Chapter Nineteen: Brother, Daughter, Villain
Present Day:
"Sasuke?" She asked, her voice nearly breathless with disbelief.
The moment the name left her lips her mind seemed to catch up and register what she was seeing. It wasn't him. It wasn't Sasuke. His hair was too long and his eyes were not quite the right shade. They were lighter, and had a burdened look as deep stress lines ran from the corners of his eyes along his nose to his cheeks. She stared at him and he stared back, a small look of surprise displaying across his forehead as he raised his eyebrows.
"No," the man said, his voice was just slightly higher than Sasuke's, lightened by the polite tone in which he spoke. "But I am curious as to who would associate with my brother?" He cocked his head to the side the way a crow would observe something shiny. "My name is Itachi," he said as he stuck what he could fit of his fingers between the spaces of the wooden trellis, in what was an odd offer of a handshake. "Who are you?"
Sakura stared back at him. Brother? Sasuke had a brother? It was a fact she should have already known, did already know, but still, it took her off guard. Sasuke, Uchihas, and demon heritage had never really mattered to her before. But that was before. Now after everything she did not know what to think. If this was Sasuke's brother, had she already met him before? If so, did he recognize her? What was he doing here?
After everything she had just been told and with all of the questions racing through her mind, her first instinct was to run away. But then she remembered Tsunade had said the delegates of the fallen were meeting with her. Was this one of them? Suddenly she remembered her manners and took his fingers with hers as they clasped in a makeshift handshake.
"Sakura," she said, her eyes not leaving his. "My name is Sakura."
She watched him as a look of surprise over took his entire face as he stared at her in disbelief.
The diplomacy meeting had been long and exhausting. Peace talks aside, tension between the negotiating factions was still tight. He supposed it was to be expected after thousands of years worth of divide and reinforced programming to hate each other.
He had come at his father's wish to which Itachi had no argument against going. He enjoyed the heavens, his favorite part being the lush and brightly colored flora. With his eyesight deteriorating, the underworld was becoming darker and darker as the strain on his eyes increased. No longer did the unique cavernous gardens glow bright enough for him to enjoy. But the heavens...they were enough for his senses.
When it seemed that the discussion would be going far longer than planned, he took advantage of not being needed at the moment and wandered out to the gardens that he knew to be just outside the building in which they were meeting. The moment he stepped out from the overhanging, the sun hit his face and he took a moment to take in a deep floral breath. Scanning his eyes, he found himself a nice shaded spot to sit and rest that would give him a view of the surrounding displays. It was nothing but a wooden trellis with dark green vines climbing and weaving through the holes and slats of the wall. Here and there purple flowers hung in full bloom, giving it an aromatic atmosphere as he settled onto the ground.
He had just leaned back to enjoy the quiet solitude when a small sniffle sounded behind him. He was surprised he had not even noticed another's presence as his senses were usually intune for any chakra detection. After thousands of years of cold warring and high alert, it became second nature.
His first thought was to find another spot, not wanting to be disturbed nor wanting to intrude on the stranger. But just as he leaned forward to stand, he remembered his manners. His mother had always tried to ingrain compassion into her sons, despite the disapproval of her husband.
As quietly as he could, he pulled a clean handkerchief from his pocket and turned to the wall of greenery. Leaves and wood obscured whoever was on the other side but after pushing aside a few vines he managed to make out what was a narrow shoulder. He stuck his fingers through one of the many holes until his hand could go no further.
The square fabric grazed right by her shoulder and ear, causing her to startle as the cloth tickled against her skin. A light feminine gasp came from behind the curtain of greenery and after a moment, a small hand accepted the offering as a quiet word of gratitude was uttered.
Itachi nodded then realized she would not be able to see him. Instead he gave out a hereditary hum of acknowledgement. His plan was then to depart but the gasp, followed by the rustling of leaves, caused him to turn around.
