I passed out. I must have, and I wouldn't rightly blame myself. Creators the agony, it still throbbed somewhat behind my eyes. I felt exhausted, empty of all energy. Floating through a dark abyssal dream that seemed to have no end in sight. Then a small green light floating unassumingly in the darkness. The closer I got, the further away it seemed but something told me to get to it. It whispered of something, something I should know. A woman, my mother... Tall fair, hair as yellow as the sun and kind. Robed in the finest silk and adorned in beautiful silver bangles as we looked out over the great expanse of forest below us. Great statues of The Dread Wolf stood proudly with the trees . I had never felt so free. The world seemed to shimmer, the air was sweet and magic... Oh the magic that seemed to flow through the air I breathed. Why was this dream so real? The realest dreams are the cruelest, they trick us into believing that these glorious things are reality. When they can't be. My mother never wore silks such as these, nor did she ever have any fine jewellery. I'd never been to such an expanse of forests before, never mind with my mother. Nonetheless I smiled at her and she smiled back, if this was a dream then I could at least embrace it.
"Can you feel it dahlen?" She whispered to me. Her tongue forming words I shouldn't understand.
"Feel what, mother?" I asked. She smiled then, a truer smile than I'd ever seen grace her face. Then she looked out over the horizon, her beautiful eyes shining out like stars.
"Freedom, Nevalla. I want you to remember this moment. Never again will you be bound by chains, never again will you be marked by-"
"Nevalla, can you hear me!" A voice, a loud one, I recognised it, tore through my dream and I shot into the waking world with long strangled breath. I shot up, remembering what had happened, the agony and the whispered prayers and the fear of losing my mind. An insinct kicked in and I shot forward, but my legs were like jelly and I flopped to the floor. However, two strong arms caught me and I huffed into his chest.
"Don't let them make me tranquil..." I muttered weakly and he hushed me.
"I will not, Dhalen." He said, his voice trying to be soft, probably for my sake, but I could here the contained wrath that edged it.
"A rite of tranquility? Without any witnesses, no conformation from any enchanters? What were you thinking Cassandra?" Leliana's voice was no longer just a hidden threat, it was unbridled scorn.
"She showed signs of possession, I acted on what I thought was right." The seeker defended. I tried to stand up to face her but I couldn't find the energy.
"What you thought was ignorant and wrong!"Solas hissed viciously. "Granted, Lavellan has little control of her magic, but to attempt to make her tranquil? You are barbaric."
"This has nothing to do with you, apostate." Cullen raised his voice and I felt Solas' whole form tense.
"It is I who will have to treat her. You don't know how crippled her soul might be after your inflictions." He said coldly, manoeuvring me so I could sit somewhat upright on the stone chair.
"Ma melava hellani... Ma serranas..." I muttered with a tired smile. The words seemed to fit in my mouth, my tongue formed them without thought... Which was strange given I only knew the basic "hello", "goodbye" in elvhen.
"Ma nuvenin." He said kindly. But I could see Cullen positively bristling behind him. Cassandra on the other hand, didn't even raise her head.
"Are we really to just let an abomination live among us?" He demanded.
"I am not an abomination." I grolwed, my strength coming back to me.
"From what I heard, that is exactly what you are. Leliana, we must deal with this, she is a threat to everyone including the Herald if left-"
"Enough, Cullen!" Cassandra barked and without another word, he stood down. "We were wrong, acted too quickly. If Solas says she is not possessed then I am satisfied. He has a great deal more magical knowledge than you or I. I only hope in time you will forgive me, Lavellan. I should have known better." Her tone, her body language, her inability to meet my eyes tugged in my chest. This woman was truly sorry. More than that, the remorse in her words were so heavy that I'm certain there was a degree of self loathing! How could I not forgive her?
"You acted on impulse." I said, still regaining my breath, "But these are frightful days and I can't rightly blame you for it. Just... Next time go easy on the soul crippling rites, deal?"
"You would forgive her just like that?" Solas said bitterly.
I shrugged and half smiled at Cassandra when I realised she raised her head.
