Harry Potter and TGTL: Fourth Year

by KappaIota

Sequel to Harry Potter and the Godfather that Lived. AU Fourth Year with Harry facing the Tri-Wizard Tournament, his first crush, Voldemort's return and an overprotective guardian. As with the original, will include teen discipline themes/adult language

39. Chapter 39

A/N Thank you as always for the feedback and supportive reviews! I will continue to happily write the story for the people who enjoy it as it is. It is a story of two very emotionally damaged and flawed individuals. Please don't always expect them to act rationally!

Time for some fluff that rapidly turns into an entire truckload of angst as Sirius and Harry continue to hash out their earlier troubles and Harry gets into some new ones.

Angst! Sooooooo much angst! I guess I'm just feeling very angsty lately and poor Harry and Sirius are paying the price. Alas, that's what happens when I watch OoTP again.

There's a fairly intense spanking scene in today's chapter (well, two actually) in keeping with the characters of MY work. This is how I write them. It will not change. You are hereby warned.

If you have issues with that kind of thing, please, for the love of God and all that is holy, just go read something else. It gets very tiring sorting through the complaints about it when I won't be changing the themes of my story any time soon. I get it. You don't like it. Fine. It's a big world. No one is keeping you here.

Anonymous guest reviews flaming me for it will be thrown out like the trash that they are and any registered users who give me a hard time because they can't read a warning will be reported for harassment.

It's a shame it has to come to that, but it has. I'm simply tired of it. You've been duly warned. Twice.

Flamers, get out of my sandbox and stop trying to force your non-constructive opinions down other people's throats. It only makes YOU look like an idiot for leaving a bad review or sending a nasty PM after you have read up to chapter 39 of a 300k + word story that includes an occasional spanking when you have issues with it in the first place. If you want to stop following the story, that's fine. Just leave.

As the saying goes,

This isn't an airport. No need to announce your departure.

If you want to continue with the story, but don't want to read the discipline scenes, there's a short blurb on the bottom with a summary of the chapter so you're not confused going forward.

Enjoy!

*************HP******************

"This is really gross."

Sirius smirked as he looked up at the scrunched up face of his son who was using his tongue to poke at the mandrake leaf stuffed between his cheek and his teeth. He'd tried to warn the boy that it wasn't going to be easy. If it was, then everyone would do it.

"You're lucky that you have my own pearls of wisdom advising you," he teased, tousling Harry's hair. "We had to figure it all out on our own, and let me tell you that the first attempts were not pretty."

"Wha' hap'nd?" Ron mumbled wetly around his own leaf.

"Well, for one thing, the rat kept spitting his out during meals in the Great Hall and we'd have to scramble to cover for him so none of the teachers would guess what we were up to."

Sirius walked over to Ron and tugged the boy's chin down so he had a better view and then flicked his wand to fold the leaf into a more secure position in the boy's mouth.

"Better?"

Ron moved his mouth around a bit and then smiled. "Loads. Thanks."

"How many tries did it take before you managed it?"

Always the inquisitor, Hermione was taking a careful set of notes that she promised to share with the boys.

"Well," Sirius moved over to check Neville's leaf placement next, "we made a pact that we'd do it all together. Which was quite necessary because the rat was an absolute menace that couldn't keep his big mouth shut, which should have been our first clue as to what he was really like. Good job, Neville."

Sirius then moved over and repeated the inspection with Hermione, nodding at her perfect placement. He wasn't surprised.

"And there were a few other little hiccups along the way," Sirius continued with a grimace. "Both James and I lost our leaves once or twice as well before we managed to make it the full month. So it took almost the whole of our Fifth year to make the potion."

Harry had been listening quietly, but now he sat with a troubled look on his face. There were less than three months left before the Third Task. It didn't really leave a lot of room for error when they needed a literal act of nature before then as well.

"Do you really think we have time?"

Walking back over to join his son, Sirius put a comforting arm around his shoulders and squeezed, giving the boy his best encouraging smile.

"I think so. You lot have done some pretty amazing things already. I have every confidence that you'll manage this too."

Harry smiled weakly and leaned into the hug a little more. He wasn't entirely convinced, but he'd give it his best shot. With having a long history of bad luck peppered with short bursts of extreme good luck, it really could go either way for him.

Surprisingly, it had been the Grangers who agreed the fastest to allow their daughter to attempt the transformation. Maybe because they didn't quite understand the mechanics of it all and might have underestimated the risks involved, even though Sirius had tried to be as clear as possible.

Arthur and Molly were a tad more hesitant, but eventually Ron had talked them round, and Augusta thought about it for a couple of days before deciding that Neville could use the skill when he took up his father's place with the Auror Department.

So all the kids had the green light to become Animagi, which worked out better since Harry had been terribly adamant about it and now they could use some of their class time to sort the details.

"What about the rest of the potion?" Ron asked, his face grimacing from the sour taste of the leaf. "Where did you get the dew?"

Sirius chuckled as his mind flashed back to that time. They had done it for Remus, but the thrill of engaging in something so potentially dangerous and definitely illegal contributed to their enjoyment being the typical silly teenage boys they were.

"In the Forbidden Forest, of course. We had found a cave when we were exploring once. Always dark, cold and wet, so it was perfect."

Harry scowled, crossing his arms as he swallowed a mouthful of mandrake-flavored saliva.

"Aren't you the one that told me that I'd be in loads of trouble if I went into the forest? How is that fair since you and my Dad used to explore it?"

Grinning, Sirius wrapped the other arm as well around his cranky son and gave him a tight squeeze. Harry's irritation was perfectly reasonable since it only emphasized the level of hypocrisy that Sirius engaged in now that he was the parent and not the child.

"I said we explored the forest," he laughed. "I never said we didn't get in trouble for it. We were caught on more than one occasion and had to do disgusting cleaning detentions with Filch that would make your toes curl. Why do you think we made the map?"

Harry couldn't help the small smile that peeked out as he leaned a bit closer to his father. Somehow that took a little of the sting out of having such tight restrictions all the time. Not that he actually ever wanted to go out into the Forbidden Forest after the last couple of adventures he'd had there. It was more of a rebellious reaction from knowing that he wasn't allowed.

"So, your patronus and your animagus forms are the same," Neville said cautiously, still a bit intimidated by Sirius. "Does that mean that Harry will be a stag?"

"That's an excellent question, Neville."

Letting go of his son, Sirius nodded approvingly at the shy boy who, unused to any sort of praise, blushed a bit and ducked his head.

"The answer," Sirius continued, "is possibly. Both patronus forms and animagus forms are part of an individual, but they don't always originate the same way. Your patronus is a guardian of sorts, so it manifests from a place of happiness and security inside of you. Whereas, an animagus form is more a reflection of who a witch or wizard is on a primitive level. Often the two places merge, and so both forms are the same, but there's no guarantee of that."

"But my patronus is my Dad's animagus form," Harry pointed out. "Does that mean that families share forms?"

A sad look crossed Sirius' face as he rubbed Harry's cheek affectionately with his thumb. He hated the fact that his boy remembered so little of the exceptional man his father had been.

"Yes and no. Of course it happens, but that's just because families tend to share experiences and joys," he explained. "Although, in your case, Harry, I think it's more that your Dad often shifted for you when you were a baby because you were always so excited to see Prongs and play with him. James spent half his time transformed to keep you entertained, and a part of you likely remembers feeling happy and safe because of that."

Harry swallowed hard and felt the first tiny prickle of tears threatening to form. Seeing his son struggling, Sirius forced a large grin on his face.

"Now in my case," he said jovially, "my dear demented mother swore up and down that she saw a grim the day she found out she was pregnant with me, and just the sight of any black dog after that scared her to death. When I transformed into Padfoot for the first time I was so happy and thrilled that James had to physically restrain me from running all the way to London, just so I could terrify her in her own home."

All the children burst into laughter and the slight tension in the room vanished with the idea of Sirius chasing after his terrible mother and scaring her. The clock on the wall chimed noon and Sirius clapped his hands and started to shoo them all from the room.

"And on that note, I think it's time for lunch."

****************HP*****************

Harry was feeling warm and sleepy.

The late afternoon tropical sun was still so bright that even with his eyes shut he could see it glowing through his lids. Typically pale from months of living in the usual cold, English winter, the heat of it on his skin would have certainly left him with an uncomfortable burn if Sirius hadn't made him slather himself with a strong sunblock before allowing him outside the villa.

They'd dragged two of the padded chaise lounges and a small table from the pool area right to the edge of the water on their private beach. Because they were here to catch up on their rest, Sirius had originally wanted Harry to go nap on the charmed hanging pad in the master suite's enclosed garden, but the boy wanted to feel the coolness of the full ocean breeze, so they'd compromised.

There was a five hour time difference between the Maldives and England which was going to be a bit rough on their bodies for such a short stay, but eventually Sirius decided that as long as Harry agreed to lie down for a while after their arrival, he could do it wherever he pleased.

So now the two of them were stretched out comfortably, barely out of reach of the gently lapping waves. The rhythmic sounds of the bright azure water ebbing and flowing on the sand at their feet had soothed them into enough of a relaxed state that they'd both immediately fallen asleep for a full hour with almost no effort.

After the bumpy days of their recent row and their eventual talk Monday night, things had almost more or less gone back to normal in their household/school, but Sirius and Harry had still been tiptoeing around each other just a little.

Because he now understood his son's reasoning, Sirius had taken Harry off restriction immediately and told him to just forget about the damn apology letter. He'd smooth things over with Andromeda himself. Maybe. He hadn't quite decided yet, given his son's strong disdain.

Although he did sternly emphasize to Harry that this was a special case and it didn't mean that the boy was allowed to repeat that kind of behavior towards anyone else in the future.

Harry had blushed and assured his father that he understood.

Their school week was busy enough as always, so it didn't leave father and son a lot of one-on-one time to make up for the days of contention and distance between them. Although it did bring about a change in routine with Harry now choosing to do his homework in the comfy chair in Sirius' office instead of the third floor sitting room with the others.

Even with both of them hard at work, and little conversation passing between them, he'd just wanted to be around his father a bit more.

As for Sirius, he'd sworn off shifting for the future and had already informed Remus that he wouldn't be joining him on the next full moon. He felt an especially pressing need to get back fully in sync with his human side to make sure that nothing like the past week ever happened again.

He, Harry and Remus were also going to have to have a conversation pretty soon about what had been troubling Harry so much, but Sirius had decided that it was going to wait until he'd taken his son away for a little peace and quiet. It wasn't going to be an easy talk for any of them to have, and Sirius was determined that there be a little distance between it and the recent upset.

After giving it some thought, he had decided that a weekend escape to their island villa, just him and Harry, was in order. He gave the kids a theoretical assignment for Astronomy that week so they could skip the late night class, and he and Harry had portkeyed to the villa directly after his son's Saturday morning Healing lesson. That gave them close to two days at their little retreat to hopefully level everything out.

