A dull grogginess filled the entire being of a small child, pinned under the weight of a heavy blanket, only just waking up from the throes of peaceful, deep sleep. His bleary eyes didn't recognise his surroundings for a short while, the noble white walls adorned with littering of gold an alien sight.
For years, Natsuki Subaru had awoken alongside the warmth of his parents, their bed not fancy or expensive, but the love and affection pouring from his mother and father as they slept, huddled side by side, was more than enough to battle them through cold winter nights.
But now, that wasn't the case. The deep warmth of familial love was gone, leaving a mere void in Subaru's heart, that had instead been filled by a newfound determination and passion.
A determination to make them proud, to fight back against those who had taken advantage of his race for so long. A determination, a sheer will to fight and battle, to garner his strength and support - to make them proud.
His head slowly cleared, and his eyes slowly adjusted to the early rays of the morning sun which broke the curtain's cover, escaping into the room and over Subaru's tired body. He rubbed his eyes roughly, blinking them a few times before taking a large, cat-like stretch, loosening his muscles after his first calm slumber in several evenings.
He hadn't actually looked around his room the night before, simply changing and crawling onto the monstrous bed. At first glance, it looked identical to Emilia's bedroom, which he had stayed in for a short while, but there were some differences which caught Subaru's attention.
Whilst the room itself was smaller, the bed was actually larger than Emilia's, and his blankets were much heavier. He had a grand bookcase like Emilia in one corner, but a smaller desk, obviously due to the fact that Emilia spent her days and nights studying, whereas Subaru would only have to spend his evenings.
Subaru glanced around, still firmly planted in his bed, albeit now sat up, observing the rather impressive quarters he would be living in for the foreseeable future. Already, he saw stacks of books piled onto the shelves, a tray of writing utensils neatly placed onto the dark oak wood desk, and numerous writing journals next to them.
''Great, this is gonna be interesting,'' Subaru muttered, scratching his elongated ears, a proud symbol of his elven heritage. ''What did Ros-chi say again...politics was one of them? Maybe science...I'll have to ask him later.''
A key part of Subaru's Knight training was in the classroom, and, because of this, he would have to pick up the many books he had been given, spending his evenings studying. Politics, religion, economics, sciences, mathematics...a Knight shouldn't just be strong but also wise, they are a symbol of absolute courage and might, after all.
If he didn't have the knowledge, he wouldn't even be able to pass the written exams needed to make Roswaal's eventual recommendation valid. Outside recommendations were heavily scrutinised and Roswaal's status as Court Mage wouldn't matter much when his Knighthood candidate was...half-elven.
But alas, it was taken as a challenge rather than an impossible obstacle by those helping him in his journey, so he would have all the support he needed along the way. The best people to surround yourself with when you're of a hated Demi-human race are other Demi-humans, after all.
As Subaru was lost in thought, a sudden, unexpected noise made him jump out of his skin. He was only able to croak out a weak 'come in' as the complete and utter surprise snapped him out of his early morning daydreams.
Emerging from the door at the far side of the room, a tall, pretty maid, one with long golden locks and gorgeous emerald eyes, smiled at Subaru, a pile of white fabrics in her arms. She walked gracefully towards the bed, dutifully placing the neatly folded clothing at its foot.
Stepping back and facing the confused-looking young man, the maid, Frederica, bowed gently, ''Good morning, Subaru-sama. I do hope you slept well. I brought your more practical clothing here, but you have a variety of options in the wardrobe should you be dissatisfied with the standard wear.''
''Ah, good morning, Frederica. T-Thank you for the clothes...how do you know my measurements...how do you have all these clothes already…?'' Subaru inquired, genuinely confused and concerned as to how they had tailored such fine clothing for him seemingly overnight, and how they even got his measurements.
Frederica merely smiled, bowing again before turning on her heels, heading back towards the door. Over her shoulder, she called back at a flabbergasted Subaru:
''Breakfast is in an hour and a half, Subaru-sama. Please join us.''
Subaru didn't respond, he just simply stared at the maid as she closed his door with a satisfying click. He breathed a defeated sigh.
''Well, nuisances aside, I may as well get ready,'' he admitted, pushing the covers off of his frame, swinging his long legs over the edge of the bed, and hopping onto the fluffy purple rug.
Dutifully making his bed, he stretched once more, touching his toes and scratching his ass, before pushing on the white slippers by the bedside table.
''Comfy...I've never had slippers before, but mother used to wear them,'' Subaru mused, picking up the red book he had left atop the bedside table, feeling it's weight in his hands.
