A/N: Thank you so much to those who are still reading this! I know it's been a long ride but we are super close to being done. I anticipate one or two more chapters at the most. Yay! Btw, more adult language here because of Kendall's temper, but I think he's pretty justified!
Moon blinked stupidly at the screens in front of him. There was Kendall Knight, armed with a golf club, destroying shelf after shelf of his prized Lego Architecture Sets. With one enormous swipe, the boy smashed through the Great Pyramid of Giza, the Taj Mahal and the White House. The shaggy-haired leader paused to smile in satisfaction at the destruction. Then he stalked toward the Lego Ideas section.
"No," Atticus said, even thought he knew Kendall couldn't hear him, "Not the - "
Seconds later, his Lego Ideas Vincent Van Gogh's Starry Night (with additional light kit) blew apart, sending sharp-edged pieces scattering across the floor in an incredibly beautiful explosion. Moon was aghast.
"How could anyone - even a teenager - have that little respect for a work of art?" Moon whispered somewhat dramatically. He hadn't actually assembled the set himself, but it had a special place in his heart just the same.
The smaller boy, Carlisle or something like that, seemed to appreciate the true disaster that was taking place. He was almost crying. Sensible boy.
"I don't understand," Rosie said from behind him. Moon kept himself from jumping... mostly. The Bearded Lady had an annoying habit of creeping up on him. "How did they end up in there? How did they find the Super-Secret Entrance? I mean, I don't even know where it is."
Agitatedly, Moon snapped out, "How else do you think? Catgirl wasn't happy simply killing my deadliest and most valuable crew member...oh, no offense."
"None taken," Rosie said. "Anton was way more scary than all of us. Something about his eyes," she said with a shudder.
"True. Where was I? Oh, yes. Catgirl wasn't happy simply killing my most valuable crew member - "
"Boss, you already said that," Smitty, the tattooed man said.
Moon paused to massage his forehead. "Do you actually think I have as little brains as you do?"
Smitty looked thoughtful, which wrinkled the constellation map tattoo that began on his forehead. It was really the most interesting thing about the skinny fun-loving carny - that he'd chosen to tattoo the star Centaurus on his forehead and the rest of a map of stars all over his bald head. It must have been painful, but how perfectly appropriate for one of Moon's henchmen to be star-themed!
Perhaps that was where Moon went wrong with Anton the clown. And Catgirl! He should have insisted that all of his employees embrace his chosen villainous theme of Astrological symbols! Definitely something to think about in the future.
"Uh...yeah. I said, 'No, boss,'" Smitty said, looking puzzled. Moon realized that he'd been quiet for too long.
"Where was I? Ah yes, Catgirl. She has betrayed me even further by leading my nemesis and his bandmates into my inner sanctum - "
Smitty snickered. "Sounds kinda' painful." Rosie cackled and Little John, the Evil Spitting Dwarf joined in. Alice, the beautiful contortionist, hushed them.
"Oh goodie, the whole gang's here. As I was saying, Catgirl's betrayal has forced me to officially withdraw her sidekick status. If you see her...feel free to take revenge. As for the band Big Time Rrrrrush, I will deal with them, especially the rebel leader. But let the little one alone. I need a new sidekick. Maybe he will join us," Moon said, smiling with a new gleam in his eyes. "After all, I have every Lego set ever made and I will need someone to help rebuild what was destroyed.
Carlos was beside himself. He loved Kendall more than life itself - more than corn dogs - and it was a severe test of that love to watch him right now.
"Don't!" he yelped at half-volume when Kendall raised the golf club over the Mould King Dutchman Pirate Ship (with three masts dripping with battered sails and retractable artillery)!
Kendall obliterated it in seconds and moved on to -
"No! Not Hogwarts!" Carlos shouted, looking ahead to the enormous and beautiful Lego set featuring the large castle surrounded by a lake with mermaids and a huge Whomping Willow tree that was now...gone. Carlos whimpered. The castle would be next...
Penny was watching James slowly put a fry into his mouth. He had been starving after going nearly twenty-four hours without food, but the pain from his wounds was taking its toll. His cheeks had lost the rosiness they had gained in the difficult walk to the atrium and now his eyes had gone unfocused again. Not even the loud sounds from Kendall's one-man deconstruction project could get his attention.
