A/N: Welcome back! This chapter is a filler chapter and Willow is kinda bitchy for lack of a better word, so sorry about that! She's been feeling really segregated from the other and it's starting to get to her. But there is a cute scene (in my opinion) with her squad that I hope you all enjoy! Get ready because in the next few chapters shit is going to hit the fan!
As always, please review and thank you for reading!
Chapter 12
"Willow, we need to speak," Commander Erwin says sternly to her as she hands over the horse to Dita, not staying long enough for him to notice the horse she returns with is not hers and inquire what happened with hers.
Willow sighs heavily, knowing that he will not sojourn this inquest until they speak, so she follows him into his office where Section Commander Miche and Captains Malik and Derrek meet them. Erwin closes the door, and everyone takes their respective spots within Erwin's office, with Willow front and center.
Willow cracks her neck while Erwin takes his seat in the room, he asks her to sit, and she does not. With a heavy sigh, he begins, "Willow, I understand your frustration with me—"
"That you do not respect the medic's assessment of my healing timeline? Or that you view me more as a weapon against the Titans, eager to throw me in front of them, more than a human girl who's afraid of being killed out there?"
Erwin takes in a deep breath, seeing this will not be easy to talk through. "We are in a war, Willow. And in war, sacrifices are made to elevate us towards victory."
"Sacrifices?" Willow releases with a humorless scoff. "When was the last time you sacrificed anything?"
"Willow," Malik warns in a dark tone and she cuts him off before he can say more.
"No, Malik!" she presses, "I will not be silenced like this," she stands firm, turning to Erwin, "You are so eager to speak of sacrifice and pushing towards a greater future, no matter what the cost, but at what expense is it costing us? Scout lives!" she answers for him. "Lives that you have no right to sacrifice!" she says in a rising voice. "You want to go out there, strap on some ODM gear and get on the back of an Abnormal, then be my guest! Sacrifice yourself for the greater good all you want. But don't you dare sit at this desk and tell me that I need to go out there and sacrifice my life for your vision of the future," she says as her voice carries in the room.
"You chose to join the Scouts—"
"I chose to join a team!" she calls out over him. "You sold me this crock of shit story about being part of a collective group of people working together to elevate us towards a life without the Titan threat! Instead, since the first day I arrived, I was segregated from the other Cadets, rushed into training, pushed onto the field before I was properly cleared and shoved onto the back of a Titan for the sake of a good show," she says with wide angry eyes. "You baited and switched me," she says betrayed by him. "You knowingly throw us onto a Titan infested field where everyone—including my Captains—expect me to leave a dying Cadet because you deemed them incompetent to stand against the Titan threat," she turns her attention to Malik, "Sending Abnormals at me to test my limits with no regard to my safety or my life."
"You are a soldier, and I am your Commander!" Erwin calls out sternly, "It is a simple as that, if I tell you to go out there for a show, you comply."
"I have always done as you have Commanded, but you also have Hal, or Levi, or Hange, or I don't give a shit who else, but I am not your only option!" she calls out firmly. "I am not your savior, and I am not your weapon! You want me to kill Titans by controlling them, I will do that, but don't rely solely on me to do so."
"You have the greatest grasp—"
"That is not my problem," Willow says sternly before he can finish.
"Erwin if I may?" Section Commander Miche states seeing their argument going nowhere and Erwin flicks his wrist to allow him to proceed. "It is all of our war, Willow," he begins. "We are all fighting against the Titans." Willow opens her mouth to retaliate but he lifts his hand, "Allow me to finish," he says respectfully, and Willow closes her mouth with an exasperated sigh. "We were hopeless the day Wall Maria fell," he tells her. "The Scouts were far from the battle, and we failed to see the attack and protect the people as we were intended to. Since that day—and even before—the citizens questioned the Scouts and their ability to protect the people," he says in a sorrowful tone. "Hundreds of Thousands died that day, and amidst all that hopelessness and desperation, we found a glimmer of light when Commander Pyxis told us of a girl who latched onto the back of a Titan and trampled two others with what appeared to be effortless precision."
Willow looks away from the Section Commander, feeling her eyes water as he reminds her of the day's events.
"And since then, we have collected a test subject to gather further information in understanding these beasts. We have obtained more funding for the Survey Corps than we ever have. We had the largest incoming numbers of Cadets from the Training Corps since our creation. And that has to do with your hard work and your sacrifice for the Scouts. We do not take that lightly."
