Death is a concept that humanity has pondered for its entire existence. Everything about it, from the afterlife to reincarnation, has been thoroughly broken down by every corner of every race throughout history. Regardless of religion or race, death is elusive yet unavoidable––it haunts you throughout life and snatches you without warning.
Whether death brings comfort or destitution is unknown to most, yet to the masses, death is so easy, so much easier than life could ever be.
Death is quiet, for it does not bellow, nor does it scream. Death does not harbour torment, yet it fails to harbour grace.
It is neutral, but it is not fair––a trait it shares with life. Yet they don't know that, so death remains nothing but the elusive marker of life's end.
To most, death is simply the end of life, yet for Natsuki Subaru, death is something different entirely.
—
Cool air swept through the forest pass, the early morning sun gracefully blanketing the dense woodland in warm light. A serpentine dirt path snaked through the overgrowth, paving the way for travellers and merchants. It often remained serenely quiet as it was now––the energetic chimes of nature voicing a pure symphony throughout the woodland.
The path itself conveniently connected the small merchant town of Arlam and the residence of Margrave Roswaal L. Mathers; two of the children under the care of said Margrave were currently about halfway there to the village.
The pair was Natsuki Subaru and Emilia, a duo of half-elves of peculiar origins and even more peculiar backgrounds. They had been taken in by the Margrave to be trained as nobility, their particular skill sets and traits seemingly useful to the eccentric Roswaal. It had been around two years now since they had first arrived at the mansion, and their improvement in both ability and personality was very evident––but their personal relationship had also blossomed into one of trust and familial closeness. They did everything they could together, confided in each other, learned about the intricacies of life as a pair. Their innocence was obvious, yet they were developing beautifully.
They had been tasked by Roswaal to visit a man in Arlam, and had set out in the morning to do so. It was the first time they had really left the mansion grounds since they arrived, and they were doing so completely by their lonesome. It was a rather significant step in their personal development as people, and they were truly, genuinely proud of each other for that fact. They were facing a fear they both shared head-on, and the intoxicating mix of fear, excitement, anxiety, and anticipation was instantly replaced with a brilliant sensation of independence and maturity the moment they set out on their very short journey.
However, there was an infuriating problem they had both completely failed to consider. It was something that they had both basically forgotten about because of the safety and comfort of the Margrave's mansion, yet once the realisation hit it was too far to retreat. That problem was none other than the fact that every living soul outside of the mansion's walls absolutely detested them—not them personally, but the fact that they were both half-elves possessing manes of silver hair. It seemed like such a trivial thing if you actually thought about it, yet to the general public, it was the primary indicator of true and proper evil. Nothing was more sinister than the flowing silver locks adorning their heads, as to them it wasn't just hair… It was the crown of the devil herself.
Satella, the Witch of Envy, should have had absolutely nothing to do with either Subaru or Emilia, yet the stigma clung to them unrelentingly, never to leave––especially for Emilia, who had the further misfortune of sharing both a gender and a facial likeness to the witch herself. Nothing they did, aside from completely covering themselves from head to toe, would let them live a free and unjudged life in the public eye. Wherever they went, everyone would view them as unwelcome monsters. It was only within Roswaal's household that they could embrace the genuine warmth of safety.
Regardless, that nagging issue had led them to a checkpoint standoff just outside the village of Arlam. Whilst they had massively overestimated the threat of the gentleman at the checkpoint, they had still had quite the shock. It was their first bout with true danger, after all.
The pair quietly made haste, wandering into the village itself, intending to keep to themselves as much as possible. Any further confrontation probably wouldn't end as smoothly as before, and they'd both rather not experience that fear again anyway. The streets were quiet, though, so getting to an inn to ask for directions was no bother. The village was small, so navigating there was a simple task.
They stepped into the inn, only to find it completely wrecked on the inside, the elegant furnishings once adorning its showy interior now scattered broken across the room. It was shocking, yet what was worse was the headless corpse of a man that lay in the very centre of the room. It felt surreal, and Subaru struggled to process what he was seeing. It shadowed his heart and mind in a discomfort so ugly and perverse that his very soul felt dirty simply being there. He was unusually calm; his mind wasn't properly registering what his senses were telling him, but he would very quickly come to realise that his trance was actually a blessing.
It was when Emilia called out to him that everything seemed to hit him at once.
His mother used to describe how certain poisons instilled an 'impending sense of doom' upon those unfortunate enough to consume them. It was a feeling of dread and uncertainty and so great that the human mind couldn't quite register what that feeling was—all the brain knew was that something was extremely wrong, and there was absolutely no way to fix it.
Subaru never understood quite how that made sense, but now, that feeling was all he could think about.
Dread, doom, death.