From between a gap in the slats, a pair of green eyes appeared. Bright and lush with life, just like the vines that surrounded them. A burst of chakra flared up and Itachi realized why he had not noticed her before. The girl had excellent chakra suppression skills. It intrigued him, he had not met many that had such perfect control. But this was not what intrigued him the most. No, it was the name she uttered following this that truly captured his curiosity.
"Sasuke?" She asked. Her voice was a mixture of disbelief, fear, and if he was not mistaken, hope.
He tilted his head to better meet her eyes and he noticed she recognized her mistake. However, that did not stop him from answering. "No," he said lightly. "But I am curious as to who would associate with my brother?" He cocked his head to the side in contemplation. "My name is Itachi," he offered as he stuck what he could fit his hand through the wooden holes. "Who are you?"
He watched her eyes look down at his fingers for a moment and then he felt her warm fingers wrap around his in a miniature handshake. "Sakura," she said. "My name is Sakura."
Itachi froze. He knew that name. He had never actually met anyone with such a name. But he was familiar with the name associated with the woman who had hung over his brother, leading him to self and worldly destruction due to his obsession.
He wasn't sure how to feel for the girl that had such an effect on his brother. Angry, for what her absence had done. Sorrow, for the loss of such a young life. Or gratitude, for at least proving his brother was capable of having a heart, no matter how damaged and decayed it had become.
He had never met her but he often contemplated what it would be like. Despite not ever meeting the girl, he knew enough about her. Sasuke had told him many things and he had pried a few things from the blonde blessed that had once been a close companion of his brother. Back when they were both just barely grown into their wings. After Sasuke had disappeared, Itachi had interrogated Naruto, or at least tried. But the blessed seraph seemed to have an aversion to the topic regarding the mortal. He had been only able to get minimal information as the sunny seraph seemed to make himself scarce any time Itachi came into close proximity.
"Sakura," he repeated. "That is quite a...fitting name." She gave him a polite smile that lacked amusement, obviously she had heard this comment one time too many.
Any other time he would have let the shared name pass by without any reflection of the name. But the fact that the current possessor of the name had just uttered his brothers name, it seemed too coincidental.
He took in the girl with more detail. There was of course her eyes but then he began to piece other parts of her face from what the crisscrossed wood did not mask. Porcelain skin and soft brows, all framed by light strands of pink hair. The girl was certainly beautiful, strikingly so and unique.
It felt like he was meeting more of a garden nymph than a fellow seraph. She was just like the mortal realms mythological creatures that either charmed or tricked those that wandered into their gardens. And Itachi was not sure which one she was, a charmer or trickster.
"May I ask how you are acquainted with my brother?"
Sakura shifted so that she was kneeling on her legs as she scooted closer to the Uchiha. Despite her better judgment, she couldn't help but want to continue the conversation. If Itachi was Sasuke's brother, surely he would hold some answers or insights that could be useful in knowing what to do. However, she had to tread lightly. As much as her curiosity yearned, Tsunade's warning still rang fresh in her ears.
"Who doesn't know of your brother? Everyone knows of Sasuke Uchiha, the fallen prince of the fallen."
Itachi gave her a wry smile. "Yes that is one of the many, and more kinder things people say about him. However that is not what I asked Sakura." Her name danced from his tongue. "I asked how you know him. My brother does not make a habit of being familiar with our kind anymore, and when he did, it was of the lowest and most deplorable examples." He raised his brow. "You hardly look the type to fall under that category. Unless...you knew him before his downfall?"
Sakura bit her lip. This Itachi was far more clever than the usual demons she was around. The only other in comparison that she had socialized with had been Sasuke. It really should not have come as a surprise that his brother would be any different. "I suppose you could say we are...recent acquaintances. I cannot say I really know him." And it was the truth. At least that is how she rationalized it, she pleaded ignorance to justify the bending of her truth.
"Interesting," Itachi commented. "And what do you think of my brother?" He asked, curious as to what her answer would be. "Is he a crazed heretic that wields chaos? Or a blight bringer to souls? Depending on how long you have been around, maybe you still see him as Orochimaru's reaper?"