He went to turn its cover but hesitated, electing to place it back where he had originally put it. Instead, he walked to where Frederica had placed his clothing neatly. His pyjamas were rather comfortable, but as the maid had said, these were the standard clothes of a Knight in training, how exciting this was.
Noble whites and purples formed the sharp garments, the crest of the Mathers family sewn into the collar of the shirt he picked from the pile, as well as literally everything else.
''The clown is insistent, huh.'' he thought as he dropped the article of clothing in his hand, beginning the next phase of his regular and preferred morning routine.
To have an en suite bathroom was a luxury not found within village houses, but Subaru wouldn't be surprised if each and every room in the entire damn mansion had one.
Pushing the door open, he stepped inside his personal washroom, catching his reflection in the mirror, the mess of hair crowning his head inciting a small giggle from the boy.
His parents stressed the importance of beauty and self care, his genetics brought him natural glamour but he had to take care of himself, it was critical. He ran the tap as usual, grabbing a washcloth from the cupboard and wetting it gently with the lukewarm water. He pushed his hair behind his pointed ears before carefully cleaning his face and neck, removing his shirt to avoid dampening it accidentally.
He was always meticulous with this part of his morning routine. He had suffered countless scoldings from his parents whenever he chose to be lazy many moons ago, so it was ingrained into his soul that a good wash and clean was of utmost importance each and every morning and night.
Stopping the flowing water and dumping his towel into the marble basin, he looked back at the mirror, defogging it with his sleeve before addressing his...hair? More like a bird's nest. He had been lazy last night, climbing into bed without a care in the world had its consequences.
He began to reach for the brush he had been given, but stopped, his mind flashing back to an interaction he had had just the day before, one with a girl he had grown to be wonderful friends with in such a short amount of time.
''Would she really want to...screw it, it won't hurt to ask.'' he mumbled, a mild blush forming on his face as he twiddled with his hair, exiting the bathroom and walking back to the bed.
As he separated and laid out the various articles of clothing he had been generously given, he once again received a knock, this time more timid and nervous.
''Come in,'' he called lazily, focused on ensuring his clothes stayed creaseless and perfect. A Knight should always look sharp and presentable, after all.
As he fiddled with the white pants, looping a matching white leather belt with a heavy gold buckle through them, the door opened gently. Subaru glanced up to notice the girl and immediately dropped what he was doing.
''Good morning, Subaru. Sleep well?'' A silver bell chimed as she fully entered the room, gently clicking the door shut as she eased towards a smiling Subaru.
''Better than I have in a while, Lia...i-it's nice to see you so early. Have you come for anything in particular?'' Subaru grinned, his cheesy smile contagious.
''I just thought I'd check up on the best Knight in training that's all,'' she replied, but was confused as to the fresh look of inquisition on Subaru's face.
''Where's Puck, did I do something wrong?'' he asked, a look of concern and fear spreading before instantly collapsing as Emilia burst into a light laugh.
''No silly, I asked him to get some extra rest after he finished with my hair this morning. Puck shouldn't be anything but fond of you, Subaru,'' she beamed, poking his cheek softly with her index finger. ''I'd have to give Puck a rather stern talking to if he did act coldly, w-we're f-friends after all…''
Emilia's sudden shyness made Subaru's tensions drop dramatically, a soft smile gracing his cheeks.
''O-Okie, what a lazy kitten,'' Subaru teased, tapping the emerald-green gemstone dangling on a svelte silver chain around her neck - the home of the cutesy cat spirit. ''Anyway, L-Lia I had a question to ask you…''
Both elves instinctively twiddled with their hair. The embarrassment they each felt was rather uncomfortable, leaving them unable to meet eyes.
Stuttering, Subaru timidly enquired, ''E-Emilia...c-could you maybe...could you maybe help me with my hair. M-My mother would always help me, so I'm not too good at these things…''
Subaru looked distraught. Asking a girl he had just met, no matter how well they meshed, to do personal things such as grooming and self care was embarrassing beyond words. However, to his utter surprise, Emilia merely smiled, flicking his forehead gently.
''Dunderhead, I should be the one asking you,'' Emilia chimed, her voice jovial and gleeful but also relieved as she didn't have to actually ask him herself. ''Come sit, I'll go fetch a brush and a comb...okie?''
Without words, the red-faced young boy scooted over to his bed, folding his legs underneath him, waiting patiently. This wasn't an unfamiliar routine, but it felt far different from when his mother would do it. He felt nervous, excited over something trivial.
