When I open my eyes, my head hurts and I feel dizzy. The lights are brighter than I remember and I have to squint to see anything. I turn my head to see Maria staring at the computer with a slight frown. She removes the electrodes from my head and hers. I wait for her to say something, to tell me what faction I would be in, to tell me who I will become.

But she doesn't. She just sits there, staring at the screen.

"Is everything alright?" I ask.

She twists her lips for a moment, considers her words before she says, "Yes. Yes, everything is fine it's just…That was odd. Your test may have…malfunctioned."

"Malfunctioned?" I repeat.

"Stay here." She stands and leaves the room in a hurry. I stare at the place that she left, the dark screen of the computer. Now that I am back in the real world, my thoughts are clear. Except that I now have even less of an idea of what that test was meant to be about.

I don't fail tests, and this test should be impossible to fail. There is a place for everyone in this world, obviously. When I was younger, I used to ask Jeanine to tell me about the test. She was on the team that designed the current system. My mother says that when she took the test it was a written exam. But in response to my questions, Jeanine told me that I would find out what the test was when I took it. No one is allowed to talk about their experiences. I guess that's so that the results aren't tainted, but now I am just left with more questions.

When Maria comes back, she leans against the shut door and stares at me.

"So what was that?" I ask.

She presses her lips together. "Mimette–"

"Is it always that weird?"

"Weird," she repeats slowly. "Well…not usually, no."

I had so convinced myself that she was going to say yes that I am unprepared for the ice in my veins.

Her brow is still furrowed. She says, "Mimette, how did you make that door?"

"Well…uh…you know lucid dreaming? I mean, the whole thing kind of feels like a dream, right? So I just kinda…" I make a vague hand gesture because I don't know what else to say.

"And the dog?"

"I wasn't going to stab a dog." I didn't really want to stab anything. I probably should have picked up the meat, but it's a bit late for that now.

"And what about on the bus? You – you just changed your answer; why?"

"I didn't want to hurt anyone else. And – and I knew that I would if I didn't come clean. Wait, that doesn't make any sense. Why were you speaking in my head? Why couldn't I tell that nothing was real? Why couldn't I read? Why–"

"Stop." Maria holds up her hand, her face now tight with tension. "Mimette, I don't know how to tell you this, but no one is supposed to react like that."

I am, for once, speechless.

"Your answers didn't make sense," she continues, "not to the program and definitely not to me. If you had picked up the knife without hesitation, it would have been points in Dauntless' favor, but you didn't. And then you just…threw it away. Your reactions to the murder were all over the place. I don't even know how you managed to create a door out of nothing. Your results don't make sense, Mimette. It all bleeds together, one faction into another. There's only supposed to be so many answers to the situations posed to you, but you seemed to be conjuring ones out of thin air."

Numbly, I say, "I don't understand."

Maria takes a deep breath. "Well, unfortunately, Mimette, no one really does. There have been tests that have had strange outcomes in the past and would require the student to take it again, but the serum solved most of those problems. It works within precise parameters but you…you were all over the place."

"Oh my god," I mutter as I lean back into my chair. "I failed the Aptitude Test." Is this how people become factionless? Can this even happen?

"No." Maria's eyes harden and her hand grabs one of mine. "No, not yet. You're just…different. Quite different."

When I frown at her, she continues, "Think of it like this. You're trying to find your way out of a maze. An Amity would ask for help, an Erudite would make a map, a Candor uses clues to find the exit, an Abnegation wanders until they make it thought without having to bother anyone, and a Dauntless runs headlong and keeps running until eventually they find their way out." She huffs. "That's maybe not a perfect metaphor, but it's close enough. You, Mimette, you just jumped the wall. That's not a conventional solution that's, well, that's what they call a Divergent solution."

"What?" And then I repeat, "What?! Who is 'they'? What does Divergent mean? To take your metaphor, if the maze is so easy that I can climb over then why doesn't everyone else?"

"Because no one thinks to do it. And 'they' are a small group of people academic and...distinctly less academic who believe that the faction system has missed something, that there's someone we didn't account for. Divergent means that you are more than one, or maybe something entirely new. Usually the test can manage to rule out at least a few possibilities but, in your case, it's all over the map. Dauntless, Erudite, Amity, Candor, Abnegation; it's all possible in you in one sense or another. They clash but they also harmonize and it…" she rubs her temples with the thumb and forefinger of her free hand. "It makes no sense."

