30th of Hearthfire, 11 days since arrival,
The small earthenware container that contains my frost salts and ice wraith teeth has been rattling for two days. It nearly caused trouble when I was asked what it was. Despite the trouble this can only mean one thing. A storm is brewing. A big one too by the rattling. Just thinking about it made me shiver in my fur. After living in Winterhold one gets accustomed to being cold all the time, but that does not mean I like the cold. I stand it better than some and worse than others. While fur does help one stay warm it does not help that Khajiit were built for the jungles and deserts of Elsweyr.
Ever since I arrived here I have been contemplating the resemblance between this land and Tamriel. Nirn was ancient in some ways, but it seemed that there were always ripples because of the dragon breaks. But the magic of this world is ingrained in everything, it seems to be more structured, and it has a different feeling than Tamriel. I can't quite put my finger on it. Although all the magic I can sense is very, very, low ebs. Except that stone, that the boy, Eragon, brought back from, what the locals call, the spine. The magical signature on that particular item was significant and very similar to something I had come across in my early years. Someplace I had forgotten, yet it nagged at my mind now like a forgotten dream.
I shall have to investigate that stone when I have the chance.
In my look back at the similarities of the two lands, I have revisited my own memories. The dreams, the aspirations, moments of solace and loss, the hate, the sands of Elsweyr, my wanderings in my younger years, my time as a mercenary, my journey North, being taken into the college, the reconciliation, my hopes, the love, my realizations, the realities I learned.
I have seen and done many things in my life that no one should. Too many things seen and done for one of twenty years. Most are things I am not proud of. Many things I regret. The debts left unpaid. But what I remember most of all . . . . . are the nightmares. The echo of all the atrocities I have seen and committed torment my mind night or day. I had thought them safely buried under years of trying to make myself a better man. But one can never outrun their past. Least of all me.
So the sins of the past have returned to bite me in the tail. To Oblivion with Varmiina and her evil creations that haunt the mind. They weigh heavily on my conscience.
That is the way of it I suppose. The past haunts the present and only the future will tell to what end.
This land seems to beckon and offer the same chance as Winterhold. Winterhold was just a place to hide. That had not lasted as long as I hoped. Trouble always seems to follow. After a few years in Winterhold I was ready to defend my new life from old problems. Then the fiasco with the eye happened and I had no time to consider it.
Now I am in a new land. Perhaps I can find a way back. If I could go back to the place where the portal was opened then I might be able to open it again.
After I have paid my debts here. Then I will go back and reconcile with my ghosts. Then I will relieve myself of the burden on my conscience. Maybe there will even be an answer to my wishes.
A time and place to live free.
The teeth have begun to shake the jar more violently. I must inform Horst.
A storm is coming.
A very short chapter on Ka'zhid's inner struggle. I'll expand on his history in later chapters. Just wanted to experiment a little. I hope you enjoyed and good day to you.