By the time Sunday comes, getting out of bed is a herculean task in and of itself. Even Edward is grumbling and covered in bruises. Two weeks have passed since I literally fell into Dauntless, but somehow it feels like so much longer.

Yesterday was Jeanine's birthday, and there is a pang of loss in my chest at not getting to spend it with her. My parents always enjoyed coaxing her to take a break, making an elaborate dinner, and when I was a child, I would make her little art pieces. Last year I helped my mother pick out an expensive fountain pen for her, one that she signed my own birthday card with back in April. I don't even have my phone to send her a quick message. But would she even want to hear from me after what I did?

I swallow that thought before it can overwhelm me.

Instead I focus on putting work into my appearance. The field trip is all we will be doing today and that's all the excuse I need to make myself more presentable than I have been for the last week. I miss my old hair products; my thick, dark curls don't quite have the bounce they used to.

"Mimi?" says Tris as I am pinning sections in a style I learned from Natasha before she started straightening her hair.

"Hm?"

She holds the brush out to me. "You're just, uh, really good with hair and – and I was wondering if you would, uh–"

I pluck the brush from her hand and move behind her. When her rich brown curls aren't yanked back into ponytails and buns, they tend to fall into her face.

"You could braid some of it back," suggests Christina.

"Good idea." I set about separating and then braiding the sections on the sides. I once tried to grow my hair down to my waist like Tris has now, but honestly hated it. It was heavy and the gentle tickling on my back drove me crazy. But I do miss sitting before my parents' vanity as my mother braided it each morning.

I swallow that thought too.

Tris still watches herself closely in the mirror with an almost guilty look on her face. One hand comes up to touch her healing black eye, the right one with a patch of formerly white skin surrounding it.

Christina lingers near us even when she has finished brushing her teeth, allowing all of the other girls to just flow around her. Her hands are no longer bandaged and the bruises Molly inflicted on her have started to heal, but there's something different in her eyes now. I know that she's been trying to smile and move on; she won't even talk to me about it.

Will and Al are waiting for us in the hallway, as has become our routine.

Will bumps me with his hip when I get near. "Gotta say, the eyeshadow really brings out the purple in your bruises."

I roll my eyes. "And your poorly done concealer almost manages to cover up the mark on your jaw."

"If you think you could do better, be my guest." Will smiles triumphantly when I don't immediately respond, knowing that I probably couldn't do better.

I catch Christina snickering under her breath and Al rolls his eyes with a fond smile. Even Tris is smiling. It took some explaining for her to understand that insults are a love language among Erudite and Candor, but now she gets it even if she doesn't join in.

At our table, Al takes a drink of his coffee (which is mostly milk really) before saying, "So who's ready for our first trip out as Dauntless?"

Christina shrugs. "Don't get me wrong, I'm excited to not be breathing the same stale air and see the sun, but it's not like going to the fence is some big adventure."

"Seconded," adds Will. "But I did read up on the history of the wall once actually."

"Exciting," drawls Christina sarcastically.

Will cuts his eyes at her. "It was actually."

"So what's out there?" asks Tris.

Will hums. "Well, grazing space for the Amity's livestock, the seasonal crop land, then the solar farms for a good couple of miles, then the cosmic observatory, and then…" He makes a 'poof' motion with his fingers. "Nothing. Well, nothing and radiation. I mean, it took five centuries to just get what we have now. Imagine what the rest of the world is like."

"So glad we have our resident textbook." Christina throws an arm around Will. "Because god knows I wasn't paying attention in history."

"…Thanks? I think?"

Tris furrows her brow. "So…we're guarding the city against…?"

"Monsters!" Christina wiggles her fingers at Tris.

Will rolls his eyes. "No. It's so that people don't try to mess with the stuff outside. At least that's what the book said." He shrugs. "But if you ask me, taking us out there seems kind of useless. Most Dauntless patrol the factionless sectors or work security for other factions; practically no one works at the fence."

"Better than training," says Al and the rest of us agree.

After breakfast, Four leads us up to the surface. Apparently Dauntless does have normal exits that don't involve jumping off of or onto buildings. Some other adult Dauntless are also waiting here, probably on their way to work. At seven sharp, the train comes thundering down the tracks.

"Everyone into the back car!" Four calls out. This time he lingers near the door, even helping Myra when she nearly slips.

I make my jump just after Will and it is decidedly easier in combat boots on solid ground. Will grins wide and claps me on the shoulder.

"Ay!" he exclaims. "Look who made it on without twisting her ankle!"

"I'm going to fight you."

