When Captain Levi sits down at the mess hall table that night, immediately everyone knows something is wrong.
The first tell is that the squad saw him talking to the Commander when they returned from training. When the Commander pulls Levi aside to speak to him, they usually continue their discussion upstairs or seated at the same table.
Another (much more prominent) tell is that Levi is pissed. It's almost impossible to tell because he always looks pissed, but when they see him with his brows slightly more furrowed than usual, Petra mops up Auruo's spilled drink and Erd hastily dusts down the tabletop. They all avoid his gaze as he approaches and slams his tray down aggressively, pretending to be engaged in meaningful (or in Petra and Auruo's case, meaningless) chatter. The Captain speaks when he wants to. If he'll even tell them. If he notices that Erd and Gunther discuss weeks-old maneuvers or that Petra and Auruo talk on and on about the shape of turnips until Auruo's voice goes high, he says nothing. Probably would've gone on about turnips the entire night if the Captain didn't clear his throat.
"So." He places his empty teacup down, rattling the saucer. He sounds as disinterested as usual but he gazes away from them all, into a corner of the room. Immediately, all four of them sit to attention. Gunther sees the concealed concern shifting over his comrade's faces and mentally prepares for the worst. Drastic budget cuts, a shift in the ranks-
"Dancing. Any of you know how to….dance?" He speaks as if the word is unfamiliar and heavy in his mouth.
A beat. One beat of stunned silence and the Captain glares at them all, as if the thought of him asking them for dance lessons on his own accord pains him to his very core. "Erwin says that at the stupid fucking galas, nobles expect you to dance with them. A stupid rich people thing. They have nothing better to do with their time. He says I need to learn." He goes for another sip of tea before remembering that he's already drained his cup. At this moment, Petra would've jumped up to prepare another one, but she's as surprised as the rest of them. "Ballroom dancing?" Petra clarifies tentatively.
"No, it's fucking ballet. Yes, ballroom dancing."
Another beat, but this time the four of them are trying desperately, desperately hard not to laugh. The thought is absurd. Their surly, scowling Captain needing dance lessons. A man who possesses the utmost control over his body, worried about mucking up a simple step. Teaching someone like their captain to dance would be the most awkward thing imaginable.
Erd turns away quickly, a quiet snicker escaping the corner of his lips. Petra covers her mouth and disguises a giggle as a cough. Auruo bites down on his tongue hard in the process, although Gunther suspects that was accidental. Gunther, however, keeps silent during this... admittedly embarrassing request. Part of it is respect for his captain; if the rest of them will be immature about it to their captain, he won't be. A bigger part of it is he is silently running through his memories of every person he might've ever mentioned a specific part of his family too. Fuck, why did he have to start rambling about his life story after a few drinks?
"Erd danced at his wedding." Petra throws out quickly. She's shaking with silent laughter, held together by her fingers clenching the underside of her chair.
"I was drunk!" Erd protests, glaring at her. "Besides, I've seen you dance at taverns."
"I was drunk!"
"Well, I've seen Auruo dance with his little sister." Erd continues, itching to crawl out from under the carriage Petra threw him under.
"He wasn't drunk but he sucked." Petra says before Auruo can interject.
"So what I'm hearing is none of you can help me." The captain says impatiently. "That's all I needed to know. Now shut up." He delivers especially chilly glares to Petra and Erd, and the two quiet instantly.
I'm safe. Gunther almost soars with relief. It takes everything in him not to grin. But Erd is staring at him now, with that infuriating look where he looks like he has you in the palm of his hand. That stupid eyebrow quirk-
"Actually," Erd begins, and Levi focuses on him while Gunther kicks his legs under the table as discreetly as he can. He hopes his eyes can clearly convey shut up you blond bastard, but if they can't then he's certain his feet will.
"Gunther told me once that his sister used to be a proper dancer. Professional."
Sister. Used to be. He prays those are the key words that click in the captains mind. The Captain's gaze shifts to Gunther, almost seeming to size him up.
"Gunther, didn't you tell me once that before she broke her leg, you would practice her dancing with her?"
Oh, Erd had better watch it the next time they went beyond the walls. Accidental ODM grabs on other people happened all the time. "It was...ballet. Not ballroom." Gunther mutters under his breath.
"Ah, but ballet dancers need to train ballroom as well, don't they? Before they start ballet."
Accidental ODM grabs on other people happened all the time in training as well, don't they? No, training was too far away. He would cut Erd's ridiculous long hair off while he slept. Maybe his throat after that.
"Truly, Gunther?" Petra giggles.
"No! Not...really. Look, I just watched her!" He says desperately. He doesn't know anything. He doesn't know how to dance. The fact that he knows the difference between a foxtrot and a quickstep is purely coincidental.
The captain stares at Gunther. It's impossible to know what he's thinking. "Don't I always tell you idiots that observing is one of the best ways to learn? Do you never listen?"
The breath leaves Gunther's body. He can't be serious.
He considers himself to be a level-headed person. Usually. He's a team player. Really. He'll never turn down a request from his superior. Always.
But this is absurd. It's embarrassing. It's next level mortifying.
"Oi, do you think I want to be doing this bullshit? It's either one of you or Mike." The strained look on his face says everything his mouth doesn't. The image of Levi practicing ballroom dancing with Squad Leader Mike briefly flashes through his mind and it almost makes him forget the sheer horror of the situation.
The captain pushes his chair back and stands. "Come on."
"Sir, you're serious?" Gunther splutters. The captain gives him a look that he is, indeed, serious.
