Failing in finding a bed that wasn't being used by a wounded soldier, Maharen and I settled for a study. The desk, once swept of old ink pots and parchments was suitable enough for what we had planned. Hoisting me up on his hips, he through me down on the desk before I pulled him down to kiss me. It was rough, all teeth and tugging and grasping. It felt good, very good in fact, but I couldn't help picturing Solas. His teeth scraping my skin and his lips sucking my collar bone. I tried telling myself that a good night of sex would stop this Solas foolishness, or at least alleviate it but it made it worse. Here I was with this beautiful, rugged, endlessly attractive man and all I could picture was Solas tugging down my jerkin in his place. My body ached for some sort of release and I couldn't stop my primal instinct to raise my hips against his. But with his first strokes, I panicked. He wasn't Solas and no matter what I did to try and ignore it, guilt sat heavy in my chest.
"Wait... I can't-"
"Lavellan, are you in here- Maker preserve us!"
My head tilted upwards to the direction of the door and to my horror there stood The Inquisitor, her hand still holding the door, her face red and filled with utter astonishment. It seemed as though everyone involved had frozen on the spot for what seemed like an unnatural amount of time, until I felt Maharen hastily withdraw with a string of apologies and curses. When I realised that time was moving again I fell off the table as I scrambled to fix myself.
"Inquisitor! When did you... arrive?" I gasped, tugging up my jerkin as I stood.
Her mouth fell open and closed shut. She looked at the door and then back to me, "I'll come back later..." she whispered.
"No!" I shouted, fumbling with the ties of my leather vest. "No, it's fine."
I heard the echoing of more footsteps coming from the corridor and tried in vein to look presentable in time. From behind the door appeared a very concerned looking Cassandra and Varric. The latter, once realising the situation let out a loud laugh, making my cheeks burn even more. Maharen politely excused himself, his clothes thrown on raggedly. I still flustered at the ties of my bottoms.
Cassandra tried to put on a stern face and folded her arms, "How very professional, Lavellan."
I gave up on dressing myself properly and resigned myself to the ensuing mockery.
"Take my advice, put a sock on the door next time." Varric chuckled. "Wait till Bull hears about this."
"Again, glad I'm such a figure of fun." I sighed.
"Trixy, you do it to yourself."
Evelyn had yet to really say anything. She just stood there awkwardly glancing between me and the ceiling. Her face was still beetroot red and she fidgeted like an impatient child.
"I'll uh... I'll have a report ready for you by morning, Inquisitor." I said, trying to get us back on track.
She looked at me with a spark in her eye and almost as if she didn't mean to she blurted out, "Just on the mission, I hope."
I laughed shyly and nodded, "Just on the mission."
"Well, good. Splendid. We should rest up here tonight and head back to Skyhold in the morning." She clapped her hands a rubbed them together, muttering something about the kitchens and if there was any food as she left. Cassandra followed her but gave me a final chastising glance as she did. Varric just chuckled and wished me a good night, pulling out his small notebook as he left. That better not be going into one of his stories. I'd never live it down.
Finally, I managed to make myself half presentable and left the room to find some sort of kitchen. Evelyn's mutterings about scrambled eggs had put me in the mind to make some. As I shut the study door behind me however, I saw a tall figure standing in the low fire light of the corridor. He leaned against the wall, his bags and staff still on his back from travelling. My mouth went dry and panic caused my hands to shake... Did he know about Maharen and I? Was he standing there the whole time? No. I was being foolish. Even if he had been, I'd every right to sleep with whomever I chose to. He had made no further advances for nearly a month and here I was feeling guilty for enjoying myself?
He looked at me sideways, his eyes dark and cold even in the fire light. It startled me. He said nothing, only smiled bitterly and shook his head before stalking off down the corridor. I was tired of this. I was tired of always giving him the upper hand, pussy footing around his feelings whilst he dragged mine out and left me in the dark. I marched after him, my shoes echoing fiercely off the ancient stone floors.
"Who do you think you are?" I hissed, stopping a few feet behind him. He stopped and turned to face me, a look of indignity sitting on his brow.
"Who are you to judge me for doing what I want to do? I've waited weeks for you to tell me what you want, and all you've done is blatantly avoid me!"
"Forgive me for asking for some time to consider," he said, his voice clipped and unfeeling. "I was not aware that it would take a mere three weeks for you to jump into bed with someone else. More fool am I."
"Someone else?" I scoffed, "Solas we haven't even had a real kiss! I wanted this to be real, I wanted this to happen not just in the fucking fade."
He looked at me, hurt filtering its way into his eyes. "Then we shall leave it at that." he said, "If this is no longer what you want."
His words hit me like a punch to the throat. No! I wanted to scream. No, this was all a big misunderstanding. I wanted to scream and beg his forgiveness and tell him how much I was falling for him, that these weeks without him had been the loneliest of my life. But all that came out of my stupidly stubborn mouth was a clipped, "Fine."