Camile had left minutes ago to find another solution for James' pain and hadn't returned, so Penny was going to have to handle this one. "I'll be right back," she said to James but he didn't respond. Then she strode over to Carlos, who was biting a knuckle in order to keep himself in check.
"I can't look anymore," Carlos told her, spinning away from the destruction. She patted him on the shoulder and continued on to the Lego Super-Glorious Display Room which held - or used to hold - completed models of all of Legos' best designs. Only half of them remained intact and Kendall was showing no signs of stopping. She steeled herself. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
"Kendall," she shouted at his back, "It's James! He needs you right now!"
Kendall cocked his head and then shook it as if trying to dislodge the fury that had driven him to attack Moon's trophies as soon as he finished eating. "James?" he asked, then spun, his gaze zeroed in on his friend wilting at the table. He pushed past Penny and thrust the golf club at Carlos before jogging over.
"James," he asked breathlessly, kneeling to look up at his friend's pale face. It only took him an instant. "You're about to pass out," he said, standing and taking James' arm. "Let's go."
James stirred and shook his head, " I don't want to go back to bed. I just...got here... "
"I know," Kendall said as he carefully pulled James to his feet. "There's a couch right over there, okay," he said soothingly. Penny placed herself under James' shoulder on the other side, smiling at the cute pout on James' face.
"I don't want to lie down."
"Jay. You have to let your body recover," Kendall said. "And we've gotta' find you a shirt." he muttered as he and Penny maneuvered James toward the sitting area by the far wall. At least the couch looked brand new and super comfy, not that James cared.
"This is...so...stupid," he insisted, his words slow in coming. As they neared the sitting area, his weak legs started collapsing every other step.
"We should hurry," Penny said between grunts.
"Watch out," Kendall said sharply, turning to grab James around his chest as he fell forward, completely limp. After taking a breath, they laid him down. Kendall knelt, studying his pale, unconscious friend.
Penny brushed James' hair back and kissed his forehead, struggling to contain her emotions. Even Carlos had gone quiet.
And that's when Atticus Moon started talking.
"Oh, lookee what we have here," an irritating voice said, filling the atrium. "Three members of Big Time Rrrush, all that's left of a once-proud band of spunky American teens."
"Why are you talking like Logan's dead? He's not dead!" Carlos yelled to the ceiling. "He's fine- no thanks to you!"
Kendall's hand bunched into a fist but he didn't move, his head bowed.
Penny studied the security camera pointed at them. Catgirl had found a way to bypass them earlier, but apparently Moon had them working properly again. "Atticus Moon," Penny said. "What rock did you crawl out from under?"
"Rock?" Moon chortled, and Penny could just visualize the stupidly smug look on his face. "How out of touch you are! I just 'crawled' out of my sauna and had a seaweed wrap and a cool bath, so that I am refreshed and ready to deal with all of these...difficulties. Now. Where is my ex-sidekick? I want to see her highly traitorous face."
"Aw, did you miss me, Moony?" Catgirl said as she walked in carrying a shirt and a thick black vest with interesting electronic read-outs and buttons on it. "And how long did it take you to come up with that sad insult - 'highly traitorous?'"
"It does lack a certain...sophistication," Penny agreed. Catgirl nodded and pulled out a weapon, quickly tossing it her way. Penny caught it and inspected the stun/laser weapon before slipping in an unoccupied holster on her right thigh.
Moon was already talking. "I am not currently taking constructive criticism from someone who is a coward and a liar and consorts with the enemy! Indeed. I am very angry with you, Catgirl. If you want to be taken back into my good graces, you had better start explaining your behavior, young lady."
Catgirl tilted her head. "Well. It's pretty simple. I had thought I could learn something from you since you almost succeeded in forcing the world to pay ransom for the Moon. But the more time I spent with you, the more I realized you're a needy, narcissistic megalomaniac."
"How dare you, you - "
"ENOUGH!" Kendall yelled, stalking toward the security camera. "Where are you, Moon? Hiding behind that camera? Hiding behind all your filthy money?"