His brain was swamped with emotions that whittled away at the intricacies of his heart, gnawing at the very fabric of his soul-destroying all signals that passed through his neurons and replacing them with pangs of unnatural horror. Every movement he tried to make only served to further fuel the fiery calamity within his mind, body, and soul—the only thing he could do was stand and stare as his very being was brutally expunged.
He wasn't just panicking, he was subconsciously alerting himself to a danger that would surely mark the end of his existence. He couldn't produce even a murmur, yet somehow Emilia's voice kept its firm tone. The voice he admired so much was punching its way through the steel walls of his mind, her deadly seriousness almost shocking him out of his consternation.
"Su~~~u~~~st~~~~~run."
One word broke through his incoherence, yet he was still left confused.
"Run."
He turned to face her with no resistance at all. It was if the past ten seconds of unfounded terror had never happened, as if his very soul hadn't been assaulted on an otherworldly level.
"Hmm, what is it, Lia," he gently mused, a wide, borderline macabre grin spreading across his face. Emilia wasn't looking at him…how disappointing.
He followed Emilia's dead stare and was met with the sight of a robe-clad girl. Her frame was juvenile, yet the aura she produced was brimming with unadulterated cruelty. Her somewhat expressionless face would usually beg him to approach her under normal circumstances—her elven ears actually led a small part of his adolescent mind back to the friends of his home—yet the borderline eldritch waves of genuine savagery she emitted instantly shut down any feelings of warmth.
His mind once again realised why it had been so forestalling.
His eyes refused to leave her, yet she was looking at neither of the children directly. No, her eyes bore into their very souls, overwhelming Subaru with a brutish sense of invasion and distress. She was his sense of impending doom.
She was the poison that infected his mind.
His realisation was met with a rapid increase in dread once more—his heart sinking as his pupils rapidly dilated. A fluorescent glow illuminated the room, swamping their senses like a flashbang, rendering them completely and utterly stunned.
It didn't last too long though. The very next moment, Natsuki Subaru found himself standing back on that very same scenic path, hand in hand with his female companion, as if nothing had happened at all.
—
"S-Say…Lia…what have we done today?"
Subaru did not know whether he should be confused, terrified, or an ugly concoction of both. He was absolutely awake, he had gotten a great night of sleep…so why was his mind playing such cruel tricks on him.
Before today, Subaru had never once passed down this road. Today was the absolute first time, and he remembered it brilliantly. How the trees lined the road like mighty wooden walls, how the birds chirped like a chorus of opera singers, and how the road itself lay uneven and bumpy—a telltale sign of its low traffic. It was all wonderfully clear to him, so why was he seeing it all again?
The worst part is, Emilia seemed absolutely oblivious to the whole thing. She was unfazed, walking as usual like they hadn't just strolled down this lane thirty minutes ago. Her eyes weren't laced with fear as they had been, but shone brilliantly as they always did. Her grip on his hand was tight, yet not abnormally so. There was no unease in her actions. She was completely content.
But he himself was a wreck. Was this his fear playing tricks on him, or was he genuinely going batshit insane? So he asked his innocent-sounding question, much to the confusion of his female companion.
"Well…we woke up…made lunch…and spoke to Roswaal. That's it really. Why do you ask, Subaru?" she said, her bafflement showing both in her words and on her face. Was he feeling okay? They'd only been awake for a couple of hours, how on earth was he forgetting what they had done?
"So…we haven't been into Arlam yet, no?"
"Absolutely definitely not. No way. You must have dreamt it, because we are only five minutes away from the mansion, never mind the village," Emilia chuckled, wondering what on earth was going through his mind.
"Huh…it's just that…it feels like I've been here before. Never mind, let's get going Lia, don't want to dawdle now." He smiled, squeezing her hand. Taking that as a hint that he was just sleep-deprived or something, Emilia smiled too, catching up to his brisker walking pace.
Everything resumed as normal, albeit Subaru was slightly more cautious, but he simply passed his strange feelings off as a funky dream and tried to ignore the stunning likeness of everything around him. It was strange, the creepiness of the situation had almost distracted him completely from his fear of the village itself, so the pair reached their destination much faster than he expected.
Yet, when the same checkpoint came before them, Subaru's nerves began to rapidly grow—his heart rate skyrocketing almost instantaneously.
It wasn't fear per se, he knew he had the power to absolutely crush the overweight, untrained human in a second. Yet, his words, his sheer intent to kill and slaughter the pair…it unsettled Subaru deeply. Of course, Emilia was none the wiser—she hadn't experienced Subaru's weird dreams—and he intended to keep it that way. He'd rather avoid conflict completely than have her witness the death of another person by his hands if he could help it.
He tried his best to keep a neutral expression as they approached the checkpoint, not wanting to seem suspicious because of an overly friendly tone, or clear display of fear. Subaru took the initiative once again and walked up to the window, the familiar musk of tobacco and body odour wafting past him much to his displeasure.
