When the Cradle Falls

Chapter Twenty-Four: Shuffle off This Mortal Coil

In the quiet solitude of the chapel, a lone figure shifted on the wooden pew. Arms resting along the back the bench, the figure's hands were clamped together in a death grip, the skin white. A shaky breath, attempting to stabilize the individual, left an eerie echo around the oak room. The sound reverberated, and slowly faded into the floor, leaving a haunting ringing in the ears of the lone occupant of the room.

The soft ringing was driven back by a powerful gust of wind and and exploding sound of the French doors of the chapel slamming open against the walls. The figure jumped up, body tensing, hand reaching for a weapon hidden in a jacket pocket.

"Where is he? What happened Sam? My God, what happened?" The force that opened the doors with impressive strength was Alice Mercer. She stood in the entrance way of the hospital chapel. No makeup, hair a frizzy halo around her head. She wore a crumpled t-shirt, a cardigan falling down her shoulders, and jeans with a stain near the knee.

Sam scooted out of the pew he had been kneeling in and slowly approached her. "He's in the ICU." Sam took a deep breath.

Everything around Alice began to tilt, like it was being pushed sideways. "What happened?" she whispered quietly. On the phone, Sam had been frantic and simply told her Dean was in the hospital and that she should come immediately. He said things were not looking good. So she had dropped everything, called off work, and drove all the way to some town in Missouri.

"We were on a hunt. It was a Rawhead."

"A what?" There was still a part of her that couldn't believe the supernatural world was real, as she head never personally seen anything that could be classified as paranormal.

Sam blinked and took another shaky breath. He hated having to explain it to her. Watching it was traumatic enough, but having to recant it to someone near hysteria was another beast all in itself. "It's a monster that looks like a human with claws. They live underground or in basements and prey on children."

"And what happened?"

"The way to take down a Rawhead is to electrocute it."

Alice nodded stiffly, urging Sam to continue. She felt her jaw clenching, having an inkling of where this was going.

"We tracked it down to this house it was holing up in. We found the kids and then the thing showed up. I got them out while Dean went to fight the thing.

"When I-when I came back, he was unconscious and the Rawhead was dead. I found him in a puddle of water. He must have somehow fallen in the water when he was fighting the thing. They both got electrocuted.

"So I rushed him to the hospital and called you."

Striding forward, Alice grabbed Sam by the forearms, looking up at him. "No. There has to be more to it." He was refusing to make eye contact with her, looking back at the crucifix in the front of the chapel. "Sam."

Finally looking at Alice, she noticed his eyes were glistening. "The doctors said the electrocution triggered a massive heart attack,"

She gasped and pulled away.

"They said the heart attack weakened his heart."

"Sam," she said quietly.

"They said he has a month left, at the most."

She didn't faint; she remained somewhat conscious, but everything turned white for a minute and the room felt like it was spinning. Alice managed to throw herself into a pew before she could fall over from the shock. Hands gripping the pew in front of her, Alice was faintly aware of Sam calling her name, his hand on her shoulder.

Eye screwed shut, she took several deep breaths and finally opened her eyes to Jesus on the cross. It was a sight she had seen every Sunday for all of her childhood. It was a sight that usually brought her a certain level of comfort. Although her parents had forced religion down her throat, she had never completely rejected it. It was something she still tried to believe in, but it didn't bring her much comfort anymore.

Still feeling a disconnect from the information Sam had just told her, Alice leaned back and removed her grip on the pew in front of her.

"Alice, are you okay?"

"I need to see him," she muttered quietly.

"Sure. Yeah, I can take you."

Standing back, but still hovering nearby Sam watched as Alice slowly stood up. Moving like an arthritic old woman, she gripped every steady surface, a mixture of pain and numbness on her face as she navigated a world that had turned cold. Or maybe, the world had always been cold and she just hadn't noticed until now. Probably, just managed to forget at times.

As they exited the chapel, Alice looked back, catching a glimpse of the man who was the savior of his people, a man nailed to the cross as commanded by God.

Stepping into the waiting room of the empty ICU, Alice followed behind Sam as he went up to the reception desk. "We're here to see Dean Smith," Sam said.

Alice felt herself inwardly shudder. It was strange to hear him called something other than Dean Winchester. It filled her with ill-placed hope they were actually visiting a stranger, instead of the man she loved.

