A/N: This was a tricky chapter to write! I entered into it with one idea, but, while I want to keep this fic dark as promised by the title, I also want to keep it true to character in the way things progress given recent discoveries and the situation they've found themselves in rather than just jumping right into the fun stuff. Hopefully, that works and this reads alright :)
"... Do you still want to kiss me?"
Emma waits uncertainly for an answer, trying to read the emotion in the Mayor's eyes as Regina takes in a sharp breath through her nose.
"...Yes."
The brunette replies finally, her voice husky and low, and she swallows as the younger woman offers her a small, decisive nod before pushing herself up from her seat. Uncertain whether to stand up herself, Regina opts to stay sitting where she is, privately striving to calm her mind as her thoughts run wild. She had been telling the truth when insisting that she has always been careful to keep her imagination in check for fear of driving herself mad and casting the blonde in a role that might grossly affect their friendship. True, there have been one or two occasions where idle fantasy has crossed the line to become something heated and dangerous, but for the most part, she has hastily shut down any imagined progression between them beyond the soft touch of the Sheriff's lips.
Which hasn't always been easy!
No, not when her mind has wandered a little too freely, a little too far, and offered her the once inexplicably appealing- hatefully confusing!- scenario of the younger woman pressing up against her, straddling her, melting for her.
This isn't like anything she's ever imagined- albeit briefly- however, and rather than reaching for the blonde as Emma leans in to close the distance between them, she grips the sides of her stool so tightly that her knuckles blanch white and her breath shudders as she waits for the Sheriff to follow through with her promise.
And Emma does. Softly at first; brushing her lips against Regina's as her fingers come to rest gently at the brunette's jaw. She takes her time, before growing bold and demanding entrance; requesting a taste. Regina rests a hand lightly at the blonde's waist in response and Emma nips at slick velvet before coaxing the Mayor's head back and grazing her teeth against her throat as her intent becomes swiftly more sordid.
"Emma... Em-... Emma!"
Regina protests breathlessly as she catches the blonde's wrist and pulls back a little to hinder the younger woman's sinful trail.
"I, um..."
The Sheriff replies hoarsely, her expression immediately guarded as she tries to decipher the cause of the darker woman's sudden rebuttal. Uncertain, she pulls back completely, aware of the way she'd been lent over the brunette, invading her space, and clenches her fists uncomfortably at her sides as she waits to see what in the hell happens now.
I thought... I mean, she asked! She-
"-It's okay. Don't look at me like that."
Regina assures swiftly, offering the younger woman a smile as she increases the weight of her touch to the blonde's hip in a bid to keep her from retreating further.
"I thought you wanted me to do that..."
Emma states quietly, and the brunette nods slowly as she runs her finger over her lips while studying the soft curve of the blonde's.
"I did. More than I think I realised."
"Then-"
"-But this is a lot for me. For you too, I'm sure, but, this is more of a first for myself than for you. Sorry. I know that's not entirely accurate or fair, but in a way, it's true... I meant every part of what I said about finding myself attracted to you and being willing to offer this- us- a chance, it's just... It's a lot... Not in a bad way."
She laughs quietly, hoping the younger woman understands what she means as her stomach flutters pleasurably and her lips burn with the taste of the Saviour.
"Yeah."
Emma agrees uneasily as she notes the delicate blush that has found the darker woman's throat. She allows herself to reason that this, coupled with the fiery intensity of Regina's stare suggests that the Mayor is telling her the truth when it comes to this last statement.
"It's a lot."
Regina repeats quietly, nipping her lip between her teeth as she lowers her gaze to study their surroundings pensively. Running her thumb absentmindedly over the supple leather of the younger woman's ensemble, she finally looks back up and offers the blonde a smirk.
"It's also a little disconcerting doing this with you dressed like that. Don't get me wrong, I'm in favour of the look, but... It's not quite in keeping with how I think of you."
"No?"
The Sheriff teases, and Regina shakes her head as she continues to run her fingers idly over the blonde's hip.