Sakura frowned. She had heard many of these things spoken by many different people when on the subject of Sasuke or any rogue seraphim for that matter. However, it was unseemly coming from a person claiming to be a brother. It seemed unnatural. But there was something in Itachi's face that told her, he was only repeating what he heard others say. None of this he actually believed, that much she could tell. But why would he say such things? Perhaps to test her?
"I think he is someone who is hurting," she answered truthfully. "Someone who was never taught how to handle grief. I think people misunderstand him. He is not evil, just lost."
She wasn't sure if she truly knew this to be true, not after what she had seen earlier today. The crazed desperation she had seen still played across her mind in vivid detail. But people act irrationally when they are afraid. And Sasuke had been afraid of being left alone. Already she felt guilty but while perhaps these feelings she seemed to carry within her went out to him, she was not about to just follow him blindly. Not when so much was in jeopardy.
Itachi seemed to deeply contemplate her answer before finally, the corners of his mouth curled into a smile. "I like you Sakura," he commented. "You are what our world needs."
She was not sure how to respond to that but the honesty in his tone made her like him. He was certainly not what she expected. "What was he like?" she requested. "Before Orochimaru, before he left, what was Sasuke like?"
Itachi let his face turn up to the sun as he leaned his head back and closed his eyes. He heard Sakura shift around again and a small smile came to his lips. She was a curious little creature that he himself was just as curious about.
"My brother was nothing like what most people know him to be. As a child he was always eager. Eager to learn, eager to please, eager to be acknowledged. It drove him to work hard. When he had a goal in mind, he set out to perfect it then and there," Itachi spoke his words with a fondness in his tone. "He was not very patient though. He always wanted to have the skills and knowledge immediately. That was perhaps his greatest flaw. He wanted to stand on mountains but did not want to take the time to climb it. Therefore he was always looking for shortcuts and the fastest routes."
A frown came to his face and Itachi turned his head to look at Sakura who had her face nearly pressed up against the trellis, holding on to every word he spoke. "Our father was always hard on him which made him hardened on the outside as he grew older. Though there were the occasional times when his softened heart would shine through in his actions. He never did like corrupting."
"But he is so…" Sakura trailed off, unsure of how to finish her sentence.
"Good at it?" Itachi finished with a wry smile.
Sakura hesitated but then finally gave a guilty nod. "Sorry, it's just that I have heard so many rumors. And you can only ignore so much of what we know of history. He himself is not mentioned much, but I know he was behind a lot of what Orochimaru had done."
Itachi nodded in understanding. "Yes, well, you asked what my brother was like before. But my brother has not been my brother for a long time."
They had spoken for quite some time, eventually Sakura seemed to be brave enough and circled around to his side of the wall. She had kept her distance from him, cautious but curious. Like a stray cat being offered cream but won't accept until given enough space.
All while they spoke, Itachi could not shake the feeling that this woman was more than she appeared to be. Sasuke had said he found Sakura, his Sakura. This girl, from what he knew, matched the image and tranquil aura that he had always pictured such a pure soul would have. There was only one problem, Sasuke's Sakura had been mortal, this girl was not. He had sensed her chakra earlier and while at the moment she had suppressed it again, almost as if out of habit, it proved that she was seraph. Though with her wings not visible it was certainly easy to forget that. She could easily be mistaken as a mortal.
Which brought him to wondering of the possibility that the reincarnated Sakura that Sasuke had found, and the seraphim Sakura before him, could be the same. If this was so, that brought him to another question. How did this Sakura come to be? Itachi was a believer of a many great things that the cosmos could do and he failed to believe that this could just be a coincidence.
"Sakura," came a beckoning call.
The newly acquainted pair turned to see Tsunade standing on the boardwalk looking between the two with a slightly pinched expression. She waved her over. "Come," she urged quickly, giving Itachi a wary look.
Itachi looked to Sakura who gave him an apologetic smile. "It was a pleasure meeting you." She exclaimed.
Itachi gave a nod. "Yes," he agreed. "It certainly was a pleasure." And it was the truth. "Perhaps we shall have an opportunity to meet again soon."