"Well - yes! It's so much fun to be me right now," Moon said.
"Show your ugly face, Moon!"
"Ugly?" he said in an offended tone.
"I wanna' see you when I say this," Kendall said, seething. "I want to make sure you understand every syllable."
Penny exchanged a wide-eyed look with Catgirl.
Seconds later, a whirring sound came from the ceiling and everyone scrambled.
"I'll save you!" Carlos yelled as he positioned himself over James.
"Why? What...what is it?" James said, suddenly awake and trying to sit up.
"I don't know but it doesn't matter. I'll save you!"
Kendall and Penny also positioned themselves between James and the noise.
"Guys. I can't see anything," James whined before giving up and staring at the backs of all of his friends.
After a tense few moments, they relaxed. "It's just a screen," Kendall said to James.
"Oh - so scary," James snarked back. Kendall gave him a deep eyebrow frown.
The screen had unfolded to its full twenty feet by ten feet length and even James could now see Moon looking at them cockily, one eyebrow raised. "Now you see me." Moon leaned forward, revealing the strange group of people standing behind him.
Carlos gasped. "That's the tattoo guy! I remember him!" Smitty smirked and waved a hand cheerily.
"What tattoo guy? I can't see!" James hissed.
"Let's get you up," Penny said, turning to help him sit up. Then James could peek around Carlos.
"Well-spotted!" Moon said with enthusiasm. "This is Smitty, the Tattooed Man, and Rosie, our Bearded Lady, Alice the Lovely Contortionist and, of course, Little John, the Evil Spitting Dwarf - just some of my circus crew. Now, can we please get on with your surrender and an apology for the wanton destruction of my private property as well as an offer to rebuild my Lego sets and to replace my ex-sidekick, perhaps? Just for starters."
Kendall seethed. "You don't deserve any of that, you sadistic bastard!"
"Oh my. Are we allowed to veer off into PG-13 territory now? I wasn't aware."
"Fuck you, Moon! For what you have done to us, our fans, and our family -"
"And to James!" Carlos yelled.
Moon went wide-eyed. "Now see here! I didn't touch the young man - "
"I am going to end you," Kendall finished with a steely-eyed glare.
"Well I hardly think this is - "
"I don't give a fuck what you think!"
Moon stood up, his face nearly off camera. "This is not an appropriate - "
"I am coming after you and I will not stop until you have nothing left - NOTHING!"
"Holy shit," James whispered from the couch.
Catgirl crossed her arms and smirked. "Moon, you're going to need a tougher crew."
The villain appeared shaken. He pulled back from the screen, apparently not sure what to do with his hands. "Nonsense. This is my mansion, my automated mansion and you will never FIND me, much less take rrrrrevenge on me here." He straightened again. "I will have the house itself take care of you, as it does with all rrrodents who make it inside these walls."
"Poor Moon," Catgirl said lightly, smiling at Penny.
Penny turned to Moon. "I'm sorry to say that you're developing a nervous tic of rolling your 'r's when you're upset." Moon looked thunderstruck.
"And you're going to stay upset now that I've switched sides," Catgirl added. "After all, I know where you keep everything, Moon - your plans, your money, your passwords - everything."
"Catgirl!" Moon thundered, his face replaced by a close-up of his chest. "I will not have this insubordination! I will not! There she is!" He spun around to the motley crew behind him. "Go and get her!"
"But Boss, you're juicing up the security system," the Tattooed Guy said, Moon's back blocking the view of him. "I don't want to go in there."
Moon was vibrating with rage. "Did I ask what you wanted? Cease this sniveling and go and get her before she ruins everything!" The circus folks started moving then, but couldn't even agree on which way to go.
"Yeah, you'd better come and stop me," Catgirl agreed. "After all, I know what will hurt you the most." She drew closer to Kendall and whispered in his ear.
Moon spun around and bent over the desk, his lavender tie askew and his eyes wild. "CATGIRL! Don't you dare tell him anything!"
Kendall looked up at the camera with an evil smile. "You're going to be sorry you ever met me."