Emilia shuffled into the bathroom identical to her own, grabbing the rather weighty gold hairbrush and a fine tooth comb. It was cast in solid silver, a sign of the margrave's excessive wealth.
''What's the point in these.'' Emilia pondered in her head, the gross waste of money still genuinely disgusting a small part of her. Shrugging her slender shoulders, she turned and walked back towards Subaru, her face bright and giddy.
She placed the comb and brush on his bed before climbing on, shuffling just behind him and mirroring his comfortable sitting position. His flowing hair was now easily accessible to Emilia, who couldn't help but fawn at how gorgeous it was despite his bed head.
Without a word, she swiftly separated his locks into three sections, taking up the brush and carefully running it through the strands of silver, methodically untangling the knots and lugs.
His few moans of discomfort as she accidentally pulled at his scalp were met with sincere apology, Emilia's technique was not perfect nor refined, so his pain was expressed more times than she had wanted.
''Owowowow Emilia that hurts, I think you actually just tore my hair out!'' Subaru whined. His childish complaints were met with teasing giggles from Emilia, who never once stopped running the brush through his hair, dutifully ridding it of its imperfections.
''Sorry sorry, but you should be more careful on an evening, you'll ruin your hair if you let it get this bad mister,'' Emilia scolded, pinching his pointed ear teasingly.
''It was late and I was tired, I don't have a Puck to tell me to do things like this,'' he retorted, pouting his bottom lip,
''Anyway, it's not that bad, it's certainly been worse...one time, me and my friends went to the forest to collect berries and I fell in a puddle of mud. It took my mother a full day to clean and untangle my hair!'' he reminisced, his laughter warming Emilia's heart.
''I can bet, your hair is sooooo long Subaru, imagine how much effort that must have taken...did your mother have long hair, Subaru?'' Emilia tested, hoping she didn't disrupt anything within Subaru's mind with her rather personal question.
''Hell yeah, my mum was wonderful...she had super pretty hair, long like mine. It was really shiny! She'd do my hair like this each morning, singing songs and teaching me about the spirits...they were times I treasured.'' Subaru sighed, his smile never once fading as his memories were not upsetting but rather brimmed with joy, passion.
Even once Subaru's hair had untangled and was back to its smooth brilliance, Emilia still passively ran the brush through his silver mane, humming to herself in an offbeat tune.
She occasionally graced her slender fingertips through the lengths of his hair, it's silky softness soothing to Emilia.
''Say Subaru, this doesn't have to be a one off thing, I'm rather enjoying this you know…'' Emilia mumbled, to which her fellow half-elf hummed, consumed in utter bliss.
He couldn't have imagined how nice it felt to have a brush run through his hair so tenderly, with such careful passion that it felt not like a chore but a genuinely enjoyable time.
His mother, how she was simply fantastic. Village life was quaint, and she always made the time in the morning to detangle and care for Subaru's lush hair. But she was quick with it, hastily thrashing out knots, trying her best to get it over and done with as quickly as she could. It wasn't a fun thing, it was something that just had to be done.
Emilia, on the other hand, saw the task as a privilege. Subaru was her friend, the first person to treat her not as a tool, not as a nuisance, not as a cursed child of the witch...but as Emilia.
Roswaal wanted to use her to stabilise Demi-human relations within the areas around his domain, having her as a political figure within the lands he controlled would show that half bloods are in fact capable and trustworthy.
To Puck, Emilia was his literal life goal. Once he found her, he treated her like a daughter, shielding her for a year in Elior forest, cradling her away from the dangers of life and the agonies of the world outside. It was only when she was given the opportunity for a fresh start that he finally eased his crushing grip ever so slightly.
In the eyes of the human Elior villagers, Emilia was nothing but a pest, a nuisance of unimaginable proportions, and a harbinger of death and calamity. She was scum, dirt, trash...the child of the witch deserved to die, and they treated her as such. They were so deathly terrified of Emilia's very being that they lost all sense of reason, all sense of logical thought.
In the eyes of literally everyone but a select handful of beings, Emilia was as bad as a person could get in every possible way. The blood which ran through her veins was evil enough - half-elves were forever struck by the curse of being associated with evil - but to be identical to said evil was the thing which sunk Emilia into the depths of a hellish life, even if she wasn't actually aware that she resembled the witch so closely.
But Subaru was different. When Emilia was lonely and isolated within the majesty of the Mathers Manor, he brought a newfound comfort by just existing. He was a boy in pain, yet radiated such comforting warmth. They shared experiences and suffering that only they could, had stories only they could relate to, feelings only they could feel.
