A.N. ¡IMPORTANT!:
I have so many things to say that I feel like this should go before the chapter starts. First off, I would like to apologize. This took me months, and even now I can't say it is quite as I wanted it to be.
I made two promises last time, the first one being that this would be the last chapter of the arc before I moved on to the chuunin exams. Well, I am sorry, but I was wrong. Because of pacing issues, I felt it was too rushed to put it all in one chapter, so I decided to split this one in two. I hope you can forgive me.
The other promise was to post this chapter earlier than normal, and it obviously didn't happen. At this point, I will make no more promises u.u, that way I don't mess up. To be honest, I got stuck with the story, planned and planned again this chapter until I couldn't stand the thought of going through writing it. In short, I just don't do planning. Sure, I have some major plot points decided, but I don't do well with a fixed outline that I have to follow through. In the end, the parts that stayed were those that I hadn't planned at all. That's how I like it at least.
I am happy that this arc is about to end, because I wanted to start with the canon storyline as soon as possible, but at the same time, I felt like I was trying to rush myself in a way. I will just do what I deem necessary from now on.
Lastly, I would like to thank you for all your lovely comments. They were helpful, insightful and respectful most times, even the ones who pointed out my obvious struggles with grammar, which I really appreciate. I will try to be more careful from here onwards, since I still don't have a beta. Please, be patient with me. I learn little by little every day, and since English is not my native language, I sometimes make mistakes. I apologize for that too. I will go back to the previous chapters and proofread them eventually, when I have the time. Regardless, I hope my mistakes are not too bad that they make you stop reading my story! u.u
Anyways, that's that… Also, beware, this chapter is approximately 10k long… So make some tea, or grab some water, sit down, take a rest… And enjoy!!
Chapter 8: The Fool and the Hanged
"Come here, and let's forget the future;
The future that is smeared with blood.
If you see a warm wind curling into a spiral,
That is probably a sign of its wake.
Run away, escape,
Run away, escape,
From this sorrowful fate.
You cannot be a Flower of Hell.
Don't you bloom there,
Don't you blossom there,
In such a place.
Do not let them ensnare you.
The shards of time are flying by now, without a single sound."
Naraku no Hana, by Shimamiya Eiko (translated from Japanese).
"Rindou-sama."
The man sitting on the battered rug stared at the newcomer in disdain. The interruption would cost him another hour of assorting what he needed; he had been conjuring up the formula for a new poison before Makoto barged in uninvited, and now it was fading away fast without him writing it down; a baby born dead. On the ground, over the same rug, a variety of different plants were lying around, safely separated one from the other, as if he had arranged them to be studied and considered on their own. Some of them were flowers, others dry herbs, others were vials of what looked like glittering powder —possibly metals, if Makoto had to guess —. His master preferred to experiment with all things available. The man's dark almond shaped eyes were half-lidded in contempt, lingering on the carpet, trying to remember the combination of herbs and metals again. He was in his forties, but his build and demeanor showcased a strength that couldn't be overshadowed by the wrinkles on his face. Usually, a shinobi of his age would be deemed unable to fulfill their duty. It was a profession in which one retired early. That being said, their circumstances weren't by any means normal, and neither was his master.
The only indication that Makoto had his attention was the slight tilt of his head. The rest of him was engrossed in the flower he was holding. It had lush purple petals, all of them slightly curved inwards. It was a monkshood, one of Rindou's flowers of preference because of its beauty and deadliness. "I have a report."
"Out with it, I don't have all day." He placed the flower carefully on the floor, almost reverently, as if it were a precious relic or something worth enough ryo to last a lifetime. He took his glove off and beckoned him to speak, waiting for a reply. In the meantime, Makoto struggled to find the words. There was hesitation for a second, a silence only broken by the stray chirps of the birds outside and the pacing of their fellow kinship through the walls. The spectacles of powder were fluttering in the air, caught out in the sunlight coming from the windows of the abandoned warehouse.
"Shinji is dead. Gojo-kun too. There is no record of where Kenta might be but we suspect he was captured by the Konoha shinobi that our search party encountered lurking around the hospital." That seemed to grab Rindou's attention, because he snapped suddenly, his wild hazel eyes now focused on Makoto. He contained a shudder. It wasn't easy to face his lord's wrath. Normally, he had no patience for absurdity nor ineptitude, but this time it was different. Because this time it was Rindou's apprentice, Shinji, the one stupid enough to get himself killed.
"Shinji is dead, you say? I find it hard to believe. Didn't I give him my new formula? Say, didn't I tell him to use it?" Makoto nodded in response. "If he had had a good shot, it would have been enough to incapacitate the copycat, wouldn't you say? Guess he wasn't as competent as I thought."
Another moment of hesitation. "Sir, according to the estate of Shinji's body, he was killed by the copycat, but the reports of our scouters say that he wasn't the one poisoned, but one of his subordinates. A genin."
Rindou chucked, "Poor fucker. Rest in peace I guess…", but when the man standing before him visibly gulped, his whole body tense like a rod, he forced himself to straighten his posture. To the naked eye, he became even broader, more domineering than usual. "Unless… The genin survived?"
"Pink hair. A girl. Should not be much older than twelve or thirteen." The laugh that came as a result shook Makoto to the core. He had only heard his master snickering like that when he was about to snap, or if he was picturing something particularly gloomy. Ever since their clan was chased out of Kirigakure there wasn't much joy in anything but the thrill of battle. Makoto understood, of course, the rage, the need to leave a mark somewhere, even to the enemy, because they had lost a place to call their own. If he were younger, had more energy to spare, maybe he would be resentful and bitter too, but he was old and worn out, not even inclined to hatred anymore. Regardless, their clan head still had much poison to spare, much despair to give. Sometimes, he feared there was nothing left of the child he knew and that he was trying to look for himself at the end of each vial.
