It was a stupid question. An inane question that would have made very little if any sense had Solas not been so out-rightly appalled by my asking it. He was silent at first, then, through tight lips said that I should go to sleep, then he stood and brooded by the fire place until I finally drifted to off. It added to that eery feeling I had in my gut on our first meeting. Solas had some serious skeletons in his closet. That night my dreams disturbed me as well. I felt trapped, terrified, alone and... Empty. Buildings crumbled around me, people wept endlessly and I felt myself going mad. Then my mother's eyes telling me to sleep. To forget. I awoke to the horrible memory of the slavers dragging her off. Those screams would never leave me. Nor would that feeling of utter devastation when I discovered she would never come back. Solas was gone when I awoke. In fact, when I had readied myself enough to peer out into Haven, it seemed plenty of people were gone. Cullen, Cassandra, the herald and most importantly; the mages.

"You're shitting me." I hissed as it dawned on me where they were. Today was the day they would seal the breach, and they had left without me. After all I've bloody done for this blasted Inquisition and they leave me behind?! In fit of fury, I charged towards the stables, jumped onto the first horse I could find and rode like the wind out of the gates and towards the valley.
The cold wind howled in my ears, stung my eyes and cheeks but I hardly noticed it in my anger. How dare they leave me behind, like I had no right to be there. I had every right to be there. I had sacrificed more than any for this cause, Solas knew that and he left without me regardless. And just like that, he was right back in my bad books. I rode that horse as fast as it would go, straight down into the valley where the inquisition soldiers had gathered. I felt my teeth clench painfully together as I stewed in my indignity, but couldn't help also swallowing the lump that had been sitting in my throat. They had overlooked me. More than once now, and I won't lie, it hurt. I had been overlooked for as long as I could remember. Truly, whatever I did someone had always been better. But with the inquisition I thought that perhaps I was finding my feet, that I might feel needed... Apparently not, it would seem.
The hooves of my horse clattered noisily against the still crumbling stones of what was left of the Temple of Sacred Ashes, so I leapt down and sprinted the rest of the way. I heard Cassandra shouting commands, heard soldiers replying as I ran past the shards of red lyrium that blocked my path. I would not be absent for this.

"Focus past the Herald! Let her will draw from you!" I heard Solas call just as I rounded the corner. The mages raised their staffs high and I felt them gather their magic together, building and building until the air hummed with its energy. Then, with the slams of their rods into the ground, that energy gave way like a tidal wave. I could only watch, what else could I have done? Perhaps that's why they left me behind. I was useless.
The power fed into the pinpoint that was the Herald's mark and as it did I could feel it building again. Only this time it was ready to explode. Even from this distance I saw the determination on Trevelyan's face. I saw the fear, the pain but that strength would not subside and I prayed for her not to give up. She shot her hand that now glowed a vibrant green towards the Breach, her teeth clenched tightly together as she did. Still the magic flooded around her awaiting a release. A release that was apparently alluding her. Still she held her arm firm, even as her knees began to give out under the pressure. I couldn't simply stand by and watch her be crippled under the weight of this magic. I ran down towards her but was stopped immediately by many guards. Cassandra called out for me to halt, but Trevelyan had tears in her eyes now. I would not let her die, for die she would. How could she withstand so much power?

"Evelyn!" I shouted to her and her frightened eyes darted to look at me.
"Close it!" I cried out, trying simultaneously to free myself of the guards grip. She shook her head, a tear spilling over the edge of her fearful green eyes. She didn't know how. Finally I managed to struggle through the hoards of the guards even at the behest of Cass. I was at the heralds side in seconds.

"Evelyn, listen to me." I called to her over the noise and rumble of the power gathering above me. It was intoxicating. It felt like the veil no longer existed, that I might morph the world into which ever way I chose it. Like in those memories I saw, magic flowed around me like water, clean and refreshing and so alive. Whosoever memories they were, they were old. Magic had no boundaries there. But this was the here and now. Magic did have boundaries. The veil was torn and it had fallen upon a seventeen year old girl to fix it. I gently squeezed her free hand and held her gaze.