Sirius was already awake and reading a book when he saw the first signs of his son stirring as the sleepy boy squirmed a little and licked his dry lips.

"There he is. How about some of that mango juice you fancy?"

Harry smiled and hummed happily, keeping his eyes shut as he yawned and stretched on his lounge.

"Yes, please."

Sirius couldn't help laughing at the picture his kid made. He was practically cat-like in his movements as he slowly woke up and Sirius, having spent a good deal of time lately pondering on his son's animagus form, had a quick thought about the possibility that Harry might be something feline in nature.

Calling for his person house elf, Sirius asked for a pitcher of cold juice and two glasses that were delivered to them immediately. Feeling extremely thirsty, Harry sat up enough to take the one his father poured for him, downing the whole thing in just a few gulps.

"Mmm. So good. I've missed this."

"We have it at home, you know," Sirius reminded him as he chuckled. "Your doting Papa makes sure of it."

Harry shrugged and held out his glass with a hopeful look, prompting Sirius to smile indulgently at his adorable child and refill it.

"I know, but for some reason, it just tastes better here."

Sirius was pretty sure that it was just the tropical atmosphere that made the juice seem like it tasted better, but anything that made his son happy was okay by him. He sipped from his own glass and closed eyes for a moment, enjoying the refreshing breeze wafting over him.

"It's hot. Can we go swimming?"

Harry had gotten up from his lounge and was dipping his bare toes in the water as he sipped his second glass of juice and looked out across the ocean. Sirius smiled at his son, beyond pleased that the boy looked genuinely content for the first time in weeks as he playfully kicked at the waves. Observing, not for the first time, that despite his short stature Harry had surprisingly big feet as the boy used one to push a large spray of seawater up into the air.

He remembered that even as a baby Harry had been a tad disproportionate. James had already started to annoy Lily by calling their tiny son 'Monkey' because of the agile way little Harry had of using his long toes to climb all over everything once he'd started toddling around.

And now Sirius found himself curious as to whether or not Harry's form would be some sort of primate.

He chuckled softly and shook his head at his silliness.

It was no use wondering. He knew better than that.

None of the Marauders had any clue as to what their forms might be before they transformed for the first time. In retrospect, only the rat seemed apropos, given the ultimate nature of the disloyal wizard. If pressed, Sirius could accept that becoming Padfoot, besides being a cosmic sod off to the shrew that bore him, might have also had roots from his own astrological name, but nothing had prepared the group for their shock when James shifted into a stag.

"Papa?"

Harry's voice broke Sirius out of his reverie and he realized he'd never answered his son's question.

"Swimming?" he asked, surprised by Harry's request as the boy nodded. "Um, I don't think so, kiddo. Not in the ocean anyway, at this time of day. The sun is going to set soon and there are sharks who will come to feed closer to shore."

Harry's face fell a little, but he didn't seem inclined to argue which reminded Sirius that they were not quite okay yet after all the turmoil. Prior to last week, Harry would have definitely whinged and the fact that he didn't made Sirius a bit sad.

"But if you want to cool off," he continued, "we can swim in the pool for half an hour or so until dinner and again afterwards."

The large pool of the villa was well lit and the water was charmed at a comfortable temperature for round-the-clock enjoyment. It was a much safer place for Harry to spend some time splashing about if he wanted to be in the water. Since it was the first time that the boy had expressed any interest in being in water outside of a tub since the Second Task, Sirius wanted him in an as safe and contained area as possible.

The last thing either of them needed was for Harry to have an unexpected encounter with any of the local marine life that would trigger an unpleasant memory of that terrible day.

"Okay."

Harry smiled and shrugged agreeably as he walked back over and dropped down to sit on the edge of Sirius' lounge chair instead of returning to his own. Sirius budged up so that Harry could lean back against his father's bent knees as the boy stretched his own legs out and wiggled his toes in the sand.

This was another new thing since their row.

Harry taking little opportunities throughout the day to initiate physical contact with his father whenever he could. Almost as if he needed to keep reassuring himself that Sirius was actually there.

Not that Sirius minded. He'd hated the distance between them last week too.

"Do you want to eat by the pool or inside where it's cooler?"

"By the pool," Harry said just before draining the last of his juice glass and set it back on the small table. "It's too nice to be inside. I want to enjoy the good weather before we have to go back home to all the rain."

"Good plan," Sirius nodded agreeably and then used his knee to gently nudge the boy from the lounge. "Up you go now."

Harry reluctantly got to his feet and waited as Sirius stood up as well and then wrapped an arm around his son's shoulders. Together they slowly strolled along the sandy path cut into the large clumps of tropical greenery and made their way to the center of their villa complex.

"Sometimes I think I could just stay here forever," Harry admitted quietly, his eyes darting up quickly to see his father's reaction.

Sirius led them to the round table inside the pool area that had a thatched roof that would shield his fair skinned son from the heat of the setting sun's rays. They sat down and he pursed his lips in thought for a few seconds before answering.

"Well, we certainly could," he answered cautiously, really studying the boy's face. "Say the word and it's done. You know that."

Harry sighed deeply as he slumped forward on the table and rested the side of his face on his crossed arms. The idea was attractive, especially with everything that had happened since their first time on the island when the boy couldn't imagine a life away from Hogwarts. Life was quiet and simple here on the island, far from the pressures and stress of Britain.

He closed his eyes and listened to the soothing harmony of waves lapping against the shore. The occasional sounds of sea gulls and other species of the local wildlife calling to each other. The warm, moist heat was a far cry from the damp cold of England and the air was filled with the pleasing scents of exotic blooms and seawater.

It would be so easy to just retreat from the world and hide in this tiny slice of paradise.

Sirius didn't want to interrupt his son's thoughts, so he quietly called for his elf and asked for dinner. Ever since he made the purchase of this little hideaway, there was a part of him that was always waiting in hopeful anticipation of Harry agreeing to just stay here for good, but a larger, more realistic part of him knew that once his son had recovered from his recent upset a little more, he'd want to go back home.

After a moment, Harry lifted his head back up and then stood and tugged his T-shirt off, leaving him in just his swimming trunks.

"Are you coming in with me?"

A quick dip in the water did sound good right about then, so Sirius nodded and unbuttoned his own shirt, laying it neatly off to the side.

"I'll race you, old man!"

Harry smirked mischievously and then took off like a shot, darting along the walkway inserted into the pool itself and up the low bridge that connected the center dining area to another of the villa's bungalows. While Sirius rushed to catch up, Harry childishly stuck his tongue out at his father, laughed and then jumped off the bridge, doing a cannonball into the water below.

"Cheeky bugger," Sirius said fondly as he followed his son and jumped in as well.

For the next thirty minutes father and son frolicked in the vast enclosure. They raced and splashed each other. Taking turns going down the two-story slide to see who could make the biggest wave. They played tag, with Harry showing off his faster reflexes by dodging his father's grasp, and Sirius even let Harry climb onto his shoulders several times to do flips into the water.

For a boy who'd never been allowed to go on any family outings to the local swim center with the Dursleys growing up, he'd learned remarkably fast how to have fun.

The pool water was warm and clean and crystal blue. Not a dark murky green like the Black Lake or gray and freezing like the North Sea. It was a place where both the wizards could enjoy a swim without the painful reminders of the past haunting them.

Sirius was exhausted and Harry was starving by the time a feast of island specialties appeared on their round table. Platters of grilled shrimp and other kinds of local seafood, along with steaming dishes of chicken in coconut yellow curry and fragrant rice. Trays of roasted vegetables and sliced fresh fruits as well as flagons of mango juice, cold bottles of Butterbeer, sparkling water and three kinds of wine.

It was far too much for just the two of them, but Harry's eyes went wide with pleasure and he pounced on the food with the roaring appetite of a growing boy.

Amused, Sirius couldn't remember the last time he'd watched his child willingly tuck into a meal with that kind of enthusiasm. It did his heart good to see, especially after almost a week of Harry's robotic eating, and a pang of guilt hit him again over his culpability in the whole mess.

It would be a long time before he could put it all behind him.

Harry ate until he was practically ready to explode. Everything had just tasted so good, the lovely fresh air stoking his appetite, and he hadn't wanted to stop. But afterwards he was too stuffed and lethargic to go right back into the water, so Sirius set up a wizard's chessboard and they played three full games, of which Harry won two, before being in the mood to swim again.

Now the boy yawned for the umpteenth time as he scraped the bottom of his sundae glass and Sirius decided that it was time for both of them to call it a day.

They'd spent three hours back in the water after digesting their dinner, until they were so water-logged that Sirius was sure they'd never be dry again. He'd hauled his resisting son up out of the pool after watching Harry become more and more tired and wrinkled until Sirius was almost afraid the boy would drown because he could barely keep his eyes open.

Wrapping the protesting teen in a large, brightly colored towel, he bribed his kid with ice cream after firmly stating that they were done swimming until tomorrow.

A short climb up to their private sweets room had them plopping down at one of the cafe tables inside, a dedicated house elf ready to serve them, and Sirius had let his son order an absolutely enormous sundae with several scoops of ice cream, a variety of toppings and even a magical sparkler that set off miniature fireworks until Sirius flicked his wand to extinguish it.

Harry beamed widely when he saw it.

It made him think back to that day at the zoo with Dudley and Piers when his spoiled cousin had loudly whinged when the Knickerbocker Glory he'd ordered didn't have enough ice cream on top to please him. Of course Uncle Vernon had immediately ordered another one to soothe his pampered son, and Harry had been allowed to finish the first as some sort of stingy special treat.

Just another example of a lifetime full of nothing but Dudley's castoffs.

Now Harry had a loving father of his own. One who had gone to the enormous expense of buying a tropical island getaway just for Harry's safety, complete with its own ice cream parlor among other things, and he couldn't believe how much his life had changed from his miserable existence back then.

"Do you think Muggles know what they're missing?"

Harry cast a look around their incredible surroundings before he scooped the last drops of his sundae into his mouth and then let the spoon fall back into the empty dish with a clatter.

"Probably," Sirius said with a smile as he took a spoonful of his own dessert. "What do you think inspires all of those fantasy novels that get written?"

The boy was quiet for a moment, as if he was thinking on whether or not expounding on his statement was a good idea. Finally, he seemed to come to a decision as he bit his lip and began to fiddle with his water glass.

"I remember being locked in my cupboard when I was bad and I would dream of a magical world," he said quietly, not seeing the pained look on his father's face. "Now sometimes I don't know if I was just making it all up in my mind because I was so unhappy, or if I was having memories of when I still lived with my parents."