Yet, when his eyes met the man's, he froze.
Everything else he had seen had been 100% accurate. Every detail, aside from the things he had purposely avoided, was the same as before. This man wanted them dead. He didn't care for their lives. He didn't worry about whether they had anyone waiting at home for them. He saw elven features as a sign to execute, as a red flag that must be exterminated for the safety of others.
He wasn't a physical threat whatsoever. Despite his size, their magic was more than enough to easily overpower him, and it'd take a serious surprise attack for him to kill them.
His threat lay deep within their minds. The thought that someone could hate them so objectively for reasons far beyond their control frightened them to their cores. To them, they were cursed beings, a mockery of nature itself. They shouldn't even exist, the human blood they did possess was tainted; elves were the race that spawned the being which decimated much of the world, and that reflected in their very beings. They were dirty, putrid hellspawn, and people like this wouldn't just tell them how much they were despised.
They would show them.
Subaru hadn't hidden his ears again.
Pointy elf ears…they were the first feature of his that an onlooker would notice, protruding from his hair unless purposely hidden. Maybe in a world without the witch, his ears would be seen as genuinely cute or pretty, but to the vast majority of breathing souls upon this earth, they were the mark of a foul race.
Before a single word was even exchanged, Subaru's nightmare was happening all over again.
The fear bred from his confusion never left his mind, and his body refused to move. Emilia shrieked when the bat-wielding lunatic stormed out of his shack, yet Subaru didn't even flinch. He just stood there, his eyes fixed on nothing in particular, his mind blank. Why wasn't he reacting? The girl he valued more than anyone else alive in this world was audibly distressed, yet he didn't even bother turning his head.
What was happening to him?
That was the last thing Natsuki Subaru would think. Unable to move, or perhaps uncaring. He was broken, he was going crazy, something was wrong with his mind and he wanted it all to stop.
Once again, his eyes snapped open in a horrifyingly familiar place.
—
Blue sky. Birds. A disgustingly cool breeze. Why was it so cold? Why was he here?
What was…who was he?
Emilia once again remained bright and jovial as always, her silver locks swaying aimlessly in the breeze. She was so carefree, so happy, so beautiful—yet he was going mental. He was seeing things he didn't want to see, futures of cold, spineless deaths far beyond his control. It all felt so real, each time he lost his life in his dream, a dull pang of pain still resided within his body afterwards.
Yet the real pain was within him.
Death was not something the mind should be able to comprehend, yet he was seemingly witnessing his death through his own eyes, then returning as if nothing happened in the first place. A cold embrace shrouded his slender body the more his mind delved into the complexities of his dreams. Every moment he dwelled on it made him more and more nauseous. Was he actually experiencing these 'dreams', or was he genuinely just unwell in the head?
He couldn't tell, but when he glanced over to Emilia, his heart sunk even further.
They had stopped walking without him realising it, tears streaming down his face as he agonised over his own mental state. Emilia looked utterly mortified, her hands carefully caressing his face, her mouth moving—probably begging him to answer her—yet all he heard was a dull ringing.
She was really beautiful, wasn't she?
Subaru shut his eyes. Death. Why was he so fixated on death? He hated it, it was so negative and uncomfortable—the topic itself frustrated him. Life, however…that was amazing. It was a gift…a blessing. It's what birthed the greatness of the world and everything within it, yet death simply took all that away.
Emilia was a gift. A blessing. She was his reason to move forward. She was like a gift life had blessed upon him, urging him to pick up his heels and battle onwards.
When Subaru wondered why he bothered living, why he couldn't just die, Emilia was his reason. She didn't just care, her words weren't just baseless sympathy born out of guilt…she could understand him. They were in the same sinking boat, tasked with keeping afloat; she was his life jacket, and he was hers. They were a team.
Subaru had to live, because he was blessed with Emilia.
Subaru had to move forward despite the challenges ahead, because Emilia was a gift to the world.
Subaru had to figure himself out, because he didn't want to worry Emilia any more than he already had.
Death was cold. But Emilia's embrace was warm with life. And it was that embrace that continuously proved to revive his soul when he needed it the most—and this time was no different.
"L-Lia…I'm okay…thank you,"
"Shhh, let's stay like this for a moment longer,"
Subaru couldn't help but oblige. They remained intertwined for a while more as Subaru's tears dried, and as his mind resolved to always protect her. No matter what, he would keep her alive, for to him she represented life itself.
The couple once more embarked on their short journey towards the village. To Emilia, this was a first. To Subaru, this was his third time making this trip.
She would never know what he had seen. She didn't need to know.
And so, when they arrived once more at the checkpoint on the village border, Subaru knew how to keep them both safe. Ensuring his ears were visible, he strolled casually up to the window as he had done times before.
"What yer wantin' lad…ain't ever seen yous lot bef-"
"Minya,"
Before the human male could finish his sentence, he was dead—his lifeless body slumped against the back wall of his raggedy wooden shack.