"You already did, remember?"

"And I won."

Al leans down to help a wheezing Tris on, basically scooping her from the ground and setting her down again on the train. She gives him a grateful smile and leans back against the wall. Ever since her fight with Peter, she's been a little slow. I find myself struggling to not snap at Four every time he needles her about it.

"Feeling okay there?" Peter says with a lazy grin. "Or are you still a little stiff?" He snickers at his own joke, Molly and Drew joining in.

"Wow," drawls Will. "Amazing, Peter. Truly. We are all in awe of your incredible wit."

"Have you tried standup comedy?" adds Christina just as flatly.

"He could get a few laughs, I'm sure," I chime in. "What with his existence being a complete joke and all. But," I stretch out the word, "generally jokes land better when the person's IQ isn't in the single digits."

"Slapstick might be more his speed," says Will. "One of the circuses must be hiring clowns; he'll fit right in."

Peter's lip curls and he snappishly cuts me off when I open my mouth to reply, "Like I need tips on slapstick from some of the class's weakest fighters." He lets out a barking laugh. "All three of you losing on the first day must have been so embarrassing."

Molly gives a mean grin and gestures lazily to Christina, "And you lost so bad that–"

Al steps toward her, face a dark storm of rage. "Molly. Don't. You. Dare."

Christina has gone wide eyed and ashen, unconsciously taking a step away from Peter and his friends.

"What are you going to do about it, Al?" asks Drew. "Hit her?"

Al balls his hands into fists. Much of the car has gone quiet now. A few faces look vaguely horrified, but no one speaks up. I am reminded suddenly of how quiet we all stayed when Eric made Christina climb over the railing.

"Am I going to have to listen to you all bicker all the way to the fence?!" snaps Four before the situation can get worse.

Still, we stare down Peter and his goons for several long seconds, daring them to try us again.

Eventually though Peter rolls his eyes and mutters, "Whatever." Then turns away.

The rest of the ride to the fence is uneventful. Some groups go back to their chatter, but we're all packed so closely together that it's hard to keep up a conversation with half a dozen others in your ear. I watch through the window as the city melts into the Amity countryside. Amity, as the largest faction, organizes itself in small villages. As we pass by the central-most one – where all of the important buildings are – I see dozens of people going about their business. This is the village where the initiates are housed, and I can't stop myself from wondering where Casey might be today. I'm sure she's okay. She's following her dream and I'm following mine.

I'm following mine.

Somewhat abruptly, the train lurches to a stop. Most of us keep our footing, but Will is not so lucky. Christina tries to catch him, but is too small to be effective. His hands wrap around the back of her neck, managing to regain his footing at the last second and the two are locked in an almost staged dip.

"Careful," she says with a grin, her hands clutching his waist to steady him.

"Oh." Will sighs dramatically and puts the back of one hand on his forehead after regaining his balance somewhat. "I'm swooning. Thank you, fair Lady Christina, for–" She lets go and he shrieks, flailing his arms before Al rights him on his feet.

"Cool it on the theatrics maybe," says Al with a laugh.

"A very astute point, Sir Al."

"Whatever." Al rolls his eyes and moves to jump off the train.

In the distance, the wall looms large. I read somewhere that most of the Dauntless who work at the fence live near it, which makes sense I suppose. The ride out here took almost an hour. We are the only people to get off at this stop and Four counts each of us before the train leaves us behind, picking up speed until the cars are a blur.

"Good morning, everyone!" calls an older woman with half her head shaved who is standing next to Four. "I'm Ezra, captain of the guard in sector Theta, which is where all of you are standing right now. Follow me." She walks away from the station toward a small collection of buildings.

"In addition to patrols," she says, "we've got cameras on each big support and at the gate." She gestures upward in the direction of the massive supports that jut up into the sky and then to a security checkpoint where a Dauntless guard is talking to the driver of an Erudite supply truck. "I'm sure you kids are looking for more thrills than you'll find out here, but it has its benefits. Job's stable, pay's decent."

"If you rank in the bottom ten percent the initiates who get to stay after the final cut," Four interjects, "this is a stable opportunity."

"And for the weird Dauntless among you who do want something quiet at least for now, we offer a mentorship program in stage two," adds Ezra.

She takes us to a bank of elevators that go up to the concrete section. Above us still are several dozen feet of barbed wire that hums.

"Don't get to close," says Ezra. "That wire's electric."

"Why?" asks one initiate.

"To keep anyone from just climbing up and back down again."

Will purses his lips in thought, deeply considering something. "Uh, so – um – what exactly do you guys do anyways? I – I mean, why all of this?" He gestures all around us.