Sirius had to blink hard to keep the tears that had suddenly formed at bay. He reached across the table and put his hand over Harry's and squeezed.

"I'm so sorry, little one. I could kill them for the way they treated you."

"It's okay," Harry shrugged, avoiding his father's probing gaze. "I hardly think about them anymore. At least I didn't until..."

He stopped, clamping his mouth shut and hoping he hadn't already said too much, but it was too late.

"Until what?" Sirius asked worriedly, reaching out to gently take Harry by the chin so his son would look at him.

"It's nothing. Really."

Sirius wasn't buying it for a second. For one thing, Harry's face had flushed deep red and he was doing that thing with his eyes that he did when he was being intentionally deceptive but didn't want to get scolded for lying.

"Harry..."

The warning tone in his father's voice made it clear that a half answer wouldn't be accepted. It wasn't that Sirius insisted on knowing the details of every little thought Harry had, but when it came to certain things or certain people, like the Dursleys, anything that still upset his son was expected to be shared.

"Look, it's not a big deal." Harry sighed, "It doesn't even matter. Just a stupid dream."

"You had a dream about the Dursleys?" Sirius clarified, thinking there had to be more to it if Harry was this bothered by it. "When?"

"Papa..."

Harry was looking at him pleadingly, clearly unhappy with the idea of talking about it further, but Sirius had a sneaking suspicion he knew exactly when his son had been upset just by the mere specter of those miserable people.

"I thought we agreed on better communication?"

Which was true.

After last week's emotional debacle, the two of them had a conversation about establishing better guidelines on talking to each other. Especially about the things that were upsetting to them.

Harry fidgeted in his chair, mentally kicking himself for the slip of the tongue that was now another source of concern for his father. He'd wanted to just put the whole business behind him, but that wasn't likely to happen now. They'd been having such a nice time since their arrival, and the last thing he wanted to talk about was the dream of being abandoned by everyone he knew.

"I'm waiting, Harry James."

While it was definitely a command, Sirius' voice was soft and caring and Harry knew that his father's worry came from a place of love. Truthfully there was also a small part of him that wanted to hear Sirius' assurance that nothing like what happened in the dream would ever happen in real life.

"That night. I had it that night."

Harry didn't elaborate, and by the look on his father's face, he knew that he didn't need to. For quite some time to come, referring to it as that night was going to be more than sufficient.

"I see."

Sirius swallowed hard as he clasped his hands together on the table. Harry's head was bowed just a bit and he was peering up through his fringe, silently asking his father to let the matter go, but Sirius couldn't do that. It had been a terrible night, for both of them, and he could only imagine how that would have manifested itself in Harry's sleeping subconscious.

"What happened in the dream, little one? Please?"

The look in Sirius' eyes was determined, and knowing that he wasn't getting out of it, Harry took a deep breath and slowly began to recant the events of the troubling nightmare. Leaving none of the details out, no matter how painful, as he figured if he was in for a penny, he was in for a pound.

Meanwhile Sirius had grown more and more pale as the story was related to him, and by the time Harry mentioned his appearance in the dream he was already on the verge of sicking up. Which only became a thousand times worse as he had to hear his son say that he watched Sirius coldly walk away from him, with Andromeda by his side.

Harry had barely finished speaking, his voice beginning to crack, when Sirius held out shaky arms, his fingers beckoning the boy over.

"Come here."

Getting up from his chair, Harry tentatively stepped over to where his father was obviously upset. He leaned over with the intention of giving Sirius a hug, only to be pulled down to sit on his father's knee as Sirius crushed him to his chest.

"I think I'm too big for this, Papa," the boy protested, although he was smiling just a little as he hugged the distraught man and lay his head down on Sirius' shoulder.

"I don't care," Sirius whispered hoarsely, his arms gripping his son almost too tightly to be comfortable. "You're going to sit right where you are and not go anywhere for a few minutes."

It was official.

Harry's father was a big mushy, overprotective, emotional goofball.

That was okay by Harry, who truthfully was feeling a bit raw and insecure at the moment anyway after reliving something so painful. They were in the middle of the Indian Ocean, thousands of miles away from Britain. No one was around to see the famous Harry Potter being cuddled like a little child on his father's knee.

This was also only the second time in his life that he could remember being held on a parent's lap and both times it was with Sirius. The first being last summer when his then godfather had comforted him after a night terror that saw him waking up with his scar burning. So it wasn't as if it had ever been a regular occurrence in his life and Harry decided that he was just going to soak up the affection while he could.

Besides, he was pretty sure that his father needed this just as much, if not more, than he did at the moment.

When Sirius' erratic breathing leveled out some, he eased up on his hold around his child, allowing Harry to sit up, but didn't let him stand just yet. Harry squinted at his father worriedly, since Sirius was still looking a bit sick and he felt a pang of guilt rise up in his chest. He hadn't meant to upset the man so much.

"Why didn't you tell me? I would have wanted to know when it happened."

There was a heavy note of hurt in Sirius' voice as he rubbed Harry's back to keep his still trembling hand busy. The boy shrugged as he bowed his head, but knew that his father was expecting an actual verbal answer. This just wasn't a subject he wanted to talk about any further, but Sirius wasn't going to let something like that go.

"You were angry."

"I'm never too angry for you to come me to when you need to," Sirius protested, shaking his head sadly. "Never. No matter what."

Harry thought about just letting it drop there, but there was a tiny part of him that was still terribly hurt about waking up alone after a nightmare for the first time in a long time. Especially that one. Sirius' absence had only stoked the fires of Harry's insecurities and made the nightmare that much harder to bear.

"But you weren't there."

Confused, Sirius frowned and his brow furrowed deeply. Unconsciously, he wrapped a hand around Harry's wrist and squeezed, like he was afraid the boy would bolt at any second.

"I wasn't where?"

Fidgeting uncomfortably, it took Harry a minute to answer. He desperately wanted to not sound like a little child who needed his father to come and chase the bad dreams away, but unfortunately that's exactly what a part of him still was.

"My room," he said at last, his face blushing furiously as he kept his eyes averted. "Whenever I have a bad dream, you're always there when I wake up. But this time...you weren't. I figured that you would have been there if you weren't so mad at me, so I didn't say anything."

Realizing what had happened, Sirius exhaled sadly as he drew Harry back against his chest, wrapping his arms tightly around his son.

"I'm so sorry, little one," he whispered over the top of Harry's head. "You're right. I should have been there. I'm sorry I wasn't."

This was just another stark reminder that Sirius no longer had the luxury of being able to selfishly indulge his own hurt feelings. As a parent, his first, second, third and last priority always needed to be the health and happiness of his son. Harry might be more mature than his peers in a lot of ways, but he still had years of growing up to do before Sirius could just abandon the boy to his own devices like he had last week.

Harry hadn't realized how draining his upset over the nightmare was until he was forced to talk about it. Now that he felt a little more secure, he was suddenly completely wiped out physically and mentally. He yawned again and buried his face in his father's neck as he started to drift off.

Feeling his son sag in his arms, Sirius smiled a small melancholy smile and gave the boy a squeeze before patting him on the hip.

"I think it's time for bed."

Harry grunted and stubbornly burrowed a little closer, and as cute as the sleepy boy was, Sirius wanted to get his son into a proper bed so Harry could catch up on the rest he badly needed.

"C'mon now," he coaxed, gently pushing back a bit. "You need to shower and brush. You have gobs of chlorine on your skin and pounds of sugar on your teeth. Jean and Hugh will have my head if I bring you back home with a dozen new cavities."

"Wizards don't get cavities," Harry grumpily reminded him as he grudgingly got to his feet, rubbing his eyes under his glasses like a cranky toddler.

Sirius had to bite his lip to keep from laughing at the adorable picture his sleepy teenage vanquisher-of-dark-lords made. Standing up from his chair, he wrapped his arm around the boy's shoulders and began to lead him down towards the master suite.

"I don't know about that," he teased as Harry stumbled along beside him. "That sundae you ate could have served half of Gryffindor house. I think even magic itself might have a hard time overcoming that much sugar."

Harry scowled as he was gently pushed towards his own set of rooms in the master suite, ducking his head disagreeably as Sirius reached out to tousle his already wild hair.

"Bath, brush and bed, young man."

"It's only seven-thirty back home," Harry protested, unwilling to admit he felt dead on his feet. "Technically, I've another two and a half hours before I have to be in bed."

"And yet the last time you yawned, you opened your mouth so wide you could have swallowed an entire dragon whole."

Narrowing his eyes at his smirking father, Harry decided that it wasn't worth an argument so he dragged himself into his bathroom and loudly shut the door behind him.

Sirius' smiling face fell as soon as the door was closed. Finding out that he'd been off running around the woods on the estate, instead of at home where he belonged when his son had been upset and badly needing him, just gutted him completely.

He sat on the edge of his son's bed, wracked with a guilt that threatened to suffocate him as he repeatedly flailed himself mentally for being so selfish over something so ridiculous. No matter how hurt he'd been at the time, he had duties to his child that should never have been cast aside because of his own issues.

Harry came shuffling out of his bathroom twenty minutes later, scrubbed and sleepy in soft cotton pajamas good for the warm tropical nights. He was barely coherent as he fell into his bed, his father gently drawing the light covers up to his shoulders as he drifted off.

Sirius bent to kiss his son's damp head.

Swearing to Harry that he'd never again fail him so badly.

******************HP******************

Sirius heard a joyful yell in the air seconds before Harry swooped into sight.

His heart jumped into his throat against his will and he had to work really hard to calm down again so he wouldn't whip out his wand and summon the boy to him. He had to remind himself that he'd seen his son fly just as high on his broom, usually doing incredibly dangerous Quidditch maneuvers, and then wondered why he was less nervous about that than what he was seeing right now.

There was just something infinitely more terrifying about watching his child cling to the back of the absolutely gigantic Abraxan horse hundreds of feet in the air. A beast that had a mind of its own, unlike Harry's Firebolt and Sirius' motorbike which were solely controlled by the rider, and he mentally kicked himself for giving in to a pair of pleading green eyes and allowing this in the first place.

Perhaps there was something to Remus' comment from a couple of months ago about Sirius' tendency to spoil his son just a bit.

After a leisurely breakfast, Sirius had taken Harry for a walk to the other side of the island, with the intention of borrowing a couple of the enlarged seahorses that had charmed Arthur and Ginny so much on their last visit so he could take his son for a ride. There was a small magical creature preserve on the outskirts of the main resort for the entertainment of the guests, and Sirius thought that spending some time riding the waves on the backs of the friendly seahorses might be a fun way for the two of them to enjoy the deeper waters.

Of course, with his luck, Harry had lost complete interest in the pony-sized fish the minute he saw the corral holding the gargantuan winged horses.

Sirius should have known that anything that got his boy up in the air would automatically win over any activity on the ground.

