The talk!

On Sunday Taylor woke up very early, she had a restless sleep and was incredibly nervous before the meeting. She was already in the park at the bench at 8:30 a.m. She wanted to be the first and arrived therefore a bit earlier than arranged. She tried to get her anxiety under control, but the panic was written all over her face. She would have preferred not to come at all, but she knew Ridge and his stubbornness. She knew he wouldn't give up.

Ridge's heart was pounding as well, even though he had suggested the meeting himself. Now that the time had come, he was tense. He fervently hoped they could resolve their differences and start over, but he also knew how hard it would be after everything that had happened between them in the past. Finding the park Taylor had suggested was no problem. At 9 sharp he reached the bench where Taylor was already waiting for him. A little uncertainly, they greeted each other. She glanced at his forehead, where she could still see a small bump that had turned blue purple by now.

"Does it still hurt?" she asked, pointing to his injury.

"Oh not so bad," Ridge deflected. For a while they just sat there in silence. Neither really knew how to begin. Ridge looked around the small tranquil park.

"Shall we take a walk?" he suggested tentatively.

"Okay!"

"It's nice here, you wouldn't think there would be such beautiful spots in the middle of the city."

"Yes I love it here too, perfect for unwinding especially after a stressful day at work."

"I saw you work in a psychiatric center?"

"Indeed, I've been really lucky with this job. I'm the boss, so I can schedule my own appointments and work hours, and I'm very flexible."

"To be honest, I was a little surprised that you ended up here in San Francisco."

"Why? I've always liked the city, the flair and the climate, and the people are so relaxed."

"That's not what I meant, I thought because it was so close to LA. I wouldn't have been surprised, if you had emigrated to the end of the world."

"To leave the events of that time and all the past behind me, even the end of the universe wouldn't have been far enough away."

Ridge stared at her in horror for a moment, then looked down at the ground in embarrassment.

"I know I hurt you very badly back then with my reaction. I just did what was right for me at that moment."

"It wasn't just you, in the end you were fooled by Thomas and your mother just like the rest of us and there was obviously no reason why you should be away from Brooke any longer. But what I still ask myself sometimes, why did you want to marry me in the first place? It was obviously clear with which woman you really wanted to live with. Did you really think we could have been happy this way?"

"I don't know, I was completely overwhelmed by the situation and absolutely helpless and powerless. I just wanted to do the right thing and yes everyone was talking and pushing me and I mean you guys made it pretty clear what you wanted and I thought that if we got through this crisis together as a family that would be the best for Thomas, Steffy and all of us."

"You thought it would be the best to be married to a woman you don't really love, who is just the mother of your children and that you live with us even though your heart is somewhere else?"

"Do. (Ridge quickly bit his tongue)Taylor, you know full well that you are more to me than just the mother of my children and it's not like that I didn't love you."

"Yeah right, as your best friend, as the one who is always there for you and listens to you but you didn't love me like a husband loves his wife. I was so scared to even accept your proposal. I told you, I was always afraid it would end up the way it ended up and when you said, there was no way that was going to happen, I really thought we could be a family again, that you weren't just doing it because of Thomas but because you really wanted it. You just should have been honest with me." Taylor fought back her tears. She turned away from him and discreetly wiped them away. Ridge stood behind her. He would have loved to give her a hug, but let it go. Taylor continued.

"Yes it's true, I wanted nothing more than to be with you and for us to be a family again and maybe I pushed and pressured you too hard. I wanted it because I really loved you. I know I also made a lot of mistakes at that time..."

"I don't think either of us acted properly, the situation was just too tangled and complicated. I can't say more than that I'm sorry. I am truly sorry. It was never my intention to hurt you or the kids. You have to believe me."

"I know!"

"Can I ask you something?" Taylor nodded dumbly. "Why did you just leave like that, in the middle of the night without a word?"

"I just had to leave. For my sake and for Thomas and Steffy's sake. I just couldn't stay anymore, the whole situation had become so unbearable. That night I felt so miserable, so alone and so deep down as maybe I've never been before. All at once the whole reality hit me. My eyes were suddenly opened, I looked in the mirror and felt nothing but contempt for myself. I was ashamed of the kind of person I had become. I realized I had to change my life." Ridge looked at her in shock.

"What do you mean by contempt?"

"Ridge, you've known me for so long. I've always believed I was a strong confident woman who could stand up for herself, who had her firm principles and morals, who was a good mother. That night I realized, there wasn't much left of that woman. I was a tearful wreck, full of self-pity and hatred, devoid of any self-esteem or self-respect. I mean I clung to you so desperately, although I should have realized long ago that our time together was over. I knew I had to leave to find myself again, to become the woman I once was. So that I can be a good mother again, who is there for her children, supports them, accompanies them on their way through life and not a mother who is protected by her children and where the children feel responsible to use all means and ways so that I am happy in the end. The thought that Thomas kept up this whole lie mainly for my sake, that was such a shock to me. Even against his own understanding and conviction. And I didn't even realize what was really going on with him."

"Nobody realized what was really going on with him, we all believed him. I mean, even Brooke believed it, even though it's not like she could remember it."

"But I'm his mother! I saw how upset he was and how much he was struggling, but instead of standing by him and figuring out what was going on, I was more concerned with my own needs. The thought of failing as a mother like that hurt."

