Here's chapter 19, enjoy and review please xx

previously:

'You can tell me anything Bella, please just tell me your worrying me now' He pleaded with me.

'Charlie...he raped me' I whispered.

Bella's POV

As soon as the words left my mouth, I felt Edward tense up next to me. I refused to meet his eyes knowing he was going to found me disgusting and not want to ever talk to me again. I could feel my heart speed up and pound against my ribcage. I couldn't tell how long it had been since the words had left my mouth but every second was sending me further into a full blown panic attack. I peeked up at him and he was staring off into space with a look of absolute hatred on his face. He seemed frozen in place, I had to get away from him because he was kind of scaring me. What the hell did I think I was thinking telling him that. I knew this was going to happen, I must be really stupid to think that he would react in any other way.

I unwrapped myself from him and without another backwards glance headed towards the bathroom and locked the door behind me not wanting to face anybody. I didn't know what I expected when I told him but I had no idea he would react the way he did. I slid down on the floor and leaned against the door and just cried my eyes out, large sobs racking through my body sending shockwaves through my bruised ribs. The feeling that flowed through my body was gut-wrenching. Pain spread through my heart like someone stabbing with a million knives.

I don't know how long I stayed curled up in a ball with my knees curled up to my chest. The tears just wouldn't stop falling and no matter what I couldn't stop them. My heart was beating violently against my chest and I could feel myself go into a full blown panic attack. I needed to calm down before I passed out and hurt myself more so I got up from the floor and turned on the shower to the hottest it would go. Stripping off my clothes, I climbed in ignoring the sting of the water on my skin. The pain in my chest was much worse right now than any other pain I was feeling.

Over my life with Charlie I had experienced lots of pain in all ways imaginable but the emotional pain I was feeling right now in my chest was worse than anything I have ever felt in my entire life. I've dealt with a lot over the years but I didn't know how to handle this anymore. How much pain can one person deal with before getting to breaking point. I felt dirty and worthless just like Charlie has wanted me to feel from the first day he ever hit me. Things would never be the same ever again.

Once the water started going cold, I climbed out and wrapped myself up in a towel and dried myself off and got redressed with tears still falling down my cheeks. No matter what I did I just couldn't stop them. Like seriously how many tears can one person cry before they are all cried out. I didn't know what was going to be waiting for me when I left this bathroom and I didn't know whether I actually had the strength to cope with it. I needed to calm down before I faced anyone. I sat down on the toilet seat and pulled my knees to my chest and took some deep breaths trying to calm down but I couldn't stop thinking of the way Edward looked when I told him about what Charlie did. The image of his face kept flashing before my eyes.

This of course brought a whole new round of fresh tears and caused pain to rock through my body once again. When was this going to end? I couldn't handle it. I put my head in my knees and cried like I've never cried before and I wouldn't be surprised if the whole house could hear me but right now I didn't care.

I was interrupted from my loud cries by a gentle knocking on the bathroom door causing my head to shoot up in that direction. I didn't make a move to open the door, I wasn't ready to face anybody. I couldn't face anybody else looking at me with the look that Edward had when I told him.

'Bella sweetheart, it's Esme. Can you open the door for me please?' she asked. I took a steadying breath and got up onto my feet, I didn't want to act rude because of how kind they had all been to me the past few days and even if they wanted me to leave then I would respect no matter how much it would break my heart. I took a few steps forward and opened the door. Esme immediately came in and saw how upset I was and wrapped me into a big hug and lead me out of the bathroom and sat me down on the bed. She just held me rubbing circles in my back until I managed to calm down enough so that I wasn't shaking and sobbing uncontrollably.

'Bella darling are you okay?' She asked after a while of silence. I didn't know what to reply, I didn't know how I was feeling. Has Edward said anything to them about what I told them? many thoughts flew through my mind and It was all just so overwhelming.

'I think so' I answered not really sure whether I would ever truly be okay ever again. I couldn't understand how anything was ever going to be okay and quite frankly I didn't think I deserved to have a happy life, I deserved the pain that always seem to be there. I just wanted the pain to go away, I wish I could be somebody else and live somebody else's life. Why did my mother have to die and leave me all alone? I don't know why that thought kept coming back to me.

Did I really blame my dead mother for what happened? No. I couldn't hold that against her when she had no choice or way to stop it all from happening and it just made me feel worse to sit here and think that if my mother hadn't passed away I would of lived a normal happy life. I missed her so much and wished more than anything she was here right now but also glad that she didn't have to suffer at the hands of Charlie. If my mother had been alive and he had ever laid a hand on her in the way he had to me over the years I wouldn't of lasted so long and wouldn't of let him hurt her. I don't know how I would of stopped him but I would rather be in pain myself than someone else hurt because of me.

That was another reason I was so hesitant to let the Cullen's get close to me, I couldn't handle losing them like I had my mother and if Charlie came and tried to hurt them to try and get to me then I would never forgive myself. I wouldn't let that happen no matter what. I had to protect them, they didn't have to get hurt because of me when all they have done is be nothing but kind and caring towards me. They have made me feel more welcome in their home than I have felt in a long time but now after the way Edward acted earlier, I had no idea how welcome I would actually be in this house.

'Bella, what happened between you and Edward?' Esme asked me.

'Did Edward not tell you?' I asked her.