Harry thought the Abraxans looked magnificent, which wasn't breaking news since he'd said the same to his father after the Beauxbatons carriage arrived at Hogwarts. To Sirius, however, the Abraxans looked decidedly unfriendly and far too unpredictable for his comfort, but Harry had begged and pleaded and ultimately the indulgent father caved, even though he felt a little sick to his stomach about it.

The handlers assured him that the horses were well trained and the saddle and reins were perfectly safe, and as long as Harry held on tightly, there was absolutely no danger. It was hard enough on a normal day to resist his son on the rare occasion he actually asked for something, but with them being on holiday after such a rough time, it was damn near impossible.

So here he was, nervous as a pygmy puff in a box full of blast-ended skrewts, pretending like he could actually concentrate on the book he was reading, while his only child rode circles high in the air around the beach on an enormous winged palomino whose entire diet consisted of nothing but single-malt whiskey.

At the sound of his son's happy cry, Sirius gazed up at the boy fondly. As nerve-wracking as it was to watch Harry gliding along so far up in the sky, he couldn't help but admit that the boy seemed perfectly natural and at ease up there. Harry and the winged horse just seemed melded together as they flew. Their movements in complete symmetry as they rode along the gentle currents.

As soon as he had that thought, a wave of sudden realization washed over him and somehow, don't ask him how, Sirius just knew he was seeing his son with his future animagus form.

Idiot!

Of course Harry would be an animal that could fly.

Should there have ever really been any doubt?

And now that he was really thinking about it, he remembered a story Lily had told him and James once, the first time she had seen an Abraxan at the Carnival of Magical Creatures. Even Muggles had stories about the mythical (to them anyway) winged horse Pegasus. The noble steed that carried lightning bolts for Zeus, the Greek god of the sky and thunder.

It seemed destined, somehow, that this would be the form that his lightning-bolt-scarred, flight-loving son would take.

A pleased smile danced around his lips at the potential. If he was right, Harry would be able to protect himself on land as well as in the air without the need for a broom in a true emergency. He wouldn't have any natural weapons, like teeth or claws, but those things required one to be in close contact with an aggressor.

An underage Harry would be hard to target and chase if he could take flight on his own before he was old enough to apparate out of a dangerous situation.

With that happy thought in mind, he wasn't paying as close attention to what Harry was doing as he really should have been, and he didn't even realize right away that the boy had taken his hands off the reins and was balancing himself on the Abraxan's back with his arms raised at his sides as he whooped with excitement.

Sirius practically froze in terror over his son's careless action, and he didn't even have time to lift his wand to his throat and cast a Sonorus! so he could loudly scold the boy before disaster struck.

One of the things about being on a tropical island was the amount of sea birds constantly flying about. Normally, they didn't bother anyone and Sirius even liked the relaxing sounds of their cries when it was just one or two talking to each other. But as Harry was flying along on the Abraxan, something agitated a flock of white terns in the middle of their afternoon feeding session along the surface of the water and without warning they took flight en masse, suddenly shooting high into the air and spooking the giant winged equine.

Harry's mount reared in mid-flight and Sirius could only watch helplessly as his child tried and failed to grab a hold of something, anything, before he slipped off and started to plummet to the sea.

Wild with panic, Sirius' feet were moving towards the water before he even realized what he was doing. His entire concentration on his falling son. He cursed, knowing in an instant that Harry was moving too fast to be summoned, so he did the only thing he could think of in that split second.

"Arresto Momentum!"

To his immeasurable relief, he hit the target and could see Harry's rapid descent begin to slow, giving him time to cast again as he ran straight into the waves himself.

"Molliare!"

Sirius knew enough about physics to understand that hitting water at high speed could be just as dangerous as hitting solid land, so Harry really needed a cushioning charm if he had any hope of escaping without serious injury.

Thank Merlin, it worked.

As Sirius frantically swam towards the spot where his son was about to land, he watched Harry reach the water's surface and gently bounce off of it once before going under with a soft plop! His heart stopped beating for a split second until he saw a head of wet, black hair pop up and his son looking a bit startled but smiling and none the worse for wear as he bobbed in the waves.

A strangled cry of relief burst out of Sirius' chest as he swam to his son. Harry, having recovered his surprise enough to get his bearings, was chuckling in awe over his lucky escape.

Right until he saw his father frantically making his way towards him.

The boy gulped audibly as he tread water and caught his breath. He looked around and saw that he wasn't particularly far from shore and he had a brief moment of realization that if Sirius hadn't acted as quickly as he did, the water Harry had fallen into might have been far too shallow to prevent him from really getting hurt.

Sirius was going to be furious. That much was obvious. And Harry didn't have a good reason for letting go of the Abraxan's reins like he did in the first place.

He'd just been so caught up in the moment that he wanted to see if he could recapture the sensation of what it was like to fly on his own like he had that time on Buckbeak.

It was the most invigorating thing he'd ever felt.

But by the look on his father' face, Harry's little moment of euphoria was about to get him in a world of trouble. Knowing that he was surely in for it, he reluctantly struck out on his own and began to swim towards Sirius with the certainty of impending doom forefront on his mind.

To Sirius it seemed like hours had passed since he jumped into the water, but really it was just a couple of minutes before he reached his son. Harry was easily swimming on his own, no visible injuries so far that Sirius could discern. Relief washed through him like a badly needed shot of oxygen and as he cupped Harry's face in his hands, the enormous lump in his throat managed to dislodge itself enough for him to speak.

"Are you okay?" he asked, his voice quivering and bordering on the verge of hysterical.

His shaking hands searched the back of Harry's head for injury as his eyes rapidly scanned the parts of his son visible above the water.

"Are you injured at all?"

Sirius' frightened voice brought Harry far closer to tears than his actual fall had. He hadn't been afraid of getting hurt, but he was afraid of being the reason why his father was so desperately upset.

"No, sir," he answered, shaking his head. "I'm okay, Papa. Really. I'm fine. "

"Okay," Sirius said to himself in a tremulous voice, closing his eyes as if in prayer. "Okay. We're okay."

Without speaking, he wrapped an arm around his son and began towing Harry back to shore in a move that was far too reminiscent of the Second Task. Harry swallowed hard, and even though he was perfectly capable of swimming back on his own, he grabbed on to Sirius' arm and let himself be led, kicking his feet behind him.

It didn't take long to reach the shore and Sirius was still holding Harry around the waist as they climbed out of the water. Harry coughed and sputtered a bit, but otherwise he was perfectly fine except for the tightness in his chest that came from frightening his father so badly. Once they were on the beach, Sirius leaned over and heaved a few deep breaths of relief and then pulled his son into an embrace.

"Dear, sweet Merlin," he gasped weakly as he buried his face in Harry's wet hair. "You have no idea how much you scared me."

Harry felt terrible and he let out a little whimper of distress as he hugged Sirius tight, wanting his distraught father to be able to feel him alive and breathing.

"I'm fine. I promise."

Struggling to not cry from the pent up tension, Sirius held his son impossibly close for a moment as his adrenaline started to recede. Harry had come so near to really being injured or killed. Shaking more than a little, he finally forced himself to pull back and give his son a thorough look now that he was safe on dry land.

"What were you thinking?"

Sirius' eyes were wide with disbelief as he held his son at arms length. He couldn't even begin to imagine what had possessed Harry to do something so dangerous in the first place. Especially after the handlers had made it very clear that he was never to let go of the reins.

"I don't know," Harry said miserably, unable to make eye contact with his father. "It just kind of happened."

"What if I hadn't been watching? What if I couldn't cast in time?"

With each question, Sirius' voice got just a bit more desperate. With the immediate danger over, he couldn't get the mental image of his son plummeting into the sea out of his mind.

"I'm sorry, Papa."

Harry looked truly repentant, his voice barely above a whisper, and now that Sirius wasn't frightened out of his mind he was growing more than a little angry with his reckless child. He'd wanted this mini-break to be a relaxing time for them both, but there was no way he was letting Harry get away with this.

"Are you sure you're alright? You didn't injure anything?" he demanded, his eyes pinched in worry. "Nothing hurts?"

Harry shook his head and, not wanting to see his father's pained face, suddenly found his feet very interesting.

"No, sir."

Sirius nodded to himself and made up his mind. Grabbing Harry by the hand, he turned and pulled his son in the direction of the lounge chair he'd just vacated.

"Well," he said ominously, "There's one part of you that is about to."

Catching on very quickly to his father's intentions, Harry let out a decidedly un-manly squeak and he had to jog to keep up with Sirius who was striding at a fast clip up the beach.

It wasn't difficult to figure out what was about to happen, so he didn't resist when Sirius sat down hard on the lounger and unceremoniously tipped Harry over his knee. Teetering off balance, Harry had to quickly throw his hands out in front of him to keep from face-planting in the sand and he shut his eyes tightly as his father wasted no time in doling out the punishment.

The boy couldn't contain the yelp that escaped when the first smack landed across his swimming trunk covered bum, even though Sirius wasn't actually swatting him with much force. Harry hadn't realized until just that moment how much more a spanking could hurt when the thin fabric shielding his vulnerable rear end was wet instead of dry.

Needless to say it was a very unpleasant surprise since Sirius looked pretty cross and was probably not even close to being in a generous enough mood to end it quickly.

"Do you have any idea of how much you scared me to death?"

Harry winced as his father punctuated every word with a smack, but he kept his mouth shut tight since he knew he wasn't actually expected to answer the rhetorical question. He figured he was in enough trouble as it was at the moment and he didn't need his sometimes flippant mouth to dig the hole he was already in any deeper.

"What part of do not let go of the reins did you not understand, young man!"

More smacks accompanied that question, and with the discomfort building in intensity, Harry started to wiggle his bum away from his father's punishing hand as much as he dared. He buried his face in the crook of his elbow and drummed the tips of his damp trainers in the sand to relieve some of the sting until Sirius grabbed him more firmly around the waist and delivered an almighty smack to the back of each thigh.

"Settle. Down."

Harry settled.

Ow

Accepting that he wasn't going anywhere at the moment, the boy stopped fighting and let himself go limp, jamming part of his hand in his mouth to keep from crying out as his father delivered a hefty dozen to his bum's extra-sensitive under curve that were going to make sitting down an unappealing prospect for the immediate future.

One more unavoidable yelp flew out of his mouth anyway as his father finished up in a flurry of swats, and when it was all over Harry lay quietly across Sirius' lap, his breathing ragged but still not really crying. He had a red face that likely matched a red backside and he sniffed back a couple of stray tears, but otherwise he wasn't terribly worse for wear under the circumstances.

Sirius shook out the sting of his spanking hand while he rubbed Harry's heaving back with the other, giving the boy a moment to collect himself. Despite his son's opinion on the matter, Sirius genuinely hated punishing Harry like this, but the simple fact was that it was going to happen every single time the boy put himself in danger, whether either of them liked it or not.

