Here's chapter 43, enjoy and don't forget to review please as it helps me know where im going wrong and right :) sorry for the long wait guys, I hope the length of this chapter makes up for it. Let me know what you all think x :)

Bella's POV

The last few days had been much better. Pain wise i was feeling so much better and getting to spend time with Edward and the others made everything else so much better. Edward really had been a star and i wouldn't of been able to handle the last few days without him. He had finally settled down and wasn't worrying about me too much which i was grateful for, he was always there for me but he had started to believe me when i told him i was really okay and that i would be okay. The whole family had been there for me, for whatever i needed and i would always be grateful for them.

We hadn't yet heard anything from the police but knowing that charlie was locked away and couldn't hurt me no more helped a lot with the healing process. Over the years, I never thought that I would be able to get over things but I was slowly starting to move forward with my life. I was even excited about going back to school which i definitely didn't think I would ever be. That school was still filled with people that hated me and caused me a lot of added pain over the years but I hope that in time that things would settle down there as well. I still don't understand where I got the courage to stand up for myself like I did in that cafeteria but i was happy that i did. It may not of been the smartest idea i've ever had and i know that amy and the others would found someway to cause me pain but I knew edward and the others would do there best to stop anyone from hurting me ever again.

I didn't have to worry about that for a while anyway as I couldn't go back to school for at least another week yet as I still wasn't healed and was still finding it very difficult to walk without aid. Every step hurt like hell but it was slowly starting to get much better. Me and Edward had talked some more about me talking to jasper and we have decided that I would try it later this afternoon. The rest of the family were going hunting and we would have the house to ourselves for a few hours which was good. As much as I loved Edward, I didn't want to worry about saying the wrong thing and upsetting him. I see the pain in his eyes when I talk about what happened and as much as he assures me that he is fine, I don't want him to have to suffer because of me.

Today weather wise was for a change quite sunny and me and Edward were sitting in esmes gorgeous garden with the sun shining down on us. I was so amazed when Edwards skin started to sparkle. I didn't think he could get any hotter but he looks absolutely gorgeous. I know that's a weird way to describe a guy but Edward truly was gorgeous. I couldn't even begin to measure up to him. Even though he keeps calling me beautiful, I don't believe it. If I was beautiful then why would I of spent my life being called ugly and worthless. I know I had a lot to work with to move on with my life but I couldn't seem to get those words out of my head. I would love to know what the person who made that saying 'sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me'. Its a load of crap. Don't get me the wrong the physical abuse was bad but its the emotional side that hurts alot more now.

'You okay love?' Edward asks me pulling me from my thoughts. I look up at him and see love and concern in his eyes.

'Yeah I'm okay just thinking' I told him snuggling into his arms. I was sat curled up on his lap with my head resting on his chest. It had become my favourite position lately. There wasn't anything I loved more than being in his arms. I felt safe knowing that he would never let anyone hurt me. I know he still blames himself for Charlie kidnapping me but there really wasn't anything he could of done without endangering himself and his family. At the end of the day we were all safe now and that's all that matters.

'You know you can always talk to me love' he say placing a kiss to my forehead sending my heart into frenzy as always. He always has that effect on me, a simple touch would send fireworks throughout my body.

'Do you think it will get better?' I asked him looking up at him again. I wanted to believe that everything would be okay and that I would one day feel normal again. At the minute I felt like the world was completely against me and I didn't want to feel like this for the rest of my life. I needed to know that things would get easier.

'In my opinion things will get better love. Its just going to take time, what you have been through is alot to cope with and I know right now its hard but I promise I will be here for you every step of the way and I promise to never leave your side. You mean the world to me Bella and I promise I will spend the rest of eternity making sure you get everything you could ever wish for. I love you Bella and I will protect you' he told me wiping away my tears that I hadn't even realised had started falling. I hope that what he said was true. When he said that he would would be here for me every step of the way I know he was telling the truth because he had been already. I really don't know what I would of done without him by my side. He really had been my rock and I loved him beyond anything I ever thought possible. Never have I felt a love as strong as Edwards.

'I don't know how to do this Edward. My thoughts are all over, one minute I'm fine next minute I feel like the world is the worst place to be. I just want to be normal and have the ability to live a happy normal life with the people I love instead of this. I love you Edward but you deserve so much better than this. You deserve someone who can give you the life you deserve, someone who doesn't constantly have flashbacks of what happened to her, someone who is beautiful, someone who deserves your love!' I ended up shouting. I dont know where the sudden emotion came from but everything I said was how I really feel. He deserves so much better than me. I try to get away from him but he just holds me and stops me from moving and even though this should frighten me but it doesn't. I sink back into his arms and refuse to meet his eyes.