Rindou paused again, his face frozen in an all-knowing smirk. However, his eyes gave away no mirth. Makoto knew better than staying any longer. "Very interesting, indeed. What do you say? Should I pay a visit to this genin?"
Turns out it wasn't just two days. Training with Kakashi went smoothly to Sakura's both delight and suspicion. Granted, it came with the typical kakashiesque quirks, like having him disappear in the middle of a lesson, leaving her to her own devices, or the ever so infamous 'I-explain-things-only-once' method of his. Not like she needed more than one explanation, since she knew these techniques already, but still. She was sure he was being especially annoying on purpose. He was probably getting back at her for stealing his books. However, in his defense, he was committed enough, so he would often take time to cast genjutsus on her and condoned replicating them on Gai. In turn, when Gai caught a whiff soon enough, he started punishing her by adding more weight to her limbs each new day. He had said it was for her benefit, that it was a means to an end, so that her youthful youthfulness would shine like no other. But, in truth, after a month being under his thumb, she knew Gai well enough to recognize some dark and twisted satisfaction in seeing her work herself to exhaustion underneath the whole cheery demeanor. Who would have thought that Gai of all people could be so vindictive?
And so, Sasuke and she found themselves exchanging teachers constantly for the rest of their stay. Sakura could feel the training taking its toll on her. When it was nighttime, she would drop dead on her futon, barely sparing a second glance to Sasuke, who seemed to be in the same predicament. Sometimes, in the middle of the night, she would expand her chakra, sensing the area —a honed ability she had developed in war— only to realize that her roommate had his chakra levels nearly depleted.
One evening, she had returned before him and was already tucked in bed, like a ball of sore limbs, when the boy nearly stumbled through the door. She gazed at him from her lying position, and what she saw snapped her out of all drowsiness: Sasuke was dragging himself to bed, all sweaty and utterly beat up, which spoke volumes of his tiredness since they always took the time to take a bath before bed. However, that wasn't the only factor that attracted her attention. No. It was the green spandex suit he was wearing, all torn and tattered and familiar. She wiped her eyes just in case she wasn't hallucinating or something. No. Still very much green.
Sakura laughed hysterically, so hard that her sore muscles protested at her all at once, but in her humble opinion, it was worth it. Sasuke, seemingly unable to say anything to defend his pride, simply gave his back to her with an annoyed grunt. Although, she could have sworn she had seen some red tint to his ears though the dim light.
And as she gave him her back as well to go back to sleep, she caught herself wishing he would stay that cute for a little longer.
The first time Sakura ever meditated she thought she would never be able to do it. And maybe that had been the issue; that she was overthinking when she wasn't supposed to. Tsunade had commanded her to empty her mind, to focus on breathing, on the fact that her lungs worked and that her sole existence depended on that.
But in Sakura's mind, there were many hands reaching for her.
"Sakuke-kun is gone…"
She'd shake her head whenever a stray thought would interrupt her concentration. Whenever something tried to burst her bubble.
"Naruto is probably somewhere, doing something meaningful, getting stronger while I—"
But there were always more.
"I can't even run for five minutes without— Wait! Breath, Sakura, just breathe."
A thought. A word. A trigger. A feeling.
"I am not cut out for this."
Inhaling. Exhaling.
"How will I help them when I am still this weak? Am I wasting my time here?"
Inhaling. Exhaling.
"What if, while I am stuck here, trying to catch up, Orochimaru possesses Sasuke?! What would I do then?! Wait! I'm not supposed to think now!"
Too much air, lungs overflowing but not processing. Breath catching in her throat but not getting anywhere. The chakra pit at the bottom of her stomach still out of reach and a whirlpool of thoughts needling at the back of skull.
Suddenly, she is only inhaling. She can't get enough of it.
When she wakes up, the first thing she sees is Tsunade's admonishing stare. "You had a panic attack, Sakura."
"Ah…" She can't think of anything else to respond.
Sakura already knew she hated silence. She had always hated it. Sometimes she would remedy it by musing any tune, or with her own incessant rambling. But facing the silence within herself, she found she had no will of her own, no good-natured rambling. Not a single nice word to make the silence better.
She decided then and there that she despised meditation time.
"We have news from our lovely TI department." Kakashi was holding a piece of paper rather seriously, all his aloofness replaced with his all-business face. He observed Sakura from a distance, as she sat down on the ground under one of the many dried trees, the larger strands of her chopped off hair framing her face. She had been in the middle of her meditation when he arrived. Sasuke was beside her now, wearing a black onesie which suspiciously reminded him of Gai's, just shorter on the extremities and a bit loose in the crotch and legs. It was hideous, but more sensible than his comrade's. At least the color wasn't as eye-catching.
While he was busy eying Sasuke with a raised eyebrow, Kakashi saw Sakura attempting to hide her face from view, her shoulders shaking slightly from silent laughter. He cleared his throat for good measure, trying his hardest not to laugh as well. However, Sasuke seemed to pick up on that, because he glared at them both, one after the other, then averted his eyes to the side, ears blazing red but head held high.
"Apparently, we're dealing with an old clan from Kiri. They lost all status when they had to run away, and they've been trying to reclaim their clan privileges to other villages ever since, in hopes to achieve citizenship. However, they have yet to procure a clan member with their known kekkei genkai. It seems not all members are born with it and they have been lacking in numbers lately." Gai continued for him while stretching, having finished his training session with Sasuke just now.
The boy frowned. Kakashi imagined the whole decimated clan business would hit too close to home for Sasuke. Judging by the boy's grave expression, he had been right. "Why did they run away to begin with?"
