So, I decided to reopen an old draft to finish as a little warm-up before I continue Chapter 23.

Well, it was the draft to this. Perhaps, I should have left it at one part, but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Anyway, since the last Sneak Some Zucchini chapter, I have found out that, in the UK, zucchinis are not called zucchinis. They are called courgettes. And today I have learned that zucchinis did not exist until they were developed in northern Italy in the second half of the 19th century... which means that, in 1867, there were (probably) already zucchinis, but not in 1847. :/ Something I would have known if I had enough of a sound mind back then and just googled it because it's literally in the opening section and the template of the Zucchini Wikipedia page...

But, well, if the manga can have boy groups and stuff, I can have that. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Anyway, a happy "Sneak Some Courgettes/Time-travelling-squash onto your Neighbour's Porch Day"! I hope you will enjoy this short silly chapter.

Fun With Holidays:

Sneak Some Zucchini onto Your Neighbour's Porch Day (August 8) - Part 2

London, England, United Kingdom – August 1867

For days and weeks, he had fought with himself, unsure whether or not he should do it.

But when Vincent woke up today, he knew that he had to do it: Today was a day that wasn't special to anyone else but Vincent's mother, and if he and his sister didn't honour it, who else would?

With excitement and a little bit of nervosity flowing through his veins, Vincent got up and dressed. When Tanaka came, he started to wish him a "good morning" before he cut himself off the instant he saw Vincent done and ready.

"Oh, was I late?" Tanaka asked.

"Not at all. I only felt like dressing myself today," Vincent replied and went through his hair with the brush one last time before putting it down. "And good morning. Is Franny already downstairs? I suppose she is; she always is. Is she?"

Tanaka smiled. "As always."

Vincent nodded. "Well, then, let's not make her wait any longer."

Vincent and Francis' parents had been rather sporty people, especially their mother had always exercised whenever she could whereas their father had been fit, but had preferred to stay inside and do something else. In this regard, Vincent was an extreme version of their father: He knew how to fence and ride, but he had never been very interested in either or in any other sport. Standing up to refill his reading snacks or picking up his fallen-down bookmark without getting up was all the exercise Vincent needed in a day. On the other hand, Francis had definitely come after their mother: Every morning, she woke up hours before her brother, went for a run, practised fencing a bit with dummies, had early breakfast with Tanaka, and burned through a novel even before it turned quarter past seven. Still, Francis would always keep Vincent company when it was time for him to get up and have breakfast.

"Franny!" Vincent said when he threw open the doors to the dining room. Tanaka entered right behind him. "What day is today?"

Francis looked up from the book she was reading, Thérèse Raquin by Émile Zola, and frowned. "Thursday?"

"It's 'Sneak Some Zucchini onto Your Neighbour's Porch Day'!" he exclaimed and sat down.

Francis put her book away. "Don't say that you want to do that now."

"You won't hear me uttering these words, then."

"Vincent…"

"It was one of Mother's favourite days of the year, Franny," Vincent replied. "We should cherish it; we should celebrate it in her honour."

"It's the most ridiculous thing in the entire world. I still wonder how this annual nonsense even started."

"But she always laughed on that day," he said.

Francis sighed. "I know, but this does not make it less ridiculous."

"And we didn't leave any zucchinis on the Lincolns' porch last year," Vincent added, "because we were at the manor. We already missed the date once; we cannot miss it twice."

"I cannot believe that Mother did something like that to them for almost two decades, and the Lincolns are still living next to us," Francis said, shaking her head. "It's as if they like mysteriously getting a bunch of free zucchinis every year despite letting servants patrol their porch."

"But what if we do not continue Mother's tradition and they start becoming loud again? You know that after a few Sneak Zucchini Days the formerly incredibly noisy Lincolns started to calm down. The Viscountess once entrusted Mother that she believes that their house was built over an old graveyard and that they are disturbing the eternal peace of the persons buried there which is the reason why their ghosts send them a message on the same day every year. She still doesn't know why the message is spelled out in zucchinis though.

"Also you are forgetting the fact, Francis, that the Viscountess is a lover of riddles, and this should be, by far, the greatest she has ever encountered. She would never move without finding out the riddle's solution first."