To be able to share such personal moments like this, how it made Emilia's heart jump. A life of complete isolation was sheared in half and replaced with one that could potentially be the one she had dreamed of so fondly for so long.
''Lia...are you okie?'' Subaru uttered, noticing Emilia's gentle, long brush strokes through his hair had ceased, replaced by her simply running her fingers through it instead.
Emilia, who had been lost in the depths of a calm daydream, passively hummed at Subaru's question, her amethyst eyes firmly shut as she played with his hair.
As her hands gradually began to cease their soothing motions, Subaru began to slowly sit up, realising that Emilia must have had enough. Yet was pulled back rather quickly, a firm grasp wrapping around his waist. He simply went with it, voicing no complaints because he, frankly, had none.
She shuffled backwards, her back against the magnolia walls, sitting on her bottom, legs spread comfortably. She yanked the escaping Subaru again into her grasp, carefully resting the back of his head on her chest. She resumed her conscientious fiddling, wrapping long strands of his silken hair around her fingers and stroking the crown of his head with the other.
She meticulously massaged Subaru's scalp, her gentle humming beautiful. Subaru shut his eyes, crossing his hands in his lap, simply submitting himself to Emilia's expertise. He had no worries, everything was brilliant. He felt truly safe, truly protected for the first time in a long time. He could shut his eyes without a worry, enjoying the heaven he was in.
Sleep brushed over Subaru, exposing his complete vulnerability to the girl of silver he had given himself to. His hazel eyes remaining closed, his breathing settled into a smooth rhythm and a gentle, happy smile graced his lips.
Emilia quietly giggled as she noticed his fall into drowsy sleep, deciding they could afford the time, just ten minutes, that's all. She wrapped her slender arms around his torso, pulling him closer and resting her chin atop his head.
As time trickled on, Emilia felt herself also losing to the desirable grasp of calm sleep, however the time Crystal had faded into a deep green, jolting Emilia awake, now realising that they should be heading to breakfast in just under fifteen minutes.
However, the calm face of the sleeping boy was far too adorable to simply wake up normally, so she cunningly formed a plan.
Emilia leaned over, just enough that her face was over his but not enough to accidentally disturb him from his sleep. Inching closer and closer, she pursed her lips, her nose merely millimetres from his soft skin before ever so gently blowing on his cheek, teasing him from his nap.
With unexpected haste, striking hazel eyes fluttered open, a soft groan of mild irritation humouring Emilia, who had moved back slightly, enough to look the groggy Subaru in the eye.
''Wakey wakey Subaru,'' she whispered tenderly, her soft eyes gazing longingly into his own.
''E-mi-lia...did I fall asleep...i'm sorry,'' Subaru murmured, rubbing his tired eyes but not moving just yet.
''It's no biggie, you must be super duper tired still, dear Knight,'' she teased, brushing the hair in front of his face to the side.
''Nobody talks like that anymore, Lia...wait...what time is it?'' Subaru retorted before a slight panic overtook him, not wanting to miss his breakfast with Roswaal. It was inevitable he would share some important details with him, he couldn't not miss them no matter what.
With a smile, Emilia reassured: ''You have time, fifteen minutes or so, your clothes are just there, I'll walk you down, yeah?''
Raising his head from her chest, he shot her a grin, stretching his stiff back out, offering his hand to Emilia, who happily took it in her own and sprung up from the bed.
''I'll leave you be, give you your privacy. Meet me in the hallway when you're changed, Subaru.'' Emilia said, once again flashing him a grin before running out to the door, careful not to slam it shut as she left.
Subaru sighed. He stripped the rest of his clothes off, strolled to a wooden chest of drawers in the corner of the room, and opened the top drawer.
''How...why do they know my measurements …''
Subaru's face reddened deeply, realising what it meant for them to have his exact underwear and clothing measurements. He quickly picked a pair of fresh boxers and socks before slamming the drawer, taking a moment to calm from his embarrassment.
''I hope it wasn't Rem...I really hope it wasn't Rem.''
Slapping his cheeks a few times, he refound his energy, almost running back to the bed where his freshly laid out clothes were.
He pulled on his underwear, then the white undershirt he had been given. He stepped into the creaseless white pants, tucking in his undershirt and fastening the shiny gold button closed, as well as the excessive belt buckle.
''These are surprisingly comfortable, they look like my dad's fancy clothes though…'' Subaru pondered, pulling on the thick black shirt, fastened it up to his neck. He fiddled with the cuffs until he was comfortable before parking his bum on the edge of the bed.