"After the Third Shinobi World War, Kiri grew suspicious of kekkei genkai users and the population started to persecute them. Some of their most infamous clans left and the ones that remained were slaughtered. These missing nins might be the last survivors of their clan…" Kakashi could tell she had recited those words off the top of her head, as if they had nothing to do with her. With a clinical detachment. Teacher and student shared a look, then she diverted her attention to Sasuke who, despite leaning casually on the tree bark and his arms crossed over his chest, had his fists clenched and his expression contorted in pain. Maybe she was using that tone on purpose.
Kakashi nodded. "Ever the resourceful one, nee, Sakura?" When she blushed in response, it warmed his heart, because lately it was getting harder and harder to tease her. He had been worried because not even the Sasuke-related topics made her react anymore. If anything, they made her scoff and brush him off. He had missed that somehow. Their training might have softened her up. "But yes, we're dealing with the last of the Yukimura clan."
"Do we know something about their kekkei genkai?"
"Yes. It's mind related. We don't have many records of it from the Third War's archives, but basically the user can alter your mind for a short period of time and convince you into thinking that whatever the user tells you is true. It doesn't last long but it's enough to gain the advantage or affect your short-term decision making."
"I have never heard of such a thing, sensei." She commented, this time heartedly. Kakashi had to agree with her sentiment. The closest thing he had ever heard of mental manipulation was Uchiha Shisui's kotoamatsukami. But then again, he wasn't supposed to know about that either. He had only found out from his connections to ANBU and ROOT while he infiltrated in Danzou's secret forces. Itachi's cousin was among the ANBU files, his abilities practically unknown to any bystander. Yes, he had the mangekyo, but there weren't any records on his abilities. The only related information he had found about the fallen Uchiha was the fact that he had been the real reason Itachi awakened his own mangekyo and that his body was found eyeless. From then onwards, all his leads pointed to Danzou, but there wasn't any sustancial proof and the trail had run cold. When he got his hands on restricted ROOT files, without permission of any kind, just eager to find something, anything, that could justify Itachi's actions, he only found a strange in-depth analysis of Shisui's mangekyou abilities.
"Its name is Maindoarutā no jutsu." Gai scratched his head rather aggressively, seemingly lost in thought. But Kakashi knew better. He could tell it was simply a nervous gesture he did when he was itching to exercise again, so he took a few steps back for good measure before he entertained any ideas about challenging him again. Sometimes, he suspected his tendency to focus on taijutsu came from some untreated case of hyperactivity more than anything else.
"If they're tracking their last known user so desperately it might be because there's no wielders left. Without proof of clan status there won't be any shinobi village willing to take them in." Kakashi folded the piece of paper and produced a mini fireball to burn it away. "His name was Yukimura Aito. If we track down the man and his past movements in the Ashen Village, we might find his trail before they do and cause more damage."
Sakura took the opportunity to raise her hand. "I might have an idea, sensei."
Kakashi paused for a moment there, a long moment, when he scrutinized her face. The feeling of being left in the dark was still very much present, even if he had learned to trust and like her as a student. After all, she had killed for her comrades, she had protected Sasuke with her life when the need arose. She was still a child, still prone to mistakes, but whatever mistake she was making by omission, a part of him wanted to believe in her good will. Despite his instincts nagging at him, he couldn't bring himself to betray that trust. "Do you, now?"
Sakura nodded. "There are stories going on about an accident that happened during the Third Shinobi War... A nurse went berserk when she was raped by a group of ninjas." He could practically feel Gai flinching at that. "All of them died... If we look for the old records at the hospital, we might know if he was there or if he was one of them. We might want to look into the nurse's name and her assigned patients."
"But how did a civilian nurse defeat a kekkei genkai user on her own? Besides, it feels very unlikely that our target was one of her patients. It would be way too convenient, don't you think?" Kakashi questioned, even though he could see where she was coming from. Up until then, he had only heard ghost stories about a possession and a vindictive nurse that died on the spot after a gruesome fight with four shinobi. But what were the chances of that happening, of their target being one of them? "For all we know, he might have just disappeared in battle."
"Do we have any other leads?" She responded, huffing, conveniently ignoring his doubts. "Besides, maybe the nurse had something under her sleeve..."
"Like a ghost?" Sasuke chided, as if he was mocking her, but there was an undertone to his voice that he recognized as resignation. Did they think he wasn't catching on? At least they were practicing teamwork, he thought to himself.
She glared at the boy and, for whatever reason, Kakashi found this deeply amusing, so he left them off the hook. At least for the time being.
"Yes. Like a ghost." She deadpanned.
Eventually, they decided to check the new clinic's files. If the staff had transitioned from one building to another, there was the slight possibility that the files were saved and stored, but Sakura didn't have much hope. She was sure that, if that were to be the case, the Yukimura would have already searched the place. Maybe they had and they weren't aware just yet. Regardless, it was better to make sure, just in case something was left behind. Kakashi and Gai had stayed at the inn, probably lounging in the onsen. When she glared at her sensei for it, he simply shrugged and splurted some nonsense about this being their first infiltration mission, and that Sasuke and her were in need of teamwork training, as he called it.
"You could consider it a date." He had pointed out to the both of them, with raised eyebrows and a glint of amusement on his visible eye. She had the urge to pound him into the ground with a chakra enhanced fist, but he was way too fast for her anyways. In this lifetime and in the other. Sometimes, she thought of the enemies ahead and wondered just how much she would have to train or improve to even dream of defeating them, even with previous knowledge and experience on her side.
She couldn't even take Gaara on equal grounds at the moment, not in the estate her body was in.