The receptionist pulled out a clipboard. She held it out to him but then drew it back at the last second. "Only immediate family is allowed in the ICU."

Sam nodded. He hadn't dealt with this receptionist yet. She obviously didn't know he had been there for nearly twenty-four hours already. "Yeah, I know. I'm his brother."

Nodding, she passed him the clipboard as he filled out his name and relation to the patient. He held the clipboard out to Alice who slowly approached the counter.

"And what's your relation to the patient, m'am?" The receptionist asked. It wasn't an impolite question or tone, but Alice felt herself locking up. The only thing that tied her to Dean were two children that were not there.

"His wife," Alice finally managed to choke out. She illegibly scribbled on the clipboard and handed it back to the receptionist.

Satisfied, the woman behind the desk motioned towards the door that led to the ICU. "He's in the second room on the right."

"Thank you," Alice choked. With the intent to move, she felt herself stuck in front of the desk. Hands reaching for the counter, she leaned forward on it, staring intensely at the receptionist. "Could our kids visit him?" She felt herself asking.

The receptionist attempted to gauge how old her kids would've been. Seeming to accurately recognize that Alice was in her late twenties, maybe early thirties, the woman responded accordingly. "Sorry. Only immediate family over eighteen is allowed in the ICU. Your children can visit him when he's moved to a different unit."

"Right." Hands slipping off the counter, Alice nearly smacked into Sam as she turned. Taking a stumbling step back, Sam gently grabbed her upper arm to steady her.

"Where are Cara and Noah?" Sam asked, releasing her arm.

"They're with my aunt," Alice supplied shortly, brain only seeing about three seconds in front of her as she walked.

"Okay. Sure. You ready?"

Alice didn't respond as they pulled open the door, entering the ICU.

They reached Dean's room and stopped right outside the door. It was slightly ajar, but still impossible to see anything in the room. Staring at the knob, Alice willed her hand to reach for it, but the nerve connections between her brain and muscles seemed to be severed.

Sam watched her quietly, not wanting to pull her from a reverie again. Since she had burst through the chapel doors, and Sam had told her, she seemed to be sleepwalking.

The shock of finding out Dean was going to die in a few weeks had evidently not worn off.

It hadn't really for Sam, yet.

"I'll give you a few minutes."

Alice took a hesitant step forward and reached for the handle. She looked back at Sam, knowing she should say something, but not knowing what to say.

"Just brace yourself, okay?" Sam asked in response.

Alice nodded and reached for the handle. Feeling the cold metal beneath her clammy, shaking hand,s he pushed the door open.

Yeah, it sucked he was going to die, but Dean figured he would get what was coming to him sooner than later-although much sooner that he would've liked. But dying young and bloody had been a closely held truth for most of his life. He'd seen so many hunters, some younger than him, some older, all go out in a spectacular blaze of glory.

Only dying in a weird-smelling hospital where none of the nurses were even hot wasn't really the blaze of glory he'd been expecting.

Scoffing at the exterminator commercial on the TV, Dean flipped channels only to be met by that fucking fabric softener teddy bear. "Oh, I'm gonna hunt that little bitch down," he swore maliciously, even if if was the last thing he ever did, the last thing he ever hunted.

As he said that, the door swung open and slammed shut loudly.

Alice's weight had collapsed against the door as she finally caught of glimpse of him. Never in her life had she ever seen him look weak or fragile. His skin was pale, almost as white as the sheets. Contrasted sharply with that were the nearly black half moons beneath his eyes.

Alice was used to seeing unwell people every day at work. However, she worked in the rehabilitation wing, in which there was a typically positive outlook for the patients: that they would recover.

She wasn't used to seeing patients with such a damning prognosis.

But it was an entirely separate entity to see someone she loved in the situation.

Dean finally noticed who was there. Pleased to see it wasn't the doctor to remind him he was going to die, or Sam who kept saying there was no way in hell he was going to die, Dean smiled. "Hey babe. Aren't you a sight for a dead man walking."

Any semblance of decorum or strength blown away, Alice threw herself to the side of his bed, knees hitting the tile ground like a sinner praying to God. She grasped his pale, clammy hand in both of hers and buried her head in the crisp sheets on the bed.