She gave him a sincere nod before standing and making a quick scurry towards Tsunade. Itachi watched as Tsunade put a protective arm around her as she began guiding her towards the home in which he knew the blessed ruler lived. As she guided the younger seraph away, she shot Itachi a dark look over her shoulder. A look that held an animalistic threat similar to that of a mother bear.
Interesting, he thought to himself. Tsunade was protecting this girl. And if he didn't know any better he would think she was almost hiding her. For several decades he had made many diplomatic trips to the heavens. And never in his life had he seen or heard of this little seraph that seemed so close with the ruler.
Intrigued by the turn of events, Itachi had a sudden urge to check on his brother. He had said he would not be involved but circumstances had changed.
"Sakura, what were you thinking speaking to strangers like that!"
They were the first words that came from Tsunade's lips the moment they entered their home.
Sakura looked at her, slightly taken aback by her outburst. "We were both just enjoying the gardens. Is he not one of the delegates for the peace talks? Why would that be a problem?"
"Even more reason you should stay away from him," she countered. "He is an Uchiha."
"I know," Sakura remarked. "Itachi Uchiha to be specific."
Tsunade's eyes widened. "You knew he was an Uchiha and you still spoke with him? What did you discuss? What did he want to know? What did you tell him?"
Sakura did not respond immediately to the flood of questions that came pouring from Tsunade's mouth. She was taken aback by the near panic that Tsunade was in. Did she think that Sakura would mess up the peace talks somehow? Her conversation with Itachi had been nothing but pleasant. They had started out with speaking of Sasuke but it had moved on to much lighter talk as they found they shared an appreciation for gardens. Why would Tsunade be so worried about such discussion such as favorite flowers and herbs?
And then it hit her. Tsunade was not worried about the peace talks. She was worried that Sakura would say something on the subject of everything that had been revealed to her earlier.
Sakura gapped at the woman that she had always viewed with so much adoration and respect. How could she possibly think that she would divulge even the smallest of information to the first person she ran into? Did she not think that Sakura could not handle such knowledge? Did she think that Sakura could not understand the consequences that could happen? It was not hard to believe given the fact that she had kept such things from her for so long. And the only reason why Sakura knew now was because Kakashi had forced her hand.
Sakura had not known how to react before, mostly because she had so much thrown at her all at one time. She had still been recovering from her earlier with Sasuke and not everything was absorbed quite so quickly. It had been a roller coaster of emotions throughout the entire day and it was just barely halfway over. It had started with an all too confusing morning of suppressed urges after her dreams, by mid morning she was confused and disoriented after she had blacked out. That was quickly overcome with a lustful passion that went beyond the capacity of just carnal needs. By mid day she was scared and panicked as she tried to flee the same source in which her body had been just a moment ago ready to give itself in entirety then and there on a pier bench. And then she was given an overload of revelation that she had barely enough time to register one thought before another tidal wave of life altering facts were thrown at her again.
After the peaceful and calming experience she had with Itachi in the gardens, she finally had a moment for the tsunami of emotions that had washed over her throughout the day to settle. Tsunade's outburst was like throwing a cannonball into the newly calmed waters. A ripple moved within her. It started with annoyance but as the ripple spread, it escalated to a tidal wave of anger. And she could not hold it back this time, the dam had been too far damaged. She had never raised her voice at Tsunade, but if there was something she had learned in her accumulated years, it was that there was a first for everything.
"Do you honestly think I would say something to him? Do you truly believe me to be so incapable and childish that I cannot keep a secret? Is that why you never told me before? Because you doubted me?"
"Sakura, you do not under-"
"No!" Sakura interrupted as she pointed a finger at the woman. "You don't understand. Do you have any idea how isolated and confusing my life has been? Do you have any idea what it is like to live in a way where you are not expected to question the irregularities that you live with every day? To be lied to for centuries by the people who claim to be like family? Do you have any idea what it is like to wake up one day and suddenly find out that you had a life before? A life you can't remember? A family that you have no memory of even their names? A home that you have no idea where it is? A loveー"
She cut herself off before she finished. She had been thinking of Sasuke at that moment and the word had just slipped out. But she stopped herself before she could finish. She still did not understand what they were, friends, lovers, friends that loved each other? It was all still a mystery which fueled her enough to continue. It was something she did not want to label until she understood.