The pair stood in silence for what felt like an eternity. Subaru's outstretched arm shook gently, fear and anger still prominent within his flesh, yet the expression engraved on his juvenile face remained stoic. It was as if his body and mind were acting out of sync—his mind was swamped with a dark cloud of indescribable emotion, yet his body was still the same kid he always had been. His magic had never been used to hurt anything more than a weak, injured witch beast; the life of a human being was something he never wanted to take, but yet when it came to it…he seemed so casual…so heartless.
But that was far from the truth, and his magic was fired out of what his mind saw as a necessity. But that was far from obvious.
"S-SUBARU, WHAT ARE YOU DOIN-"
"No, Emilia, look," he said calmly, "he was armed, ready to kill us the moment he saw our ears,"
His voice was calm. Shockingly so. But his mind was stuck in a pathetic trance of fear and an intense desire to protect. He had just slaughtered a man, and justified it with words. He was really no better than that man, was he?
To Emilia, that was the truth. He could justify his actions, yet he had simply done the same thing.
"S-Subaru…why did you kill him," she stammered, her gentle hands trembling with something not quite fear, not quite shock. He was right, the human was obviously not friendly…but Subaru's actions had been so quick, so efficient—neither of them could actually comprehend what he had just done. Subaru included. She couldn't quite understand what she needed to feel. Of course, he had just saved her life…but this was not normal for the boy she had come to grow so fond of over the past two years.
"Emilia…"
"Answer me, Subaru, why did you murder that man?" Emilia continued, the tone of her voice escalating into a frustrated growl. She was upset, he was such a wonderfully kind boy, but today something wasn't right with him.
No, that wasn't necessarily true. He was fine in the house, so why was he now acting in such an uncharacteristically rash manner? That didn't even cut it—he wasn't just rash, he wasn't in control. Something was clouding his heart and mind—whether it was fear or panic she would never know. She was unsure if even he himself knew.
Subaru paused momentarily, averting his gaze from Emilia in a guilty mess of realisation. What he had done was irreversible—he couldn't go back in time, nor could he revive the fallen dead. His actions were his own, and he now had to figure out exactly just what he needed to do to weed himself out of this mess.
"I didn't mean to," he mumbled, but it was obviously not genuine. He himself was trying to figure out why he had so quickly resorted to violence, as opposed to simply hiding his ears and going by unnoticed. It wasn't even like that would have been a difficult task—after all, from the things he had seen in his strange visions, the man was almost friendly before he noticed his ears. But his deceit wasn't enough. Hiding behind his own guilty excuses wouldn't help him here—they'd simply dig him deeper into a hole of undoable problems.
"S-Subaru…you're lying to me…"
Emilia's voice was unsteady, disappointed. Had Subaru been looking at her, he would have visibly seen the confusion radiating from her.
"Emilia I'm sorry—"
"Why don't you at least try to deny it? I hate liars…why are you a liar, Subaru?" Emilia croaked, pained tears beginning to stream down her cheeks, "What is happening Subaru…why won't you tell me what's wrong?"
It wasn't about his actions anymore. Emilia was not a stupid girl, and she knew damn well he was acting to protect them both, but he just didn't want to take any chances. He was, however, not being honest with her. Their relationship was built on the foundation that they could trust each other with anything and everything, yet Subaru was hiding things from her.
Why was he suddenly so hesitant to share something that he would usually have no hesitation in sharing? Especially something so obviously serious. Whatever had led him to such uncharacteristic actions was clearly taking a major toll on the very fabric of his soul—he wasn't 'right'. At all.
Subaru was a boy shackled by fear, yet Emilia gave him a key to escape those shackles. But still, his head was clouded in uncertainty, a new, grimier uncertainty. His mind was assaulted with strange things laden with unpleasant futures, and yet he kept his mouth closed—choosing to fight this demon alone. A demon that had led them to a situation they may genuinely feel the backlash of—Roswaal was powerful enough to cover up one rather inconsequential murder, especially seeing as it was easy to prove it was self-defence…yet that wasn't the issue at hand.
Roswaal had built up a dreamy future of prosperity and glamour. Emilia would change the world for humans and demi-humans alike. She was intelligent, powerful, and beautiful—her political influence could potentially be incredible with the backing of such a powerful Lugunican figure backing her. She was primed to be a spearhead in the march for nationwide equality.
Subaru was paved to be her pillar of unbreakable support—a knight of the highest order, one worthy of royalty and nobility alike. His position as a high class half-elf with the backing of Roswaal gave him the same massive leverage Emilia received, and his door into the Lugunican military and political scenes was potentially just as significant. Whilst he wasn't set to be the voice, his target was to be Emilia's brute force—mopping up her mess in a way that only served to make them both, as well as demi-humankind itself, look better in general. He himself was primed to be a truly significant figure alongside Emilia, yet he had let himself down significantly.