Harry was certainly a bit sore at the moment and probably feeling a little miserable as well, but the important thing was that he was alive and in one piece, and if what Sirius had just done prevented a repeat of son's reckless behavior in the future, then it was worth it.

After sucking in a few more deep breaths himself, Sirius's heart stopped racing quite so madly. He was feeling a tad sick to his stomach from the mad rush of adrenaline that had engulfed him, but knew from experience that it would pass once his body caught up with his brain. On his lap, Harry was starting to squirm, obviously wanting to get up, so Sirius ran a hand quickly down his face, making sure his own tears were wiped away before his boy could see them, and then he grabbed Harry under his armpits and stood them both up.

Once upright, Harry caught sight of Sirius' red rimmed eyes, and feeling enormously guilty for being the cause of them, he immediately dove into his father's arms far more upset now than he'd been while actually getting spanked.

"I'm sorry."

The boy's throat clogged up with tears and Sirius held him close, bending his head down to drop a kiss on the top of the messy black hair. He thanked every deity he could think of for the fact that his son was warm and breathing in his arms right now instead of lost forever to the unforgiving sea.

"I know you are," he said quietly as he stroked the back of Harry's head, still damp and with a bit of sand in it. "I know. But I think you just took ten years off my life, little one."

Harry let out a heart-wrenching sob as he clung to his father while Sirius did what he could to soothe them both, and they might have stood there for a good deal longer if Sirius didn't see a flicker of unexpected movement in his peripheral vision.

He spun around sharply and saw the approach a flying carpet speeding along up the beach. Still fairly tense, his trained defensive instincts kicked into high gear and in the blink of an eye he had his wand brandished in his hand to protect his child from whoever dared to intrude on their private property.

Reflexively, Sirius pushed Harry behind him, firmly shushing the boy when he started to protest, and only relaxed his stance once he recognized the faces of Mr. Didi, the General Manager and Miss Shifana, the Head of Magical Security. Keeping Harry shielded from them just in case, he didn't really have to guess the reason for their visit.

Harry too recognized their visitors and his face flushed a deep red over the possibility that someone might have seen him getting his backside soundly spanked out in the open like that. He ducked his head and stayed firmly put behind his father's broad shoulders to lessen the humiliation of having to face them.

Mr. Didi was off the carpet first as it hovered to a stop and was striding quickly towards them while Miss Shifana followed at a protective distance. There was a knowing look in her eyes that spoke to her own high level of crisis training and Sirius recognized a kindred soul that had probably seen more in life than they ever wanted to when it came to the Dark Arts.

"Mr. Black!" Mr. Didi's usually impeccable manners were a bit rattled as he reached them. "We received a troubling report from one of the handlers at the reserve that the Abraxan loaned out to your son had returned unexpectedly, and without his rider. I am most distressed. Is Master Harry well? Do you require assistance?"

On a good day, Sirius didn't like this man.

Oh, he respected Mr. Didi's commitment to service for their wealthy residents well enough, but Sirius, having grown up in a privileged home, had never had anything positive to say about the snobby pure-bloods he'd been forced to socialize with. Fawning and fussing over them just inflated their already enormous egos even more and Mr. Didi had made that particular behavior into an art form.

But that didn't matter at the moment. Of course the resort would be concerned over any possible injury to the son of the owner of their largest villa, so the visit wasn't exactly a surprise and Sirius wasn't going to make the man's job harder.

"Harry is fine, thank you, Mr. Didi, as you can see," Sirius answered calmly as he drew Harry to his side so the nervous manager could judge for himself. "A bit of a fright, but he's perfectly okay."

Mr. Didi exhaled an exaggerated sigh of relief and Sirius could have sworn he saw Miss Shifana's eyes roll for a split second before she schooled her beautiful features back into an unreadable mask.

"I assure you," the man prattled on, "this incident will be addressed with the harshest possible penalty for the animal in question. We in no way condone any risk to the well being of our honored residents."

Hearing this, Harry sucked in a deep breath of distress and he turned to his father to protest, but he needn't have worried. Sirius had no intention of letting the steed pay the price for the boy's foolishness.

"That's not necessary, Mr. Didi," he insisted. "The fault lies entirely with my son, and I have already reprimanded him appropriately for his egregious carelessness. Harry," Sirius turned to sternly look at his boy, "you will apologize to Mr. Didi and Miss Shifana for breaking their rules and making them come all the way out here during their busy day."

Blushing, Harry cleared his throat and fidgeted nervously as he addressed them in turn.

"I'm very sorry, Mr. Didi," he said shamefaced. "I'm very sorry Miss Shifana. I should have been more careful. It wasn't Arjun's fault. He got spooked by some birds and I wasn't holding on like I should have. I'm the one to blame."

Sirius swore he could see the relief bleed out of Mr. Didi's shoulders. No doubt the general manager was pleased that he wouldn't have to explain to the resort's owner as to why one of the coveted horses had needed to be put down.

"There's no harm done, Master Harry," Mr. Didi assured the boy, his voice much more genuine now that a crisis had been averted. "You are not the first young man with high spirits here on our little island."

Harry had hoped the embarrassing encounter was now over, but that wish was short lived when Miss Shifana now came forward and threw Sirius an apologetic look.

"Mr. Black, I'm very sorry, but it's the resort's policy that all wands belonging to anyone involved in an incident be inspected in case of damage or dark spell casting."

Sirius felt bad for the woman who looked as if she would rather have this whole thing just blow over, but he couldn't blame her or the resort for doing what they needed to in order to ensure the safety of the residents.

"It's no trouble at all, Miss Shifana," he answered easily as he pulled his wand from his leg holster and handed it over. "We understand completely. Harry, give Miss Shifana your wand, please."

At his side, Sirius felt his son suddenly tense up. Surprised, he looked down at his son and saw Harry's green eyes go wild as the boy surreptitiously smoothed the pockets of his swimming trunks.

"Harry?" Sirius asked in a concerned voice. "What's the matter? Is there something wrong with your wand?"

The boy was starting to breathe heavily as he cast a nervous look up at his father. Now really worried, Sirius took his son by the shoulders before Harry hyperventilated.

"What's going on, little one? Is it gone? Did you lose it in the water?"

"We have protections for that," Mr. Didi inserted quickly, although a sharp look from Sirius had him clamping his mouth shut.

"Harry?" he tried again.

With a horrifying realization, Harry raked the fingers of both hands through his hair. How could he be so stupid? If he thought that his father was mad over some reckless flying, that was nothing to the fury he would unleash once Harry had to tell him the truth about his wand.

"I'm waiting for an answer, Harry James," Sirius warned as he grew increasingly impatient and worried in equal measure, "and it better be a good one. You did have your wand with you before your fall, correct?"

Using every ounce of Gryffindor courage he possessed, Harry forced himself to maintain eye contact with his rapidly angering father. He couldn't seem to find the ability to use words at the moment, but as the seconds ticked by it was clear that Sirius was getting the gist on his own. Father and son stared intently at each other as Sirius breathed deeply and forcefully shoved down his rising fury and panic, repeatedly reminding himself that he couldn't afford to completely lose it in front of strangers.

"Where?" he finally barked out hoarsely.

Harry gulped as he felt Sirius fingers tightened just a fraction on his shoulders.

"On the bedside table in my room."

The words sounded stupid coming out of his mouth. It was a complete failure of Wand Ownership 101. The absolute very first thing that every witch and wizard learned upon acquiring their wand was that they never ever let it out of their sight. It had been bad enough when Harry had to endure having it locked away in the cupboard at Privet Drive.

Forgetting it when he was allowed full time access to it, was positively irresponsible.

Sirius drew in a shaky breath as the depth of his son's folly came to light. He was so furious that it was hard to form a coherent thought, but right now he had to do whatever was necessary to get the manager and security officer out of their hair so he could deal with his son. He turned to their guests and practically strangled himself with the restraint it took to speak without screaming.

"It appears that my son chose to leave it behind this morning," he said politely, his face scarily calm. "If you would please follow us?"

Taking Harry not-so-gently by the arm, Sirius leaned down and growled low in his son's ear.

"March."

Harry didn't need to be told twice and he began to walk swiftly towards the villa, with the others trailing behind him.

Frankly he was surprised that his father didn't give him another smacking right there and then in front of the resort staff. But by this point he did know Sirius well enough to recognize the face that promised him nothing good once they were alone.

And Harry wouldn't blame the man either.

They had this island villa in the first place because Harry's life was regularly put in peril by dark forces. Without his wand, he was no better than a defenseless Muggle. How Sirius was managing to keep his composure at the moment, his son didn't know.

It only took a minute to reach the Master Suite and once they were inside Sirius jerked his head in the direction of Harry's room and the boy jumped to obey the silent command. There, sitting innocently on the top of his night stand right next to the holster he should be wearing, was his faithful holly and phoenix feather. Harry swallowed hard as he rushed to grab it up and then hurried back to the main room before his father had a magical explosion that wiped out half the pricey real estate around them.

Miss Shifana was just finishing some kind of test on Sirius' wand when Harry walked back in. His father didn't say a word as he took it back from her and slid it into his own holster, but his eyes assessed the one in Harry's hand and it almost seemed as if Sirius' face lost a tiny fraction of its earlier tension with the visual confirmation that at least Harry still had it.

Without speaking, Harry obligingly handed it over to the waiting security officer who quickly repeated the exam and then handed it back with a nod.

"Everything is in order, gentlemen," she said with a polite smile. "We appreciate your cooperation and if there's anything we can do to be of service, please do not hesitate to ask."

"Yes," Mr. Didi agreed, looking very excited at the prospect of getting the hell out of Dodge since anyone could see the anger radiating from Sirius regardless of how hard he was trying to hide it. "We are always at your service. Good day, Mr. Black. Master Harry."

Sirius nodded his farewell at them as he walked them to the front door. "Thank you. Good day to you both."

Closing the door behind them, Sirius stood for a few seconds with his back to his son and Harry could tell by the rise and fall of his father's shoulders that he was trying to keep his temper in check. Harry was prepared for a loud, angry tirade after everything that happened, but Sirius just turned around after a moment, his lips pinched together so tight they were white and he beckoned Harry to sit on the tropical blue and green sofa.

"I don't suppose you have a good explanation to give me?" he asked hopefully after sitting next to his contrite son.

Harry swallowed hard again, his eyes blinking fast to stave off tears as he shook his head sorrowfully.

"No, sir."

Sirius nodded and let out a deep sigh. There had been a tiny part of him that hoped his son had a reasonable explanation for walking around all morning without carrying his wand, but a larger part that knew he was just kidding himself.

"You know this isn't a little infraction, right?"

