Chapter 19

Despite my constant shooing and frequent warnings, the Charizard insisted on following me all the way into the canyon. By the time the lights of the city had disappeared into the night, I had surrendered and stopped my attempts to get him to leave.

I hadn't stopped walking since I left the hotel, not even to check on my Pokemon. Walking felt good. It was something physical, something I didn't have to think about. The simple instinctual motion of it helped clear my mind. I couldn't stop. Stopping meant thinking, and I couldn't face my thoughts. Not yet.

The sun rose, and I was still walking. It was only when the sun appeared over the walls of the canyon that I admitted I needed I break. I sat underneath a tree next to the river. In an effort to keep my mind busy, I took off my shoes and dangled my feet in the water. Down in the canyon, with the sun high overhead, it was warm enough for me to take off my jacket. I dug around in my bag for snacks, enjoying the feel of the cold water on my aching feet.

I leaned back against the rough bark of the tree, closing my eyes as the Charizard curled up a few feet away. I found myself enjoying the moment. Relaxing in the gentle temperature, listening to the river, and the sway of the leaves above me; it was calming. I allowed myself to think that everything was alright, that it would all work out. And for half a second, I almost believed it.

I opened my eyes to study the Charizard who was living proof that everything was not alright. Curled up as he was, he almost looked small. There was a certain sadness about him that I couldn't quite place. He was noticeably thinner than he should've been and his short arms shook slightly with every breath he took. My eyes drifted to the wings that were folded to his body as he rested. They, like the rest of him, were thin and bony. For a moment, I wondered why I hadn't asked him to fly us home but I waved that thought away. There was no way he could carry me in his current state. It was painfully clear that he hadn't been taken care of in that basement.

The thought of the basement threatened to bring about the onslaught of guilt that accompanied most of my thoughts about Filemot. With some difficulty, I pushed those thoughts and emotions back down. With the moment well and truly ruined, I got back to my feet. I gave as much food as I could to the Charizard, although I didn't have much, to begin with, and we set off again.

The hat and sunglasses I had bought as a disguise in Filemot served as excellent protection from the sun during the day. As tired as my body was, I was determined to put as much distance between me and Filemot as I could. Determination alone couldn't make me any faster, however, and I finally made it out of the canyon as the moon reached its peak in the sky.

I knew that there was a lodge nearby, somewhere that weary travelers could go if they needed food or rest. And right now I was a very weary traveler in need of both. I made my way to the quaint wooden building, paid for a bed, and subsequently collapsed on said bed.

When the sun rose the next morning, it rose directly into my eyes. Thanks to the morning sun and its awful brightness, I awoke many hours before I had the chance to get sufficient rest. I attempted to roll over and fall back asleep but the sounds of other travelers waking up around me made it impossible. Resigning myself to my sleepless fate, I rolled out of the bed.

I secured meals for both myself and the Charizard, who I found waiting outside for me. I thought about sneaking away while he ate and continuing without him but I knew It would end up as one more thing I'd feel guilty about. So, I waited for him. After eating, he may not have looked any healthier physically, but I could see the difference it made emotionally. He stood up, stretching out his limbs, and looked at me expectantly.

"Feeling better?" I asked.

He nodded adamantly.

"Well, the nearest town is still pretty far east..." I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye. "Feeling good enough to fly us there?" I chanced.

His confident expression was fled and he began an animated pantomime which, supposedly, contained an excuse for why he couldn't fly us. I hardly understood what he was trying to express, but I accepted the excuse nonetheless.

We started down the dirt road and found that it was much easier to traverse than the unpredictable terrain in the canyon. I also discovered that the further we got from Filemot, the easier it was to keep my thoughts from straying too far in that direction. However, this leg of our journey wasn't without its share of challenges. Exhaustion dragged at my limbs and threatened to overtake me if I stopped.

I convinced myself that I would wake up as I walked, that being tired wouldn't be a problem. This was all true. Until, about an hour down the road when I tripped on a rock. I didn't have enough energy to catch myself and face-planted into the dirt. I lay there, stunned, as my brain tried to make sense of what had just happened.

I could hear the Charizard making worried noises next to me. I sat up and touched my fingers to my cheek. When I pulled them back, my fingers came away bloodied. I wiped the dirt off my face and dabbed at the stinging cut with my shirt. With a whole day of walking ahead of me, I was unwilling to use water to properly clean the cut, so I stopped touching it and simply hoped I had cleared away most of the dirt.