"But–"

She holds up a finger to my lips to stop me. "Don't ask me what that means again. Questions are only going to get you in more trouble. It would be in your best interest to go home and forget this ever happened. Have dinner with your parents, try to live a normal life. Everything is going to be fine."

"But how do I choose?" I protest. "The test was supposed to tell me what to choose."

"It can't. No one can. You'll just have to choose for yourself." She puts her hands on my shoulders. "You've got to listen to me. Forget this day, forget your results. Go out there and do what you set out to do when you left your house this morning. Choose the thing you've always wanted, choose beyond your wildest imagination. But choose carefully, you only get to do it once."

I have a thousand more questions queued up in my head about who she is, and why she – an Abnegation woman – knows this, and who else knows, and how do more people not know, and why is this so dangerous. But then she is ushering me out the door, and then she is closing the door, and then she is gone.

Back in the cafeteria, I sit next to Eliza. She smiles at me and I smile back because that's what I have to do. Casey joins us only moments later with a smile of her own. I don't have to ask to know that she got what she always wanted. I somehow managed to get the opposite.

All I wanted was to know where I belonged, all I wanted as to know what I was supposed to choose. Now I'm even more confused than I was before. I open my notebook and stare at the blank pages, tapping my pen against the paper. I don't dare write any of what just happened down, not with so many people around and not when it could be read. This is something that I must keep to myself forever. I glance down at my phone and check the time. It hasn't even been half an hour since I last checked it, though the test seemed to take a thousand years.

Maria's command to forget echoes in my head, but that's never been an option. I stare at my phone for a long time, considering looking up what 'divergent thinking' actually is, but Maria's warning of danger keeps me from hitting the search key.

I kind of wish that she had lied and told me that I'm Erudite. I may have never truly believed her, but it would have made my life easier.

There is nothing left for us to do when the final bell rings, though the sound barely registers over the roar of my thoughts. I find myself shaking again as I walk the halls toward the exit. The weather is cold but the sky is blue today, it is bright. There is an air of finality about walking through the doors, knowing that after tomorrow I will never be a child again.

"So," says Eliza, "that's it."

"That's it," I repeat hollowly.

"Hey." Casey meets my eyes. "It's okay. The hard part is over."

I so badly want to scream, or maybe just tell her that she's wrong. It's easy for Casey and Eliza to feel ready, and even easier for me to envy them for it

In my peripheral vision I see Kira weaving through the crowd to fall in with us. The wind blows her cloud of brown and gold hair back and I see her gentle smile. She knows her place in the world too.

"Do you think we should pick up coffee?" asks Eliza. "I could honestly go for some."

"You can always go for coffee," says Casey.

Eliza raises her eyebrows. "And?"

"I'd love to, guys," I interject. "But I'm supposed to meet Natasha. I'll catch up with you after, okay?"

"Say hi for us," calls Casey as I leave them.

I didn't ask Natasha to pick me up, preferring to walk to the café not far from her office that I know she likes. Walking alone brings some measure of peace to me and by the time I catch sight of her through the window, my smile is feeling a little less forced.

It's been weeks since I've seen her. Living in the same faction doesn't change the fact that she and Nikolai are working constantly. They haven't been department heads for very long and I know that they're worn out even if they love it all. She still looks the same though; straightened black hair, elegant makeup, and an impeccable sense of style.

Natasha grins when she sees me and insists on paying for my coffee.

"So how have you been?" There's a glimmer in her eyes. "It was a big day for you."

The anxiety runs me over like a train, but I try to drown it in a sip of coffee that burns my mouth. "I'm fine."

"Are you now?"

"Yes."

"And the test?"

"I'm not supposed to talk about it." I can pretend like my frown is from her disregard of the rules instead of what is trying to crawl up out of my throat.

She flaps her hand dismissively. "Oh please. The psychology department analyzes all of the test data. If I wanted, I could comb through everyone's results individually."

"What do you do with the data?" I ask rather than questioning the legality of her looking into my test.