"You understand nothing, no one does. You kept me in the dark for so long. If Kakashi had not found out, how much longer would you have kept lying to my face? Do you even regret or even feel the smallest bit of remorse for lying to me?" Tsunade opened her mouth to speak but Sakura was not finished. "Now, when I finally have at least some truth, you think me so naive that I would immediately go and spill it to one of the higher Uchiha's of the fallen? I am not a child, I never was in all the years I have known you, yet you treat me as such. You claim to love me like a daughter but what kind of mother lies to their child so easily? You're not a mother, you're selfish. You claim you're protecting me, but it was yourself you are saving."
"Sakura..." Tsunade tried again.
"I am not finished," Sakura raged. "Itachi and I spoke in the gardens. We met each other and became acquainted. I knew who he was from the beginning and I spoke to him with caution. After I found out he was Sasuke's brother I asked him about Sasuke. I asked him what he was like before and we discussed that along with any other common knowledge. He asked how I knew him and I only revealed that we were recent acquaintances that I did not know him well. Not once did I bring up his relationship with me before.
"I saw an opportunity to hopefully glean some understanding of the person that obviously had a large impact on my previous life. It was an opportunity for me to try to gain some understanding to sort out these drifting emotions. After a short conversation we spoke of flowers and herbs. That was it. After everything that you have put me through, I think I deserve a little respect and trust that I am not so stupid to go and ruin everything you have worked so hard to keep safe. I understand why you did what you did, I understand why it is important. However, I do not understand why after all this time, you would think so little of me!"
Her rant finished more so because she could no longer continue through the sobs that were escaping her mouth than the fact that she had finished what she wanted to say. There was just too much to speak of and too little vocabulary to express everything she was feeling. How do you cope or even accept the fact that what you are, is not really what you are.
There was a long pause with nothing but her own sobs to break the silence as she bowed her head and sobbed into the palms of her hands. She stood weakly and alone before the strong and familiar embrace of Tsunade wrapped around her body. Sakura stiffened for a moment, tempted to rip away from the woman's touch. But the comfort and warmth that filled her caused her to soften and fold into the woman's large bosom.
She felt Tsunade begin to rub her hands gently on her back as she leaned her head to rest against the side of hers. It was then that she felt the warm tears of the other woman against her skin.
"I am sorry," Tsunade whispered in remorse. "I am so sorry Sakura. No parent is perfect, and I am far from even a glimmer of perfection. It is not that I do not believe you can keep a secret or that you are not trustworthy. It is just...I worry so much for you. You filled a void in me that had been vacant for so long. I had not foreseen any of this happening when I turned you into what you are. Perhaps if I had known the pain it would cause, I would have changed my mind to spar you such sorrow. But in all honesty, after knowing what I know now, I would have still chosen to save you, to preserve you. Because you are right Sakura, I am selfish and I cannot fathom the thought of not having you here with me to fill that void."
The women held each other until their tears had dried and their sobs had settled down. And after that it had taken a little while longer before they could truly let each other go. Finally, they found themselves in the kitchen quarters, Sakura sat at the wooden table while Tsunade stood over the fire preparing a kettle for tea. The servants had been long dismissed, leaving the home quiet. They had yet to speak much after Sakura's out lash and Tsunade's apology. Each of them unsure of what to say to the other, but in a sense, there was nothing more to be said. For that is the bond between mother and daughter. Arguments arise, tears are shed, but in the end, all is forgiven because of the love they hold for each other.
"Kakashi said that he had been looking for you when he felt a spike of your chakra and heard you cry out," Tsunade finally said as she pulled the whistling tea kettle from the flames of the fire and moved over to the table. "He reported he was on his way to you when he ran into you in the alleyway. He said you were shaking and he had smelt your blood," she added as she poured the tea into separate cups then paused. "He didn't...hurt you did he?"