Harry nodded. He knew.

"Yes, sir."

Rubbing a hand down his face, Sirius reached over with the other one to cup the back of Harry's neck, and when his son leaned closer towards him, the man's heart broke just a little.

"We're not going to make the same mistakes this time," he assured his boy, looking straight into Harry's wet, green eyes. "I'm very upset with you right now, but I love you very much and I always will, no matter what. Understand?"

A choked cry gasped out of Harry's throat as the tears started to fall and he nodded furiously because he couldn't speak aloud at the moment.

Sirius couldn't take the sight of his son's distress, so he pulled the upset boy into his arms and let Harry break down a little. There was no wonder the boy was a bit of a wreck. A lot had happened in a very short amount of time that morning and it would be overwhelming for anyone, let alone a child.

"Merlin's hairy balls," Sirius swore quietly as he rubbed Harry's back. It was hard enough raising one troublemaker. How on earth had Charlus Potter dealt with two of them?

That thought immediately brought James to the forefront of his mind and Sirius choked down a throat full of bile as he painfully reminded himself of why it was so important to make sure that Harry's wand was always an extension of the boy's own hand.

Harry shivered in his embrace and Sirius suddenly realized that they were both still wet from their unplanned swim, and now that they were in the chilly air conditioned villa, their damp clothing was uncomfortable.

"C'mon, kiddo," Sirius said softly as he guided Harry up from the sofa. "You need a warm shower and some dry clothes. I do too. We'll deal with this after."

Brushing away his tears, Harry nodded and he allowed himself to be led back to his room. He stood to the side, his trembling arms wrapped around himself, while Sirius fiddled with the knobs in the shower to get the hot water running.

"Take all the time you need," his father soothed as he ran an affectionate hand across the top of Harry's wet hair. "then get into your pajamas. When I come back in to talk to you, I'm going to want you to lie down for a while after we're done."

"Yes, sir."

"I'll just be next door in my room if you need me before then," Sirius assured his son. "Not far."

Harry nodded again, the reminder of why his father would make sure to say that putting a lump in his throat.

"I love you, little one."

Sirius bent over and dropped a kiss on his son's head and used his thumb to brush away another tear that slipped down Harry's cheek.

"Love you too," the boy croaked out in a whisper before his father turned and left the room.

Now that he was alone, Harry gulped in a couple of deep, tremulous breaths that did nothing to calm him. What had started out as such a nice fun morning had rapidly gone downhill, as things in his life tended to.

Sirius had said to take his time, but Harry wanted to be showered, dressed and ready as quickly as possible, just in case. He was also freezing at the moment, whether it was from the wet clothes, cold air or nerves. Most likely a combination of all three. Going into the bathroom, he tugged his shirt off and threw it in the hamper, toed off his squishy trainers and socks, and then stepped out of his bathing trunks and hung them on the provided drying rack.

There was a full length mirror next to the shower and Harry couldn't help doing a quick check for damage. His bum wasn't really stinging that badly anymore, but he could still kind of feel it.

He also had a bad feeling that his talk with Sirius was going to involve some sort of repeat performance of that particular kind of father-son activity, so he figured it was prudent to know what shape he was already in.

Turning his back to the mirror, he twisted around and took a good look. There was a large pink splotch on each cheek and a couple of slightly darker pink patches on the backs of his thighs, but no real redness like he'd suspected. It really had felt much worse while it was happening, but maybe it was just the wet suit making him think that. At least he wouldn't be heading into the talk with a big handicap.

Harry wasn't taking any chances this time.

Sirius never insisted on him having his wand physically on his body while they were just hanging out, as long as it was within easy reach, but before Harry even got in the shower he strapped his leg holster on and put his wand inside of it. Wands were naturally designed to work in many different environments, so it wasn't as if the water would hurt it. It certainly would have made his swim in the Black Lake pretty interesting otherwise.

The hot water of the shower was amazing, and Harry felt himself relax just a little bit as he stood under the spray and just let it wash over him, warming up the clamminess of his skin. A push of a knob on the shower wall shot jets of coconut scented soap at him and he lathered his whole body up twice in a desperate attempt to rid himself of the clumping sand and the salt from the seawater.

He shivered a little, thinking that it might be a while before he could go back in the ocean without thinking about the way his stomach jumped up into his throat during his fall.

Eventually the steam cloud in the room became a thick fog and Harry knew it was time to get out. Reluctantly, he shut off the water and climbed out, wrapping himself in one of the villa's thick, fluffy towels. After being in all the heat, the coolness of his bedroom felt good, instead of chilly, and he toweled off his hair and then pulled a T-shirt and pajama pants out of his fully stocked wardrobe.

Once he was dressed, his nerves started to kick back in full force as he wondered how long his father would be before he returned. If Sirius was taking his time coming back in, it could be a good thing or a bad thing.

Harry didn't really know at the moment.

Sitting down on the edge of his bed, he folded his hands in his lap and prepared to wait.

***************HP**************

In his own bathroom, Sirius was also in the shower taking advantage of the warm water. The pervasive chill on his skin had been just a tad too close to the cold of his prison cell, which would have given him some mental problems on a good day.

Today wasn't a good day.

Well, that wasn't entirely true.

It was a good day because his son was alive and healthy, safe and sound, which was really the most important thing.

The bad thing was that Sirius had needed to punish his son once already, and now it looked like he was going to have to do it again.

He hated it. Well and truly hated it, like he rarely hated anything else in the world except for his parents, the unnecessary loss of his best friends and, well usually, himself.

James and Lily.

Both of whom could be alive today if just a couple of things had gone differently.

If the rat hadn't been such a...well, such a rat. If Remus had trusted them all with the secret of his mission to recruit the werewolves for the Order. If Sirius hadn't been cocky and stupid enough to get James to agree to trust anyone else but Sirius with their location.

Sirius who would have cheerfully been tortured to death, slowly and painfully, if it meant that the ones he considered his true family got to live long, happy lives. Instead of the rat who placed the value of years of friendship at knuts to the galleon.

But there was one more reason why his brother in all but blood had fallen so quickly that night, and why Lily followed him soon after.

Neither of them had their wands.

Sirius was honest enough to admit that James was an exceptional wizard, but he would certainly have fallen to Voldemort one way or the other no matter what happened. Unfortunately, the fact that his wand was found far from his body in the rubble of the house indicated that he didn't have it handy when their home was invaded.

He might not have saved his own life with it, but he could have given Lily and Harry more time to escape if he'd been able to duel.

James and Lily had a portkey to Sirius' own flat stashed away in a drawer in Harry's nursery, just in case. Which was also under the Fidelius with James as the secret keeper so they could flee there if disaster struck. Sirius, still having access at the Ministry, had made the (illegal) portkey for them as a safeguard against the unthinkable, because Sirius was a paranoid bastard by nature and Sirius did think the unthinkable often.

It was how he'd been able to track the rat so quickly that terrible night.

There was no doubt in his mind that Lily had run flat out to the nursery that night to scoop up her son and vanish before that maniac could get them. Sirius couldn't even begin to imagine what she would have needed to do to summon the will to abandon her husband to certain death to save her child, but he definitely believed that she did.

But then Lily was found dead in the nursery, Harry screaming his tiny, bleeding head off in distress, and Sirius had gone mad with grief, especially when he found out that she had been unarmed as well.

Now the same madman was after their son, again, and the very idea that Harry could walk around without his wand for even one second, secure island or not, was just far too close to the complacent behavior that had most likely contributed to his parents' death.

Sirius wanted to scream.

In fact, drawing his own wand, dripping with soap bubbles since Sirius never went anywhere without it, he cast a silencing charm on himself and then he did scream.

Over and over and over and over again.

He silently screamed himself hoarse. Long after his skin began to pucker in the falling water. If Harry wasn't waiting for him, probably scared half to death over what was going to happen to him, Sirius might very well have stayed in that shower for the rest of the day.

Hiding away from his problems like a coward.

****************HP*******************

As the minutes ticked by, with still no appearance by his father, Harry started to get a little nervous.

A part of him wondered if Sirius had gone off somewhere after all. Maybe too angry to look at his irresponsible and disappointing son at the moment. Sirius had said that he loved him, and Harry was sure that his father meant it, but that didn't mean that Harry would be forgiven any time soon for upsetting him so badly today.

Twice.

So the boy was already in a pretty fair state of unease by the time Sirius knocked on the door and then entered carrying his belt in his hand.

Despite the fact that Harry had been so blasé about getting walloped with it just a little over a week prior, looking at it now, curled in his father's grip ominously like a leather harbinger of doom, the boy drew in a shuddering breath and involuntarily scooted a couple of inches back on his bed, shying away from its approach.

Sirius couldn't miss the spark of fear in his son's eyes and he grimaced, knowing exactly how Harry was feeling. He'd been there too on a couple of memorable occasions himself.

"Relax," he said calmly, striding over to sit next to Harry on the bed and setting the belt down next to him. "We're just talking right now. Okay?"

Harry swallowed hard and nodded. He was under no delusions that talking was most likely going to lead to other things, but right now he'd take whatever kind of reprieve he could get.

"First," Sirius started, leaning forward to clasp his hands between his knees, "I want to apologize to you. I shouldn't have punished you right there on the beach. I should have brought you inside and calmed down for a few more minutes first. You just frightened me so badly that I reacted before I could make sure that you weren't in shock."

"It's okay," Harry shook his head firmly. "I wasn't upset about the fall. Only about worrying you. At the time it didn't even seem that high up and I've had worse falls before."

"It's not okay, Sirius insisted, incredibly angry with himself. "Whether you realize that you were scared or not, you still needed some time to process everything and I didn't give that to you. With me acting like that, it's no wonder that you see me the way you do when it comes to punishment. That I'd immediately want to, because today I proved it."

Harry's face fell.

If he'd thought that he couldn't possibly feel any worse than he already did at that moment, he suddenly realized that he was very wrong. There was absolutely no reason for Sirius to feel badly about what happened earlier.

"I don't think that at all," Harry protested, shaking his head vigorously. "I think you let me off pretty easy actually."

"Harry..."

"I'm so sorry for the way I acted that night, Papa," Harry said guiltily, his eyes staring at the floor so he didn't need to see his father's pained face. "and for what I said. I didn't mean it, really. I know you don't like punishing me. I know you hate it. I do."

Although he'd been determined to remain calm during this discussion, Sirius couldn't help the choking breath he took in. He was the last person to judge anything said or done in the heat of a moment, but he couldn't help how much his son's words had affected him that night. Bringing one of his worst fears to life at a time when he already felt pretty low.

"Then why did you say that?" he asked, genuinely wanted to know if he'd ever done anything to prompt it. "If you really don't feel that way. Because it was incredibly hurtful, kiddo."