"No harm no foul." I said brightly, slowly raising myself out of the chair.
"That remains to be seen." Solas said as he folded his arms.
"I'm fine! Honestly, just some odd dreams but nothing a strong drink won't fix." I tenderly took a few steps. Cassandra reached out an arm to steady me.
"Odd dreams?" Solas said, concern back in his voice.
"Not that kind of odd, it was about my mother."
"Was it truly your mother? Where were you in this dream, what did she look like? Could it have been a demon?" Cullen jabbered behind me. I sighed heavily, still not quite forgiving him yet as he had yet to apologise.
"It was my mother, though she was wearing nice silks and jewellery, see living in an alienage she never wore anything nicer than her cotton apron. We were on either the peak of a mountain or a tower, I can't be sure and we were looking out over a large forest with big old elven statues, nothing that would interest you Cullen, let me tell you." I said, shortly, too tired to deal with questions at the moment. All I wanted was a warm bed and a bowl of stew. Was that truly so much to ask?
"A forest?" Solas then asked.
I rolled my eyes and sighed, "Not you too, look, I think we've all established that I'm not possessed. Now can I please just get back to my toast?" All of them looked at me strangely now, even Solas.
"Enough, you must rest. Get back to your toast. Though I will make note that you did pilfer it oh so fiendishly." It was Leliana that spoke now, her hand finding the crook of my elbow as she lead me from the dungeon and out of the chantry.
"Are you sure you're alright, Lavellan?" She asked me softly once we were back in the open air of Haven. I nodded to her and smiled at her kindness.
"Yes, I'm sure. Thank you for stopping it all." I said earnestly.
She chuckled, "Truly it was not me, Solas practically floored the reverend mother."
I outright laughed at the image. Bitch bloody deserved it.
"Go, rest. I must get back to my agents. I'll speak with you later regarding the report of the mountains pass." With that she nodded and returned to her tent. The sun was going down now and I was so ready for my bed that I practically sprinted to it. I was assigned a little shack just on the boarder of the forest that surrounded the village. Maybe they thought I'd be more comfortable here. I scoffed at the notion as I opened the little latch. I immediately flopped down on my rickety little bed and fell asleep, not even bothering to take off my cloak. I was too exhausted, no matter what I said to the rest of them, I'd never felt so physically drained in all my life. Maybe it showed and that's why they all looked so concerned. I was quite thankful for that, thankful that Cassandra seemed genuinely distressed over what she'd done. She was a good woman, hopefully when things got a little less awkward (because believe me they'd be awkward, you don't just move past trying to make someone tranquil), she would be a good friend. Cullen on the other hand was a royal dick, so was the reverend mother. I felt myself smile again at the thought of Solas nearly flooring her. He appeared a very stoic man before today, but it was the most stressed and yet most kind I'd seen him since we met. I found myself drifting off to the thought of him and suddenly there he was standing in front of me, hands clasped behind his back and studying me. Where we were was hard to picture, it was grey and blurred. But something told me I new where it was. I just couldn't remember.
"Do you suffer from amnesia?" He asked suddenly and I started.
"You're very brash for a dream." I accused him.
"Do you avoid the question?" He countered. I frowned at him, "No, I don't."
"Was that in answer to the former?" I hesitated, something made me hesitate. Why? Fen'harel's balls, I don't know.
"Yes." I said but he could see the uncertainty in my answer. No... He couldn't, he's a dream, moron- a figment of your imagination.
"Then explain how you know this place but you can't see it?" He said shortly, looking around at the grey expanse. "This is a memory, yet you have forgotten it. I'm simply curious as to where it is and why you've forgotten it."
I shook my head and tried to rid myself of this weight in my chest and my brain's inane desire to play mind games when all I wanted was to get some sleep.
"Everyone forgets things." I said defensively. His curious look vanished then and he nodded.
"Perhaps. Then again, it is none of my business."
"You're bloody right it isn't." I said sharply.
"Then I shall let you rest, forgive me for the intrusion." He said simply and the dream filtered away to one of flying or falling or something along those lines until I awoke to the sound of cheering.