I shoved past him and headed for the nearest kitchen, ignoring the welling tears that blurred my vision and trying desperately to stop the quivering in my lip. The kitchens were warm and bustling with people. I peaked my head around the door and watched as Evelyn laughed easily with the chef and helped him prepare a hardy looking bowl of stew. It smelled delicious. One thing the Orlesians did have was their food. Another was their wine. I stepped back into the darkness of the corridor. Comfort food would no longer do the job, and the cellar was only a couple of doors down.
It didn't take long for me to settle myself in the cellar, a bottle deep and tears streaming down my face. Creators I must have looked a sight. My eyes felt sore and puffy and my stomach churned uneasily at the speed I drank. I kept going, hoping each slug would numb my heartbreak, even just a little.
I awoke the next morning to a messy surge of bile up my throat. When I was done, I sat in my corner, shivering with the cold and yet sweating like I'd ran ten miles. When I came around a little bit more, I noted the three empty wine bottles toppled over at my feet and I cursed my past self for being so stupid. I couldn't afford to be hungover. Hangovers are for days when you can lie in bed and sleep them away. Not since I came to the Inquisition had I had a day like that. I eased myself up off the damp floor, swallowing down another sickening belch as I did. My head swam and pounded all at once and the light coming in the little grate window above was almost too much to bare. It was then I became aware of the people shouting outside the cellar. People shouting my name. I let out a shaky breath and tried to waken myself a bit more.
"I'm coming, I'm coming." I called up, my voice croaky and weak.
The cellar door burst open, the noise making me flinch. Cassandra stood at the top of the stairs shaking her head in an admonishing fashion. I tried to hazard a smile but stumbled over one of my empty bottles and cursed instead.
"Get upstairs and freshen up. We are leaving in five minutes." That was all she said, but she held the door open for me and showed me to a wash room. Once I'd splashed my face with water and drank almost an entire gallon of it, I was somewhat ready to depart. The rest of them stood at the ramparts, Evelyn, Varric and Solas. He was on his horse, his back facing me and for that I was thankful.
"There has been a change of plan." Cassandra said, as she walked with me to the horses.
I looked at her and groaned pathetically.
"You have none of my sympathy, your state is entirely at your own fault.," she said, tightening the saddle. "It is a slight diversion. Solas wishes to investigate a spirit nearby. You can join us or make your own way back to Skyhold ahead of us. I would advise you come with us. I doubt your senses are entirely fighting fit and I do not want to send you out on your own."
I nodded and swallowed down another belch.
"I think that is wise," I said, pulling a large woollen blanket around my shoulders before pulling myself onto my horse. She was right. I really didn't want to have to face the wilds of Thedas with such a blaring hangover and even if we were going here for Solas' sake, he would be too caught up in his spirit investigation to cause too much awkwardness. So we set off back down towards the plains of The Dirth. We didn't come across much trouble at all, the place seemed to be the calmest it been in a while. Perhaps the truce had been settled between the Duke and The Empress after all. No matter how peaceful our journey was, however, my stomach still rippled uneasily and my head thumped with every step my horse took. We past the small river and it was then the Aravels came into view. I perked up at that.
"There are Dalish here!" I called to the Herald, she turned back to me and nodded with an eager smile.
"Maybe they'll have something to cure that hangover." Varric quipped.
I laughed weakly but groaned at the effort it took, " I don't think anything could cure this hangover, not even the Dalish."
Thankfully we stopped at the camp. They seemed to already know the Herald and welcomed her with open arms. It was nice to see. It had meant they trusted her, she had to have earned that trust. It was good to see her with my people.
"Aneth ara, dhalen." The keeper smiled warmly to me as I dismounted my horse.
"Aneth ara, hahren." I returned.
"It is pleasant to see one of our own in such times. From which clan are you?" The keeper said as he offered a hand.
"Lavellan, Nevalla of clan Lavellan. I wish we could be meeting in friendlier times." I shook his hand with a smile, as warm as I could manage in my state. He chuckled knowingly and made us all some tea. It would have been quite pleasant to sit with these Dalish for an hour or two, but unfortunately, Solas had other ideas.
He brought Evelyn aside and whispered urgently to her, I barely caught the end of it, something about there not being time.
"Time enough for your friends to rest their bones, no?" The Keeper said smartly. Solas' glare was like ice.
"I would not expect you to understand my urgency." He said, his voice flat and without intonation but there was fury in his eyes.
"You bring an aggression with you that I will not meet, nor will any of my clan. Whether you have qualms with my people or not, your friends look tired and in need of a small rest."
Solas' jaw flexed as it clenched in frustration, I could see the muscle flicker. But he didn't seem merely angry anymore. He was concerned, worried even. Something told me then we weren't as relaxed for time as I thought. I set my cup down and stood.
"No rest for the wicked I'm afraid, Hahren." I sighed but smiled back at him, he reminded me of Mahanon. "It was good to see you."
"And you too, dhalen. Be careful on your journeys."
"Thank you for your kindness." Evelyn said.
"Dareth shiral, Inquisitor."
