"Conscripts?!" I cried out indignantly as I paced up and down the dungeons back at Haven. Leliana said nothing, only looked as morose as I felt about the fact that had still yet to seem plausible to me: The Herald had conscripted the mages. Conscripted them like a desperate commander conscripts beggars on the street and criminals in their cells. I was outraged, to say the least. I couldn't even articulate how I felt until Leliana brought me down here.
"We need the mages on our side! How can we expect them to fight for us if it is not of their own choice. These people fought to have a right to choose their life, she just stripped them of anything they ever stood for! May as well have just gone a sided with the bloody Templars!" I ranted and I could see in her eyes, Leliana agreed but she had brought me down here to cool my temper, she couldn't let hers flare too.

"Declaring the rebel mages open allies of the inquisition would have given us many enemies, more so than what we have already. In conscripting them we have them as allies but not as equals. I understand your revulsion at the decision Lavellan, truly I do but as difficult as this is, we must support the Herald in the decisions she chooses to make, lest we fall into anarchy."

In my opinion a little anarchy would do this place good. Everyone here was far too revering of the Herald. That kind of worship can lead a person to believe that they deserve it. I said nothing however, only continued my aggressive pacing. What made it all the worse was how proud Cullen looked and how she looked back at him with a soft smiled that begged for his reassurance that she had made the right choice. It burned me like a fire inside my belly. He had sunk his claws into her and it would take a lot to get them out again. I bit my tongue, it was late but I wasn't tired, my mind too alive with all that had happened over these last few days. I needed a walk, a long one, I didn't expect to return before morning. I told Leliana this and she half smiled but let me take my leave.

Coming out of the stuffy Chantry always gave me a sort of relief, but especially tonight. The air was particularly crisp and the night sky particularly clear. It seemed to go on forever, the pure lights of the stars peppering their way across it for eternity. I like the night sky, it made everything seem so small in comparison to it's vastness. It even made these problems seem smaller. Those stars had been here since the dawn of time and would be until its end. We were only a fleeting glimpse to them, a momentary blur of life that would pass as it always has. One thing rises as another falls, but the stars go on forever. There was a comforting inevitability in that.

I breathed in the clean night air and felt the fire in me fade slightly. A long walk outside the village walls would do a world of good. The trees always seemed more alive in the moonlight and everything seemed more... magical. I was always convinced that the veil was weaker at night, like the moonlight stripped it away slightly. That was the only explanation I could come up with. Maybe I'd ask Solas about it, he loved talking about the fade. I found myself smiling when I thought of him, which shocked me altogether out of my thoughts. So perhaps I was fond of the grumpy sod, but nothing more. He was at least ten years my senior. Still, the more I thought about him, the more I thought back to Redcliff and what he said to me. It still made me uneasy to think about that dark future but his words had stirred something in me, something so strong that I hadn't slept since for fear of the dreams I would have. If they were at all dreams.
I sighed again as I came to the gate trying not to vex myself any further. I need not have bothered however, as the gate guard was told to stop by a commanding, smug and self satisfied,

"Halt!"

I rolled my eyes ridiculously so, and the guard held back her smirk but straightened as soon as Cullen was close enough. I spun on a heal then and faced the commander. Creators, even the sight of his face made me angry.

"To what do I owe the displeasure, Cullen." I said sharply. He narrowed his eyes at me and put his hand on the hilt of his sword.

"Where are you going?" He asked me bluntly, that permanent line of worry sitting once again on his brow.

I shrugged, "I don't recall that being your business." He didn't seem amused, so I decided to wind him up further, he did bite so easily. "Alright," I said putting my hands up, "I'm off to dance naked under the moonlight and summon demons. Might make a human sacrifice or two when I'm out there, care to join?" The guard behind me snorted with laughter but a cold glare from Cullen silenced her.

"You are aware that the Herald has conscripted Redcliff's mages." He said and I felt the fire begin to burn in my chest once again.

"No doubt you had a hand in that error in judgement." I quipped.

He ignored me however, and continued with an exasperated sigh, "It means that the mages in our Inquisition have to be kept under constant surveillance. A curfew has been put into affect so that no mages are to be outside the walls of Haven after nightfall. This includes you, Lavellan" He said sternly. I was taken aback, truly, I didn't think he'd ever actually forbid me to have a walk. Who knows where he suddenly grew the balls from. He continued to talk through my gob smacked silence.

"All evidence has shown that you are particularly unstable and have little control of your magic. For the safety of the Inquisition, I implor you to return to your home." he continued to ramble and I lost interest, so, I simply turned around and proceeded to walk through the gate. Perhaps I was being unreasonable, but I would not be told I couldn't go for a simple walk. His words sputtered off before he managed to shout, "I command you to halt!" I almost laughed. As if I would ever stop for commander Cullen.
"I'm warning you, Lavellan!" He called but I continued to walk on further, I could hear the ring of his sword draw. An obvious bluff, he would never cut me down from behind, if he would dare to cut me at all. If not for his honour then surely Cass or Leliana would have something to say about. A mild rebuke at least. The snow crunched beneath my boots the further away I got, and I let out a cheerful breath when I heard Cullen had given up on his shouting. The sky was beautiful, the stars were beautiful and the splendour of the snowy mountains surrounding me was almost enough to make me forget all that had happened, all that I'd done... almost. But even now, I could feel the heat of an innocent woman's blood om my hands. Even now I could see her terrified eyes. I could still hear the silken voice and I could still remember how Solas looked at me like he had just discovered a diamond. It was enough to drive me mad, but before I could think on it anymore I felt every ounce of strength flood out of me, like it had when we came back through the time vortex. Only this was more raw.
This felt more like my mana had been ripped from me and it almost hurt. Needless to say, I fell to my knees, my hands plunging into the icy snow. My breaths came out in deep struggling puffs of air and I felt as if I'd just been strangled. I realised then, as his quiet prayer floated by my ears, just what had caused this. He had dispelled my mana, he had dared to strip me of my magic and it made me angry. I turned my head back to look and true enough his sword was still plunged into the ground. Three more deep breaths and I felt my power come back to me. I clenched my jaw and turned to look at him. He seemed surprised by my sudden recovery but it past quickly as he raised his sword again and plunged it into the snow. It rattled through me this time, ripping at my mana so much that I grunted out a curse of pain. My knees gave way again but I kept my eye on him. His face going from determined back to that surprised, almost aghast look. I smirked as my magic came back to me quicker this time and I took a step to stand, but again he slammed his sword into snow. This time however, I did not fall. I was awash with exhaustian, but I would not fall three times before commander Cullen.