He grabbed the black dress shoes from his bed, adjusting the matching black shoelaces, and pulled them onto his feet. He noted how tight and comfortable they felt - ideal for maneuvering on rough terrain.
His fingers quickly laced his shoes up, before he sprang up from the bed. He was genuinely impressed at how well the clothes fit him, his range of motion was brilliant and would be fit to train in for long, painful hours.
As Subaru stood, he noticed a burning sense of loss, like something was missing. It hadn't bothered him until now, but as he changed it started eating at him. He fiddled with his collar, something not unusual for Subaru, but it was this small gesture that shot him the realisation of what he had lost.
''Ah, where the hell is my necklace?''
Panic wrung through his body, his mind throbbing as he struggled to find a spot of calm within himself. His eyes darted around the room, searching, hoping it was removed and placed somewhere safe.
He couldn't find it.
His mind wandered back to his first union with the relatively insignificant piece of jewellery - simple necklace, a wiry silver chain adorned by a long amethyst gemstone. There was a singular cast silver ring hung by the chain, as well. It wasn't of poor quality, it's handmade chain and cut stone actually rather appealing, but it's monetary value was meagre if you took away the cost of the silver metal.
It's real value, it's real heart, was in its circumstance. It was a gift from mother to child, a keepsake, a showing of affection, and a representation of their bond.
It didn't house a spirit, nor did it cost very much, but to Subaru it meant the world.
—
On a grim winter evening, a young boy of silver hair stared longingly at his mother, her face thin and skin pale.
She was clearly unwell. A sickness befitting of the season had overcome her health, and it was uncertain whether she would live to see the sun of the spring. His father had worked tirelessly, but it was in fate's nasty hands whether or not she would prosper once more.
Her necklace was old. Her grandmother's grandmother had it made hundreds of years ago and had passed it down as a family heirloom ever since. Subaru was her one and only child and he was, as tradition dictated, next in line to receive the jewellery of the Natsuki family: A single necklace and a silver ring.
The ring was kept on the chain of the necklace, to keep them together, and Subaru honoured that.
''Subaru, don't see this as me giving up, promise me that,'' his mother begged, her eyes regretful as she fastened the clasp around his neck, kissing him tenderly on the cheek.
—
If Subaru had spoken at that time, he would have burst into tears. Yet now, he could hardly help himself.
His very last physical memory of the two who loved him most was gone.
He sprinted towards the chest of drawers, carelessly tearing open its various drawers and furiously digging through the clothes and undergarments. He tossed everything out, rooting around, pulling the draws out, and shaking them empty. He was getting more than the word desperate described now.
His tears flowed freely. His hope was diminishing as he tore his bedroom apart, upending the extravagant room in search of his treasure that he desired so much.
His ragged breathing grew stronger and he dropped to his hands and knees, the soft grey carpet moistening as his tears grew heavier. He scoured the floor for even the slightest hint of silver or purple, praying that a glimmer of reflected light caught his eye.
Nothing.
Subaru had reached the point of utter despair. His heart ached. He could do nothing but lay prone on the ground, face buried into his arms, trying to muffle his sobs of grim defeat.
In between crude tears, Subaru picked up the one thing which drove a wedge in the closing door of his mental state and dragged him back into the real world. The one noise which snagged his despair and slapped him back into reality…
Emilia's giggle.
She was outside, and he was sprawled out on the floor hopelessly. How pitiful, how unknightly, how disgraceful.
If there was one thing he wanted to avoid with his entire soul, it was completely blowing the second chance he had been handed on a silver platter.
Wiping the tears from his eyes, Subaru tried his best to clear his mind. He pushed himself up, trying his hardest to fix his ruffled clothing, adjusting his belt, and fixing his scruffy hair the best he could.
He dragged his feet to the bedside, picked up his book up from the bedside table, stuffed it into his back pocket quickly, and headed into the bathroom.
He meticulously brushed his teeth till they shone, gave his hair one last quick brush, and made sure he didn't look utterly defeated. He hurriedly brushed the shallow wrinkles out of his dark shirt, ensuring it was neatly tucked into his trousers, ensuring.
''Don't want to keep Emilia waiting,'' Subaru grumbled as he meandered out of the bathroom. He refastened the cuffs of his shirt before he exited the room with a forced smile.
Subaru pulled his door back to reveal a very happy Emilia chatting to her spirit, her bright expression pushing Subaru's false lips into a slightly more genuine smile once again.
