Chapter 27

"You care about me." Joan stuck her tongue out and teased with quite the jovial tone.

"Hush." Cinder glared.

"You do!"

"I!" Cinder grumbled. "Why the hell do you even give a shit!"

"Because I care about you too?"

"Well who in the devil knows why!" Cinder snapped. "I mean! I mean! I- I tortured you! Threatened your friends! Sexually assaulted you! Fucking christ I even stripped you of your gender!" Cinder rambled and slightly began to spiral. "Brothers! I- you should not just not care! You should hate me! Loathe! Why the fuck did you save me! What the hell are you planning brat! What are you thinking?! That I'll just turn my back on everyone here! On MY family! I! I! I!" Cinder spun out and clearly began to loose herself, the grimm pulsating, a wounded beast eager to feed.

"Cinder." Joan stopped her by grabbing her hand. "Stop, the grimm. It's-"

"FUUCK!" Cinder screamed.

"It's ok." Joan's eyelids began to fall and her world darkened slowly.

"You idiot!" Cinder shrilled and stole her hand away. "You are empty! You can't- I! Why the hell are you trying to help me! What do you want! I! I!" Cinder huffed and snarled.

Joan stumbled back to the bed and fell into it. "I- don't want… don't want anything."

"Bullshit! No one does that without wanting something! I!" Cinder looked so scared, so paranoid so confused as she continued to ramble on and on. "... … … …" Cinder spun further and further, her expression only seeming to grow more and more terrified as Joan watched. Her hearing seemed to dull, and she slumped over in the bed. It was comfy, so comfy, and she was very tired. It would be ok if she just- "Joan!" Cinder lightly slapped Joan's cheek again.

"Oh, I- uugh…" Joan winced.

"Eat!" Cinder forced the remaining half apple into Cinder's mouth.

"Hmm? Oh? Mhmm, noce." Joan slurred into the apple as she slowly began to eat at it.

"So! So? What is it! What exactly do you want?! Why did you help me! I-"

Joan sat up as much as she could and take a moment to chew her food then swallow. "Cinder, I didn't do it for anything."

"Bullshit! No one does things for free like that!"

"They do when they care about someone else." Joan protested gently.

"No! Now! Just! Just tell me what you want!"

"Cinder, what could I even want? You said yourself, you saw me look back, I could have left; been free."

"I don't know! You probably want me to turn you back into a boy or something." Even Cinder didn't seem to believe it as she said it. "Or! Or! Maybe in your magical fucking dustmass land, you think we can just run off into the sunset together, and go be, the two of us happy little beacon brats! That I'll just turn on Watts, Mercury, Emerald, Tyrian, Neo, and Salem!"

"I… no, I don't want the first bit, but the rest of it does sound kind of nice. Still not why I helped you tho." Joan answered.

"Well! Sorry to break it to you, but it's not going to happen! Fat chance! Nope! Never! They! They are my family! The only ones who have ever Really loved me!"

"Which of them took your eye?"

"Sal- shut up! Salem took my eye to save me and to teach me a lesson!" Cinder sneered.

"Watts wanted me to anger you."

"What?"

"He wanted me to push you, to… to get you so worked up and mad that you lost to your grimm." Joan hesitated. She didn't know if this was right, if telling Cinder was the best choice. It could lead her into another anger spiral, but not telling her would leave her in danger. "When I was in with him after… after you had my girls removed… he figured something out and used it to bribe me. He offered to give me the operation I wanted and give me safe passage home if I waited to anger you and told him when you were turning. I- I almost did it too. I'm sorry. I am really sorry for that. I just- I really wanted to go home, but… I couldn't watch you in pain."

"So what! Every family has a rotten apple." Cinder turned her nose up, but Joan could still see a tear welling in Cinder's eye.

"Love isn't stealing someone's eye to trach a lesson."

"There- there's still everyone else!"

"I broke down because Mercury said he was going to rape and impregnate me." Joan answered what she knew would make Cinder snap.

"He what!?" Cinder broke. Her eye shot open with furious fire, the grimm rushing to crawl up her arm. "I'll kill him! He's dead! Gone! That bastard! I'll fucking feed him to every grimm I can find and!" Cinder began to storm off.

"Cinder!"

"I'll be right back, I just need to kill a legless bitch!"

"Cinder!" Joan yelled.

"I'll be right-"

"If you leave, I won't be here when you return."

"What?" Cinder spun on her heels.

"I don't have the collar anymore. I will run if you leave."

Cinder's hand of grimm twitched and cracked. She stood steady, and the monster that had become her arm seemed to shrink. She was fighting it. "Don't." A half broken sob pleaded.

"I don't want him dead. I just never want to have to see him ever again. And I certainly don't want you losing yourself to kill him! Especially not for me!" Joan shivered and began to shake. She knew defying Cinder like this was a risky choice, but she chose to believe; to believe in Cinder and that she would make the right choice.

"I don't know what I would do without you." Cinder's voice cracked and wavered. "Just…"

"Then don't. Don't hurt Mercury, don't hurt Watts, don't lose to that thing on your arm."

Cinder stood at the door, her back to Joan as she held her hand up and looked down to it. Joan couldn't see, but she could hear the sound of Cinder's tears hitting the ground.

"I- I think I can help you fight it off completely. I just need to get a good meal and rest some."