Dean felt her hands shaking in his and his weakened heart constricted. He'd thought about her and the kids a lot, but actually seeing Alice alerted to the fact he'd have to die and exist without her-wherever he went after death, if anywhere. "Come on, don't cry. I didn't mean it like that," he tried to say lightly, trying to sound confident and relaxed. He wasn't scared of dying, but he sure as hell didn't want to leave her behind.

Hearing a dying man telling her it would be okay was enough for Alice to painfully swallow her tears, mid-sob. Like she had multiple personalities, Alice straightened and abruptly turned to a calmer demeanor. Tears were still coming from her eyes, but she forced herself to be a rock.

"You shouldn't have to tell me that," she sniffled, roughly running the back of her sleeve along her nose.

Dean shrugged, at a loss of words for what to say to her. He just stared at her.

Alice took a seat on the edge of the bed, regripping his hand. ""You can't leave me yet," she whispered. Her eyes stung, the tears threatening to spill out again. "You still owe me a hunt."

"You don't want to go on a hunt. That's what got me killed." Dean looked down at their entwined hands.

"You promised me. And you're not dead yet."

"I'm sorry."

Alice recollected herself, not wanting to make him feel guilty. "Don't be sorry. You save people for a living. You're a hero."

Dean scoffed and leaned back into the pillows the not-hot nurse had set up for him. "I'm no hero. Don't ever mistake me for one."

"Dean-"

A rush of anger went through Dean. "Don't make me a martyr just because I'm gonna die!"

Feeling like she was slapped in the face, Alice retracted her hand and went to stand by the window. She pushed the curtains open so sunlight streamed into the darkened room. With crossed arms, Alice focused on the sun, trying to convince herself that was why she was crying.

Dean stared at Alice's back. "Allie…" He watched her stiffen at the nickname, but she didn't turn.

"I've made peace with the fact I'm gonna die. It sucks, but it's the natural order of things. You're gonna be fine, Allie." She would be fine. She'd been fine before, she'd be fine again. At least this time when he left her, he was morbidly comforted that she knew better than to wait around for him.

Alice felt her teeth grind at his reasoning. She would be fine? Did he forget what his leaving had done to her the first time. He didn't know the extent of the damage, but every time he left her, a small piece of her heart chipped away, leaving icy emptiness in it's place.

Dean continued. "You're strong. And you're a great mother. You're gonna make it through this. And one day, maybe you'll wake up and not even think about me." As much as he hated everything he was saying, he believed it would help her.

Hand coming up to cover her quivering chin, Alice turned so she could see Dean from the side. "Don't. Don't do that. Don't tell me how I should feel, cause you know you're wrong. How would you feel if I was the one in that bed?"

He'd do everything he could to save her. "I'd hate it."

"Now you know what it's like."

They were silent for a moment and Dean mentally cursed when the fabric softener commercial came on again. "You know, for a nurse, you have a horrible bedside manner."

Another beat of silence followed, and it took even longer for Alice to realize what he was saying. For a moment, she thought he was serious until she recognized his thinly veiled attempt to hide his signature shit-eating grin.

"Oh, I forgot you think you're funny," Alice responded with a watery laugh.

"You can't even humor me. Not even when I'm on my death bed."

Shaking her head fondly at how carefree he could be, she returned to his side, pulling up a chair shoved in the corner. "I think Cara and Noah should come visit you."

Dean looked out the window, noting the bright day. "They're not here, are they?"

She nodded. "They're with Jan. I dropped everything as soon as Sam called me."

"You really think it's a good idea?"

Alice frowned, offended for a moment. "Leaving them with Jan or dropping everything to come see you?"

"No. Bringing the kids to see me."

"Don't you want to see them?"

"Of course I do. But do you really want them to see me like this?"

"They should."

But Dean wasn't so sure.

He loved his kids and wanted to see them one last time, but didn't want them scarred for life.

God.

He was such a hypocrite. Just a few months ago after telling Alice, he had vaguely told Cara and Noah the world was a terrible, cold place. It was a place where their parents let them down, and bad things happened, and they weren't allowed to be afraid.

"Fine. Bring 'em," he muttered gruffly.

"Okay. I'll call Jan to drive up."

Only a few moments later, it appeared Dean had fallen asleep. Chest clenching at how fragile he looked, Alice placed a light kiss on his lips before drawing the curtains shut. She quietly shut the door behind him, leaving him to sleep.