"If I'd allowed myself to think of you like this, we might have had to have this conversation sooner! Just as we would have if it really had been you wearing that dress and there'd been no foul play to consider and prioritise... It's just a little overwhelming doing this with you dressed like some dark fantasy in my ex-lover's house."
"I can buy that."
Emma nods, taking a step back and closing her eyes as she swaps midnight leather for black denim and a grey, wool coat the brunette recognises from home– her hair darkening from silver to gold.
"Better?"
"Hmm... For now, yes. Easier, at least... And, I'm still interested, before you start convincing yourself otherwise."
Regina laughs quietly, and the blonde flashes her a wry grin as she reclaims her seat and looks down at her hands.
"I still can't quite get my head around that, to be honest. I never thought there was any chance... I guess I never thought any of what's happened would happen, but when it comes to us and having this crazy conversation, I'm... I'm glad."
She glances up and offers her companion a more genuine smile, before confiding awkwardly
"And I understand how you feel better than you might think. I've been going head-to-head with your likeness clad in a provocative nightmare of impossible, rather revealing outfits... In a way, I was almost thankful, as it allowed for a line of distinction between the Queen and, well... You. My version of you."
"Your version?"
Regina smiles, and the younger woman scowls at her irritably, before shrugging and admitting
"I guess so. I referred to you that way a couple of times when dealing with the Queen. She was quick to mock me for it; using the term against me in a bid to make me uncomfortable, and she succeeded, but... I don't know. I suppose I do kind of have a version of you that I see as mine. We have a unique relationship, and I think there are parts of yourself that you save just for me... You know. Not in a weird way."
Emma finishes gruffly with her cheeks blossoming a dull pink, and the brunette considers her obvious discomfort pensively, before replying calmly
"I don't think that's weird. I think it's the truth. And I'd say that it works both ways... I have indulgently allowed myself to believe I am offered my very own version of you for a while now. I know I am. And, true, she might wind me up something rotten at times, but I like her."
"Good."
"I'm also grateful you seem content not to brand me with the gaudy extravagance I'm very aware you will have been subjected to during your time here."
"Well, I mean, I plan to tease you something wicked about it all, but the difference between how the Evil Queen presented herself and how I've come to see you actually kept me vaguely sane."
"Yes. I imagine simply seeing me as little more than a name-sake as Mayor, and your one friend with any sense of taste when it comes to interior design and fashion must make things easier."
Regina teases, before a frown creeps across her brow when the blonde fails to scoff at her and instead seems troubled as she stares down at the table.
"...What?"
The brunette demands when she tires of the silence that has fallen between them, and Emma meets her confused glower uneasily.
"You almost sound as though you're suggesting you might be quite boring now."
"Comparatively speaking, perhaps I am!"
"You're not. Not at all."
"Well... Thank you for saying so, but I really wasn't especially concerned or distraught. I'm more than comfortable with myself, dear! I was mainly speaking in jest... Emma?"
Regina's brow furrows deeper as she's denied the eye-roll or snort of laughter she'd anticipated in response to her swift claim of predictable self-assurance, and she taps her fingers impatiently against the weathered wood of the table as she challenges the blonde to elaborate on her sudden descent into uneasy contemplation.
"I don't see you as 'simply' anything."
Emma speaks up finally, but she continues before the darker woman can mistake this statement for a compliment and muses uncomfortably
"But, in a way, you sort of are, now."
"Excuse me?"
Regina snaps.
"I never thought so before. Not when you first split yourself from the Queen. Not when you were, how did you put it? Just my friend with a fancy-as-shit house and way too many pairs of shoes..."