As the door shut, their attention was brought to Subaru, but his noticeable downcast expression and body language didn't escape their keen eyes. It was obvious something was the matter, and that it was extremely concerning.
''Good morning, Subaru. What's bothering you?'' Puck chirped, inquisitive as to why Subaru's eyes looked hurt, why despite his smile he was in so much pain. Subaru couldn't hide it from puck, yet Puck was genuinely clueless as to what was bothering him.
Emilia was also quick to notice how far his mood had dropped since she left him before, her concern evident by her look of disquietude. She was unsettled by how exhausted he suddenly appeared, how he could go from jovial to the pits in 15 mintues.
''Y-Yeah, are you okay Subaru? Is something the matter?'' Emilia inquired, taking Subaru's uncomfortable exhale as a definite sign he wasn't okay. ''You can tell me anything, Subaru. It's okay, what's wrong?''
''I've lost something, and I'll never be able to get it back.'' Subaru sighed, trying his best to hold back his tears, unable to look either of them in the eye.
'I really am pathetic garbage' he thought, 'I can't even look them in the eye, what the hell is wrong with me'
''The thing I lost, it was very precious to me, yet, even after everything, I couldn't keep it safe,'' the boy continued, biting his lip and ramming his hands into his pockets to hide their obvious shaking.
Puck glanced at Emilia, who glanced back at him. His gaze was inquisitive, whilst hers was doubtful. She fiddled with the material of her stark white dress, reaching into a pocket right in the lining, withdrawing a singular item she had stuffed inside.
Subaru stared addledly, unsure as to what Emilia was actually doing. It was only when she withdrew her hand from her garments that he realised quite what she had done.
''Subaru...is this it?''
''-?!''
''I think we struck the mark there, Lia.''
Puck couldn't look more smug, but Emilia...her face was wrinkled into a look of sheer distraught regret.
All she could think of- All she could consider was how she had caused him all of this suffering over such a trivial and avoidable matter once again.
She fiddled with the necklace in her fingers, casting her head down, forcing her feelings of self hatred and frustration to subdue themselves, but it wasn't working. She had truly messed up less than a day after she nearly sent Subaru into an irreparable state of ptsd and fear.
She could not let her tears fall, but her entire soul ached with a feeling worse than regret. It was indescribable. How could she be this insolent? This pathetic?
Emilia walked up to a befuddled looking Subaru, reaching to unfasten the top button of his shirt. Her hands shook slightly as she fiddled with the small button. Subaru eventually took her hands in his own, quickly unsnapping the little stud.
''Yeah, make sure you keep this unfastened, you're not wearing a necktie,'' she hummed, fiddling with a silver clasp and weaving a silver chain under his hair and around his neck. Her attempts to hide her obvious but unexplained distress were pitiful, and Subaru immediately became wrung with guilt as well.
He had caused them all such worry over such a trivial matter again.
''H-How…'' Subaru croaked, the striking cold of the metal tingling at his skin. ''Emilia wh...where did you find this?''
''You were wearing it, dummy, we took it off you so Frederica could clean your neck and face,'' Emilia explained, running her finger underneath his eye, catching the last remnants of regretful tears. She wished he'd do the same, yet her eyes were dry. She was a selfish girl, a stupid girl. Pathetic.
''It's pretty, keep it safe, okie?'' Emilia smiled ''Oh, and before you say it, you're neither stupid nor sorry, it was a simple mistake!'' she insisted, desperate to hide her self loathing. She prayed he calmed down now that he had what he was looking for, but he should have had it from the moment he awoke. Not days after.
Subaru couldn't help but laugh. His emotions were a beast, and he kept losing control of it at every minor inconvenience. He was unstable. If he lost his cool over just some trinket, how would he ever serve a strong post as a kingdom Knight? He felt bad, all he had done was be a parasitic leech, one who then bit the hand that fed him by freaking out and trashing his room over a trinket.
His eyes softened. Hazel met amethyst, a convolution of emotion swirling throughout their gazes, before the boy finally spoke, a smile breaking his lips open:
''Emilia...thank you.''
''Yeah!''
Emilia couldn't forgive herself again, but Subaru was happier. That was enough to be satisfied for now.
Subaru could tell Emilia was still worried, and mere words wouldn't change that anymore. His determination shot up, and he mentally noted that he would have to prove himself, to Emilia especially, that he was getting better. That his kind was healing.
He tugged on his collar lightly, before reaching over and tickling the bemused looking spirit behind his fluffy little ears.