After a difficult conversation with Dean's doctor, and a call to Jan to bring the kids, Alice found herself kneeling on the hard floor of the chapel. In the front of the small sanctuary, Alice's arms were draped over the altar as she cried into the white cloth with a golden cross woven into it.

She knew it was frowned upon and highly sacrilegious to be so frivolous and disrespectful with an altar-it was a direct insult to God-but she hoped it would make her feel closer, give her a tiny speck of faith.

There was no concept of time has she clung to the symbol of the faith her childhood was built on. As Alice was contemplating that foundation, a hand gently cupped her shoulder.

Sitting up rigidly, Alice turned and acknowledged she was no longer alone. Behind her was an elderly woman wearing a khaki skirt, pink cardigan, pantyhose, and kitten heels. A white veil was loosely draped over her gray permed hair. Alice noticed a golden crucifix hidden partially under the veil.

Letting go of the cloth on the altar, Alice stood up and smoothed out the fabric. She wiped her eyes and guiltily turned towards the woman. "Sorry, m'am. If you want privacy to pray, I'll leave."

Smiling kindly, the woman indicated Alice to follow her into the first row of the pews.

A bit timidly, Alice slid in first and stared straight ahead as the woman joined her and held out a veiny hand for the younger woman to shake. "Sister Annelisa."

Surprised by the fact the woman was a nun, Alice felt even more shameful. "Oh I can't believe you caught me on the altar. I-"

"What's your name?" Sister Annelisa asked.

"Alice." She shut her mouth after that.

Sister Annelisa nodded and looked up at the altar. "What's troubling you?"

Knowing better than to lie to a woman of God-she couldn't even if she wanted to-Alice swallowed her pride and felt herself telling the woman. "The man I love is dying." She was careful with the wording.

The nun nodded solemnly, as if mulling over what to say next. "I'm sorry. Your husband must be so young. It must be difficult."

Alice felt herself stiffen. She doesn't know you're not married. She doesn't need to know. Is it a sin if the nun doesn't know you're lying? "He's not my husband!" Alice blurted, feeling like the woman knew she was lying. "I don't really know what we are. We don't live together but we've loved each other for over a decade. Put me down for teen mom, two kids out of wedlock. Who knows how many sins that is-"

"Have you gone to confession?"

Alice froze. "What?"

"Have you gone to confession?"

Alice shook her head. "In my heart, I'm sorry. I have been. But no. I haven't gone." Had it really been since before she left Broken Bow that she'd gone to confession?

"You need to go. Confess your sins to you can let go of them. God wants to forgive you, you need to let Him." Sister Annelisa stared at Alice's profile. "May I ask when was the last time you went to confession?"The nun asked, as if reading her mind.

"Over a decade."

"Why do you think it's been so long?"

Alice shrugged. "Because I can't feel Him anymore."

"Him? As in God?"

Alice nodded. "When I was younger, I was so sure He was there, but now, I don't know."

Sister Annelisa pondered that. "It's easy to believe when we're innocent. But it seems the older we get, the more cynical we become, our use for God is cast aside. He serves no purpose in a life where bad things happen to us. Because how can an almighty being that allegedly loves us more than anything stand back and watch as terrible things happen?"

It was so strange for a nun to admit a shakiness in faith. Alice's own mother would've chasisted her if Alice were to tell her her faith was shaking. Because apparently Sherry Mercer had never wavered in her faith and the idea someone else could was insulting.

"It's not that I don't believe in Him. It's just...has He always been so cold? I can accept that bad things happen to good people if there's no order to life, but I don't feel His love. I'm not asking for a miracle. Just a sign…"

"He gives us signs all the time. The beauty of life alone is a sign."

It seemed the two had finally hit a wall. "Not the life I've seen," Alice whispered quietly. Not what she was seeing now.

"Can I tell you a story?" The nun asked.

Reluctantly, Alice nodded, clenched her hands together, as one would in prayer.

Sister Annelisa's veiny hand clutched the golden crucifix she wore. "I'm of the Romani people," she said.

"A gypsy?" Alice found herself asking.