'Look at me Bella' he demands and lifts my chin up so that I meet his eyes. 'It is completely normal for you to be feeling the way you are but it will get better. You wont get over what you father did to you overnight and I think you need to stop being so hard on yourself. So what if you have moments where you feel like the world is against you, its completely normal and if you were happy all the time after everything you have been through then I would be more worried than I already am. However you are so wrong about me deserving better because i don't want better because there isn't anyone I want apart from you Bella! Its me who doesn't deserve such a beautiful brave girl! Don't ever doubt my feelings for you love, I love you with all my heart and that will never change! And I will do everything I can to prove that to you' He said and cupped my face into his hands. By the time he finished, I had tears pouring down my face. He really did love me and I know what he said is probably true but I just wish it would all just go away. I'm sick and tired of it all, I just want it to end. I want to be happy and not have to deal with any of this. I hope that talking to jasper would really help.

'Im sorry, I never doubted your love for me. I just think that you deserve someone much better but it doesn't stop how I feel about you. I do love you more than I ever thought possible and I don't ever want to leave you, its just hard' I told him hoping he would understand where I'm coming from.

'Bella I understand but I don't want anyone else and I have never felt the way I do about you for anyone else and you are everything I want. I cant even imagine how hard it is to be give your heart to someone when you have been hurt by someone that I know you loved. But I promise I would never hurt you ever' he says. I never looked at it that but I supposed what he said made sense. I was scared not that he would hurt me but of trusting someone when I had been hurt by the last person I had left in the world after my mum died. I think that's why it hurt so much knowing that if the Cullen's hadn't saved me then I would never of been free from him because I truly had no one else there for me. Meeting Alice that day had not only given me a life long friend and sister but also saved my life. I was more than thankful that they had decided to come to forks that day. I dread to think what my life would be like if they hadn't. I doubted very much that I would still be here.

'I know you would never hurt me Edward but your right in a way, I am scared. I'm scared of trusting someone again after what the man that I trusted with my life did to me. He was supposed to be there for me and protect me but he didn't. He turned into someone I didn't recognise and I lost my dad. I cant lose anyone else Edward, it hurts too much' I admitted. I knew for a fact that Edward would never hurt me and my fears were stupid but what were you to think after being betrayed the way I had been. One thing I was absolutely sure about was my feelings for Edward and they would never change. I fall in love with him a little more everyday and when I think he can't get any more perfect he always does.

'I understand Bella. Of course I don't know personally how you must feel after what you have been through but I can imagine that this is all very new to you and you need to get used to it and you will in time learn to trust. I know that you will and you can take all the time you want, I always be here Bella' he told me before giving me a sweet kiss.

'I know, thank you Edward. I love you' I told him snuggling back into his chest. He really was the most understanding person I know.

'I love you too Bella' he said.

To say I was nervous was an understatement, I could feel my heart going ten to a dozen and I could tell edward was worried and having second thoughts about going hunting but I know he needed to and i needed to do this on my own. My first session with Jasper. The others were just about to leave to go hunting so we could have privacy to talk which I was grateful about but the idea of Edward leaving me even for a short time made me want to cry. I had really become reliant on him. I felt like there was a missing piece missing from my heart when he wasn't with me and I hated the feeling.

'Are you sure your ready for this Bella, we can reschedule if you want' he asked me whilst holding me in his arms. I wanted nothing more than to say no and to reschedule but I needed this and If I wanted to move on with my life then I needed to get better and I couldn't just keep putting it off.

'Yes I'll be fine Edward, I need to do this. I can't keep running away from things, I want to move on and I can't without this' I told him looking him in his eyes. I could see concern in his eyes still but it slowly morphed into happiness and love that I loved seeing. There was nothing I liked more than to see Edward smile and be happy. I didn't want everything to always be gloomy. I wanted us to be happy.

'Okay love but if it gets too much for you then please tell jasper and if you need me then ill be close by. All you have to do is pick up the phone and ring me and ill be here as fast as I can' He told me. I had to smile at that, no matter what he always knew how to make me feel better and knowing he wouldn't be far if I needed him helped alot.

'I will don't worry. I'll miss you' I told him.

'I'll miss you too love, ill be back before you know it. I love you Bella' he told me before placing a kiss on my forehead. I told him I loved him too and he give me another kiss before leaving the house with the others apart from jasper that was sat waiting on the couch for me. I took a deep breath and slowly made my way over to the couch. Walking still hurt and I couldn't move too fast. I sat down and took a few minutes to compose myself before looking up at jasper who had a friendly look on his face. My hands were shaking and I was really nervous. I don't know how these things worked and that scares me. Jasper sensing my nervousness got up from his seat and knelt down in front of me.

'Bella, calm down. You don't need to be nervous or scared everything will be okay. I want these sessions to be about you having somewhere you can anything you want off your chest and I promise anything you say will remain confidential' he explains. I relaxed slightly at his words. I nodded and relaxed and he got up and returned to his seat.