She chances a small grin, but the Mayor simply glares at her impatiently, waiting for her to get to the punchline of her unfavourable statement. Swallowing uneasily, she averts her attention to the window across the room and continues pensively
"You know, we've never really talked a whole lot about your decision to split yourself quite literally in two, and I guess some part of me hasn't ever felt all too comfortable bringing it up. There are a lot of reasons for that, and some of them I'm not entirely sure I understand the root of myself, but I guess the main one is... I kind of get the appeal. If I could go back and change things and stop myself from becoming the Dark One- a Dark One- I wouldn't, because I stand by my reason for doing it. But, if I could remove that part of myself, the part that changed as a result of that decision? I would... Well, I'd always presumed I would... I've never really wanted to talk about whatever it was that blossomed and made itself at home in my head because it's not something anyone else would fully understand... I imagined you might feel similarly, and it really wasn't my place- it wasn't anyone's place- to question you about it... I've read about your reign, we've talked about it at length, I've known you as evil, and I've known you as good. Mostly, I've known you as both. You were convinced that separating yourself from that dark side of your makeup would bring you happiness and some reprieve, and hell knows I understand that desire! And, Regina, as your friend and someone that cares about you, I want that for you more than anything, of course I do! It's just... What if you made a mistake?"
"A mistake?! How could you even suggest such a thing given our current situation? What use could I possibly have for harbouring such a foul part of my past? The part that's stood in the way of every chance at happiness I've been offered? And, need I remind you, those offerings have been sparse, Miss Swan! Why would I deserve that, after everything I've done to try and rectify the mistakes she made? I repent for the things that I did- that she did- don't you ever suggest otherwise, but-"
"-I'm not! Regina, you know I don't think-"
"-No, sometimes you don't!... Emma, I... I don't understand why our conversation has suddenly turned to this! But after what that woman did to you- how I found you- why in the hell would you think I made a mistake in fighting for freedom from that despicable witch!?"
Regina demands; her expression angry, but her tone audibly upset as she considers several marks colouring the younger woman's face that tell more than she'd like about her time here.
"You're still a witch."
Emma replies quietly, offering the brunette a nervous smirk before she continues carefully
"Please don't be mad. I get what you're saying- I do!- I just... Look. When we were making our way out here to hide out, I was so fucking conflicted and pissed at you- at least I thought I was- and I honestly just wanted to get as far away from you as possible because of the shit that woman did."
"Then-"
"-But then you said something that caught me totally off-guard. That upset me."
"I'm sorry, you know that wasn't my intent. You-"
"-Will you shut up for just a second?! Please?!"
Emma growls irritably, and she meets the poisonous glower her infuriated request garners her with a small smile.
"Shit, Regina, make up your mind! Usually, you're demanding an explanation from me, and now I can't get a word in edgeways!"
"Neither of those accusations are true."
The brunette mutters silkily, and the younger woman raises a brow.
"Just listen, okay?"
"Fine. Get on with it, then."
"Well, now that you've given me permission, certainly!"
Emma rolls her eyes, before continuing in a more serious tone
"I didn't mean you upset me on purpose with what you said. I'm fully aware that you were trying your hardest to do the very opposite of upsetting me, just as I'm aware that your anger and defensiveness right now are coming from a weird place in your chest that you're not sure how to deal with. At least, I imagine that's a passable analogy and assumption, as that's how I feel whenever my darker side gets brought up. Because it's this horribly complex minefield of emotion and confusion, and neither one of us is especially great with that kind of thing."
"Speak for yourself, dear. I, in fact, am perfectly comfortable with my emotional maturity, given that it surpasses that of a five-year-old's."
"Yeah? Well, you're not doing such a great job of proving your point right now."
"... Shush."
"No... What upset me was that you said you felt nothing. I asked you what you felt instead of pride for some of your less favourable decisions, and you said you didn't feel anything. Like there's something missing."
"Do you want me to feel pleasure for causing other people pain?"
Regina hisses.
"I mean..."
The blonde grins sheepishly as she studies the weathered grain of the table, before looking back up and elaborating honestly
"I just don't want you to feel empty. Or for any part of you to feel empty. I... I don't know exactly what to say, or how to say what I do know without maybe crossing the line... I just know that when the Queen threw around accusations calling you weak, pathetic and boring- boring now that you're all the best parts, lacking in darkness- it wasn't that I agreed with her, but... I wondered."
"You wondered... What? Whether I'm dull and useless now?"