"Will you not yield?" He said his voice on the precipice of panic. I smirked then and shook my head and declared boldly,

"Never again shall we submit." Before turning around and walking back out into the open night.

"You leave me no choice!" He shouted, but his words floated over me. I was exhausted. Utterly, truly, mentally and physically exhausted. Three days, I'd gone without sleep and his Templar spells weren't doing much to help. I prepared myself for the ensuing wave of agony, but it never came. Instead a voice cried out over the top of the ringing in my ears.

"Enough!" And there was no mistaking who it was. There was never a woman alive who could shout a command like Cassandra Pentaghast. The two of us turned immediately, staring blankly at her as she marched through the thick snow as though it was a field of grass. Nothing it seemed could stand in her way.

"This must stop." she said, her eyes as sharp as the steal of her sword. "We cannot afford to squabble amoungst ourselves. The Herald needs us to be strong, the Inquisition needs us to be strong. In fighting only creates further divisions that we cannot afford." A long silence hung between us as the rest of Haven slept. Only the distant call of a wolf carried over the mountains on an eery breeze. I felt as though that breeze might knock me over. Cullen's blasted spells seen to it that I was now even more exhausted, even more fed up and just sick of this whole situation. Something warm trickled down over my lip, blood, I discovered as I wiped it on the back of my hand. I scoffed then, shot one final glare at Cullen, nodded to Cassandra and limped back silently to Haven. My whole body ached, my eyes blurred and burned with the cold. Even huddling into myself did little to keep away the biting night air. I looked up to tuck a strand of hair from behind my face when he caught my eye. He leaned away from the wall outside his house and looked almost concerned. He nodded to me, seeking confirmation that I was infact still alive. I half smiled and made my way towards him. When I came up the steps, he was holding his door open, an apprehensive frown sitting on his brow. Any other time I might have taken that as a queue to politely decline, but the warmth and firelight of his meagre home was far too inviting to pass up. I crossed the threshold and he followed close behind me, the door closed with a click and so the cold night and wind was shut away and I we were left with a cosy crackling fire and the sweet smell of herbs and poultices and wood. Yes it smelt distinctly like a forest, a scent I found more comforting than anything else. I was suddenly aware then his presense behind me, so I turned and tried to smile. He simply arched his brow.

"You look quite frightful, dhalen." He said smartly and rolled my eyes but laughed all the same. I probably did, too, what with the black bags under my eyes, gaunt face and bleeding nose, I was the picture of health. I told him this, though my voice sounded muddy in my ears, but he smiled regardless.

"Might I be right in guessing that these last days have taken their toll on you." He said quietly, slowly and gently disentangling my bow and pack from my shoulders.

"No more so than anyone else." I yawned, my head falling back as my body was relieved of the weight of that dammed rucksack. I shut my eyes and sighed deeply, imagining that smell of the forest was real.

"Be that as it may, you must rest. I don't believe that you have had a nights rest for five days now. Would my assumption be correct?" He was taking off my outer coat and wrapping my body in a thick blanket instead. Then he sat me down on his bed, dabbed the blood from my nose and handed me a warm mug of something that smelled sweet. That too was familiar. It was night tea, a thick brew of tea and herbs that helped you sleep. Mahanon would make it for me whenever I had night mares. My mother before him... My mother...

A vision of her handing me night tea in a fine silver chalice in a fine marble hall that glittered with starlight and Solas' humble mug slipped from my fingers to spill on the floor. A the little wooden mug circled on itself and the thick tea spread through the cracks of the floor. I remembered the blood on the stone floor. The heat of it spilling over my hand and her fearful eyes. I was awash with guilt then. I tried to clean it up, I tried to apologise but my words came out as mumbling string of 'sorrys'. Firm hands covered my own then, they stilled their shaking and gave them a comforting squeeze. It was only when I looked up and the sob escaped my throat that I realised I was crying.

"I murdered her..." I whispered, my voice thin and small. Solas looked confused then but he leaned in closer as though trying to understand.

"Who, lethallin?" he asked gently.

My body shuddered with the memory, "The serving girl... I thought they were the castle staff... We needed directions so I woke her. But she just kept screaming for the guards to come even when I tried to silence her. If we were discovered we would be dead, the Herald would be Alexius' captive or worse and that horrible future that I saw would come to pass... I had to... But I don't want to have had to." I sobbed. "Mythal's mercy she looked so frightened."

Solas held my hand tighter then, "You did what you had to do. Sometimes in order to protect our world... sacrifices must be made. If there was another way to stop her, I'm sure you would have found it, Nevalla." He said warmly, his hands giving mine one final squeeze. There was a look in his eyes too. Empathy, like he understood. I can't tell you the relief that that look have me.
"People forget the sacrifices that are made in shaping worlds. You did what you had to do. Remember that." His voice was further away then, and his eyes became more distant... A step back from the world. I couldn't help the words that fell thinly from my mouth then.

"What did you do?"