Harry fidgeted and chewed on his bottom lip. His forehead was puckered with distress and he looked like he would rather be anywhere else right now except in this room spilling his guts.

"Because I know that you only smack me when I've done something really bad," he finally admitted, still unable to make eye contact, "and I felt like I had done that by lying to you and disappointing you. I knew how much you wanted that dinner to go well and I went knowing that I wouldn't be nice to them, no matter what happened."

"Why didn't you just say that?" Sirius shook his head in disbelief. "Why go and get my belt instead? Merlin, Harry. You don't know how that wrecked me."

"You said that you'd use it the day I threatened to try apparating to Hogwarts," Harry reminded his father, his voice beginning to clog with tears as he swiped a hand under a slightly runny nose. "And Mr. Weasley only uses his belt when Ron and his brothers get into really big trouble too. I just thought it I deserved it for being such a big prat."

"You wanted me to wallop you?" Sirius asked incredulously. "Why on Earth would you ever want that?"

"I wanted to not fight with you anymore!" Harry cried miserably, rubbing his hands over his face in agitation. "It's all we were doing every time you brought up that stupid dinner and I hated it and I just wanted it to stop!"

Harry took a deep shuddering breath as he tried to summon up the nerve to look his father in the eye. Now that everything was coming out in the open, he just wanted to move past it and never think of those days again.

"After I walked out, I knew you were really angry with me. Like, really, really angry,' Harry emphasized, fidgeting with his hands. "I figured, maybe even angry enough to want to spank me and I was okay with that. I mean, I hate it when you're doing it, but at least it's quick and afterwards you always forgive me and I know it's over. I just wanted it to be over!"

"Why couldn't you tell me any of this then? I would have listened," Sirius insisted, bereft by the distress his son suffered in silence. "I would have understood, I promise. I know what a guilty conscience can make you do sometimes. We could have worked it out together."

"But you didn't smack me, and then you said I'd have to write that letter or do lines until I did," Harry shrugged, dashing a hand at a falling tear. "I don't mind lines, really. I mean, yeah it's boring, but it's just lines. I thought I'd just have to write about manners or something stupid like that. But then you made me write about disrespecting you, and I don't and it hurt so much that you thought I did, and you were still so angry with me for days anyway and I just..."

Harry's breathing shuddered and his lip trembled and Sirius felt like the lowest form of life on the planet for how incredibly bad he'd mucked everything up.

"I made you write lines because I vowed to myself to only spank you when you do something really dangerous," Sirius explained in a tight voice. "It just guts me when I'm the reason that you're in pain and crying. You don't know what your tears do to me, little one. I can't stand being the one to make you hurt."

"The lines I had to write hurt me a lot more than your belt would have."

Harry's voice was small and his eyes were rapidly blinking back more tears as he made that admission. Sirius' stomach threatened to flip again from the memory of each miserable lunch session. Watching his son become more and more overwrought as the days passed.

"Well, there are some who would say that's what made the lines the better punishment," Sirius said sadly, shaking his head. "That they left more of an impression of what's right and wrong than giving you a walloping would have. I suppose that can be true sometimes, but I think in this particular case, the lines turned out to be more torture than punishment, didn't they?"

Swallowing hard, Harry nodded. It had been agony for him to put those words to parchment over and over again.

"I don't know what to do about all of this, kiddo," Sirius admitted, shrugging and looking a little lost. "It's my job as the parent to have all the answers and to set all the rules but I seem to keep bollocksing it up, no matter how hard I try to do the right thing."

"You haven't!" Harry protested, only to be shut down by a raised hand from his father.

"I have," Sirius insisted, shaking his head. "If I'm too soft on you, I worry that you're not learning from your mistakes. If I'm too hard on you, I worry about turning into my father. I try to do what I think your Dad would have done if he was still here, or at least what I know your Granddad would have, but most of the time...I just can't seem to get it right. And you're the one paying for it. I don't want to ever see you go through another week like the last one. I won't."

Harry didn't have words at the moment. He felt awful that his penchant for trouble and mischief and plain old stubbornness was causing Sirius so much internal grief. The very last thing he wanted was to hurt the most important person in his life.

"We're playing twelve years of catch-up," Sirius shrugged. "You didn't really have parents growing up in that horrible place, and I certainly never thought I'd have a son. Your Dad, he...well, we always knew he'd be a good family man one day, but I didn't exactly come from the best example of one and I never really thought about what I would do if I became a father at some point.

"You're doing great," Harry said softly. "Really."

Sirius smiled fondly at his son and ran an affectionate hand across the top of his head.

"And I worry sometimes that you only think that because you don't really know any better."

"You don't even see it," Harry shook his head sadly in frustration. "How can you not see what a brilliant father you are? You do everything for me. You built me a school, for Merlin's sake! I'm the prat that keeps mucking things up."

"You're a kid," Sirius reminded his boy. "It's your job to muck things up. It's my job to decide what to do after. And I'm not always very good at my job."

Harry wanted to disagree, but he had a feeling that Sirius wasn't going to hear it at the moment.

"So what would my Dad have done today?"

"James?"

Sirius chuckled tearfully and swept a hand through his own hair. He thought about his dearest friend for a moment and a hint of melancholy tinged his face.

"If you'd asked him that question before you were born, he would have sworn that he would have let you off for it all. That he'd never be the kind of stern parent that his own Dad was," Sirius reminisced fondly. "But really? James adored his father and copied every move he made. By the time you were toddling about, he'd become Charlus in all but name. He'd have walloped you just for the Abraxan alone, with probably another reminder before bed, and you'd have been lucky to be more than five feet in the air on anything before summer."

Harry's eyes went wide. He'd never really thought of how strict his Dad might have been, having always only heard about the pranks he pulled and all the mischief he got up to at school.

"Now your Granddad Potter," Sirius continued, his eyes really beginning to sparkle, "was infinitely kind and infinitely patient. You had to really make a mess to make him cross with you. But once you did, watch out. He didn't believe in teaching the same lesson twice, so he made sure it stuck the first time. I got walloped with his belt only once, and it was one time more than I ever wanted to. It took your Dad a little longer to get the message."

Nodding, Harry couldn't help feeling a sense of loss at never having had the chance to know either man. But he couldn't imagine them being any better at fatherhood than Sirius.

Harry's Papa was good, kind and decent. And stuck far too often with a brat for a son.

"Now, my own father," Sirius said hatefully, a disgusted sneer on his handsome face, "he would have beaten you mercilessly for far less than what you did today. And I rather go in completely the opposite direction of that vile piece of work with just about anything. Frankly, I'm ashamed to carry his blood."

"So what are you going to do?"

Harry asked his question shyly and nervously pulled on the fabric of his pajamas pants to give his fidgety hand something to do. He knew what he'd done and the uncertainty over his father's response was started to unnerve him.

"Well, " Sirius hedged, "about your wand..."

"I'm sorry, Papa," Harry interrupted, his eyes blinking hard as he started to get worked up. "I don't know what happened. I never forget to take it with me. Ever. I don't know why I did this morning. I know that I meant to. But then we just left after breakfast and I forgot to go back to my room and then..."

"Okay," Sirius soothed, holding his hand up to calm his son. "Okay. We all make mistakes. The important thing is to learn from them."

Harry took a deep cleansing breath and nodded jerkily. "Yes, sir."

Pursing his lips, Sirius took a moment to decide how to phrase what he needed to say. Not only because it was hard for him to speak the words, but he was sure that it was even harder for his son to hear them. But, really that was the reason why this whole conversation was necessary in the first place, and finally he just had to forge ahead.

"You know how important it is to have your wand with you at all times," he began, staring at his son carefully. "You, of all people, know what can happen if you don't."

A strangled sob choked its way out of Harry's throat at the pointed reminder.

Harry did know.

Sirius had told him about the way his parents were found unarmed the day that they were murdered, but Harry didn't always think about things like that. Not that he didn't understand and appreciate the sacrifices they'd made for him, but because it was usually too painful to think about it.

"The thing is, kiddo," Sirius continued sadly, "is that we wouldn't even be having this conversation if you'd grown up in magical home like you should have. Being around wands your whole life, you grow up knowing how important they are and it's like second nature to always have yours just a few inches away. While I think it's likely that your Dad was just startled and couldn't reach his in time, your Mum, growing up Muggle, had the same problem as you with not enough years of experience of owning one. We had to remind her more than once about keeping it close."

Swallowing hard, Harry brushed away another tear. It was difficult to hear about his Mum's murder in that context. That she might have survived if she'd been a little more careful.

"There's nothing we can do about the fact that your circumstances are special and unique. That you have real monsters to worry about."

Sirius wrapped an arm around his son and held him close for a moment, with Harry leaning in for the comfort he needed in that moment.

"I try to make allowances where I can, in order to be fair to you since you're forced to carry a higher burden of risk to your safety and you live under a set of rules that your peers don't have to worry about. I know it's not fair to you, and if I could change it, I would. But the fact remains that you are not a normal boy with normal boy problems. Being careless with your wand could be a death sentence for you. And I can't have that. I won't lose you too."

Harry nodded jerkily as he swiped at a stray tear. He was ready for what he knew was coming, but he felt even worse knowing now how his father really felt about it. He swore he'd try harder in the future to prevent something like this from happening again.

"So as much as it pains me," Sirius said in a husky voice as he picked up the belt from the bed and stood, "I think we're past lines and groundings this time. And hopefully we never have to do this again. Okay?"

"Yes, sir," Harry choked out, his fingers nervously gripping at the linen trousers Sirius had changed into without realizing he was doing it. He firmly reminded himself that he'd wanted this the last time he'd been in trouble.

"Is there anything else you want to talk about?" Sirius asked kindly. "Or do you think you're ready?"

"I'm ready," Harry answered, shaking his head as he took a couple of deep breaths. "I'd really just like to get it over with, if that's okay."

"Alright, come here."

Sirius held his hand out and Harry took it, smiling a sad little shaky smile as his father pulled him up from the bed and gave his hand a comforting squeeze. Sirius leaned over and pressed a kiss on Harry's scarred forehead and give him a quick hug before releasing.

"It's going to be okay, little one. It'll be over before you know it. And then, I promise everything will be forgiven and we'll enjoy the rest of our stay like nothing happened."

Harry smiled gratefully at him and Sirius' shattered heart broke just a little bit more. It wasn't right that his son had suffered so much during their last row. Sirius needed to do better in making Harry feel secure.

Using gentle hands, Sirius slowly guided Harry to turn around and bend over the bed, his confident facade cracking into a pained grimace as he heard his son quietly sniff. He rubbed Harry's back for a few seconds and struggled to keep his own tears at bay.

"I'm right here, Son," he soothed. "I'm so sorry I have to do this."

Harry shook his head, wiping at a traitorous eye with the heel of his hand. It was too early to start crying.