"You're going to run no matter what I do, won't you?" Cinder questioned distant and cold.

"I want to go home Cinder. I want to be with my family, the people who love me; not the deranged thing everyone here calls loving you."

"Is what you feel for me deranged? Would you still run if it wasn't?" Cinder asked. She sounded earnest and hurt; like she thought she already knew the answers.

"It's not normal." Joan admitted earnestly. It wasn't. Nothing was normal about how she felt for Cinder. It wasn't like the innocent affection she had harbored for Pyrrha. Not like the passion Yang and Blake held for each other. Not like the adoration, Weiss held for Ruby. It wasn't like any of those things. But… that didn't make it- "It's not deranged tho. Certainly not like Watts, Mercury, and especially not like Salem."

"She loves me! Like- like no one else ever has! Salem is the only one who has ever given the slightest shit about-" Cinder spun around to yell accusatorily at Joan.

"Is she the one who infected you with the grimm that almost killed you?" Joan interrupted solemn and cutting.

"I!"

"She's the one who took your eye, right? It helped you fight the grimm. So she must know more about it than anyone else."

"She loves me!" Cinder demanded the lie be true as tears streamed down her face.

"She hurt you."

"That is what love is!" Cinder yelled back.

"Do you hurt her?"

"No! Of course not!"

"Do you love her?"

"Of course!" Cinder bit her tongue.

"Then why don't you hurt her?"

"Because! I! I would never! She's given me everything and- and- and-"

"And taken your eye."

"So- so what!"

"So…" Joan sighed. "Is that the type of love you want?" With all her strength, Joan stood, grabbed her plate and began to pack food down her gullet as she walked to the closet.

"What are you doing!"

"Eating." Joan mumbled and swallowed. "Eating and packing." She knelt down and found a bag in the closet before pulling down some of the more mild dresses to throw in there.

"Where do you think you are going!"

Joan didn't answer, she just packed another dress into the bag and tossed it over her shoulder. "I have to go Cinder." Joan stood and turned to see the half maiden directly in front of her.

"Joan- Jaune, I- whatever you want- I- you don't have to-"

"Joan is fine." She answered confident. For the first time, Joan didn't fear Cinder learning her truth; that she was in fact a she rather than a he. Something in Cinder's eye told her that the half maiden couldn't manage the strength to weaponize the knowledge.

"Joan, you- you don't have to leave- I- you can stay, you can-"

"No Cinder. I can't." Joan looked around. "Love here- it is only ever bartered for; never given freely. I have nothing I can give."

"Joan, no. I- You- you can't leave."

"Then stop me." Joan tested.

"I! I will!"

"You won't." Joan stepped closer, so close they could feel each other's breath on their cheeks. "I never expected to enjoy my time here. I didn't enjoy most of it. But these past months?" Joan moved to her tippy toes to kiss Cinder's cheek; to kiss away a stream of tears. "I suspect you've figured it out by now, but it's not just because you helped me see… helped me be me- and I will always owe you for that." Joan kissed Cinder's cheek again, reluctant to finish because she knew what finishing meant. "It was the times when you haven't been trying to be someone else? When you were willing to relax and be happy; be gentle. I will always cherish those memories. Yesterday and last night most of all."

"J- Joan, don't- just don't! You- you can."

"I'm sorry I couldn't give you what you wanted Cinder." Joan allowed herself one more kiss, one more stall, one more chance for Cinder to change her mind. "But I can not stay. I just can't, and I don't believe you will stop me. I want to believe you won't." Joan's voice quivered but she forced herself to be strong. "Come with me." She made her plea. "It won't be easy and you will have to earn everyone's trust; but you have mine. Tell me you won't hurt Pyrrha and I will take you to her and everyone else. Leave this, find a new family; a new lov-" Joan tried to take Cinder's hand but she pulled it away.

"I- I'll stop you! I'll fix the collar! I-" Cinder protested and stepped back.

"No, you won't." Joan stepped forward. "You love me, and you will let me go. The same way I will you if you want to stay." She paused. "If you change your mind, find me. Years from now if need be. Find me; without blood on your hands. I don't want Mercury or Watts to die for what I told you! I- but… if you change your mind, find me. Find me, and I'll find you a real family; a home."

"Joan!" Cinder pleaded.

"Goodbye." Joan broke her promise to herself and kissed Cinder's lips ever so gently. Cinder said nothing, she didn't respond, she didn't react, she just stood there, silently crying as if in shock. "Goodbye." Joan repeated and took the first step around Cinder.

Joan proceed to the door, cracked it open and checked in either direction. It was clear. The grimm castle's windows still overlooked a wide expanse of dead fields and barely living forests. With all the aura she could muster, Joan readied to try and break it with her hand, but it shattered on its own. No. Not on it's own, it had been super heated from its center, causing it to shatter.

"Go south. Find the river and follow it west. There's a boat; it comes every night at dusk. You hide on it and it will take you to Vale." Cinder called out, all without turning back to see Joan. "Cross the river as soon as you find it. The grimm Salem has here do not cross water well. The won't be able to sniff you out if you-"

"Come with me." Joan asked one more time.

"Run! You run now! Run or I'll hunt you! I'll collar you and drag you back here! I'll-" Cinder choked on her lies and Joan knew it was time to run.

End of Chapter 27