"Yes. That's right. I don't know exactly where I was born. I suspect Croatia or Slovenia, maybe even Hungary. My family roamed Europe until I was about twelve or thirteen. We were unfortunate enough to stumble into Poland in the year 1939."

Alice immediately knew the significance of the date. She knew where this tale was headed.

"As you can probably guess, that's the year Hitler invaded Poland. Very quickly my little community, family, was rounded up and thrown into a ghetto. But not me. There was a kind Italian couple visiting their family at an unfortunate time. They agreed to pretend I was their daughter. They took me to Italy and eventually I found my way to America.

"I never saw the horrors my family undoubtedly saw. But once I came to America, I knew my family was dead. I don't know what kind of hells they went through, but I couldn't believe God would allow so many people to be killed. My people.

"I struggled a long time, Alice, but eventually, I devoted myself to God."

"But why? Why do you give your entire life to someone who created so much evil in the world?"

"It seems you're mistaken. God is not the one that created evil. That is sin."

"No. I mean evil beyond people. Monsters." Alice gasped quietly when she realized what she'd said.

"Yes. That's the devil at work."

"Why won't God save us from that?" Alice asked quietly. She felt like a small child, huddled under the blanket.

"He already has. If I may be frank, it seems that you've lost sight of what the Lord truly is. Perhaps you should take some time and reflect. It think it will bring you peace."

"But it won't bring the man I love peace."

Sister Annelisa sighed. "The Lord will show mercy."

What a line, Alice sneered inside her head. Shaking the tears from her lashes, she looked sideways. Perhaps there was a hardened, toughened spirit in that women that had been touched by the Holy Spirit. It was a force Alice wondered if she had actually ever felt, or if she had just fooled herself into thinking she had.

Deciding for the moment she was done worrying about a spirit in the sky, she decided she could make the woman in front of her feel like she'd accomplished something.

"You're right, Sister. I need to reflect. I'm not thinking very clearly right now. Perhaps I just need some time."

A look of relief flooded over the nun's face. She patted Alice's hand and shuffled out of the pew. "Dear, if you need anything, I'll be around. God bless."

Alice tried to smile, but it came out as a grimace. "You too."

Sister Annelisa slipped out the door of the chapel.

When the only sound left was the soft echo from the closing door, Alice kneeled, a motion she had done so many times, it was embedded into her muscles. She rest her forehead on rested hands, looking much like any normal church goer.

However, as a faithful-or even hopeful-person would have prayed, her mind was blank.

Sam angrily slammed his phone shut. With clenched teeth, he silently cursed their father. He wasn't surprised by John's radio silence, but it still made him angry, nonetheless.

Thinking about simpler times at Stanford and with Jess, Sam was sharply pulled out of his reverie by a knock at the door.

Springing up quickly, he reached for a nearby gun and slowly moved towards the door. Cautiously opening the door, Sam was shocked to see Dean slumped against the outside of the motel room, wearing a black hoodie, and as white as a ghost.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Sam asked. He pulled Dean into the room before his brother could fall over.

"I checked myself out," Dean said simply, going to sit down in a chair.

"What, are you crazy?"

Dean scoffed. "I'm not gonna die in a hospital where the nurses aren't even hot."

Sam scoffed. "Where the hell is Alice?"

Looking slightly guilty, Dean gave a sheepish smile. "Probably at the hospital."

Sam threw his hands up in exasperation. "Does she know you're here?"

"Probably not."

Just then, Sam's phone started buzzing. As if in tune to their conversation, Sam answered Alice's call and quickly explained to the frantic woman Dean was safe at the motel room. He gave her the address. She tearfully and angrily said she'd be there in a few minutes.

"Nice, Dean. You could've at least told her."

Dean coolly ignored him.

"You know, this whole I-laugh-in-the-face-of-death thing? It's crap. I can see right through it. Alice can too. I'm guessing that's why you ditched her at the hospital."

"Good for you, Miss Cleo. By the way, you get to meet Alice's crazy aunt."

Sam frowned. "Who?"

"Jan? Janet Sutton? 'Seven years a widow?'"

Sam looked at his brother as if he were insane. "Her aunt's coming?"

"Yep. Bringing Cara and Noah."

Sam scrunched his nose. "You think that's a good idea?"

"Sue me if I wanna see my kids before I get put in the ground."

"Dean, you're not gonna die. We still have options."