I stood up, dusting off my pants, and found the Charizard looking at me. Worry gleamed in his sharp blue eyes, but there was also a hint of... regret? Shame? I couldn't tell. As I watched, he turned, crouching down and lowing his wings. It was a clear invitation to climb onto his back and, I assumed, fly with him.

"Ah, reconsidered I see?" I teased.

I climbed up, careful not to step on his wings or hurt him. As I clutched his bony shoulders, though, I couldn't help but be concerned for him. He was far from fully recovered and I didn't want to encourage him to do anything he wasn't ready to do.

"Are you sure you're strong enough for this?" I asked softly.

In response, he snorted and a cloud of smoke billowed from his nose. He shook out his wings and, without further warning, launched into the sky.

A curse was torn from my lips and thrown to the wind as terror gripped me. The ground below shrunk rapidly and my ears popped painfully as we rose abruptly to a higher altitude. I wrapped my arms around the Charizard's neck, squeezing my eyes shut. My exhaustion had fled as soon as we left the ground, but that didn't make flying any less terrifying for me. I had only flown once before, but I had been clutched relatively safely in the giant talons of a bird. Now, the only thing between me and death was the unreliable strength of my frail human arms.

At the beginning of our flight, the Charizard was unsteady. He seemed to be inexperienced when flying with a passenger. Sometimes he would suddenly drop a few feet, which made my heart jump into my throat, or he'd have trouble gaining height. Even so, got used to it once we leveled out, and I mustered the courage to crack my eyes open.

We weren't nearly as high up as I was last time, we weren't even above the clouds. And that was fine with me. I peered around the Charizard to get a good look at where we were. We were approaching Lake Liala and I was surprised to find that I could see around the entire perimeter of the enormous body of water. For a time, I was content to watch the glittering water as it drew nearer and nearer, but soon, the wind picked up and we were thrown off balance. The Charizard grunted, swiftly righting us, but I was too scared to continue looking at the water and I shut my eyes again.

I estimated we had been flying for an hour when the Charizard's strength started to wane. I began hearing his labored breathing over the sound of the wind and opened my eyes to find us gradually descending. I hugged him tighter in what I hoped was a comforting gesture and a few minutes later we landed on the shore of Lake Liala.

I rolled off the Charizard's back and he sunk to the ground beside me, breathing heavily. The two of us lay there for a while, enjoying how grounded we were. Nearby, waves lapped gently on the shore of the lake, and, as calming as the sound was, I knew I couldn't fall asleep yet. We were so close to another town, I just had to hold on until we got there.

We took our time getting up again, I wanted to make sure the Charizard was going to be alright after exerting himself like that. I smoothed my wind-tossed hair as we walked along the shore of Lake Liala. When I first met the Charizard down in the basement, I hadn't been too keen on taking in another Pokemon, especially one that, presumably, still had a trainer out there somewhere. But I had to admit, he was growing on me. I kept one hand on him as we walked and I noticed the way that he kept one wing protectively outstretched behind me.

After our harrowing flight, I was so happy to just be walking again that I almost didn't notice a wagon stopped on the side of the road.

I would have kept on walking if a voice hadn't called out, "Have you no love for old friends?" I turned towards the source of the voice and was confronted by Margo who grinned widely at me.

I immediately brightened. "Margo!"

I had never been more glad to see the dark-skinned woman. She stood with one hand on her hip and a bundle of nails in the other. Her black hair had been braided and thrown over one shoulder and her clothes were stained with dirt.

"Hey kid," she greeted me warmly. "Who's your new friend." She gestured behind me where the Charizard was hanging back, warily eyeing this new person.

"Oh, he's..." I trailed off, unsure of what to label him as. "He's a new friend," I eventually decided, "Just like you said."

She accepted my answer and, still smiling, threw a cheery wave over to him. "Welcome aboard!" The Charizard didn't come any closer, but I could see him relax just a bit. "So," Margo continued, returning her attention to me, "Where've you been? I haven't seen you in weeks." She chuckled a bit as she spoke. I knew she meant well, but her words twisted the, now familiar, knife of guilt into my stomach.

"It's a long story." I forced a laugh. Hoping to avoid any further questions, I changed the subject. "So, is... everyone else here as well?"