"Can you feel it?" I asked her, softly, even over the noise my voice somehow carried. She gazed at me in awe, a sort of wonder and nodded slowly. "Then let it go." I whispered. She seemed to understand what I meant, swallowing down her fear and glaring up to the breach above her. I saw her jaw clench and her eyes focus until finally, it was released. And then the world stopped. The Herald cried out as the gathering magic exploded from her palm and shot towards the sky. As the magic imploded around and over itself, as the power rushed through me just as the breach was sealed... In that moment I could recall everything. And then it was gone.
As the last of its power thundered across the mountains and the world once again went still, Evelyn's hand slipped from mine and she fell to the ground. My ears hummed and my eyes blurred in shock. It seemed as though I stood there frozen for a lifetime, my mind tripping to catch up to itself. I was on the verge of collapsing myself, when I saw the soldiers coming towards us. I snapped myself back to reality, willing myself to ignore whatever had just happened, to forget it. Something like the whisper of an old dream echoed in my mind then, but nothing more and I couldn't ignore the feeling of emptiness that now sat heavily upon me. It was as if something in me was withdrawn... detached... It was unnerving to say the least.
I finally came out of my head long enough to see Cassandra and Cullen at the Herald's side.

"Maker, Trevelyan, are you alright?" Cullen asked frantically. She simply smiled at him and nodded. It was a strange smile, a smile I doubt she showed to anyone else, but something close to adoration flashed in Cullen's eyes. I watched their exchange, it was close and intimate and I felt entirely like an intruder but I could't help the flutter of my heart when I saw the way he looked at her. Cullen may be a lot of things but he cared and he was honest, and though it might not have been love, there was certainly a deep fondness between the two.
She turned to look at me, whispering a hoarse, "Thank you." as Cullen helped her to her feet.

I somewhat snapped out of my daze to throw her a flippant smile. "No, thank you. You did all the hard work."

She smiled again, even as exhaustion clearly hindered her, she managed to grip my hand tightly, "You helped me... You always help me." she said, all too knowingly and I felt myself blush. Perhaps she knew about my secret missions all along then. Some spy I was.

As Cullen lead her away towards the healers, I noticed the raucous noise of celebration that echoed throughout the valley. It seemed everyone was in high spirits. Soldiers hugged mages, their laughter full of joy and their tears full of relief. I couldn't help but smile at them all, their happiness was infectious. As they began to disband, I was ready to follow them and join them for the inevitable drinking fest that would ensue. I stopped however, when I saw Solas. He stood where he had stood for the entire affair, his hands tightly gripping his staff, and glaring at where the breach had once been.
It was quieter now, the noise following the crowds of people that were heading back to Haven... heading back home. I smiled again at that. Their simple happiness was something I envied. Still, I found myself approaching Solas. His glare might have killed.

"You know, you don't have to keep glaring at it, Trevelyan closed it, it'd gone." I said with a smirk.

His eyes came away then to look somewhere close to me. Not at me, but at least he wasn't glaring.

"Not completely. It is closed yes, but the scar shall remain." he said distantly.

I shifted awkwardly and sighed. Though I was not tired, I really did just want to get back so I could drink. Really, I needed to wash away the whirl pool of thoughts in my mind and only a strong drink would do that.

"Well, standing glaring at it won't help much, even if it does reopen. Now come on, I need a drink." I said casually, making to walk away when I heard him chuckle. It stopped me in my tracks.

"It is not yet midday, Lavellan."

I arched my brow and smirked, "Your point being? Come on Solas, we just shut a hole in the sky, if that doesn't warrant a little day drinking then I don't know what does!"

He smiled at me then, a soft and gentle smile that shone briefly before it gave way to a slight frown.

"You must forgive me for my rudeness, lethallin." his eyes fell to the rocky ground at his feet.

I was somewhat startled by the sudden apology, really after this whole thing I'd quite forgotten about being annoyed at him.

I dismissively shook my head, "Really there's nothing to forgive. I'm just happy to have survived this." I laughed breathlessly as I gestured around me. I met his eyes and with the most genuine smile I could give, said "It's a fleeting thing, these days: Survival I mean. With everything that's happening I could be here one minute and gone the next. Why would I waste such precious time on holding petty grudges?"

He took a step towards me then, a purposeful step filled with... something, but he stopped, his purpose filtering away into a friendly smile. "You're quite strange for a Dalish."

I laughed, "So you've said before."

"Then perhaps there is truth in it." he said, his words heavier than his smile suggested. I didn't know what to say then, his eyes regarded me deeply now and a heavy silence fell between us. I wondered what he was thinking, his eyes were inscrutable but he was definitely thinking of something troubling, his brow was furrowed in that peculiar way of his.
I startled myself then at the fact I was now picking up on his habits so I did what anyone else might do.

"Shall we go get that drink?" I blurted out.

He half smiled, "Another time, lethallin."
And with that, he stalked off and I was left there quite aghast. Still, I tried to practise what I preached and not hold a grudge.

Dread Wolf take me, I really needed that drink.