AUTHOR NOTE: I'm in my last year of school and so I won't be able to update regularly. There is also a really important note at the end ,its also a bit long, I kinda got carried away.

—

Sweat coated her skin as she tried to calm her breathing. Her hands clenched the bedsheets in a failed attempt to ground herself as fragmented flashes of memories played in Hannah's head like the audio of a broken record.

The sound of a gavel against wood and a call for order. The cool feel of the stand's polished wood under her fingers. And blood. So much blood , it was in her hair , on her hands , and covered her clothes. Hannah found it hard to believe someone could bleed that much.

—43 minutes of hyperventilation later—

The ceiling of her room wasn't incredibly fascinating but she stared at it nonetheless. This wasn't the first time sleep eluded her and it wouldn't be the last, her solution of studying till exhaustion had become ineffective. She'd already read all the books in the study at least twice. If it wasn't nightmares keeping her up , then it was a sense of dread as her brain went through all of the future deaths and it didn't help that just as she started to drift off , her body felt heavy and weighted. It reminded her of those short glimpses of awareness that she had after her death, stuck in a void of light and sound, unable to move , to breath. She likened it to a triple pronged attack on her sanity.

Woes of a budding insomniac aside , Hannah had another, more pressing issue and per usual it had something to do with canon. While she knew she wanted to change the future, she wasn't exactly sure as to how, her first year at Hogwarts posed a significant problem because Voldemort would have a corporeal form , second year in comparison would be far easier since she just had to destroy a book. No matter how much it pained her to admit it , she acknowledged it would be best if she didn't interfere with canon a lot in her first year. The only problem with that was that Voldemort wasn't properly killed in the first book which is why he was able to make a dramatic villainous comeback later in the series.

She had a few ideas on how to stop his Resurrection but she'd need to do some research first , she'd always wanted to go to Diagon alley anyway, sooner rather than later it seems.

HANNAH's POV

It's been a month since I met Pandora, making it early August , giving me just under a month until school starts and I may or may not be going ever so slightly insane from the stress. The most frustrating part is that magic parents seem to have an obsession with keeping their children in the dark, since Patricia and Robert were very set on making my first trip to Diagon Alley a last minute thing to add to the 'mystique' , whatever the heck that means. It took 1 hour of convincing and 45 minutes of guilt tripping to get them to finally agree to go shopping for school supplies in two days on the 4th of August. It takes every ounce of self control I have to not let out a squeal of excitement as Patricia calls for me from downstairs and tells me to hurry up.

Not even the fact that I have to travel by floo puts a damper on my mood. I throw the familiar powder in the grate and with a shout of "DIAGON ALLEY" , I feel my body being pulled in a twisting motion as my stomach churns , debating whether my lunch will make a reappearance.

—

Hannah's hopes to avoid a shopping rush and crowds are immediately and efficiently destroyed as soon as she steps out of the fireplace. The loud chatter was audible no matter how much she tried to cover her ears. The buildings tilt dangerously and are clearly only upright due to magic. It screams safety hazard , not 'whimsical place full of childhood memories'.

She relaxes somewhat when she sees the words 'Flourish and Blotts' appear over the endless sea of brightly colored pointy hats. The shop itself smelled predictably like old books. If Hannah drooled when examining the expansive collection of books , her parents were kind enough not to bring it up, She quickly picked up all the textbooks for the next 5 years (much to Patricia's amusement) , a copy of Hogwarts a history, Fantastic beasts and where to find them ,a dictionary/ introduction to demonic languages and creatures and an introduction to the art of healing by Jaqueline mauntel. It's at this point that Patricia was forced to drag her away from the endless shelves , ignoring her pleas of "just one more".

-4 hours later-

At the end of our excursion ( I wanted to call it a near death experience but I was outvoted) , I found myself in a sweaty heap on my bed, shopping bags littering the floor , a black ragdoll cat curled up next to my head , purring. I had a cut on my knee, slime in my hair and Ollivander's weird words stuck in my head.

Overall it was a trying experience .

That's not to say it was without merit but I thought the place could use a lot less magic and more common sense. If there was one thing this trip succeeded in doing , it was convincing me that magic is useless if you don't use it properly and very few wizards did that.

The highlights of my day were definitely the pet shop where I bought a black cat which I named John ,and my visit to Flourish and Blotts . However the trip quickly went downhill once we went to purchase my uniform from Madam Malkin's shop, when a member of staff made fun of me for buying trousers. I don't dislike skirts in general but trousers were a better choice when running for your life not to mention the fact Scotland is quite cold.

But in comparison to what happened after , that was nothing because someone thought it would be a good idea to put a flimsy muzzle on a fwooper instead of using a silence charm so now Robert was slightly more weird than before , at least I thought so. Patricia thought he was still the same.

For those of you who don't know, a fwooper is a brightly colored magic bird ,whose song slowly drives people insane. At least that's what my magi-zoology book says.

After the fwooper incident, Patricia quickly dragged us to Ollivander's , where I got my wand , 10 inches ,chestnut with a unicorn hair core. Ollivander then proceeded to spew some weird horoscope that went along the lines of 'you are in touch with nature ,of strong moral character and shall live a long life'

I couldn't help but laugh at that last bit, getting some odd looks from the adults present . On the bright side my wand was lovely, it almost felt like it purred when I first held it, plus wands with unicorn hair are supposed to be more loyal which I appreciate immensely. After visiting a few more shops, I managed to convince Patricia and Robert to drop off everything we had just bought back at the house and go to a muggle shop to buy enough pens to last me a lifetime. I won't use a quill if I can help it, it sounds like the most frustrating thing ever.