Moon leaned closer to the camera, his face turning bright red. "I already am you idiotic, penniless, dancing puppet of a boy with terrible hair and an inscrutable affection for plaid!"
"Hey!" Carlos said, jumping forward. "Now you're just being mean!"
"No, it actually is inscrutable," Catgirl said agreeably.
"Or stupid," James said, ignoring Kendall's glare.
Moon raked a hand through his increasingly wild hair. "That's it! I am activating the Mansion's Superrrr Secret Security System and you - "
Silence fell as the screen went black; the camera was dead.
"Nice shot," Catgirl said.
Smiling, Penny holstered her newly-acquired ray gun. "MI-6 training does come in handy every now and then."
After taking a few deep breaths, Kendall turned to Catgirl. "So let me get this straight: Moon has an actual Cat Room?"
"Yes," she giggles, "he goes on and on about how hard it was to cure his cat addiction, but he didn't! He has sixty to seventy cats in a secret habitat on the third floor and goes to play with them at least once a day when he says he's doing other things. I think it's one reason he's such a sucker for this identity - Catgirl."
Carlos stared at her a moment. "That's so weird."
"What's so weird?" Kendall asked.
"For a second there, she sounded just like...Camile."
"Oh," Catgirl said, pausing. "Well, there's a good reason for that." Slowly she pulled off her mask, revealing a sweet, familiar face with a lot of dark, dramatic eye make-up. "Hi guys."
Carlos gasped and pointed, shocked speechless.
Kendall shook his head, wide-eyed. "But how did you - you're not - but weren't you - and Logan didn't even - how did this happen?"
Camile smiled sheepishly. "I was researching villains for an audition in January, and I saw this ad from Atticus Moon in Villain Weekly. I mean, how dumb, right? He wanted a sidekick and I figured, why not? I could learn a few insider tricks and maybe find ways to protect you guys at the same time. But...I kinda' forgot who I was. I became Catgirl and did some kinda' questionable things...like spray-painting your bus. And maybe planting a few rat-controlling devices in a concert venue? And...I kissed a carnie and also shot you guys with knockout darts. Sorry," she added. "As soon as I saw that you guys were in real danger, I couldn't go on. My instincts told me to save you so I started working against Moon. I didn't remember who I was until James recognized me."
"You're a better actress than I realized. And - thank you, for everything," Kendall said sincerely.
"Save your thanks; it's not over yet." Camile gave a brief smile before putting her mask back on.
Carlos sniffled. "This is so cool. I need a hug. I wish Logan was here."
From the couch, James lifted a hand slowly. "I'm here. I give hugs, if you'll help me up."
Carlos was happy to do so and to give him a gentle hug. "I'm so glad you're here and not dead."
James chuckled as he winced. "Not as happy as I am."
Kendall gave him a once over. "You ready for this?"
"As long as that shirt is for me," he said, gesturing to the shirt and vest Catgirl had brought in. "Lead on." Kendall reached out to Catgirl and she tossed him the brown shirt.
"Oh good. It's your color," Kendall said before passing it to James. Carlos snickered.
They often teased James because he thought every color was his color. But who could blame him? The fact was that he did look striking in brown. Plus there was nothing covering James' chest except bandages, which wasn't really a good look, and did little to hold in heat. Someone had dressed him in sweatpants (which had to have been Catgirl, but James was ignoring that for now) because his jeans had been slashed and bloody and frankly he was happy to be out of them.
"Catgirl? What is this?" Penny was holding up the strange vest that Catgirl had brought from the back of the Fallout Shelter.
"It's a prototype medical vest. It's equipped to do hot and cold treatments alternating, as well as a few other medical things I couldn't understand."
James looked unsure as Carlos helped him get his arm through the second sleeve of the shirt. "So we're not sure exactly what it will do?"
Catgirl waited until he was dressed before holding up the vest for him to try on. "It's like a heating pad for your torso. It will help."
Kendall frowned as he thought it over. "Put it on, James. We have to move fast. Moon is going to have his circus gang and his whole house trying to stop us. Wow," he said, pausing, "now there's something I never thought I'd say."