Sakura could tell Kakashi knew her feelings towards Sasuke had changed somehow, and that she was mortified just to think about the way she had been all over him in the past. He just wasn't aware of the full extent of her change, because to him it had taken her a bad experience in the chunin exams to get serious, when in reality it had been years. Maybe he was suspicious about it even, but he surely derived pleasure from constantly reminding her of the fact that she had been head over heels for the boy.
Even now, after so much betrayal, she couldn't deny the fondness for this version of him, the one who still cared, the one who could have been spared of so much tragedy, at least to a certain degree. The cynic in her, however, whispered at the back of her mind:
"This faith in him is what caused us so much pain, though. Your faith is what killed Naruto."
Yes. A part of Sakura loved the idea of this Sasuke and held onto it for dear life. After all, old habits die hard. There was another part of her, however, that wished to murder the boy in his sleep, if only to free him of future disappointment. An act of both mercy and vengeance for what he had endured and for what he had taken from her in the name of his own loss. Sasuke was an accident waiting to happen. She couldn't let go of any of those feelings, and they wedged war inside her everytime she looked at him.
She hated to look at him.
The wind was howling that night, the sand, picked up by the air, filled her lungs and made her cough from time to time because her nose was clogged, and she had to breathe through her mouth. It was a moment of silence, of stillness. Only the gasps of her own breath were convincing enough to tell her she wasn't dead yet. Despite the scenery, the aridness of things, she found some peace in the emptiness. There wasn't a single thing on her mind. Nothing at all. She had been sent to care for Kakashi's squadron. There couldn't have been more than fifty people. They were cleaning a certain section of the battlefield and she had been making sure everyone was alright.
But she had lost someone that day.
It was ridiculous. She should have been used to the loss by then. Medics lost patients all the time. He wasn't her first nor would he be her last. The man had been found under the debris of the shattered ground, barely hanging to life by a thread. His blood was all over the place, so much so that when she kneeled beside him, her knees got crimson wet as she witnessed his intestines spilling out to the side. The man's heart gave out after a while. In a desperate attempt at reanimation, she sent chakra to his heart, but it was futile. She lost him to blood loss.
One would think that she was saddened by the outcome. But that wasn't the case. In truth, Sakura was a selfish person, she never denied that. She was moved by the loss but, at the end of the day, he was a stranger. She blamed herself but, at the same time, it wasn't personal enough to care as much as she should. No, what really burdened her was the knowledge of not being enough, that her training with Tsunade and all her efforts to become strong and walk alongside her team might have been for naught.
Whenever Naruto came across the unfortunate, she always marveled at his ability to care for them, even though they were strangers to him. Or even enemies. He felt deeply for others, fought for them, regardless of whether they were using him or couldn't give anything in return, always a helping hand. She, in contrast, felt bad for people, helped when she could, despaired over their deaths, even cried for them when they hit too close to home… But at her very core, they weren't worth grieving. They weren't Naruto, or Sasuke, or Kakashi, or her family nor her friends.
She guessed that was the main difference between her and Naruto. He was too nice for his own good, and she was too selfish for the people around her. Maybe that is why she took advantage of him by asking to bring Sasuke back, because at the time, when she had squeezed that promise out of him, she didn't care about Naruto the same way she did about Sasuke. Maybe, in her mind, Naruto hadn't been someone to grieve over just yet.
In time, however, as her selfishness came back at her repaid in kindness, she found herself regretting that request. She wished he would blame her for the emotional weight she had placed upon him, but there was never a day he showed signs of resentment. Never an ill-intended glance, never a snarky remark. Nothing.
She wished he had.
In short, Sakura knew she wasn't a good person, but it wasn't until the war broke out when she found out just how much she didn't care about others. Why was she a medic then? She had taken an oath to save people's lives the only way she knew how. But she didn't care enough about them to repent when she failed. The only thing that stayed with her was the sense of failure, the self-doubt, the unmistakable stink of weakness. Was it because she lacked purpose? Was it because she didn't really see her patients as people?
And despite not caring, her breathing picked up pace until her lungs felt like they were being buried in sand.
No matter how hard she tried, even in empathy, she would always find herself lacking.
On their way to the clinic, Sakura and Sasuke took the chance to look around town. Sure, they had passed right through it at night on their way to the abandoned hospital and back, their inn being at the opposite side of the valley, but they had never had the opportunity to really look into it until now. The streets were narrow, at some points even claustrophobic. She could only guess how it would feel at night, with no lights on, with strange rumors circulating about thieves in the vicinity. Thieves that turned out to be shinobi, at that.
The houses were tall and colorful, maybe to make up for the bleakness, the grayness of nature and the permanent stink of charred wood polluting the air. Some of them were baby blue, others bright white, some even yellow or pink —and those made her reach to her own hair and caress it absentmindedly—. In short, it looked as if the town tried to compensate for its nonliving surroundings; a lost alexandrite in the middle of a coal mine.
She knew better than that. Before crossing the marketplace, filled with merchants and the many tourists that were brave enough to approach town despite the rumors, they stopped by a square. Despite the location, almost in the middle of town, there was no one around and it had only a few street lights surrounding it for when there was no sunlight. The patch of land the square was settled over looked as if it had been carved out then filled again. Some stray weeds covered the earth in some places. Other than that, the place looked unkempt. The only noticeable element in the whole picture was a black column in the middle of it all, a monument that reminded her of the memorial stone back in Konoha, the one Kakashi spent all the time groveling over.
Just thinking about the person he would visit it for, the person that he still grieved over… She had to stop herself from entertaining that train of thoughts. There was nothing rational about plotting murder when she was besides Sasuke, who was nothing if not perceptive. It was another can of worms she could not afford to open at the moment. That man's time would come when it had to. She would make sure of it.