—

The weeks leading up to the 1st of September, quickly passed. Hannah studied like her life depended on it, mainly because it did and wrote and rewrote her plans mentally in her head. The only variable that she was really worried about was which house she was sorted into , as she figured being in Gryffindor or Slytherin just meant extra drama (or magic racism, take your pick) . Hannah was now ambivalent to the idea of houses based on your personality , at first she had worried and fretted over which house she would end up in and secretly worried what her house would say about her as a person but after a few days of intense internal monologues and healthy doses of skepticism , she realized that the house system was stupid . Not just because grouping people at the age of 11 because of certain traits they possess and assuming that they'll stay that way when they're older is completely backwards and idiotic but also because the sorting hat was terrible at its job.

It put Peter Pettigrew in Gryffindor even though he possessed none of the traits of the house , Crabb and Goyle were put in Slytherin even though they were as cunning as a rock and Lockhart was in Ravenclaw even though he wasn't studious or interested in learning in the slightest. It was this series of revelations that made her realize that her house wouldn't matter. She'd could grow up to be whoever she wanted, archaic talking hats be damned.

With that weight off her mind she continued to obsess over her text books like a madwoman. It was surprisingly therapeutic because whenever she thought about what the future might hold , she got this tight feeling in her chest , her breathing became shallow gasp as the feeling of invisible walls closing in around her became apparent but with every spell she learned the panic subsided a little bit every time. It made herself feel less helpless ,more prepared, like she could do this.

—-1st of September—

Patricia Abbott was never particularly fond of her daughter at first, that isn't to say she didn't love her because she did, in a distant sort of way. Out of obligation if anything. She made sure Hannah was fed , clothed and looked after , just not by her. Motherly affection gave way to indifference as the girl grew up, it wasn't like she didn't try to love her , it's just that there wasn't much to love when someone wasn't real. 'Four seconds', that's when she knew her daughter, her child wasn't just gone but that they never existed.

And then all of a sudden , Hannah...changed. She knew that the little girl who lived upstairs now was nothing like the one she'd given birth to, the thing she'd been forced to raise. She knew she should probably be worried that someone had clearly taken over her daughter's mind but she couldn't find it in herself to care. The Hannah she knew now was a sweet and bubbly girl. And now she was being 'taken away' Patricia thought bitterly, tears threatening to spill as she held Hannah in a tight embrace (read: death-grip) , while Patricia tried (and failed) to maintain her composure, Robert simply opted for crying and begging Hannah to consider homeschooling, promising to by her as many pets as she wanted.

To anyone watching, it was quite the scene.

—

HANNAH's POV

I was crying.

To anyone looking it would look like a touching (albeit somewhat dramatic) goodbye between a girl and her parents but for me it was just a cruel reminder. They weren't my parents, this wasn't my world and it hurt. It hurt because part of me knew that I could never go back. I could try to find a way back and drown myself in the 'what if's' but if I failed it would break me and there would be no way to really recover. At least that's what it felt like.

So I didn't think about it, I pushed it deep down, a problem for future me. My face felt warm and sticky with half dried tears as I made my way onto the train after depositing my luggage, my heart hammering in my chest. I think it goes without saying I was bloody terrified.

—-

John's purring vibrated through my chest as he nuzzled into my neck , clearly enjoying the hug I was happy to give him. John was quite affectionate , always wanting to be cuddled, stroked or simply follow me wherever I went. It was honestly quite comforting (and the cutest thing ever!) . As the sound of purring was drowned out by boarding students chatting about their holiday, I decided to go through my mental checklist of things to keep in mind during my 'mission'.

1) Pretend to be shy with the teachers and don't make eye contact with all of the teachers (it would suspicious if I only did it to snape, Dumbledore and Quirrelmort to prevent them from reading my mind)

2) Get sorted into Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff if possible ( being in Gryffindor or Slytherin is too much drama and too close to the plot which could just lead to unforeseen changes )

3) study like my life depends on it (because it does)

4) figure out a way to protect harry from the Dursleys if the opportunity presents itself (but my main focus is stopping the madman that wants to kill him )

I spent a good few minutes repeating this in my head like a mantra of sorts as children began to filter through the bewitched stone wall and board the train.

AUTHOR NOTE: I wanted to write a story arc in Hannah's 5th year where she had a conversation about how problematic the amortentia potion is, but I realized that might make some readers uncomfortable and I want everyone to be able to enjoy the story.

so I was thinking I could write the arc in a long chapter and write a detailed summary at the end.

Or I could have Hannah make sure no one uses amortentia while she attends school and have her not delve too deeply into the implications of the potion. Then I would write an epilogue where she spearheads a movement and changes wizarding law when she is older in a way that deals with the issue.

The use of amortentia and how other characters view it is not realistic and in my opinion a major hole in the world building (,not the only one though). I think that for some odd (and definitely magical) reason , amortentia must only work on guys , I don't think people would be comfortable with it being taught otherwise because most people believe guys can't be assaulted in that way (which is false btw, they can be).

I also want to use this as an opportunity to clarify something. There will be NO depictions/references to sexual assault in this fanfiction, there will also be NO attempted sexual assault and you guessed it , it won't be implied either. I'm just not comfortable writing that stuff.

With that said I hope you enjoyed the chapter :)