"Aye," she said, "They're all here. That little redhead has proved quite useful." Margo shot me a look that I didn't understand and thus, ignored.

"What are you all doing out here?"

She nodded toward the wagon and I noticed for the first time that it had tilted off the road. "One of our wheels broke so we have to fix that before we're going anywhere."

Now that I looked, I could see that one of the back wheels had been removed. I spotted Alex's familiar blond peak behind a thicket of bushes. Nobody had noticed our conversation yet, but Margo was quick to rectify that.

"Oi," she shouted. "We have a guest!"

Three heads appeared above the bushes and the next thing I knew I was being pulled into a bone-crushing hug. The sudden movement startled the Charizard who had been slowly creeping closer. He leapt back, wings flared, letting out a noise that was somewhere between a yelp and a growl. Alex was the only one who didn't seem to notice the agitated Pokemon behind me and hugged me tighter.

"Alex," I wheezed, "I can't... breathe."

"Sorry," he laughed, releasing me. "I'm just excited."

All three of them had been working on fixing the wagon. Raylian had pulled her hair back to keep it out of the way and, like Margo, their clothes were all stained with mud.

I received a friendly pat on the back from Todd and a proper gentle hug from Raylian. As I pulled away from her hug, I noticed her upper right arm was wrapped up in bandages.

"What happened?" I gasped.

"Oh, this?" she laughed nervously, wiping a bit of mud off the bandages. "Well, when you ran back into the forest, the Tyrantrum tried to go after you and it tore up my arm pretty bad."

She smiled at me but I hardly noticed. I reached out and gingerly touched the bandages as I fought back the wave of guilt that buried the knife deeper into my gut.

She must have seen my expression because she said gently, "Hey, don't feel bad." She placed her free hand over my own, "It doesn't hurt much anymore, and Alex told me it will make a really cool scar."

Over her shoulder, Alex nodded along with her statement and gave me an enthusiastic thumbs-up. Admittedly, this did cheer me up.

"So, what about you?" Raylian asked, trying to change the subject. "Where did you go? Where have you been?" She asked.

"That's the question of the day isn't it?" I laughed bitterly, grimacing at the repeated question.

She blinked and recoiled a little, taken aback by my reaction to the question. A moment later I saw the concern wash over her face. She excused us from the others and pulled me aside.

She shuffled her feet, looking a bit nervous, before asking, "Are you okay? What was that about?"

I shot a glance back at the wagon where Margo was shouting at the boys to get back to work. Then, with a sigh, I led her over to some slightly more solid ground and took a seat. She sat down across from me and waited. I toyed with the idea of lying to her but, ultimately, decided against it. As hesitant as I was to relay the whole story, I knew it was going to come out sooner or later. It might as well be now.

I folded my hands in my lap to hide the way they were shaking. And for the second time this week, I told the tale of how I had ended up where I was now. From the start, I had told myself that I wasn't going to share the details about Filemot. I had spent too much time avoiding that topic for the past few days. But as I told my story, the truth pushed at my conscience, building up tension until it was ready to snap. And as the pressure built in my head, it also built behind my eyes. In the end, telling her about Eren was what triggered the collapse.

Everything I'd been trying not to think about until now came tumbling out of me in a barely coherent wave. Tears streamed down my face and my voice shook worse than my hands as I vented about Team Elite, our attempted 'mission', my parents, and how much I wanted to just go home. Things that I had previously buried inside me resurfaced; even things that had seemed inconsequential until now came spilling out of me and only served to overwhelm me further.

I cried to Raylian about stranding Eren under the mountain, about abandoning her and the others during the ambush, about leaving the only place that had ever felt like a real home, and about how I had now deserted Eren for the second time. I even felt bad about neglecting my Pokemon on the way here.

Before I even finished, I felt Raylian wrap her arms around me and pull me forward into a comforting embrace. Sobbing, I buried my face in the soft fabric on her shoulder, finally allowing myself to dwell on my emotions. I was sure this breakdown had something to do with the fact that I had barely slept in almost three full days but at that moment it didn't matter. It felt good to cry. It felt even better to have a friend to hold me while I did.

I had no idea how long I stayed like that but when the tears finally stopped I felt empty... drained. My tears had mixed with the dried blood from my cut and had stained Raylian's shirt red in a few places. I didn't have the capacity to feel bad about it, though, so I just sat back and stared down at my hands.

"Do you feel better?" Raylian asked softly.