"Mother didn't even properly try to hide that she's the Zucchini Distributor, and the Viscountess isn't even trying to solve this mystery. Especially after Mother's passing and the lack of zucchinis a month later should have made Danielle Lincoln realise that there was never a ghost – only a very bored and annoyed Countess."

"Perhaps it has become so normal to her over the last years that it would be strange to move now and leave even the memory of it all behind? Or, perhaps, the Viscount and Viscountess found out last year, and they are never going to move because they know very well that the haunting is over."

"Yes, the haunting is over, Vincent."

"The haunting is never over, Francis!" he said, standing up. "We have no idea what the Lincolns know, what they thought about the lack of zucchinis last year – but we have to preserve Mother's tradition for the sake of our silent reading hours and our ears."

"Can't we find another way to honour her tradition? This is too ridiculous, Vincent."

"Not as ridiculous as pirates."

Francis groaned. "Don't remind me of that."

"What would Edgar think if he heard you trying to forget him?"

"He would probably laugh it away."

"Well, anyway, if we could have a little pirate adventure because of Father last September, we can have a little zucchini adventure because of Mother now. It's only fair." Vincent headed towards the door. "Lettuce go, sister."

Francis stared at him. "Did you just say what I believe you have said?"

He craned his head to grin at her. "Today is Zucchini Day, Franny, that's why I have decided to make suitable jokes throughout the day."

"Zucchinis are fruits," Francis pointed out. "Not vegetables like lettuce."

"I know that, but as zucchinis like tomatoes or pumpkins are fruits eaten as vegetables, I have decided to make fruit and vegetable jokes today. That was only the beginning, Francis. You have no idea what my brilliant brain will come up with – what colourful jokes will jump out of my head like Athena."

She rolled her eyes. "Just leave me alone."

Vincent's grin widened. "Leaves aren't exactly vegetables but they are green and, to some extent, edible, so good one, sister."

"Just go die in a ditch, Vincent."

"Why? When I love you from my head tomatoes? When olive you so much? I am speachless because of your cruelty."

Francis sighed. "Where do you even want to go?"

"To the pantry, of course. We need some zucchinis for our first mission as the new cereal culprits."

Tanaka cleared his throat. "May I intervene? I propose to go to the pantry for you and get the zucchinis you need, twenty-two if I remember correctly, as long as you sit back down, Vincent. Even cereal culprits need their breakfast."

"Mother wrote her messages in the front porch," Vincent whispered to Francis on their way to the Lincolns' house after he had finished his breakfast. "But, I, to cause some extra drama and confusion, am going to spell 'Silence' in the back porch while you distract Cosmo. You can see the back porch from his room; without a distraction, he may spot me and everything will have been in vine. That's what I've plant."

The Honourable Cosmo Lincoln was the only son of the Viscount and Viscountess of Middalanoware. When they had been younger, his mother Danielle had tried to arrange playdates for her son with Vincent and Francis as they were about the same age. Exactly once, Cloudia Phantomhive had agreed to it. Thankfully, she had quickly realised that Francis and Vincent did not like Cosmo at all and had diligently rejected the Viscountess' other playdate requests. However, as they were neighbours whenever they were in London, Francis and Vincent still knew Cosmo very well – far too well if you asked them. Cosmo even attended Weston College as Vincent did; at least, he was in a different house, and Vincent rarely ran into him.

While Cosmo's parents were lively and used to be very loud, Cosmo never smiled and was always gloomy. At least, he wasn't too much of an obstacle for their mission; and to their luck, Danielle and Arlington Lincoln were at a party, and the servants were easily controlled.

Francis still glared at him for his latest pun when Vincent knocked on the door. It flew open after a minute – and in front of them appeared a small, wrinkly, wicked woman.

Mother had told us that Gisela, the Lincolns' housekeeper, had already looked like that when she had been seventeen. Now, twenty years had passed, and Gisela should be long dead – but she wasn't.

Because twenty years ago, she might have looked the same as now, but she had been only twenty-five.

This fact alone made her scarier than she actually was.

"Two Phantomhives coming uninvited, unannounced. Like mother like children, I see," Gisela said in this terrible voice of hers.

Vincent forced himself to smile. "Oh, Gisela, what a pleasant surprise! Isn't it chilli outside?"

"It's a sunny day."

