Chapter 14

Erwin explains the Long Distance Scouting Formation mission they are to complete for Willow's first mission back since her injury and she finds herself unable to focus with her attention fixated on the sensation she felt in the woods the day before. She remembers the feeling of being watched, but more concerning, she thinks about the two red beams staring back at her from the darkness within the tree line. She wonders if she imagined the whole thing, but it does not explain Levi's response to the same sensation.

Hal hands Willow the paper with her positioning on it, and she does not take it from him, eyes fixated on the ground as she contemplates what could have been staring back at her and make her feel so overcome with a foreboding feeling.

"You okay?" Hal whispers when she does not take the paper, seeing the wild look in her eyes.

"Sorry," she returns, taking the paper and laying her eyes on it, but not taking in its information.

Her mind feverishly fixates on the irresistible force that was beckoning her towards the singular purpose of reaching those hypnotic red beams. She hungrily craves to return to the woods and uncover what was calling her towards the tree line with such an enticing strength. She swallows hard and hands the paper over to her right, unable to even recall what was on it.

She thinks about Levi and the look in his eyes, knowing the powerful force was calling him as well. Her eyes glance over to him, wondering if his mind is as entranced by the pull as much as hers is. She contemplates asking him to join her once more in the woods, curious if he is as tempted to learn of what was drawing them into the woods as eagerly as she is.

"I hope you all understand the importance of this mission," Erwin begins with a clear tone. "With this mission, we believe this will allow us to retake Wall Maria."

They are dismissed and Willow cannot even pretend to recall on anything that was said to her in that room, completely overcome by the lights that she did not hear a word spoken to them. She grows anxious at the idea, but figures the mission will be the same as any; she will follow Malik Squad until they reach Titans, and then she will control and kill as she is expected to do. She does not need Erwin to tell her that.

The day is a blur for Willow and all she can think about is the pull towards the woods that overtook her body. She tries to shake the feeling out of her head, but every nerve in her body burst in that moment as the force called to her and she cannot shake such a feeling from her body so easily.

Willow is a husk walking from point to point with no purpose in her stride as her mind is captivated by getting out in the woods and feeling the pull of the force once more. She follows Hal and the others at every location she is needed, eyes fixated on the ground and mind elsewhere.

Hal notices Willow's detachment from reality but keeps his concerns to himself, figuring she is disillusioned with the decision to return to the field, knowing that she was happier in Kitchen Duty than she was ever on the field. Hal decides it best to keep her to her thoughts and allow her to come to terms with the assignment on her own. Having seen the way she looked at the paper, he can see that she is worried about the mission and decides it best to be there physically for her if she needs him, but not pry the conversation out of her.

They all sit together for dinner and Willow does not touch her food; eyes slightly widened as she stares off into nothingness. Everyone erupts into laughter around her, but Willow does not notice their lighthearted banter.

She comes to the realization that she needs to return to the woods. Regardless of what was out there pulling at her with an irresistible force, Willow needs to go out there and see what has captivated her so much. She figures if the force is a risk to her life, she will be able to snuff it effortlessly with all that she has learned and trained for.

She lifts herself from the table, moving inorganically as she stiffly travels towards the stables to saddle up and place on her ODM gear, trapped in the singular purpose of experiencing the beckoning force within the woods once more.

She swings her leg over the horse and takes the reins into her hands, moving towards a gallop when she hears a whistling.

She turns to see Levi approaching her. "You need to get your ears checked."

"You were calling for me?" she asks, feeling clear headed for the first time in the day.

"You just got up and walked out of the mess hall without talking to anyone. Hal called out to you, but you didn't respond. There's clearly something on your mind," Levi says approaching her.

Willow swallows hard, thinking about the fog that she has been in all day. "I can't stop thinking about that feeling in the woods," she releases looking down at the reins on her horse. "When the birds stopped singing and everything was so still, I felt this force pulling me into the woods," she presses her brows together, "I couldn't fight it, something was beckoning me into the tree line. If you hadn't called out to me, I would have gone in…" She lingers on the idea, not sure if she is grateful or bitter at Levi's actions for calling out to her.

"And now you want to go back and see if whatever you felt is still there," Levi guesses seeing her in gear and headed for the woods by the cover of night.