What would Roswaal think? The boy he had placed so many expectations on couldn't even disarm a situation without resorting to violence? He felt pathetic, and he wished Emilia didn't have to witness it all.
Her anger was more than warranted. He was being selfish, ignorant, and quite frankly disappointing
"Emilia…the truth is-"
He needed to smooth the situation out. Something wasn't right in his head—he was seeing things he shouldn't, and they were genuinely terrifying to him. He didn't want her to even have to think about the grim contents of those visions, yet if it let her understand the whirlwind of thoughts and emotions swirling within his mind, it may just be justified.
Yet, in her borderline-peculiar kindness, Emilia's voice perked up.
"It's clearly bothering you Subaru, but you need to remember that I am always here for you no matter what. Today is supposed to be a nice day for us both, so just promise me one thing okay?" Emilia interrupted, stepping up towards him.
His eyes rose to meet her for the first time since he basically lost control of his own actions in his emotional mess, yet he still couldn't quite meet her eyes. He knew she was just too nice to not try and understand his actions were genuine and pure intentioned, so the deep guilt and self-resentment still bore deep. Subaru kept his mouth shut as she took his hands within hers, her deep amethyst eyes piercing his soul, begging for entry.
She hated seeing him in the pain she knew hurt him so badly, so she had to find a compromise. Until the time came where he was truly read to open up the wounds in his soul, the ones that refused to heal cleanly, she would just have to be a little bit patient.
"Promise me that you'll continue to trust me, just as I trust you. Promise me that when you're hurting, you tell me where so I can kiss it better. I don't want you to hurt, so-"
"K-Kiss it better…"
It was as if his mind had been wiped and reset. His eyes snapped onto hers almost instantaneously, his mouth agape in shock.
"Yes, like this," Emilia grinned, bending down and pecking a small scratch on Subaru's hand with her soft lips.
"L-Lia, where did you learn to do that?!" Subaru said, his face cast in a glowing red blush, any unease in his mind cast away.
"Oh, I read it in a book about parenting that I found in Frederica's room," Emilia replied nonchalantly, completely oblivious to the blushing mess in front of her. If his mind hadn't been tumultuous before, it was now absolutely positively jumbled. The worries, guilt, panic—if even for just a moment—had been completely replaced with the sheer tenderness and warmth of the girl before him.
"Why are you reading random books in Frederica's…never mind, thank you Emilia…really," Subaru grinned, heaving a deep sigh before letting go of her hands, "Lets not linger here for much longer…i'd rather not be seen here…you know,"
His sigh was of relief, yes, but it was mostly of genuine thankfulness. She had diffused a situation that he didn't deserve to escape from—his actions were abhorrently unusual, yet she had somehow managed to clear his mind as he was slipping into the trenches of culpability. He'd obviously have to face this demon later on—Roswaal would need to know about this, and how he would approach reprimanding Subaru was positively unknown to either of them…but for now, he had the morsel of relief he needed to stay calm.
"Yeah, it'd be best if we hurried along. It looks quiet for now, so let's do what we need to whilst the streets are empty..then we can head off and do our own thing, yeah?"
The streets were empty…it was quiet…they were fine, yeah.
"Yeah, c'mon Emilia, I think it'd be best if we find an inn before we do anything, so lets start there,"
"Why an inn? We are only here whilst we find the address we need?" Emilia inquired in confusion as they headed on into the village.
"Oh, we aren't looking for one to stay in, just to ask for directions. It's much easier and safer than asking total strangers," Subaru said, grabbing her hand and locking their fingers as usual.
"Ah, I see. Let's do that then, good thinking Subaru."
—
Subaru and Emilia strolled through the seemingly desolate town, just as they had done only twenty minutes before. Well, that fact was only known to Subaru, for the futures he had imagined were only known to him, everyone else completely unaware that they had even happened.
The pair were in no rush though. Subaru was in an exceedingly good mood given what had just occurred at the checkpoint, all thanks to his female companion's actions, and he was simply enjoying spending time with her. The weather was warming up as spring kicked into bloom, the cloudless sky matched with a brisk breeze serving to make the day nothing but pleasant.
"So once we deliver this stuff to Ros' weird friend, I think we should get some sweets from a bakery, and then find a nice meadow to sit down in. The weather is wonderful, after all," Subaru said, breaking the calm silence which hung over the town.
"Why is he weird, we've never met him," Emilia giggled, nudging him with her elbow.
"Any friend of Roswaal is bound to be weird, it's obvious,"
"Okay, that's fair…I can't exactly deny that," she said, "I hope he's not as creepy as Roswaal though. If he is, you can do all of the talking and I'll stand behind you,"
"What, no fair. What if he winks at me or something," Subaru groaned, pretending to gip as he held his stomach.