"'It's a sunny day, Mylord.' You must have forgotten that I am a titled nobleman, but I wouldn't have awaited more of you. Furthermore, I think that it is quite chilli outside. Weather, juiced like everything else, is only a matter of opionion after all." Vincent passed by Gisela as she was far too small and lean to obstruct the door, and walked into the entrance hall as if he had entered his own home.

"Where's Cosmo?" Vincent asked, looking at the paintings hanging left and right in the corridor. Judging from their… interesting composition, Cosmo must have created them, and like other proud parents, the Viscount and Viscountess had put them up for everyone to see. Even if they did not go well with the entrance hall's overall aesthetic.

"Cosmo is studying," Gisela answered him, scowling.

"'Cosmo is studying, Mylord.'" He glared at the housekeeper. "Instead of judging other people's manners you should take a look at your own. You did not even greet my sister."

"You are the ones invading this…"

Vincent turned away. "I can find Cosmo's room on my own. I have been here often enough," he said, and Francis followed him.

"I wasn't too harsh, right?" he asked his sister when they were far enough that Gisela couldn't hear them anymore.

"Not at all," said Francis. "I think that you were too soft."

"I didn't want to extend our conversation unnecessarily. After all, chatting with Gisela isn't our raisin for coming here." Vincent grinned at his sister, and she scowled at him. They walked the rest of the way to Cosmo Lincoln's room in silence.

"Cosmo!" Vincent cried out and strutted into the room. Cosmo put down his pen, stood up, and turned around to face his uninvited guests.

"Oh, Lord Vincent, Lady Francis," Cosmo said, his face showing no expression. He was like a porcelain doll that had come to life in a wicked experiment. "May I inquire what you are doing here?"

"I've bean thinking of you, Cosmo." From the corner of his eye, he could see Francis rolling her eyes. Vincent pouted. "I cannot believe that you are still as expressionless as ever, Cosmo. Usually, I take people's breath away when they see me."

I was certain that if we weren't in company, Francis would have scolded me for my words. To my luck, we were with Cosmo which meant that I was safe – for now.

"Nobody ever thinks of me, Earl," Cosmo said matter-of-factly.

"Why? Everyone likes you berry much. You should be snoozing and hiccupping all day. That's how often people think of you."

"I may have misheard you but have you just said 'berry' instead of 'very'?"

"Oh." Vincent laughed. "You haven't misheard me. You see, I am currently learning Spanish, and in Spanish, you pronounce a 'v' like a 'b.' I must have accidentally mixed them up."

"I thought you meant the fruit."

"Why should I do this? I should be punished if I ever dared to make silly fruit jokes. Francis would be kiwing me if I did! Right, Franny?" He turned to his sister. "She makes sure that I don't make a fool out of myself by making ridiculously bad puns. I am an Earl after all. I cannot make bad puns. That would be against every raisin. Durian all social gatherings, all pear gatherings, I would be laughed at. Where did we stop before this little misunderstanding?"

"That nobody likes me, that everyone thinks I'm odd."

"Peachy! Thanks a bunch. You aren't, Cosmo; you aren't odd. You are only swimming against the currant."

"I doubt that anyone thinks like that about me," said Cosmo. "And now, no matter what the reason for your visit was, I ask you to leave as I have to see after Carrot in the garden and continue stu…"

"Could I use the powder room for a secornd?" Vincent asked.

"Excuse me?" Cosmo said.

"I asked if I could use your powder room?"

"You live right next to me, Lord Vincent – why do you want to use mine?"

"Because ours is currently broken down."

"Don't you have several? It's such a big townhouse…"

"They all broke down in the Big Powder Room Crisis. Someone thought that operating the flushings in all of them at once might lead to the house jumping a centimetre or two. All it did was breaking them all down," Vincent told him, and Francis raised her eyebrow at him.

"It wasn't me," he added.

"Then who was?" asked Cosmo.

"Our cook, Armstrong. He's a rather odd playfellow who can get bored very easily."

"I thought Armstrong has died."

"Boredom is an acute problem for ghosts. They can, after all, not touch anything, and if there is nobody in the house they are haunting for too long, they get bored. An unhabituated house is simply unappeeling to them. Speaking of ghosts: Fran and I could tell you quite a story surrounding some. We may do it – but only after I have returned from the powder room. Beetween you and me, your house is a bit of a maize; I forgot where it is. So, where was it again? I will be grapeful if you answer me."