"You felt it too, didn't you?" Willow asks with brows pressed together. "You had to have felt it too."

Levi tightens his jaw, not sure what he felt out there, but it is not something he wants to go chasing. "Forget it, Willow," he tells her in a stern tone. "Whatever it was, it's probably gone."

"So, then what's the harm in checking?" Willow asks with a raised brow.

Levi looks at her with an unenthused lidded expression, "You're not going to drop this, will you?" He asks, seeing how distracted this feeling is making her. He knows that if they do not explore this, she will be too distracted from tomorrow's mission, and she will place everyone at risk if she is not performing at her best. "Alright," Levi releases, knowing that in order for her to be at her best, she must have a clear mind, and until she goes into those woods to feel or not feel whatever she is seeking, she will remain in this unmovable fog. "Let's get this over with," he says with no inflection in his tone.

Willow smiles as he straps in his ODM gear and saddles unto his horse. He sends her a firm nod and they gallop beyond the wall and to the south where they encountered the Titans. Riding in the night is a bit exhilarating with the full moon lighting the open field. Willow looks around feeling a peaceful high as she sees the field in the different perspective from the dark.

Levi shifts behind her and she looks back to see him rising from his horse and propelling himself into the trees with his ODM gear. A smile crosses her lips, and she follows his lead, switching to ODM gear and thrusting herself into the trees.

"Holy shit, this is terrifying!" Willow cries out with a laugh as they zip through the trees with blind force.

"Close your eyes, it gets worse," Levi calls out to her and she shakes her head.

"No thanks, I already ran into a tree once this week," Willow laughs, and she sees a smirk on his face.

Willow flings herself out of the tree line and into an open field, pressing down on her gas to fly as far out on the open field as she can, feeling like a bird flying effortless in the sky. A smile crosses her lips as the wind blows through her hair and for a moment, she feels weightless.

She lands in the clearing, laying in the grass and staring up at the starry sky with wide eyes as her chest lifts and falls with her wild breaths. Levi springs from the tree line, landing next to her and watching her with curious eyes.

"Lay down next to me," she orders, "The stars are magnificent."

Levi hesitates, not wanting to willingly place himself on the filthy ground, but before he can vocally protest, Willow grabs him by the wrist and pulls him to crash into the ground. Levi releases a built-up sigh and lays down, knowing there is no use in fighting her. If this is what she needs to clear her mind for tomorrow's mission, then he will comply, understanding the importance of having her at her best tomorrow.

"There's not a cloud in the sky," she sighs in awe, admiring the sight shining back at her. "I have never felt so peaceful as I do when I am looking at the stars."

"It's like nothing else," Levi agrees, lifting his arms behind his head to rest on.

They lay there for countless moments in tranquil silence, enjoying the company of one another and the marvelous expanse above them. Willow listens to Levi's steady breaths as he lies there next to her, bringing a smile to her face while Levi admires the smell of daisies so close to him.

"What do you think the point of it was," Willow asks as Levi glances over at her. "The nicknames: Humanity's Greatest Soldier and Titan Killer."

"Erwin's idea of immortalizing us," Levi states in a flat tone. "People are more willing to join the Corps with the promise of grand titles like those, or even the opportunity to meet the legends," he says with the slightest hint of spite in his tone.

"Then comes the inevitable disappointment when they realize that it's just you," she releases in a grim tone. "Just a pile of skin and bones, like everyone else."

Levi glances over, seeing the pressed look in her eyes as she keeps her eyes locked on the stars. "It doesn't matter what they think of you," Levi presses, "It matters what they see on the field. No one doubts you when they see you out there."

"Sometimes I feel like I am crumbling under the weight of the world on my shoulders, and then other days, I crave the feeling of hot Titan blood on my hands so much, that I don't even notice the weight," she says lifting her hands to the sky. "But if I break, who will carry the weight? It's not fair to put that on someone else."

Levi watches her with apprehensive eyes, seeing the pressure Willow must be under knowing the role she will have to play in tomorrow's mission. He wonders if it is getting to her, and if she is breaking before his eyes, unsure how to put her together in time.

"I don't know the answer to that," Levi admits and Willow glances over at him. "Are we meant to ride blindly to our deaths, knowing we will die in vain as we are no closer to elevating ourselves in this war," he begins grimly. "Or is every sacrifice moving us closer to finding people capable of being a true threat to these beasts? People like us who don't hesitate in the charge. People who don't fall so easily."