The goddesses must be cackling. Gunther was pitying the poor soul who had to teach their captain, stupidly assuming Petra would take the fall (though she would gladly enjoy that situation,) failing to remember that he spilled his entire family history to Erd when they decided to get smashed.
At least Erd doesn't get the satisfaction of seeing them...dance. Levi looks as pained as Gunther feels.
On the way out of the room, he throws Erd the nastiest glare he can. The fucking sellout has the biggest shit-eating grin on his face. Petra and Auruo stare after them in disbelief.
The captain kicks open the door of a big supply room where the cracker rations are usually kept. The Commander was waiting on a big shipment to arrive before they embark on the next expedition, so the room was empty. Dusty, too, because no one ever bothered to clean it. Levi sniffs in disgust at the room. "Shitty. But it'll do." He crosses his arms and Gunther knows he's trying hard not to glare at him. It's not Gunther's fault, not really, and he knows it. "Well? Are you going to show me?"
"Uh, yes. Yes. Okay." He takes a deep breath, pressing down the sheer awkwardness of the situation. It was just an order. From a superior. Fine. Fine. He gets them all the time. Fine.
His sister had said once that things are only awkward if you let it be awkward.
"Are you the boy or the... girl?"
"Do you think I would be dancing with other men, Gunther?"
"Right. Right. Sorry."
Oh, Gunther can try as hard as he likes but there is no saving this from being the most awkward, cringy, time-consuming thing he has ever done in his entire life.
Levi holds out his hands gingerly. Gunther swallows and takes his right hand, murmuring an apology. The captain's height - or lack thereof- is painfully obvious right now. He motions for the captain to put his other hand on his back, staring at the ceiling and wondering where he went wrong in life. "If it's just simple ballroom, a box step should be fine."
The captain says nothing in response, keeping his eyes turned towards the ceiling. Gunther doesn't think he's seen him look this uncomfortable before. Gunther steps his right foot backwards diagonally, trying to keep the most distance as someone possibly can while holding hands. "Step your left foot forward to mine. The man leads."
Levi steps his left foot forward tensely. Gunther cautiously moves his left foot sideways. "Uh, you'll need to move your feet at the same time as me."
It's painful, watching the captain dance. He moves as if his legs are wood and he has a pole strapped to his spine. For someone so fluid in battle, it's almost laughable. Wisely, Gunther keeps that to himself.
They're only halfway through Gunter's box step tutorial when the door to the supply room bursts open. On impulse they push away from each other immediately as Petra creeps into the room, holding a tray laden with a steaming teapot and empty mugs.
"Sorry, sirs!" Petra chirps. "I just thought you might need a drink."
Wordlessly, Levi pours himself a drink. Gunther grins at her gratefully. Levi drains his cup, and then after another, he steps back and turns to Gunther. Petra's dismissal is clear in his stance.
Petra lingers far longer than it should take for someone to deliver tea. Moving like she's wading through slime, she inspects the wall, ceiling, floor, taking in every detail in a way to make it seem like she's not obviously looking at them.
She's also obviously not holding in her laughter.
Levi sighs heavily. "Out, Petra."
She jumps. "Sorry sir!" The door shuts gently behind her.
Gritting his teeth, Levi holds out his arms again. As Gunther reaches for his hand, the door slams open.
"Oh. So sorry!" Erd says apologetically, holding up his hands. "Didn't think would be anyone here. I've misplaced my cloak. Can't remember where I put it."
"Why the fuck would it be in the storeroom, Erd?" Levi says flatly. "Go away."
"Right, sir. Of course. On it."
Gunther glares at the back of his head as Erd retreats to the doorway. Very slowly. He takes his time to rummage through an open chest - that Gunther knows is empty - and keeps his eyes level with them.
"I will make you scrub this entire compound from top to bottom, Erd." Levi snaps. "Get. Out."
He grabs Erd's collar roughly and drags him to the door, throwing him out into the hallway and slamming the door so hard behind him that the frame rattles. He drags a hand down his face, exhaling heavily through his nose. "Fucking idiots."
"Agreed, sir." Gunther says quietly.
"God. What's the rest of the stupid step? I want to finish this as soon as possible."
Agreed, sir, Gunter says privately in his head. He runs through the rest of it quickly. Levi watches his feet and slowly steps through the motions himself.
There's a thumping noise nearing the storeroom. It takes him a second to realise it's fast, frantic footsteps.
Squad Leader Hanji suddenly barrels down the door. She takes in the scene with unabashed glee and howls with laughter.
"There you are! I almost didn't believe it when I heard it. I didn't even think it was possible for someone as grumpy as Levi to dance! Fascinating, isn't it?"
"Hanji-"
"What're you teaching him, Gunther? I never would've thought Levi would need to learn anything physical! Has he picked it up himself at all? Mind if I sit and take notes?"
"Shut-"
"Say, are you going to teach him the lifts? Overhead? How long can he hold you for? Try it right now; toss him up in the air, Levi! I got my notebook out ready-"
Levi storms over to her and tugs on her hair so tightly Gunther expects her ponytail to come off in his hand. "Fuck off. In fact, we're done now. Go and obsess over whatever Titan bullshit you've managed to dig up." He pushes her away, fuming.
Hanji grins, perching herself atop a closed chest. There's a mischievous glint from behind her goggles that makes Gunther feel very uneasy.
"You're learning for the gala, right? Good on you, Gunther, for helping Levi. Say, did you know that it's required for Levi to bring a date? Think you can come through for that?"
He flees from the room so quickly that the fact that he forget to salute his superiors hits him when he's halfway across the compound.
a/n: idk where this came from, idk if ballroom dancing terms exist in this universe, idk how to ballroom dance