"To the fallen." Sasuke read out loud, the comfortable silence they had maintained until then falling apart at the sound of his raspy voice. It was simple, straightforward, but at the same time vague enough so that someone born two hundred years from then would never care enough to know. That's how history dies; at least the kind of history that is not to be spoken about.
"We are standing over a mass grave." She added, conversationally. "During the Third Shinobi War, the vanguard was here for a while, and they needed a place to bury unidentified shinobi from all sides…"
"How do you know so much about this village? You also knew about that legend, the goddess gibberish you mentioned the other day." He turned to her, hands in his pockets.
The lie came to her as easy as breathing. "Research on my part, I guess. I am curious about many things. You can find all of this in the library back at Konoha. There is a nice section on cartography and geography, with lots of background information." She smirked at him, wickedly, teasingly. "If you wanted a tour to the library, all you needed was to ask, Sasuke-kun. Maybe we could even consider it a date so that Kakashi-sensei isn't left disappointed after this one."
"Shut up." He grunted in response, knowing better than to entertain her teasing. With time he had learned that her flirting was a strategic distraction; it had the sole purpose of bullying him into shutting up, either because she wasn't keen on the topic at hand or because she wanted to avoid a straight answer. He wasn't budging this time, though. "So, a mass grave?"
Her fake smile dropped off her face in an instant. Technically, what she had said wasn't a lie: there was a section back at the Konoha library specialized in the issue. The truth, however, was that the mass grave they were standing over was opened a second time, in another war ——the one which is not supposed to happen a second time— and for the same purpose. A dump to throw nameless bodies at, when there was nothing else to do with them. "Yes. They were thrown in here, and now all that's left is to forget."
His eyes turned misty, clogged in memories. Sakura guessed, maybe, he wasn't even seeing the stone in front of him, but a compound filled with butchered meat, dried blood and ghosts. "I don't see how they could forget." He finally answered, after a while.
There was a moment of silence between them when a rush of wind came by and caressed her hair, ruffling it in front of her face. Her eyes were fixed on the stone, also unseeing. "I agree."
"There is only so much one can do with a corpse. Roughly, two things at best." She added after a while, putting her wild hair back into place with a huff. "Bury them or experiment on them."
"Experiment on them." He repeated, frowning.
"The thing that left that mark on your shoulder knows all about the subject. An eminence on the field, I heard." She bit out, with no lesser amount of passion. The hate she harbored for Orochimaru knew no bounds; this she didn't have to conceal, because she was sure Sasuke knew.
"You seem to know about a lot of things lately, Sakura." He shot back.
Still, there he had gone. Right to it. She wondered if this time would be different, but didn't dare hope. On days like these, when she remembered most fervently, she doubted her ability to believe in Sasuke anymore.
"Well, if I were to quote Kakashi-sensei myself, I guess I am resourceful."
In the end, they agreed on Sasuke distracting the nurses and staff. He wasn't happy about it, but Sakura had made a point of stressing the doey eyes he was getting from everyone. The Sasuke effect was still very much present, in one lifetime and in the other, maybe even in any. The fact that he was a cute boy about to develop into a man wasn't lost on anyone in there. Aunties, mothers, nurses, doctors, all of them would stare at him even if he didn't put on a show like he was about to. Begrudgingly, Sakura recognized herself in them. She had looked at him the same way back then when she was the age she appeared to be now. That had been a mistake on her part because, infatuated or not, she had the feeling it was the idea of Sasuke she had liked the most, and thus the object of her love was nothing but an object in the cruelest of aspects.
While she left him to pretend he had a seizure of sorts, she went about pretending she was a nurse. Robbing some basic uniform from the storage room and signing a henge to change bodies and fit the white baggy fabric, she stared at the mirror and marveled at her own creation. This was what she would normally transition to when she had to henge in her former life: a beautiful woman with a small forehead and lovely purpleish hair that reached down her mid-back. Sakura hadn't been above projecting what she most wanted for herself. The image of what she had always wished she was when she was younger came to her so effortlessly it was quite easy to transition to that body. On her way to the archives, pointed out by a nice older nurse that asked if she was new but that didn't engage much in conversation because she was in a hurry —something about a young handsome boy having a seizure in the middle of the reception room—, she contemplated summoning Suigintou.
It was very easy to sneak inside the archive room. Security wasn't much in the clinic. Sakura figured it had to do with the town being a small one, so there was usually no need to be suspicious over files of people that were usual patients for the most part. She bit her thumb and quickly summoned Suigintou, her mind made up.
"You look dazzling", she said once she puffed into existence. When that happened though, Sakura felt a strong tug in her gut that had her doubling over for a second.
"What—"
"Yes, I figured that could happen…" Suigintou had a hand placed under her chin, as if contemplating. "I thought about it when we signed our agreement."
"What the hell was that?" She hissed, medical chakra already soothing the area.
"We need time for me to explain, but as I understand it, we have little of that."
Sakura glared at her. "Help me find Yuuka's file. And explain meanwhile. I'll keep an eye on any chakra signatures approaching."
As they went about the grievous task of checking each file of each drawer, Suigintou's chilled voice filled the silence. "When we made the contract and our chakra mingled I noticed I could manifest myself physically, like we predicted. However, the fact still remains that I am not a living being and thus I have no body of my own. You can see me now, or rather, anyone can without pulling you into my own mental space because I am feeding off your yang chakra, which is already lacking."
Nothing in that drawer. "What does that even imply?"
"I am not sure myself, but there is a disbalance in your physical being. Your chakra is mainly yin energy. Almost as if you were a spirit. I doubt that is a good sign for you. You should have that checked out. It might have to do with the fact that you already perished once. Or it could be a counter effect of the jutsu you used to go back in time… Either way I cannot tell." Her tone changed all of a sudden. Her words sounded grave and ominous. "I can materialize into existence and disappear while you have me summoned… but it will take a toll on you. Every time I pull at your yang chakra you will feel it."
