One foot in front of the other. Crunch and sink down into the snow. Crunch and sink, crunch and sink. Continuous effort that seemed futile in the wide expanse of white and blue that surrounded us. There's nothing quite like trekking a mountain to remind yourself just how small we truly are. The top of my legs burned each time I had to haul my leg forward. I was exhausted, my eyes stung from the brightness and my lips were dry and chapped. I hadn't slept well at all the night before and my stomach was growling very audibly. All in all, I was not having the best of times. Solas walked in front, Bull trudged along beside me. He seemed to be struggling too, squinting at the brightness and letting out a heavy breath every other step. The elf ahead however? He lunged forward with just the slightest effort, his strong legs propelling him onward, his thighs tensing under his robes... I let my eyes wonder carelessly down to his behind. It was currently covered by his outer robe but I'd seen him in his leggings, I knew what was under there. I checked myself sharply when I felt Bull's eyes on me. My leering was getting ridiculous. If it had not been for that blasted dream the night before I wouldn't be mentally undressing my good friend in the middle of some Mythal forsaken mountain. In brief, I had also come to the conclusion that I, in fact, wanted Solas. Yes, I wanted him to take me up against any available structure and I wanted him to do it now. How did I come to such a dramatic conclusion? Well I'm glad you asked!

After the rift and after our tumble down the cliff, we made camp at the bottom of the mountain where we would begin our current trek. It gave us some shelter and also hid us from view quite nicely. Before we turned in, Bull tossed me a roll of bread and an apple as I hadn't eaten any of the stew. I ate it slowly in my tent, knowing that it would have to last me until our next stop and something told me even then that it would be a while. After my meagre meal, I tucked myself into my bedroll and let myself drift off. Sleep came easily as I was last watch and knew I'd get a good rest until then.

I dreamt of old places again, of gilded halls and magic mirrors and my mother. They always made me uneasy, those dreams, so my mind drew me back to more comforting things. The clan, Mahanon and the people in it. The food and the stars and the halla and then to Ni'leen, she kept the halla. She was lithe and strong and the only shot to rival me in the clan. We had been on a hunt together when we'd first kissed. It was a messy thing, unsure and nervous but it settled into something marvellous. Then the next time down at the river I'd been swimming and she joined me. I remember how her red hair sat like fire on top of the water as we stood, naked and inches apart. She slipped a cold finger between my legs first and being so unsure, so nervous I had imitated her. She had laughed and kissed me and we made love in the water. I had loved Ni'leen, I think... I believe she was the first person I ever did love. She ended it, said there was no real future for us and went ahead and married into another clan. That had hurt a lot. But it was years ago, and I had made my peace with it. Why she had entered my dreams that night I didn't know, but there was always an intimacy with her that I had had with no one else.

Her kisses burned down my legs, getting hard enough to bruise by the time she'd got between them. She had licked and sucked and her fingers curled inside me and in the fog of my subconciousness I felt my body tighten and a groan escape my throat. I moved my hips further into her mouth, my head thrown back so that my neck stretched. A hand then wrapped around my thigh and another held onto my fingers but they felt... not like hers. In the blur and disjointedness of the dream I managed to look down and Ni'leen was no longer between my legs... It was Solas. It was his blue eyes, his freckles, his hands... I remember not feeling startled. It seemed perfectly... right.

His stone blue eyes rose languidly to meet mine and it was in that moment that fire rushed through me. I breathed deep fast breaths as the tension in my body escalated. But this was more than some foggy orgasm in a dream. My palms sweat, my mouth fell open and the feelings that swelled in my chest with his every touch, his every movement made me want to cry. All the distant feelings I remembered with Ni'leen burst back to life with him there, kissing me and holding me. I felt him move in me now, his lips pressed desperately against mine. Every sensation was fogged and unclear, his fingers and lips running along my skin and his hips thudding into mine. But it all built to the same pleasurable clenching in the pit of my stomach. I was so close now, I could feel my dream building up to its final crescendo.

"Solas..." The word came out in a sharp, uncontrollable sound, I felt unable to to speak but the word echoed out regardless. This was the sort of dream I was used to, my subconscious taking control and nothing but feeling and sensation and want to drive me.

"Nevalla!" he hissed, his motions in the dream becoming clearer, more real. His movement slowed to a torturous speed, I could feel every inch of him moving in me. His eyes bore into mine and suddenly we both froze.