''Oh you never stop getting fluffier do you,'' Subaru giggled, now using both of his hands in his assault on Puck's grey fur. Was it strange that he genuinely would die for the fur which grew on Puck? Probably, yet Subaru couldn't care less. It was heavenly.
''Cheered up Subaru?'' Puck teased, which only made Subaru more motivated to tickle every little scratch Puck could ever have.
''Now now boys, let's skedaddle and get to breakfast, don't want to keep the Margrave waiting!'' Emilia interrupted, firing a wink at Subaru who was dressed rather sharply.
''lookin' good there by the way Subaru, you gonna tie your hair up?'' Puck asked, to which Emilia quickly handed him a hair tie to a nodding Subaru.
''Good idea, Puck. It'll only get in the way of your knightly training after all.'' Emilia grinned, gesturing with her head to start walking, not wanting to fall late for an important breakfast. Especially now, when Subaru needed something in the form of a distraction. Outlining his responsibilities for the future could hopefully give him some more stability, as it was obvious that Subaru was struggling to hold on at times.
The trio leisurely made their way through the excessive mansion once again, light small talk fluttering through the hallways.
They casually wandered into the dining hall, resuming their seats from the night before. Subaru glanced at and acknowledged a ready and waiting Roswaal, who was sipping on a steaming cup of tea.
Subaru gazed around passively, noticing the lack of a certain presence. Ram attentively stood to the side of Roswaal, her maid outfit pristine as she carefully watched over her master.
''Suuuuubaru-kun; Emilia-sama; Great Spirit-sama, how looooovely for you to join us,'' Roswaal grinned, swirling the dregs of tea left in his cup around.
''Roswaal-sama, do you need some more tea?'' Ram inquired, to which Roswaal merely nodded before continuing,
''Please please, doooooo get comfortable, I have some veeeeery important information to share,'' he commanded, before bringing his cup to his lips, taking a swig of the boiling hot liquid.
''Suuuuuubaru-kun, today is youuuur first as a Knight in traaaaaining. We will support you the beeeeest we can, so it's now up to youuuuu to perform your duties with diligence and care.'' Roswaal explained, nodding for Ram to serve tea to the newly seated duo.
''You will wooooork hard, and it will be tough, but I haaaave every faith you will prevail.'' he smiled, leaning back in his chair.
''Y-Yes!'' Subaru beamed, almost jumping from his seat.
''Fooooor now, enjoy your breakfast, we will begin immediately afteeeeer,'' Roswaal informed as Ram swiftly exited the room at Roswaal's word.
A few moments of quiet chatter passed. Roswaal was making notes; Subaru leant over to Emilia, whispering:
''Why is she so much quieter, Ram that is?''
''It's her job, she's a maid for a noble, it's like a silence until spoken to type deal...she's a lot more talkative when not working,'' Emilia explained, keeping her voice down so as to not accidentally disrespect Roswaal's authority.
''I guess that makes sense, she was so kind before though,'' Subaru said, twiddling with a silver fork he had taken from the place set for him.
''Ram is kind, you'll get used to her personality eventually.'' Emilia bemused.
Suddenly, like the night before, the grand doors burst open, revealing a duo of maids who efficiently began laying out another extravagant meal.
Fresh meats, rare fruits, carefully polished cutlery, delicate fine China...the entire meal seemed disgracefully overkill for a mere breakfast.
''This is a long way beyond my regular breakfast,'' Subaru thought, mildly uncomfortable at the sight of so much food once again, not one ounce of it leftovers from the night before.
The sheer magnitude of the food made Subaru dizzy. It was nothing short of a banquet. Once the team of maids cleared, leaving the group to their own devices, Subaru could only sit and stare.
''Is there something not to your liking, Subaru?'' Ram, who had resumed her position to the side of Roswaal, inquired.
''No, it's not like that...I'm just genuinely not used to this, that's all.'' Subaru smiled, slowly reaching and filling his plate with various items of delicious foods.
''I see...my apologies.'' Ram nodded.
Roswaal allowed everyone to indulge themselves on the meal before he finally raised the topic they had all anticipated, the one which would clear much of the ambiguity around Subaru's rigorous training.
As Subaru pushed his plate away, his belly stuffed with divine nutrients, Roswaal smiled.
''Noooow then, I dooooo hope you enjoyed the meal, Subaru-kun,'' Roswaal began, capturing the attention of the room once more, his commanding voice naturally enticing and interesting.
Before Subaru could interject, he continued:
''As a fighter in combaaaat, you're raaaather weak...before you leaaaaarn any intricate and high level magic, you neeeeed to learn the basics.''