Sakura remained quiet for awhile as she reached for one of the cups. She cradled the cup in her hands, letting the warmth seep into her fingers. Staring down into the water, she watched it slowly become a darker shade as the aromatic herbs steeped within the warm water.
"No," she finally answered with a shake of her head. "He just...scared me, that's all. The blood was from when I fell and scraped my knees, nothing I cannot heal myself."
From under her bangs she caught Tsunade relax and nod before bringing her own tea cup to her lips. She took a small sip before gently setting the cup back down onto the table.
"Please do not take this in the wrong way," Tsunade began, "I promise I will not be angry as most of this is a consequence to my faulty thinking, but I need to know everything that has been exchanged between you two. What he has told you, but most importantly, what you have told him."
There is something entirely soothing and relaxing about having one's hair being brushed by another. Like so many animals that use grooming as a way to bond, Sakura had always cherished the moments when Tsunade brushed her hair. It brought about a bonding intimacy that she believed could heal just about any rift between two women.
As Tsunade brushed, parted, and braided Sakura's hair, Sakura recalled everything that had happened over the course of the past months. "...I just do not understand, from what I feel, and from what I have gathered, Sasuke and I were...or at least we...we had some kind of bond."
Tsunade gave a wane smile. "I believe the word you are looking for is love Sakura." Tsunande nearly teased. "It is quite alright to use it."
Sakura shook her head. "But that is just it...I just can't fathom loving someone who has done such horrible things. And how can such a heartless person even be capable of love? From what Sasuke has told me of the past between him and...myself-" Each time she said it, it sounded odd to her. "-it seems like a dreamy romance. But I just do not see myself capable of being able to love someone like him, despite the conflicted feelings I have been feeling. It just makes me wonder what kind of person I was myself."
Tsundae tied off the short braid that she had fashioned and set the hair brush down on the armoire that Sakura sat at. She then let out a small sigh and moved towards the window to look up at the darkening sky. Sakura turned and followed Tsunade's movement with her eyes.
"We gain an insurmountable of knowledge and skills in our collected centuries as seraphim," Tsunade said as she stared up at the stars. "The longer we live the greater the mastery we achieve. But there is one thing that we immortals cannot master, and that is dealing with the loss of a loved one. You would think centuries worth of time would be enough, but it is not when you expect eternity. You could lose one or one hundred and it never gets easier. Death changes people. Grief drives us to do things we would never think ourselves capable of. And no matter how long it has been, a seraph never recovers, not truly. We learn to cope at best. Some do it better than others, but it does not make them better than those who don't."
Sakura stared at the older woman, taking in her silhouette against the moonlight. If there was anyone who understood what it was like to lose a loved one, Tsunade did. She had lost practically every kind of love that one could have. Family, friends, comrades, lovers, she had lost them all, one after another. Hearing her explanation served to also heal the hurt she had felt before. It gave her a better understanding as to why Tsunade had been so rash and extreme with her decisions. Tsunade had never had children of her own, Sakura was the closest thing she had that resembled the bond of parent and child. And it was the only bond in which she had no experience in the loss of. Sakura could only imagine how much more fragile and cherished that bond was to her.
"I myself am not fond of the brat, but you should not judge too harshly when it comes to your judgments of what he is or is not capable of feeling. If anything, his reaction when he thought you died is only a testament to how deeply he felt for you," Tsunade remarked. "Damning a person in grief is like cursing a cripple for not running. You asked yourself what he was like before and Itachi answered. And while you may have no memories, from what you have told me of what has happened in the past weeks, he has at least tried. You cannot deny that you did not experience at least some moments of his tenderness."
Sakura was unsure of how to respond to this. It was strange hearing Tsunade remark on how an Uchiha deserved compassion, or at least a small amount of lesser judgment. But she was right. Sakura was perhaps judging all too quickly. He had been gentle and tender at times. His actions had been more or less sweet. It was perhaps glimpses of the brother Itachi had told her of. But those glimpses of his old self had been tainted with the knowledge and manifestation of his new self. He was a cocktail of the two personifications and Sakura was unsure if she could handle such a strong drink.