"Sam, I'm not having this discussion again-"

"I've been scouring the Internet for days. Calling every contact in Dad's journal."

"For what?"

Suddenly, there was a continuous, angry pounding at the door. Immediately knowing it was Alice, Sam slid the door open for her and quickly got out of the blast zone.

"You asshole," Alice hissed. Her face was red, hair wild, and dried trails of tears were etched onto her cheeks. Her hands were gnarled into fists-it was a wonder she was able to remove her hands from the steering wheel. Wanting to spew more venom at Dean, she took in his weakened appearance once again and slumped against the wall, tears threatening again. "God I've cried enough today," she lamented, hand placed to her forehead.

"Alice, you okay?" Sam asked quietly. Dean stared at her in silence.

Waving him off, she went and sat on one of the beds. "I can't believe myself," she muttered. "First I lie to a nun and then I almost yell at someone who's going to die-"

"You lied to a nun?" Dean suddenly asked, amused.

Snapping her head up, Alice glared at him. Feeling like a chastised little kid, he looked down, hiding the smile on his face.

"For the record, your children are gonna be here in an hour. Time really flies when you're escaping from hospitals."

"I didn't escape. I signed myself out. I'm a grown ass man. I can do what I want."

Alice glared at him again, eyes red.

Attempting to appease her, Dean muttered he was sorry once again. Sam couldn't help but lightly chuckle at the two. They argued like a couple married for more than fifty years. The smile slid off Sam's face when he realized Dean wasn't even supposed to make it by the end of the month.

"I thought you died," Alice muttuered. "I went back to your room and you were gone, bed made, room spotless like there was ever there."

Sam glared at his brother accusatorily.

"Sorry babe. But honestly, I don't know how the hell you can work in a place like that." Dean paused for a moment. "But I guess your hospital at least has hot nurses," he said with a smirk.

She couldn't stop herself from blushing. When he talked to her like that, she would always feel like a shy teenage girl who was hearing those words for the first time from a mysterious boy with a bad reputation. "Yeah right," she said lightly, turning away so he wouldn't see her reaction.

The tension in the room diffused as much as it could. There wasn't much conversation as the three passively watched television. Usually, silence didn't bother Sam, but every few seconds he would glance over at his father's journal, left open on the table. Standing up, he made a show of yawning, quickly tucking the journal in his jacket pocket. "I'm starved. You guys want some food?"

"No thank you, Sam. I think we're okay," Alice said.

"Don't eat too much. We'll go out to eat with the kids and Jan when you get back, yeah?" Dean asked. "I'd die for a burger about now."

Alice's jaw ticked at his phrasing. "You sure you're okay to go out? We can order food-"

"Nah, let's get out of this jail cell."

"Right, well I'll be back in a little bit," Sam said, closing the door behind him. He pulled out the leather bound journal.

He had work to do

Cara and Noah had been quiet. Besides arguing about who got to sit shotgun the last leg of the trip, they were busy looking out the window. A Patsy Cline song was softly coming from the speakers as Jan pulled up to the Valley View Motel. What appeared to be a pay-by-the-hour joint, Jan put the car in park and pulled the keys from the ignition. She spotted her niece sitting on a curb stop in front of one of the motel room doors.

"Why don't you kids wait here?" Jan asked softly as she exited the car.

She slowly approached Alice and took a seat on the pavement beside her. She rubbed the younger woman's back. "You alright?"

Alice shrugged. "I really don't wanna cry anymore."

"Baby, I still cry sometimes," Jan offered, referring to her late husband. He'd been gone for nearly seventeen years, and she still missed him everyday.

Alice quickly glanced at her aunt in shock. Jan cried? It never occurred to Alice that the woman was anything but-maybe not carefree- light hearted. It was rare for Jan to even be slightly irritated, but even when she was, there was always a playful aspect to the woman.

"What am I gonna do?" Alice asked, staring at the palms of her hands.

Jan flicked some hair over her shoulder. "You're gonna do what you gotta do."

Looking up, Alice noticed Cara and Noah impatiently peering through the front windshield. Cara had climbed from the back seat and was now sitting in the driver's seat, Noah beside her in the passenger seat. She felt herself smiling, but then felt her heart clench when she remembered she had to tell the kids their father was dying.