"Willow," Commander Erwin begins carefully. "My approach in this has been far from considering your own personal needs, as I have been blinded by the idea that you are going to elevate us against the Titan threat, because you have done so much alone, and far more than the Scouts have done. And I understand that I put that burden on you, but you are the best option we have," Erwin says in a stern tone, emphasizing her worth in his eyes, "and I don't know what else to do."
Willow hangs her head, ego battered and bruised at the idea that she cannot fight him on this, knowing he is right, and knowing that the people within those walls need some kind of hope to cling onto. She thinks about her sister's children. She remembers how they valued the Scouts and their sacrifices to keeping the walls safe from the Titan threat. All those children scattered in the crowds of angry adults wide eyed and hopeful at the soldiers that paraded before them; their childlike wonder always made her believe that the Scouts were an unshakable force. Not realizing until she arrived that she was wrong. Her mind wonders on the little girl from the village and the look of happiness in her eyes when Willow returned her wave, and how that simple gesture meant so much to the little girl, knowing Willow was there to protect her.
Her eyes move up to Erwin who watches her carefully, with anticipating eyes. She thinks about the children who are relying on the Scouts, and the children that hope to one day join the forces and assist against the Titan threat. She does not want them to come in with the same disillusionment that she now feels. She shuts her eyes and exhales with a single nod. "I ask you to give me my allotted time to recover," she tells him sternly, opening her eyes and looking into his to convey the importance of this. "After that, I will do as you command," she looks up at him with fierce eyes. "But I need time to heal."
Erwin nods once, accepting her terms and Willow does the same. Frowning at the idea that she will be back on the field in four weeks.
A few hours pass and Willow sits at a dinner table alone, eating her food before the Cadets come in and she needs to serve them. She dips her loaf of bread into the tomato-based soup, swishing it to gather the flavors of the soup as she places the loaf into her mouth, chewing softly.
She hears a door opening and she keeps her eyes on the soup, not caring to know who bothers her moment of silence as she continues to eat. The intruder sits across from her, grabbing a bowl and spooning the soup into their mouth. She finally gives in and looks up to see that it is Captain Levi.
"Captain," she says respectfully, bringing her eyes back down to her food.
"You did good out there," he tells her, and she keeps her eyes on her food. "Hange is more than excited to be picking and prodding at that thing."
"God speed," Willow grunts, wishing the mad scientist success in dissecting the Titans.
"Your comment about the Commander…" Levi lingers on the words and Willow looks up from her food to his grey lidded eyes. "I felt the same once," Willow's brows raise at the comment, having always seen Levi as a blind follower of Erwin's like Malik. Levi chuckles, "I tried to kill him once," he shrugs, "It was all over a misunderstanding for lack of a better word, but I tried nonetheless."
"I am not going to kill the Commander if that's why you're telling me this," Willow says unsure as to what Levi's motives are for disclosing this information.
Levi smirks at her comment and she watches him carefully, waiting for him to divulge his motives. "I don't expect you'd get close to it. There are a lot of people willing to lay down their life for the Commander." Willow shakes her head, knowing she will never be one of them. Levi reads this and says, "The Scouts have elevated themselves to a respectable position within the Regiments since the Commander took over," he informs her. "With the lowest Scout deaths per expedition since its establishment."
"You are ruining my dinner," Willow presses, looking from her bowl. "I just want to enjoy my food, and I would rather not hear about your blind devotion to the Commander."
"You don't need to agree with him. I often don't," Levi tells her with an indifferent tone. "But you have to respect his command. Because in the end, he is your commanding officer and he is never wrong."
"Yes, Sir," Willow sighs in an unconvincing tone.
The room begins erupting in voices as the Cadets come in for their food. Willow takes her bowl and lifts herself from the table, moving to the kitchen to prepare serving. Levi watches her carefully, hoping his words sink in and she gives the Commander less grief on his decisions.
Willow places herself behind the stew as Cadets roll in for their meal. Oruo practically drools as Willow spoons the contents into his bowl, and Willow cannot help but smile at him. She speaks a moment with the young Ben while she serves him, who has developed a patchy beard that she does not have the heart to tell him looks terrible.
Down the line, Willow sees Leo who watches her with wide incredulous eyes. When he is in front of her, his hands shake as he holds the bowl before her. She takes a moment to serve him, waiting for the bowl to stabilize before she pours the contents. He cannot steady his hands and Willow takes the bowl from him, feeling just how cold his hands are.