'Bella I know this might be hard for you to do but I want you to do something for me and I think it will really help this work better, okay. I want you to forget that you know me and pretend that I'm a stranger. I think this will help you open up to me better, does that sound okay?' He asked me. I liked the sound of the idea but it is harder than it sounds. How can you pretend someone that is particularly your brother is a stranger. I would give it a shot through because I trusted he knew what he was going on about and it would help abit.

'Yeah that sounds okay, might be a little hard to do at first through' I told him which he nodded at clearly understanding why.

'I can understand that Bella, I'm not going to push you. Just take your time and I promise as time goes on it will become easier to talk to me' he says which I nod at. I hoped he was right although I don't think I will ever be okay with talking about what had happened over the years.

'Okay well to start off, can you tell me a little about what your childhood was like before you lost your mum? And please remember if you need to stop or take a break then we can okay' he said. I nodded at him that I understand.

'Okay well from as far back as I can remember, I had everything I could ever need. My parents looked after me well and made sure I had everything I ever wanted. My mum was like my best friend, she was always there for me if I needed her. She really was the best mum a girl could ask for. We were so close and we did everything together. Charlie worked alot but i can always remember when he took the weekends off so he could spend time with us. He was the type of father that loved his family very much and I remember he used to make sure we were happy. He took me to the park alot and we did all sorts together. I was a very happy child that loved her parents very much. I had friends at school that cared about me and I cared alot about them too then everything changed when I lost my mum' I explained trying to hold back the tears. I think that was what hurt the worse about all this, I once had a happy life and my dad was kind to me. I would never of guessed that he was an absolute monster. nobody could ever think that their father would turn the way my dad did.

'When did you find out that your mum was sick?' he asked me.

'I think I was about eight when we found out that she had the cancer, so about two years before she died' I answered him.

'What was dad like when he found out?' Jasper asked me.

'Well he was obviously devasted but he was still the caring father he was before she got sick. He would always make sure that my mum was okay and had everything she needed. He still took us out on days out when he could' I explained. I still remember clear as day, the day we found out and how much pain I could see that it caused my dad at the thought of losing his wife but he never turned into the monster he is now until after she died. I guess you could say that it hadn't quite sunk in for him that he was going to lose his wife until it happened. I still couldn't believe that she had gone, all of it still seemed a nightmare even after everything that had happened. I missed her more and more everyday and it got harder and harder to deal with. I've never even got the chance to go visit her grave in all the years since her death.

'How did you feel when you found out about your mother's illness?' Jasper asked me pulling me out of my thoughts. I wanted to be really sarcastic and say what a stupid question but i knew i needed to answer his questions if this was going to work.

'I was only young, I guess at the time when we found out I didn't understand what was going on but when she started to get really sick, It was the worst thing to ever happen to me in my life. It was hard to believe that I was about to lose the person I cared about the most. I was heartbroken, I didn't know what to feel' I told him failing to hold back the tears. Jasper got up and using his vampire speed was back in a few minutes with a box of tissues which i took and thanked him.

'I can't imagine what that felt like Bella. Losing someone you love is the worst thing anybody could go through but I want you to know your mum will always be here with you and I bet she is so proud of you. After everything you have been through, you are so strong' Jasper said which filled my heart with both pain and love. He was right losing someone no matter who they are is the worst feeling ever and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I wanted so much to believe what he was saying was true but I found it really hard, I wanted her to be proud of me and I hope she is. Everyone keeps saying how strong i am to go through everything i have but i feel far from strong right now. I know I will get better but I just don't even know where someone would begin to get over something this extreme. I know I could do, atleast i hoped i could. It would just take a lot of love from edward which I know he will give.

'I don't feel strong through, everyone keeps saying that to me but inside I feel so lost and I have no idea what im supposed to be feeling or what im supposed to do' I admitted.

'Bella, it's okay to be feeling like that. It's completely normal, nobody is expecting you to be fine. You just have to realise that you have people who care alot about you and want to be here for you and with time things will get better. Your doing so well so far and I know it doesnt feel like it but things will get better' Jasper said sending me calming waves mixed with proudness. He was proud of me? They really do all care about me.

'I hope they do' I say.

'They will. Now are you okay to talk somemore or do you want to leave it for today?' He asked me.

'I'm okay for now' I told him.

'Okay, only if you're sure. I have a few more things and then we will leave it for today, okay?' He said and I nodded.

'Please remember if it gets too much for you just say and we'll stop. After your mother died, what was your father like?' He asked me.