"No!... No, I just... It's not normal, Regina. Don't you get that? At least a little?"
"Because you're- because everyone's- so normal, Miss Swan?"
"I'm flawed. We all are."
"Not like I was."
"No?... Darkness doesn't manifest from nothing, Regina. I-"
"-Your darkness isn't the same as my evil, Emma. It's not! I was the Evil Queen. I did things- terrible things- to earn that title. Your darkness caused a slight inconvenience for those of us that care about you for a short while and had you dressing like a depressed lunatic until we succeeded in reminding you that you're actually quite nice beneath the garish leather and wildly prolonged teenaged angst."
"...My darkness goes a little deeper than dressing in black and acting like a dick because my energy's suddenly all fucked up thanks to a wavy little dagger. The Evil Queen might be able to tell you a little more about it."
The blonde growls, and Regina rolls her eyes as she crosses her arms defensively over her chest and counters
"Why does it matter?... Emma, I know there was more going on with you than going goth and being in a less-than-desirable mood for a little while. Of course I do. That the Queen pulled out remnants of that, I can understand and I don't blame you for! But the choice was mine to make when I split from my demons. If you were confused or angry with me now for the fact that I was less successful than I'd believed in banishing the danger caused by my evil, I would understand, but you seem almost vexed by the attempt itself, and I don't see why you would be!"
"Because that's still you! You're not just the good parts; you're not just the Mayor. You were Queen, and you were evil! But you weren't just evil. Just like you're not just good now. No one's just one thing... The Evil Queen kept acting like you were two entirely different people, and I was more than happy to let her given the circumstances! I was happy to think of it that way! I have been happy to think of it that way when we hang out in Storybrooke and you're so sweet to me and pleasant to be around. Not in a dull way, not in a pathetic way, in a nice way!... But, you were nice to be around before, as well. You were! Regina, if I still believed that supporting your choice was supporting the happiness you hoped it would bring you, I wouldn't be forcing this conversation- not when it's come to light that there are things we could be doing instead!- but... I don't believe it. I don't, because you say there are parts that are missing- feelings that are missing- and... that's not true happiness. It's just not.
You came here to find me because we've been friends a long time now- and, I imagine, discovering that a rogue part of yourself was to blame for this latest shit-show might have had something to do with it too- but, you also came as quickly as you did because of the darkness you said you felt in that cuff... So don't sit here sneering at my 'goth-phase' and 'pissy-mood' as though you don't appreciate what was really going on when I know that you do."
"You don't have a mountain of things to repent for, Emma. It's not the same."
"You don't know what I might have to repent for. To feel guilty about. You've guessed at some of it in the past with varying success, but you don't know! Now, the Evil Queen, she has more of an idea thanks to her gross miscarriage of decency, but you don't know everything about me, the same as I only know what I've been told and what I've read about you... Regina, you said you were happy when you were with Robin. That was you. All of you. Both parts. Every part. I know things ended horribly, and I'm so, so sorry that they did, but I just... I don't believe it comes down to good and evil. I just don't. Especially after recent events.
I hate the woman that's out there right now tearing her castle to shreds in a bid to find us, but that's mostly because there isn't a shred of balance to her. She truly doesn't deserve a happy ending, and she won't get one, as she has no concept of happiness, only evil. Her happiness would be my destruction- my whole family's destruction- and then... What? You think she's going to sit on her throne, content and done with it all? Because I don't... But, I also wonder about you and your ability to find a happy ending when you've lost an integral part of yourself. In all honesty, I guess I'm kind of sceptical about the whole 'happy ending' thing in general, and I'm supposedly the product of True Love!"