"Are you alright, Cadet?" she asks him, seeing the look in his eyes and recognizing it immediately.
"My friends…" he whimpers and Willow frowns, noticing the kids he spoke with are not in line with him, and must have been among the casualties today.
Willow swallows hard, she pours him the bowl and steps away from the kitchen. She walks with him and tells him to follow her. He does so with blind compliance as she leads him to her table to sit down. His eyes widen when she motions him to sit with the rest of Malik Squad. He is hesitant, until Laura scoots over and gives him room to sit next to her.
He tentatively sits down, brows pressed together. Hal watches Willow and she nods at him to accept the boy at their table. "I don't understand," he says with upturned brows as she places his bowl of soup in front of him. "What I said to you…" he lingers trying to understand why Willow would offer him such a kindness after his nasty words towards her.
"Don't worry, you fit in," she says with a shrug, "Hal called me a 'skinny little bitch' when we first met, and Colin resents me for being Squad Lead over him," she says and Colin rolls his eyes. "And Laura…"
Willow looks over at the Elite and she shrugs her shoulders, "Eh, I'm indifferent."
"See," she says bringing her attention back to Leo. "No one really likes anyone around here," she says lightheartedly with a smile on her lips.
"Oh," Leo breathes looking down at his food, eyes still shocked from the visions of his friends trampled before him.
"It gets easier, Kid." Hal says, seeing the look on the boy's face and Willow looks away, keeping her face from showing that it is not true, but knowing the boy needs to hear it.
"You were amazing," Leo erupts looking up at Hal's blue eyes. "The way you and Captain Levi took out those Abnormals without hesitation," he says with widening eyes. "And the Titan Killer!" he shoots his attention to Willow, "I thought you were a goner when that Titan smacked you off your horse! But you got up and you took it over like it was nothing!"
His enthusiasm is not received with the Elites and it is something that Willow has noticed with the veteran soldiers after returning from an expedition. No one likes to speak about what had just transpired or reminisce about the battle, regardless of how well they performed or how much they would like to boast about their achievements. Often, conversations with those who returned never discussed the fallen or the terror.
"Don't worry, Kid," Colin begins, "You will have your fair share of moments to show us what you're made of," he says with a sideways smile.
"I want to be on Malik Squad," he announces with a smile on his face. "You guys are the greatest soldiers the Scouts have!"
"We'd love to have you," Laura says with a soft smile.
Members of Derrek Squad sit down next to the rest of Malik Squad. To their surprise, Malik and Derrek themselves join the group for dinner. "Well, if it is not our fearless leaders," Hal jests with a snide tone that Malik chuckles at.
Malik sits down next to Hal while Derrek sits across from him near his Lead, Mario. "Deal me in," Malik commands Colin, seeing the Elite pulling out his cards and shuffling them.
Colin nods as he begins dealing out the deck, playing with Hal as well. Willow watches carefully as the three of them play, pulling out their coins and betting with every move. She has never been one for gambling as the rest of her team regularly is, but one thing she knows for certain; Malik has never been beat.
Willow tries to keep up as their hands move with untraceable speed over the deck on the table. They are playing with a Hanafuda deck, with a game that Willow is not great at, having had Hal teach her multiple times, only to lose or confuse the points each time. Instead, she enjoys watching, more specifically watching Malik destroy Hal or Colin.
Knowing they will lose; Hal and Colin don't seem to put in as much money to the pot as they are known for. Nonetheless, they still gamble enough to be interesting. Willow tries to recall the points system with this game, trying to correlate the pictures of the cards with the points of the game. She instead moves her gaze to Malik who smiles slightly, and then to Hal who has a clear look of dissatisfaction plastered on his face, giving away the tell that he is losing.
Despite gambling often, Hal doesn't like to lose, and when he does, she's noticed that he deals himself out before he can create anymore debts for himself. Colin on the other hand has trouble deciding when to be finished, and is notorious for owing his fellow Scouts money. She even remembers a time that Mario refused to save him from a dicey situation with a Titan because he owed the Lead too much money.
Malik smiles triumphantly as the final card hits the table, snatching it up with its pair that stayed in his hand and victoriously announcing, "Stop!" His voice booms over the table and pulls Willow from her thoughts. Hal and Colin groan as they throw their deck on the table while the Captain proudly grabs for the pot that seemed to grow a bit since she zoned out.