While Catgirl and Carlos helped James get the vest on, Penny moved over to Kendall. She was curious. "I thought you were completely focused on finding Moon and getting revenge."
Kendall gave a fleeting smile. "Nah. I just wanted to rattle his cage. He's dumber when he's angry. Right now, we have to get James out safely."
"And everyone else, too," James added.
"Of course," Kendall agreed.
But James recognized the dangerous glint in his eyes. Their leader was not concerned about getting himself out safely...if at all. That overactive guilt complex was still riding high. "Kendallll," he said worriedly.
"Jaaa-mes," Kendall mimicked back to him softly, trying to reassure him with a small smile.
"I should have realized you were a strategist," Penny said with a smile. "It's a relief to hear you say that."
"Okay," Kendall said, snapping into Leader Mode. "Were there more weapons back there? We have no idea what Moon is going to throw at us."
Catgirl shrugged. "Sure. The arsenal is down the hall on the left and it's pretty well organized. Let's go."
Kendall gave Carlos a nod and they both followed her.
"Get me something cool, too," James called after them and Kendall laughed, which probably meant it was not going to be cool. "Dude. I can shoot things, too!" But he didn't reply as they disappeared around the corner.
Penny moved closer to zip up James' vest. "I can go find you something if you'd rather."
"Yes, please," James said with a brighter smile than he'd managed yet today.
Honestly - boys and weapons, Penny thought. "On second thought, perhaps you should concentrate on staying safe more than on taking down bad guys. We don't want to have to carry you out of here." James grimaced and nodded his agreement. Penny turned her attention to the black, puffy vest. There was a curious control panel on the left side. "Now. Are you ready to try this out?"
"Let her rip."
"Come again?"
"Uh...go ahead," James explained.
Penny pushed the ON button and cycled the MODE setting to HEAT. It began warming immediately.
"Wow. That works...very well." James closed his eyes and appeared to be breathing easier. "Nice."
The panel began to flash with numbers. "Impressive. It's apparently able to read your blood pressure. And your body temperature."
"Oh. And am I hot?" James asked without missing a beat. Penny looked up in surprise to catch the dark gleam in his eyes. He was obviously feeling somewhat better.
"You're definitely feverish," she said with a raised eyebrow. "We might need to - "
"Ow!" James jerked away from her and slapped a hand to his chest, then grimaced as pain reverberated through his torso. "I think it just gave me a shot. Why did it give me a shot?"
Penny read the flashing words on the control panel. "I believe that was antibiotics. Brilliant. That's just what you needed."
"But I hate shots," he whined. "I don't want my clothes giving me shots! Help me take off - OUCH!" James jerked and slapped a hand to the other side of his chest. "STOP giving me SHOTS!"
Penny held onto the shaking James as she read the panel. "Oh. My. That was pain medicine."
"What the...ohhhhhh." Slowly James sat down, blinking heavily.
Penny's eyes widened. "Wait! Are you allergic to any medicine, any antibiotics? Do you know? James?"
"Whaaaaat?" He looked up at her with wide eyes, the bruises on his neck standing out darkly against his pallid skin.
The others were returning so Penny turned to them. "Kendall, is James allergic to any antibiotics or pain medicine?"
"Nope, he's good. Why?" Kendall stood there, wrapped in so much weaponry that Penny had to stare. "What? I need all this stuff. We're about to fight a mansion."
"James' vest just gave him a shot of antibiotics and a shot of pain medicine."
"It keeps poking me! I hate shots! Buut really, it is kinda' awwesome," James said slowly, giving them a thumbs-up.
Catgirl frowned as she walked over to James. "That's not good. You have to be careful."
"Okay," he said, shrugging agreeably.
"James. Even if you can't feel them, you still have cuts trying to heal. Don't do anything stupid."
"Stupid," he scoffed. "Look who you're talking to. I'm not stupid. I'm the Smart One, remember?"
Kendall and Carlos exchanged glances. "Uh-oh," Carlos said.
Penny knelt by him again, putting her hand on his knee. "Darling, you're not the Smart One."
James frowned and looked over at her. "I'm not?"
"No . You're the Pretty One, remember?"