Roswaal made a slight gesture with his right hand, and Ram stepped forward. He handed her a sheet of paper, and instructed her to hand it to Subaru. Their dynamic as master and servant was impeccable.
''Here, Subaru-sama.'' Ram said, before returning to her position behind her master.
''Thaaaaat is our plan for the foreseeable fuuuuture,'' Roswaal explained, before nodding his head towards the small black book Subaru produced from his pocket.
''You wooooont be needing that for a while, maaaaagic comes later.''
Subaru skimmed over the sheet he was handed, wincing at the long days he had been assigned until he was physically capable enough to handle anything more rigorous.
6am wake up. 9pm bedtime. 5 hours in the training grounds, 5 hours in the classroom, 2 hours for meals and 3 hours leisure time. His days were long, arduous and gritty.
His mind flashed through the memories he held of the past, and his reasons to fight. His days were only going to get harder, yet they would ultimately lead to days of peace and prosperity.
If Subaru's suffering was the sacrifice it took to attain a taste of a good life, then he was willing to go through hell and back.
He not only had memories to protect, but real people. A lot was resting on his shoulders, and the price to pay for freedom in reality was small.
'Ros-chi...I-I am ready when you are.'' he smiled, wiping the corners of his mouth with a handkerchief roughly.
''Excellent. Meeeeet me at the souuuuuth grounds in thirty minutesssss.'' Roswaal explained, simultaneously excusing breakfast for the morning.
Subaru let out a deep, determined sigh. His journey had truly started now. He had been given a prime opportunity to steer the future in his direction, overcome the crushing shackles of fate and rewrite his destiny.
Subaru was given a chance, a reason, and a motivation. His reason to live had been crushed under the feet of a cruel past, but rebound by the hope of a better life.
Carefully folding the paper Roswaal had handed him, he slotted it behind the cover of his tome, keeping it safe as it would guide him through his days for the foreseeable future.
With a grinding squeak, Subaru pushed himself back in his chair, using the newfound space to stand up with an enthusiastic bounce. As Emilia hadn't yet finished eating, he merely nodded to her, emphasising that he would be okay. His breakdown earlier was a deep past, she could leave him alone for a small while.
He once again placed his book in his back pocket, patting it contently before addressing Roswaal:
''Ros-chi, thank you. I will see you shortly...I have something to do before though. Does anyone know where Rem is?''
Roswaal grinned. That told Subaru everything he needed to know.
—
Scurrying through the hallways, Suabru was mildly panicked. He already had the idea that Rem wasn't fond of him ingrained into his mind, so this surely couldn't help their flakey relationship.
His breakdown had left a mess of some rather expensive furniture, a clear and inexplicable disregard for Roswaal's generosity and grace.
Roswaal had clearly taken amusement from it, but he knew for fact that the maids, who held Roswaal in the highest regards, wouldn't. It was wasted time, wasted energy, and was a flaunt of arrogance and disrespect.
He made his way through the increasingly familiar mansion, his legs stuck in the desperate scuttle that fell between walking and running. He had already disgraced himself, so the least he could do was behave with proper etiquette.
As he reached the corridor he was certain his room fell on (the strange painting of a red fruit told him so) he slowed his panicked gait, trying his very best to calm and rationalise his rapid thoughts and emotions.
''Calm down, Subaru...she won't be angry, just explain what happened, that's all you need to do.'' He reassured himself, making sure his shirt was tucked in and his collar wasn't displaced.
''Okay Subaru, remember what mother said! Use your words.'' he thought, placing a hand on his door handle.
As he gripped the golden handle firmly, he subconsciously noted the peculiar vibrations gently emanating from it. Biting his tongue and wiping the sweat from his left hand on his trouser leg, he pushed into the bedroom, preparing to face the wrath of a blue haired oni maid.
''What are you doing, I suppose?''
As he pushed into the room, he was met not with the extravagance of his lavish bedroom, but with the musty, dusty dimness of a rather wonderful library
AN PLEASE READ
Thank you so much for reading and thank you for your patience.
The last few weeks had been turbulent for me. I've had to balance writing with my final leg of school, a massive move and other family/personal jazz. Im also an athlete, and that takes up a lot of time and energy.
Hopefully my rate should improve back to at least one chapter per week soon, as my life quietens down again. No promises, as I also have other fics to put some time into.
Massive thanks to TheColourPurple. He's been a huge help as usual, I am indebted to him for his support as my beta reader and good friend. Please read 'Prides Greed' and 'Greeds Pride' if you haven't already.