Ezra furrows her brow. "Are you saying we should just let people come and go as they please? That everyone should have basically full access to our farms and power grid? And what's beyond?"

"I – I just mean that…there's nothing out there." He gestures into the distance. "Our city is basically all that's left, so…what are you guys doing here?"

Ezra looks up at Four, whose face could not be telegraphing more exasperation if he tried.

"Kid," says Ezra, "they don't pay us to ask questions. We safeguard the city, make sure that nothing gets out that we don't want to, protect all of the stuff Amity and Erudite manages; that's all."

"Uh–" Will starts, but Four cuts him off.

"Will, that's your cue to shut your mouth." He stresses each of the last three words, face stern.

Will doesn't look satisfied, and I don't blame him.

"If you want to know more so bad, then you're welcome to come spend some time here," says Ezra. "But if no one else has hypothetical Erudite questions, we can move on."

Will's eyes find mine, lips pursed and brow furrowed. I know exactly what he's thinking. Curiosity shouldn't just be an Erudite trait; it's a human trait. We have all that we do because everyone, everywhere, across all of time is curious.

But something in me knows that if I ever actually said that, I'd probably get made fun of.

Ezra's subtle hatred of questions makes an already boring trip so much worse. She walks us around her sector and the small cluster of buildings where weapons and vehicles are stored and the cameras are monitored.

I'm not the only one bored out of my skull either. I notice Edward constantly checking his watch and at one point Christina leans over and whispers, "How long did he say we'll be out here again?"

The answer is almost another hour. Ezra tells us about how to apply for an internship here, what the village that most of the guards live in is like – technically Amity territory but the Dauntless outnumber them two to one.

The most interesting thing that happens is when a truck rolls up to the gate. It displays an Amity license plate and Ezra waves us over to watch the other guards speak with the driver.

"Most days we get about two or three vehicles to check in a shift," says Ezra. "During harvest season though the number goes way up obviously. Sector Iota are the ones that get all of the Erudite headed to the observatory."

"You can work security there too," Four adds. "There's no internship, but they're not all that picky."

Mercifully, after the truck leaves the gate, we're all walked back to the station and Ezra leaves us.

"So only the bottom ten percent go to work out here?" says an initiate with box-dyed pink hair who I think calls herself Santana.

"Basically," Four replies.

Peter pipes up to ask, "What was your rank?"

Four surprises us all by nonchalantly answering, "I was first."

"And you chose to do this?" Peter is incredulous and I can't disagree. "Why wouldn't you get a government job?"

I think I see just the slightest twitch in Four's eye, a momentary tensing of his shoulders. He says, "I didn't want to."

I remember his conversation with Eric on the first night. Max Donnahough wants to give Four some kind of job. What kind of person turns down that kind of opportunity to wrangle teenagers and, in the off season, work in the IT department of a faction that doesn't seem to care about technology even a little bit?

Then again, it's hard to imagine him doing paperwork and exchanging niceties with other politicians. I severely doubt he's ever even breathed in the direction of a suit.

I wait for the train near the edge of the platform, basking in the autumn sun. The trees are nothing short of picturesque and I am so lost in watching them that I almost miss the rumble of the train coming down the tracks.

Because of the way this line runs, our trip back to Dauntless takes us winding through City Center. After so many weeks of people swathed in black, it's almost jarring to see flashes of other colors. I feel lucky that the skyscrapers entirely block the view of Polaris Tower, the jewel of the Erudite sector and hub of all administrative business.

When all of the schools were on break for initiation season, most Erudite workplaces had 'take your child to work day'. It was sort of a big deal, a way of exposing children to the jobs they might have in the future. I started shadowing my parents when I turned ten. Natasha and Nikolai at that point had so many other things going on that they didn't have time to indulge such an activity. Polaris Tower held a tour and activity stations for the children of the employees in the morning and during the afternoon I curled up in either my parents or Jeanine's office – whoever wasn't holding a meeting there. I remember watching the city flow by out of the large windows and the sky that stretched up and away forever. It's hard to say if I was ever actually interested in a normal workday for my parents or if I just liked being where they were.

Now I'll never truly know.

We all count ourselves lucky that we get the rest of the day off and I crash back into bed for an extra hour of relaxation. I'm not usually one for middle of the day naps, but Dauntless has made me do a lot of things I wouldn't in my old version of normal.

In my dreams I am beneath the sky again, surrounded by blue in all of its many forms. The blue is inside of me too, and it is beautiful.

Then it is gone.