Sakura stilled for a moment and pondered all this new information carefully. When she traveled back in time, she hadn't stopped to think about the consequences, too enthralled with the prospect of having a second chance. She hadn't thought, not even once, of the toll it would take on her body. And the truth was —she chucked to herself— all her assets were a hazard to her health, even the byakugou, a blessing from her shishou that would slowly drain her of life if overused. And she was overusing it.
If she were to be practical, what Suigintou was implying is that she could flicker in and out of existence at will as long as she had access to Sakura's chakra.
"It almost sounds like she can use kamui…"
She frowned, remembering twice in the same day that other person that could use kamui. It was risky and painful —the painful tug at her insides, that she still couldn't figure out where it came from even with her medical chakra prodding— but it was an asset. She was willing to risk it.
"It doesn't matter. Use it as much as you want to. It might incapacitate me, but the fact that you can get close to any enemy without them fucking you over is something that I am willing to exploit."
Sakura didn't see it, but Suigintou nodded.
She closed another drawer. Nothing there either. "What more can you do? And does it also require yang chakra?"
"No, I don't think any of my moves require anything physical." The ghost woman tilted her face when Sakura turned to stare. It was a habit at that point. In the eeriness of the movement and the lack of face, there was a cuteness there, Sakura acknowledged, as weird as it came off in her mind. "As for what I can do, I do not know either. I have never considered fighting, but I guess there is room for us to be creative."
"Well, I am told I am nothing if not resourceful. We'll come up with a few ideas." They resumed their searching, now in complete silence.
Apparently, the oldest file dated from ten years ago. So there was nothing for them at the clinic. No leads. Sasuke had looked devastated when she told him, mainly because having all of the clinic hovering over him had aggravated his mood greatly. Sakura had made a show of looking apologetic but he seemed to read right through her this time, so she was given the silent treatment until they made it back to Kakashi.
"I only have one lead. The name of the nurse was Yuuka. Takahashi Yuuka."
Kakashi tilted his head, humming, looking as interested as he could manage. Sakura knew he was assessing her. Still doubting her. "I thought you said there were only files ten years old. How did you find her name? Did you ask around town before looking into the files?" When she nodded, she witnessed his expression changing under the mask, his eyes wrinkling in mirth. He ruffled her hair, a gesture that reminded her too much of her Kakashi, so she swatted his hand away, like his Sakura would do.
"People like to gossip. Give the right input once and they run their mouth soon enough." She was lying again. There was no such conversation where Yuuka's name came about. People tried not to remember her. All she knew, she knew because of Suigintou, but they didn't need to know that.
"But we didn't stop to talk with anyone." Sasuke frowned at her in confusion.
"I have known of her for days now." She shrugged. Not exactly a lie this time.
While she brushed off Sasuke glaring daggers at her back, Kakashi intervened: "We'll check the hospital tonight. I don't think it will be of much help considering they already did before us, but in case there is something there, we should look for it. Be ready at midnight. We might encounter them there if they haven't found whatever they were looking for." The two genin nodded. Then, he let out one of his eye-crinkling smiles. "Good job, you two. I am proud of your teamwork."
Sasuke all but stormed out of the room after a curt nod.
"Well, it's still a work in progress, right?" He eyed Sakura then, who seemed as chilled as a dead dove.
"His issues are a work in progress."
She could have sworn he was shaking, as if trying his damndest not to laugh. "You should be patient with him, Sakura-chan. Sasuke has—"
"I know." They exchanged a fleeting glance. Maybe her remarks came across as condescending or petulant, but she didn't have it in her to care. Kakashi was the least judgemental person she knew, always trying to look underneath the underneath, never assuming, always observing.
Problem was, he was directing his efforts at her, and it wasn't as impressive anymore. With a sigh, she decided to concede. "Is his training going well?"
Kakashi nodded. "He is mastering the chidori. Can only do it once before he runs out of chakra, though. At least for now." Under his assessing eyes she didn't dare react, but if she had been a lesser kunoichi, she would have shrieked and shivered.
A bridge almost in ruins, an electrified hand reaching for her chest.
Sakura closed her eyes and breathed in slowly through her nose. "Sensei, do you think it's wise for him to use that?"
Kakashi considered it —considered her— for a moment. "I think he will need it in time, and I am hoping he uses it wisely."
She understood then. Kakashi was very observant, very analytical, almost to the point of being a maniac. Always looking underneath the underneath.
The problem was that what Kakashi had seen underneath the underneath of Sasuke was a reflection of himself.
Knowing her sensei like she did, it probably terrified him. That was why he was trying hard to avoid Sasuke's decay, before the boy did something he might regret.
"You might deny it now for whatever reason, but I can see you care for him." He pressed, to her annoyance. Because Kakashi never understood when not to press.
"I am a fool." She walked back to the inn, ready to have a godforsaken dinner. However, with only one foot over the steps, she stopped herself. "I care about you too, sensei. Very much so."
Without having to look she could imagine his hurt expression; could see him flinching. Kakashi was like that. Like a stray cat, despite his affinity to dogs, he would run away from too much nearness. He had limits and she was taunting them, she was getting too close. But her last life had been about her giving too much of herself to one person and measuring very carefully what was given to the rest. She wanted to give all of herself this time, to those who deserved it. Whatever was left.
Kakashi was a regret of hers. And Sasuke, if the timeline were to keep its course, was to be Kakashi's.