I awoke in a cold sweat and with such a start I almost launched myself out of the tent. The pulsing heat in the pit of my stomach faded disappointingly and I sat panting, trying to gain some element of composure after such intensity.

The memory of that feeling hadn't left me, even till late into the evening. The sky melted from blue to orange to purple and still we walked and still I thought about him. The feelings frightened me, they were overpowering, ridiculous things that I shouldn't feel. Feelings like that don't just happen over night. I'd known Ni'leen for years before I felt such things for her. And there was Solas, walking along the top of the snow, his head tilted back with a small smile on his face. I felt my own mouth quirk up as I watched him.

"Don't do it Nev..." Bull's voice came from my left, wary and full of concern. It startled me and I tried to look innocent.

"Do what?" I asked turning to look at him with a smile.

"You know what I mean, that's a whole lot of something you don't want to get mixed up in."

I scoffed, "I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about."

"Play coy if you like but I don't think it's a good idea." he said, falling back a pace. I followed him, a frown now forming on my brow.

"And why is that?"

Bull shrugged, "Never get mixed up with people you work with. Especially when your work is fighting impossible monsters and entire armies. Nothing is ever guaranteed out here Nev and heartbreak lies in every sword and arrow." He looked as though he had finished and his words had hit something in my chest which almost brought a lump to my throat.

"Besides," he added, "Don't you ever get the feeling he's hiding something?" We both turned our heads to watch him. He seemed innocent enough in that moment, but I couldn't deny the but feeling I had always had with him, and he was definitely keeping secrets. I'd known that and still, logic would not win out.

"I'm fond of him Bull, that's all."

He must have felt our eyes on his back as he turned around with a suspicious glance.

"How far now?" Bull called loudly, before Solas could question why we were starting at him. He turned his head out to the horizon and sighed.

"If we keep our pace and continue Eastward we should be there before sunrise."

I took that as a signal to leave a trail for the others to follow. I had been doing this throughout our journey when Captain had not yet returned to send messages. I collected three rocks and piled them on each other. As I rose from the ground, however, my weak leg twinged with the memory of the broken bone. It was still healing and the muscle was not yet accustomed to use. I stumbled forward with a hiss of pain, but there in the crook of my elbow was Solas' strong grip, not holding so tight as to hurt but firm, almost gentle. He stood beside me, a soft look in his eye as he let me use him as a crutch. I could barely bring myself to look away from his face. He looked different now, open and smiling and beautiful. His touch ignited things in me that I had forgotten. Tendrils of warmth spread in my chest and down to my finger tips and my mouth drew out unwillingly into a smile. He watched my mouth, eyes falling to it longingly...

"We should continue." He said, his face going sterner, his brow furrowing and his posture straightening. He almost jerked his hand away from my arm before he went on trudging through the snow. The warmth twisted in my stomach and the quiet tendrils gave way to fluttering fingers that burned my cheeks and ears. I felt utterly idiotic. I was nothing more than a companion, a patient maybe even a friend. But he had not stared longingly at my smile, and his gentle touch on my arm was nothing more than to steady me... Logic won out.

I fixed my pack on my shoulder and followed him, my embarrassment sinking ever deeper I to annoyance. Too many times had I thought I might know Solas and too many times he had shut his doors in my face. I was imagining it all. I explained away the feelings as loneliness, perhaps even mere lust. I could understand lusting after him, I could deal with that. I could not deal with the caring look in his eyes and the way he held me and his smile as he let the mountain air blowing past him.
I was imagining it, and until he told me otherwise, he would be merely the closed off grumpy stuck up elf he had always been.

"I was too late, wasn't I?" Bull chuckled warily beside me.

"What do you mean?"

He nodded towards Solas, "You're falling for him."

I guffawed loudly, a great heaving scoff that I doubt sounded convincing. "Yea, right."

Bull arched his brow so that it looked curiously above his eye patch, "Uh huh, so why are you letting him get your breeches in such a twist?"

"Solas has no effect on my breeches, thank you very much. And besides, I'd sooner fall in love with the Dreadwolf than fall in love with Solas."

Bull laughed loudly, "I'd like to see that."

"Oh, I'm sure you would." I quipped before we fell once again into exhausted silence and continued our journey towards Skyhold. I just had to keep telling myself that this swell of feeling would all blow over.

"As much as you're denying this, Nev, you're the one that brought up love, not me. You've fallen hard there, kid, better pick yourself back up before you get hurt." He said no more and walked on ahead and left me with the gut wrenching idea that perhaps I might be slightly in love with Solas...