"When ghosts cannot touch anything, how did Armstrong's ghost manage to operate the fl…"

"Oh, I remembered where the powder room was again! Oat's about thyme that I go!" Vincent exclaimed and hurried out of the room.

While Francis was distracting Cosmo, all I had to do was placing the zucchinis in the back porch. Then, we were ready to go. Nothing was as easy as that.

Vincent sneaked out of the back door and hastily placed the zucchinis, carefully spelling out "Silence" with them. Tanaka had been right: Twenty-two were enough. Smiling at his creation, Vincent stood up. He was about to head back inside when he heard growling behind him.

"I ask you to leave as I have to see after Carrot in the garden," Cosmo had said earlier, but in-between all my puns, I had not quite registered that he had not been talking about carrots: He had been talking about his dog.

Slowly, Vincent turned around, and there he was: the Lincolns' Rottweiler, and he did not look very pleased to see Vincent.

"Good boy," Vincent said, reaching for the door handle without looking behind him and finding nothing. "Best boy," he continued when Carrot growled again and jumped at him.

Vincent felt like he had been run over by at least half a dozen carriages when he woke up.

"What happened?" he groaned, struggling to sit up, but giving up almost immediately.

"Oh, you are finally awake," said Francis who had been sitting at his bed reading Thérèse Raquin. "The Lincolns' dog chased you through their entire garden. At some point, you ran straight into their rose bushes – and as the Viscount cultivates roses, they have a lot of rose bushes in their garden. It took ages for Tanaka to remove all the thorns. After you ran into the roses, you tried to escape by climbing over the wall which separates the Lincolns' estate with ours. As you have never been particularly skilled with climbing, you fell down, lost consciousness, and Carrot licked your face until we finally got to you. I think you misinterpreted him. He only wanted to play."

"What a fine game! 'Eating Vincent Phantomhive!' Very entertaining," Vincent replied and groaned again when he rolled to his side. He must have bruises all over his body. "Also, it's not my fault that I am not secretly half-monkey, Miss I-Climb-Around-the-Kitchen-to-Find-Biscuits. Are we even siblings?"

Francis blinked at him. "Trust me, you are half-monkey in other areas. You may even be a full monkey from all I know. Mother and Father may have found you during one of their escapades and decided to raise you as their own."

"Very funny. What even took you and Cosmo so long to get to me? Did I run very fast and manage to knock myself out in a minute or two, or were you simply slow?" Vincent waved around with his arms, trying to sit up. Francis put her book away and stood up to help him. "A bit of both," she said. "Cosmo and I were a bit shocked about what was happening – well, I guess that he was shocked; his face is a blank slate and you never know for sure what he is thinking or not thinking – but you were also spectacularly fast to nearly get yourself killed. At least, I did not have to think of a believable reason why you were in the garden and not in the powder room because of that."

"You enjoyed the show, didn't you?" said Vincent when he was propped against his pillows, and Francis was back in her chair.

"Thoroughly. I have never seen anyone make a fool out of himself as quickly as you did. You are lucky that we do not have many neighbours and that Cosmo is not a chatterbox. Otherwise, I would have fully embraced the monkey-tale to deny being blood-related to you. I would not want to be known as the sister of the 'wall-climbing Earl.'"

"And being known as the sister of a monkey Earl is better?"

"Definitely."

They were silent for a while before they burst into laughter.

"I cannot believe you did that," said Francis.

"I cannot believe I did that," said Vincent, and they giggled. "We are surely a ridiculous bunch. A pirate father. A cucurbit-vandal mother. Two monkey children: a wall-climber and a biscuit-climber. We would have made a fine wandering circus."

Francis shook her head, smiling. "We are impossible." She stood up again and walked to the door. "Now, this 'biscuit-climber' will climb for some biscuits and milk and tell Tanaka that you are awake." She opened the door and stepped outside. "We will make ourselves a calm, comfortable afternoon and evening because I do not think that I can stomach more ridiculousness today. For that, we have next year after all," Francis said, turning around one last time before she walked away.

Vincent leaned back against his pillows and smiled. "Until next year, then."