Tsunade let out another yawn and pushed away from her position against the window. "It is late," she commented, her melancholy tone disappearing with the casual observance. "You have had a long day. Tomorrow we will discuss with Naruto and Kakashi on the new protocol for when you are in the mortal realm."
Sakura looked at Tsunade with surprise. "You mean I am still allowed?"
Tsunade gave her a side grin. "I may have made a stupid miscalculation, but I am not so stupid I do not learn from my mistakes," she commented. "Yes, you will still proceed with your duties. But we will obviously need to proceed with caution. While I trust you...I cannot say the same for the Uchiha. I know I said to not judge too quickly, but I also warn you to not trust too easily. That boy is broken, he is no longer whole."
Fuck.
Fucking shit he fucked up.
But even as he acknowledged what he had done was a complete fuck up, he could not help but let the lost part of his mind rationalize his actions. He had not planned for any of that to happen. Had not planned to kiss her, planned to hold her, to feel her. But then again, he had not planned for her to collapse right in front of him. The flashbacks and the memories that had been revived from the deepest recesses of his mind had attacked the fragments of what remained of the sane portion of his mind.
He had seen mortals suffer from what they called post traumatic stress disorder. A condition of persistent mental and emotional stress due to severe psychological shock. When triggered, a person's actions could become unpredictable, even to the one suffering from it. He was too prideful to think himself susceptible to the same sickness that affected mortals, but it was the only thing he could compare it to. He had nearly lost it when he watched her fall, and would have, had she not opened her eyes and spoken so quickly after.
After being reminded of the vulnerability that her existence could so easily be erased, he couldn't be blamed for not wanting to let her out of his sight. And when she tried to, he panicked. In truth he blacked out for a moment as desperation took over which spurred an instinct. An instinct that had caused him to do everything he could to keep her in his sight. And then he became conscientious of what he was doing to her, her pleas filled his ears and her tears caught his eye.
She had a look on her face that he had never seen pass across her features. He had seen her look at him with intrigue and curiosity, unease and guarded alert, annoyance and love. At one time or another, she had seen him as a stranger, friend, and lover. But never, never in his entire life, past or present, had she ever looked at him the way she had after he pulled himself away.
She had looked at him the way everyone did, as the evil demon that he was.
She had never judged him for what he was and never had he seen her be afraid, not truly. Small degrees of fright he had seen, but never a fear so strong that it seemed to terrify. But for that moment, for a fraction of a second before she scampered off, she had looked at him as if he were nothing but a demon crawling out from the cracks of hell.
Everything in him wanted to follow her but his body would not listen. Too stunned to move. He knew not everything was the same with her, but still...he never thought she would look at him that way. She had always seen past the darkness enough to never be truly scared, to never worry that he would hurt her. He had never been the villain to her. But after what he had just done...after he had lost control...
He let out a heavy sigh.
He was losing control again. Her presence back onto his life was undoing the hard work he had done to regain control over himself. It had taken lifetimes for him to become the master of the curse mark Orochimaru had given him. The mark that had driven him into an insane and obsessed driven slave that was controlled and manipulated by the snake.
He bit down on his cheek in frustration. None of this was his plan, but as always, he would have to make due. There was no undoing what had already been done. However, he could prevent things from happening. He had not planned for this to occur so quickly. He wanted to give her time, find a way to get her to remember first. But consideration was thrown out the window. Right now, her life took priority over anything she felt. He could ask her for forgiveness later. However he would not be able to earn such a thing if she was gone entirely. He did not have the patience nor the sanity to wait another two thousand years to find her again.
Tracing his lips he replayed the memory just before she pushed herself away. It had been so refreshing and freeing to kiss her again, to no longer hold back or block away that desire. But just to act. It reminded him too well of the first time he had done it over two thousand years ago.