And, again, it wasn't supposed to affect her that much. She was used to that. Even if the casualties of her career as a medic had been decreasing as time went by, she was no stranger to failure.
But she wasn't even fighting there. Nobody expected her to. Just staying at the back and doing her medic thing. Her only job was to heal. Only healing. It was easy. Maybe it was her fault. Yeah, that ought to be the reason why she felt so sick. She hadn't been sleeping, she was tired, Naruto was nowhere to be found, Sasuke was part of Akatsuki last time she checked, Kakashi looked worried over something he wouldn't tell her about—
"Ah. Here you are." His voice ringed in her ears in between all the stillness, but she couldn't point out from where until she felt him at her side.
Sakura turned to him as he sat down at her level. She noticed his dark shinobi standard pants were all dusty, and she itched with the need to shake them a little, if only to find a distraction. It was hard to come across clean clothes when in camp, but still, she would have killed for a distraction at that moment, though she was pretty sure the question "can I wash your pants?" would probably be off-putting to Kakashi, the most elusive person she had had the pleasure of knowing. The dry earth cracked slightly under his weight, the battlefield in front of them turned to pieces as some of the soldiers stored the lingering dead bodies on scrolls. In the middle of the battle, she had wished those cracks had been made by her fists while the anxiety of not being able to help ate at her. She wished right then more than anything that she had had her shishou's seal. She could tell it was about to burst out any moment but couldn't quite point out when exactly.
"Yeah... I just needed a bit of quiet, taichou." She fidgeted with her forehead protector, hoping he would catch the drift and leave her alone for a moment, if only to breathe.
Kakashi didn't. Or pretended he didn't. Either one was a possibility with him. He never knew when not to press.
"You seem troubled." There. Straight to the point. He had been like that ever since her last encounter with Sasuke, when he had seen her at her worst after waking up from the sharingan-induced genjutsu.
"It's nothing. It'll pass."
"If this is about Hiroshi..." He started. Sakura stopped him there.
"It isn't about that man, okay?! He is just one casualty. It's everything else! Everything is messed up! You're hiding things from me, Naruto is not here, Uchiha Madara is closing in on us and the only thing we can do is wallow around trying to score meaningless victories that contribute to nothing!" Sakura exploded. It might have been the lack of sleep. She was feeling cranky and vindictive, even though she knew she was whining. "And who is that man anyways?! The other Uchiha! You paled when you saw his face! What are you hiding from me, sensei?!"
Kakashi stared blankly at her for a moment, as if gathering what to say. Ultimately, he chose the truth: "Obito was my teammate. He was supposed to be dead. I didn't know he had survived... If I had..." He scratched his head with a little too much force. Sakura recognized the signs of stress when she saw them. Sleep deprivation was very much evident under his eyes. The dark circles edged so deep they looked like indentations on his face.
There was a pause there, and Sakura, being the forever silence-filler of team seven —since she always got antsy whenever the silence lasted for too long—, found herself at a loss of words. She feared whatever she'd dare to say or do would sit wrong with him, that he would leave her alone after opening himself up to her like that. She had never, not once, seen Kakashi that vulnerable before. So, instead of words, she let the silence linger for once, so solemn and calm that she couldn't even bring herself to feel uncomfortable about it.
"I lost everyone before I was assigned to team seven. Well, everyone except Gai, thankfully..." And he told her everything. He told her about his father. About Obito. About Rin. About Minato. And the only thing she could do was stare at him as if she was seeing Kakashi —the real Kakashi— for the first time. She had suspected that he had some unresolved problem. Maybe even PTSD. But things made more sense now... His lack of emotional involvement with his team despite being their teacher. His constant need to be left alone. His avoidance of any meaningful interaction...
And now he had faced his alleged dead teammate and he had obviously been drowning himself in his work, because of course he would. He was Kakashi. He was always late, lacked decorum, was aloof and rough around the edges. But he was still a shinobi through and through. If they ever got out of there, she would see to it that he got the help he needed.
"I won't let team seven walk down the same path, sensei. We'll go back home together. One way or another." That was the only thing she could think of saying.
Looking back now, maybe that was when her resolve was born. What had led her to where she was now.
"I won't hesitate any longer."
"That reassures me, Sakura-chan, but try not to overwork yourself. This is a team effort after all." He patted her head. The gesture would normally annoy her, she would slap his hand away and he would eye-smile at her annoyance. That time, for whatever reason, she didn't, and for whatever reason his eyes looked softer.
He stood up, giving his back to her.
"Hokage-sama needs you to retreat to the infirmary. They're understaffed."
"But—"
"You're more needed there. That's an order." He said, no room for negotiations.
She bit her lower lip. "Sure, taichou."
"Maa, maa, don't look so sullen. If something happens to me, I'll pay you a visit, okay?"
"Liar! You hate hospitals!" She stood up in a hurry, ready to argue again.
"You call that a hospital? It's a tent at best." He joked.
"Sensei! I won't leave you alone—"
"Ah, so, as I suspected. You requested to be sent here because of me..." He turned to her. A somewhat sad smile at the corner of his eyes.
"I..."
"I'll be fine, Sakura-chan. If I get injured, I promise to go to you, alright? Trust sensei on that." He came to her again, only to ruffle her hair.
She slapped his hand away.
"Fine! Stop it! I believe you!"
The hospital was a mess. Sakura had suggested they looked for the most isolated place inside the building. Judging by her previous experience in the inner workings of Konoha's hospital, the archives should be in any room lacking windows. That way they wouldn't suffer from humidity or any other issue involving weather. When the group found the room, they knew what to expect, since they had inspected the hospital before, only this time they knew what they were looking for. It smelled strongly of closed doors. Papers were everywhere on the ground, some of the archives discarded and displaced. The Yukimura clan had been there long before they did, knowing very well what to look for.