"I'll leave you to it. Gonna pop in there real quick to say hi to him." Jan squeezed Alice's shoulder, slowly opening the motel room door.

Dean decided American daytime television wasn't as bad as it seemed. He was currently watching an old rerun of Jeopardy!

"Who is Sergio Leone!" He yelled enthusiastically in a hoarse voice.

"Known for his spaghetti westerns?"

"Jan? Janet Sutton?"

The older woman smirked as she shut the door. She moved to stand over his bed and crossed her arms. "Dying has not been kind to you, son. You look terrible."

Dean felt himself laugh. "You look great, Jan. Not a day over fifty."

"It's my radiating, sunny personality." Jan let out a sigh as she sat down on the edge of the bed. "How you feeling, Winchester?"

"Tired," he replied honestly.

She nodded her head sadly. "I'm sorry, Dean. Truly, I am."

He shrugged. "But not unexpected. You know that better than most."

Jan nodded. She'd had more than a few close calls over the years, but overall, she'd been incredibly lucky, at least in terms of surviving more than three decades of hunting. "You're a good man. And a good father. I'm so glad you came looking for Alice." She squeezed his shoulder. "I think Al is gonna bring the kids in in a minute, so I'll give you four some time."

"Hey Jan?" Dean called, as Jan was about to depart.

She turned, hand on the doorknob.

"Will you do me a favor and look out for them?"

She nodded. "Of course."

After being beckoned from the car, Cara and Noah slowly approached their mother. She stood up and pulled both of them into a tight hug, their arms constricting around her torso as they held on for dear life.

"What happened?" Cara demanded.

"Yeah, Aunt Jan wouldn't tell us anything. And she was just there picking us up from school…" Noah added.

"She said something was wrong with Dad?" Cara continued.

Signalling them to stop and take a breath, Alice crouched down so she was at their level. "I need you two to listen to me because I have something important to tell you."

"Mom what's going on?" Noah asked quietly.

Trying to plaster a reassuring smile on her face, Alice grabbed each of their hands. She opened her mouth, but her mouth froze.

"Mom, what?" Cara growled, starting to get anxious.

"Dad got hurt. Really bad."

Noah felt himself staring past his mother, trying to process what she said.

"What happened?" Cara asked, quieter.

"He had a heart attack." Alice's voice caught in her throat. "The doctor's said he only has a month to live."

There was the sound of silence like they'd been slapped in the face.

"He's gonna die in a month?" Cara managed incredulously.

Alice nodded.

"But why us? Why does everything happen to us?" Cara asked, demanding an answer her mother didn't have.

You have no idea, baby, Alice thought as she clutched Cara's hand tighter.

"I don't know. Sometimes bad things happen. I'm sorry I don't have the answers."

Cara remembered the words her father had told her. That bad things would always happen, people would let her down, and there was nothing she could do about it.

And to seal all that information, she was plunged into a pond that purified her of any innocence she'd had.

After carefully watching how her mother was trying hard not to cry, Cara figured she could at least do the same. For everyone's sake.

"Okay."

Meanwhile, Noah was having a hard time seeing straight. Ever since their Aunt Jan had been there to pick them up from the bus stop, he felt like he was in a dream, like there was a part of him that didn't believe his reality was actually real. He knew if he opened his mouth to say something, the dream would either shatter and he would wake up from the nightmare, or nothing would change and he would still be standing in his own personal hell. If he could keep himself in a state of disbelief, he couldn't be hurt. So that's what he would do.

"So Dad's in the room. He's really pale and looks sick. Be gentle when you hug him because he's pretty weak. Okay?"

Cara swallowed and could feel herself turning green. Noah nodded robotically, mouth clamped shut.

Jan emerged from the room as Alice stood up. Nodding at her niece, Jan jingled her keys at Cara and Noah, giving them an encouraging smile. She hopped in her car and pulled out of the parking lot.

Once her car had disappeared from sight, the trio apprehensively stared at the motel room door. Alice glanced back at her children and wished with everything she had they didn't have to see their father like this. She knew she had been the one to insist they see him. She wanted them to get a chance to see goodbye. I hate this I hate this I hate this. They shouldn't have to do this, Alice thought. In a last ditch attempt, she glanced up at the sky. God, please. For once give me strength. Give me a whisper you're there.