'Well when she first died, I could tell he was absolutely devasted. He spent days crying and I cried with him. He was heartbroken, he had the lost his wife and I don't think he knew how to deal with it. We helped each other at first and for the first week after her death we spent a lot of time together making sure each other were okay and we prepared for her furneral and that was the hardest day of my life but we got through it together. About two weeks after her funeral, he went back to work and that's when things started to change. He threw himself into work and then when he came home he started drinking. That's when he started snapping at me for the stupidest things. He was always shouting at me and we were arguing all the time. He would say stuff and at the time I thought he didn't mean it and was just struggling with losing my mum but it just got worse. He was constantly telling me it was my fault and that I caused him more pain and stress, it hurt alot to hear that coming from him. I didn't know what to do. I hated that we were constantly arguing, it was not something I needed to deal with after losing my mum. It got to the point where he was always shouting at me and then he just snapped one day when he came home and hit me. It was all my fault' I explained. I would never forget that first time he hit me, it will forever haunt me. I guess I was still in shock that he actuallly hit me. I definitely didn't see it coming even after after the shouting and arguing we were doing.

'It's a quite common reaction for a person to do something to keep themselves busy to keep their mind off stuff but he shouldn't of took his anger out on you Bella, no matter what he was going through. It wasn't just him that lost someone. None of this is your fault and it never will be. Can you tell me what happened that day when he snapped and hit you?' Jasper asked me.

'I was in the kitchen making dinner when the front door slammed open really loud. I jumped out of my skin, It shocked me. When I looked into the living room, Charlie came barging through and he had a look of pure rage on his face. I had never seen him so angry before and it really scared me. My father before that rarely lost his temper. He came barging into the kitchen and by this time I was shaking. I don't know why I felt so scared, I just knew I needed to get out there. He came right up to me and screamed at me to get to my room and he called me a stupid bitch. I just froze, I couldn't believe it. I guess I still don't. I had never heard him speak to me like that, sure he had shouted alot but he had never called me a bitch. I was frozen to the spot but when he came closer to me I knew i needed to get out before something happened. I tried to leave the kitchen but as I went past him he grabbed hold of my arm and squeezed really hard. It hurt like hell and I tried to beg him to stop but he wouldn't. That's when i smelt the alcohol on his breath, he could barely stand without staggering. I begged him to stop but he just squeezed harder..' I stopped to take a breathe before continuing. 'It was beginning to become really hard not to scream, it hurt that much and then before I knew it he pushed me into the kitchen counter. Pain shot through my back and I cried out which made him mad and he pushed me into it again and then he said the words that hurt more than anything. He told me I was a waste of space and that I should of died instead of my mother. It felt like someone had ripped my heart out. That's when I realised that I had not only lost my mum but I had now lost my dad. I pushed him away from me and ran to my room and cried all night till i fell asleep' I told him a bit breathless and crying at the end of it.

'Thank you Bella, i think we should leave it for today.' Jasper said smiling kindly at me. I breathed out a sigh of relief and suddenly felt really tired. It had clearly took a lot out of me and now that it was over for the day all I wanted was to climb into bed and go to sleep.

'Thank you Jasper. For doing this for me, it means alot to me' I told him honestly. The fact that he was willing to help me through this felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders knowing that I had someone to talk things through with and to be there for me. Don't get me wrong I know I had Edward but sometimes it felt good to talk to someone other than him about all of this without worrying that I would upset him or say the wrong thing.

'Your welcome Bella. You look knackered, Edward wont be back for a while yet why don't you go lay down and get some rest and by the time you awake up he will be by your side waiting for you' jasper suggested and it was the best idea I had heard all day. I nodded and got to my feet carefully and walked towards the stairs. This is where I'm a little stuck, I didn't have much strength and I don't think I could make it up the stairs on my own. Until now Edward had always carried me. He obviously couldn't do that now. I stood looking like a idiot looking at the stairs trying to work out how I was going to do when jasper came up behind me and spoke.

'Do you need some help getting upstairs? I don't mind carrying you' he asked me kindly.

'Yes please if your sure you don't mind' I told him blushing bright red. I had no other choice, there was no way I was making it up those stairs on my own.

'Of course I don't Bella, I'm not going to leave my little sister to try and get up the stairs on her own when she is still recovering' he said before carefully lifting me into his arms. He carried me into mine and Edwards room and placed me on my feet by the door. I thanked him and he left after telling me to shout if I needed before disappearing back down the stairs. I opened the door to our bedroom and made my way to the bathroom where I did my business before washing my hands and making my way towards the bed. I climbed in and snuggled into the blankets which smelt alot like Edward. I missed him already and he had only been gone a few hours. I couldn't wait for him to come so I could feel his arms wrapped around me. I pictured his beautiful face and that's what I fell asleep to.

Thank you for reading, vote and comment please! Again I'm really sorry for the long wait but it shouldn't be too long between updates now :) xx hope you all enjoy this chapter