"Grow up dummy, I'm sure you'll be fineeee,"
"Don't you mean 'we will be fine'?"
"You'll be fine, Subaru," Emilia winked, taking his hand back into hers, acting as if nothing happened.
"It's fine if you do it, you're cute,"
"I'm what now, speak up Subaru, I can't hear youuu," she teased the pouting boy.
"You're a bully,"
The pair continued to make their way towards the town's inn, following the occasional signs giving them a general direction as to where they were going. It was only a small community, so finding it wasn't a great task, but they would absolutely need directions if they were to find the address Roswaal had given them.
After a short while longer, their destination came into view, yet even then the town around them remained deathly silent. Absolutely nobody was in the streets despite it being comfortably mid-morning by now. Subaru was starting to wonder if humans started their days at weirdly late times, and secretly hoped the inn itself wasn't just closed.
"Still quiet huh, guess it's better than the alternative," Subaru mumbled, genuinely glad that the streets weren't jam packed with busy pedestrians. That would probably trigger his fight or flight response, thinking about it.
"Okay Emilia, this is it. Let's get our directions and head off, this place is seriously starting to creep me out now,"
"Yeah, okie. Do you want me to wait outside?"
Flashes of a pink-haired woman shot through his mind, a deep chill firing down his spine.
Who was she?
"Emilia, something feels off,"
She said nothing in response, but the loom of worry and alarm rapidly growing on her slender face told him her answer.
"We can't go into the inn, I don't think it's a good idea to be here. Something is clearly wrong…Emilia, we're going home. Where is Puck?"
"I-I can't…he's not answering me. He's there, but he won't respond to my calls," she muttered, clutching the green gemstone in her small hands. Subaru noticed her hand seemed to never leave Puck's crystal as of recent, and that may be why.
Her spirit was dormant, and neither of them had the answer as to why. When they needed his protection the most, he had left them stranded.
"He's not answering you? Isn't he supposed to protect you?" Subaru barked, his tone much harsher than he had intended. He could see the agony on Emilia's face, and instantly regretted his overly cruel interrogation.
"B-But…he's never done this before," Emilia croaked, staring at her crystal with a noticeable grimace plastered on her face. She was upset already, mortified even—Puck had been missing all day, and she had obviously tried to brave through the fear, but as tensions rose…that became extremely difficult.
Puck almost never left Emilia's side, whether he was materialised in his kitten form or not. He was available at a moment's notice, risking everything and everyone to protect Emilia and Emilia alone. Emilia would fondly recall to Subaru how reliable and protective Puck had been during her short stay in Elior Forest, and Puck himself would…jokingly brag about how he'd pull no punches when it came to her. Because of this, Subaru had come to assume Puck would keep them safe when a true danger truly arose…but now that he knew something was wrong…he was missing completely.
Subaru knew they were in a rough situation, but without Puck, they were basically defenceless against anything more than a Wolgarm or regular adult human. His absence left them nothing but sitting ducks in the middle of a deserted human village, pitted against a foe Subaru knew was beyond a threat to their life. He had seen those visions, those dreams of his life cut short, and they were now ringing genuine alarm bells in his head.
Whoever she was, she was a threat to not just the lives of himself and Emilia, but the lives of everyone else as well.
An entire village does not just happen to oversleep concurrently. This girl clearly had no restrictions—she would kill everyone and everything in sight with magic more powerful than they had ever seen. Puck wasn't here to stop her.
They had to leave. Immediately.
"Emilia, come on, let's go. Now," Subaru demanded, grabbing her hand. His face read fear but his voice commanded authority—Emilia wasnt so stupid as to ignore him now over a few mean words. But that didn't eliminate her confusion, he hadn't been right all day, and his sudden panicked outburst was extremely concerning.
"Subaru, what is going on? Why do we need to leave? What is wrong with you,"
Emilia's concern was genuine and understandable. Even Subaru himself didn't know what was actually happening, what he was seeing, why his mind was so crowded with inexplicable fear. His thoughts had been so mangled since they left, that he was genuinely unsure if he was even awake or not—he felt like a lunatic, like the world was melting and reforming around his every move. It was as if he was completely losing it.
"E-Emilia, well, you know when you get a bad feeling…"
"A simple bad feeling isn't enough Subaru. You've been acting really weird all day…why won't you tell me what's wrong?"
"I'm…can you not see how suspicious this situation is," Subaru said, dodging Emilia's question, "I mean, this place is completely deserted…that's not normal, right?"
"Subaru, I know that, but I'm asking you what's wrong. Why are you so scared to open up to me all of a sudden? Can you not trust me anymore?"
Subaru's stress levels were rapidly rising as Emilia pressed harder and harder. Why was he so hesitant? Sure, he told himself that the things he 'saw' were too harrowing and sudden, that he didn't want to scare her with his weird visions…but that wasn't it. He couldn't lie to himself anymore.