After that, we took our leave, cantering that bit quicker on our horses as Solas rode out ahead. I wanted to catch up to Evelyn and ask her what had happened, but that stubborn part of myself told me to keep back. He wasn't my problem anymore. We continued on towards the quieter parts of the plains, the older parts nearer to the ancient baths. These parts seemed calmer, more still and untouched. Like the rest of the world was afraid to disturb their ancient slumber. Mist floated by off the river as we made our way through the eerie silence. It was disrupted however when the sound of running footsteps came towards us. It looked to be a mage, a human mage. He spoke urgently to The Inquisitor and Solas, who had now got down from their horses.
"You summoned that demon! Except it was a spirit of Wisdom at the time." The anger in his voice startled me and made me walk forward. As I rounded the corner I startled back at what I saw. Up ahead, leaning over, dormant was a huge jagged demon.
"This is the spirit he wanted to investigate? Shit, maybe chuckles is more cuckoo than I thought." Varric whispered as we nervously walked closer.
Solas was still furious, almost as though he might kill the foollish looking human that stood before him.
"You made it kill! You twisted it against its purpose!"
The mage fumbled for an explanation in the face of Solas' anger. "I understand how this might look to someone who has never studied demons, but after you help us-"
"We are not here to help you." He growled.
"We're here to help everyone Solas, I doubt this man knowingly summoned a demon." Evelyn cut in. I was proud of her levelling the playing field, but if Solas was right and they had twisted a spirit of Wisdom, that would mean the spirit was tortured, had its very essence distorted and changed. I shuddered at the thought.
"Inquisitor please." Solas said, the desperation lining his voice made my heart lurch. He truly cared about this spirit. To see him hurt like this... It was unnatural.
I stepped forward. "If we break the summoning circle we disrupt the binding. No orders to kill, no conflict with its nature. No demon. Simple."
Solas looked at me like I'd just sang the most beautiful song he'd ever heard. I nodded and looked back to the Inquisitor.
"What the binding is the only thing keeping the demon from killing us." The mage said.
Solas turned and pointed a finger at him, fury rippling in his voice, "Shut up."
"Solas, calm down." Evelyn said.
He stepped back, his jaw flexing, his fists clenched menacingly. "We must act now, Inquisitor."
Evelyn nodded and our plan was implemented, much to the protests of the human mage. We were to destroy the binding circle, meaning destroy they great big stalactite rocks that had sprouted up from the earth. All the while avoiding the jagged, colossal fists of Solas' old pal. This was by far the worst hangover I'd ever had. I ducked and dived and weaved, trying in vain to avoid the demons sights but it kept at me. The rest had managed to destroy their designated rocks, but I barely got near mine, I couldn't lose the demon.
"Solas! Would you like to have a word with your friend!" I shouted, leaping out of the way of its barrage of lightning bolts. I saw his eyes land on me, but then they flicked back to the demon, then to me. He shook his head and kept firing at the final binding rock. They were all on it now, apart from me. I was running around like a headless chicken trying to avoid the clutches of this monster. One thought, one annoyingly heartbreaking thought kept blaring in my head. He didn't save me. Yes, I tried to reason that by destroying the binding he would save me quicker but that twelve year inside me screamed at the injustice.
They had almost destroyed it, it was crumbling down in silvery grey stones... and I'd taken my eye off the demon for too long. Before I could avoid it, its massive arm came swooping down towards me and with an almighty whack, it swiped me into the binding rock as if I were a bug. I remember crashing into the rock, and hearing the demon roar but other than that the rest is a blur. I wasn't unconscious, but a part of me wished I was. The pain in my ribs pulsed every time I tried to push myself up and my head throbbed angrily, and not just because of the hangover.
"Fenedhis!" I cried out as I rolled myself onto my back and tried to catch my breath. I could feel blood trickling into my mouth from the gash that I felt throbbing on my temple. I tried to spit it out. It was salty and it was then I realised I was crying. Great big messy sobs escaped my mouth. I couldn't stop them. It could have been the pain, the shock, the hangover, or the fact that the man I loved literally let me get walloped by a demon. I felt hands on my arms then, hoisting me up to sit.
"Hey, hey Trixy! You alright?" The blur of the world came into focus and before be sat Cassandra and Varric.
"Is she lucid?" Evelyns voice appeared at my back. It was her soft hands holding me up.
"My fucking head!" I groaned loudly, almost unwillingly. "Stupid fucking Wisdom!" My words slurred together in a mess of curses. Concerned rippled somewhere at the back of my mind telling me that my head injury was more serious than I thought.
"We need to get her help." Evelyn said urgently.
"Trixy, you think you can stay awake for me?" Varric was holding up my face and looking in my eyes. He shook his head gravely. "We need to get her help, she's not all there."
"Lavellan, listen to me. We're going to get you help, but you must stay conscious. Can you do that?" Cassandra spoke slowly, but I ignored her. I ignored all of them. All I could see was Solas kneeling down, his face etched with agony as the Spirit of Wisdom floated away on the breeze into nothing.