"Oh yeah...I'm extra Hot," he said with a dreamy smile. "And this shirt is my color," he added proudly. "Kendall said so."
Kendall rolled his eyes. "James, can you stand?"
James blinked a few times. "Of course. Who do you think I am - the Stupid One?" He cracked himself up.
"We have a Stupid One?" Carlos asked, frowning.
"Yeah. 'course we do. We have alllll the Ones."
"So then is it me? Am I the Stupid One?" Carlos asked in a voice that meant he was really close to being upset.
"What? Noooo buddy. It's not you," James said soothingly, "no way."
"Well, it's not Logan."
"Nope. Definitely not Logan," James agreed.
"And it's not Kendall."
"Nope. Not Kendall, even though he does stink at math."
Kendall crossed his arms and raised his eyebrows, waiting to see where James was going with this.
Carlos continued, "So if it's not Logan or Kendall or me, then - who is it?"
"Wait - is it me?" James went wide-eyed. "Am I the Stupid One?"
"Right. Moving on. I'm not sure if he's better off or worse now, but we have to move," Kendall said quickly. "Penny, you're on James-duty. We may have to take that vest off, but for now, I think it's better on."
"He said doodee," James whispered to Carlos, who cracked up.
"Okay, we have our equipment and we know where we're going. Right?"
"Right," Catgirl answered. "We're - "
"Sorry. One quick question," Penny said, pointing to Carlos. "Is that a flamethrower?"
"He got a flamethrower?" James asked, outraged.
"So?" Carlos looked at them mutinously, holding a large, hosed weapon attached to a backpack snug on his shoulders. "I need it!"
"He promised to only use it when Kendall said he could," Catgirl answered, sounding more like Camile than she usually did.
"And come on," Kendall said, shrugging. "we're fighting a house! Who knows what we'll need to destroy?"
"...he used his puppy dog eyes on you, didn't he?" James asked.
"Possibly," Kendall admitted, fiddling with the strange, long weapon in his hand.
"And you really brought me nothing back?"
"Yes. Because you are toasted, Jay. High as a kite and more likely to hit us than someone you're actually aiming at."
"...that might be true," James admitted.
"Oh. I brought you some grenades," Catgirl said to Penny, holding them out. "Thought you could use these."
Penny took them after a hesitation. "I usually prefer hand-to-hand combat."
"Right. But Kendall's got a point : we're going to be fighting a mansion, not people."
"Which is why I have a flamethrower,," Carlos said, looking super-satisfied with himself.
"And I have a chainsaw," Kendall said, raising the slim, engine-enabled saw from where it hung off a strap on his shoulder. "Do you know how much these things cost?"
"Don't you have an even tinier chainsaw I could hold?" James said hopefully.
"No," everyone said in return.
"I never get weapons," James pouted.
"But you do get the girl," Penny said from beside him, snuggling closer to make him feel better. And he did, of course. It was nice being warm, in far less pain, and being identified as the Pretty One (Not the Stupid One) who had a hot secret agent girlfriend. The only thing that could make him happier was if Logan was here, too. James paused to frown. But then Logan would be scared and on the run from an evil house, too. That would be bad. So no, it wouldn't make him happier.
"So we're heading for the Cat Room, right?" Kendall asked, pulling James' attention back to the moment.
"Yes. On the third floor. We can get there by accessing the old servants' staircase."
"How do we get to it?" Kendall asked.
"We have to cross the first floor, dodging all the traps on the way. No problem," Catgirl said with a shrug. But she understood why Kendall's gaze strayed to James in concern.
"And then we get to see the kitties, right?" Carlos said.
"Kitties!" James echoed happily.
Kendall sighed. "Yes, it's all part of the plan. Now, let's go. Carlos, take the rear."
Catgirl strode forward and everyone fell in behind her, Carlos last.
"Quiet, darling," Penny chided. James was snickering as she gently pushed him in front of her.
"He said...take the rear," James said as quietly as he could.
Penny smiled as she began watching her peripherals. It would be nice if James could actually focus, but at least he wasn't in so much pain.
A/N: Hated to stop it there, but we're winding up to the climax and the denouement! Next up: BTR versus Moon's Mansion!