'No he came running down the stairs and went running out of the front door without another word. Emmett and Jasper are out looking for him now and Im not going to force you to talk about what happened if you don't want to but I do need you to know that we are all here for you to talk to' She said. Should I tell her or not? I didn't want her to react the way Edward did. Could I handle it?

'I don't want you all to hate me' I whispered, tears falling down my face.

'Bella darling no matter what you say to us, it will not make us hate you. We want to help you, I know things are difficult right now but I promise things will get better in time but it will just take some time' Esme told me with nothing but the truth in her voice but I couldn't let myself hope that things will get better because I couldn't let myself get hurt by hoping. I took a deep breath before looking in her eyes to see nothing but concern and worry. I decided I would tell her and just hoped that she wouldn't react in the same way Edward did.

'Rosalie came in and told me a little about her past and what happened to her before she came to live with you and after she had finished I don't why but I felt like I had to tell someone something about what had happened with Charlie. Esme he raped me' I told her and took a deep breath before continuing. 'I told Edward and he just froze and he had this look on his face that showed nothing but pure disgust and hatred. He didn't say anything. I just broke down and locked myself in the bathroom and cried for so long. I shouldn't of let him do it to me, I should of stopped him. I should of been strong enough to stop him from doing that to me. I know Edward hates me now' I said and then broke down in floods of tears. Why didn't I have the strength to stop him from doing that to me.

I collapsed to the floor and wrapped my arms around myself to try and hold myself together. Esme got off the bed and wrapped her arms around me. 'Bella darling what happened to you was not your fault and I don't think anything you could of done would of stopped him from doing it. Please don't believe yourself, its not your fault. The only person who is at fault is your father for doing that to you and I can promise you now that Edward will not and does not hate you Bella. I'm sure he was just upset and angry that your father would do something like that to you. He cares about you Bella and he hates to see you hurt or upset. Everything will be fine, as soon as he comes back I will make sure he comes and sees you and sorts things out. You should of told us sooner, I know you probably thought we would think badly of you but all we want to do is be there for you and help you through it' She said to me. She helped me up and we sat on the bottom of the bed whilst I calmed down enough to be able to speak.

'I know I should of said something but your right I didn't want anyone to think badly of me. I couldn't handle that and when Edward froze like that and didn't say anything it just wasn't the reaction that I was expecting from him. It took a lot of courage to be able to tell him' I said wiping some tears away.

'Bella I can't even begin to understand how much courage that most of took to be able to tell someone what he did to you but telling somebody was the right thing to do. Bella can I ask you something?' She said. I couldn't seem to be able to find my voice so I just nodded my head in response.

'When did he rape you?' Esme asked. I took a deep calming breath and decided I would tell her everything that happened to me that night.

'It was the day that I first met Alice and she took me home after she found me collapsed in the girls toilets, she took me for something to eat and I didn't know we had been that long until I got home and Charlie was already there and I knew I was in trouble the moment I saw him. He grabbed me and immediately shoved me against the wall and started to land punch after punch until he busted my lip open, I remember tasting blood in my mouth then he started to kick me over and over and told me I was a mistake and that I should never of been born. He carried on beating me until I passed out. When I woke up..' I stopped as the tears started spilling down my cheeks.

'Bella you don't have to carry on, just take some deep breathes and calm down. When your ready, I'll be here for you to talk' Esme said and went to give me a hug but I stopped her. I needed to tell her what happened now before I chickened out.

'No, I need to do this now' I told her.

'Okay but stop if it gets too much too handle' Esme said and I nodded at her before continuing. 'When I came around, Charlie was standing over me and started to kick before yelling at me to make him something to eat. I don't know how he expected me to cook when I was in so much pain but I knew that if I didn't get up and make him something it would be so much worse. It took me a while but I managed to get to my feet and made him something to eat. I called him in for his dinner and after he finished eating I went to wash his plate when he grabbed me from behind and dragged me up the stairs by my neck and shoved me into my room. I thought he was just going to leave me alone so I changed into some pyjamas and fell asleep when all of a sudden my bedroom door slammed open and he came staggering in stinking of alcohol. He grabbed hold of me and dragged me to my feet causing me to scream but he just slapped me and I fell to the floor. He started to punch me over and over until I was feeling dizzy and didn't have the energy to struggle against him no more. He then held me down by the wrists and took off my clothes. I tried with all of my strength to get him off me but I couldn't stop him. It felt like it went on for forever and when he finished he stood up and hit me multiple times with his belt and then just got dressed and left me lying there. I must of passed out because the next thing I remembered was waking up the next morning in a lot of pain' I told her.

'Aww sweetheart, I can't imagine what that must of been like for you but I promise we won't let him hurt you no more. Bella, maybe you should let Carlisle have a look at you and check that your okay' She said. I immediately started panicking, I don't think I could handle him examining me.

'I promise he won't hurt you, I just want to make sure everything is okay' She assured me, I somehow knew he wouldn't hurt me but I didn't think I had the strength to go through that but she was right, I needed to make sure everything was okay.

'Will you stay with me, I don't think I could handle it on my own' I asked her.

'Yes of course I will' Esme said and wrapped me in a tight hug. I suddenly felt extremely tired after telling her everything and the days events, I need some time alone and to get some sleep. sensing my tiredness, esme helped me lay down in the bed and placed the blankets on top of me. I felt her kiss my forehead before falling asleep.

Thank you for reading, let me know what you think :) xx