She rolls her eyes. "Nice subject change." But, to my relief, she shrugs and takes a drink. "Everyone's always curious what sort of percentage of the population is receiving what results; it's not the same every year, you know. It's also how they make preparations for how to deal with next year's initiates."

"Not this year's?"

"All of those preparations have already been made and set in stone, or at least they should have been. We're always a year behind, but results don't tend to vary too dramatically. But it's not all work, you know. Well, not all psychology work, I mean. If I have to look at one more floral arrangement, I'm going to be sick."

"That bad, huh?" Natasha's wedding is supposed to be next year, but I know that with her work it's all been a mess.

"Worse than you think. Do be a dear though and get me the number for Damascus' floristry from Mom and Dad."

"Damascus?" I repeat, incredulous. "Are you kidding?"

Damascus Steele was once a friend of our family. I still have faint memories of him and his daughter, Pandora. But when I was five, he abruptly left us. My parents never really explained it and neither did he. Pandora kept coming around though, right up until she surprised everyone by transferring to Dauntless.

"He has a gift," says Natasha with a shrug. "I see no reason not to ask him."

"How about because Mom and Dad hate him?" I supply.

She scoffs. "They do not hate him…probably." She flutters her hand as though waving the subject away. "It'll be fine. Don't worry too much. Victoria says hello, by the way."

Victoria is the younger sister of Natasha's fiancée, who has been living with them ever since her parents died in a fire in Dauntless two years ago. She goes to one of the private, Erudite-only schools because being around too many strangers makes her nervous and she's doing work far beyond what's expected out of her.

"And Gwendolyn?" I ask.

"Ah, busy as ever. It's quite an exciting time in Erudite, you know. There's a lot to look forward to when you're a member. Though it does mean neither her, nor I, nor Nikolai can teach our initiation classes this year."

Each year, most department heads are obligated to teach some sort of class about their field to spread their expertise around. I can't imagine what would be so important that it would keep three department heads from such an important tradition.

"What are you doing?"

She pinches her lips together. "Well…that's a bit hard to talk about it. So much of it is still under wraps. Remind me, Mim, have you decided what you're doing for your capstone project yet?"

Of course she would bring up the capstone project, the independent study that each Erudite initiate takes on and then presents to a panel of judges that decide whether or not they will be admitted into the faction as full members.

"Um…" I rub the back of my neck and try to figure out how to not say that nothing feels good enough, nothing feels right. Over the years, I've tried out a lot of different areas of study trying find the one that speaks to me. But they all do in different ways, I have a thousand different ideas but I can only choose one.

I try to deflect with, "What did you do yours on?"

"How the brains of those who exhibit deviant behavior differ from the brains of those who do not. Actually, I got to look at a bunch of great-aunt Sofie's old notes that DJ still had. It was all so fascinating that I almost studied neuroscience."

"Right. Um…maybe I'll do something with the history department. Or maybe, like, politics? I don't know."

"Mom could find a mentor for you," Natasha says like it's the easiest thing in the world. I guess it should be, but for some reason the idea of bringing up initiation to my mom makes my chest clench in fear.

"Did Mom tell you that Gwen, Victoria, Nikolai, Maureen, and I are going to come have dinner with you guys tonight?" Natasha interrupts my anxious train of thought. "Jeanine too if we can swing it. Dad's going to make your favorite and–" A chime from her phone stops her dead. Her expression curdles when she looks at the screen, then says, "I have to take this." She stands up and walks away from the table, leaving me with my coffee to watch the busy street beyond the glass.

When she comes back, my cup is empty and her expression has soured further.

"Work thing?" I ask.

"Oh, you wouldn't even believe. Apparently, there were some malfunctions with a few students' tests and the results had to be entered manually. No one knows exactly what the issue is, so to cover all bases every department involved with the test is being called in." She glances off to the side and mutters, "Like we don't all have a thousand other things to be working on." She softens when she says, "I'll see you at dinner, okay? I promise."

I tell her that I love her and she leaves. I know full well that I won't be seeing her at dinner. She and Nikolai do this all the time, make plans with me that they can never stick to. It's not their fault, not really; a position like theirs means having the weight of an entire department sitting on their shoulders. I try not to be bitter, not to be lonely. They're successful, they have everything they've ever wanted. But each hasty goodbye stings the same.