"Now if only Malik was as good with women as he was with cards," Derrek jests, pulling the Captain down from his victorious high, "he might actually have a wife by now."
Malik chuckles at this as his lips turn upwards into a smile, "I think I am very well versed in both, Derrek."
"That's not how Nanaba sees it from what I've heard," he presses, and Malik shoots him a scoff. "Last I remember, she refused to be seen anywhere near you."
"Couldn't handle me, the way I remember it," Malik says with a wide smile that reaches his eyes.
"Is that what happened?" Derrek endures and Malik warns him with his eyes not to continue, "Because from what Hal and I heard during your fight, you were a 'self-centered piece of shit who's in love with his own reflection'."
"You don't know what you're talking about," Malik shakes his head as he begins shuffling the deck.
"Hell, the whole base heard you two," Derrek laughs with his wild smile taking over his face as he continues to push Malik's buttons. "Don't worry, Malik. Hal and I will always love you," he tells him, caressing his face from across the table.
Malik puckers his lips at Derrek and he laughs with a roar that shakes the whole table. Willow cannot help but smile at the two, realizing that the years together have really brought them close, and no one would dare speak to Malik the way that Derrek can speak to him.
"How long have you two been in the Corps?" Leo asks the two of them as they begin a new game that Hal ops out of in favor of Derrek's entrance.
"Seven years," Malik states as he distributes the cards.
"That doesn't seem like a long time to be in the Scouts," he says, and no one wants to be the one to tell him that the Scouts don't have a long tenure. Leo reads this and changes the subject, "Did you two start together?"
Derrek nods as he fingers through his cards, "Malik and I were in the same Training Corps," he begins. "We both joined Miche Squad as Elites. We were there for less than year until we became Captains of our own. Well, actually, until Malik was banned from the team for shitting where he eats," Derrek smiles wildly, referring to sleeping with Nanaba no doubt, and causing issues in their working relationship.
"Nanaba and I are like rain and sunshine," Malik begins, "Sometimes you see the two together, but it does not last long, and it doesn't make much sense."
"You're so poetic," Hal chuckles, "Maybe she will take you back with such profound words." Malik jabs Hal in the ribs and the Lead grunts with a satisfied smile on his face.
"Then sweet little Hal here joined the Scouts our first year as Captains," Malik begins, slapping Hal playfully in the face. "I knew he was meant to be on my Squad when he didn't piss or cry at the first sight of a Titan."
Hal releases a sideways smirk and Willow smiles at their dynamic, knowing that with how often she and Malik argue, they will never have the same relationship but hopes for something less toxic as the years go by.
"You have a large team," Leo notices, seeing all the Scouts under Derrek compared to Malik or even Levi and Hange.
"Eight amazing men and women that I trust and value," Derrek says with a wide and warm smile. "My Squad Leaders, Mario and Nicole," he says introducing the team to Leo. "Alena* and Oscar* joined quickly after them," he says pointing at the small brunette girl, and the stocky male. "Kenna* was next, with two others who have unfortunately passed," Derrek mentions quickly and Willow wonders if Vanessa was one of them. "Most recently, James, Ben, and Gunther joined the team." Derrek looks around for Gunther who sits with Levi Squad, and he points him out for Leo.
Leo's eyes look at Ben who is no older than himself, making him feel confident that he will be able to join the Elites if Ben was able to.
"So, why so many on the team?" Leo asks looking at how many people he has on his team. "Or why do you have so little on your team?" he asks looking at Malik.
"Well, I only pick the best," Malik says placing down his card and Derrek scoffs at him. "That's why I've never had a death in my squad," Malik shrugs and Derrek shakes his head while Willow winces at the offhanded comment.
Derrek shrugs at the question, never really thinking about an answer for a question like that. He looks from his cards and thinks of the perfect answer to the inquisition. "I like being around people," he shrugs saying simply. "I grew up with five brothers and three sisters. I have always been around people; I find solitude to be draining, and the surroundings of others to be uplifting." Willow thinks about the constant eight squad members within his team, and wonders if each squad member represents his brothers and sisters, and she questions where they all must be now.
"I win again," Malik says with a smile that reaches his eyes as he takes the pot from Derrek and Colin.
Colin groans as he realizes he has nothing left to play with. "Again?" he groans.
"Guess I'm just a lucky guy," he shrugs with a smirk plastered on his face.