"I'm sorry you have to. I won't make you do it again, I promise."

Despite the unhappy situation, Sirius had to sadly chuckle to himself. How many times had he promised Mr. Potter that exact same thing?

When Harry was firmly in position, Sirius took the belt and doubled it over, making sure to put his hand around the buckle so it didn't accidentally get away from him and hit Harry. Orion had never had any concern with leaving marks on his son but, despite his fears, Sirius was never going to be the monster that Orion Black was. He'd take this walloping himself if he could instead of having to be the one giving it.

"If I hadn't already punished you once today," Sirius started, his voice already hoarse from the lecture that was killing him to give, "you'd be getting your age. Your grandfather's rules. But since I did, I'll cut it in half this time. He would also have made you count them out, but I think we can forget about that today as well. Does that sound fair?"

"Yes, sir."

"Alright then. You may ask me to pause at any time if you need a little break and I will. Don't be afraid to ask. There's no shame in it."

Harry sniffed and nodded, and Sirius saw the boy's hands grip the duvet so tight that his knuckles were white. It wasn't helping the situation to delay the inevitable, since Harry was only getting himself even more worked up. He would be kinder to his son to just get started, so without further ado, he lifted the belt in the air and swung.

When the loud thwack rang out in the room, Sirius winced when he heard a strangled cry come out of his son as Harry lurched forward an inch and clenched large clumps of his duvet in his hands. He could remember how much the first stroke always hurt more than the rest and he clenched his eyes shut over what poor Harry just felt.

I'm sorry kiddo

But what really made him die a little inside was catching a faint whisper from the boy right after.

"One."

******************HP***************

The waves washing against the beach were not quite as soothing as they'd been earlier in the day, before his son had taken an unexpected header into them.

Still, Sirius was sitting in his lounge chair in the private garden, desperately trying to regain a semblance of his earlier zen by listening to their steady ebb and flow, and failing utterly.

Even the assistance of the absolutely enormous and mostly empty tumbler of rum punch perched on the side table wasn't enough to dissolve the guilt boulder that disciplining his son always created in his chest. Harry was still conked out, poor little blighter, on the charmed hanging pad where Sirius had carried him after the boy had cried himself out and fallen to sleep.

Although, to be perfectly honest, the kid had survived the whole ordeal in much better emotional shape than his distraught father had.

Ah, the resilience of youth.

Harry had come through his first taste of the belt like a champ. Taking every stroke without complaint and never missing a count until it was all over.

Incredibly, he'd lasted until four before he began to cry in earnest, and it was fair to say that his legs probably would have buckled on number five if his father hadn't been holding him up until he was able to compose himself. He never asked for a pause or begged for it all to end early like many other kids, James and Sirius included, had done before him.

After seven, Harry had crawled forward on the bed and dropped down onto his stomach, buried his snotty face into the brightly covered duvet and then sobbed out his pain.

In his own little miserable world, Harry never saw the crying mess of a man behind him that was silently apologizing to his weeping son. Standing stock still and unsure if he'd be allowed to comfort his child when he so desperately wanted to.

Sirius was shaking after tossing the belt aside like it was a poisonous viper. He was finding it hard to regain his composure after doing something he'd sworn to never do, and he might very well have had a complete breakdown if Harry hadn't blindly reached a hand back, searching for his father's arms.

In relief, Sirius had crawled on the bed next to his son, cradling Harry's head in the crook of one arm while he rubbed the boy's back with the other and they'd cried their tears out together until they were both exhausted.

Once Harry was well and truly asleep, Sirius had gotten up from the bed and ruthlessly grabbed up the belt and stormed out of the villa. Tapping it with his wand, he transfigured the detested object into a starling and let it loose in the air. He never wanted to see it again and he began to give serious consideration to just wearing robes from then on so he'd never need another.

Afterwards, he sneaked back quietly into Harry's bedroom where the boy was sleeping fitfully. He cast an exceptionally mild bewitching charm just to keep Harry asleep until he was relocated then, mindful of the boy's sore bum, he scooped his child up and carried him out to the private garden. Sirius settled him on the charmed pad and then sat down to fretfully watch his son peacefully sleep.

Harry woke to a warm breeze blowing across his face and the feeling of gently swinging back and forth. He was laying on his stomach, a soft pillow under his cheek, and knew right away where he was.

Naps on the hanging pad in the private garden was one of the best things about the villa.

Comfortable and still a bit sleepy, he didn't open his eyes just yet, happy in that hazy space in between dreams and waking.

He knew he'd fallen asleep on his bed and assumed that his father had levitated him outside where Harry enjoyed it the most and a little smile spread across his face. The contented boy might have even managed to sink back into an untroubled sleep if his stomach didn't take the opportunity to loudly rumble, and he groaned into his pillow because while his body might want food, his mind just wanted rest.

Another growl, more urgent this time, finally convince him that it was time to wake up and eat a little something, and without thinking he rolled onto his back and then hissed as his backside reminded him of why he was asleep in the middle of the afternoon in the first place.

A sharp intake of breath nearby was his first clue that he wasn't alone in the garden and, being very careful, he turned again until he saw the grimacing face of his father who was sitting in his favorite lounge, an open book propped on his lap.

Sirius was oozing self-doubt and insecurity and Harry hated to see his otherwise strong and confident father looking like that, especially since the boy knew that it was because of him. Everything that had happened recently was all Harry's fault, and he wasn't going to allow his father to feel guilty any longer.

"What time is it?"

Harry casually yawned his question as he gingerly slid off the pad to stand and then lifted his arms behind his head and stretched.

"Almost two. The weather is so lovely right now I thought you might be more comfortable outside in the fresh air."

Harry hummed in agreement and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. Looking for his glasses, he turned to the small table next to the pad where he usually put them down during naps and was pleased to see them there. Although he tried to hide it, he couldn't help wincing as he walked over to grab them.

"How are you feeling?"

Sirius' voice was quiet and distressed and Harry sighed as he slipped his glasses over his nose. His father's insistence on blaming himself for everything was far harder on the boy than any punishment he'd received today.

Determined to put a stop to it, Harry dragged the second lounge chair that he usually used right next to Sirius' and then he dropped down on it and wedged himself on his side until his head was resting on his father's shoulder. He could feel some of the tension leave Sirius as Harry lay next him, but not nearly enough to get the man out of his current funk.

"You're really cruel, do you know that?"

Immediately, Sirius stiffened and Harry rushed to snuggle in closer before he got too upset.

"Here your only son is starving and there's no lunch anywhere in sight," he whined playfully. "I thought you wanted me to grow up big and strong?"

"I must truly be falling down on the job," Sirius agreed, his voice weak and the watery smile on his face all he could manage at the moment. "What does my starving son want to eat?"

"Mmmm...burger and chips? No. Wait. Two burgers and chips. And then maybe another one of those fantastic sundaes? I feel like I could eat an entire bicorn."

"An entire bicorn?"

Harry detected just a hint of genuine amusement in his father' voice and he nodded enthusiastically, playing it up.

"Yep. All by myself. Head to hoof. Even Ron would be thoroughly disgusted with my appalling table manners by the time I was done with it."

It worked as Sirius chuckled, shifting slightly so he could put an arm around his son.

"Well, that won't do, will it?"

Sirius summoned his elf and requested their lunch and then he and Harry sat in comfortable silence for a few moments before he could work up the nerve to speak again.

"So...how are you feeling?"

"Stupid," Harry muttered shamefully, glad that his head was laying on Sirius' chest so he didn't have to look his father in the eye. "And truthfully a bit sore, but probably not nearly as much as I deserve."

Sirius bent his head down and dropped a kiss into his son's sleep tousled hair as he rubbed the boy's arm.

"I thought we agreed that it was my job to decide that."

"Yeah," Harry shrugged, a mischievous grin on his face. "but you're a great big marshmallow most of the time. Frankly there are days when I really question your judgement."

"Oi! Watch it, you!"

Harry laughed at his father's exaggerated indignation and shifted a little when the lounger frame started to dig into his hip. He could have gotten up and gone back to the plush pad or laid down on the soft grass but he was perfectly comfortable where he was.

"I love you, you know."

Sirius' heart stuttered in his chest at his son's words. Somehow, after the awful morning they'd had, it was just exactly what he needed to hear. Verbal confirmation that he might not be mucking up everything as badly as he thought after all.

"I love you too, little one. So very much."

"And I'm going to try harder to remember that I can't be normal," Harry promised quietly. "No matter how much I want to be. It's just that I was always a freak in the Muggle world, and sometimes it's hard knowing that I'm a freak in the magical world as well."

"You're not.."

"I am."

Harry shrugged as much as he could in the chair as he reached to press his hand over Sirius' heart so he could feel the comforting rhythm of it beating.

"But it's okay," he assured his father. "Because I have you and my friends and, really, that's enough to make up for the rest."

Sirius closed his eyes, breathing deeply as he carded his fingers through Harry's hair. All he wanted in life was to see his son grow up, safe and happy. There were days like today when he worried desperately that it wouldn't happen.

"You're the best father I could ever wish for," Harry said genuinely. "I hope you know that. I'm really sorry I scared you so badly today."

Sirius wasn't sure exactly what he'd ever done to deserve having a great kid like Harry in his life, but he thanked Merlin that he did. Wrapping both arms around his beloved son tight, Sirius held him close, never wanting to let go.

"When you were falling," he choked out, the trauma of reliving his worse fear making it hard for him to speak, "all I could think was that I was about to lose you. I was so afraid."

Harry winced again, this time from the pain of hearing his father's distress. He burrowed further into Sirius' chest and gripped him tight.

"I wasn't afraid," he assured his father, his voice soft and fond. "Because I know that you'll always save me."

***************HP****************

*******SUMMARY********

Sirius gets all four kids started on their animagus journey.

He takes Harry for a mini-break to their villa where they discuss Harry's nightmare and the reason why he wanted Sirius to punish him after the Tonks' dinner party fiasco. Sirius also thinks about Harry's animagus form and settles on a likely choice of a winged horse.

Harry rides an Abraxan horse, breaks the rules about handling it and falls into the ocean from a great height. Sirius has to save him. Later, they realize that Harry has left the villa without carrying his wand and Sirius is scared and furious because Harry isn't being cautious enough about protecting himself. He reminds Harry that his parents were found dead without their wands and how important it is to always have it on him.

After explaining to Harry that he struggles with the right way to discipline him, they talk about Harry's parents and grandparents and how different his life would have been growing up in the magical world.

Sirius punishes Harry twice. Once for his carelessness on the horse and then once for the reckless indifference to his own safety at times by forgetting his wand. Later they make up and Harry tells Sirius that he loves him and is grateful for him and his friends and he promises to do better.

***********END SUMMARY************