AUTHOR NOTE: I talked with some friends and realized that some of the later plot points might be considered crack but I can't tell if it is.

If there is crack then it will be treated seriously. I'm not gonna lie , if this was any other fandom then it would be easier to tell but I think the existence of magic is messing with my 'crack radar'. With that said I hope you enjoy the chapter it's kinda on the short side. :)

TRIGGER WARNING: there is some swearing in this chapter.

It took a few minutes for all the Hogwarts students to finally board the train, Hannah's cabin was quickly occupied by 5 Ravenclaws who opted to ignore her and begin a heated discussion about alchemy theory, Hannah chose to respond in kind and mostly ignored them . Cuddling with her cat was far more interesting. The monotony was only broken by a very bushy haired girl asking if they had seen a toad because a boy called Neville had lost one.

Hannah was quite surprised to see Hermione, even though she knew that this was part of canon , it didn't make seeing one of the golden trio any less startling. There was also the fact Hermione didn't look like … she was supposed to. In the books Hermione's frizzy hair is painted as an unattractive feature that is 'fixed' when she got access to a sleek easy potion but looking at her , Hannah couldn't see the problem.

In Hannah's view, Hermione was very pretty and the frizzy hair added to her charm if anything. In her words it gave 'intense fluffy kitten vibes'.

This inconsistency of sorts brought to mind something that Hannah had been wondering for a long time, was JK Rowling, a reliable narrator?

Her answer was no. The Harry Potter book series was just that , a book series. Reality would always be far more complicated, a concoction of endless variables that one could only hope to fathom in its entirety, meta-knowledge or not.

It was this philosophical train of thought that Hannah's brain decided to take once Hermione had left the cabin.

She pressed her face into John's soft fur listening to the steady beat of his little heart and lamented the one-pet-only rule. The train ride was long but ultimately uneventful, the chatter of her cabin mates was beyond her understanding and quickly became background noise as she leaned against the cool glass of the window, watching the green blurs of trees and endless fields whizz pass.

The only thing preventing the calming journey turning into a lovely nap was the ever present anxiety gnawing at her sanity. She was going into the belly of the beast , all the preparation and studying did little to ease her nerves. It barely felt like any time passed at all, but the reddening sky disagreed. Pink clouds shrouded the damp mountains that loomed over colorful meadows in a vivid display of colour , it was a mere hour later that the vibrant scenery became dull under the dark sky with only a handful of stars as an excuse for lighting. The train stopped.

Securing her hold of John with her left arm , she checks she still has her wand safely tucked away in her pocket before awkwardly shuffling out of her compartment and onto the platform. Hogsmeade station was a quaint place , a looming figure that couldn't be anyone but Hagrid calling the new students over with a booming voice that Hannah swore rattled her bones.

"Over 'ere first 'ears , gather round"

Hagrid waits until all the new students arrive before giving some important (and loud) speech that Hannah doesn't hear because her blood is roaring in her ears and her stomach feels like a cement mixer on the highest setting, part of her brain screams at her to breathe , but her body refuses to cooperate. She's not sure if it's the large crowd or the fact that in a few minutes she's gonna be in the same room as a mass murderer but her heart rate is increasing at an alarming rate.

Before she can introduce the contents of her stomach to the floor, John lifts a single fluffy paw to her face. "Meeow" his big bright green eyes looking up at her imploringly, asking to be stroked. Hannah had no problem indulging him.

The path to the black lake was cobbled and uneven, students who already knew each other broke off into little groups. Hannah lagged behind, face buried in a pile of purring cat as she tried not to trip on the rough path,

The frantic whispers of students were audible as Hagrid led them by the dim light of a gas lamp to their destination. After a short hike they finally arrived at their destination, the black lake.

Its surface shimmered under the moonlight as wind blew across its surface. The boats at its shore were rickety things, John must have sensed their lack of structural integrity because it took a lot of cuddles and promises of food before he agreed to board the boat with her. The castle itself was a vast amalgamation of stone and slate , organized into imperial towers and grand archways. It made Hannah feel like an ant in the presence of a boot.

After Hagrid led them through the large oak doors and up a wide staircase before depositing them at the feet of a very stern Professor McGonagall .With her regal posture and calculating gaze , Hannah could see why her Animagus was a cat.

Hannah mostly zoned out for most of McGonagall's explanation of how the house system worked, her efforts were mainly focused on awkwardly shuffling to the front of the group because her name would be called first for the sorting and trying not to puke , knowing what and who was behind that door.

Before she knew it she was at the front of the great hall , perched on a tiny stall with an old hat on her head. Oh and did I forget to mention the hundreds of children staring at her . Yes they were there too.

HANNAH's POV

"Well , you're a tricky one, I'll admit that."

"Thanks?"

"I was hoping I wouldn't get a hat stall this early on, lest McGonagall make good on her promise of turning me into a purse… the muggle way."

"Oh, that's really harsh."

"Exactly what I thought , plus she simply doesn't understand how difficult my job is."

"Actually I've been meaning to ask you something, what criteria do you use when sorting? And why are there no muggleborn in Slytherin?"

"Ah , you poor naïve child, you've got a good head on your shoulders so I'll let you in on a little secret. The house system is, if you'll pardon my language, bullshit , crap, malarkey, baloney.

Whatever way you spin it , it doesn't make sense. At all."

"Wait, aren't you supposed to be for the house system? Isn't it your job or something?"

"Darling I just work here that doesn't mean I agree with the management style. If you haven't noticed I'm a hat , I don't exactly have a lot of options employment wise. Oh and To answer your earlier question, it's for damage control."

"For damage control?"

"Yes. The reason I put all the blood purists in Slytherin is the same reason I put lots of muggleborns in Hufflepuff. So that muggleborns have a safe space from bullying. Of course there are students who actually have the traits of one of the houses and I sort them accordingly, but I mostly focus on making sure everyone has a support group of some sort. It doesn't always work but I try to make the most out of the mess I've been given."

"Do you know what house you'll put me in?"

"Ah yes , I decided a couple minutes ago but we were having such a lovely conversation and so very few people talk to me nowadays."

"Maybe we'll talk again."

"Maybe we will, " said the hat reluctantly. A few tense seconds past before the hat finally announced

HUFFLEPUFF!

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