. So when the tiny thing would float out of the room, Gaz was always surprised.
On one hand, it was concerning. On the other hand, it was anxiety inducing. She didn't want them to be miserable (without her causing it), but she was almost scared to even peek into the room. There were certain things that would bypass her apathy and anger to wind up in the "AVOID" part of her brain: experiencing anything beyond (and many thing within) what counts as "friendship" between her brother and this little alien freak that he had been obsessing over for the past four years was very very high on the list. Truth be told, she was still kind of uncomfortable being in the room when they were nice to each other, so the mere thought of the idea of the suggestion of maybe patting each other on the shoulder to comfort their teary outbursts made her skin crawl. So she would scurry off to her room to play something exceedingly violent to destroy those thoughts.
To reasonable people, the things that they did do to try and calm each other down were to be expected. The absolute most intimate thing they would do is hold each other in a partial hug for a couple of minutes. But usually it was just a pat on the arm or leaning on a shoulder to make them feel better. They could understand that this wasn't the place to talk about the things that made them upset, so they could shelf the words for later. Or if one couldn't, he would leave the room so that he could take time to decompress without the others having to deal with him.
In any case, Gaz would put those movies in her "watch alone" pile, and hope that the next flick wasn't going to be another addition.
Post A/N: uh, that's all i got. I need to stop putting so much of myself into the fanfics that i write, it's almost embarrassing for me to think about. Not to write though, obvs.