"You're being way too hard on yourself. You did what any mother would have done. You trusted your son. Who could have imagined Mother and Thomas would make up such a story."

"Still. Thomas has been on the verge of revealing so many times, and has backed away each time, so as not to destroy my supposed happiness."

"It wasn't your fault. Thomas and Steffy love you and you've always been a good mother. If anyone is to blame for our children's behavior, it's me. They always felt like they had to fight for my love and attention. I let them down so many times and didn't stand by them. In so many moments I was not there for them. That's why they did everything they could to get their family back." Taylor looked at him in amazement. She never expected to hear such truthful words from his mouth. She realized she was obviously not the only one who had gone through an evolution of consciousness.

"Ridge you had two families and you couldn't always be there for everyone at the same time, but at least you seem to have turned the corner. Thomas and Steffy have told me how much you have been there for them over the last few months and how much they have enjoyed spending so much time with you."

"Yes, I am also very happy that Thomas Steffy and I are now so close again. The day after you left, Steffy was so angry. She threw so many things at me. All her disappointment and anger, it all burst out of her that morning. Thomas was more reserved because he felt so guilty himself but I saw the disappointment and disrespect in his eyes too. It was such a shock for me to see my children like that. Dad finally opened my eyes and made it clear to me that this was my very last chance, that otherwise I would lose the children. It was clear to me that I had to change things, that Thomas and Steffy needed me in this situation. I would never have forgiven myself if I had lost them forever."

"How did they actually react to your plans here in San Francisco?"

"Very compassionate, sure at first they were sad about not having me with them every day anymore, but they understood why I wanted to leave L.A. for a while, just like they understood it with you. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that they knew you would be here in San Francisco and that this might be a chance for us to meet and talk again. I think they both suffered a lot from our lost contact."

"I know they were both pretty torn and caught between us. I am aware that it was on my account. I was quite surprised that they never mentioned to me that you were planning on moving here too, but they both explained to me, they were afraid I was going to pack my bags and leave right away.

"And would you have?"

"No! I've built a good contented life here. I have a great job, a nice apartment, new friends, I certainly would not have given up everything because of you. Besides, I already knew I couldn't avoid you forever and would have to face you at some point."

"I didn't get that impression from our first meeting."

"You just caught me completely off guard Ridge, I was sitting on this patio without any clue and then all of a sudden you show up completely out of nowhere and yes at that moment I was mad at you because I felt totally blindsided again. But that didn't mean I never wanted to see you again."

"Does that mean there's a chance we could possibly meet in the future without me getting a door slammed on my head?" Taylor couldn't help but laugh.

"I think that possibility is definitely there." They walked side by side in silence for a while.

"You know Ridge, I've been thinking a lot about us. I believe our mistake was, we never actually had a real cut. Whip was already right about what he always said about our connection. I know we got divorced and separated, but we lost the distance at some point a divorced couple is supposed to have."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I'm just thinking back over the last few years. We talked about everything, even the most intimate details. We hugged us and kissed all the time, you still called me by my pet name, we sat on the bed together. There were virtually no barriers between us except maybe one, but in a way I think we were closer than many spouses who are actually married to each other."

"That's true, but I just always thought that was the special between us. I actually always liked it that we were there for each other despite our divorce."

"I saw it that way for a long time, too, but now I realize this closeness was also dangerous, at least for me. I never managed to get my feelings for you under control, and when we were so close in times of crisis, like after Phoebe's death or this whole thing with Thomas, all the feelings came right back and were stronger than ever. I think I just needed the distance to let go, to fall out of love with you." Ridge faltered, not knowing why himself, but he had an uneasy feeling at her words. Uncertainly, he asked.

"And did you succeed?"

"I would say yes. Don't get me wrong, Ridge. You are the father of my children and we have a history together that I will never forget and always cherish. You are still an important person in my life, but today I can say I am no longer in love with you." Taylor looked him straight in the eye. Never did she think she would be able to stand in front of him and say those words. She felt a relief in doing so. She was free. Free from all the unfulfilled wishes and hopes. Free from all the disappointments and pain. Ridge, on the other hand, didn't know what to think. To him, it felt like he had lost something that had been a part of his life for a very long time.

Taylor glanced at her watch and startled.

"Oh, God, it's already so late. I didn't realize how fast the time had gone."

"So what? What's the big deal?"

"I told you, I have another important appointment this afternoon. I'm sorry, but I have to leave right away. I'm really sorry. I don't want to cut this short"

"Hey wait! I'm here with the car, I can drive you."

"Really? That would be incredibly nice of you!" They hurried to the exit. While Ridge got the car out of the parking area, Taylor punched the address into the GPS. A few minutes later, they were at their destination.

"This is an orphanage?!" Do you work here in a professional way?".

"No..not exactly..listen I don't have time for long explanations."

"Hey I'd like to continue our conversation. How long are you busy here?"

"Until about seven."

"How about I pick you up and we go to dinner together?"

"I don't know..." Taylor hesitated. She wasn't sure that was such a good idea.

"Well come on and say yes. I think you're in a hurry."

"Alright fine, see you later" Taylor jumped out of the car and was gone a moment later inside the house.