The blonde shakes her head, before continuing earnestly
"Look. There's a lot that I don't know, or get, or understand, but I'll tell you this: I know you. All of you. Not everything about you, but I know what makes you you. When we first started working with each other rather than against each other, it was because of your history that it meant as much to me as it did. You started helping me at first because of Henry and just because some of the shit we were dealing with was bigger than our own petty disagreements. Then, you worked with me because it was the sensible and oftentimes easier thing to do. Until, one day... You did it because you wanted to help me. Not because the kid was watching or because it saved you a headache larger than the one I might give you if you chose to do otherwise. You did it because you wanted to help me. The 'Evil Queen' wanted to help me. Wanted to hang out with me and chat shit with me. You wanted good things for me, Regina, and I did for you. It was complicated, and I was well aware of the things you'd done in the past, but that's why the change in our relationship felt so important to me. Hell, you once vowed to kill me! You even tried a couple of times! You've since had multiple opportunities to make good on that threat and make it look like an accident. You've had so many opportunities to screw me over as your whole, full self, with all of the reasons why you might want to do so still hot on your brain, and you haven't... I want you to feel some pride for that whereas now it sounds like you don't. I want you to feel pride for lots of things, but selfishly, I want you to feel pride for how you are towards me, because that's why we started this hellishly uncomfortable and strange conversation in the first place. Your past is a big part of why I like you... I'm not going to insult you by saying I miss how you were, because that would imply I haven't enjoyed spending time with you since you split from the Queen, and that's not true at all. But I do miss being on even ground. Especially now. I worry about that cuff breaking for the same reasons as you do, Regina, but if there's one person who can handle that- who can handle me- it's you.
It was you.
We've always been so evenly matched, and that's something I think I might come to miss."
Emma splays her palms as she admits this last part, and Regina nods slowly as she considers the blonde's words.
"That was quite some speech, Miss Swan."
"Well, I-"
"-It never occurred to you to voice any of this before?"
The brunette snaps, but her eyes glitter with something other than anger, and the younger woman hesitates before replying simply
"No. You wanted to do something you thought would make you happy, and I wanted it to work. We all did. I had my doubts, but that was my business, and I was fairly certain you'd remind me of that fact if I tried to voice them too loud... But, that was before you said what you said on the way here. That was before any of this happened. I want you to be happy, Regina, you must know that, I just don't think I agree with how you're trying to make that happen."
"Hm."
"And, uh, bear in mind that I've recently learned there's quite a bit at stake in that department."
Emma grins sheepishly, meeting the brunette's dark gaze coolly as the latter offers her a pointed look in spite of the blush creeping across her cheeks.
"You honestly believe I'd be better off with that bitch inside me after everything that's happened here?"
Regina challenges.
"Honestly?... I kind of liked the bitch when she wasn't set to maximum carnage without you around to keep her in check."
The blonde admits quietly.
"... I don't know, Emma..."
"I get that, and I can't make any sort of choice about this for you."
"No, but you can advise... What did you have in mind?"
"Well... You should at least talk to her, I think."
"I can assure you that it will do little good, dear. You heard how well that went down in the dungeon."
"I heard a lot more down in that dungeon than you did... And, incidentally, that talking would get us nowhere is the same thing I used to say about you, and I was wrong."
"Maybe so, but I never stripped you down and made you bleed!"
"No. Unfortunately not."
"Unfortunately?!"
Regina arches a brow as she considers the blonde suspiciously, but rather than burst into laughter, Emma simply shrugs with an impish twitch to her lips, causing the Mayor to lick her own as her stomach flutters.
"... I mean, I guess there's no point in pretending the idea appals me anymore."
The blonde reasons, and Regina swallows as she shakes her head before agreeing huskily
"I suppose not, and you better believe we'll be revisiting that little statement later, but-"
"-But, right now we're against the clock and we need to figure out just what the hell we plan to do."
"More or less."
Regina agrees, studying the younger woman with a lingering sense of surprise as it is somehow all the more strange- all the more enticing- to hear such admissions from the blonde now that she looks so familiar; no different from when the two of them share breakfast or a glass of wine.
"So... What do you propose, dear?"
She breaks the spell and returns to the business at hand.
"We need time. We need to talk to her. You need to figure out what you want... I say, rather than elude her, we bait the bitch. We lure her over."
"We invite that monstrous woman back to Storybrooke? Intentionally?!"
"Sure. She has the upper hand here in her castle. Let's bring her to yours."