He had always been able to trust Emilia with anything and everything. No matter how small or stupid their problem or worry was, they'd mutually confide in each other every single time. They shared a relationship of trust and confidence—so why was he betraying that now?
"Lia, listen, I don't know what's going on…I just,"
"You need to talk to me, Subaru. Tell me what's happening…please,"
"Emilia…I promise I'll tell you later, let's just go home for now," Subaru said, taking her hand within his own much more gently. Her face still held that look of discomfort which made Subaru feel so guilty, but he just had a feeling of discomfort and worry that he couldn't shrug off. He truly felt that if he chose to ignore the blaring warning signs, that they would regret it
It still didn't sit right for Emilia though. In the space of under an hour, he had gone from excited, to nervous, to noticeably uncomfortable. He had killed someone…he was slightly distant—whatever was going on was surely serious, but the fact that he couldn't tell her genuinely frightened her. Maybe she was being immature, maybe her worries were unfounded and she should just trust the boy who was obviously just looking out for her and always had done…but that fear in his eyes was not normal. She hadn't actually seen that look since they first met, in the two years that had passed he never once glanced at her with that look of genuine petrification, but now it was as if it had taken him over entirely.
She wanted just to sit him down, as she always would, and play with his hair. That never failed to calm him down. They'd be able to talk properly when he was calm, but Subaru was far from it at the moment—it was as if he couldn't stand still, he was tetchy, jumpy, and absolutely terrified of something.
That fear had obviously risen gradually over the course of the day, but the fact that it had seemingly begun to peak so strongly now sent even more red flags in Emilia's direction.
Something was wrong, he'd just have to do as he said and wait until they were definitely safe.
But that didn't mean she herself was not beginning to feel her own worry and panic building. She had her own glaring problem, and that was no other than the fact that her spirit guardian Puck was completely unresponsive.
Puck was her father, and she knew he loved her as a daughter. He'd unfrozen her from her icy coma, and had guided her through life ever since that day. He was stern in his devotion to her protection and safety, and she could truly say that he was her closest ally. He'd sacrifice anything and everything for her. No matter what.
It didn't matter who had to die, how much destruction had to occur. If she was safe, then Puck believed with his entire being that his job was done. And if he somehow managed to fail in that task, the world's end was his only other option.
But yet, he ignored her calls. Or rather, it was as if he couldn't even hear them in the first place. It was as if he was a husk inside of his crystal. It wasn't just worrying her, it was genuinely terrifying her. She'd never been without Puck, nevermind in a situation like this, and with Subaru so distressed, it felt as if she was trapped between a rock and a hard place.
It felt as if she was going crazy.
"Emilia, c'mon, lets go," Subaru pressed, only serving to deepen the tense worry spread across Emilia's face.
"Promise me,"
Emilia's eyes met his, illustrating her deadly seriousness with nothing more than a glance.
"Promise me, Subaru, that you will tell me what is wrong,"
Subaru nodded, a thin smile widening on his trembling lips. Fear was hard to hide, and Subaru gave no effort. He wanted Emilia to see how terrified he was, and from what he could see, it was working. He didn't want to die…he didn't want her to die. She had given him a drop of calm in a storm laden with turbulence—he couldn't let that go, ever.
He almost instantly turned to set off back up the country track, yet his efforts to pull away were met with iron resistance.
"Promise me, Subaru. I want you to say it,"
Emilia refused to budge. Her hand latched onto his thin wrist like a vice—refusing to let him go until he confirmed his intentions in words. To Emilia, that was as good as any legally binding contract. To Emilia, a promise was an untreatable declaration of purpose. Subaru's quick nod was far from what she had asked for, and so, she refused to budge.
Subaru's face warped into a frustrated glare of disbelief and respect—there was no deceiving her, no playing her games by his own rules. Hiding her from the truth would only serve to hurt her more; Emilia's promise must be respected, else he'd risk actually losing her. That's the type of person she was. She didn't have much time to take bullshit.
"I, um,"
"Promise me, Subaru. I want to know exactly what has made you so strange today," she reaffirmed, her irritation growing increasingly prevalent. Why now? Why now has he suddenly raised his walls up to her—it felt suffocating, as selfish as it may be. What reason did he have to close himself off to her, especially when it's obviously tearing him apart on the inside.
"I promise Emilia. I promise to tell you everything…everything,"
Subaru was practically oozing anxiety. It felt as if every extra word was slicing another part of his soul away—it was no longer unease, and it had long surpassed fright. His emotions were new, and they attacked his mind in ways he couldn't ignore. Every inch of his being truly felt as if it was under siege; Subaru felt a slave to his own emotions, and he was directly harming the girl he had vowed to protect in his frantic loss of self control.