I order another coffee before heading to the park near the upper levels campus. It's not hard to find my friends, we've been sitting at the same table for the past two years now. In the fall, the trees are vibrant and while people like Casey despise any chill, I welcome it.

For a moment as I approach the table, I see my friends not as they are but as who they will become. I see Casey in the reds and yellows of Amity that match the trees perfectly; I see Kira in a coat of rich royal blue. Then I blink and things are as they have always been.

For the last time, my brain reminds me, but I do not let myself dwell on that thought.

"How was your sister?" asks Kira when I sit down.

I shrug. "The same. Apparently there was some kind of mess with the testing, so she had to leave early." Only now do I remember what Maria said about my test, about how my answers didn't make sense to the program. I think again of what Natasha said about her being able to comb through everyone's results personally and shudder. But my friends clearly think it's just the cold.

We don't spend any more time talking about the test, or about tomorrow's choice. Instead we talk about a movie that's coming out, Eliza's favorite singer's new album, things that do not carry the weight of the rest of our lives. Somehow this is and is not what I was hoping our last day together would be like. Being theatrical feels cheap, but it also feels like we're wasting time that could be spent holding one another.

When the sun starts to dip and the sky is streaked with orange, the conversation begins to die. We all have homes and families to be getting back to and we know it.

"One more picture," I nearly plead, holding up my phone. Just one more. One more scrap for me to hold on to after everything has changed. They indulge me.

"I'll see you all tomorrow," says Kira with her hands clasping Eliza's.

"I'm excited." Eliza stares back into her eyes.

The two of them hug each other tight, then spend so much time staring at one another that I wish they would get over themselves and kiss already.

Casey wraps her arms around me. "Hey, I'm – I'm really happy that we got to know each other and, uh, and I love you. You've been good to me."

I lean back to look into her eyes. "Casey, I'm still going to know you after tomorrow. Whatever happens, you'll always have me, okay?"

She blinks away the tears that had started to gather in the corners of her eyes. "Okay."

Finally, Kira and Eliza let go of each other so that Casey and I can say our goodbyes.

When Kira wraps me in her arms she whispers, "Good luck."

I'll need it, I think. "You too," is what I say.

"We'll…" she sniffles, "we'll figure it out. Everyone always does."

I force a smile because that's what I'm supposed to do.

Eliza holds my hands in hers as she says, "I'll see you tomorrow."

"I love you," I reply instead of agreeing. There is a knot in my throat that threatens to unravel if I stand in this park any longer.

The train tracks are in the opposite direction of the Erudite neighborhoods. I watch Kira until she is just a faint speck, then around a corner and gone. For some reason, I feel the urge to run and catch her again. It takes Casey gently weaving her fingers through mine to tear my eyes away.

So the three of us walk hand in hand toward the Erudite suburbs. We have all been lucky enough to live in the same places for most of our lives. I know the routes to both of their houses as surely as I know the route to my own.

When we come up on Casey's house, it is all I can do to not sob. We do a three-way hug and I try hard not to start imagining what life will be like with her gone. I love Eliza and Kira, there's no doubt about that. But Casey is my oldest friend, we have known each other for far longer than we haven't. It is impossible for me to think of a life without Casey in it.

Eliza and I watch her disappear insider her house, sharing a mournful glance when the door shuts. It takes a lot of willpower to start walking again.

"I…" Eliza trails off. "Are you ready?"

"Ready as I'll ever be." Which honestly isn't ready at all. "Are you?"

"I've always known, you know?"

"Yeah, I do." I've always envied her for that. She would have made the perfect Malachite daughter. I know she's always liked my parents much better than her own anyways.

"Eliza," I say after a long pause, "we're going to be okay, right? Whatever happens, we'll always have each other."

"Yeah. Yeah, of course. Things will be different but…" She stares at the ground for a minute before looking back at me. "But I'm not going to change on you."

But I might change on her. Maybe I already have. Could she ever forgive me for that?

When we come to her house, like before, I am struck with the urge to chase. I hate Eliza's parents but suffering them might be worth just a few more hours with her.

But I don't do that. I walk home alone.