"And what about the ones prone to fall?" Willow asks him and Levi knows she does not want the answer he has for her, so he lies.

"We protect them," he tells her, knowing that they are truly a means to an end, and their lives are steppingstones to their victory, but knowing what she needs to hear in this moment, is hope.

Willow's eyes glisten at his words, hearing for the first time that their lives mean something more than just bodies to throw at the problem.

She looks at Levi as he watches her reaction, seeing that he answered correctly. Her eyes land on his lips, and before Levi can react to her, she moves to him quickly, and presses her lips to his. His kiss is hard and unwelcoming, not fully prepared for her move. She places her hand on the side of his face, grabbing him and moving him to get a better angle.

Levi recovers, and to his shock, he kisses her back, grabbing onto her face with both hands and returning her kiss with hungry force. She slips her tongue in his mouth and his body ignites with passion as nerves erupt down his back. In a quick motion, Willow swings her leg over him and straddles him. She looks down into his eyes as pieces of grass—entangled in her golden curls—rain down on him as she sits atop him. Levi inhales as she launches herself to his lips, the smell of daisies bursting his senses as he is overtaken by her.

His senses are overpowered by her. He can feel the warmth of her skin atop him, the warmth between her legs. He feels her soft skin as her lips brush and move against his. Strands of golden hair tickle his face as she tilts her head to drive their kiss deeper. He groans as her signature floral smell invades his nostrils, bringing him back to the warm sunny day he first ventured out of the walls.

Her right-hand moves to his chest, gripping the fabric of his collar to stabilize and ground her. Her mind is clouded, and she shakes as her hands touch him. She feels high, floating at the sensation of her lips rubbing against his, trying desperately to ground herself by holding onto his shirt. His chest lifts as he inhales her kiss, with the sound of air filling his airways crying out over their hungry kisses.

The fingertips of her left-hand trace down his bicep and forearm sending shivers down his spine and a line of goosebumps following her touch. Her tingling touch halts at his wrist grabbing onto it with shaky force. She pulls his hand, and guides it to her chest, pressing his hand against her body as the desperate urge to feel him against her skin builds between her legs.

Levi pulls his lips from hers looking up at her with tangled brows at her action. He swallows hard as he looks at his hand invading her body. His thumb presses through the small hole between the buttons of her shirt, feeling the soft skin of her cleavage. This ignites Willow and she presses her lips to his with wild force, moaning as the sensation builds in her throat.

Levi's heart races when he hears the moan shaking in her throat, and his brows tangle as the image of his mother hits him like a rock wall. He sees her through the crack of the wardrobe that she would tuck him away in when it was too dangerous for him to wander the streets or the brothel while she was with a client. He remembers seeing the men that took over her body, and the foreign sounds she made when they overpowered her. His hands lock onto the grass as his firsts tighten, thinking of his mother dissolving with every man that came and took a piece of her away with them.

"Stop," Levi exhales between her kisses, feeling his heart race at the sudden urge to push her off of him. She does not stop, not hearing his command and presses her lips harder against his. Levi turns his face from hers and says with more force, "Stop!"

Willow pulls away from him quickly, looking down at him with a muddled expression lacing her eyes. "Are you alright?"

"Get off of me," Levi presses with a stern tone and harsh eyes.

"What's wrong?" she asks confused at his changing tone.

"Get off of me," he repeats with a building tone.

Willow staggers off of him with enlarged perplexed eyes. "Did I do something wrong?" she asks him with a hint of a whine in her tone.

Levi tenses his jaw as the muscles pulsate to the surface of his face. He keeps his eyes off of hers, unwilling to see how hurt she is by his actions. He swallows the growing lump in his throat, unable to shake the vision of his broken mother from what the men did to her… what he was set to do to Willow.

Levi tries to formulate the words to explain to her what is going on in his head, or to say anything to her, but nothing manages to breach his voice, and he instead lifts himself up and takes his horse. He swings his leg over the beast and rides off without saying another word to her, leaving her behind in the clearing alone.