Memories that didn't belong to him, but did at the same time. Deaths of men that are supposed to be him, yet he stands breathing, living—it was as if his brain was replaying a nightmare that only got worse and worse, deeper and deeper. He had seen hell with his own two eyes—a great fire that stole the life away from those who gave him his own—and yet the trepidation he felt was like no other.
It was darker, grimier, less conscious. There was no end to it, the memories were fresher than even those of last night—they attacked him time and time again, relentlessly swamping his senses until all he could feel was pain.
"Emilia, let's go,"
His voice was unsteady, croaky. His throat was dry, that didn't matter, they just had to reach safety. Roswaal was powerful, he said he would protect them, where was Puck? Why wasn't he protecting her? What was happening to him?
Running and running and running. His legs weren't particularly long, yet all he could do was run as fast as he possibly could, never letting go of Emilia's hands. Tears streamed down his face, but he didnt care. It didn't embarrass him anymore, he had other priorities, ones that defined the margins between life and death themselves.
Yet only he seemed to understand that. His mind had very clearly illustrated the consequences of his refusal to act on multiple occasions, and yet even Emilia was surprised when he did step up. His magic was strong enough by now to eliminate an obvious threat—so why did his decision to protect them stun her so sincerely. It was obvious that the town being quiet was suspicious, so going home and waiting for another day was surely the sensible option—especially with Puck's absence.
Why was he acting on an impulse that he shouldn't have?
That was a question he indeed could not answer.
The pair ran along, their exhausted breaths and heavy steps echoing throughout the silent forest, yet the lack of disturbance was beyond unusual. No birds sang, and no breeze blew—it was as if everything was dead still, lifeless for no reason whatsoever.
It took a while for that to actually register in their heads though, for all Subaru cared about was getting the one person he genuinely cared for back home, and Emilia's head was far too crowded with emotions she couldn't process to notice.
Subaru could not clear his mind of the memories he had seemingly experienced less than an hour before—flashes of pink quickly replaced by a blinding light he came to associate with death. How ironic.
It played in his mind on loop—Emilia's look of panic, the deadpan expression on the childlike girl's face, the hesitation in her eyes before she fired the spell that swallowed them both, guiding them into a death that would never come for Subaru.
For he was forced to watch it. Again and again.
His legs grew tired, uncharacteristically so. He prided himself on his relentless perseverance, yet every step he willed his body through felt more and more sluggish. He just wanted to keep her safe, but it felt like even the grip he held on her small hand was even too much for his body to handle.
It was as if the recoil from his own mental anguish had begun to pile on top of him all at once—crushing him more and more with every stride he pushed himself through. Guilt, nerves, fear, pain…everything he had repressed in just the past few hours was beginning to burst, trying and succeeding to escape the makeshift prison he had built up within his soul.
Each moment felt like a thick mud grew deeper and deeper beneath his feet, threatening to swallow him whole…threatening to…
Before them, a short female, pity cast upon her otherwise expressionless face. A white robe, pristine in its condition, was draped over her small frame—covering everything below her nose. Pointed ears like their own peaked out from beneath her peach-pink crown of long hair, yet she was no ally—nothing but unadulterated evil seeped from her. Just looking upon her form made the pair of half-elves blood run cold—obvious malignance radiated from her in horrific waves.
Subaru had now reached a point where his legs were no longer able to support his body, and so he crashed to the ground with little to no resistance. Emilia, who he had been so desperately dragging along with him, stumbled to the floor along with him, as he refused to let the grip on her hand fail.
"It seems that at least one of you was aware of my presence."
Her voice was soft, but much like her outer appearance, it did not reflect the raw malintent seeping from within her.
"You have indeed done well to get this far, in fact. Whether it was coincidence or some miracle, you have each done a tremendous job, yet I do apologise," she said somewhat sarcastically, jumping up from the ground, yet not falling back down as normal—instead floating in the air.
"It is a requirement that I exterminate you both…it would indeed be easier if you stayed still."
Her request held little meaning, however, for neither dared move. It was pointless. Her very presence invoked a fear upon them that was impossible to overcome given the circumstances.
Emilia crawled over his body, wrapping her thin arms around him in a protective cradle. His body was violently shaking in pure fear, yet she still did her best to try and ease that trepidation.
There was not much she could do. Puck wasn't responding…she felt absolutely useless.
Looking after the one other soul who gave her even a glimmer of hope was almost natural to her—it gave her just as much comfort knowing that fact.
"I promise,"
His voice was barely audible, for it was more of a promise to himself than to anyone else. It didn't go unnoticed to Emilia though, for she squeezed him tighter, burying her face into his neck as an almost final acknowledgment
"I will save you,"
"Jiwald,"
At that moment, the pair lost their lives, and Natsuki Subaru made a vow to himself that he would never forget.
But in the end, for everyone but that boy:
Tomorrow is another day.