Cara furiously massaged her right palm with her left thumb. Realizing what she was doing, she dropped her hands to her sides and tried to make herself appear less nervous. She tried to take a steadying breath but found it only make her chest feel heavier. Like there was no oxygen left in the world, she felt like she was drowning for a moment. You don't get to cry. Don't you cry. Don't be a baby. They've got enough to worry about without you crying, Cara internally chastised herself.

Noah stared at his mother and sister and felt himself lurching forward as he followed them towards the door. When that door opened, he suspected he would wake up. After all, this had to be a dream. Men in their twenties didn't just drop dead from a heart attack, especially his father. Dean Winchester was invincible. You should probably wake up; you've been asleep for a long time. Wake up, it's just a bad dream, Noah convinced himself as the motel door swung open.

Blinking rapidly, Noah looked around in confusion. He wasn't in bed or even dozing off in class. He was in a motel room with stained wallpaper and peeling furniture. In one of the collapsed beds was his father, looking sickly and weak and so young.

Noah felt his stomach doing flip flops as he watched Dean struggle to sit up straighter, and Alice rush over to help him.

The brother and sister stood woodenly in the doorway of the room, watching their father be propped against some pillows. Neither had ever seen him as anything but strong. Neither of them knew how to react.

When he was properly sat up against the headboard, Dean hesitantly eyed his children. "Hey guys," he said quietly, trying to keep his voice light.

Bad things certainly did happen. And this was the bad thing their father had been referring to.

"Hi Dad," Cara responded, voice nearly breaking. She watched as he raised his arms. They shook.

Lip quivering, Cara moved forward first. Upon reaching her father, she wrapped her arms around his torso and placed her cheek on his chest, feeling his heartbeat in her ear. It sounded strong, but that was a lie. His arms tightened around her, and Cara finally felt a tear escape from her burning eyes.

"I'm sorry, Daddy," she admitted in a quiet voice.

"For what?" Dean murmured, arms tightening across her back.

"For being so mean whenever you came over." All the times she'd been cold or awful to him flashed through her mind. She had wanted to guard her own heart, but had ended up actually wounding both of theirs in the process. She didn't take advantage of the precious time she'd had with him, and now it was too late. "I do miss you when you're gone, even though I don't act like it."

Instantly wishing he'd spent more time with them, Dean cradled the back of her head with one hand. "You don't have to be sorry, sweetheart."

The two stayed there for several minutes, before Cara eventually pulled away. Wiping her eyes with the back of her sleeve, she went to stand next to her red eyed mother, who had managed to ward off her tears for now. Alice wrapped an arm around her daughter.

"No."

At the sound of his nickname, the young boy was pulled out of his internal crisis. I'm going to respond. And as soon as I talk, I'll know this isn't a dream.

"Yeah, Dad?" Noah hesitantly echoed as the illusion that everything was fine shattered around him.

"You alright?"

Noah marveled his father would ask that, even though Dean was the one laying in bed, hardly able to move because he was so weak.

"Yeah. I just-"

"Come here," Dean ordered lightly.

Forcing himself to move forward, Noah stepped over the invisible shards of his protective fantasy and and awkwardly stood next to the bed.

Dean held out his arms like he had done with Cara. "It's okay. You're not gonna break me."

Stiffly, Noah moved forward and gave Dean a hesitant hug.

The longer Noah stood there, the more he felt himself shaking. He couldn't control it, and after a few seconds, he was full out sobbing. He locked his arms around his father's neck and cried unabashedly. "This isn't real. This can't be real," Noah muttered to himself over and over again, and he continually realized he wasn't going to wake up from a bad dream.

He was living the nightmare.

The nightmare had become his life.

Dean held his son while he cried, and for the first time since finding out he was going to die, the man actually felt tears forming in the corner of his eyes. He could handle some tears, but to watch his son break down completely made Dean wish he didn't have to leave. Looking up over the top of his son's head, Dean watched as Alice approached and wrapped her arms around the two.

From the corner of the room, Cara watched her family for a moment before joining the huddle. Dean and Alice both removed their arms to envelope their daughters. From either side, they clung to their children.

The quartet stayed there, clinging to one another, afraid to let go. For once they let go, that would mark the end of an era.

It would mark the beginning of the end.

Hope you enjoyed! I hope to have the second part of this chapter up soon!