Willow sits on her knees frozen in her bafflement at what had just happened, wondering what she did that unnerved him so much. Was he repulsed by her body, or her eagerness to give herself to him so easily? Willow whines as she wracks her mind with what she did wrong. Holding herself with insecurity and sniffing away her building anxiety, Willow takes the reins of her horse and returns back to the camp as tears stream down her eyes.

She laces the horse's reins to the stable, trying to hold back tears as she hears voices coming from outside the mess hall. She looks up to see Oruo, Eld, Colin and Hal all sitting at a table playing cards and laughing at their silly game. Willow's heart races, trying to avoid their contact.

Her heart drops as Oruo calls out to her with drunken cheerfulness, beckoning her to join them. She holds herself tightly, feeling broken and ugly, but Oruo continues to call out to her, stumbling from his table to join her as she adverts her direction from them.

"My wife, you look radiant in this light!" he announces with wild drunken passion.

He launches himself at her in a sloppy hug and Willow shrugs him away. He staggers a bit away from her, then moves back to her, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. "Boys, isn't she perfect? My future wife, my savior!" he asks looking back at the men. They howl in laughter but Hal watches with cold eyes, not as inebriated as the others and notices the tight positioning of Willow's body as she falls deeper into her shell.

"Oruo," Hal calls out seeing the look on Willow's face and the tensing of her shoulder that are clear indicators of her discomfort at his touch. "Why don't you leave Willow to her night and lose more of your money to me?" he jokes, trying to divert the stress in the air.

"Will you please?" Oruo asks quietly, whispering in her ear as the smell of alcohol on his hot breath makes her sick, and retracts her deeper into her body, "Make me the luckiest man to call you my wife?" he asks with melted eyes at her beauty.

Willow's chest tightens at his words and she pushes him away from her with such force that he stumbles to the ground. "Will you give it a rest!" she yells at him, feeling angry at Levi's rejection of her, hot with hate and confusion. "I am not going to marry you. You're just being pathetic!" Her voice calls out, ringing in the air of the courtyard, feeling more pathetic in herself for thinking Levi ever wanted her.

A silence falls over the group as they look at her with wide eyes at her vicious disposition. Oruo lifts himself up, eyes shocked and hurt at her horrible words. "Well, you're nothing but a hateful bitch," Oruo returns with a growing frown, wanting to hurt her for embarrassing him in front of the others, and not clearly thinking with the toxic liquid flowing through him. "And you wonder why no one likes you here," he adds rudely. "The only reason anyone tolerates you is because of your stupid puppet trick."

Willow's eyes swell with tears and hate, wondering if that had anything to contribute to Levi's rejection of her, and she cannot hold herself back as she viciously slaps Oruo with a force that rings in the courtyard. She turns from him before he can respond to her, sniffing back the waves of emotions as she stomps towards her room.

Hal jumps from his table and runs to her, following her until they are no longer in view of the others, "Willow," he calls out to her with concern lacing his tone.

"Leave me alone, Hal!" she calls out as tears threaten her lashes. He does not heed her warning and grabs for her by the wrist, turning her towards him.

Hal is struck by the sight of her. Blades of stray grass entangle in her golden hair, her eyes are swollen and bloodshot from crying, and her lips and nose are red from what Hal can only imagine as rubbing from passionate kissing. The sight makes his heart drop, adding up the clear signs presented before him. She and Levi left earlier with ODM gear only to return with flushed faces, not to mention Hal seeing Levi return tonight only minutes before Willow with a singular purpose in his stride to grow distance between him and the stables. The look on Levi's face said it all; he was angry, and the look on Willow's paints breaking sorrow.

Jealousy crashes into Hal making him feel sick at the thought of what happened between them. He takes hold of her arms, brushing them comfortingly. "Don't let what he did get to you." Hal presses with concerned eyes, speaking of Levi, but Willow misinterprets his meaning to Oruo.

Willow shrugs Hal's hands off of her and with broken eyes she says, "Mind you own business, Hal." She turns away from him, pushing another person farther away from her.

A/N: Depressing right?! I always thought that with Levi's upbringing, I could not see him being intimate with a woman after seeing/knowing what happened to his mother. And with him not being an emotional person, I don't see him being able to communicate this issue well with Willow. Let me know what you think. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, and be prepared for the next few because it's gonna get crazy! Don't forget to review!