"Yeah," I admitted after a moment. I was dehydrated and in desperate need of tissues but, yeah, I felt better.

A few minutes later, the two of us were side-by-side, reclining on the shore of the lake. We listened to Margo and the boys fixing the wheel while I sipped on some water. Raylian was deep in thought. She stared out across the lake, chewing on her bottom lip.

Eventually, she spoke. "Your parents..." she started. I stiffened at the mention of them. "You never actually found them right? They're still missing?"

I took a slow sip from the water bottle, wondering what she was getting at. "Yeah, that's right."

"So, you'll never really know what happened until you find them." She shrugged, still staring out at the water. "A lot could have changed between then and now." I stayed silent. The thought of my parents still made me uncomfortable but I knew she was right. "Are you going to try and find them?" she pressed.

"No," I said flatly, "I'm going home."

"What?!" Raylian jerked upright and turned to look at me. "After all of this..." She gestured wildly around. "After everything you've seen, you're just going home?!" I could hear the hurt in her voice as she finished and I tried not to react to it.

"Yes." I refused to meet her eyes, instead, fixing my gaze on a smooth pebble between my feet.

Once she realized she wasn't going to get anything else out of me, she huffed and returned to her original position. Our silence resumed. The sun was still high in the sky, but even so, my lack of sleep was catching up with me and my eyelids began to drop. They snapped back open when Raylian spoke up once more.

"You never actually abandoned anyone, you know."

I snorted. "How do you figure?"

"Well, from what you told me about the mountain, it seems like that was the only option you had at the time." As she spoke, she shifted her weight onto one arm so she could face me. "And back in the woods, if you hadn't run when you did I could have gotten much worse than a little scratch." She tried to laugh, but it came out weak.

Without taking my eyes off the pebble, I replied, "What about Eren? I up and ditched him in Filemot, how is that not abandonment?" I winced as I said it but it was the truth.

"Well..." Raylian trailed off. Even she couldn't deny it. "Well, that's why you should come back with us." She perked up and I finally met her gaze. "Come with us back to Filemot," she repeated. "It will give you a chance to see him again. To apologize and make up it to him."

I remained unconvinced. "It's too soon." I shook my head, grimacing. "I'm not going back." I could see the desperation in her eyes as I turned my attention back to my pebble.

She was quiet for a whole minute and I believed she was going to give up but then she started again. "Your parents are still missing," she re-stated. A sarcastic retort flew to my tongue but I bit it back. "The last clue you have about them came from Filemot." I could feel her gaze searching my face, and without thinking, I turned to meet them. "Going back could be your only chance to find them."

Once again, I knew she was right. Part of me desperately wanted to stay. That part of me knew that going back would be a good thing, I'd have a new perspective and friends at my back. But I was nothing if not stubborn, so I said nothing. My silence gave Raylian all the answer she needed. Her face twisted with emotion, anger and hurt reflected in her expression.

"Fine," she whispered, turning sharply away. "Solferino Town isn't far. You can make it there before sundown if you go quickly."

I would be lying if I said her words hadn't hurt. I packed up all the same. Margo and the boys were aghast that I was leaving so soon, but I made my excuses. The Charizard and I were gone within the hour.

This time, I did not attempt to stop myself from thinking about anything while we walked. It was only after the wagon had fully disappeared from view that I began to truly doubt myself.

I couldn't shake the feeling that I was just running away from everything. I knew that this kind of behavior is exactly what led to my guilt-ridden breakdown earlier. I tried to pass it off as the result of a lack of sleep and days spent traveling, but that just wasn't true. The more I thought about it, the more certain I became that I would live to regret this. I pursed my lips and imagined myself back at home. I imagined how I would look back on this once I was safely out of the moment. I forced myself to stop walking. I knew what I had to do but I didn't want to do it. I balled my hands into fists and shouted a curse at the sky before turning on my heel and sprinting back the way we'd come.

The sun was sinking when we reached the place we'd been before. Panic gripped me when I saw that the wagon was no longer there. It faded, however, when I realized I could still see the wagon. It was even close enough for me to hear Margo's boisterous laughter. I smiled to myself and simply watched it for a moment. The Charizard stepped up beside me and I raised my head to look him in the eye. I didn't even have to ask to know he would follow me, even if I led him back to the manor.

"Thank you," I whispered, and together we took off after the wagon.