"Takahashi Yuuka." They had been rummaging over the files for an hour, including the ones lying carelessly on the floor. "Either hers or Yukimura Aito's name will do. Though I suspect that we won't find them even if we try. They must have already gotten to them days ago." The room was so dark that they had to search for the papers with a flashlight in hand. There was no electricity. That didn't help the research either.
"Here." Sasuke's voice raised over the fluttering of paper. "This is Takahashi's folder… It's empty though." He shook it, as if to demonstrate.
"The Yukimura must have taken them days ago…"
"Hn."
"I think we won't be getting anything out of this." She remarked, Gai's cheerful hopping in the background already getting on her nerves.
"Just in c—" Kakashi shutted up abruptly. They all felt it at once. Even Gai stilled. The hospital was surrounded by a few chakra signatures, and the combination of all of them was overwhelming. It felt as if all of them had flared their chakra at the same time, revealing their presence willingly.
"They're here." Sasuke voiced.
"But what for? They already got what they needed from here!" Sakura dropped the papers she had on her hands, not even bothering with them.
"I don't know, but the fact that they are willing to reveal themselves is a declaration on their part. They know we are here, and they probably came to fight. We killed two of them, so they must be itching to settle the score." Kakashi dusted off his jounin uniform, then turned to Gai. "Let 's go, Gai. You two stay here."
"Oh yes! A good showdown, at last. Say, Kakashi? How about we keep count this time? It's been a while since our last competition!" The green clad beast cracked his knuckles, grinning from hear to hear.
"Are you that eager to lose?"
Sasuke was about to protest, obviously not happy with having to stay behind, but Sakura stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. "We'll stay here." She answered for the both of them, squeezing slightly so that he would keep quiet. Kakashi seemed to read right through her, but Gai's insistence drove him away after a stare down that could only constitute as a warning.
"Unless provoked, that is." She added in a whisper. At her side, Sasuke nodded, smiling for once.
They were trying to locate Kakashi and Gai again after a long while when the man came through the window. Sakura, who had sensed a chakra signature too near for her liking, grabbed Sasuke by the wrist and shunshined a few meters ahead, away from the falling shards of crystal. The hall was narrow, narrow enough to make the fighting difficult, and Sakura thought to herself, a bit disdainfully, that maybe there wasn't a single window left untouched in the building. By her side, Sasuke had the sharingan activated, eyes fixated on their new enemy.
He recognized his features easily, because the man was reminiscent of a familiar face. He looked like the person who had poisoned Sakura a few days ago. The similarities could only speak of kinship, the same way all Uchihas shared similar traits. He had the same almond shaped eyes and the same brownish dirty hair of the last Yukimura they defeated, the bastard who had dragged him around when he was unconscious. That was something he hadn't had the opportunity to settle, given the man was dead. However, this one would do. The man was much older, more built, wore his hair down save for a ponytail that kept his bangs out of his face.
Though the most disturbing aspect of him was the way he was gazing at his teammate.
"I was hoping to run into you, kunoichi." He spoke, voice raspy and ill-intended. Sakura tried to remember if she had seen him before, but nothing came to mind. It occurred to her that she might be too dependent on her knowledge. The fact that she was facing him was a testament to the timeline beginning to change.
The thought gave her anxiety but, at the same time, there was budding hope underneath it all. Maybe that was the reason she was anxious in the first place. Hoping was too extreme a notion for her.
"I heard you survived my poison." The man in front of her was smiling from ear to ear, a true psycho. She could feel it, the killing intent pouring out.
At her side, Sasuke stilled. But the slight pulse of chakra told her his sharingan was on. He was feeling it just like her, the overwhelming killing intent. For a second, he was in the forest of death all over again, and in front of him was Orochimaru. He was pulled out of his own trance, however, when Sakura fisted her hand around his wrist, reassuring, but also forcefully, almost as if she had read his mind and she knew exactly what he needed.
Like a few nights ago, when she had given him her hands even when he didn't ask for it. But he would never admit to it, not even to himself.
"You sent him? Considering I didn't need a specific antidote, you didn't bother doing a good job, did you?" She teased. The man didn't seem to take it well, though. His brow twitched, as if he had just been insulted. "How about you introduce yourself?"
"Sakura," Sasuke hissed at her side "get back."
"My name is Yukimura Rindou." He made a curtsy, quite dramatically. "I am the current clan head of the Yukimura, and mentor to my deceased student, Shinji. The man your own mentor killed. I am just acting in consequence."
"You are terrorizing the people of this village! Can't you just accept the fact that Aito is gone?! What good will bring you to fight over this? Any village would take you as refugees!"
"Refugees?" Rindou laughed, his dulled hazel eyes zeroing on the pink haired child. There was a glint to them, something dark lurking underneath. "Have you ever been shunned out, brat? Chased out of your place, stripped to nothing and having to go beg to another powerful nation that's fed up with people like you, so that you can stay and be treated like a pariah? Us?! We, who gave our everything in that goddamn war?!"
Her lack of an answer emboldened him, his finger pointing to himself. "We simply want what is rightfully ours. A place to call home, a standing to be had. We have always been a respected clan, we did what we had to, bled for our village, lost out kekkei genkai in the frontlines, and even then, we still got persecuted for it."
The truth was, however, that Sakura didn't care. She couldn't bring herself to. The Yukimura case sounded too similar to the Uchihas, even if Sasuke still didn't know about it, but she was sure it was hitting too close, the wound still deep and bleeding. She turned slightly to her teammate, who seemed like he was having a hard time, either because of the man talking or just the killing intent. With a glare, she added: "Well, I think we are done talking."
She shunshined behind him, kunai in hand.